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Lotto Fail
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Lotto FAIL
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It rocks to be picked for the lotto.
Allow “Lotto” to determine your location?
More like your future.
First? Am I first yet?
THE EARTH WILL BE MINE!!!!
BINGO BINGO BINGO!!!!
She wanted to be an actress, but she let her chances slip by.
It must have been hard to have such a black mark on her record.
At least she had the balls to give it a go.
Wha? I missed that. I was too stoned.
And to think some towns have already done away with the lottery.
Smart reference
*ideas slowly tick through brain* … Ah! I get it!
♬
Well they’ll stone you walk all alone.
They’ll stone you when you are walking home.
They’ll stone you and then say they are all brave.
They’ll stone you when you sit down in your grave.
But I would not feel so all alone.
Everybody must get stoned.
♬
i honestly hate that song.
I don’t think that hating Bob Dylan is legal.
YES! from MY COUNTRY !!! POLAND RLZ!!!
Isn’t it awesome understanding?
Damn i should have played
thass a whole lotto fail
you beat me to it.
Oops!
Well, this should assuage those that claim the lotto is fixed.
Well, then is it broke?
That’s rich.
Whattaya MEEEEEEN, I didn’t win?
No but someone lost their (mar)balls.
She dropped the ball on that one…
I have no sound, so I might be missing out some vital information:
TV presenter, standing by a lottery machine (the kind that shuffles balls and then spits out the winning numbers).
Machine starts to shuffle balls, but then throws them all over the TV studio.
Balls miss the presenter, the truck and the overpass.
*snerk*
Don’t forget that the balls are phallic shaped. Every single one of them. Makes for quite a sight.
Flying peaness???
*faints*
The only vital information that Fluffy missed was the fact that the woman was speaking in a language other than English, so a lot of us won’t be able to understand her anyway.
But we don’t have to worry, there will be about ten to elebenty-million people who translate it for us!
Arthur will no doubt find it germane that the woman was speaking in Polish.
Yes, he’ll espain it to us real good!
He should czech in any minute now.
Let me be franc with you, I don’t think he’ll know.
Here’s hopi that he knows!
Maybe his friend Chad can help him out.
You folks should stop russian to such conclusions.
Maya remind you that we ALWAYS rush to such conclusions.
I think we should rush to get something to eat. I’m hungary.
Would you care for some roast Turkey?
As long as it doesn’t come with brussels prouts.
Oh, I don’t Francey prouts at all.
yeah.. they make me fars…
Wasn’t Prouts the guy who wrote in Francey language?
Oh, I am such a Dumas(s)! I thought there was Norway anyone would know that!
Italy something, I didn’t knew it too
I don’t know what language is coming out of her mouth, but her beautiful eyes fill me with feelings of romansh.
Sounds like a Polish languague. And because the machine is crap like most things from poland it must be definitelly a record from some Polish TV
Because your English is crappy I’m guessing you’re Pol too… Haven’t you heard the saying, Eagle doesn’t crap in his own nest? No? OK I’ll translate it for you:
Zanim napiszesz cos zlego o Polsce wiedz, ze wiekszosc polakow za granica jest dumna ze swojego pochodzenia. Nie sraj we wlasne gniazdo gnojku.
luckily I am not a Polish and we say shooted goose always screams.
Oh balls!!!
It really takes some balls to operate that machine!
No, it takes balls to pick up the balls
They just wanted to see what it was like to be free balling it for once.
Sometimes you just have to put your ball down
♪Balls on the floor,
Balls on the floor,
Lookin like a fool,
with your balls on the floor.♫
*squeeze*
*snorkroffle*
*squeeziethestarfishy*
I’m Free, Free Ballin!
I don’t know how to make the little music notes…
Cut and paste from other comments.
♫
See?
Or…
Alt+13= ♪
Alt+14= ♫
Fail peeps are so helpful
Yertle would be a good name for a baby turtle. If you have two of them, Slowpoke and Fastpoke.
Thanks for the ideas, Avis. Looking for something to use here on Failblog. “Slowpoke” is probably just suggestive enough to get me in trouble.
Suggestive names don’t get your comments locked into moderation here like they do on ICHC.
Also isn’t there some commercial featuring a turtle couple called the “Slowskies”? I don’t remember their first names.
I was thinking more of the ribbing I might take from some of the other posters.
I’m not familiar with the Slowskies, but I’ll check it out.
I’m fond of “Turkle” myself.
I think George is a suitable turtle name. I knew a turtle named George once. He worked for the United States Postal Service.
Eh, chances are you won’t encounter too much ribbing from such a name… unless you really are one.
A turkle!
One good thing about Turkle is I don’t feel like I’m stealing from Dr. Seuss.
*no more smileys – allotment for today is used up*
Thanks for the assist. Do you and Avis often get to name new failers?
Noop. Sometimes we make suggestions, and I think you’re the second or third person to ask for help with a name. It doesn’t happen that often, but we like it when it does!
*offers a cookie*
Whoops! Should have refreshed.
Yum. Cookies.
Welcome! May I recommend a swing by failpeep(dot)wordpress(dot)com? It’s a great place to learn how things work around here!
Thank you for the welcome!
I’ve seen references to the failpeep’s blog before and checked it out. While I will NEVER be able to get all of the inside jokes, I think I’ve learned enough etiquette to keep myself out of the doghouse.
Now, if I can stay under the radar while posting at work, I’m in there!
Work? Who does work around here?
*goes back to drawing*
Won’t be me for much longer. I’m outta here in 15.
Lucky! I’m stuck in my personal hell for another hour. And people are starting to look at me weird today. I can’t stop giggling!
Whoops! Gotta go! Have a great evening and thanks again.
Howw about Cuff and Link if you have 2 baby turtles.
So…after all that…I went with Mabel.
That’s scute.
Or do what I do and look up the HTML codes … each and every time.
ht tp://webdesign.about.com/od/localization/l/blhtmlcodes-punc.htm
It’s not easy being brain dead.
Thanks guys! Failpeeps are the best!
Or, you just enter charmap at the perform(right translation? I mean that skew box-button)-button
But you gotta use the numeric keypad (generally) found on the right hand side of the keyboard.. The numbers at the top of the keyboard won’t work.
The goods are odd.
Well, fine. I’ll take my goodies elsewhere then. No cookies for you!
They should at least hand out door prizes.
Why would they give a door a prizes?
because he shakes hands with everybody
I have enough doors, thank you. I don’t need another.
I keep reading this as “The gods are odd.”
Well, that too.
The gods must be crazy.
*bonks ZA on the head with an empty Coke bottle*
Will you quit throwin’ coke bottles around?!
*throws coke bottle off the edge of the world*
*picks up coke bottle with birdie feet and flies up the cliff*
Here, you dropped this.
Littering is bad.
RAWHIDE!!!
Move in, now move out
in’, 
in’, 
in’, 
in’ (what)
in’, 
in’, 
in’, 
in’ (come on)
in’, 
in’, 
in’, 
in’ (yeah)
in’, 
in’, 
in’, 
in’
Hands up now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what ya gonna do now
Breathe in, now breathe out
Hands up now hands down
Back up, back up
Tell me what ya gonna do now
Keep
Keep
Keep
Keep
Gulp – is that a S-E-X song?
*sends JazzyGirl to the naughty barn*
*grumble grumble*
You know that the naughty barn is where you get to BE naughty, not where you get sent when you have been, right?
NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woo Hoo!!!!
*Turns up radio*
*Plays Dragons song*
*dances like a fool!!!!!*
*invites all to join in!!!*
Is that by the FOOM Fighters?
That’s just how we
here.
*
in’ IGL*
Is that The Undertaker I hear?
I think the machine is sick of blue balls mostly
Mr. Moose is on the loose.
The captain will be hopping mad.
You’re really dating yourself, Admiral. But, by recognizing your reference, I am, too.
He’s got
genes.
Now we know how old the fuzz is, too.
Oh well, back to the Magic Drawing board.
Ah, but I have the Magic Mirror!
Ooohhh! Who do you see?
The bluest one of all…
I see Mr. Baxter!
*holds up magic mirror*
Romper bomper, stomper boo, tell me tell me, tell me do. Magic mirror, tell me today, did all my friends have fun at play?
*skips by licking lollipop*
What are you old farts talking about?
SEEEE!!!!??? Brave!
I’m feeling frisky today.
*frisks Ms B*
Ah-HAH!!! A can of Friskies for Failers!
I love the commercial…I laughed at the remix:
youtube.com/watch?v=En4tpKt_x7g
They never ever saw me in the magic mirror.
Me too NS.
*squeeze*
I hope you at least bought yourself flowers!
*fliesawaywithaquickness*
I did. Daffydills. I know what I like.
Those are blooming right now in the easement planters along he sides of the sidewalks here! It’s over 70 degrees and GORGEOUS!!!!!!
*sigh*
*sticks tongue out at Avis*
It’ll only last a few days. And it WILL snow in April. It always does.
Ironic that it’s a Polish Lottery.
The lotto machine could use some polishing.
…with floor wax.
*puts on oversized shirt and socks*
*turns stereo up*
*slides into room on sockfeet*
WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!—*THUD!*
Brilliant!
Uh, not the thud, part…the clever movie tie-in part.
*thunderous applause*
How many times do we have to tell you, AA: don’t use Murphy’s Oil soap on the floor!
It wasn’t me this time! Someone used it as a dessert topping. See, here’s the proof…
*points*
Dragon slipped on appeal to probability.
Well … if people wouldn’t just toss peels about willy-nilly.
*peals of laughter*
Well, you might have warned me. I’d have packed my pot of woad.
I’m a Steed!
I went to school with a guy named Steed. He was a horse of a guy.
An admiring Admiral makes an eminent Emma mate.
Ohhhhh…it was Polish? Then it’s an Epic Fail.
For the video impaired, here is my interpretive dance of the fail.
*struts to a clear box,
pulls a lever and several color balls fall down.*
*twirls, and acts like blowing on the balls as someone turns on the machine in the clear box*
Unexpectly the back opens and the balls fly out, as I make a waving motion with my body.
*lays flat on the floor with the balls. In time to duck under the overpass the flys thru*
Thank you, thank you. *bows*
Bravo! Bravo!
That.Was.Magnificent! The twirling part was my favorite.
*gives standing ovation and throws roses*
Trust me – lawyers don’t throw roses – they throw fits.
*wedges a “hissy” between “throw” and “fits”*
…Just my personal experience.
*gives Dragon a wedgie*
*runsforherlifewithaquickness*
*giggles maniacally*
You are very brave!
*enrolls Ms B in witness protection program*
Hah-HAH!! The joke’s on you! I’m not even wearing underwear!!
*all activity stops*
*crickets*
Ummm…nemmind. *runsawayafterMsBwithaquickness*
*ROFLMAO!!!!!*
Then what exactly did Ms B wedge??
A hissy. Weren’t you paying attention?
How does one do that to a dragon? Pull on the scales?
*snork*
Can someone please translate this xD
*runs screaming from room*
*runs after Ms B with “Cease and Desist” notice*
*drops internets behind her and keeps running*
*shouts thanks and runs back to office*
*receptionist shuts and locks door before lawyer returns*
*party ensues*
Rough day with your lawyer pals today, Judy?
*gets out his Swedish/English dictionary*
*hits play on video*
*concentrates furiously*
*gives up and goes to buy a lottery ticket*
“this” is “tento” in Czech, “cette” in French, “dieser” in German, “este” in Portuguese and “esta” in Spanish. If you want it in another language, either be more specific or try translate.google.com.
What’s the problem? the winning numbers are the ones that weren’t spit out of the machine! xD
Those are my numbers because I didn’t buy a ticket.
Hahaaaa, yes, yes they are
*assesses situation and begins to panic*
“uh…um….B4!”
Did you hear? Somebody lost an eye at bingo last week.
I lost an I at Bingo. I64.
Finds I-64
*yells “Bingo!”*
Why do you have that map?
My friends,
Is everyone else being subjected to those obnoxious anti-bacterial advertisements?
The truth is, anti-bacterial soaps are no better than regular soaps, and perhaps quite harmful. Ever hear about “super-bugs”? Those are caused by antibiotics. When a company claims that their soaps kill ((% of germs (Bacteria) why do you suppose that the 1 % survive? Because the 1% are genetically resistant to antibiotics. Because they are the only ones to survive, the genetically resistant strains of bacteria quickly reproduce and make up a larger and larger proportion of the next generation. A family using anti-bacterial soaps is actually creating very dangerous bacterial colonies that are anti-biotic resistant.
Do not believe the claims made by those companies.
Fail-blog needs to make money like everyone else, but stay informed about what’s being marketed to you.
don’t take my word for it. Look it up.
*blinks*
This takes pedant trolling to a whole new level.
I’m pretty sure that was meant to be helpful. And maybe it was for some?
I’m sure it was, for some.
Maybe we should put an AdBlock Plus advertisement up, eh?
How about we include that on the failpeeps site?
(My apologies for not being more active there.)
Maybe a blurb about how AdBlock can be a nice thing to have?
Done! I added it to the Faqquity-Faq page.
Cool! I wish my computer could handle another application. It is currently dangerously close to being out of “room”.
*headdesk*
*facepalmplant*
*wonders if Obi’s last name is Wan*
*seriously doubts it*
It would be Kenobi. Juan is his middle name.
I stand corrected…the Force wasn’t with me…
I love how she ends with “Very sorry, we’ve got a technical problem.”
You know what’s the best? THAT I UPLOADED IT FIRST AND SOMEONE REUPLOADED IT.
http://cheezburger.com/View.aspx?aid=2941953
Translated after the terrible disaster.
- Uhhm… I’m sorry… we got a technical problems…
Should any of you not speak Polish, here’s a more-or-less correct translation:
“And now here goes the Your Lucky Number lottery.”
“In the lottery machine there are forty balls distributed from 1 to 35. The drawing chamber is empty. Valves release. ”
“We will now draw four numbers.”
“I’m terribly sorry, uh… we have, uhm… sort of a technical issue…”
Are 5 of the numbers repeated then?
Yes, I put each of the numbers I picked in there, too. Doubles my chances.
Thanks for the translation, Lorens.
The balls are inert.
You don’t have to be so animated about it.
Sorry, I’m just getting static. Could you repeat that, please?
*sigh*
He probably just doesn’t have the energy.
She’s no Yolanda Vega.
Oh how I love her. You must pronounce her name with the correct emphasis – YoLANda VEga!
For the Stockholm lottery, I am InGEborg PAAAYYYterson!
This lady has lost her marbles.
And she can’t possibly remember how to fly without them.
Haha Yay Polish tv
My country, my country
go, Poland, go!
Rozwaliwosie. haha.
I LOLed. Good show!
My nubers just fail out!
Spelling nub?
Hey all.
Just wanted to put in a message that I HAVE MADE HOUSE/LAND/ROOM/BED/MOST IMPORTANTLY HOME fall. It is only a matter of unpacking but thursday(tomorrow) is my last day in the hotel. I will be at home finally. Love ya all.
*SQUEEZE*
CONGRATS!!! That’s GOT to feel good!
Woohoo, Emp!!! What a relief, I’m sure…
Great news!
Lot of fail.
Aargh, read the comments you idjut!
Aww, you’ll bounce back!
♬ I’m a superball. ♬
That seems to be our lot in life.
Eh? What did you say about Lot’s wife?? After all, I’m just an old fart and can’t hear very well. :p
*points and laughs*
*a lot*
That’s still going to be a blot on your record.
I’ll take that with a pillar of salt.
All I can say is, Don’t look back. Just keep going forward.
New balls please!
polish fail much?
Polish and polish are two of those words, like closer and closer, that are spelled exactly the same but are pronounced differently and mean completely different things. Don’t you love English?
Warning! Cloral’s post contains homographic content and may be unsuitable for some audiences.
Dear lord, homography?! Won’t someone think of the children? Anyone?
Look at what it’s lead too! If only people were more well red this sort of thing wouldn’t happen.
It just can’t beet a good homegrown education.
You misspelled edukation.
I looked up homography on Wikipedia because I was bored. On the page for it they have a Venn diagram of spelling, meaning, and pronunciation. One of the overlaps is words that are spelled the same and mean the same thing, but are pronounced differently. The given example was ‘about -> aboot’. That made me laugh.
♫♪ You are now in the Off-Topic Lounge ♫♪
Fail day for me, so a round for everybody. I missed for three places the chance to get into the Mathematics team that would represent our country to this coming worlwide math olympiad. Oh well those 4 team selection tests were fun
Math tests were fun?
LIES!!!!!!!!!!!!
Math is my personal hell.
Ditto. Curse you, quadratic graphs. CURSE YOU!!!
*shakes fist angrily at graph*
*tries to remember what a quadratic graph even is*
*fails miserably*
I was an art major. And excelled in reading comprehension. NOT MATH.
Proofs were always my problem. I still can’t do ‘em! And I’m perfectly happy without such knowledge in my life.
Oh geometry was a snap! Proofs were easy, algebraic equations did me in nearly every time!
Calculus was my downfall.
Proofs were what kicked my butt…the first year. The second time around they were a snap.
PROVE IT!
Maybe you’ll remember if I say Parabola – funky names tend to be remembered more easily.
Also Aja, is there any webpage somewhere that has the problems of your national olympiad?
I’m having a fierce start for the next year.
Woo! I got to the national olympiad but failed miserably.
Math Team=virgins till after the age of 25.
Say those who are too stupid for math.
Polska mistrzem w FAILowaniu.
Pozdrowienia !
she has a lot of balls to do something like that
For anyone wondering what she is talking about at the end,
‘Shepresham bardzow uh mamer uh pevno avalia tefnicshnow’
roughly translates to, ‘Aw, bollocks’.
Przepraszam bardzo, ale mamy pewna awarie techniczna :>
‘Im really sorry but we have a technical issue’ more or less
Well the balls are free, when are we starting on willie?
In Soviet Russia lotto plays you
Awesome! I was thinkin’ the same thing.
Sweet! I was already wondering why nobody came up with it before me. Let’s both hope that it’s not too worn out…
In Soviet Russia the machines are falling out of a ball
it’s from Poland you ar idiot !
Looks wierd… Is this a real Lotto program?
i don’t know if they found all their balls in process of putting them back.
The lotto machine went wrong…
Yeah. Been there, done that. I hate it when my balls fall out on the floor, too.
Did he die?
Maybe it’s she?
in Russia numbers pick you
it’s Poland
In America, idiots don’t learn geography.
Ok, hating, read: HATING, the noisy advertisements playing in the top left hand corner that I can’t mute or close.
it was few years ago in Poland
This language does not commpute.
Gonna think twice about getting a polish plumber
you’ll win for sure
)
Chociaż znam angielski napiszę to po polsku z wiadomo jakich przyczyn. Wkurzacie mnie ludzie. Nie cierpię tego kraju ale jednak śmianie się z kraju, którego nawet nie znacie jest żałośne!! To, że urodziliście się w USA nie znaczy, że jesteście lepsi. Tak w ogóle to może 2 czy 3 fail na Failblog.org a 90% jest z USA.
I know English quite well but I’ve wroten it in polish becaus of some reasons.
Translate it if you want
and I am Dirty Harry
FAIL
Welcome in Poland again
Does everyboy win?
This video is frigging ancient…
hahaha =)) i think is in bulgaria
Downgrade in technology, it should work. Until then, epic fail.
EPIC FAIL XD XP LOL
Nice blog
Super nice blog