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Cheezburger Company Blog
EXIT ONLY!!!
“The brown zone is for immediate
loading andunloading of passengers only.”Once, when I was working for Lane Bryant, this strange woman kept going on and on about her tattoos. She decided to show me her butt-tattoo(without asking) and it said, “Exit Only.”
*frantically looks for brain bleach*
*sets up stand, with sign reading “Brain Bleach Special: Two for the Price of Three!”*
*waits*
*Sets up stand next to LCB, with sign reading “Brain Bleach Specialer: Free, for 500 yen!”*
*adds sign to stand reading “Yen Exchange: Give Us a Dollar and We’ll Give You a Yen”*
I have a yen for some brain bleach, please.
1 dollar is about 100 yen. free money!
If my brain weren’t currently being bleached, I would have seen what you did there.
this = tame.
Yes, this sounds like the kind of people who shop at LB. I’ve worked there off and on for the past five years
bleeeeeh.
Interesting. Over on failbook, anyone who says that whenever there’s a butt poking reference is slammed for being a prude. Man… I just… poop is gross, end of story. Unidirectional orifice.
I need to spend more time over here.
you spelled omnidirectional incorrectly
You spelled “ou spelled omnidirectional incorrectly”.
Ever heard of a suppository? Or a rectal thermometer? An enema? A doctor’s finger for a potentially life saving exam?
Or your Mom’s tongue?
Sometimes stuff goes in there too. It’s not really that big of a deal.
hahah! this is soo good!
… followed up promptly by, “That’s what she said.”
*snerk*
To quoth the average teen boy, “That’s what she said.”
I’m pretty sure this is a “that’s what HE said” moment.
Ry?
Hahahahahahaha! Snif, I miss Ry.
Me too. I checked out old fails the other day and it’s official: Back then everything WAS better.
*Cries*
“‘Don’t live in the past, don’t ponder about the future, stay at the PRESENT moment NOW…always.”
Twain knew something about the STC that we don’t…
*Presently squeezing*
*squeeeeeeeeeeeze*
I wasn’t insulted…but I was a little hurt.
What are we? Chopped liver?
Oh … erm…
Uh… would chopped tofu be considered the same? If so, I call JINX … maybe?
*pat*
*pat*
*squeeze*
My two feelings are hurted too.
The grass was greener, people were nicer, jokes were funnier, inflation was lower, I was younger, food tasted better…
“People were nicer”? Doubt it. Remember Burn of the Week?
Hmmm, it seems I dropped these: ~~
Ah. No harm done.
What am I? Chopped tofu?
There there.
*hands Leila a tissue and a squeeze*
If you are, please pass the soy sauce….
Actually, under the circumstances, I suggest not… sniffing…
Okay, scratch that.
Picky, picky.
You were just itching to do that, weren’t you?
Pass me the tweezers, I think I haptic.
By Jove, I think he’s tactile!
That’s a touchy subject.
Wait, you aren’t talking about me are you?
Nice try random person…..
No, I’m serious! If you mean the Ry from ‘Slides should be everywhere’ than that’s me. *Bang*
IMPOSTER!
This guy is a legend.
or a perv, you decide.
There has to be difference?
That’s a good point.
\There are some who say that Hercules, upon defeating the Hydra, was heard to quip, “And that, folks, is how you give head.”
/agree
I’d love to ask him 10 years from now if he still loves that comment. My money is on embarrassed.
Reminds me of seeing a man at a table with 2 small children, his wife, and his mum-in-law. He was wearing khaki shorts and a pink polo shirt. His forearm had a large tattoo that said “Wild Man” which made me nearly choke from laughter. I would’ve taken his picture for FB submission, but I couldn’t hold still long enough to take it because of the giggles.
*snorkroffle-squeeze!*
At least it was spelled correctly.
My yearbook quote was “Look me up in10 years and I’ll let any of you bastards mow my lawn”
Offer still stands.
You do have a lawn, right?
Not so much.
You can mow mine then.
WIN!
“I’d love to ask him 10 years from now if he still loves that comment. My money is on embarrassed.”
I’ll bet on “not.” That degree of douchebaggery leaves little room for personal responsibility, self-reflection, etiquette, decorum, or courtesy.
In 10 years, he’ll still be with his “bros” at the bar looking to score. And really looking forward to the high school reunion.
You’ve never done anything that you regretted? You sound dull as dishwater.
fortunately you can ask him as he graduated in 2000 and it has already been ten years.
You know the rule, pic or it didn’t happen.
no pic = it didn’t happen. :C
I find it slightly hard to believe that the term “head” was coined in Hercules’s time.
We could take his example and choose both.
I don’t agree with “legendary” for being quoted with The Shocker in your yearbook. IMO it would have been legendary if he had used The Minivan.
I think this is the type of guy who would never get married. He probably still wants to explore until he’s like eighty.
what?
First!
To get one in stink ? … liar !
Cousin of Polishin Dogz
LMFAO
Kids these days… so unadventurous.
first
?
I believe that only works when you really are first…
Explorer?
I barely knew ‘er.
I have spied what you have acted in that location.
Is there actually a non-sexual interpretation of this? I can’t think of one…
Exactly! How could the yearbook advisor let this one slip by?
High-larious, though.
He probably thought it was some crappy teenage poetry.
And, friends, that’s exactly what it was.
WTF! I can’t believe the editors were so clueless.
Actually, I think the editors were well-aware what was going on.
Most people of any other age group would either shake their head sadly at this wealth of immaturity, or be too young to understand what Mr. Kaatz was talking about. Only high-school age boys would find this funny. Which leads us to the actual problem: the editors of this yearbook are most likely high-school age boys.
you sound fat
*holds up a placard with a 9.8 on it*
…You only lost the .2 because in your enthusiasm you got some troll goo on me. :ick:
But, you still look Prettyful today, Dragon!
Prettyful is a bootiful new word!!
*wanders by*
*sees troll goo*
Who was that troll? It sounded fatuous.
Doesn’t matter…it ended in a fatality.
Let’s have a fête!
It was fate. Shortening his time here was meant to be.
‘Twould be a fait accompli!
I’m still recovering from the last one, and it hurts! That’s right, I’m suffering from the agony of the fête.
That the fêtes the purpose of the thing!
Wait, wut?
I thought it was parfait, too!
I’m tired of these fetid puns.
While we’re on the subject, I feel I must thank you for goo-ifying the correct Shadow.
*tries not to think about the alternative*
*nomnomnomsqueezeee*
*(noms the cookie, not Gracie)*
*peeks in*
*notices the troll goo*
Nicely done!
Ooh, where can I get a pink sparkly bat??
i actually went to this high school and graduated with dustin. 10 years ago that phrase or the ‘shocker’ were not that wildly known. and to add, the yearbook editor was a high school girl.
and this was not even the best entry in the yearbook. kobe bryant’s wife went to our high school and her ‘senior page’ has pictures of her in a gold bikini with snoop and kobe from a music video shoot. the same music video shoot were she met kobe for the first time…
Inspirational to a tee.
Meh, I prefer to rock the Spock. Live long and prosper.
Sorry. To the naughty barn I go.
I suggest moving on up to the Minivan. Two in the front, five in the back.
I learn something new everyday….
Don’t even ask about the Portuguese Breakfast. Or the Boston Pancake. And never, never, ever ask about the Alaskan Pipeline.
Or the Birmingham Booty Call.
does the Alaskan Pipeline involve a giant “bull worm”?
Srsly, how do people come up with this sh*t (no pun intended)?? I mean, someone just sat around one day, bored with their sex life and went: “You know what would be a great idea? …”
*shakes head sadly as a little faith in the inherent goodness of humanity is once again taken away by the internet*
I’m just wondering what kind of precision aiming and packaging would be required…..
So if you seek beneath our floors
A treasure that was never yours,
Thief, you have been warned, beware
Of finding more than treasure there.
Most dirty Harry Potter reference I’ve heard since the one that substituted “wang” for “wand” throughout the series XD
Bravo
Shocking.
Indeed.
That’s a win? Sounds like a moron to me. Sadly there are probably dozens of teenage girls with low self-esteem lining to get used by him.
A sigh for the future of humanity.
Lining what? My mind is running wild here.
This Dustin Kaatz guy is going to have to change his name.. what a chooch. Hopefully this little yearbook stunt follows him around for good.
for President!!!
Dustin Kaatz is full of awesome
He’s full of something, that’s for sure…
Oooooooooh fudge!!! I mean…snap!
Dustin Kaatz wishes.
Epic WIN!!!
Hai! I has be Dustin Kaatz for hoomans all day! KTHXBAI!!
Wha….? Oh sorry. Wrong board.
There are a lot of uptight middle aged women on here today. Chill out people!
This is a win. Way to go Dustin Kaatz.
High school yearbooks are made for pranks like this, I vote that it’s awesome (though I have to admit, the kid looks like a douche and I’m sure I would have hated him when I was in school).
This is not a democracy – NO VOTE for you!!!!
I had a high school History teacher who told us on the first day of school:
“This is not a democracy, this is a monarchy. And I’m the monarch.”
She was a bit frightening.
Funny, my teacher always said it was a dictatorship, and she, the dictator. My FIFTH GRADE teacher.
My dad says stuff like that a lot >.> he’s a bit of a control freak (thankfully not stiflingly so, but it can get frustrating).
The right thing to do history would obviously have been to write up your own declaration of independence, and kill everyone that supports the teacher. That’s how monarchs are usually treated as taught in history class :p
Vote Nazi.
The last vote you’ll ever have to make.
Future Hot Chicks with Douchebags award winner.
…I don’t get this.
Badum dum Tsshh!
She’ll be here all week, please try the fish and don’t forget to tip your waitstaff.
And to think my high school wouldn’t let me put “Thou shalt not molest thy neighbor horse” on my senior page.
You had horses for neighbors?
*squeezies the little bird*
It was an inside joke between me and a specific friend. My page was mostly comprised of in jokes directed at different friends. This one was something to do with both journalism class and Canturbury Tales.
*squeezeback*
Some of my neighbors were horses a-…er… rears, though.
Ah I see. Hehe!! If I had a choice, I would have horses and not the humans for neighbors.
*shoves an “s” into previous comment*
*looks sheepishly about, hoping no one noticed*
*squeeze*
It always is, isn’t it?
I’m willing to bet Mr. Kaatz here is NOT speaking from personal experience.
Good luck finding someone to take you up on that one.
On the contrary. I think it’ll be very easy to find a whole high school full of girls who will deny they ever afforded him that kind of access.
He’s legen…wait for it…dary.
“…life is an adventure, Internet Explorer”
Oh yes she is…in the most wonderful, fabulous, powerful, marvelous senses of the words.
how did he get away wif it? did no one notice how sexual the comment it was or is everybody jus that naivete…..
Classic… I totally know this guy–I sat next to him in Kim O’Neil’s english class at Humboldt State–good times!!
I wonder who is Explore. Did he/she enjoy the experience?
This guy had a horny johnson that day!
The only thing he wins at is being a douchebag.
FAIL.
yup, pretty much
I was shocked
Is that Eli Manning on the right?
I don’t get it.
really? in this day and age? that’s a shocker.
Win. ^Seriously?
For the love of all that is good in this world STOP squeezing each other! Its pretty sad to be honest.
Wow it took you that long? Maybe there’s hope for the internet after all…
Actually, there is no hope because the saying refers to fingers.
If you can work out the logistics of making this happen with peni, then please draw it up schematically and PDF it to me.
Why do I get the impression that high school graduation is the high point for this moron?
Nah that’s a middle-man’s confession
fail
He’s hott tho!! And apparently pretty funny…
Dora the explorer reference…
legendary
Sorry, I don’t see how this is a WIN, unless you ARE still in high school. And yeah, I get the reference. Still FAIL to me.
Commence the BAWW U DONT GET IT …. now.
My pokemen… let me show you them…
My question is when is this from? It’s a pretty much direct quote from “Waiting”, but maybe they ripped it of from Dustin in which case he is legen… wait for it… dary.
What an epic douchebag.
This is a fail, not a win…
I agree.
Being a douchebag is a WIN?
Gotta side with np and dghffdg on this one.
This guy is awesome, someone should look him up
I was thinking he was saying that he had vag sex twice and anal once… 3 times in your whole life, pretty pathetic.
ladies and gentlemen! the shocker!!!!
That’s Ace!! wish I’d thought of that for my quote
saying that when I finished school the shocker wasn’t as well known as now
Well you didnt so move on with your life
this guy is my hero