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Woot! Free sex!
Wait, what? You mean you’re *still* paying for it?
Nope. Not in this economy. Tragic, really…
Trapped sex can be fun, too.
With hard cash?
As long as it’s not cold.
Now that you mention it, she is a Lolcatburglar. Maybe the 1 night stand is hot.
How dare you! LCB is only interested in the shiny!!!
Is the stand polished to a shiny?
I didn’t consider that.
Who’s been polishing the stand in public? You should get a room for that!
Standing room only?
Upright citizens only.
*Stands next to Dragon*
Stuck up elitists?
BLUE2TH!!!!
*squeezity-squeezy-squeeze!*
It’s so uplifting to see you back here again!
*squeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzies*
What’s up?
Hey, down in front! Sheesh! Back a couple of days and you’ve already upended the line.
*Squeezes B2F*
Well, it’s summer, so troll activity is on the rise…
*squeeze BLUE2TH*
Where have ya been?
…and in recognizable cartoon clarity!
*squeezes B2F*
Seeing you again makes my spirits climb.
Squirrel!
(Chocolate chunk cookie goes to the first person who “gets” that)
Up
Russ, go get the hammer.
*awards CC cookie*
Interception!
fankooooo.
Bizzarely that is what my initials are at work, so when I CC mail it just looks odd.
I ♥ that movie.
Sooooo, it wasn’t Christmas Vacation?
There is always the layaway plan.
I thought layaway happened after marriage.
No, that’s the no interest plan.
Ha! My interest compounds nightly.
Is that different from when a husband says he can pound you every night?
I think that’s the rollover plan.
*Spit takes*
Always remember your balloon payments.
Wait, you pay balloons? Hmm…
Watch out for rising inflation.
*squeeze*
Pay balloons for what? Being pretty?
What better way to blow your money?
♪I feel pretty, oh, so pretty… ♪
Why would your husband pound Marius?
Cuz that’s how Marius
s! 
Did I just double my chances for a date?
If that’s more than 1/2 then I say YES!
I’ll take the twentieth please.
woot-woot?!
indeed
Wait – who is supplying this one night stand? Maybe I’ll donate it to charity…
Good luck with that one, ns. Most men these days are too proud to take charity.
Well, I haven’t met Charity, but I’m sure she must have some good qualities.
I hear she has huge… tracts of land!
But I want to girl I marry to have a ♪certain… ♪special…♪♪♪♪
*rushes in*
Stop that! Stop it!
Let’s not bicker and argue over who laid who.
Yes. There are enough lays to go around. And there is dip too.
Sorry, I just have to say when I read that this web comic pops in my head.
*clicky*
Yes, I tend to spend lots of time reading web comics.
NO CLICKIES!!! Clickies are
!!!
*flees*
Psssst
*squeeze*
Never.
….Well, okay, sometimes, but only when you’ve spent too much time with Granny. :p
That could make someone Katatonic.
*Shuddersqueeze*
or katacly…sic?
Granny does specialize in kataclysmic katastrophes.
Best first post I’ve ever read.
Dream on, ’cause ass, grass and gas are NEVER for free.
It’s a typo. The banner should read: “One Knight Stand.”
*assembles hatstand Knight stand*
Yes, but where is the horse?
*squeeeeeeeeeze*
Poor horse.
*snerk*
♪Come on baby light my squire…♪
Scott! Hey, babe, can you beam the Cuddle Puddle in here? I tried, but got the buttons confused and only managed to get a car stuck in a parking garage door.
No problem lassie!
*steps up to console*
*beams in Cuddle Puddle*
*rear third of a car also beams in with the puddle*
errr… calibration’s a little off. But the Puddle’s all here!
*dives in, schnuggles*
Happy Friday!
Wooooo Friday!
*schnuggles*
*pops in*
*squeeze*
*pops out*
Slow down a bit or you will quickly become a pooped pooch.
*driveBySqueezeJules*
Ooof!
Can someone help me? I’m having a little trouble with this trunk.
*tries to help remove elephant from cuddle puddle*
Happy friday, mah peeps!!
*dives into the schnuggly cuddle puddle*
*lands on an old chest*
Wait, wut??
Who you callin’ old?
Wheeee!
*jumps in*
Ooops, sorry, I didn’t see where your armoire!
Careful…! It took a long time to build that street credenza.
*ignores the elephant in the room*
*dives into cuddle puddle*
*sighs contentedly*
I wouldn’t ignore it when Mouse gets here.
*squeeze*
Hee! I’ll just avoid it then.
*squeeze*
*joins in squeezies*
*reaches up thread, tries to grab b2th*
Where’d he go?!?!?
HEY!!!!
Whoops! Sorry, Leila!
*squeezes anyway*
*gets here*
*watches elephant do the dance of the grapes*
What’s her problem?
Her?
Can someone tell me who the elephant is?
Eeeeek! Mouse wine! Mmmm, my mistake. The mouse wine here is rather nice.
*gulps*
I don’t think that’s a trunk.
I’m not sure what it is, but I saw something that looked like it drawn on a drawbridge once.
Looks like someone was tickling the ivories.
*tickes the admiral’s keys*
Happy Friday!
Oooo, and I’m wearing my tight jeans today! Happy Friday indeed, Judy dear!
*Fixes stoopid hospital gown*
I need a wrangler to keep tract of these ties.
I think you look chic, Marius!
Hee!
If you don’t mind me sating, jordashe looks pretty hot.
Broken!
*squeeeeeze*
NO!!
*glad to see you here sis*
So, we’re talking about prostitution again?
*facepalm*
Psychic abilities on stun
*falls over*
When did we stop?
When it was Hammer Time.
Can’t touch this!!
Free, for 50 bucks?
*backs up truck*
Did somebody order 50 deer?
Eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! Me! Me! Me!!!!!
VENISON! Yum!!!
*smacks Dragon on the hand*
NO! Bad girl!!!!! No! These are pets … not noms.
You…..smacked the Dragon?!?!?
I am a mom. I supposed to …
… no?
*bites nails*
*finishes lighting the grill with a gentle *FOOM!**
What’s that? Oh, I thought that was the brush of wings from a passing gnat.
*throws some venison steaks on the grill*
Who wants medium rare??
THUD!!!!!
Bambi burger, please!
Ack, tis a deer eating moose!
Our moose is very deer to us, it’s true!
*covers Leilas ears*
Thank you but Dragon already butchered my deer.
*pouts and stares @ Dragon with gnatty fierceness*
Heeeee!!!!
*puts a drop of golden sun in Leila’s drinkie*
That should lighten your mood a bit, Leila dear!
Save some for me, please.
Pfah! As if I’d forget you.
So. . .
*Holds out glass*
La-tte please.
D’OH!
I’m out. Sowwy.
*goes to closet*
*grabs blaze orange vest*
*whistles*
*walks to gun safe*
Sh!t! I wonder where I hid that dern combination to this lock?
You get your buns back here right this minute missy!!!!
*ankle grabs Judy and drags her back to the naughty corner*
*leaves a plate of cookies*
The invoice says this is only half the order, there’s supposed to be 50 female pigs with these deer.
100 sows and bucks….
*taps mic*
Who do you think you are, the grand master of ceremonies?
Umm, maybe.
Let me go check, mate.
I think he just went on a 1k run.
Oh, was that him that just went by in the deep blue track suit?
*wanders away, singing ♫ “I would walk 500 miles, and I would walk 500 more…”♫ *
♫♪I’m walking too far ahead
you’re calling to me, I can’t hear
what you’ve said–
Then you say–go slow–
I fall behind– ♫♪
*gives up*
I’ll just sit with thou in the sand, Admiral.
‘K, that sounds a hundred times better than anything on my top ten list of things to do today.
*tries to hide bib with a picture of a deer and a pig on it*
Whut?
*solicits MsB*
Hey, how much for that doggy in the window? The one with the waggly tail.
$250.
Wait. Are you selling Scotty and Jules?
Failpeeps are merchandise?
Well, at least they aren’t being nommed
Um…yes. That’s exactly what it is. Please stand right here and do not move.
Ooooh!!! I bid Twelve Thousand Internets for that hottie right over there!
*points at hot doggie*
You got it my Goddess!
*serves Judy a veggie hot dog in a wheat bun*
Please choose from the below condiments:
Mustard
Mayo
Pickles (the kind that has been chopped up)
Onions
Ketchup
Hrmph!
Oh, well. If you can’t join them, eat them.
Mustard, please.
What, no barbeque sauce?
*pouts*
My first choice would have been chili and cheez whiz, but it wasn’t on the menu.
I don’t even know what that is. I will look into it and add it to the menu in the near future. K?
You have real pups? Please say you have an girl apricot poodle. Cuz, I will drive my ass over there just to get her.
No, we’ve got some female C0cker Spaniels. Soooooo cute!
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!!!!!!
*flees thread to resist urge*
*goes to buy bed with free 1 night stand*
*makes note to send pics to Leila when home*
Wha? It’ll be a good excuse to meet you!
Technically, no. If it’s free, it really can’t be called prostitution.
So if it’s free, do I have to stick around in the morning? Cuz, I have a meeting.
I don’t think you have to stick around in the morning — but cuddling for a few minutes afterward might be expected…
The only cuddling I do is in the Cuddle Puddle. This is going to be awkward.
Well, that’s free, too.
*squeeeeeze*
Sure is!!!
…and so is the booze and draGrog and pills and stuff.
*squeeze*
Wow! What a deal!
Are you kidding me, this is an epic WIN!
depends on the person you get^^
Not a WIN if the person you get is in depends.
I’d prefer if i didn’t have to buy anything just to get laid.
But that’s just me.
i think it they manager which wants to bang you
¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ * Huh? * ¤ø,¸¸,ø¤
No need for the anti-seizure meds this time, Marius. The gibberish translator is on the fritz again.
COULD SOMEONE LIFT THE GIBBERISH TRANSLATOR OFF OF POOR FRITZ, PLEASE?? Theng-kew!
*Moves translator onto mat*
I can raise a stink. I can raise a toast.
But I can’t raise a Gibberish Translator.
Hmpf. Why those good thing don’t happen’ in my country?!
Remember to use protection kids. Think
safetypleasure first.*furnishes with protective covers*
Aluminum foil?
Swing away.
*signs Marius up at the local swingers club*
You’re welcome.
Is this divine?
Why, yes, yes I am. Thanks for noticing!
*bats eyelashes demurely*
Hey, wait a minute…Where is this? I could use a new night stand…. mine’s 20 years old…
Guess she/he stuck around for awhile, eh?
*skipsawaywithaquickness*
One of my friends in college dated a girl for three months because he fealt guilty after a one night stand.
*catchesupandsqueezeswithaquickness*
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! Starfishy!!!!!!
*gets in the squeeze fest of it all and squeezies*
Leila!!!!
*squeezesthebajeezusoutofLeila*
I’d wondered where that bejeezus had gone off to.
*LeilaandStarfishsqueezes*
*puts out “lost” poster for bejeezus*
*slowsdownwithaquicknessandsqueezes*
ROFL!!!!
Hmm… What’s the return policy on this bed?
Pun intended? Maybe it comes free with the sales staff LOL
I could use this promotion. My night stand is a folding table.
So do you buy the bed for free with a one night stand or do you get the one night stand free?
buy |bī|
verb ( buys , buying ; past and past part. bought |bôt|) [ trans. ]
1 obtain in exchange for payment : we had to find some money to buy a house | he had been able to buy up hundreds of acres | [with two objs. ] he bought me a new dress | [ intrans. ] had no interest in buying into an entertainment company.
• ( buy someone out) pay someone to give up an ownership, interest, or share.
• procure the loyalty and support of (someone) by bribery : here was a man who could not be bought | I’ll buy off the investigators.
• [often with negative ] be a means of obtaining (something) through exchange or payment : money can’t buy happiness.
• (often be bought) get by sacrifice or great effort : greatness is dearly bought.
• [ intrans. ] make a profession of purchasing goods for a store or firm.
2 informal accept the truth of : I am not prepared to buy the claim that the ends justify the means | [ intrans. ] I hate to buy into stereotypes.
3 ( bought it) informal used to say that someone has died : his friends had bought it in the jungle.
noun informal
a purchase : the wine is a good buy at $3.49.
• an act of purchasing something : out on a produce buy for the restaurant.
Online dictionary copy and paste reply?
I HAVE THE ATTENTION SPAN OF A CHIPMUNK!!!
TOO
MANY
FRIGGIN’
WORDS!!!
Did someone say chicken?
Sign, sign, pass.
Sign, sign pass.
I am bummed that we cannot engage the
.
*sigh
*squeeze*
We all know there is only one original you.
*squeeze*
*squeezes*
Want me to try to get rid of it for you, sweets?
*nods*
*tries not to spill vegetable moussaka on blog*
Okey-doke…prepare for possible blog-borkage!
*closes eyes and braces self*
*assumes the position*
*covers self*
Whatever position you choose, make sure you’re not bent over. Just sayin’.
*gets out E.T. finger*
Oh, sorry, I thought you meant the other position.
Why else would I cover!
*staggers around the bridge while the camera shakes*
The point I was trying to make is that covering your bum doesn’t help anymore. I speaketh from experienth.
Bum
*flees*
Talk about borking, most of my comments from today appear to have been removed, and I managed to stop the F word from being up 3 times out of 3. doh!
*clings to peeps*
*Hangs on to his hat*
Might as well get Dennis the spammer up at the top, too.
*snork*
I’d sent in an email about him about half an hour earlier.
I like to keep our blog neat and tidy.
You know, I was noticing how neat and tidy the blog was. When I left there was trash just laying around everywhere…
I thought she loved me,
when she said, “No charge.”
smiled sweetly,
climbed into bed.
I thought she was perfect,
(her breasts were quite large),
and we commenced things
best left unsaid.
I thought it was forever,
Until the next morn,
I awoke,
and found that she’d ran.
Now all that I’ve got,
is this bed, so I mourn,
the loss of my
free (1) night stand.
*applause*
*Snaps fingers*
It was nothing, really.
*hugs* I hope this was not your life story.
Shadow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*pouncetacklesqueeze*
*golf craps*
*stands for ovation*
School’s out for you, then?
Yup!
♫ We talkin’ about freedom
Talkin’ bout freedom
I will fight, for the right
To live in freedom ♪
Ha! That’s the song I sang when my divorce became final.
Heeeeeeeee!!!!!
Mine was a sad divorce. I liked the dude.
My ex is trying to appeal the divorce. Who in their right mind appeals a divorce? Especially since it’s been final for three months!
I didn’t know you could do that.
He’s whining about the child support, mainly. I don’t think he’ll get anywhere.
Oh, fer…
Now I feel like *FOOOOOOM!!*-ing someone!
It made me laugh. He’s exactly where he deserves to be, and he has no power over anything. I’m just glad to be legally free of him. I wasn’t going to go after him for child support, but now I am. I have the papers at home.
*does Cabbage Patch*
Go, Gracie! Go, Gracie!
♫ Some people call it a one night stand,
But we can call it paradise.
Don’t say a prayer for me now,
Save it ’til the morning after. ♫
Did you have to think about that for a long time before posting? Or was it a Reflex reaction?
Is there something I should know about you?
Only that I am Notorious for having My Own Way
I won’t think you’re taking a Liberty if you take a Decade to answer.
It just slipped Out of My Mind.
Bed and breakfast?
*puts bro to bed*
*feeds him breakfast*
Nom nom nom.
*Squeeze*
What’s the difference between a prostitute and marrieage. With a prostitute, you always know the cost up-front.
Poor, poor Dee.
Poor, poor, pitiful Dee.
Poor, poor, pathetic Dee.
If you rearrange the letters in “one night stand” you get “Standing He Not”
Then stop playing with it!
I can’t help myself, it’s in my jeans.
*slowly leaves thread*
Is there an option to just get the free 1 night stand and not buy the bed?
*scratches head*
But, you need the bed. At least for a starting point.
Closet….. Is a starting point.
If you don’t buy the bed the 1 night stand is half off.
Top half or bottom half?
….the drawers.
So what do I do the next night?
IMO, burn the bed.
What is the point of drinking decaf coffee?
You feel like you’re doing something good for the environment?
*looks deep within*
Meh…it doesn’t feel like that. I drink it for warmth in this goshdarn awful office aka meat locker but in the mornings I gotta have the real stuff.
Because some of us really, really like coffee, but caffeine makes our hearts go into arrhythmia and palpitations, and as much as we love coffee it’s not worth a trip to the emergency room?
Good point! I do like my heart to remain snuggled in my chest.
Yah, me too also. It’s not fun when it’s leaping about like a jumping bean. My heart’s taken something of a beating over the years–I like to coddle it a little.
*cuddles Dragon*
Oh, you said coddle, not cuddle.
Cuddles are always welcome, too!!
*cuddles Gracie back*
*gives Dragon a little tiny mousey hug*
If you want to make sure your heart is taken care of, paradoxically, you have to give it completely away and trust someone else to do it.
*huggles the wee mousie*
Same thing!
*coddles/cuddles too*
Upright citizens only.
Hmmm….there seems to be an echo in here.
Hmmm….there seems to be an echo in here.
Wait.
*waits*
Hey! Back of the line!
*reflects on Dragon’s comments from earlier*
and only this week,for 2 pillows you got a free
======>Bj!!!<========
Awesome, I love the Biochemical Journal.
So that means I won’t see Bon Jovi now?
Brainless juram!
Win?
yeah , THAT’S A WWWWWWIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN
This is hilarity! I’ll take the bed lol!
It’s a WIN!
Male’s are obviously their target audience.
Sales pitch WIN!
And with that sign, they sold 20,000 beds and have the worst BBB reputation in the world.
That was completely intentional so not really a fail.
I think that it brilliant.
You mean advertisement fail ;]
Malaysia’s adverts are always a fail.
Malaysia? At the bottom it says “We Accept Visa/Mastercard/AEON” in English and Chinese. It could also be Hong Kong or Taiwan.
it is a malaysia ad… see the eon bank logo?
Hmmm….there seems to be an echo in here.
i wonder if they’ll need the halo hangin’ off the corner of the four-post bed?
8)
Fail??????? WIN Theyd sell me one if it was in my neighborhood — darn a right ……………. just wonder if mattress comes with a 10 return warranty – in case I don’t like it ? heck a full test ride … works for me.
aha..!
xD
fake, u can tell by the fact it doest make sence, the green box put over thr background, the text not bending with the page.
That is a pure WIN..! XD
ok you win, [so sad]
Ever Notice How The Word bed Looks Like A bed !!!
Coll service where is this?
this is such a win!!!!
Win.