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No overpass?
Just a passerby.
The caption literally meant this in Chinese:
Shanghai: Enthusiastic amateur handbrake-drifts into robber.
Netizens in China are speculating that this may have been a movie scene in the Chinese variant of Beijing Drift leaked onto the interwebz.
the cake is not a lie
This was a triumph
I’m making a note here: huge success
It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction
Oh but the cake is a lie because you never died and never became the cake and even if you did how the hell would robots eat cake?
Wouldn’t something called a ‘Beijing drift’ already BE the Chinese variant? Or is there a Beijing in Japan I’m not aware of?
you can’t do that in america. the criminals have more rights to take what you have, than you have to keep what you earn.
so sad yet so true
Well there was a collision… sorta.
Calculated accidenty.
*punches buttons on pocket calculator*
Hmm, I thought it would have come back with green.
Ms B! Did you just spell “BOOBLESS”?!?
*gigglesnerk*
*hastily puts pocket calculator back in pocket*
Um, no?
*innocent look*
You can’t have a boob quake without boobs ya know!!
*stuffs*
I completely agree with what she’s saying.
我完全同意她说的。
I could only recognize the characters “wŏ, tā shuō” and “de” before I had to use Google translate, but that’s more than I was able to understand about a year and a half ago
Well NS, the driver went over and made sure the thief didn’t pass at the opportunity to get run over.
I’ll take it!
So we start off with breather 1 walking down the street and moments later breather 2 enters the picture, walking behind. B2 gets in a bit of a hurry and decides he really needs B1′s shoulder bag (purse?). B1 puts up a short fight, but B2 prevails and runs down the street victoriously. B1 chases after, but will never catch B2 because B2 is simply faster. Unfortunately for B2, he’s not faster than the car that come up from behind. B2 runs around a corner and down a street to the right and the car performs an e-brake slide behind him …
Switch to the next camera down that street. Here comes B2 with a car chasing him. He thinks he’s all that and a bag of chips, but the car easily passes him by and does another e-brake slide right in front of him. B2 runs into the fender of the car, then attempts to run around it. The driver keeps switching between drive and reverse to prevent B2 from circumventing it until B1 appears in last place, but ready to recover the bag and exchange a few words with B2.
In this case, the overpass is breather 3, running from a nearby guardhouse at the end of the chase to assist B1 in teaching B2 a lesson about asking first. Guess who the overpass hits across the head? Repeatedly.
“Nothing beats fighting crime while sitting down.” A commercial for very demotivational follows (the sad one with Avis falling down), some quilt named Stefan powers with “Yeah
THIS is for trying to rob me” and we’re reminded once again how zombies come to be (crash and die, then struck by lightning … the rise to proclaim … DOT ORG!).
*applauds*
*calls for an encore*
This is encore. May I assist you?
This is an escort … oh wait, that was uncalled for.
Oh, yes, thank you! I need to order an impromptu cuddle puddle for the failpeeps to be delivered to this address, please…
*ebrakes, hops out, delivers cuddles*
*searches for the puddle*
*takes Leila by the hand, leads her to the break room for cake*
Come on, let these two cuddle in peace.
Oh gawd! What did I just do? Don’t tell me I …
threesome’d!!!!
*runsawayinhorror*
*goes back for cake*
We can’t cuddle?
*goes to the breakroom for cake* *cuddles with Leila*
*headbonks Scotty*
You can, but remember the rule about getting between DW and AA?
Hey…! A cuddle-puddle is fair game! All cuddles are welcome and happy-making. And I could use a few hugs today.
*hugs*
*squeeeeeze!*
Beside! Beside them! Not between!
Scotty, do you have another asbestos suit, or just the disco outfit?
That was no rule violation of any sort. It’s entrapment!!
*hires an attorney*
…and oh!
*HUGS HUGS HUGS for DW*
Hope everything is okay.
*squeezes DW*
*settles into cuddle-puddle*
Everything is fine. I’m just tired and sore and I didn’t get a job I applied for. I expected that, of course, but it’s still no fun.
*cuddles*
Jeez, peeps, we’re all friends here.
*squeezes all around*
OK, maybe I was being overcautious, but I tend to do that when dealing with fire breathing entities.
*squeezes all around*
Heya, DW — I saw your FB2 message via e-mail (can’t access FB2 here)… and I want you to know that I in no way meant to imply what you inferred.
*squeeze*
*gently kneads DW’s shoulders*
I’m sorry, sweetie.
Ah, crap! The next one will be even better.
*supermegasowwyhugs*
CANNONBALL!!!
*dives into cuddle puddle*
*squeezes all around*
*extra squeezies for Dragon*
Oh, no, dubs. I’m sorry. *hugs*
OH, thank you! I was just about to send you an “Eeep! Are you mad at me??” email because I hadn’t heard from you.
Jet lag makes for an overly sensitive dragon.
*squeeze*
I didn’t get the job I applied for either DW. Even though they told me I was one of the last two candidates out of 20 or so, I find no consolation in that.
Hee…wow.
I really appreciate all the friendship and support you guys have shown me, both new friends and old. You’re always there when I need you. Thanks.
*sinceresqueeze*
@ both Leila & DW:
They clearly didn’t deserve you!
*Stands at the edge of the cuddle puddle*
Is it too late to offer a squeeze from me?
*squeezes the peeps*
Gotta go, I’m
watching tvon on-call duty.Well, I was told that more than 300 people applied for the position. My chances weren’t good no matter what. I’m actually amazed and pleased that I made the first cut from over 300 down to about 20.
But this does not bode well for the whole job hunting thing.
*reaches out and drags MerQueen into the cuddle puddle*
Never too late for a squeeze.
Well, you’ve done a lot of hard work that will help with subsequent applications.
Nice too meet you
Very sorry to hear the news, sweetie. *squeezies*
Here, settle down there amongst the pillows and amongst your friends, and I’ll mix up a proper pomtini to ease your pain!
*SQUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEZE*
That is for everyone, being big enough for it!
*wraps self in plastic*
*offers squeezes to all job-hunting peeps*
My roommate is in the market too. I’m hoping I won’t be soon, but the way you peeps keep me laughing …
Aaaw! Thanks ZA. How considerate of you to wrap yourself in plastic. I didn’t want any zombie goo on my outfit today.
*invents a device to stifle ZA’s laughter @ work*
*wraps in decaying leaves*
Here — I don’t want you fired.
Perhaps we should keep zombie roommate out of the market.
Sorry to hear about the job, Dragonwriter. I have been job-hunting, too. Basically the same results – I was in a 5-hour interview a couple of weeks ago and got a one-sentence letter of rejection a week later.
*cuddles*
Can… can I join in the cuddle-puddle too, please? (hopeful look)
*snork*
Is that really what crosses your mind when you see that ad?
Well yeah, but notice the movie I named … FALLING DOWN.
Princess Grace, I am not!
*holds hand up*
Yes ma’am!
I hope not gleefully!!
I assumed you were diving for fish.
That works!
“*snork*” ?
LOL was that a typo?
*thunderous applause explodes from the audience*
get a life?
He is explaining it for the video impaired, you nitwit.
AND HE’S LIVING LA VITA MORTA!!!
*RIGLMAO*
You’re gonna get me fired.
And that could be catastrophic.
He had one back in the days.
Some folks just don’t get the whole zombie concept.
Noobs.
Delicious noobs…
WARNING: Consumption of noobs leaves a bad taste in your mouth and objects in mirror are exactly as they appear.
If you blanch them before eating them, you might be able to get rid of some of that bad taste. Adding a little bit of lemon to the cooking water might also help.
Salt helps too, if added to that cooking water.
Cooking? Water?
You’re doing it wrong.
I have a fantastic recipe for spicy southwest steak tare-tare if you’re interested…
I would but…blanching at ZA hurts his feelings.
I thought zombies were void of feelings.
ZA is back from the void.
Are you offering yours?
*QUACK*
You assume he has one?
Don’t eat his brains. You are what you eat, and it’d be sad if you were stupid.
He is a zombie and he isn’t affected in any way.
Let’s just say trolls have fertilizer for brains and I’ve occasionally been know to be a little turd.
How organic of you.
Coming soon to a grocer near you: Organic Bottled Water. Gone are the days of synthetic water! Enjoy a refreshing drink straight from…wherever organic stuff comes from…
The clouds?
Silly MM … clouds don’t make water. Sheesh!
I know, I know… it comes from the water plant.
Now I only drink super-expensive ionized alkaline water! My
quack chiropractordoctor says my pH is too low. Now I pee on pH strips and eat lots of raw veggies!hmmm tmi?
Woohoo! Thank you very much, ZA.
I always know I can count on my Failpeeps.
I don’t always get a day when I’m chained to my desk and the boss isn’t supposed to show up until lunch, but when I do I try to make the most of it.
Did he swallow the key?!
If so, we will have to wait it out.
I’m NOT cleaning that up.
Hey – I just noticed your status about the migraine – how are you feeling now?
It’s coming and going, but it’s not nearly as bad as it was on Monday. Thanks for asking, Judy!
I guess I need to get back on FB2 & update my status — but I can’t access it at work & don’t want to get on the computer at home if my head hurts. *sigh*
Gimme your password and login name. I will update it for you.
*squeeeeeeeze*
login name is hellokitteh@… WAIT A MINUTE!!!
*eyes Leila suspiciously*
Next thing you know we’ll all be getting e-mails about how you’re stuck in Timbuktu with no money!
I was going for St Croix but Timbuktu is more believable. Oh wait…you are not supposed to know that.
*pulls flashy thingie out of purse*
Look at me little birdie…right here.
*FLASH*
*hacks into nightshayde’s bejeweled blitz game*
*looks over DW’s shoulders*
Oooooooooh!!! Bedazzled I am.
One of my friends got over 660,000 the week before last. You might want to hack her game rather than mine.
Holy freekin’ hell.
How do they DO that???
The guy who’s always #1 in my game has posted above 650,000 as well. I’ve no idea how though.
She wasn’t sure how she did it. Stuff just started exploding everywhere & she was up to an 8x multiplier very very quickly. She would have gotten a higher score, but she just froze watching everything fall & explode — and staring at her score.
*stands and applauds*
BRAVO!
Too long.
Did not listen.
sadf156a1f65asf 1as6f1 a6s1fda
I bet this guy feels a little..
.
.
.
…
.
…….
wait for it….
…
…
.
run over
I think “run down” might have been more what you were going for.
That’s what I call excellent driving skills.
This is where the robber meets the road.
Where those who steal get belted.
He’ll soon enjoy the comfort of being surrounded by side walls.
Won’t be a Goodyear surrounded by Fire (and brim)stone.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired.
Oh, wheely?
He’d best tread lightly, then.
It will flatten his spirits for sure.
If he’s been into the spirits, the poice may make him blow out an alcohol test.
Too many margaritas with salt on the rims!
He’s going to end up on skid row.
From bumper to bummer.
These puns have spun out of control.
So many surveillance cameras! By the way, why do they speak mandarin in England?
老大哥在看著你！
*stops scratching ass*
*notices he didn’t mention whose*
HEY!!!
That’s the spot, eh?
I am not sayin’.
Maybe they just got bored with English after all these years and decided they wanted a challenge?
You want a challenge? Look at the alphabet line up on this language. CLICKIE!!!!
*head explodes*
Welcome to my world my friend.
What language was it transliterated to??
Ge’ez!
*squeeze*
Hee!
*squeeze*
I have a hard enough time with kiZombie (clickie!! clickie!!)
Do you have to be tested annually to renew your zombie license?
Bah — it’s blocked here.
*grumbles*
The great firewall of NS’s employer. :rolls:
*tries to swipe the corrupting ‘s’ before it’s too late*
*fails*
HI ZA!!!!!
*Dances around the undead*
They don’t have a 2?
Well — with the world’s economy being as it is, they had to trim the budget.
Sad. Quite sad, really.
They made up for it with the extra 3.
1 … 3 … 5!
Three, sir.
Yeah, I said that already!
它混淆了松鼠?
Asian drivers driver fail… at least it wasn’t a woman.
I don’t think you understood the video.
I call dumb Shenanigans.
Really? I call Shenanigans dumb.
That’s Mr.Shenanigans dumb, Avis.
I stand corrected!
Are you sure you wouldn’t rather sit?
Or perch?
I’m lying right now.
~Avis, dear, you should always strive to be truthful…~
*HONESTSQUEEZE*
How ARE you? WHERE have you BEEN?
Enjoying our ever changeable weather?
I have been around … still trying to sell my house, talk sense to my 14 year old daughter and not kill my ex. How about you, what’s up?
I have kinda been enjoying the weather – better than winter and not yet hot!
Trying to talk sense into your 14 year old daughter? You might have better luck with the not killing the ex thing!
Things are pretty good here, in about 2 weeks or so, I’m going to St. Louis with Rooster, for a friends commencement ceremony. Hopefully it’ll be a bit warmer there!
Go, Speed Racer, go!
There was a chimpanzee in the trunk?!
Trunk monkey!
The monkey gets the boot.
I thought the monkey was in the lab.
What happened to the poo-flinging lab monkey?
Indeed. That monkey was cloning a bunch of Leilas. I am now worried.
♬
Trunk monkey – that funky monkey
♬
*does the funky monkey dance while eating chunky monkey ice cream*
*stern look*
*taps foot*
*Offers some Chunky Monkey with Ms B while eating Neopolitan Dynamite*
Fifth! I did it!
Oh noes! I faileds!
In more than one way.
Shall we count?
Yes please!
ZERO
ONE
01001110011011110010110000100000011011100110111101110100001000000111001101101111001000000110110101110101011000110110100000101110
001100
010010
011110
100001
101101
110011
Whoa hey, you’ve seen my tattoo?!
The unicorn or the jar of baconlu…
Oh. Um. Nevermind.
Have you seen this one, dubsie?
ht tp://ugliesttattoos.com/2010/03/08/funny-tattoos-you-remind-me-of-the-babe/
(probably going to triplepost, but damn, is it worth it:))
Nuuooooh! That site is blocked here at work.
*pouts*
Oh, yes I have! For some reason I’m morbidly fascinated with bad tattoo sites.
(Makes me love my beautiful tattoos even more, too.)
Fry? Is that you?
“I never told anybody this, but a thousand years ago I used to look up at the moon and dream about being an astronaut. I just never had the grades…or the physical endurance… plus I threw up a lot and nobody liked spending a week with me. “
And, I suspect that you are now over the age limit … cut off for xv 700 series is 499 years old, I think…
Methinks xv745 needs an avatar.
What, rotating my quilt 12° doesn’t count as an avatar? How about if I rotate it 42°?
And yeah, Elsa, you’re probably right. Newer models than me get turned down every day…
(and just for the record, I can’t take credit for that astronaut quote… we’ve got a geeky Futurama reference thing going here…).
<sound_of_turbine_played_backwards>
Hypnotoad commands you to witness the return of Futurama episodes from the dead in June – again.
ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD!
</sound_of_turbine_played_backwards>
ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNOTOAD!
(oh, and hoo-freaking-ray for the return of Futurama!)
(oh, and clickie-click… esp. if you have sound… and nothing to do for the rest of the day…)
To the Batmobile!
Looks more like the batmobile 1 is in the car repair shop and Batman had to use his “other batmobile”.
So THIS is what the handbrake is for.
Uh…
*fishtails*
I told you never to pull on that!!!
Wait, THIS red button?
*can’t resists and pushes the big red button*
“I swear to god, Ma, I thought it was the parking brake!” – Dorothy Zbornak
Thank you for being a Mouse
Rose: …but you need to hear about my cousin Ingmar. He was different. He used to do bird imitations.
Blanche: Well, what’s wrong with that?
Rose: Well, let’s just say you wouldn’t want to park your car under their oak tree.
Ew!
I knew you’d like that
LOL! That was a brilliant show.
*universe bursts into flames, but not before weeping dramatically*
I know, it’s tough watching a British man cry.
*Looks back at the tied up General BondFan4518*
You mean he doesn’t enjoy bondage!?
ACK!!!!
*flees collar*
*looks even more confused*
Should I have offered him some tea instead?
Considering his age, yes. Don’t forget the biscuits.
*Ponders*
hmm I don’t have any biscuits but I do have some chocolate chip cookies.
*looks at General BondFan4518*
Oh right let me untie you first
*whispers*
(Pssst – MerQueen … GBF is a teenager. A wonderfully bright, mature one — but a teenager, nonetheless).
Indeed. I’m 16, to be precise. Could someone untie me, please? And biscuits would be lovely, cheers.
That’s odd. My avatar switched. I thought I had gotten rid of that Gumby photo. Huh.
*unties GBF*
*stares at MerQueen*
Um … tea and scones, dear?
(Sorry it took me so long to respond real life got in the way)
I apologise to General BondFan4518 for tying him up, I guess I got a little carried away with the duct tape there.
*Holds out a tray of freshly baked biscuits as a peace offer*
Oh, not to worry. I’ve had stranger things happen to my person here on the blog a simple tying up won’t do much harm.
*munches on biscuits*
You wouldn’t happen to have any tea, would you?
I have Earl Grey, herbal, white, green or rooibos tea which do you prefer?
Do you take milk and/or sugar in your tea?
Earl Grey, please. I’ll take milk and sugar, thank you.
*sips tea*
*pauses*
*explodes*
*the REAL GBF storms in*
Has anyone seen the anti-tea prototype clone? I could have sworn it-
*notices spattered walls*
Oh. Never mind.
*walks away*
blink
You’ll get used to BFF and his clones, Mer.
Well…maybe. Come to think of it, I’m not sure I’M used to him yet!
*yoinks a biscuit and goes looking for some coffee*
*arrives to clean the walls*
*licks the gore off them*
*
safety**leaves the walls … bereft of blood, meat and braaaaiiiiiinnnzzz*
*walls are now smeared with decaying organic matter instead*
blink
*scratches the back of her head*
I don’t remember falling down a rabbit hole
I must say that was the strangest tea-party ever!
More tea?
How can I have more tea if I haven’t had any in the first place?
He was actually just trying to parallel park in the couch dimension.
I wanna park with you in the horizontal dimension.
Flip for me?
One good turn deserves, um, being put on my Tab!
Oh, your treat?
*turns tricks*
Hanging out by the bookstore again?
Dilly, dilly, I’ll give you the news –
I’ve got a book case full of lovin’ you.
Might as well face it, I’m addicted to you turning tricks…
♪ I wanna sleep with you in the desert tonight, with a million stars all around ♫
Somehow I get the feeling Dilly isn’t easy. Peaceful is kinda doubtful too.
Muahaha!
I love how it appears to be a Cadillac CTS, like Bruce Wayne moved to Japan or something.
Kitt could have done it better.
“MICHAEL, I WANT TO USE THE LASER CANNONS”
“No, it’s just a goddamn purse! I can’t deal with the paperwork!!”
Michael, I just used the laser cannons anyway. Clean up the mess.
I always hoped Kitt would realize he didn’t need Michael.
They were a little codependent.
So I wasn’t the only one who wished Kitt had a driver’s-side ejection seat…?
“I WANT THIS MULLET OUT OF HERE, STAT”
*Snork!*
What a great episode it could have been if they were arguing. Kitt ejects Michael, Michael retaliates by NOT filling up with premium. Kitt lets Bonnie take him for a drive. Michael is “accidentally” seen driving some red Corvette floozy…
Why?? WHY did I just go do a Google search for Knight Rider fanfic??
Example summary: “What would happen if the senior Michael Knight returned to FLAG, and the original KITT was rebuilt as an Mustang, and if other timelines were involved”
lol, “an Mustang”. *hides*
There must be some corollary to rule 34 about fanfic existing for any previous work of fiction.
*creeps up behind*
*puts on ZA mask*
*creeps up behind*
Just whose behind are you creeping up, GBF? Hmmm?
“We’re sorry…Dragonwriter cannot come to the fail right now. She’s laughing much too hard and cannot type. Please leave your post at the sound of the beep.”
*BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!*
He just finished his mail order proctology class and crepping up a behind is the final…
Not sure what the Boo was for – perhaps that is the exit strategy.
*grqbs the extre PEE and replaces it with the proper “e” * there should not be any pee up there anyway!
grqbs???? *walks away slowly shaking head* this is what happens when you neglect your fail blog skills …
*switches on flashlight*
I have no idea, but it sure is dark in here!
Hello? Hello?
Are you able to clap, BFF?
BondFan! Where exactly are you?!
And if you are where I think you are, why did you bring a fleshlight?
@GS: that was my thought too, but didn’t have the guts to post it!
And are you taking notes? You have 42 questions to answer on the final once you exit that behinney…
Y’all might wanna back up. I’m coming out.
I have no idea. It could be-
*bonk*
OW! I bumped my head on something. Gee, this place is pretty small! Wait, 42 questions?
*prepares a heavy duty hazmat suit for when BF emerges*
*two days later…*
*crawls out of space, dehydrated and starving*
Help…meee…the smell…the walls…the horror! THE HORROR!!!
*attempts to run around screaming*
*collapses*
*hooks up the fire hose to the hydrant* *calls the firemen (not to help, just for some fun…)*
Hey!!!
I know I’ve been quiet today, but there are better ways to get my attention!!
Did someone call?
*wraps GBF in hazmat suit, ties him to the hydrant and turns the hose on GBF, hands him his waterproof test paper (with 42 questions) and waterproof pen, waves to da buddacow, and links arms with the Fireman*
Please hose down BFF. I’m glad that was the real BFF and not one of his explosive clones.
why? was it your behind he creeped up??
I think was either with up a can of Tab or a can of terrier…not sure.
*looks at SuzieQ*
It must be the medication.
*looks at Fireman*
*looks at SuzieQ*
*looks at Fireman*
*looks confused*
*rubs eyes*
*looks at SuzieQ*
*looks at Fireman*
Are you feeling alright Miss?
Oh she’s just fine. Let’s just stroll over thisaway.
*swoons*
*wakes up to a buttacow, a confused cat, a turtle, an admiral, a cat in a hat staring wide-eyed at him, and a naked firefighter*
Aw, not this dream again.
*snork*
LOL!
*squeezes GBF*
*re-swoons*
Every time I try to make it through this thread, I fear for my job. I’ve made it twice and now my co-workers fear for my sanity.
Reminds me of Knight Rider!
tbh, I’d just have run him over and be done with it..
And risk bag damage? It would make no sense. Unless you do it for the points. Not wearing socks? +2 points. Carrying stolen bag? +1 point. Or so my friend said, I don’t have the chart to prove how the point system works.
I am really grossed out by “bag damage”.
He’s talking about lubricating a Cadillac with the guts of some guy and you’re grossed out by “bag damage”?
*likes Dilly even more*
ZA, I think I just found your new mode of transportation!! Clickie!!
^5!! It’s perfect for ZA!
What shall we name him/her?
Pooka
Good one!
*pokes*
*rides off on Pooka*
:[
Hey! You need to pay for th…..ah, she’s gone. *kicks dirt, is jealous of horsie ride*
You ride Pooka, you pay. :[
Erm… riding Pocahontas is still free, no?
NO!
You are a very selfish man John Smith!
That’s why a magic tree had to teach her English! I’m like super busy!!
And yet you refuse to learn raccoon. Selfish bastard.
I’ve Na’vi heard of such laziness.
I see you, Bugga-Boo.
Bugga-Boo, you’re just the cutest thang evar!
*pinches lil -erm cheek?*
He has cheeks?
*frantically searches for a ShamWow*
♬
Horsemen are drawing nearer
On leather steeds they ride
They’ve come to take your life!
On through the dead of night
With the Four Horsemen ride
Or choose your fate and die!!
♬
well… they are chinese…
Tokyo Drift?
Those were some sik drifting skillz! I would expect nothing less from a Japanese driver.
Wait… isn’t this the second Chinese DIY lawmaking intervention we’ve seen here? First time round there was that guy who threw his bike at the scooter thieves.
Go China! yay.
Ladro!
L’occasione fa il ladro, ossia Il cambio della valigia?
Drifting in a Cadillac — Win.
Vigilante justice isn’t allowed where I live. They bandit a long time ago.
I call this citizen’s arrest.
*tasers the thief*
Ha caddilacs they are such beasts
*drags drink cart in from earlier fail*
Ok, now that most of us have FINALLY made it to the afternoon, we’ll get back to celebrating my belated failiversary. I want to thank you all for the laughs over the last year. Deciding to join this community was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I feel that I am a better person for having known you all.
HAPPY FAILIVERSARY!!!!
I’m so happy you’re here with us, and that you decided to bring your funnies and smarts and the wonderfulness that is you here.
Again Happy failiversary, I hope there will be many more to come
Happy Failiversary Ms B!
Fail Blog would be a lesser place without you.
Happy Failiversary!!!
This place wouldn’t be the same without you!
Ditto!
Cheers, Ms B!
Oh, Ms B, we’re so happy you’re here, too! Thanks so much for being you!
*SQUEEZE!*
What he said! ^
*Bsqueeeeeeze*
I’ll drink to that!* Happy Failiversary Ms B!!
*I’ll drink to anything, I admit. But that doesn’t lessen the significance of your occasion. Cheers!
Happy Failiversary, Ms B! Thanks for all the kind words and laughs you give all of us every day. ♥
*squeeeeeeeeeeze*
Happy Failiversary! Now…I know that cookies are much appreciated around here, but how about…a Mai Tai?
*hic*
There are some martinis down there.
*points up… and then over to the left a little*
*stares at pointing finger*
*sways*
You know, you’re pretty cute when you’re drunk…
Aw, shucks…
*winks at LGB*
*winks other eye*
*forgot to open first eye*
*snores*
♫♪ Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you ♫♪
*failiversary squeezies*
I coulda swore I dropped a happy failiversary earlier, but either Bloggy ate it or I got distracted (work, you know …)
HAPPY FAILIVERSARY MS B ♥
… and many mooooooooorrrrrrrrreee! 8)
THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!!
Rooster’s g-mail account got hacked (I and everyone on his list got e-mails from “him” claiming to be stuck in London without any cash), and it turns out Google itself got majorly hacked recently and LOTS of accounts have been compromised. If you get a FB2 message from him claiming stranded, ignore it. If you have a g-mail account, CHECK IT.
*sends cash to Rooster in London*
Wut? I just wanna help.
:[ … thanks for the PSA. I will go check.
*squeeze*
I had dinner with him last night, and he left this morning at around 8:45. That must have been one helluva a fast plane!!
Hee, hee! I hacked my sister’s facebook account Monday. My sister Janet had her password, so she added a few comments. I got the password, and changed her status to “….likes to wrestle in jello with midgets.”
What did she do when she found out?
Got out of the jello tank!
She was proud of the hacking skills that run in the family! And then promptly changed her password. Hey, we’re a fun bunch!
Vibrations good like Sunkist
Many wanna know who done this
I suppose I brought that on myself.
So, you’re saying we should leave him stranded in London….?
Just send BFF to pick him up. I’m sure he can help.
Good idea!
*dials London*
You should try Japan if there is no answer. But then that won’t do us any good.
It would only be funnier if he had friends and/or family in London. I feel bad for him though, there are some possibly REALLY bad things that could happen because of this. Like an emptying of his bank account and one of his credit cards gone kaplooey.
♫ The ice age is coming, the sun’s zooming in
Engines stop running, the wheat is growing thin
A nuclear error, but I have no fear
Cause London is drowning and I, I live by the river ♫
When I was little, I thought it was “the sun’s a souvenir”
‘Scuse me while I kiss this guy.
Most guys buy me dinner first.
There’s a bathroom on the right.
I’ll only go if there’s a wrestling show.
Revved up like a douche, another runner in the night.
*picks up dial phone*
Hellay? The Residence of BondFan4518? Who may I say is telephoning at this hour?
Why would I have Prince Albert in a can?
I know not, but would by any chance your refrigerator be moving at an accelerated pace?
Oh yes. This is the US calling. Hey, can you check to see if your fridge is running? I will hold.
*waits…
*gets back to phone*
I do apologize for the wait. Yes, our refrigerator was indeed on the loose. Thank you for notifying us. It seems one of the Master’s clones was bored and morphed with a refrigerator. It was last seen sprinting towards a cliff.
.
Is there anything else the lady would like to speak of?
Uuuuuh … look!!!!! What is that behind you???
*hangs up*
US 0
England 1
*sulks*
That would give our little birdie a break if you know what I mean.
HeeHee!!! Sorry, I couldn’t help it.
Yep. He’s always wanted to travel there anyway.
Generally speaking, whenever you get an email from someone you know claiming to be stuck somewhere and desperately in need of cash, it’s a fake. When you consider it for a moment it becomes quickly apparent why – say you’re stuck somewhere and need money. Will you:
A. Call someone trusted and explain the situation in person.
B. Beg for money on a street corner.
C. Look for the nearest homeless shelter.
D. Send out a blanket email to everyone you know and hope for the best.
Roosters co-worker got the same e-mail, looked up at Rooster and said “Just so you know, you’re stuck in London with no cash, but I’m not sending you any.”
That’s when Rooster checked the situation out and then called me.
LOL!
Did the “I’m stranded” e-mails show up in his “sent” folder? Otherwise, I’m not sure how I’d know I’d been hacked.
I’m now glad I only have about 3 people in my gmail addy book. I’m in trouble if my yahoo account gets compromised the same way.
He can’t even access his g-mail account right now. He’s contacted the proper PTB and informed them of the problem, but they can’t do anything for 24 hours they say.
Bah!
Maybe we should all head to London to make sure he’s ok.
I would LOVE to go back to London someday! It’s an amazing place. But I can see why he needs money, it’s NOT cheap there!
Yay! Failtrip!!!! Let’s all load into the plane!
We’ll have to use Marius’ CC for this adventure!
*holds bro’s CC up in the air*
GOT IT!!!!
To the airport!!!!
You lifted his Coupé Convertible? Wow!
Oh come on! I’m already trying to get over jet lag here!
But…hmm. London.
*hefts bags*
Ready when you are!
Count me in!
♪ London’s calling! ♫
*wanders around London, Ontario*
where is everybody??
Gotta swing by home to pick up my passport… meet you at an airport somewhere?
As long as it’s not over a rainbow… I will wait for you NS.
I’ll meet you in London, I just have to cross the north sea.
hmm now where did I leave that inflatable boat? I know it is around here somewhere.
Are you crazy? You want to cross the North Sea in a dinghy? 0.0
*faints*
Hmm your right Jam I am a MER-Queen I should just swim
besides it isn’t that far.
You left out a couple of things.
1. Start turning tricks.
2. Head to the US Embassy (or whatever embassy is yours).
3. Safety.
I purposefully avoided numbers because I figured when lost in a foreign city and desperately in need of money, safety is the last thing on your mind.
Well — it was the last thing on my list.
It was the red mist
Excellent drifting.
Kar Fu!
*proves Ownorator wrong*
*QUACK*
no rator, you’re owned
*slips in and takes a seat*
*waves hi to all*
Hiya, MM!
*pours MM a chocolate martini*
*runs off to lunch*
Thank you sweetie
*Needs a drink badly*
*smiles*
Good afternoon, missy. Nice to meet you!
Hi Mabel, nice to meet you also.
Did NS leave any extra martinis? It’s almost happy hour here.
I don’t think so, beacause if she did, they would all be gone.
is a lush today.
Well, pooh.
Enjoy!
*swoops in carrying a portable bar*
*whips up some kind of crazy glowing martini*
*sets martini in front of Mabel*
*BIG SMILE*
*sets off a distracting smoke bomb*
*a thud and some muffled cursing*
*smoke clears to reveal XV picking self up off the floor and limping out of the room*
*Blinks*
Wow!
Um, Mabel, sweetie. I brought in a whole drinky cart ^^. Help yourself!
Thanks Ms B! Don’t mind if I do. It’s been a day.
*pops his head back in*
Just be sure to try that glowing martini first, Mabel. I made especial for you!
*leaves again, but MUCH more carefully this time*
Wow, xv! Looks like there’s a little martini puddle left over here amid all the destruction. You OK?
Ah, it’s nothin’ a little gin won’t help me ignore until tomorrow morning…
*clumsily scoops the martini puddle into a paper cup*
*guzzles*
*plops down abruptly to sit amongst the destruction*
*hic*
This would be an inspiring video only for one thing. That apparently innocent girl actually stole that young thuggish man’s handbag in an earlier video – which also happened to contain vital medicine for his dying grandmother.
*somber wave*
*sits down in back row*
*Joins Garf in back row, sipping my drink*
Nip?
*gestures to hip flask*
*appears out of nowhere*
*catches breath*
Don’t mind if I do!
*looks over at MM*
Oh, my manners… ladies first.
*giggles*
Why thank you.
*pours some and offers to xv*
You know I genuinely love that quilt!
*awkward silence*
So… can I get that back?
*Hands it back to Garf*
Thank you sweetie.
Thanks to some kind of time paradox I get to keep it AND give it to xv!!! Awesome!!!
Thanks Miss M.!
*claps*
*guzzles*
*looks over at Garf*
Oh, I’m sorry… did you want some too?
*blushes*
*one more sip and hands flask back to Garf*
Thank you kindly!
You know what… why don’t you keep it.
It’s engraved with my initials “G.T.P.”, but I’m sure you can come up with a personalised meaning for them.
Happy Garf Day!
Many thanks, Garf! *hic*
*looks down into flask*
*gives flask a shake*
Hmmm… it’s a good thing. *hic* She’s about empty anyway.
*Looks at the guys with a drunken smirk*
*slurrs something*
*shrugs*
Uh oh… She’s doing the smirk.
*backs away*
*Wiggles a finger at him*
*skips into thread*
Yes, MM? What can I do for..? Oh! You didn’t wiggle it at ME…
*smooches*
*skips outta thread*
Hey LGB!
It’s kinda wiggling all over the place.
(she’s had quite a bit to drink)
Why you wearing Dilly Slime?
What’s Dilly Slime?
Oh, dilly is another regular on Fail Blog (whom we don’t get to see very much of these days). She metaphorically slimed me in the last fail…
Who’s “Bubbles”?
And how the hell did this comment make it up to this thread?
*kicks blog*
I think we broked the blog.
*wishes his name was “Bubbles”*
*blushes*
*hic*
*turns to Miss M and starts a drunken monologue*
“We were jammin’ over at the house.
My pants caught on fire.
We were smokin’ a lotta… whiskey, and uh, chicken.
And uh, got some food and…
I got some food and came home and got a call, uh…
No wait, I got some calls then, uh, came home, then I got some food.
Came home, got some food and then *cough* got some calls, uh…
Couldn’t find the fridge for a while and…
Wait, first we couldn’t…we got the food and then…
No wait, first we had the fridge.”
(With due deference to Beck… apparently it’s my day to copy-paste quotes. Don’t worry, I’ll do my own material tomorrow…)
*hic*
clickie-click if you have no idea what I was just talking about…
*hic*
I have no idea what you were just talking about. And I’m not clickying.
*stomps away*
*hic*
*nods in agreement*
I know tuna tastes like chicken.
I like cheese
*hic*
*stands up*
*sways dangerously*
But, but, but… waaaait. I’ll ‘splain it to you…
It’s this… this… thing. See?
*sways*
*stares vaguely in the direction LGB just left*
*hic*
(the clicky will only take 38 seconds of your time and it’s totally funny… kinda… if you’ve ever been wasted… or even just really sleepy and confused).
*stumbles against xv….*
*puts a finger to his lips… shhhhhh*
Don’t wake up the aligator… It’s …
no.. just
wha?
*puts hand on Miss M’s shoulder*
Hey you know what’s great Miss?
Laying on couches for a bit!
Come on, let’s just…
*leads Miss over to couch*
*Uses Garf for support .. stumbling over to the couch*
~Mumblestoherself~
*leans heavily on MM*
You’re right… I should shhhh…
*hic*
You know what? Yer….CUTE!
*blushes*
*hic*
Shhhh….
*snorts*
*Grabs xv as she clutches onto Garf*
“You’re coming with me young man”
*pointing to the couch*
*hics*
*helps Miss lay down*
*covers with jacket*
*puts on soothing orchestral music*
*pauses for a moment*
*takes pen from pocket and draws moustache on Miss*
*giggles*
Huh! Didn’t see XV there.
*draws glasses on xv*
*giggles*
*backs away cause of all the potential jiggy jiggy*
*doesn’t let go of xv*
*moans softly to the music, doesn’t feel the new mustache*
snuggles xv
*snores*
*puts MM’s hand in pot of water*
*SPLASHES*
*fills MM’s other hand with whipped cream and readies feather for nose tickling*
*snores*
*wakes up momentarily and swears he has better vision*
*snuggles back*
*snores*
*Her hand swats her nose*
*Splurt!*
*Groans with shaving cream all over her face*
*looks deviously at LGB realising the wonderful opportunity for maximum prankage*
*changes to whipped cream*
Actually the shaving cream was already on your face. I didn’t want to say anything.
*Blows bubbles as she snores*
~that sounds so bad~
LOLs
*Snores*
Who isn’t Bubbles more like!
*marches off to bed*
Nite Nite Garf!
*muffled speech from upstairs*
gu-ni-mi-mui-lay-er
Uh oh… did Garf get jealous? There’s room for three on this couch!
Do I have to reset my borked counter?
What is a Bork counter?
and what is a bork?
Some of the comments aren’t showing up in the correct order. The thread is borked (broken). I have been counting the days since my last borkage in my name. I don’t want to reset it!
Hey, I was upstairs!
*marches upstairs for a second time*
I’m not sure, but I think this borking was a group project, so maybe you can just set your counter back a half day?
*shrugs*
*looks up at teetering Jenga-like thread*
*cringes*
*runs up the stairs and pounces Garf*
*rubs the cream all over his new clothes*
*runs!*
AH! You really are a lil devil
*cheesy smile*
*shakes finger*
Yes I am
*wiggles My hips*
*pushes his luck by posting another comment*
Oh, and Miss M., since you’re new here I thought I’d point out that when somebody says “click” or “clickie” or something like that it means they’ve put a link in the “Website” field of their reply.
So, if you click on that person’s name (in the post where they said “click”) it will take you to a link that is presumably related to their post.
If you knew this, I’m sorry to presume otherwise. If not, try clicking my name on my “clickie-click if you have no idea what I was just talking about” post further up this thread…
*hic*
I’m glad you cleared that up, because I had no idea what that ment.
Thank you sweetie
Why pushing your luck by posting?
Cuz this thread’s stacked up to the clouds and I’m afraid it’s gonna fall over…
well.. start a new one.
Bye, all! Good fun today
It was good to see you! Don’t stay away too long.
Could you guys stop posting obviously fake videos constantly?
Sorry! I’ll try to stop but I just have these overwhelming urges.
*purges the urges*
*surges and splurges*
Now look what you did!
*is turgid*
Aw. So sorry.
*plays dirges*
But it moves us so!
*traffic merges*
I’ll never stop moving!
*rides to Sturgis*
You should write a strongly worded letter to the Mayor.
*snork*
*drops large anvil on top of loltax*
*followed by a tank*
*and a battleship*
*and Windsor Castle. Complete with grounds and flags*
Noooooo… not Windsor! Couldn’t you take Bucks Palace instead?
*sigh*
Very well.
*replaces the castle with Buck House*
*hoists the Royals out and drops them in Balmoral*
There. That’s better, right?
Is he gonna be ok?
Please tell me you left Edward in there!
*checks*
Yep. Look, you can see his terrified head glistening with sweat!
That guy was driving the hell outta that car. Nice job.
Hmm kinda reminds me of the ‘Throwing bicycle at thiefs’ – WIN
RIGHT ON!
That’s the best way to be a good samaritan, so you don’t get stabbed and left in the street to die.
Just swingin’ by…
DAGNABIT, SHADOW!!! Where in the hell have you been?!?!?!?!
*squeeze* even tho you won’t see it…
there need to be more people like that guy
Heart-warming.
Tokyo Drift: Police Force
This is quit a “WIN WIN” for the lady and a “FAIL FAIL” for the tug
Nuts, that shaft was connected to my air conditioner.
What the hell is Batman doing in China?
He gets around — he’s bat-mobile.
Fighting crime?
*waves*
I have GOT to get out of this office. Maybe I’ll sees y’all later.
*hic*
And don’t worry… I’m fine to drive. Really!
*hic*
(Note – I am in no way advocating drunk driving with this post. I could never pull a handbrake turn into a fleeing thief if I was drunk, and I soooo want to do that one of these days…)
Bye xv. Have a good night.
*smooches*
Someone has been playing a bit to much need for speed
or rather too much.
The Fast and the Furious: Shanghai Drift
So that’s what the Batmobile looks like in real life?
Ah… and the driver woudn’t care…
Tokyo drift or Transformers?
SCHITT YEAH!!!!! Now THIS is what EPIC WIN looks like!
Everything’s breaking down, from MC Hammer to trains…
Wait a minute … help me identify the car:
Is that a Prius!?
It’s true then, they really save the environment! It’s not the driver, but the car which stopped the thug!
Pity that these cars get such a bad rep lately.
Yeah it’s a Prius,
The accelerator probably just got stuck and they happened to skid to a halt and take out the criminal at the same time
That was in china, he was just trying to drive straight, didnt even see the robber
This wouldn’t happen in communist Sweden, where the burglar is the true victim. Sick.
Well the irony is that China is Communist.
Somebody’s been playing a wee too much GT5, me thinks.
what the camera didn’t show was four murders and a stolen vehicle. but who was the murderer?
Friggin’ Prius.
Now, this is exactly why I want a rear-wheel drive car – I’m not sure how many of you guys noticed this but that car freaking stopped that guy by drifting as soon as he turned the car it started sliding, that has got the most bad-ass way to be a hero. Rear-Wheel Drive FTW!
Cadillac WIN!!!
That was some great driving and alot of courage. I think it was some undercover cop car.
Is that Jack Bauer driving?
And here I thought Professor X had the market cornered on “fighting crime while sitting down” !
Thought the woman was going to take the guy down and do some crazy german suplex but this was even better. Hilarious
Didn’t know what a german suplex is – Karl Gotch ftw!
Yep, driver win indeed.
What a better way to catch a criminal with a vehicle.
knight rider?
So everyone in Japan does drift…good to know
who says asians are bad drivers….
What’s the percentage chance this could happen? What’s the percentage chance this is Chinese communist propaganda? Just saying.
BATMAAAAAAAAAAN!!
The only thing better than this is fighting crime while taking a crap.