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Cheezburger Company Blog
Doubt gum can stop me.
8 pieces. You could use them all at once.
it’s a win goddamnit!
Why?
It’s a win because it’s supposed to be a joke
yeah why is this here, I’ve seen this at numerous joke stores
Joke? Nope, honestly it works. Instant relief, I haven’t done it since…
Now, seriously. If it’s anti-masturbatory, does it prevent sex too? This would be a negative side effect…
You haven’t done it since… 6 hours, that’s how long. Time to sneak off to the bedroom… Or loo, or wherever you prefer it. (Wherever your computer is, that is)
It’s “hands off”, so when you put your hand in the package to get the gum, you are surprised with a mouse trap. Now, that your hand hurts you can no longer touch yourself with it. But the other one is free for use.
So what if you eat two pieces? Is a bear trap next to the mouse-trap?
“the stranger”
I disagree. If you get to the point where you need pills to stop masturbating, it is a big fail…
they’re not pills, its gum…. i dunno what you’re on, but i think it gave you dyslexia or something….
thas wen she givin hayd, y’know. not mint flava
I’d rather fap than chew cum.
…aaaaand rimshot.
True story.
Which hair?
8 pieces… 6 hours… so thats 2 days of relief in a pack. You’d have to go through 3 or maybe 4 packs a week. I’d probably start increasing the dose after a while. I might start at 3 or 4 packs a week, but soon I’d be upto a case a day.
Besides, 6 hours of relief… does that mean you have to wake up in the middle of the night to take another dose just to prevent morning wood? What if I’m stuck at work, do I have to sneak away to the restroom to bust out a piece of abstinence gum – or face the consequences in teh middle of my work shift?
it’s not a drug dammit
Who says it is “Abstinence” gum
The hair on your palms.
Depends on where you chew it
They sell this on Amazon under “toys and games”
you made me look. i hate you.
i hate him too
Me also. But it is only $1.25…
it’s $2.50 now :[
2 PACKS OF HANDZOFF ANTI-MASTURBATORY GUM
LIGHT THE CANDLES TURN ON THE SOFT MUSIC LAY BACK SLOW REAL SLOW AND THEN ……………GRAB ……..THE …………….GUM
NEW GUM CALLED CHEESE WIZZZZ HANDZZZZZZZZ
you just have to put it on your hands, are extra sticky
I swear my parents have this on display at home. No they never tried it, they were to happy to find it!
Haha, that must be one of those 30′s things.
But more likely one of those gag gift things.
That would explain the whole amazon thing ^^
FIRST!!!!
DAMMIT I FAIL!!!
Correct. And I’m not sure 8 pieces of gum will be enough to block-up your butt.
Saying “first” is already a fail, so…
FAP!!!!!
Quick! Someone fetch the gum!
handzoff! anti-masturbatory gun
*draws*
one look at this should put you off for a while!
Yes, you are FAIL on some many levels. FAIL at life most likely as well.
DAMMIT YOU’RE A RETARD!
Don’t be mean…
We call it mentally challenged.
We prefer to be called “Little People”…
Melts in your hands?
Anti-Viagra?
Do they also have chocolate flavour?
@Julya: Nope, only mayo and marshmallow creme.
In your hands, czuhc, yes, I would! <3 <3 <3
I would be very flattered if those symbols wouldn’t remind me of farts. Now I just feel flatulated.
Cheesemelts?
dont they already have that product?
http://engrishfunny.com/2008/08/13/engrish-what-you-get-when-youre-all-out-of-love/
This is THE product for priests.
Breasts ~may~ develop
Okay. I’m selling my shares in wax candles.
Not sure… they should probably use anti-molesting kids gums.
- and boys at summer camp, and astronauts, and guys in submarines…
What, why, how. Only stupid religious extremists think masturbation isn’t normal.
Then you know the target audience for this product
For the commercial vid I’d suggest the product comes down travelling a ray of light from the clouds. The a halo appears above it and a reverberating voice markets it as send from heaven
Dammit. I thought that was a golden c0ckring. Oops.
Morgan Freeman would be perfect for the voiceover!!
Epic win. XD
My bus driver didn’t think it was normal … she gave me a very funny look the last time.
Was it an odd shape?
And only someone ignorant of religious beliefs would think that an activity being normative is dispositive of its ethical character.
And only a religious nut would equate arbitrary rules set down by people claiming to be representatives of the divine with ethics based in real-life issues.
Let’s be cordial about this. Then you walked in.
And only religious nuts and/or history nerds have ethics.
If masturbation is normal, then what would f*cking be??
But this is a joke product. Therefore it’s not a fail at all.
The joke is that your parents weren’t allowed to have any.
Yeah I was just going to say it, its under toys and games at amazon, haha. Its the kinda thing you’d find at spencer’s gifts, or other joke stores.
WARNING: This products contains a mild hallucinogenic which will cause violent visions of morbidly obese women and Lorena Bobbit.
You can tell it’s Lorena Bobbit because Lorena Hobbit is still trying to ice the gum from her chest hair.
It’s a joke product. How can a joke product be a FAIL?
Yeah, I think the FAIL is for the submitter.
This is good for adolescent fappers with 5 hours boners in school.
Is that what you meant when you said the math was hard?
Only when you begin long division.
It gets really tricky when you get into sub-traction.
Actually that’s why they invented baggy pants
How did they manage to put 8 fat girls in such a small box?
Why am I not surprised that you’re thinking of small boxes? You should re-format that hard drive before your IP is traced.
Probably contains saltpeter.
*chews gum* Tastes like chicken.
in fact it’s cum flavour
I first read the small print as “Peppermint – antifacial flavor”.
Anti-Facial?
it’s stick in my pubes
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*squeeze*
When my youngest son was still a toddler, he succeeded in glueing his sac and little sausage to his thighs with chewing gum. It took us ages to remove it.
Poor thing!
Poor little guy
Where did he learn that?
shame! at least he wasn’t a bit older and hairier I suppose. I got gum stuck up my nose so far that they had to take me to the doctors
*doesn’t say when or what brand of gum*
So… cornflakes DON’T work then? Dr Kellogg was WRONG?
I haven’t had to masturbate once since i got these gums
They’re that good?
Gimme a stick?
Are… are you sure you want to ask him for a stick? 0.0
Well, at least someone got that one!
well let me just say, it was amazing!
the stick or granny?
WIN
Im starting to wonder what flavor it is.
*Chews*
O.O….. Nvm You dont want to know
if this is meant for catholics then maybe they should make anti pedophile gum instead
lol
that would be an absolute win
Actually, it looks just like the kind of product those holy-rolling American born-again crazies would come up with…
It’s fast acting, someone should teach that to soap-actors
chewing cum ?
so, you put the gum in your hand and it sticks to your wanker making it impossible to masturbate?
I’m glad I’m not the only one wondering where you use the gum…
this was my first thought
FAPorette ?
Chicklessts?
A little funny, that on another page, a poster says the opposite:
http://tjuvtittat.se/utrikes/dagens-dubbel-sakra-sommartips/
It says, “Instant relief lasting up to 6 hours”
I cannot recall ever having had one that long!
They say it affects your memory.
Who are you?
I’m surprised you dont’t remember me after all…ehm… I did for you.
*looks at Chuhc*
*looks longer*
Are you the captain of the ferry I took 3 years ago?
It’s not THAT furry.
*peers at Czuhc’s pelvis area*
*a look of recognition apparent in her eyes*
Czuhc!!
*stands at attention*
At ease.
…No, I meant…never mind.
*pounces Czuhc, rolling head over heels with him across the floor and landing on top of him*
Oooh, you had gum!
After a quick Google search it appears to be a whole line of joke products, so it qualifies as a win
Haha, that must be one of those 30′s things.
Why would you want to stop?
Oh that’s for pervert haha
AHAHAH, it’s a fantastic fail
“Resisting the Urge… a guide for Christian Boys”:
save it for pastor
please tell me this is a parody
Next episode
“Resisting the Urge: a Guide for Catholic Preist”
Edward Current FTW! I love his videos.
Fap Fap Fap…. What?
Nice try……
I tried that, it doesn’t work. Need a better gum.
Joke product – WIN!
Submitter – FAIL!
This is sold as a novelty product. It’s a joke to begin with. Flip it over and it says “Novelty item”. They sell it at Spencer Gifts. How is it a fail?
deffinitely need one of these !
It would definitely improve your typing.
win.
Umm…this is not a real product, Failblog. I see these in Spencer’s Gifts all the time.
This is a win. You give them as joke presents. My friends thought they would be funny and get me some; they don’t work.
ahem, you spelled your name wrong.
ahem, no he didn’t.
It’s a joke product. Failblog fails again. How about maybe checking your entries?
Joke or not, it’s still funny & that’s what matters here.
I knew the threat of Hell just wasn’t cutting it any more. I knew they would come up with something you can put in your mouth.
Wait. Isn’t that counter productive?….
No fap February will be easier than ever!
it’s June… u fail
WIN, much?!
OMG damn Amish ppl!
haha, i just saw this yesterday on a website by George W. Bush.
http://whitehouse.georgewbush.org/initiatives/purity/questions.asp
god people r funny… dumb, but funny
This isn’t a fail, and was obviously intended to be anti fap cream. Intentional fails are not fails. Failblog fails…
This isn’t a fail, it’s a WTF, and should be on Picture is Unrelated, not Failblog.
Please contact a doctor if the effects of this gum lasts for more than 6 hours.
why relief? always look forward to it …
It doesn’t work…
Obviously a joke gift, in which case WIN!!
But hey, maybe it does work. Chew nine pieces into one mass, spit it out into your hands, press them together and voila! You’ll have sticky hands without having to work (for) it! XD
rotflmoa
I guess some people need help in mastering their domains.
Relief from what?
Oddly enough, this is an improvement over the old system. They used to just have the patch.
I keep thinking of that creepy, 94-year-old dude from a couple of weeks ago who got busted with the vacuum hose.
I’d actually buy that!…
For my brother, that is! For my brother, not for me!
gum gives the sensation you’re ejaculating
customers that bought this product also bought face paint! XD i dont want them painting my face!
I wank before sleeping, this product isn’t for me
Not after you brushed your teeth.
DAMMIT I FAIL!!!
This is an irony fail, on the part of the person who posted it. It’s a joke: http://www.blueq.com/shop/114-catId.117440525_114-productId.0.html
Kinda the opposite of this?
This is a fail because the practice of masturbation already ended after the invention of Graham crackers and corn flakes.
My mum got those in her stocking!
ok all they need to invent now is anti-retard gum
Now it makes sense:
http://failblog.org/2010/06/28/epic-fail-videos-family-feud-answer-fail/
not a fail or win. its joke gum. the same company makes jesus chapstick.
whywouldyoudothat.png
LOL This looks like something they’d sell @ Archie McPhee’s!
Not exactly something I would think would need to be “fast acting” O.o
jeesus..
Hot damn! I’ll take 400!
I would like to know how gum can keep one from masturbating.
It says on the package! Instant relief
I’ve come here to j### off and chew bubblegum, and I’m all out of bubblegum.
I might need one of these
Whoa. The the PTB just messed with my head.
I got better.
Well, my ummm….”friend” *cough*cough* could certainly use some of that gum. Where can I buy…I mean where can my “friend” buy it?
You can buy it on the Amazon site Anon up there ^^^ told us about. Good luck with it elr
Ya im going to file this under a win
Its a hallucinogenic that makes you think you’re being blown.
If that worked, haha.. funny
It was an intended joke which makes it about 80% less funny.
Can’t they make these for real with saltpetre?
BWAHAHAHA!!!! i doubt that would work on me
Damn I am going to need more than 8 pieces
Who wants to stop fapping?
I actually saw this in a little shop in Wisconsin. Could not stop laughing.
OR you could use hot sauce instead of lotion or whatever the hell it is they use
boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner 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boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner boner
its just gotta work…