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Jesus’ diet for your sins.
You win one complimentary interweb.
looks like she’s done some excosisms
*exorcisms
Now eat of the body of christ, he’s low in fat.
He’s also high in fiber. Just remember to go to confession first.
If those little communion crackers turn into the body of christ, couldn’t you pump some stomaches for DNA and clone a few new ones? 0.o
Unfortunately, human cloing has been outlawed
möses
Moses was Jewish, duh!
so was Jesus
“Jesus was only Jewish on his mother’s side” -Archibald Bunker
Which makes him 100% Jewish.
Oh, I get it, it was irony!
GOD did His MOM trough her mouth!
wOw!
Praise her size.
Um… what?
Is this a diet or is it exercise? The advertisement doesn’t really seem to know.
She “dedicated” her diet to Jesus… I think she fed him.
I think she’s a zombie and parts fell off of her.
surprisingly, not the hair.
♫ She’s Lorded up and larded down.
She’s got the biggest hair in town. ♫
Ooooo, I like it! I’ll be singing that all day now.
Southern Culture on the Skids parody FTW!
Holy anorexia godman, she regurgitated her haagen daz into his mouth like a baby bird.
Diet of Worms? You must be Lutheran.
Or a cardinal.
since i lost all this weight on praise-r-cise,
i can start dressing like a whore again!
LOL
How exactly does tank-top-and-shorts = whore? That makes no sense.
It’s not fake, it’s a miracle!
That’s right — but a side effect is time travel.
I gather being crucified is remarkably slimming.
Hang in there, dude, you’ll lose weight!
You’ll be thin as a nail!
(Tu sera mince comme un clou!)
Seras. Not Sera.
I’ve seen people lose a lot more thanks to Sharia law.
[insert reference to crimes committed in the name of any religion]
[citation needed]
[history knowledge needed]
[set of bunk beds needed: will pay cash]
[history knowledge still needed, despite attempt at derailing subject]
[Score needed] I was on +1 last time I checked.
Wanted to give you another -1 for this one, but the comments system actually noticed it was identical to the other “-1″ comment and rejected it!
That said, I might up your score for the South Park reference to +20; it was *really* funny.
This really looks to me like the uploader merely thinks that using religion as a tool to lose weight is a FAIL. I disagree. While I would never share any aspect of this woman’s faith or beliefs, I fail to see any FAIL here. This appears to be merely a combination of proselytizing and advertising, and if this woman wants to (a) use her faith in a religion I personally don’t share as a tool to accomplish weight loss and/or other improvements in her health and (b) start a business in the spirit of free enterprise to help other, like-minded individuals to do so as well, then more power to her. It’s a self-help scam, no more and no less, and those things work if you commit to them. The only difference between them is finding the one with the gimmick you can buy into — and for a lot of people, religion just might do the trick. Kinda makes me wish I believed in a deity and all the melodramatic trappings of a religion so that I could focus on all that to help me be healthier.
Or am I missing the obviousness of the FAIL here?
Yeah… Jesus totally digged the fat chicks. Mary Magdelene was a porker!
-1
Ditto…where’s the fail?
The fail — aside from a crass attempt to use Christianity to market her “product” — is that the “after” picture is obviously about 20 years older than the “before” picture.
Not necessarily. After a certain age, being fat makes a person look younger. The padding makes wrinkles a lot less obvious.
Unless you meant 20 years younger, like someone else said. If that’s the case, I got nothing.
(I can’t see her face well enough to tell if it’s the same woman, so I have no opinion.)
It’s the same woman, but the style of shorts and tank top she’s wearing in the “after” picture appears to be from the 80s, as well as that particular poofy hairstyle (with the blonde roots and all.) I’d put her in her early thirties there.
The before picture is her, probably taken in the 2000s, when she was in her early fifties and had sagged a lot, not just gained weight.
It’s not even a photoshop fail, it’s just an amateur marketing department fail.
Couldn’t one simply attempt to follow the creed that gluttony is a sin and that not eating more than is necessary would be a good thing? It seems that’s basically what the ad is doing here. Last time I checked eating only what you needed to eat would equal an agreeable weight and appearance.
I didn’t get it at first either until I read the comment left by “fuzz on the concept” that pointed out that “Prais-r-cise” sounds like “Praise her size”, which I believe the uploader interpreted to be ironic since it is a weight loss program.
Well, we can certainly praise her new size!
I don’t see the fail either. I kept looking at the picture, reading every word on it three times, had my son read it in case I was missing something. I just can’t find the fail.
+1
Steps of Praise-r-cise:
1. Admit that you are powerless over your weight.
2. Believe that a power greater than yourself can help you.
3. Turn your life over to god as you understand him.
4. Make a moral inventory.
5. Admit to god the exact nature of your wrongs.
6. Be ready to have god remove your defects.
7. Humbly ask god to remove your shortcomings.
This is not a cult. You just have to admit that there is some kind God who has complete control over you. It’s the 7 step program.
8. Prophet?
Cle-ver.
+2
That just made my day.
step 9. ?????
step 10. PROFIT!!!
11. Raspberry cheesecake
Results may vary. Praise-r-cise is not responsible for any violent shifts in religion after taking this program. Islam, Judaism, and Buddhism are not supported religions in Praise-r-cise.
You know the church is getting desperate for $$$ when they start marketing diet programs. Praise Jebus!
8. Prey to god for sustanence.
9. Eat all provided sustanence.
10. Magicly lose weight.
actually, be careful of your voice turning minnie mouse a la cartman
I don’t see how something to do with somebody’s faith is a fail.
Ever?
And ever amen!
Dude, the ‘after’ photo is taken yeeears before the ‘before’ photo.
Show some faith in the concept of time travel NON BELIEVER!
Most of the government fails are because of somebodies “faith.”
Actually, most of the world’s fails are because of somebody’s faith, regardless of religion.
Really?
What religion sank the Titianic?
What religion bombed Pearl Harbor?
What religion murdered 50 million Chinese?
What religion invaded Vietnam?
What religion flew jumbo jets into the WYC Towers — oops, we know that one, don’t we?
What religion invaded Vietnam? The american cold war religion
I’m fairly sure that Maoist Communists invaded South Vietnam and butchered about 3 million people in the mid 1970s.
Yeah.
FYI- Communism is NOT a religion, it is a political ideology. They are are different things, don’t confuse them. It would be wise to refrain from such comments in the future- it just makes you sound ignorant.
I didn’t know that icebergs had a religion.
mr tran did most of these >:)
Yeah that’s what I meant.
You don’t see how using Jesus to make a buck and lieing while doing it are a problem? Really?
Damn moderation… Again:
Any chance to post it…
Woops! My link disappeared from the text?!? Does that happen often nowadays?
Well, it was a zero calorie link and I’m on a prayer diet…so I ate it. Sorry.
The after photo looks like they sent her right back to the 80s. Do not want!
She’ll take care of John Conner once and for all.
“I’ll be back, now, y’hear?”
Little do people know that Christians actually perfected time travel thanks to hints from the Gospel of Mark about 40 years ago. Jesus always wanted us to know how to do it, and we’re sending Marty McFly back to save Him. “He’s alive! Jesus is alive! He’s in, uh, 30 AD…but he’s ALIVE!”
Don’t forget to add hot pink and lime green Swatch watches.
Well, it works!
How is this a fail? It’s not. At all. WTF? It’s just a Christian weight loss group. It’s no different than a boxing, running, swimming, etc health group. It’s just combining interests to help you meet a goal. Oh! Those Christians are such fail! Do the same thing with Jews or Muslims and the ACLU will be all over you. WTF Failblog?
Swimming has nothing to do with it. Make that runningO².
Okay, that would be an airwalk. I’ll better go to bed now.
First of all… it’s another lame “hey, buy this because I used the word ‘Jesus’” ad.
Second… “Before” photo appears to be taken 30 years LATER than the “After” photo.
And third there’s the “praise her size” line
*drinks shot*
No.
So you think it’s ok to use jesus to make a buck but not only will he help you lose weight he will make your “after” photo 20 or 30 years younger.
So then lieing to make a buck off Jesus is not a problem for you?
its a good idea.
omg
Fufufu… Jesus is probably the Mexican doctor who stuck the liposuction tube into her. Did he suck out her brain in the process?
oh YES
The “Christian Alternative?”
Alternative to what? Naughty, naughty Pilates classes?
Pontius Pilates?
Win….
No one can deny it…
+20 internets.
Well, for some Christians, yes. There are those who consider Pilates to be tied up with New Age philosophy, and therefore in their opinion Christians should stay away from it. Similarly, yoga is connected to Hindu meditation techniques and is unacceptable.
My guess would be that Praise-r-cise is just an exercise program (maybe aerobics-style?) set to Christian Contemporary music with some Evangelical Christian philosophy mixed in – much as there are diet plans that use Bible verses and so on as motivators. It looks weird to *me*, but I’m hardly the target market.
Yoga is unacceptable to Christians??? When did that happen?? Oh well, if I am going to h*ll I will look damn good in that red bodysuit
If by “God” you mean the Archangel Foster….
Faith in BS “religion”, FTW!
The 5 times a day she was praying she wasn’t watching Sally Jessy while stuffing her mouth with pies.
A diet that covers a multitude of chins.
If you don’t sin, Jesus diet for nothing.
btw, I’ll take the “After” one, thanks!
Oh, and what again is the specific difference between a sect and Christianism or any other large religion???
Right, there is none, except for Christians calling sects sects.
Um, I think you are a little confused there. Re-read your jargon and educate yourself a wee bit better before trying to troll with the grown-ups.
please specify, i don’t see my confusion.
In comparative studies of religion, religion, sect, church, cult, and denomination can all have slightly different definitions, depending on which theorist you pay attention to. However, in the case of a sect, it is generally defined (roughly) as a small group (usually religious in nature) which has split from a larger group due to differences in beliefs or practices. There is a large area of ambiguity, however, as to at what point a sect becomes mainstreamed into a denomination or religion of its own, and the term can actually refer to a non-religious group as well.
(and that’s what makes the derogatory meaning of “sect” when used by certain people…kind of meaningless)
Well, just so long as they’re safe sects.
christianity* even
plastic surgery done to tighten up all that loose skin from the weight loss.
It turned out she wasn’t fat at all. She was just pregnant. The same day she started praying Jesus sent her a sign. He opened an abortion clinic across the road. She gets her tubes scaped three times a year now, She hasn’t looked back since. Prays the lord. Hallelujah
Gotta love how fail blog LOOKS for ways to make fun of people who practice religion.
You’re not being persecuted for being Christian. If you can’t even stand the possibility someone might be poking fun at your religion, you have two options. Grow a thicker skin, or GTFO the internet.
Latter plz.
On noes a Christian lied to make money off Jebus. How dare you point that out to me. My 73% of the population is so opressed.
Basicly what I heard.
1. We admitted we were powerless over noms—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to less-noms.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless inventory of our stomachs.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our nommings.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove 60% of our body mass.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our lard.
8. Made a list of all pies we have nommed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Constructed altars outside major supermarkets wherever possible, and burnt two of every type of pie. (must be a man who did this, who’s with me girlfriends?)
10. Continued to take an inventory of our stomachs, and when we has noms promptly admitted it.
11. Sought the Loch Ness Monster through prayer, telepathy, black magic, astrology and copper bracelets.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we continuted to not nom, and promptly died of starvation.
Looks familiar to another comment i’ve seen.
Is this not proof that religion is a currently-undetected and extraordinarily subversive mental disorder that has been spread by “grooming” generations into this belief? If you haven’t found and watched the movie “Religulous” online by now, you are probably one of them.
Poor Jesus must constantly be looking down on his followers and face-palming…people, hasn’t he suffered enough?!!!?
inb4 God takes credit.
If anyone does not love the Lord Jesus Christ. Let him be accused O Lord come. Amen!
“hurr why is this fail to practice a relijin hurr”
If you don’t understand why this is fail, I don’t know why you’re on this site.
Here are a couple of excerpts from the Praise-r-Size workout routine:
First get down upon your knees.
Fiddle with your rosaries.
Bow your head with great respect, and
Genuflect, genuflect, genuflect…
Two, four, six, eight
Time to transubstantiate…
Strangely, this workout routine is identical to Tom Lehrer’s “Vatican Rag”.
Hey, ANYTHING that will help a woman lose weight is a good thing (for my eyes.. and my lunch anyway)
That being said,
“The Lord hateth the rotund and the slovenly. They shall be among the first to perish in the End of Days.”
Revelations, 24:10
It’s like she’s a different person now, literally. Does this diet dye your hair and give your face some plastic surgery?
So the after picture was a younger version of herself, so either “God/Jesus or whatever other fictional character she chooses to follow” gave her a slimmer figure and made her look younger or she is going to hell because she posted an older younger picture of herself to scam simpleton religious people into thinking she lost weight. SHAME on you sinner!
The only reason women and men over 50 lose weight is to get laid and its usually not by their significant others.
That or to make it to age 60.
“The christian alternative”
He died for your sins to make you thins!
Where’s the fail? Your Christophobia?
Awesomeness personified!
In fact, I would go far as to say this is the most EPIC fail pic I have seen in a long time! LOL.. God will help you no doubt, but only if you help yourself!
Ah just have fun as my friend Jerald Martinetto play only free games in your free time.
… Thats bad.