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But the particularly dumb ones will try that & will take out innocent non-chuchgoers in the process.
Innocent and non-church goers? That is awesome.
A church advocating murder suicide – ~that’s totally what Jesus would do.~
Let us prey.
True Win is True
Did you just call me a TWiT?
If you knew me better, I would make a comment but you don’t so I won’t.
liar
Douche.
Too generous.
Douches are useful.
Wow. I’ll have to consider that next time I go to call someone a Douche. Good point!
Personally I would rather be the douche, than the douche water….. but thats just me.
The problem is, there’s no limit. The server’s completely collapsed. So here’s the deal: I’m just trying to get the thing up, but I’m having a hell of a time. It’s like, blue screen? Forget it. I’m killing you! Heh-heh, heh-heh!
Clearly your comprehension skills are sub pare.
And clearly your spelling skills are subpar (or sub par, if you insist, but no “e” either way).
No – - – no – - – it’s meant as a caution – - – but don’t let your bigotry get in the way, of course.
Quack!
I don’t think the church believes in such a creature as an innocent non-church goer!!!
ZOMG!!! AVIS!!!!
*tacklePounceSqueezes*
Hi aviieeeeeee!!!!!!!
*Gives big Chicago hug!*
*squeezes everybody*
It’s been a busy busy summer and looks to continue to be so for a while. This weekend it’s off to Michigan to meet Roosters folks and next weekend I may be going to Des Moines. There are guests due to come here at some point and more trips later in the early fall. I get tired just thinking about it.
So, what have I missed?
(1) fluffy made me a new avatar.
(2) We drank a lot today but that’s all I remember.
(3) safety
(4) *squeeze*
I very much like the new avatar, very pretty!
This “win” alone could cause one to drink so much as to forget… well, ones own name!
*wakes up*
blaaaaarg
*goes back to sleep*
I had a bukkit standing by.
I see spillage.
*feels like vomming too*
ooo! is “vomming” the opposite of “nomming”???
*ears perk up*
Des Moines????
*longtimenoseesqueezies*
*squeeze*
Yeah, once again my mother is going there for business and this time she’s driving. She asked me to go, but I’m not sure what her plans really are. Her plans have a tendency to change. Many times. If I do indeed go, I will certainly let you know!
I remember the last time…
The best I can do is give you about 24 hours notice.
If I tried to pull that kind of stuff on her she’d pitch a fit. She’d say it’s rude to do that to a person. She really does drive me batty.
You don’t know how lucky you are. People come from all over the world just to get one look at Des Moines before they die.
Ooo, I was wondering when you’d be back!
*squeeeeeze*
I was going to call the firemenz to go find her. Oh well! She is here now.
Visits here will not be as numerous as they previously have been… at least not for a little while.
I feel ya.
*wonders if that qualifies as sexual harassment*
Only if I complain.
*looks around for Ryannon’s hands*
*perks up*
Firemenz? They’ll look for people? Ooh, let’s play hide and seek with the firemenz!
Well, then. Since you’re not using the firemen… *holds out plate*
*puts lime and empty shotglass from previous fail on plate*
*then flings blueberry and raspberry sauce on it*
*snorkroffle*
LCB, that’s crossed the border between ‘plate’ and ‘shipping freighter’, I’m afraid.
Oh, well, um, you see… it’s all part of my charity work! Yeah, that’s it. In my spare time I work to help clothe the hungry and feed the nakey.
I was wondering why all the local homeless were wearing firemen’s outfits…
Hello Jon. Long time no see. Good to see you again.
*squeeze*
It’s nice to be back. *squeeze*
*squeezes the poop right out of Jon’s semicolon*
Whoa there, Ry. Easy on the semicolon!
Wait… how did you manage that?
It’s a gift
Church goers and innocent? That’s awesome.
We must inform Dumbledore of this discovery.
Jesus, yor my BFF. LOL. BRB.
You spelled ur wrong
You spelled “you’re” or “you are” wrong.
Textspeak FAIL!
Not to mention humo(u)r fail!
*signs Lindsey up for Humour 101*
*signs Lindsey up for Interpersonal Skills Beginner Class*
*looks over Lindsey’s schedule*
She’s gonna be busy this term.
*signs everyone up for nap class 101*
*zzzz*
Nooooooooooo!!! I have work to do… Oh hell! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
But I am not nappy.
*changes Jules nappy
*wraps him in a blanket
*reads a bedtime story
*notices halfway through the story he has fallen asleep
*tiptoes out of the room
*silently prepares a pan of warm water*
*grabs the can of whipped cream*
*searches for a cherry*
Nice haha
FOURTH!
Funny!
Almost every church I passed on the way to the liquor store in AR had this as their sign.
AR?
Pirate city in the southwest United States.
*displays hook and starts hooking*
It’s a pirate state in the southeast United States. You know ARRRGHkansas.
Is there an echo in here?
Just a parrot, sweets. *hug*
Polly want’s more then just a cracker.
*_*
Polly’s such a dirty parrot
♫♪ Polly wants a cracker
I think I should get off her first
I think she wants some water
To put out the blow torch ♫♪
Not that I pass by churches a whole bunch, but I haven’t seen any clever signs on churches in all my years. I went to one for many many years before too
Please. Do it right now. The more, the merrier.
this is gold
Hey, my church had that as their sign a long time ago! Silly copy cats
*Downs another shot*
*texts jesus*
didhahsndsoffsms
*lays on the floor*
*gets MM a pillow and blankie*
All that Tequila, then church with a hangover.
Reminds me of my teenage years.
*pouts*
I want a blankie, too.
*exchanges regular blankie for super blankie big enough for 3*
*tucks in with Gracie and MM*
*snores*
*snuggles CJ n Gracie*
*snuggles*
*sighs contentedly*
ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz.
Definitely the best way to recover from a hangover.
*snuggles*
*gropes CJ in her “sleep”*
*Steals covers*
*Notices the non-coverage issue*
Hey, who brought this Fireman under here? Gracie?
*sigh*
*exchanges blanket for 4 person model*
You might want to consider even larger blankets. Or maybe three of the 4 person models.
That’s a blanket statement.
*squeezes Avis*
*pulls her under blankie*
Am I making room for more Fireman, or more Failpeeps?
Yes please.
Well, pull up a pillow and grab a Fireman.
Last time I grabbed a fireman, he wound up being all confused and had to decide between me and a dog. The dog won but he has more spots so I understand the attraction.
is there room for one more?
*waits anxiously*
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING OVER HERE? CAN I PRACTICE MY DRUMS NOW?
*puts sound-cancelling headphones on MM, Gracie and self*
Yeah, Ms B go ahead. Wouldn’t want to risk your tryouts for The Allnighters.
Noise canceling head phones only work on constant back ground noise that is repetitive. It will not work on someone bashing on a drum.
TMI:
See they record and then phase shift the sound to literally cancel out it out by playing the inverse frequency. Thus they will not work on sounds that are not repetitive or consistent.
Ms B, would you mind drunning more consistently.
Somewhere over a 5Hz frequency would be good, I think.
No? What if you choke the drummer with them?
AND MY DRUMMING SKILLS ARE FAR FROM CONSISTENT!
*gets woken up by loud, inconsistent drumming*
*tickles Ms B till she can’t drum*
Why is Ms B yelling?
Are you yelling to hear yourself over your inconsistent drumming and the snores of all the firemen? Or, are you committing drive-by text killings again and simply can’t hear over all the screa- I mean road noise?
And attempting to read these signs while driving never gets me into trouble.
Mock and ridicule keeps the brain sharp
O noes! Did he diocese?
*slowly slides to floor, dissolving into a shapeless puddle*
O NOES! Did she dissolve??
O NOES! Did she disintegrate?
*slaps self*
*takes remedial reading course*
*sees Judy’s shapeless self*
*panics*
*gets idea*
*runs out*
*runs back in dressed as Martin Luther*
*reforms Judy*
Uh, thanks, LCB, but why am I now shaped like a pickle?!?!?
Did the birds eat the tortilla?
.
BWUAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
….*sniffle*
Dammit, nightshayde!
*goes to get a tissue*
On an aside, I saw a review for Toy Story 3 which labelled it as “homophobic and misogynistic”, apparently because of the personalities of Barbie (who was portrayed as the dumb blonde type, by no means for the first time) and Ken (portrayed as a very camp fashionista type bloke)
It’s a children’s film!
Some people really do have to find things to complain about in order to be happy..
I am not a girl’s toy! I’m not!
There is the exact same message where i live. Most likely the same chruch i drive by everyday. Was thinking about taking a pic and posting it here.
If it’s the Stonebridge Church of God, don’t bother.
yeah, cause how else will he know where to meet you
IVE SEEN THIS SIGN IN PERSON LOL
I don’t think so…it’s on a church sign right down the street from my house!
Nuh uh! It’s on the church sign down the street from my house!
*butterysqueezes*
You are mistaken. Down the street from my work. I see it every day.
*nods*
It’s down the street from me and catches fire every time I pass it.
*snickers*
*marathons*
*twix*
*clarks*
*butterfingers*
…and it’s right down my house too.
*texts while riding on RDJR’s yacht*
*doesn’t want to meet Jesus*
Evah?!?!?!
Maybe for a quick cup of coffee but then I really have to go
Yeah, and he better brew it the old fashioned way.
♫♪ Cos Jesus he knows me
and he knows I’m right
I’ve been talking to Jesus all my life ♫♪
Hope it’s the meeting that lasts an eternity and not the short one…
Haha this is on a church sign down the street from where I live.This isn’t the same one though.
There can be only one!
Ooooh! Bring out the swords!
Yep, this is on a church sign down the street from me also. Highly unoriginal, apparently.
*headdesk*
Are you trying to give yourself a headache?
*put a floofy pillow on Avis’ desk*
Have you not heard about the Holy Trinity?
There are 3 Ry’s? That is NOT a holy trinity, trust me. If there is more than one Ry, it is just looking for trouble.
Somehow I can’t stop thinking about Charlie’s Angels now.
*hides clones*
This is so true
that is without a doubt, the best church sign EVER!
I would like to meet him. You know what, I’ll text
Jesus to let him know why I’m texting, and he’ll meet me
Lux: are you still gonna meet me tonight
Jesus: yep… i might be a lil’ late tho
Lux: man you are always late…. k, i’ll wait for you
Jesus: cool! see you there
I’m pretty sure people tried texting Jesus/God. I heard from a post office working that they usually get messages addressing to god, santa, jesus, and the likes and they have to keep them for 30 days before tossing them out or return non-deliverable.
I send all my junk mail to the post office, attention Jesus. I never get it back.
it´s the only thing he actually gets…
Won’t Jesus take the wheel for me?
but not masturbate then you will get hot demon chicks sucking your d*ck
You have way too much time on your hands and sex on your mind.
Yes. Yes, I do. Wait, were you talking to me?
My name is Gracie and I am a sex addict.
LIES!
Whoa!!!
I don’t think that’s time on his hands..
That’s exactly what I was thinking!
i need a nun
I need an old priest and a young priest.
call the pope and order them
i´ve tried it and it does not work
I like your name but would like to refer to you as Rigby. Do you mind?
ok, but not Eleanor, please
That’s just silly. Why would anyone call you Eleanor?
It´s the only Rigby I know…
Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice where the wedding has been
thats the only mention of her ever, and itś in a Beatles song
Is meeting Jesus a punishment then?
Quite the opposite, it’s a Special Offer. He approves of the multi-tasking skill of texting drivers; he’ll meet each one and clap them soundly on the back, offer a photo op., etc.
Probably.
Oh my God this is in my town! Our facebook page posted this up a few days ago, haha.
Get out of here! It’s in my town too!!!
Ozark Alabama?
If I say yes, what do I win?
A date with the fake Ry.
Am I the only one here who doesn´t have this in their town?
I am in South Florida. I am not even sure they have churches down here.
i was just thinking that… maybe i’m just too sinful to notice them; but i don’t think we have churches in SW Florida
I don’t know, I’ve never seen it here in Chicago, but then I haven’t seen every church in town.
lol, they worship the sun
Not the sun, the son.
Ooops, wrong Jack.
*eyes the two Jacks suspiciously*
*considers*
Hmmm… one for each arm.
We need to get Jack off of here.
I’ll be happy to get him off.
Valociraptor
Aha! Thanks
It jumped out at me too and I had to fight the urge to mock.
There are no “other” side. You text while driving…bam….that’s it! No more you and ones that you killed. Just empty space on Earth where should have been you but you f”ked it all up but updating facebook. Gives you something to think about.
It isn’t automatic that if you text while driving you will have an accident and die. You could become paralyzed or hit someone else and they die. It doesn’t always have to be about you!
This is the best message i’ve heard in awhile!
I should have submitted this first lol. My church says this on one side.
One way to stop kids from texting and driving
I was about to say “More like “safety fail”!”, but then I got the joke!
>implying that there is an afterlife
Take it easy. It’s just a joke.
I already met Jesus.
Holy crap!
i saw that same thing at a church near where i live
It makes perfect sense.
Take it easy. It’s just a joke.
omg, i saw that sign at the church near my school in oregon!!!
I’ve never seen a church sign irl… :\
thats one way to get to get to meet him.
Haha, I’m not religious, but I admit this sign made me grin.
Definitely a WIN. ^^
If you knew me better, I would make a comment but you don’t so I won’t.
You don’t get to see Jesus if you kill someone else in the process.
I don’t need to die to see Jesus, I met a lot of them in Mexico.
This came from my “Hilarious Church signs” album on Facebook – no doubt someone from my list posted it. =D
Wins being posted on Failblog now that’s a fail. Post that stuf on epicwinFTW.com guys
who’s jeesus?
)
Surely, people who text while driving end up in hell, and would never meet Jesus.
WIN
Calloh Callay. What a day to be the reaper!
This guy is my hero!
I wonder how many people drove by that sign, said “Wow, that’s funny I should tweet that!” and pulled out their phones… without bothering to stop.
This reminds me of something a church a few blocks away put on thier sign; “Our Sundays are better than Baskin Robbins’”
i saw a church where i live that said that
I just figured it out.. That is really bad.
Haha, thats in Findlay, Ohio.. Route 12 (fostoria avenue)…. I work at the factory across the street
i saw it too, today on my way home
I know where this sign is. It’s in a small Ottawa sub-urb called Barrhaven. I’ve seen it.
Honk if you love Jesus.
Text while driving if you want to meet Him.
Swerve and hit a telephone pole while trying to read this sign and end up in the hospital.
There’s a church by my house that has that exact same message, and when I saw it, I spazzed and thought of this Win. o_o
I love reading church signs. ^_^
hahahahahaha too funny. and true.
Too bad if you kill someone else in the process you’ll just go to hell instead.
WIN. EPIC WIN.
I saw that sign so its real
! There is one that says If you don’t believe in Jesus the devil is gonna get you.