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So were the hand dryers good?
If it’s one of those Dyson Airblades, that’s no joke. Those things really are worth the 5-star reviews, and 5-stars for any establishment who installs them.
They’re excellent hand driers.
Uh, you mean muffin toasters?
I’d hate to see what those toasters could do to those poor people’s box of glasses of milk though. Then again, I’m sure the shrunken box of forgotten babies living in the toasters would enjoy them!
Agreed! There is only one place in my city (Perth, WA) that has them but if I’m not there I use paper towels or if none are provided I just let my hands dry without assistance. As Sheldon from TBBT pointed out; regular “Hot air blowers are incubators and spewers of bacteria and petulance. Frankly it’d be more hygienic if they had a plague-infested gibbon sneeze my hands dry!”
We had those Dyson driers at my last workplace – they were so strong they darn near blew the skin off your hands. Fun though – if you’ve always wanted to know what your car felt like going thru the car wash drier.
TL:DR
Then you missed out; it was funny. Tell your mom I’m sorry she has such a loafer for a kid.
what did i just read
lemme save you some time:
“Xobai
January 29, 2012 at 1:47 pm
If you follow the link, you find the original review:
“My daughter there went on a date with her boyfriend. She came home at 11 pm without her Purity Ring. We didn’t believe her hygiene related explanation. We called the theater manager, and he opened up the theater and let us into the women’s room at 2am. here, beneath the excellent hand dryer, we found the Purity Ring.
Thank you Cinemark 8 Provo for such excellent service.”
The rest of the comments meme the hell out of this.”
The Mormon church has warned of this day! Dyson machines will become sentient and strip the purity rings from helpless Mormon women. Then, released from their magical bonds of restraint, they will become heathens and start a new religion that will battle the Mormon church for control of the planet Xenu! Remember this day my friends, remember this day!
Mormons have nothing to do with it. Stupid people are stupid, whether they are Mormon or not. Don’t lump these stupid Mormons with ones that actually have brains. Thank you.
>Mormon
>brains
lol
Wait, what?
Machines that steal metal items from Mormons- It’s the magnets!
I’ve never met a Mormon who used a purity ring. That’s mostly a Catholic tradition. After all Utah is less than 50% Mormon. After having lived there, it’s really freaking annoying when people always ask, “Are you Mormon?” No. Use your dumb brain.
I think they forgot to mention how good the hand driers were.
Yep, probably because their is no such thing
And as you can know, you can must study grammar, because improperly used, it’s dumb
Did you begin a sentence with a conjunction?
People who know what they are doing can start a sentence with a conjunction. It’s the semi-literate who should avoid doing so as, when they try, they frequently use it incorrectly.
The prohibition against beginning sentences with conjunctions and ending them in prepositions is both elitist and utter snobbery…
And of that, I shall have none of.
I see what you did there.
Sorry, couldn’t help but reading that in a mental-Monty-Python-type voice… similar to “Bring me a SHRUBBERY!!” or “Go a-way or I shall taunt you a second time-uh.”
Win.
The Grammar Nazi #6 also used the word “their” when the proper spelling is “there”.
“Their” is posessive, for example “That is their house.”
Or to use all three: “They’re going to move into their new house when they get there.”
Their you go correcting there improper use of homophones. It’s not cool to blame people for incorrectly using they’re language’s mechanics in such an informal place!
When you go by the screen name “Grammar Nazi”, you’re rather inviting it.
Did he also end a sentence without a period? I think he did…
Apparently, the rules of grammar only apply to some people. Why so many people on the internet refuse to complete their sentences with a period, I’ll never know. You don’t even have to hit the shift key, for Christ’s sake.
Why so many… should end in a question mark.
Nope.
Chuck Testa.
I think your second sentence trailed off with three individual fullstop marks, with no separating space between them and the preceding word. If you intended to trail off like so perhaps you meant to use an ellipsis?
I bring this matter to your attention to help you when you decide to post next time.
You have just missed two periods…
Congratulations on the new baby!
^LOL!
“can must”
Also, your phrasing accuses the grammar itself of being dumb, rather than the person who uses poor sentence structure and word choice. You are not a very good Grammar Nazi.
You call yourself a grammar nazi?
Damn, you are the worst i have EVER seen!
No full stop at the end of your sentences.
“as you can know, you can must study grammar”
is the worst sentence I have ever heard. Study ENGLISH.
Also study the difference between “there, they’re and their”.
In the first statement made by Grammar Nazi #6 the word “their” was used instead of the word “there”. This is a critical yet common grammatical error. The users second statement was just terrible. They typed “you can must study grammar” and “and as you can know”. I might have typed “You must study grammar. You used improper grammar and it made you seem dumb”. I’m not entirely sure what this person was trying to convey, which makes their sentence all the more grammatically incorrect. If I were them, I’d simply backspace the entire sentence and start over. They also decided that using punctuation at the end of their sentence did not mute their username’s purpose at least somewhat. It did.
o deer gramer nartzy Haz misspelld theiR
bet
this Pisses ya wright off <3
Lol, I believe you mean he misspelled ‘there’.
^Some faith in humanity has been restored.
You mean ‘there.’ – with few exceptions, the period should be placed before the apostrophe…
This I did now know. Thank you.
The period (a/k/a “full stop”) inside the quotation marks business is strictly American usage. We British don’t do it that way (and let’s please remember whose language it is to start with). We are inclined to place commas and periods logically rather than conventionally, depending on whether the punctuation belongs to the quotation or to the sentence that contains the quotation, just as we do with question marks and exclamation points.
When it comes to commas and periods logic doesn’t enter into the equation, at least not in the United States. Universal American usage places commas and periods inside the quotation marks, regardless of logic.
You’re welcome.
(and let’s please remember whose language it is to start with)
Uh, that would be the Germans. English evolved from the Germanic language brought to the British Isles by Teutonic invaders.
I was speaking of basic modern English which has been in use for many centuries, not ancient High Germanic roots, thank you very much. If you want to get really technical though, think of ALL the invaders who ruled England centuries ago: Saxons, Normans, Vikings, Danes… The English language evolved from all of them, not just ancient German — a language which in and of itself has also evolved over said centuries.
Love how every failure ends up with english grammar
It’s our language now sucka
Yep! Technically, American English is the official language of the internet.
Technically it’s made of 0′s and 1′s
It depends on the English education of the user. I’m afraid that europeans tend to use British English because they learn British English in school (not American… sorry). I am not american nor british and I can assure you that I get really confused sometimes with all the differences (I admit that I mix them without noticing). So I’m not so sure about what you say about the American English being the “official language” of the internet….
By the way, if I’ve made any mistake, I’m sorry. This is not my first language
The United States does not have an official language. Neither does the internet a/k/a “the WORLD WIDE web”.
For the love of Pete, it’s a.k.a.
This isn’t 5th grade chatroom… we’re not asking a/s/l…
I have been in the legal field for well over 10 years and I can assure you, most respectfully, that “a/k/a” is standard legal usage. And I don’t think Pete actually cares either way.
While on the topic, why is it that no-one mentions the Latin and Mediaeval French roots?
DK did when he said “Normans”.
I highly doubt Teutons used quotation marks.
Teutons never invaded England, They occupied an area previously occupied by Anglo-Saxons.
So teutonic has very little bearing on the issue…
Just building on what Professor Hubert Farnsworth said – but now that I think about it, Teutons indeed never invaded England.
Even so, I highly doubt any Germanic people at all used quotation marks.
You also seem to be claiming there is no such thing as a hand dryer.
You mean ‘there’.
I’ll let it slide this time.
- Grammar Nazi # 3
GRAMMAR NAZI WOULD NEVER LET THAT SLIDE
Suddenly I have a raging urge to go and experience their hand dryers.
SO true… I can imagine that there is a room with a label “Hand dryer room”
Nah, they installed hand dryers on the back of each seat, for the convenience of those sitting in the next row, trying to eat popcorn with wet fingers.
I’ll bring the box of kittens.
It really feels like I’m on the wrong side of an inside joke. It makes me sad, curious and hungry.
Yeah, this is pretty funny but because most messages mention similar things I kept wondering if this is some kind of meme I haven’t heard about yet.
I think they were making it up as they went, and playing off each other.
The sad thing about memes is that, right at the beginning of each one, is a moment of genuine humour and creativity.
Did anyone notice something in second message?
Yeah, I noticed how most of the things the second guy found were things other people lost.
yep has the stuff that the others lost.
Cool Sherlock Homes
is Cool Sherlock Homes the blaxploitation version of Sherlock Holmes?
Cool Sherlock Holmes wears a leather jacket and has a sidekick named Mac, an Irish guy who solves problems with his fists.
Wouldn’t that be Finn McCool Sherlock Holmes?
I frequently get him and Cool Sherlock Homes mixed up.
Sherlock Finnigan McCool Holmes?
And I just fell in love with you, Maven.
And a woman (or possibly a Korean man?) who responds favorably to co-referencing Finn McCool and Sherlock Holmes deserves reciprocity for her hyperbolic declaration. I love you, too.
Cool Sherlock Holmes rides a talking pegasus, that is 20% cooler than other ones.
I tend to be fans of both!
We may inadvertently have something here…
I await your initial draft impatience!
(…well, happy pre-coffee- monday to me….)
*with* impatience….
And here I thought you were making a play to expand our empire to Engrish Funny.
I’d like to post another review, something like ‘wut iz every1 talking bout the handdryers?? lulz’
CO-CO-CO-COMBOBREAKERRR
That’s why nobody tells you where things are being held.
lol funny!
Did anyone notice they give out free children? Wait… what?
I saw that and thought this story was hitting a Pedobear angle. I was presently surprised when it turned out to be the hand dryers, and this became the feel good story of the year. It made me feel all warm inside.
Yes. I was waiting for someone else to catch that.
I was actually upset that no one expanded on that in the customer reviews! I mean, run with the Twilight thing, sure, that never gets old… but the free kids bit needs some love too!
YOU’RE IDIOTS! You learn to write! GRAMMAR NAZI IS GAY! I’m THE GOD! OBEY ME! IM THE RUNESCAPE PLAYER, U’RE ALL SORE LOSERS! NOOBS! I OWN U ALL IN RS, IM 221 LEVEL, AND MY ALL SKILLS IS 120, I KILL EVERYONE! 111
And THAT kids, is why you shouldn’t take drugs!
Runescape… Hahaha! Nice trolling, troll~!
Anyone else here had a try with the said hand dryers? I wanna see what the fuss is all about.
Second to the right, and straight on till morning.
wow, Runescape. I’m so impressed! this deserves a slow clap
*clap*
.
.
.
.
*clap*
Oh, good. My slow clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that.
I bet the awesome hand dryers warmed up your slow clap processor!
Yo’, dawg, I heard you like hand driers.
So I put a hand dryer in yo popcorn so yo hands can be dry while you eat yo popcorn.
People who don’t get this make me sad.
People who haven’t seen precisely the same things that you’ve seen, thus alerting them to an obscure set of cues that enrich the experience of sitting around in ones underwear browsing the internet, make you sad?
People who have this bizarre narcissistic belief that everyone has gone through the same pop cultural experiences as them, and therefore exists in precisely the same cultural milieu, make me sad.
Also, trolls.
Let’s go to the movie theater. Meet me in Prague Old Town sunday at six. I’ll be the one holding the box of kittens.
Yes, this.
people who try to write in a way they believe sounds intelligent but is painfully transparent make me sad
I’m just sad all the time without any reason. Maybe I should try the hand driers.
I’m 19 years old and I don’t get this….
Get used to it kid…
When you become old and grey like me there will be a whole lot more things that will baffle you.
Hey I’ve been to this place!
The management is just great.
I wanted to eat my 25 muffins and drink my milk, but they cooled down already when I got there.
I forgot all about how great the hand dryers were, but the management reminded me of it!
They even gave me a free box of kittens to come with their information!
I wonder if anyone ever retrieved their missing leg?
This shall forever haunt me.
Me too!
This is my local theater, so I was surprised to see it on failblog. I am definitely on the wrong side of this joke! I have no idea what is going on. If some kindly person would like to explain it to me in a way that is free of snarkiness and sarcasm, 100 internets to you!
Snarkiness and sarcasm will be accepted/appreciated though if it is actually funny. (And maybe somewhat informative? Please?)
My guess would be that the management is never around, the hand dryers suck and people leave all sorts of crap in the theaters.
Being a resident of Provo myself, I shall explain it clearly.
As others have said in their own way, the humor in this is that the management was bragging about the hand driers they had installed. As you know the theater, you know it is really nothing special in and of itself. However, since the quality of the hand driers is high, people claimed (after noting the original joke about the hand driers and building on it to outrageous levels) that basically everything in their lives was made amazing due to that one fact. The joke is really that the hand driers are completely normal, but that making a big fuss about something normal like that is what companies like the one that runs our fine theater do in order to get more people to show up. In addition, it’s a joke based on exaggeration.
That said, those hand driers saved my cat from colon cancer.
thank you! Much appreciated.
Yes thank you! Though I am genuinely happy about an improvement in hand dryers. The old ones were horrible!
I shall have to experience the magnificent things myself it seems.
The best way to bugger up had driers:
Have a waank in the air inlet duct – it coats the heater elements and sets.
The next time they’re used it dries and smoulders smoky cummy smelling kunk out the hot air outlet.
FUN!
I can’t believe I’m not the only one who does this!! Awesome!
The world would be so much better if people like you didn’t exist D:
I’m quite sure your comment is the biggest fail of all!!!
I saw on “a website” about how this guy played a prank in a public bathroom by taking a dump, wiping his arse, and stuffing the then-soiled toilet paper in the vent of the hand drier.
Because sometimes I am a ten year old boy trapped in the body of a 23 year old woman, I found this hilarious, but then remembered I do custodial work and imagined my reaction if this happened to me. I’d hunt them down where they slept and then I’d laugh more.
you get off on air dryers, do you
Their hand dryers ARE pretty impressive: You put your hands in a box and it seperates the water from your hands in oxygen and hydrogen! First one is pumped into the rooms so no one falls asleep during Twilight, second one is burned and used to heat the cinema. Unfornately there was a big explosion last week when the oxygen concentration became to high.
They are rebuilding it right know, twice the size and bathrooms only!
Using three string-wheel encoders connected to an
ultrasonic transucer which looks through metal, what
are the calculations to derive the end point in space?
If you follow the link, you find the original review:
“My daughter there went on a date with her boyfriend. She came home at 11 pm without her Purity Ring. We didn’t believe her hygiene related explanation. We called the theater manager, and he opened up the theater and let us into the women’s room at 2am. here, beneath the excellent hand dryer, we found the Purity Ring.
Thank you Cinemark 8 Provo for such excellent service.”
The rest of the comments meme the hell out of this.
THANK YOU for the explanation.
Oh, Utah. >.>
I feel like I need to notify the child protection people about “We didn’t believe her hygiene related explanation”. It seems to hide a wealth of emotional abuse.
This is considered perfectly normal behavior in Utah, unfortunately.
No it’s not! If the first “purity ring” post isn’t a joke, then I would shudder to have these neighbors.
I actually had to Google “Purity Ring”, and my palm rose to my face on it’s own when I found out what they are. I mean of course it’s a fool proof way of keeping your finger pure.
Stay safe, sweetheart. Get condoms and learn jeet kune do.
ya it definitely needed this info to bring it together
I’ve been to this theater. Apparently I need to go back again. I’m so glad people made fun of new management advertising New hand dryers. That’s hilarious.
Hahahahaha. So funny!
I don’t always dry my hands, but when I do, I go to Cinemark Provo Movies 8.
Hahah win. Tired of dishwater hands? Just not getting dry enough from towels? Try Cinemark Provo Movies 8! Not only will our hand dryers dry you so dry you’ll never need drying again, but we also have a boxes of kittens boxes and we give away free kazoos!
PS. If you have lost your artificial leg, please contact the management immediately. One is available for your convenience at all times in the manager box.
thumbs up if u read like 3 then went 2 the commnets
Are you kidding me? Do everyone a favor, and don’t go back to youtube until you’re at least five years older.
Is there any way to read the entire list of reviews? I’ve followed the link and they only seem to keep the ten most recent. I’d like to see how the reviews have evolved (or devolved, depending on your perspective).
I’ve been to this theater so many times and I never once even thought to try out the hand dryers.
also, as a mormon girl, I have to say that I’ve never seen any one with a purity ring. That’s just a little… too weird.
I know, right?
Yeah, I usually just see Protestants with those.
Also…I live in the same town as this theater. Awesome. I’ll have to go try out those fantastic new hand-dryers.