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Cheezburger Company Blog
Her secret’s out.
brown chicken brown cow!
Sex in the Country?
You’re back! Yay!
LGB asked me so nicely, how could I refuse? I just fell out of it for a while. We’ll see how often I can maintain two FBs, though.
I see. In that case I’m glad I didn’t yell at you and threatened you until you come back.
I cry when I hear loud scorn.
Wait ’till the camera is ready.
In 3…8…ELEBENTY!!1..go!
*runs into wall*
OW
That wasn’t what you wanted, was it?
Yes. Do it again.
*tapes pillows to walls at head height*
Is that with the man standing or on his back?
Yes.
*nods sagely*
*smoochonacheek*
Will you always do everything I ask, if I ask you nicely?
Even if you ask loudly.
Uh oh!
Not this again.
I can’t watch. Tell me what happens.
Have you been Madeli
eg in a Train?It’s not so funny without the ‘n’.
No, but it’s hilarious without the ‘ex’.
She did not meet your expectations?
It was a bad experience.
First time always is.
There’s an extra post in this run.
Exactly what I thought
Exactly what I meant to say but missed it.
*ExtraSorrySqueezies*
What else did you expect?
An explosion (where the cool main character walks away slowly without looking back) – IF there’s money in the budget for it.
*exalts*
A likely explanation..
Now you’re just exaggerating.
No, I was just derailed for a while.
Hopefully not in a tunnel?
…is like warm apple pie without a slice of cheese?
no. like a pool without water. you can still use it, but it isnt as much fun with it.
Second that
….and that is news!
It was also dark and off-color.
Well, she does go to school in a convent.
Is it just me, or does she look like she practices kissing with a tree?
SUPERSTAR!!!
*shoves hands under her arms and runs away*
*snork*
Just you, bro.
Really, but I had a nice piece of ash ready.
*puts wood away*
Oh, Jules — you’re so knotty!
*squeeze*
I know.
*makes plans to nail some brazilian cherry on his basement floor*
Oh dear, you and your “alternative” lifestyle.
*snickers to herself in a private adolescent sex joke involving wood*
*square dances around DeapInThe Heart*
You’re such a peach.
‘k
*phones news desk*
Knickers.
Hmmmmm BG, what do we do now?
Ummmm, record it and sell it. Foooooming Gone Wild?
*sulks*
But I like my hair.
I guess it is friday and before V-day.
*removes everything flammable*
Vaj day?
Vasectomy day?
Valkyrie day?
Vulcan Day?
Volcano Day?
Valhalla day?
Valance day!
V for vendetta
How horrifying!
That’s what I heard.
Why does that make you cry?
Two girls one cup, enough said.
*screams*
*runs*
*pays GBF for rights to do so*
1man1jar dot com
just saying
*rocks in corner*
My sister showed me that. Noooooo.
Whats, in the jar? Comon what’s in the jar!?
Can’t be any worse than 1 Jar Jar, 3 movies.
(Apologies to Leila for the inside joke.)
*snork*
Apology accepted.
*hopes LGB doesn’t see MRN’s post*
Too late.
Now, Leila. Really. You’re being obstinant for no reason. Standing on principle is keeping you from experiencing a full life…
I don’t wanna!
You can’t make me.
*runs*
What if I sweeten the deal with an invite to Hawaii?
Dammit Ms B!!!!
*is totally considering now*
Are you putting in me in the same bag as you will Brewski?
Oh, sweetie, you’re small enough to count as carry-on!
*snork*
Leila, if it’s any consolation, I have flatly refused to see “Titanic”. If you don’t wanna, you don’t hafta.
Titanic is on my list of “NEVER TO WATCH”.
How does your heart go on without it?
No Titanic for me either. What’s the point? I already know how it ends.
I suffered through it. That’s 2+ hours of my life I’ll never get back. It didn’t deserve all the awards it got that year.
Well, my heart can go on without that coma-inducing song…
Sorry, my wife and I will try to be more quiet next time
Are you both called Brian?
That’s our breaking news for tonight. Back to you Chad.
I thought that was the weather report.
It is. It dampens your spirits somewhat.
Her judgement seems a bit cloudy.
Hail, she just needs a little love.
…From her own livingroom!
Damn volume switch!
Sorry, Ill try to be more quiet next time
this is a hardcore fail
Just watch out for Vin Diesel.
Triple X fail?
Ding ding!
I got it
*squishysqueezes*
*LoudSqueeze*
*giggles quietly*
You know me – I usually avoid to talk about the fail too much. But this one… Brilliant, isn’t it? The caption, her terrifyed look. Perfect.
Desperation maybe?
*shrugs*
Idk guys, she looks kinda pr0n-atized.
Come on, you know you want to say it. Just admit you think this is a Win.
Say it!
Say it!
Say it!
Nooooo. She fails hard.
You can’t rise to the occasion?
*stiff-les a snork*
Poor horse.
This fail’s all wet.
I know what you mean. Most of the time it are the little details that crack me up. On the voting page there is a wheelie fail. The scarf in the other guy’s face and the flying shoe at the end did it for me.
My technician can beat up your technician any time!
Your technician is a whore.
My technician tells me you’re having a déja vu.
It’s a friday rewind.
copy cat
Was it a black cat?
DVDA?
Better not, with the price of BaconLube being what it is.
Are you buying up shares?
With Valentine’s Day and Mardi Gras being two days apart, it seemed like a sure thing.
How many p(o)ints are you up then?
Let’s just say there’s no room in the hall closet to hang coats.
So instead you have coatings, nice!
Is it crunchy? I won’t eat it if it’s not crunchy…
Lube….only crunch in circumstances you do NOT want to think about.
*dropkicks ‘y’ into post to finish crunchy*
Well, you know how Frisky that Thomas is.
Have you been stalking me on facebook again?
Some call it stalking, some say following your every move, me, well the bedroom shrine is coming along nicely!
So if I put a picture of your shrine to me in my shrine to you does the world implode in a recursive black hole?
Maybe, but it could depend on wether anyone has reversed polarity on the space time continuum today yet.
Is that what that light switch is for in my kitchen.
I thought it was there for display. It never seems to turn anything on or off.
Doesn’t the guy two floors down call you every time you play with that switch and say “Stop it!”
Um — that’s not a switch.
HAHAHAHA!!!
Ohhhh, I had one of those! Turns out it was the reality switch for my head. I set it to off.
I think thats what they call a bunch of guys in a row….not sure though might want to ask AE for more information.
Did you men guys as in men or just people. ‘Cause train is what you call either gender in a row…that’s what I read….
~Oh, yeah read.~
What did I do with that picture from the other weekend?
Ummm, that wasn’t me! They are all wearing masks! Even though Cheri said it wouldn’t get leaked and I told her….:opps:
*hides mask*
You spelled ‘need’ wrong.
That’s her stage name.
she’s riding coach?
what’s that at the end of the tunnel?
Women’s hygiene needs.
♪ I hear the train a comin’. It’s rollin’ ’round the bend. . . ♪
♫Leaving, on a midnight train into Georgia♫
♪ Well the Illinois Central
And the Southern Central Freight
Gotta keep on pushin’ Mama
‘Cause you know they’re runnin’ late. ♪
♪ Train keeps a rollin’ ♫
♫ Train keeps a rollin’ ♫
♪ Train keeps a rollin’ all night long ♫
♪ Well, I wanna be your lover, baby,
I don’t wanna be your boss.
Don’t say I never warned you
When your train gets lost. ♪
♪ Never looking back when she’s highbolling.
She’s the daughter of a railroam man no doubt. ♪
♫ At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet ♫
♫ and a freight train running through the middle of my head ♫
Bah, drug reference moderated.
♫Switchman’s sleeping, train hundred and two is
On the wrong track and headed for you.♪
*rips out moderators jugular*
That’s a classic music reference and shouldn’t be moderated in any way. Bad zombie moderator!
That’s where they’re hooking up her caboose.
What a trainwreck!
if you don’t have a ticket
The you are going to have to lick it.
I…
Lick what?!?
The schnozberries…
The wallpaper..
They taste like schnozberries!
*Returns N*
Sorry, I was using it elsewhere…
I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can I think I can
CHOO CHOO!
Never use teeth like that
granny always removes her dentures and gums away. GO GRANNY!
I thought granny was a man, pretending he was a woman with expectations from a woman perceptive.
Gummed by granny — what a way to go!
I could think of worse ways to spend time.
Bonus points if you catch your own.
´thanks!
Looks more like a Failblog fail, how does this have anything to do with news, it shows no affiliation. Good work failblog…sike, also keep stealing from peopleofwalmart too.
Go away! You are killing my buzz.
Another case of colony collapse disorder?
*buzzes Jules*
*doesn’t say where*
*giggle* ;[
*hums with delight*
*doesn’t say why*
*squeeze*
WHAT!!?? people still use “sike?” SWEET…sike.
I was thinking the same thing! Must be Flashback Friday…
Isn’t it “psych” rather than “sike?”
Yes, sweetheart.
*pat.pat*
Only for those who have braaaiiiinnnnzzzz that can’t help plants grow.
This is just babble, NS.
And a little drama.
HOW LOUD WAS IT?!?
So loud it sounded like a Train.
Wait I though it was a train.
*gets in the back of the line*
What?
*removes earplugs*
Sorry, did you scream?
No, I was just faking.
Damn. I hate when that happens.
Wallpaper paste and a visually impaired lady/man friend?
Do I have to repeat that joke?
By all means.
http://failblog.org/2009/10/30/baseball-bat-fail/#comment-660278
Danggit, I am spoiled by lack of moderation on FB2:
ht tp://failblog.org/2009/10/30/baseball-bat-fail/#comment-660278
*snorkroffle* Forgot about that one…
Like I said, you’re why I’m back today.
The yoghurt one?
We fake cuz we want to get it over with. What is their reason?
Sports on the tele?
Oh, that’s a very good reason but how do you prove you…erm, finished?
Do you even
the comments? MRN explained.
That came out funny.
In fact, that’s what she…
This is having a snowball effect.
Phew, glad you stopped it.
I tried to fake it once, but all three of them caught me.
The thought of … No. I just. Can’t. Mushrooms don’t have sex!
Only sporadically.
Where there’s a gill, there’s a way.
It’s pretty easy once they get past the Volva.
They just mold another mushroom after their own lmage?
I’ve only needed to fake it once. It was the 3rd time that night and we had been going for awhile and I was so tried. She had been done for awhile so I figured It time to just wrap it up.
She did not notice, or really did not care.
Erm…thanks, Jules, for sharing…
Sorry, it’s a bad habit, somethimes I just don’t know where to draw the line.
you could try in the sand… with a stick.
Condoms. I’m pretty sure women don’t tend to study the condom after the event.
Madeline Train farts Loud and is torn..?
Madeline fart’s loud and tore a Train.
Poor Madeline heard a loud train
Would it be traumatic if we all called up and mad loud moaning noises over the phone. Lets record her reaction and post it to Youtube!
Way ahead of you.
I’m sure she wanted to see it too!
Why do you think she is upset?
*Inserts T*
Still funny thought.
*Yoinks extra T*
Yes, but it got the intent of the comment off track.
Everyone knows that it sounds like ‘bow-chicka-wow-wow-chicka-wow-wow’…
I thought it was Oh! Oh! OMG!!! Oh yes! YES! Yeeeeeeeeees!!! Faster, harder! Harder, faster…
Leila’s post totally made me do a spit take, congrats!
We ALL have coffee-stained monitors, sweetie!
*squeeze*
It’s even better that I was drinking “Naked”
*superdupersqueeze*
P.s. thanks for the comment on the blog its actually a class project so it should be interesting ha
I meant every word, sweetie.
I think it sounds like the new neighbors in the apartment above mine. They have a squeaky bed and he works in sets of 15.
*DITHsqueezies*
Long time no see!
*butterysqueezies*
I have no internet at home but I’m taking care of my sick aunt (who has wifi). I got snowed in with her on purpose last night. Didja know we got 12.5 inches of snow last night in Dallas???
Keep the snow there and you and I will be friends forever.
*squeeze* Good to see you again.
I thought we were already friends forever!?! It’s so interesting that I like you so much and yet you hate TX so much. I feel so good to finally be back home. Although, with all the snow, you wouldn’t recognize North Texas today.
~~~FailFriendsForever!!!~~~
*cold wet squeezies*
I thought you didn’t like me much for my lukewarm welcome the first time I made a comment about TX.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s pretty cold here. It was in the low 30s this morning (I shouldn’t complain). I am kinda upset that I can’t walk my googies in the rain.
That’s the thing about TX – you either love it or hate it. Haven’t met someone who is in between.
Um…
The use of ” ~ ~ ” means a sarcastic comment here on FB. Guess you’ve been gone a while eh?
*squeeeeeeeeeze*
I heard that! My hubby’s a truck driver and was on his was back north through Dallas last night. He sent pictures…right now, you can’t tell the difference between Dallas and Des Moines…
I had a neighbor like that some years ago. Squeaky bed and his girlfriend was a screamer. He had the room directly above mine. Judging from the noise and the frequency of the noise, he must have been good.
Or she was a very good faker.
Nah, he had a few different girlfriends over the course of the time he lived there. They were ALL screamers.
I’m a screamer.
*blushes*
Um, *sign, sign, pass*
There is a reason I keep ear plugs next to the comdoms.
But what is the sound of one hand…. errr, y’know….
Fwap huh?
*swish-swish-swish*?
*walks into room dress like a fireman*
*starts removing clothes*
*looks around*
Am I in the right place where are the cameras?
*click*
I was scrolling through, and came across a 1guy1jar reference, so I curiously looked it up. I wish I hadn’t…. >.< I'm scarred.
One of the rules of failblog, when someone mentions that something is nasty……they mean it.
Rule #1…never clickie on Granny’s clickies!
What makes it funny is that there was not clickie and they went and looked anyway.
I am MOST definitely not going to look that up!
So, that’s 1guy1jar without spaces?
I did, google lead me right to it. Poo on google
*takes virtual dump*
That wasn’t what you meant was it….
You’re supposed to do that in the 8th Hole!
*cleans*
Thanks, k@. No one else was willing. Here, go sanitize yourself now. The showers are over there ↔↕>
I am NOT cleaning that up!! Besides, it’s kinda rude to just poop anywhere you want.
*points Lissie to a potted plant*
*takes note of the plant* Next time…I’ll try not to make such a mess
Lissie you are SO cool. Getcherself an avatar and stay permanent-like:
ht tp://en.gravatar.com/
Ooooh now to find an avatar that personifies my ultimate coolness!
Yes. Well. Good luck with that.
Don’t over do it Lissie. Coolness is not forced around here.
It’s forced for me, I’m trying soooo hard to convince myself of it I put it in my name.
Don’t try. Just be. You are. Anything you want to be.
*standing ovation*
It sounds like it is being forced upon the failpeeps to me.
No one is as cool as I am.
I hear meese have big pensis.
Yes.
Ooh, I saw that pic.
*licks lips*
I don’t know, I only have one.
And it’s detachable.
“Sometimes when I get really nervous, I put my hands under my arms like this…….. And then I smell ‘em.”
:[ Will one of you please tell me to go and do some work? ]:
But I don’t want too.
*sniff
Nope. Not gonna happen. Stay here and play!
*sigh* Very well then.
*prints thread to show boss reason for not getting anything done*
Cuddle Puddle? or do we wait for Judy?
Is your migraine gone, Leila? If not, you could bl@me your lack of productivity on your migraine.
I believe that’s my plan for the day.
It’s Friday. Lie like there’s no tomorrow.
No, I meant don’t tell your boss the truth. Get back up already.
*whines*
But my head hurts.
*pouts*
Works no fun though.
Hah hah, I don’t start work for another 6 1/2 hours!
(Wait, is that a good thing?)
Not it!
OK, not getting any work done is one thing, but it’s 12:20 here and I still haven’t had my first cup of coffee for today! back in 10-15…
You’re slow, I’m already soaking in my second tub.
Wow, I don’t think obscene anyone so whorified. Hopefully they were given explicit instructions to be genital with her.
*has a pungasm*
*explodes and shudders*
*looks for brain bits*
*keeps looking*
*can’t understand why he can’t find any*
I’m sure that they tried to coition the blow, but intercourse of seeking your own pleasure, you sometimes tramp on other peoples’ comfort.
O.O
Watch, that one will end up being the Friday rewind!
Excerp from an article by theonion dot com. Where do I sign?
Flushed with anticipation and ready to emerge from another long, cold winter, millions of Americans participated this week in the annual tradition of trimming their pubic regions in time for Valentine’s Day.
A ritual as old as time itself, this year’s pubis-shearing is expected to be among the largest in decades, with more than 20,000 tons of curly clippings predicted to fall by Feb. 14.
*made plans to manscape on Saturday*
Pretend it’s for Lunar New Year, then.
You mean…
*gasp*
…go all the way?
I’ll never think about a holiday feast with all the trimmings the same way again.
*gigglesnork*
*frantically looks for brain bleach*
*hands SuzieQ a vat of brain bleach*
*butterysqueezes*
*sees SuzieQ and is now craving a yogurt fruit smoothie*
*gulp*
Here, Leila…got a strawberry yogurt smoothie for you…
*hands Leila smoothie*
THANK YOUUUUUUUUUU!!!!
*sips strawberry smoothie thru a straw*
Thanky!!!
*uses bleach*
*Graciesqueezes*
*starts singing Mow the Lawn*
*misses Mr Cuddles*
*holds lit lighter and sways to Ms B’s singing*
*misses Mr Cuddles, too*
*misses Mr Cuddles, three*
Fore!
Ooooh chilly.
*orders sign from signage shop*
*waits two weeks*
*receives sign*
*plugs in*
*sparkle*WELCOME, LISSIE*sparkle*
*nod*
*celebrates with dance*
*wiggle dances*
20,000 TONS??
Dear lord!!!
How many people do you think they’ll need to reach that goal?
Every single living person (of the right age) living in both New York City AND L.A. at least!
There’s a right age?
*puts away scissors*
You have to HAVE the required uh…. stuff, before you can trim it.
A peanut is much more effective.
~Not speaking from experience.~
A peanut?
Do I even want to know?
Small trimmers.
Never wanted to be a goober before…
All of them.
And maybe a few more.
I have none to give.
I gave at the office.
Your spelled “orifice” wrong.
All right, what now? Donate it to charity?
:ick:
Is someone making very small private wigs for people with odd medical problems?
*pictures private hair wig*
*giggles*
*feels a bit ill*
I think they use it to stuff pillows.
Hence the phrase ‘pillow talk’.
:ick:
*waves bye-bye to her appetite*
*watches her appetite leave with NS’s*
Bye, dear! Have a good day!
They actually make those.
They’re called “merkins”. And you sooooo don’t want to know the history *ahem* behind them!
The private hair wigs that is.
*is interested*
*doesn’t say why*
*takes notes*
*poke*
*tickle*
:[
*giggle*
*giggle*
*giggle*
*giggle*
*pays*
*goes to change*
I thought it was…wait…nevermind…
*headdesk*
Somebody shoot me please.
*pours shot for Ms B*
Here, drink this, sweetie. You’ll feel much better.
*downs shot*
Yeah, that meeting was brutal. “Look, everyone, I know that we haven’t given anyone pay increases in the last two years, but we have to increase your health insurance by 20% anyway!”
Someone fix our health insurance problems, NOW!
I don’t know if not having insurance at all is better in this case.
*doesn’t have health insurance*
*also doesn’t have health insurance*
I am of the opionion that sometimes it is not worth it and is best to just not have it. I read an article that you can tell your doctor you will pay cash and they magically adjust your charges down.
Some doctors will “adjust” the cost. Some won’t. I know from experience. The surgeon who took Nick off my back did, and adjusted that cost down to half of what it would have cost otherwise!
*raises hand*
… But I’m not a screamer.
If you don’t have much valuable property (car, house), you won’t lose everything by not being insured. If you have property, I think the hospital can go after it as payment.
Then again, they can do that if you have insurance but wind up needing more care than you’re allotted.
It’s all such a mess.
*takes the shot glass*
*hands Ms B a bottle*
That’s just unfair.
I need to keep my employer supplied insurance almost literally at all costs. It’s the only way I can afford to stay on the needle junk that keeps me from being a raging, screaming in pain from rigor mortis kind of zombie.
we had to go with a different company. Aetna was going to raise mine 65% in 2010!
basically I do believe to have health insurance for my wife, kids and myself if I had stayed with aetna I would have been working for.. well health insurance and gas money to get to work
I don’t think that’s how shots work…
Body shots.
OMG her life isn’t sheltered enough!!!! CALL THE FREAKING POLICE!!!!
‘It was HORRIBLE!’ *sobsob*
This can’t be as much of a news fail as that Faux News report on Anonymous.
You know, the “Internet Hate Machine” composed of “Hackers On Steroids” who can make vans explode though SHEER FORCE OF WILL?
Is that Jessi Klein?
“Madeline Train”….isn’t that a Bruce Hornsby song?
OMG. THAT’S MY FRIEND!
for her, i’d really like this taken off of here.
I foresee this will be the only text on her tombstone.