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FIRST!!!!!!
THIRD!!!!
This pic is more than a double fail
1) He was accused of child abuse
2) He was caught masturbating with a vacuum
3) He’s winking at the camera
4) The author doesn’t know how to spell “throes”.
Yeah, I was in pain upon seeing the word ‘throws’
What, that’s not normal? Hahaha.
I wish failblog was around when the guy in the great state of Washington died from being eff’d by a horse. Now that’s a fail.
americans are weird!
Wait, so just how old was the vacuum cleaner?
comment win
It was clearly still under warranty
Although he may have voided it. You’re not supposed to put liquids in a vacuum…UNLESS IT’S A DYSON! >_<
*wink* *wink*
thats what she said
haha liquids
Leads me to believe it’s just a picture of a creepy old dude.
one more fail: Tagged as: popular culture
what do you mean fail? all my friends and i masturbate with vaccum cleaners
but he’s not a guy!
Of course… what’s with his blink? He’s not gay. He’s WORSE!
cleaning assistance objectophile warning. lube it up with some spray on cooking oil we’re there
Ummm… It IS THROWS!!!!!! Yeah– not throes!!
If this is the future of America, pass me the pistol.
If you are foreign, then I understand the mistake.
Foreign or not, one should not be posting comments trying to correct another poster’s use of the English language if your grasp on the tongue is tenuous at best.
Lewl… grasp on the tongue…
throes
1.a violent spasm or pang; paroxysm.
2.a sharp attack of emotion
Look it up…
He’s probably suffering from Bell’s Palsy or has had a stroke. The “wink” is not likely to be voluntary.
Yeah, and he probably also had ball’s palsy, making his insertion of his weeny into the vacuum involuntary too. Oh, and maybe perv palsy too, resulting in the involuntary molestations.
More like they’re accusing him of child abuse for doing it with a vacuum.
they also said ‘ man >busted< masturbating…'
you sir are a win
Maybe he was in the throes of a throw blankie? Or somebody has a terrible listhp.
Apparently he doesn’t know how to spell “Brian” either… because I doubt his first name is Brain
You do realize that “Brain Bleach Alert” isn’t his name, right??
are you sure you didn’t mean “TURD!!!!”?
heres looking at your kid
Boy, that vacuum cleaner must have sucked him hard.
It was a child vacuum.
His name was Henry.
It does that for a living…
I loughed hard
must be a Yale man
hate that people saying “first”
I would have thought being beaten by an old dead woman would bother you more. How’s Trash?
People who cry first are vacuous. Almost as bad as second responders who cry third.
BTW, I have several old vacuums which he, or any of you who are interested, could use without child abuse charges.
They would have to be OLD vacuums, to avoid the underage charges
They said old…..
Oral sex with vacuum cleaner
Clearly the vacuum cleaner was under the age of 18 at the time of the tryst. And that’s probably ‘throes of passion’ unless it was like, turned on or something
Should have quit with the underage vacuum cleaner. The rest of the comment sucked.
hahaha love it!
Poor Henry
The “Throes of passion” thing was the first thing I thought of when I read this…
Don’t use the blower feature on the vacuum, it won’t end well….
I’m confused. Was the vacuum cleaner not of legal consenting age?
the police suspect it was not. though it can be hard to tell with vacuums, they all look alike.
Dude, that’s racist!
No, it’s profiling.
Actually… if dp said, “All Kenmore vacuums look alike,” that would be racist. If dp said, “Most vacuums are likely to participate in sexual relations with dirty old men,” that would be profiling. We all can agree that dysons do not look like Hoovers. So, dp is either just plain ignorant… or more likely has not vacuumed in a while so is ignorant and dirty.
That’s correct my swastika-assigned comrad.
I lol’d.
dammit… nazi randomizers giving out icons…
JJ – yours is even looking a bit swastika-like too… escape is futile!
You have to love the age of the internet, where even “journalists” can’t spell or use proper grammar. “Throws” of passion? COME ON
maybe he was literally throwing passion.
Are you sure? This could get ugly…
:: hands over luminol and fires up the black light :: :: closes eyes ::
Bozz – damn straight. LOLcats should start a journalism errors site, only problem is it would have way too much content to keep up with.
You fail, they have one
http://probablybadnews.com/
And speaking of too much content, how many LOLcats site do you visit regularly?
20, why do you ask?
only 20?
There’s a lot more that I just don’t find interesting, so yeah, only 20
is it sad that that was my first thought, too?
Come on, give the old guy a break! He’s 94 years old!
Having sex with the vaccum cleaner’s probably the only action he’ll ever get till the end of his days…
unless the vaccum cleaner breaks from his “throws of passion”…
Dear god. Can you imagine being the one that walked in on that hellscape?
Yeah… poor SOB – gonna be celibate for LIFE after that!
… well, presuming they survive not being able to keep down any food until their brain scars over!
His swiffer caught him two-timing.
It should have seen this coming when he left his old mop so easily.
His feather duster was his first love.
Avast maties! Bring me all yer vacuum cleaners ‘fore I run ye through!
♫
So with a yo ho ho
And with a yee hee hee
We take to the African sea
We’ll give you scurvy
And rape your Kirby
Somalian pirates we!
♫
Your comment made me lol, loud, and hard. Rape your Kirby. That made my day! XD
Was vacuum cleaner satisfied?
It was like flipping a switch, she just fell right asleep. Sounds satisfied to me.
He should make a home video!!!!!!
L Ron Hoover and the First Church of Appliantology!
janne ^_^ win!!!
Must have been a Telefunken U 47
There’s an Appliantology website called fixitnow.com. Actually it’s really good if you want to know how to fix your own appliances. I don’t think they tell you how to get man goo out of vacuums, though.
Is that how he lost his eye?
Thats how he lost his virginity
No, it’s how he lost that third leg.
Do you suppose he prefers upright or canister?
I hear there’s nothing like a good beater bar.
The upholstery attachment drives him wild.
Masturbating with a vac makes your ears grow large, that’s for sure!
Sexually active at an age of 94!! Guys this is clearly a Win!
Yes, but just imagine how many viagras……
See your vacuum repairman if it doesn’t last 4 hours?
Guess so my commenter.
Hopefully he used the bacon lube….
Isn’t sausage lube more appropriate?
Sooo, mating with a vacuum cleaner is evidence of child abuse? I guess mating with a blow-up doll would be evidence of first-degree murder then.
I was wondering when someone would comment on that…
All I have to say is WAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
why has it been tagged as popular culture? hahah
Hehe, thanks, didn’t see that!
So the ol fart got his jollies from a vacuum cleaner..big deal. This was a popular technique with housewives in the 50′s.
@ Nil – You’re wrong. There is such a thing as an invisible disability. It might be someone who is mobile, but cannot walk or stand for long periods of time. Hell, I know several people who are legally blind that carry on just fine without a cane or an assistance animal.
Not every disability or pain is visible to the naked eye. Dolt.
Whether this particular person has a physical ailment or is merely lazy is anyone’s guess. (although there appears to be a nurse standing behind her.)
Speaking of dolts … *cough*
Ummm. Are you commenting on the guy jizzing into the vacuum cleaner or is there alien writing between the lines that I can’t read because I am not from Pluto and had nothing to do with building the pyramids? Just askin’ is all.
so… is his name Brian, or Brain?
Yes, his name is Brian Bleach Alert.
“Up next, it’s Peter Griffin and his dog Brain!”
Gee Brain, what do you want to do tonight?
The same thing we do every night Pinky. TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!
He can still get it UP at 94? We should be impressed, not grossed out. Or maybe a bit of both.
Maybe the vacuum is what is required to get it up. I recall there are some pump-based devices to get an erection. I’m sure they’re safer and quieter than a vacuum too.
This is disturbing though, it should be easy to hide hanky panky with an appliance.
Earth men who experience sexual ecstasy with mechanical assistance always tend to feel guilty!
Even Earth men who experience sexual ecstasy without mechanical assistance sometimes tend to feel guilty.
Unfortunately, many Earth women who experience sexual ecstasy with or without mechanical assistance tend to feel guilty — or if they don’t feel guilty, are told by others that they should feel guilty.
Stupid sexual morés.
I can’t stand eels either!
Hey, when it comes to sex, I ALWAYS want moré!!
*Walks in with chocolate on graham crackers*
Who wants s’morés?
Ahhhh, that’s amoré!
I’ll have s’mores! You’d better make some more, éh?
Someone else can do it. I’m watching a movie with Rebecca de Morné in it.
It’s throes of passion, not throws.
Maybe the vacuum cleaner was a minor?
ok seriously though, here’s more of the story http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/1067603/man-94-busted-masturbating-with-vacuum
Thank you for the link, Skye.
This seems like poor writing to me. The story makes it sound as if the vacuum cleaner incident has something to do with the child molestation incident(s), but doesn’t give further information.
So was his mouth on the vacuum cleaner’s hose, or … Oh no. Please no.
Dude, that sucks.
…And blows.
Dude, you’re right. Bart Simpson was wrong.
OH GRANDPA NOT AGAIN.
In a rare instance of a comment actually being useful, here is mroe info on the story: http://news.msn.co.nz/article/1067636/man-94-busted-masturbating-with-vacuum
Seems the dude just happened to be getting his jollies with the vacuum at the same time the Feds decided to party-van him.
Quit winking at that Dyson.
You Dirt(y) Devil, you
This guy is Oreck–he needs to pull himself together.
Ah, Hoover you to judge?
Eureka, He found that he loved Kenmore.
So, he was arrested for indecent exposure. I’m shocked as to how stupid he had to be to get caught in the first place, let alone to even try something like that with a vacuum cleaner in the first place.
A guy I knew at school (boarding school….explains alot) got caught doing this, from that moment on he was known as Henry.
*snerk*
Henry? Is that a brand of vacuum I’m not familiar with?
I think it means Henry –> Hoover –> vacuum cleaner brand.
with a face on ^ clicky
I’ve heard of vacuums getting clogged with dust bunnies, but how do you explain this to the repairman???
Dude, someone broke into my house and sexually molested my vacuum cleaner!
the vacuun cleaner was less than 18 years old or why was he arrested for child abuse?
NO COMMENT……
So I’m seeing things, here?
*applauds*
What!? No video! LOL… 94 yrs old and still got it!
The vacuum will send him an electric bill in the mail.
I see, it’s a device of ill repute?
Quite possibly made by Sirius Cybernetics.
The “Sirius Sucker”
HIS EARS ARE “CAPS LOCK” BIG!
The ears are the only part of your body that never stop growing, old people will usually have large ears.
your nose also never stops growing
and he’s 94, if he reaches 312, he may use them as parachute
thank god somebody noticed how huge his ears were..i am not alone!
although i still can’t make the link from a vacuumcleaner to a child..child abuse..!
OMG I puke in my mouth !! He looks like a raisin :S
Let’s hope you never end up in a retirement home then
Am I the only one with a mental picture of a sharpei’s face being sucked by the vacuum?
He’s a looker, that’s for sure.
Well I guess the vacuum cleaner was…(takes off glasses).. turned on. OOOOHHHHHH YEAAAHHH!
There is no “OOOOHHHH”. Fail.
Then I guess his comment about the vacuum..
*puts on sunglasses*
really sucked.
YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
Watching a sucky show fail.
Is he missing an eye, or just winking?
Vaccume cleaners are CHILDREN!!!
I mean it’s not the greatest ting to do, but what is to bust about this?
Where’s this so-called “American freedom” now, hm? (Protip: It never existed. Because just as everything else in America, it’s fake and actually built out of cheap plastics.)
No, that does not mean that I hate America. It means that I hate the perversion it was transformed into, or rather the people that did it.
If you read the article, or even the comments above, you’d know that he was arrested for child abuse. He just happened to be masturbating with a vacuum cleaner when he was caught. In another person’s garage, by the way.
UGH! DOOFY HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE TOLD YOU TO STOP USING THE VACCUM CLEANER!!!!!
I’m thinking this is Doofy’s granddad!
first succes nasty sob pops :@ !! ..he got vacuminazed..I have used only ruperts, have heard of hoovers being the best in for maximun pleasure
I got a nice visual from “throws of passion”-it seems accurate to me.
hmmmm Cold and lifeless sounds alot an ex-wife
He’s winking at me, aw shucks.
I am assuming this was a wetvac?
If not when he started…
It seems like they could have at least waited until he was finished before taking his mug shot.
wow…that has got to hurt… =)
this is a fail beyond reckoning for these reasons:
-accused of child abuse
-winking at camera
-caught masturbating with a freaking vacuum cleaner
-he’s 94
-caught masturbating with SOMEONE ELSE’s vacuum cleaner in their garage
this would make an awesome swiffer commercial. all he needs is that “who’s that lady” song playing.
94.. wow..
who gets turned on by a vacuum??
I’m popeye the sailor man
I use a hoover whenever I can
I’m strong as the niagra
Because I eats me viagra
I’m popeye the sailor man!
Wait at 94 (6 years from 100) would it even work? cuz maybe it just got too old and got sucked into the vacum cleaner that would have made a good alibi
Well that SUCKS
Sucks (to be) him.
Rule 1 : Don’t get busted.
Wait… if we’re not supposed to do this, why did they start putting faces on them?
Why do old men have hella big ears?!
Maybe the vanishing sense of hearing is tried to be compensated by a bigger size… hmm…
Ears keep growing throughout your life. His ears have been growing for 94 years.
I think he has had a stroke. Look how his lip is sagging.
omg best fail
How old was the vacuum cleaner?
he used in front of children.
Reminds me of Gerogerigegege. Except they’re duing it onstage and make money as musicians with it.
This is what’s wrong with this country. A man can’t even make passionate love to his vacuum cleaner without being accused of child abuse. I happen to know that she was a barely 18 Brand-X.
Since when is it illegal to masturbate with a vacuum?
he used it in front of children also at the public beach
This doesnt even look like a real news report. You can see a little “like” thumbs up button, like it came from some blog. The writer says “brain bleach alert”, “throes” is spelled incorrectly, and apparently is by somebody named Castina? Not a first and last name, leading me to believe its a username on some site. On top of that, its a completely strange and farfetched story with missing information? Totally fake, failblog fail.
Or you could…*gasp*…read above comments for the link to the actual news report. And for all the evidence to your accusation.
What, the vacuum cleaner was under age?
Nooooooooooo!!! Henry…..
He was so young
Breaking news: Vacuum cleaners are now children!!
Oh, let him have some fun! He’s old enough to deserve it.
actually this is a win also rofl. he’s still got some kick in him even at the age of 94 muahahaha
No Zappa fans? LOL he desired a Sy Borg-ish night!
Wow, whoever did this was a dumbass. “Throws,” seriously? Now THAT’s a fail.
Yes, total fail indeed.
“…in fragrante delictico…”?
Only if he hadn’t showered in a while.
Reminds me of a story I heard about a fellow sailor who was caught making love to the bilge pump of a 35 ft. survey boat. I know it gets lonely at sea, but I really think there are better alternatives.
Was the vacuum cleaner underage?
Still horny at 95 WIN. The rest of it literally and figuratively sucks.
there are so many good elements to this story
Another fail is its tagged as popular culture?
Guys, maybe we should just man up and get some vacuum cleaners. That man was 94, maybe he’s knows something we don’t.
I think this is just a wording fail. What I think they were trying to say is that he was going to be arrested anyway (for child abuse), and when they did he just so happened to be getting intimate with a vacuum.
Apparently, his mother was right! “Jerkin’ Off” CAN make you go blind. Well, at least in one eye…with the assistance of a Hoover.
What?
Was it an underage vacuum cleaner?
Man busted masturbating with vacuum cleaner.
Make that DUST busted!
I hope the vacuum cleaner wasn’t on
its funny cause the old man dosnt know how a blow job works
For a vacuum cleaner thats more of a suck job. But if he had a leaf blower…..
haha he’s winking! HAHAHAHA!!!
hopefully the vacum cleaner didn’t get turned on
In the years after Olive ran away with Bluto…the golden years have sure been hard on ol Popeye…
double fail completely negated by the caption win…brain bleach alert ftw!
“all I heard was…Chopper – suck balls”
/ouchies
Cheney has no heart.
His ears are HUGE!
LOL IDIOTS! It’s called “throes of passion”, not “throws”