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Cheezburger Company Blog
firs to fail?
yes, congrats on being a weener!
*snoffle*
“WEENER!!!!”
Snoffle?
Yes. Snoffle.
And in the morning, I’m making snoffles!
Those go pretty well with parfaits!
Don’t you mean, *snarfaits* wow, that was terrible.
*SNORK!!*
♪Come along with Snorks.♪
♪Swim along with Snorks.♪
♪So much to see waiting for you and me.♪
♪Have some fun with the Snorks.♪
O_o
oh gawd
What? You more of a Smurf fan? Perhaps Gummi Bears? Fraggles? I’m selling them all cheap. Let me know. I’ll hook you up. You want some Thundercats, that’s gonna cost you.
GOOGLE: WEDDING DRESS FAIL
I think I still have some Snorks keychains. This whistle actually works too!
Want!
The Snoffleberries taste like Snoffleberries!
He also has incredibly poor grammar, but then what would you expect?
neither one of us buy it…
If he wasn’t keeping his brain in his pants he’d realize that 1=1 not 1>1 so is should be:
neither one of us buys it
The fact that they even care proves they carry their brains in their pants!
Total win
It Is A Total Win!
Total Ween(er)!
HAHAAH nice.
YES!
you took the words right out of my mouth
That sounds like an easy $50. Just to look…I’d do it.
I’ll bet you $50 the easy part is not the hardest part.
Heads, I win. Tails, you lose.
I bet you $50 that you won’t give me $100.
*gives FLB $100*
Wha? I’m gullible like that.
…and here’s your 50…
Done and done!
Are you an engineer, Feisty?
How did I miss that Olympic event?
Because it’s a summer event, not a winter one… in the winter it would be way too painful. WAAAAAY too painful.
It would be the only sport in the Winter Olympics that everyone would lose!
2012 London.
Black pudding isn’t the only sausage you’ll see.
It has to be a winter sport because the cold causes shrinkage; pulling on it creates heat, which creates expansion.
Or so I am told.
As painful as snowboarding in the summer?
Cant they just measure them!?
I believe they’ve tried.
I’d !magine it went something like thus:
“…3mm”
“Ha! Mine’s 4mm”
“Oh wait, I re-measured… 5mm.”
“Let me just re-check, oh yes, 6mm.”
etc.
etc.
etblodycetera.
I don’t know if you’re right about that, but I’m sure you’re right about the unit of measurement.
Five dollar, five dollar foot looooonnggggg.
Could not be left unsaid.
Man, you have one cheap sausage there.
FAIL. it is five, five dollar, five dollar foot long. (see there its 3 times)
*Holds nose*
I fink is blody…
funny?
Glad you think so
Sounds like a competition to be a silly millimeter longer.
Oh wait, that was done years ago (if anyone here was around at the time).
don’t hedge on your opinion, terry.
Thank you, I’m glad somebody got it. Of course the young’uns have no idea what we’re talking about.
It’s Ben-son time since I heard that commercial
k I’ll bite…what’s this about?
“um, er,….Get the paper towels!”
*squeeze*
What are doing posting on this silly fail, ns?
Uh, can someone explain what *squeeze* means on the FailBlog comments?
It’s like a hug. If you don’t know someone it’s best to add a question mark inside that last asterisk, or wait ’til you know them enough to do so.
like so. . .
*squeeziesAvis*
*pokes*
*pays*
*runsawaywithaquickness*
*grabs DITH in a feathery squeeze before she can get too far away!*
I have nothing against silliness!
Rulers only measure in inches and centimeters. Ya can’t measure a punis with a ruler because the measurements aren’t that small.
Punis vs Weenis.
Well, I don’t know about you, but EVERY metric ruler I have seen in my (admittedly short) lifetime has had millimeter markings on it (the imperial ones all have fractions of an inch).
Sounds like a job for…
Someone else.
Amen.
Those 50$ will be uselful for the AIDS test…
Some dude couple thousand years ago had this same problem…he went and invented the ruler.
Apparently they don’t have rulers in Western Canada. (A meterstick is clearly not necessary — if it were, these two guys wouldn’t be so concerned about it.)
This is what happens when a couple o’hose heads have too much molsen gold.
No way, take off you hoser.
To the Great White North?
Awesome. I’ve been following you guys for awhile but havent had time to comment. We might have to post a similar ad and then have the measuring go down live on our podcast hahaha
you guys??
You do realize there are a number of women here? I’m sure most of them have no interest in being measured down there. …
In MN, at least, “you guys” is the way that we pluralize you. It refers to any gender. It is hard for me to even come up with another form because I’m so used to saying “you guys”. Ummm…you all?…..How do other people say it?
The plural of “you” is “you”.
In England, “you guys” and “you all” are acceptable and “you guys” has no sexist connotations at all, except when people with little IQ and common sense get into hissy fits about it.
you might try “you’ins”, that’s the way Jethro Clampett would say it!
In Pittsburgh, it’s shortened to “yinz.” Or “yinz guys,” again not gender specific.
I’ve found that y’all works wonderfully well in most situations.
“you guys” is acceptable in some places, although for the places I’ve lived the way to pluralize “you” in slang terms in the south i, “y’all” (contraction of “you all,” but it makes you sound like someone lacking higher edumacation) and in some northern cities it’s “yunz” (which is a contraction of “you ones” without an asterisk… it’s stupid, I know). I, personally, just use “you guys” instead of “you” ’cause, honestly, saying, “Hey, you guys!” sounds a lot less intimidating than “Hey, you!”
I think that “y’all” is one of the best contractions around. It’s even PC that way!
Although I’ve left the South long ago and live in NH, I still use “y’all” as the clearly-plural form of “you” that English lacks.
If it’s politically correct, I want no part of it. ;P
They need to know which one is bigger, so they know who will be giving when they do each other.
God, just have sex and get it over with already!
. . . my thought exactally!
Whose argument stands longest, only an impartial girl can tell.
I’m pretty sure there’s an app for that.
Win.
They just don’t mention it in the commercials…
You can have fun with the Nintendo DS too. Just don’t poke to hard, the screen will crack.
-.- now you tell me.
At least your DS went out in stylus.
*rimshot*
what about wii?
You mean compare it to the remote?
only if done from a distance.
remote is more advanced than the wii!
*snoffle*
What does snoffle mean?
I think it’s a “snort” combined with rolling on the floor, laughing.
Ah. I see.
no, it means…wait…ugh i just crapped my pants for the third time today! =/
I’m pretty sure there’s a song for that.
It goes like this…
♪Does you d*ck hang low does it wobble to the floor can you tie it in a knot can you tie it in a bow can you throw it over your shoulder like a continental soldier does your d*ck hang low?♪
And that’s how it’s done…
You may have to be drawn and quartered for that earworm. It is one of the more insidious ones!
I say that mostly in jest!
(No, she doesn’t. Run far, run fast, gageima.)
*Runs far and fast*
HEY!!
Better safe than sorry…
or is it?!?!?!
“You may have to be drawn and quartered for that earworm. It is one of the more insidious ones!”
Weee aaalll live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine…
There,is that better? :^D
Yes, see spoilsport fail, below V V
So, that’s a total win. Just fyi. I just about died lahffing.
Good to know that the idiots don’t just live south of the Canadian border.
It being Vancouver, I am willing to bet weed was and is probably a high factor in this. =p
OMj!!! HAHAHAHHA
Utter fail!
did they die?
If they did, which one should be buried deeper.
…and the mystery rages on…
win
For $50, they should have her measure which one tastes better.
A man’s lack of intelligence can be measured by the stupidity of his comment. …
… or his chosen name.
A ‘s lack of a sense of humor can be measured by their insultory reaction to trivial jokes. To explain, the males are offering to pay money to someone for an activity arguably sexual in nature, thus making the responder effectively a prostitute. When hiring a prostitute, there are presumably better ways to spend $50 than implied in the request. One such activity could be oral sex, which is identified by the topically related euphemism of measuring taste. Ya jackass!
And the inches vs. centimeters debate rages on…
TYet again, Canada wins the gold. These two guys will now receive the golden vibrator as a prize for being idiots.
Now c’mon, I think as men we all know we only care about erections . . . hahahahahahaha
I’ll do it for $25, but I’ll bring a gun, shoot them both and take what’s left in their wallets…
For $75, I won’t do that.
Yo man, this is Canada, not U.S.A.
Oh yeah, so you have to figure in the exchange rate…
They could make Plaster of Paris molds, then make matching paperweights — or with two, they could be used as bookends.
hahahahaha! You’re so crafty!
Do you think these guys have the attention spans to allow the plaster to set…?
Yes.No.Maybe.
That would be a no.
I don’t know, the answer itself was quite ambigui…ooh! a birdie!
Nah, they were probably plastered when they wrote the ad.
ha!
*giggle*
They could hire Cynthia Plaster Caster to do that! Yes, she’s a real person, and yes, she casts that particular item. She even made a mold of Hendrix’s! But it broke.
Lol, I’ll take that as a “yes” then.
The mold didn’t break, the finished “product” did!
I am a veritable font of useless knowledge.
I’m just joking…. sorry.
I must remember to use smileys!!!!! I was not upset at all, merely attempting to clarify myself!!
Brings new meaning to “whammy bar.”
: D
Also. . . does Jimmy do it upside down and backwards?
No, but I’m sure he can do wonders with his teeth and tongue…
Quite obvious – yes, you were joking. Have never seen “veritable” but in jest.
Was she being charitable to Hendrix, or was he actually that, uh, er, gifted?
I thought bookends were a little behind that, underneath it if you will.
Depends on where they’re standing.
Sold pst asap
50 canadian dollar?
Better idea, get new friends. *not it*
I’ll stick with the old ones, thanks. *squeeze*
They shouldn’t be ‘sticking’ anything I think. *squeeze*
No, and I doubt they’d need a yardstick for the task, also.
Like the prices at fine restaurants,feeling the need to ask the question says something about the answer.
If you have to ask, you can’t
affordmeasure it?Or you don’t want
other peopleto know.It’s a guy thing. You wouldn’t get it.
*scoff* Girls.
You do realize that all the women are scoffing at this, don’t you?
Nice try but no.
“Nice try”-Why, thank you!
“But no”-And why might you say such a thing as that?
Not a girl.
*Huddles in a ball of embarrassment* How could I be so foolish?
No, I’d say LGB got it correct up there.^^ Only guys who suspect they might be small behave this way.
Nose goes!
*Sticks tip of finger upon nose*
Good thing it was you FINGER tip…
This is what locker rooms are for! The real question is: are they showers or growers?
Yes.
* cough *
Okay, now cough again…
*sneeze*
It sounds completely retarded, but at least you realize that.
We will let s’error palin be the judge of that. …
All too true…
I know, I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw it with a meter stick and I was like, “What the hell are you doing!?”
♫It’s in the way you use it
It comes and it goes.♫
For an extra $20 they’d both get a happy ending after I measure.
Your price scale seems a big skewed. If they’re willing to pay $50 just for a no-touch look at both, I think you can uh, squeeze out, so to speak, at least an extra $50 each to finish the job.
yeah, if you’re willing to give a happy ending for 20$, I guess its a fail too.
As long as she doesn’t say “mine is bigger”.
Of course, she might ask, “Is it in yet?”
Or, if you are VERY unlucky, “What is that??!?”
Or unluckiest “How long is what?”
LOLA!
Kinky!
Are they measuring length, or … um… girth?
lg = v
So both.
Run that by me again? I don’t really understand.
Length x Girth = Volume
*facepalm* I shoulda known!!!
I never was any good with math, or equations of any sort.
*pat on the back* it’s ok, son. I have the same problem, I got a D on my math test last week. We all make mistakes.
*ahem*
In the interest of future misunderstandings, I am a woman. And 35 years old.
I just never did too well with math.
I suppose that should read “In the interest of AVOIDING future misunderstandings…”
*sigh*
It’s been an odd day.
ahaha, I just caught that.
I hear you Avis…
And possibly a few felonies.
This is one of the interesting parts about the ‘net. You never really know who you’re talking to.
Yep.
Actually, length x girth = surface area. For volume, you need the cross-sectional area. And a meat cleaver.
BANG
good point.
(Maybe they are interested in surface area)
But its assuming that its a perfect cylender.
For volume, the archemedes method never fails .. but they’ll have to be perfectly horizontal to do that.. beats me how these two clowns will manage it.
they have to let the girlfriends mark the bottom and tip of it and then push it both against a piece of paper then they can compare
ask your moms
I usually don’t comment but..
WTF!? XD
Sounds to me like they’re just splitting hairs.
Maybe they’re just needling each other.
or multi threading
For two guys who don’t want to look at each others’ penii, they sure spent a lot of time thinking of them…..
oh i would have done that for free
In the words of my 6th grade math teacher “It’s not about quantity, it’s about quality.”
Those are words to live by. Take them to heart!
When having a strange woman check your junk, tell her to account for “the shrinkage”.
Also….
….Make sure she is hot. This tends to help for some reason.
I was in the pool!! I WAS IN THE POOL!!!
I would do it for a can of coke.
A new answer to the universal question, “What would you do for a Klondike Bar?”
Would you stand on one leg?
Would you act like a monkey?
…Would you kill a man?
…would you drink acerglyn?
Hey…..I would!
Just out of curiosity what is Acerglyn?
Sort of a maple mead.
done.
easiest $50 I ever made.
I bet I can get a blind man to do it.
*waves temporarily bye-bye to the Failpeeps*
I’ll be gone on vacation all next week without much internet access. See you all on the 15th (or possibly the weekend before).
Awww…we’ll miss you!
Have an absolutely wonderful time, sweets! *squeeze*
I may check in on FB2 this evening, but I can’t guarantee anything. I still have to go to PetSmart for pet supplies, and then I have to pack.
We will have a great time, though.
*squeeze*
Safe travels. Have a blast, NS! *squeeze*
*SQUEEZE!!!!*
*SQUEEZE*
I shan’t be responding to any more squeezes right now — gotta leave work.
*squeezesforallthefailpeeps*
it appears…*puts sunglasses on*…that we need to see how they measure up.
YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Measuring with a yardstick, a ruler or whatever is not precise enough. Stick with the water displacement method. Archimedes.
I’ll do it for $40
I guess the guys just fancy each other, so they are afraid to start measuring without getting a hard one cause then it would go like this:
Oh mine is 10cm, hey mine is 12, oh mine now is 14, no watch mine its almost 16 now, etc.
didn’t you mean mm?
EPIC
If some girl answers to the ad, that’s a total win to me.
Obviously. It’s your ad.
The Guinness world records is a way to go for settling arguments
So what happens when she looks at you both and finds you’re both inadequate?
Only dumb homophobic men care about who has the bigger boy, yet are too terrified to verify on their own. My experiences are exactly opposite. Saw my friends’ junk enough times in college that I could draw them from memory. Yet I can’t ever remember any concern over size. I don’t know. Help me out here. Are all Canadians this homophobic?
The answer to your question should be obvious. Let me answer with another question: are all Americans morons? Are all English obsessed with tea? Are all Arabs out to destroy the world? No, no and no. Generalisations are ALWAYS wrong (including this one
).
cut off and put on the table
take a pic next to a ruler.
They probably don’t want to see each others members because they’re afraid of catching The Gay.
You can catch it now?
i. c. wiener
Easy 50 bucks.
This scheme is bound to fail. They’ll suspect each other to have bribed the woman.
Well, not each other. The loser will suspect the winner, me little silly.
See, what they need to do is get naked and walk towards one another. Whoever touches the other guy’s belly first wins. And they can look up if they don’t want to see.
What, you never did that?
why the hell does he want to know it?
Total fail. Is it self-perverting?
You see this ladies? This is what you’ve pushed us to.
I’m guessing you’re probably already aware of this… but there’s a song about that.
Yep, I only steal from the best.
man these comments suck
american dollars?
Why not buying a ruler?
I bet that they only actually paid 1 dollar for the girls to measure their “one dollar, inch-long”
OMG if you really have to know so bad just whip them out and move on
Is it really that hard?
(lol… that’s what she said)
It doesn’t seem to matter to either of the girlfriends. Tape mesure size isn’t the criterion for being able to give pleasure. Stop reading spam ads.
I can’t believe that no-one else mentioned this, but…
There is no way that someone this juvenile has a girlfriend. Let alone TWO people. Seriously, does anyone over the age of 14 care about this shit?
That’s gonna be a hard sell.
this is a fail!
I get it…….. Last sentence on the first paragraph, the was, was supposed to be want. Cheers For Me