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Were they serving donuts at the stripper joint?
No, it was a sausage fest.
Not exactly. They were eclairs.
Great. Now I’m hungry.
Nice work! Now I am too… :\
Sorry.
*Offers cookies*
I want the eclairs you promised.
Was that just a Van Wilder reference?
Um… sure?
*scratches head*
Umm…
*vomits*
Um…are you gonna clean after yourself?
*tosses ShamWow in La Ferme’s direction*
I’s sowies…
*Grabs Shamwow*
It’s okay … happens all the time. *pat* *pat* *squeeze*
Um…squeezing probally isn’t a good idea. He did just vomit and what not.
*showers*
It’s okay, I vomit maple syrup. It’s not gross, just uncomfortable.
…and sticky. Don’t forget sticky.
*collects syrup in bootle*
*goes off to make pancakes*
*will be back in fifteen minutes*
I think the stickiness speaks for itself.
I heard that Gracie.
*fixes slight spelling mistake*
*goes back to making pancakes*
*puts plater of free pancakes on table*
*gives Gracie a squeeze*
Woah! T and pancakes? Best. Breakfast. Ever!
Breakfast for you maybe. This is my lunch.
*noms a pancake*
Brunch maybe?
Whatever it is, it’s waffley-good!
*Noms*
Can I make a request for chocolate pancakes?
*looks hopeful*
Is there any other kind?
Eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
*noms chocolate pancakes*
I am so in heaven right now.
Look! A midget stripper!
*sneaks eclairs onto cookie tray while no one is looking*
Whut? Oh, look … eclairs.
Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!
*noms eclairs*
*sneaks a few eclairs*
So, Leila sweetie. Do you have any leftover birthday cake you can share?
O.O
Birthday cake?
*stares at Leila with hopeful look in his eyes*
Funny you should mention that. The cake is still sitting in the fridge. I got carried away and ordered a few cupcakes too and we ate those and got full.
*brings out chocolate cake from fridge*
Enjoy everyone!!!
Thankie!
*takes slice of cake*
Hope you had a happy birthday. Sorry I missed it.
*cakeSquishesGracie*
Yet another second B-day wish.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEILA!!! *Squeeze*
*Canada Explodes*
*Grabs piece of cake*
It was quick and painless. They felt Nunavut.
Did you guys just hear something?
Sounded like an explosion.
It wasn’t me!
Sure, blame the leafy guy wearing a big “eh!”
I was going to blame the rain but okay Ferme.
*points*
IT WAS FERME!!!
Well if you blame it on the rain, then what can be gained?
So if all else fails…
Wait a moment…
Hey!
But Arthur isn’t here.
I doesn’t matter who you blame, as long as it isn’t you. Let’s all just blame the government, like everyone does.
Arthur likes it. He’s such an attention whore.
So true!
*clears throat*
Attention everyone!! Attention!!! You in the leaf, stop shagging that poor sheep.
I hereby make a retraction and I BLAME ARTHUR instead!!!
Thank you.
*noms eclaisrs and cookies*
Leila had a birthday? And I missed it??
Happy Birthday, Leila!
It was yesterday.
Wheeeeeeeeee!!!! Thank you!
Hey, happy birthday! Wooooooo hoooooooo!!
Whoooooooooo!!! Have some cake Madness!
*offers slice of cake*
Cake Madness? Is this a new flavor I’ve never heard about?
No, it’s a game where you well….
*FOOD FIGHT!*
*takes back up cakes and squishes some on Ferme*
*flees*
Heeeeeeeeeeheeeeee!!!!!
*collars Leila*
Now I’ve got you on a Leche.
Now If I Marie-turn the favor…
Eat Cake!!! *Squishes cake in Leila’s face.*
I know it was yesterday, but I was so busy I didn’t get to send you wishes on FB2…
*wheels in banner*
Happy Birthday, Leila!!!
Happy birthday Leila. Oh to be 20 again.
*wipes cake off face*
*glares @ Ferme*
*takes another piece of cake and smooshes Ferme’s face to it*
Thanks buttacow!!
*squeeze*
You H’antoinette!
*Dumps box of cakes on Leila.*
Drops cake-nuke on Leila. A cake-nuke is a bomb that causes no damage, just a giant mess. It is a pain to clean up, and the place where it explodes will be impossible to live in (due to messiness) for a long time. (About 3-5 weeks)
Thanks Marius! *squeezeBro*
*Loler27′s attack failed.*
Shall I use the the Dryad attack? It’s super-effective!
I think you should Ferme. It’s the only solution.
Okay…
*Hangs head*
I want that midget in my belly
I guess you can say.
*Puts on sunglasses*
His time as a cop was short.
YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAH!
Also, he only watched a short time. He just wanted a little peek. It was only a small infraction.
I guess his resignation was short notice.
Never mind, the whole thing was a publicity stunt.
It was a stunted stunt.
Bridgt the Midget IS a donut.
At least he did not try to perform a full cavity search.
Well, he’s a cop, not a dentist.
Then why was he trying to num the stripper?
He was trying to nom the stripper? While in uniform??
They taste best while in uniform. Or so I’ve heard.
I guess it’s better than trying to nom the stripper while getting out of his uniform.
Hey, don’t knock it ’til you try it!
Not that I ever have or anything…
“Along with other infractions.” Well? What were they? Inquiring minds want to know!
Eating doughnuts while driveing, drinking lukewarm coffee, and the enjoyment of fruty alcoholic beverages.
He lied to investigators and put a laser-sniper scope on his gun. I see nothing wrong with the scope; the criminals are using them, so why give them the advantage?
Be prepared!
My question is why it took 2 reporters to write this story.
Because they’re both midgets of course.
Everybody needs a wing man.
They were short on staff and only had a little time to write a small story.
there Budget got cut SHORT, so they have to share news.
Haha, I get it. I guess they had SHORT notice!
(You’ve already made that joke).
Do you think little of him?
That’s not going to help his tiny… ego
Belittling him will only make matters worse.
I resemble these diminutive remarks!
You make me feel small.
♪ It takes two to make a thing go right! ♫
Ebil ebil Ms B!
*Cries over wheezy cat earworm*
*agrees with Marius*
*starts playing “Cotton Eyed Joe” to counteract earworm*
Bwahahahahaha!
*squeezes*
I dont see the problem here… it’s not like he doesnt have a radio so for the what 2 or 3 min she was probably on stage if he got a severe call he could respond… why make the guy quit for something that’s obviously a curiosity for a lot of guys. He had the opportunity and took it. It’s not like the speeders and drunk drivers dont evade the cops any other day anyway. Not to mention the wife beaters, drug dealer, rapists, murderers etc… so cut the guy some slack he IS human after all. hes just been cleared to have the right to enforce our laws and last time I checked going to a strip joint isnt illegal… even on duty.
Does your employer pay you for time spent at a strip club? Would they? I know mine would fire my @ss!
Sorry…I just had this vision of Ewoks pole dancing…NOT a pretty picture…
FTW?
I hope the Wookie is enjoying all this action.
*repeats to self, “Never fail and drink, never fail and drink, etc.”*
*finds ShamWow™ to wipe off monitor*
*sends bill to Ms B*
*flees*
*reads article* He pulled a man out of a burning car? Damn, that’s one good cop lost. But yeah, some things you just shouldn’t do while on duty.
Not even pick your nose?
Choke the chicken?
Drop your gun?
Of course this would happen in Massachusetts…
Hey, I’m going to MA this week, maybe I’ll check if Bridget is still in town.
Tell her Leila said “hey girl, HEY!!!”
I heard he was nuts over her..
his fellow officer’s ratted him out? they were just jealous they didnt get to see the show.
Reminds me of a joke:
This Scottish farmer walks into the neighborhood pub, and orders a whiskey.
“Ye see that fence over there?” he says to the bartender. “Ah built it with me own two hands! Dug up the holes with me shovel, chopped doon the trees for the posts by me ownself, laid every last rail! But do they call me ‘McGregor the Fence-Builder?’ No…”
He gulps down the whiskey and orders another. “Ye see that pier on the loch?” He continues, “Ah built it me ownself, too. Swam oot into the loch to lay the foondations, laid doon every single board! But do they call me ‘McGregor the Pier-Builder?’ No.”
“But ye screw ONE sheep …”
Umm..There wasn’t a midget within 50 miles (sorry, killometers) of that joke.. Try again!!
I take it your trolling but I’ll bite.
“pulled man from burning car”/past good works = Fence-Builder/Pier-Builder
“Screw one sheep” = midget gazing resulting in resignation
See…it’s funny because…
Oh… I like midgets..
Freaking classic! Wasn’t that the alternate ending to Braveheart?
Latest reports are she’s seeking permanent residency on John Kerry’s yacht, but unfortunately, Mr. Kerry isn’t keeping it anywhere enar MA, due to the high taxes n’all..
fail
Wow, you’re hanging out with Steve…you so cool.
~I wanna be just like steve when I am growed up.~
I was like Steve in the past, but I couldn’t maintain that level of awesome. I have fallen so far.
Now what did sis DW tell you about playing with trolls?? Besides, I believe you have mess to clean up in the breakroom, missy!
*taps hoof*
*leads Leila to clean up cake mess*
*Hides in a box of Shamwows*
Ferme started it buttacow, he did!! I didn’t make the mess…Oh okay!!!
*grabs a pile of ShamWow™ and … *
Whaddafuuh???
*Rolls out covered lobe-to stem in ShamWows*
I guess I’ll take on the roll of leafy dust-mop.
How did you…? and why aren’t you clothed? and …why… oh, my mom is calling me.
Well… um… there’s no way to talk myself out of this one…
Unless…
SURPRISE!
Ummm, wouldn’t that work better if you had one of those giant cakes to pop out of? Popping out of ShamWows™ doesn’t quite have the same effect…just sayin’…
Actually…
h ttp://failblog.org/2009/11/17/cookie-sheet-fai/#comment-680305
*snork*
Made a funny and didn’t know it…
Yep, and now everybody knows how long I lurked before coming onto the blog for reals…
fail fail and fail
Says he was also in trouble for adding a laser scope to his gun. I guess the midgets are hard to hit.
An “inappropriate” laser scope. I’m thinking pole-dancing-midget laser scope.
Yeah, people are going to remember you for your mistakes rather than your accomplishments. So this officer is pretty dumb. I mean look at politics. One of the best tactics used are ones where the other party made an error. They don’t talk about accomplishments even about themselves, only mistakes that they did or did not make.
Says he was also in trouble for adding a laser scope to his gun. I guess the midgets are hard to hit.
Says he was also in trouble for adding a laser scope to his gun. I guess the midgets are hard to hit.
100% FAIL
It’s a win xd
Cops do walk-throughs of strip clubs all the time, under the pretense that they are just there to “keep the peace”. His fail was actually stopping to lear at the performer; if you just keep walking around like you are checking out the customers, then nobody suspects anything. I’m pretty sure they get let in free too – owners like cops to keep a high profile.
He got ratted on by his buddies. If what he said is true, that he pulled someone out of a car the previous day, but they sacked him for this, and the laser scope, he sounds like a good if maverick cop to me. Plays by his own rules
Did someone also read Fail River at first.
All joking aside she is a really cool person. Even if you aren’t into strippers and that whole culture it is worth checking out one of her shows just to hang out.
He should have just bought the DVD “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell,” by Tucker Max. Bridget the Midget does a cameo as a midget stripper (yes, topless).
he makes a good point in one of his comments. no prizes for guessing which one i refer to
A smart cop would have tased the midget, then he’d be given a walk.
What’s a walk?
… just one goat …
I actually agree with his points in the second-to-last paragraph. People remember disgrace more than bravery.
Still, COP FAIL!!!
am i the only one who read how he also put a laser scope on his hand gun as well?
…now i want to see a 3 foot 9 midget
ugh i meant STRIPPER midget
Why is he complaining? If i was the boss I’d fire him, too. He isn’t payed to watch strippers, that he can do after work. Idiot.
This was on the news channel that I watch. YES! THE PLACE NEAR WHERE I LIVE MADE IT TO FAILBLOG! Now that I think about it, it may not be the best idea to shout that from the rooftops.