1. His quilting square is a nice shade of green.
2. He knows how to make cool alt characters.
3. Safety.
4. His name reminds me of one of my favorite 80′s groups (Duran Duran). See? Just one vowel removed!
5. It’s easier to like someone than it is to hate them.
It’s easier to hate than to like. It’s easier to be indifferent than to hate. I’m indifferent to Doran. Of course, it could be that I’m just to lazy to feel strongly in either direction.
Hmmm… Info about Holyrood seems to be positive … “Scotland’s new Parliament sits at the foot of Edinburgh’s famous Royal Mile in front of the spectacular Holyrood Park and Salisbury Crags. Constructed from a mixture of steel, oak, and granite, the complex building has been hailed as one of the most innovative designs in Britain today.
Drawing inspiration from the surrounding landscape, the flower paintings by Charles Rennie Mackintosh and the upturned boats on the seashore, Enric Miralles, one of the world’s premier architects, developed a design that he said was a building “growing out of the land”. ”
Yes, yes, I know how to Google, my mother IS very proud!!
Hey now, a bent paper clip is my best friend. How else do you push those ridiculously small reset buttons, or retrieve a CD or DVD from a failed drive?
And there he goes, lets watch * Czuhconda crawls up on the copier* *crash* … hmm well, maybe the Czuhconda is really a bad BigAss snake … update at elebenty!
*drops cookie*
*begins to convulse*
*head begins to spin until whirwind is visible on neck*
*shoots into the sky, disappearing into the vast darkness of space*
Well, it’s probably got nothing on Avis’ current Verizon debácle, at least nobody’s trying to charge me money thanks to their own incompetence.
I’ve just been pretty down on my luck recently, and it’s all piling up, along with exam pressure and deadlines left right and centre. I may have to take some serious time-out from the blog.
I feel for you Jon. Just remember, in 10 years, you’ll hardly remember what was going on during this period. I don’t know why that’s comforting, but I read it in a book once.
Life really is full of ups and downs. Having good friends around certainly helps get through the downs, and we’re here for you when you need us.
*squeeze*
And on that note, goodbye, Failpeeps.
It may be just 2 weeks, maybe more, but don’t get me wrong…
[Ahnold] I’ll be back! [/Ahnold]
I’d just like to thank all of you for brightening my days, the regulars old and new, the passers-by, hell, even the trolls, for being such good stooges for everyone’s wit.
Don’t get me wrong, you’re ALL brilliant, but I’d especially like to thank;
BFF – for being my posh, english counterpart. I’ll never forget our pewlew games.
LGB – for being one of the first to welcome me on to the blog, and always caring and kind.
Avis – for understanding my often unique sense of humour, even when others fail to notice anything. I sincerely hope the Verizon trouble sorts itself out.
I may pop in over the next week, but I’ve got so much going on, and then I really can’t visit while I’m in France.
Well, Jon, I’m a fairly recent arrival, you (along with those you name) are among the reasons this seemed a place worth hanging about in, and like those who know you better I hope to see you back and in good form.
Leila – Marius’s Otha Sista From Another Mista says:
After being told he couldn’t find his own ass with a map and a flashlight, Dennis decided to prove them all wrong and make a map. With disastrous results.
I think I should have turned left at the hairy mole on Day 6. Have now started exploring a dense jungle area, with strange, leaf-less trees, stretching into the sky, and sometimes curling back down again.
Well, with St. Hallmark’s Day coming up, I thought I’d send my honey (non-existant) a “artistic” photo of myself. So I went to the photo booth and contorted myself into a fairly attractive (nude) position. Then I realized that all the good stuff was out of frame. So then I stood up on the little stool to do my pose. But then the booth tipped over and I rolled out of booth stark naked with developer pouring all over me and………………….long story short, I’m not allowed to go into that K-Mart anymore.
I’d send my hoard after you, but they’re sick and tired of eating the kind of “brains” that come from the part of the anatomy that typically falls through printers.
Oh for heaven’s sake. Do you realize what’s at stake? There are so many words that rhyme with fake. Make no mistake, it won’t take much to partake in this thread. It’s really a piece of cake!
Hmmm.. I do not think I know how old this clip is. Unless I look up a bit where someone tells me its 10 years old (about) … *contemplates that information* Crap — now all the funny and been drained from the video … WTF WTF??? Why would you do that to me!!???
OK — since when are ~~’s required for sarcasm?? In this blog that would mean that ~~’s would be in nearly every post. What other symbolic rules do I need to know?? **’s for actions; ~~’s for sarcasm … what else?????????
OH no!!!! Moderation has returned??? I used the dreaded i*magine word and am awaiting moderation. Last week all was good – swears aflyin everwhere… What happened?
Hey, um, boss??
Yeah?
Could you, uh, help me with the copier?
Why?
Well…I, uh, seem to have gotten my a$$ stuck…
*facepalm* I don’t want to know…
*enters room*
*ROFL*
Always knew it was gonna bite you in the a$$ one day!
We’re a little strapped cash-wise right now, but I really want to do something nice for the hubby for Valentine’s. (I know it’s a stoopit Holiday, but we like to be romantic and gushy for it.) What are some good homemade or cheap gift ideas? I’m feeling stumped.
I had a friend that did something really cool for his girlfriend one year. It was kind of a treasure hunt. He got a dozen yellow roses, which were her favorite flower, and 6 homemade cards. He left her two roses and one of the cards telling her to go to the resturant they went to on their first date, on her dashboard in her car. When she got to the resturant, the staff there had rose and another card, leading her to another place that they had special memories of, and so on, and so on. When she finally got to the last one, he had cleaned her whole house and drawn her a bath. It hadn’t cost him more than $20. It lasted most of the day. And, most importantly, it really showed that he went to a lot of effort on her behalf. I don’t know if that will help you, but it’s one of my favorite St. Hallmark’s Day Stories.
I know I’m breaking up the run, but I just checked my dictionary. It listed vamping up as a synonym for recoction.
That’s my kind of repair work!
*Snickers*
Truly? As a small child of 9 months of age, you couldn’t walk, but you still had the desire for someone to get rectally shredded? That’s a little weird, doncha think?
Not just fake, but old. I worked for Netscape.com and our marketing agency created this video as part of a viral campaign for some new online offerings we were coming out with, somewhere around 2004 or maybe ’05. There were 6 videos I believe, and this was the funniest of the bunch as I recall. It had something to do with there being other ways to goof off at work that were safer.
So yeah, it was shot professionally many years ago and the ad portions at the end cut off, and re-used over and over since then.
One of a series…
The next episode is a stapler mishap.
A red swingline, perhaps?
I would still tap that ass, he’s got enough cushion for the pushin’, you dig?
…in my garden. And I find a lot of worms and rocks and I always just kind of flick them out with my shovel…
…where they sometimes land on…
…the boiling hot cement. And at that point they’re just fried.
…and then I take a spatula and turn them over (I like them crispy on both sides)…
…then I put them on a plate and fling them into the sky…
…where often they crash into low-flying…
…butterflies, maiming their wings and causing them to…
…make a high pitch scream which..
…causes a typhoon in Japan, which…
…only dogs can hear, creating…..
…results in Origami-related product prices skyrocketing, and…
…simultaneous postings…
..which causes failblogers to..
…correct Motts’ spelling of Failbloggers…
…and a GBF clone’s head to implode, due to the incorrect grammar, while…
DW and AA contemplate their next move ….
… zombies wonder how long we can carry this never ending sentence that …
really makes no sense whatsoever….
…all started with digging in my garden!
ROFL!
Have I told you FP’s lately, that I love you? I do. Truly. You all are the best part of my day.
*squeezies3Beezies*
…and now it continues…
It’s a commercial.
“Wanna get away?”
copy me?
one man, one copier…
how do you explain it to your boss?… or wife, if ur ass is all ripped up? i’m just wondering
There have been various hypotheses formed in this regard, Ash. If you care to peruse the rest of the blog, you might glean some insight…
This just in: unemployment rate in men aged 45-50 up by 1%.
judy is a perv
Says the stalker.
Copycat!
That was a copy catasstrophe.
No ifs, ands or butts about it.
Hindsight can, indeed, be painful.
From the looks of things, it’s not always 20-20, either.
Hey, why is the copier glass broken? What the…is that blood?! and rectal hair??!! And why does it smell like charred feces in here?!?!?!
ummm… CHARRED???
Copy that wait copy that copy that.
Serves him right!
I believe it’s out of service.
Why is it that when I thought “they’ll have to call a repairman” my mind immediately added a bow-chika-bow-bow soundtrack?
I went there too. Hmmm. Not enough time in the gutter?
Or possibly too much time there!
Blasphemy!
<3 Ms B
“Blass for meeeee…blass for yooooooou…”
“…We all scream for icecre-”
oops, wrong subject.
*wants ice cream*
Sorry, your choices are cake or death.
Cake, please – Chocolate Mint Ice Cream cake, with sprinkles…. Thanks!
Well we’re out of cake. We only had 3 bits, and didn’t expect such a rush.
Chi Chi!!!
Oh all right. Lucky for you I’m Church of England!
In that case, I’ll have the chicken.
THE CAKE IS A LIE.
That thing is so overused it’s almost not funny anymore…
And he wasn’t even doing the percolator.
LOL!
Maybe he got glass up his…
They don’t make ‘em like they used to!
In my days, a copier was a copier, and it would hold two asses at once without breaking.
Hello little fish, it’s time for your three annual fish-o-gram.
*squish*
Sorry ’bout that.
Fluffy! Speak to me!
*cough cough*
*squeeze*
Whew! You’re ok! I thought you were done for!
*rushes in with emergency supply of honey straws, #1 in first aid for reinflating the squished*
1 for $1, 2 for $1, or 3 for $1
Did he …. get fired?
Maybe — but first I think he was neutered … can you spell Eunuch?
ewe en eye ex.
oh ewe see ache
Tarzan, Oh I see.
No. No, no, no.
*clears throat*
I’m Jane.
Surely that’s a FAIL, not a WIN.
Surely, it’s a win.
*facepalm*
Win or Fail…someone always complains.
Can’t they see the other side of things?
flailin’?
I wonder, if we cataloged all the complaints would there be anything left to post? Can’t post it on Fail Blog if:
If it is a Win
If it is “Old” (when is a pic or vid “old”)
If it is “fake”
If it is … what else??
If it had been posted anywhere else, ever.
If rule #34 has been invoked
If it’s been in any way touched up or ‘shopped.
If it casts any sort of negative light on the mushroom race.
*squeezesdafungusamongus*
*adds her squeeze to LGB’s for the fungi*
*throws an extra arm around LGB and squeezes*
Yup. Mushy’s a fun guy.
*puts a sawbuck on Tricholoma flavovirens equestre.*
That was pure genus AA!
I was sure some troll was going to make a speciesous remark about it!
I’d phylum in the ignore bin.
We’re like a variety act.
*squeezes*
You guys are a tough act to follow.
A hook, a hook, my kingdom for a hook!
*Squeezes*
I can see the back side.. does that count?
OooooOOOooooh! Who’s backside are we seeing today?
Can’t tell. It’s just a xerox.
Shirley, you jest.
surely u a gay
Yes, Gracie is a very happy person.
I don’t think he’ll be able to get workman’s comp for that injury.
I don’t think he’ll even try.
Uh, yeah doc, this happened at work. You see, I was trying to xerox my fat ass …
At least he won’t have to have any x-rays, or scans. He can just show the doctor the xeroxed copy.
Wonder if any glass shards got lodged where glass shards shouldn’t be lodged at.
Thankfully, he will no longer be able to reproduce.
Ditto.
I’m contemplating looking for this in the Darwin Awards.
Really? “Thankfully”? I would LOVE to date a guy that xeroxed his butt.
Gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘pain in the a$$’.
He sure made an a$$ of himself.
If there’s any justice in this world, he did.
Now he has a shard-in-A glass.
As shiraz the sun will rise in the east.
I never really understood why, but priests and zombies rarely get along.
So, you never see them in the same room together, like Superman and Clark Kent?
…wait, you mean…
Clark Kent is allergic to Superman?!
*nods somberly*
I love you Leila, but I think you may be getting a punishment for LGB’s abuse yesterday.
*sympathy squeeze*
And Clark Kent isn’t allergic to Superman. It was just a REALLY bad break up.
I thought it was a rash decision.
Dupe!
Are you having flashbacks?
or perhaps Fleshbacks?
How skintillating!
*squeeze* (Good to see ya!)
old and fake ¬¬
I know, Doran, but we like you anyway…
Do we? Let’s take a majority vote. Everyone who still likes Doran, say Aye.
*hears crickets*
Eye.I.Aye.
Who’s Doran?
He’s the guy up there ^^^^ who’s old and fake but one of us likes him anyway.
Give reasons for your liking Doran. Answer within 100 ~ 150 words, and keep your argument concise. Use examples where necessary.
Reasons I Like Doran
By LGB 2/3/10
1. His quilting square is a nice shade of green.
2. He knows how to make cool alt characters.
3. Safety.
4. His name reminds me of one of my favorite 80′s groups (Duran Duran). See? Just one vowel removed!
5. It’s easier to like someone than it is to hate them.
The End.
His square is a fake!
His square is a lie? Hang the bastard!
It’s easier to hate than to like. It’s easier to be indifferent than to hate. I’m indifferent to Doran. Of course, it could be that I’m just to lazy to feel strongly in either direction.
his quilting square is a swastika…
Righto, old chap. I personally believe that abomination doesn’t deserve the title of “building”. More “architect’s worst nightmare, in a blender”.
But your link doesn’t link to a picture, I tried.
Hmmm… Info about Holyrood seems to be positive … “Scotland’s new Parliament sits at the foot of Edinburgh’s famous Royal Mile in front of the spectacular Holyrood Park and Salisbury Crags. Constructed from a mixture of steel, oak, and granite, the complex building has been hailed as one of the most innovative designs in Britain today.
Drawing inspiration from the surrounding landscape, the flower paintings by Charles Rennie Mackintosh and the upturned boats on the seashore, Enric Miralles, one of the world’s premier architects, developed a design that he said was a building “growing out of the land”. ”
Yes, yes, I know how to Google, my mother IS very proud!!
Ok, now we know who did it, and why he did it (sort of). Now why did he get away with it.
Elsa, I was just wanted to tell him the link didn’t work.
I know … I just wanted to prove I know how to Google (and I wanted to see the building)…
Who designed that?
I have to agree it is a very strange building …
It looks like a bad attempt at mimicking Frank Ghery (or however you spell his name).
Okay, that is a disgusting building. Good to hear it was expensive.
They put that thing at the foot of the Royal Mile???
*cries*
I wonder what the prince of Wales has to say about it.
It’s the visual equivalent to fingernails scraping on on a chalkboard.
What are the things on the outside? They look like great big handgun silhouettes.
They now have something they can put a picture of under the definition of Boondoggle.
I’ve heard of breaking through glass ceilings…he’s doing it wrong.
But….but….but I still need to make copies….
*shows Judy big covered something on dusty desk*
*takes cover off to reveal mimeograph*
It still works!
I thought it was a ditto…
*sniffs air*
*feels lightheaded*
Ahhh…nothing like the smell of freshly printed ditto…
I’ll second that…………..er, I mean, DITTO!
Next on When Office Equipment Goes Bad….
Paper Shredder Claims More Victims
Followed by Three Hole Punch Punctures.
And a bent Paper Clip, with disastrous consequences.
The staple remover chomper thingie chomps your thingie …
…when a filing cabinet becomes more than just for filing…
Read the new best seller, “137 ways to kill someone with your office tape dispenser” by Ima Gechu Sukka.
*roffle*
Hey now, a bent paper clip is my best friend. How else do you push those ridiculously small reset buttons, or retrieve a CD or DVD from a failed drive?
Yes – a very helpful little guy — but you have to watch out of it will turn on you!
It looks like your writing a letter… do you need help?
And you really have to watch out when it’s been on the sauce. (clickie)
Also good for getting fur out of keyboards.
One of the reasons I do not miss mouse balls.
i gotta submit you to this same page…*prnt scrn*
He just gave himself an endoscopy.
He was looking for tubers?
His doctor will get to the bottom of things now…
GI thought he was filching office products.
He’s got a clear picture of things now…
I think he was just trying to help the priest figure out what he had “fallen” on.
Maybe that’s why the glass broke.
He just wanted to be toner.
He needs laser surgery.
He’s in a jam for sure.
He was trying to get his colon issues sorted out.
Maybe he shouldn’t load so much junk food into his diet. That should help.
Did he collate?
No but he will have to offset some of his wages to pay for new glass.
His problems are manifold.
You could zoom on a number of them.
He made a nice portrait of his problems
He left himself no margin for error.
He scanned the area for danger before beginning.
Uhh, Czuhc?
Nesting fail? You appear to be giving our pun run a quite different tone(r).
Oh. My. That was bad. Just. Bad.
*boopsCzuhcondanoseyateenybit*
“Czuhconda”, I like it. Sounds like a big badass snake.
*hushed announcer*
…and here we see the native Czuhconda in its natural environment, slithering through the blog. Be careful! That is one big, badass snake…
And there he goes, lets watch * Czuhconda crawls up on the copier* *crash* … hmm well, maybe the Czuhconda is really a bad BigAss snake … update at elebenty!
he judy its yo mama
Hmmm. Numbers boy is obsessing over Judy. Or is it a blue thing you’re all touchy over.
When Photocopiers Strike Back!
Yes, ma’am, I’ll be good.
*takes a bite*
Mmm, these sure are go-
*drops cookie*
*begins to convulse*
*head begins to spin until whirwind is visible on neck*
*shoots into the sky, disappearing into the vast darkness of space*
Leila!! Whacho do to GBF? Did you slip him Dragon drugs again?
*giggles*
I love when you are naughty. It makes me feel better about my own little wicked moments.
Photocopiers Gone Wild.
Isn’t it amazing how quick they are to remove their tops?
It appears that this copier is no longer a virgin … there will even be blood on the sheets (of paper)
One just has to wounder if he has glass stuck in his big fat ass…
One already did ^^^^^^^^^^.
Glass in the ass
oldvid is old
obtusecomment is obtuse.
miniegg is mini… and eggy.
Ovid is old. Ovum is young. Oval is middle age.
Don’t forget your Ovaltine!
My Ovaltine tends to have a sassy mouth!
obtuseangle is between 90 and 180°
Why are you being so obtuse?
Looking for some redemption?
Copy & pain.
Is there a shortcut for that?
I bet he wishes he could CTRL Z.
Cut and Paste.
It’s a digital copier…he was trying to cure his hiccups.
Judy could have helped with that.
It doesn’t look like he finds it very stimulating.
The gum massager?
We need a bigger massager.
What you mean “we”, paleface?
Ouch… It hurts only to think having broken pieces of glass embedded up one’s arse.
*nods*
Very concise, AL.
*squeeze*
Why so glum, chum?
It’s complicated.
*gets Jon cuppa*
*sits down at kitchen table and waits patiently*
Well, it’s probably got nothing on Avis’ current Verizon debácle, at least nobody’s trying to charge me money thanks to their own incompetence.
I’ve just been pretty down on my luck recently, and it’s all piling up, along with exam pressure and deadlines left right and centre. I may have to take some serious time-out from the blog.
*gives Jon good luckiest squeeze evar*
Hopefully it shouldn’t be more than a week. But then I’m in France for a week.
I feel for you Jon. Just remember, in 10 years, you’ll hardly remember what was going on during this period. I don’t know why that’s comforting, but I read it in a book once.
Life really is full of ups and downs. Having good friends around certainly helps get through the downs, and we’re here for you when you need us.
*squeeze*
Remember what’s important in life.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Repeat as necessary.
Here’s my test to see if it’s a good day.
Place two fingers on your wrist. If you feel a pulse, it’s a good day.
*tries Scott’s test*
*can’t find a pulse*
*finds pulse*
Whew!
*thankful that Gracie has a pulsating limb*
*wishes it were the fun kind*
I only wish that when I’m camping. I don’t camp much.
*Refuses to make a “pitching someone’s tent” joke*
I don’t mind when other people camp out.
And on that note, goodbye, Failpeeps.
It may be just 2 weeks, maybe more, but don’t get me wrong…
[Ahnold] I’ll be back! [/Ahnold]
I’d just like to thank all of you for brightening my days, the regulars old and new, the passers-by, hell, even the trolls, for being such good stooges for everyone’s wit.
Don’t get me wrong, you’re ALL brilliant, but I’d especially like to thank;
BFF – for being my posh, english counterpart. I’ll never forget our pewlew games.
LGB – for being one of the first to welcome me on to the blog, and always caring and kind.
Avis – for understanding my often unique sense of humour, even when others fail to notice anything. I sincerely hope the Verizon trouble sorts itself out.
I may pop in over the next week, but I’ve got so much going on, and then I really can’t visit while I’m in France.
And so I leave you with this:
*SQUEEEEEZE!*
*squeezes Jon*
*gets misty-eyed*
*Holds hat over heart*
Godspeed Jon;.
*goodlucksqueeze*
I would say “Go with God” Jon, but I know he’ll be with you. He has wonderful taste in traveling companions. Return to us refreshed and happy.
*skaaaaaweeeeeze*
*supadupatightsqueeze*
Take care! See you later!
Well, Jon, I’m a fairly recent arrival, you (along with those you name) are among the reasons this seemed a place worth hanging about in, and like those who know you better I hope to see you back and in good form.
Ùber-old, but… did copier die?
You misspelled diced.
And it’s a weird choice of dots. Ü, baby, ü!
After being told he couldn’t find his own ass with a map and a flashlight, Dennis decided to prove them all wrong and make a map. With disastrous results.
*snork!*
Day #84
I think I should have turned left at the hairy mole on Day 6. Have now started exploring a dense jungle area, with strange, leaf-less trees, stretching into the sky, and sometimes curling back down again.
Smell is getting worse every day.
:ick:
Wow Jon. Just, wow.
Feb 3, 2010,
Day #153
I made a breakthrough on my quest….and damn it hurts.
*RIGLMGFAO*
Happy to help!
copier dont win, hes dead!
That is not a win…
The copier really wanted a piece of that @s$
This post ^ does not count, sis.
Those are the kind of breakthrough ideas this company needs.
They really shouldn’t push him too hard, though.
True, then he may start to let things fall through the cracks.
And he might become the butt of many an office joke.
That would no doubt shatter his psyche.
…and ruin his reputation as a “glass is half full” kinda of guy.
*copies post*
*marks-out ‘a’*
*recopies*
Yeah, then he’d only be known for falling behind.
Everyone would assume he wasn’t interested in being getting ahead anymore.
*copies post*
*marks-out ‘being’*
*recopies*
And he doesn’t have the balls to try and change their minds.
He’d probably wind-up a down-and-out bum after that.
He didn’t realize the gravity of the situation till the aftermath.
As if security cameras record audio.
As if anyone cares
As if anyone cares that I pointed it out. Oh, wait. Apparently, you did. Thanks for caring.
Elsa Mama is a very caring person/kitteh.
Why, Thank you Gracie!!! *SQUEEZE* Perhaps with a little caring all the little Trolls can learn to just get along … if not, well I am not a saint …
Neither am I.
*squeeze*
……..and so I went into the little photo booth and …………..
and?? and??? What?? What happened in there??? I can’t tell, the security footage does nto have any audio and you pulled the curtain shut!!????
Well, with St. Hallmark’s Day coming up, I thought I’d send my honey (non-existant) a “artistic” photo of myself. So I went to the photo booth and contorted myself into a fairly attractive (nude) position. Then I realized that all the good stuff was out of frame. So then I stood up on the little stool to do my pose. But then the booth tipped over and I rolled out of booth stark naked with developer pouring all over me and………………….long story short, I’m not allowed to go into that K-Mart anymore.
Wow!! Too bad there’s no audio on security cameras.
It would have been stuck in moderation anyway.
Damn … This whole post if FAIL.
1. This is no win at all
2. It’s a commercial
3. This is FAILblog, not WINblog
*THWACKS Dirk with the shellacked mackerel*
And we care about your whiny crybaby a$$ opinion because………………………….?
Well, it did allow AVIS to vent some of her anger, and practice her THWACKING skills. So, there was some value to the post .. maybe.
Well, I guess there’s that.
Damn … ^ This whole post is FAIL.
1. He can’t spell “is”
2. It’s a troll
3. Safety
I’d send my hoard after you, but they’re sick and tired of eating the kind of “brains” that come from the part of the anatomy that typically falls through printers.
DAMN!
*erases “printers” above*
*scribbles “copiers” in place*
Don’t kill yourself over it. Oh, wait…
fail
“Hey boss, before you go looking at any security videos, I’m just going to pack up my desk and wait for my last paycheck in the mail.”
You do that.
*goes to look at security tapes*
Fake!
Snake!
Rake!
Oh for heaven’s sake. Do you realize what’s at stake? There are so many words that rhyme with fake. Make no mistake, it won’t take much to partake in this thread. It’s really a piece of cake!
Yeah! What the lil’ mushy said!
*superdupersqueeeeeze*
Fine! Be that way! I have some cookies to bake.
And I am going to go to the LAKE!
I’s sowwie, can we settle this with a handshake?
*remembers he has no hands*
aw well *squeeezesGracie&Elsa*
*mushysqueezes*
*Squeezes Mr. Mushy (not too hard)* Here, have a milkshake!!
*Remembers the no hands thing — set the SHAKE down in front of Mr. Mushy with a very long bendy straw*
Enjoy!
*wonders if EM is on the make*
I just wanted everyone to be able participate with minimal effort!! Not all run can be highly intellectual …. *rubs toe on the ground* sorry!!!
STAKE!!!
Steak?
Well, sure if want some. What cut do you like best?
Insert “you” between If and Want. Hope that did not hurt too much LGB …
It’s just a fleshwound!
*squeezesE_M*
Whew!! Thank goodness!! *Hands LGB a Bandaid* Is this one big enough?
*measures*
No. Do you have a tourniquet lying about?
Um, no… How about this headband — its kinda stretchy … Exactly do you consider a “flesh wound” LGB? Should I be calling for professionals?
Well, my ‘if’ and my ‘want’ are about to fall off. But other than that, I’m okay!
How did he explain that one?!
“Hey, boss! Come quick! Sumpin’ happened to the copy machine! The glass is all busted and junk!”
That’s Horatio Sanz from an Saturday Night Live skit about 10 years ago.
You have no idea how old this clip is.
Clearly, you are wrong.
Hmmm.. I do not think I know how old this clip is. Unless I look up a bit where someone tells me its 10 years old (about) … *contemplates that information* Crap — now all the funny and been drained from the video … WTF WTF??? Why would you do that to me!!???
*loans Elsa some ~~’s*
There ya go, honey! I think you’re missing some.
OK — since when are ~~’s required for sarcasm?? In this blog that would mean that ~~’s would be in nearly every post. What other symbolic rules do I need to know?? **’s for actions; ~~’s for sarcasm … what else?????????
We can’t swear anymore.
OH no!!!! Moderation has returned??? I used the dreaded i*magine word and am awaiting moderation. Last week all was good – swears aflyin everwhere… What happened?
Good question. One day we were free as birds, cussing and !magining up a storm and the next…
Another story for the grandchildren.
And the F bombs have been removed.
Well fuddaguck.
It’s been one of my favorites for a while now. That and Fargen Bastages.
Really? Hooray, some threads must appear empty now.
The moderator failed out of Zombie Idol.
Of course you don’t have to use them. We just use them for fun.
*squeeze*
Course that requires me to be aware that I am being sarcastic …
I firmly believe that sarcasm is more fun when it’s deliberate.
Yes, we do. And we don’t care. :p
It’s a clip from Great movements in history: The Rise and Fall of Gluteus Maximus.
*Snickers*
Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.
*Chuckles*
E tu boottae??
I wonder if the guy was able to get out of that thing without help. If not –
How would you explain that?!?
Hey, um, boss??

Yeah?
Could you, uh, help me with the copier?
Why?
Well…I, uh, seem to have gotten my a$$ stuck…
*facepalm*
I don’t want to know…
*enters room*
*ROFL*
Always knew it was gonna bite you in the a$$ one day!
Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Xerox grab and shun,
The frumious butt-a-snatch!
“What you’ve been doing back there? The picture is all blurry and there is a crack in the middle of my copies!”
A very good blog…..
Brazil in failblog.org
Alright, I could use a little advice.
We’re a little strapped cash-wise right now, but I really want to do something nice for the hubby for Valentine’s. (I know it’s a stoopit Holiday, but we like to be romantic and gushy for it.) What are some good homemade or cheap gift ideas? I’m feeling stumped.
Send the kids to a friends house and make a special dinner.
^ + give him his favorite *wink-wink-nudge-nudge*
Write him a good old fashioned love letter.
make it really mushy!
I vote for all of the above.
All of the above + bubble bath.
Did I say bubble bath? I meant baby oil.
I had a friend that did something really cool for his girlfriend one year. It was kind of a treasure hunt. He got a dozen yellow roses, which were her favorite flower, and 6 homemade cards. He left her two roses and one of the cards telling her to go to the resturant they went to on their first date, on her dashboard in her car. When she got to the resturant, the staff there had rose and another card, leading her to another place that they had special memories of, and so on, and so on. When she finally got to the last one, he had cleaned her whole house and drawn her a bath. It hadn’t cost him more than $20. It lasted most of the day. And, most importantly, it really showed that he went to a lot of effort on her behalf. I don’t know if that will help you, but it’s one of my favorite St. Hallmark’s Day Stories.
Thanks for the ideas, guys!
hahaha ouch. Broken shards of glass can’t be good for your ass.
Ya think?
Obviously not.
What are they good for?
They sparkle when the light hits them just right…
But what if they’re stuck where the sun don’t shine?
Be extra careful next time you need to pass?
You can glue them to an unactractive teenager and make him a “vampire”.
unactractive teenager (n.) – a teenager who is ugly and cannot act worth a damn. see also: the cast of Twilight
I wouldn’t say the ENTIRE cast. I like………..um……….well, there’s…………….uh, oh.
*shrugs and watches cast of Twilight burn on the pyre*
No offense to all those teeny-boppers out there, but I really don’t understand the attraction to those actors.
:blech:
Aww, let ‘em off the hook. I still can’t understand the appeal of the Corey’s and Scott Baio. Teens aren’t known for taste.
wow… that is very old stuff…
Dood! Stop looking at his stuff.
*looks at Dood’s stuff*
:bleah:
*looks at Marius’ stuff*
*wolf whistles*
What?! What?! What are we all looking at?!
*peers over Gracie’s shoulders*

*walks away, confused and traumatised*
Efin’ hospital gowns.
I kinda like ‘em!
Is it the breeze, Gracie?
Well, Marius wears his backward — which means of course his frontwards is all exposed…. Yes, yes, wolf whistles are in order *goes to look for a wolf*
*Concocts cover-up*
to cover up your cocts?
*
@ the plural*
You got that text too Dragon?
In case recoction is necessary.
I know I’m breaking up the run, but I just checked my dictionary. It listed vamping up as a synonym for recoction.
That’s my kind of repair work!
*Snickers*
Yes. I have an inherent fear of being decoct.
I would be more afraid of being con-coct-ed. I hear prison is no fun.
Everyone’s hot on your coccyx.
Hmmm… I thought we were focusing on his front side …
I know I am!
*click*
May I please have a copy of that?
This picture is fallacious!
Nope. The view.
Brilliant!
Sweet! What does mine say?
Dood! What does mine say?
What are we reading???
E_M, I’m guessing that you haven’t seen the ridiculously stupid movie, “Dude, Where’s My Car?” starring Ashton and……..Um the guy that played Stiffler.
Seann William Scott makes me giggle just looking at him.
That poor poor bastard..
Yep, one inglorious bastard.
So can some one tell me what the difference is between failblog and collegehumor now?
We’re cooler. Class dismissed.
PWNED!
Like a cheerleader after prom.
that’s so funny.
)
And the copier read, “I’m sorry one at a time please”
Or, “Sorry, no coach parties”.
Its a real life Peter Griffin!
Eheheheheh.
What the deuce?!
ahhh.. karmic justice
what else can I say but
K-K-K-KARMA! btw ive been waiting for that to happen to someone for my whole life.
Truly? As a small child of 9 months of age, you couldn’t walk, but you still had the desire for someone to get rectally shredded? That’s a little weird, doncha think?
Maybe if you changed your name to Earl.
Just don’t eat those black eyed peas Earl.
Well, his ass is glass.
I don’t know what’s worse. The glass lodged in his backside or having to call for people to help him up?
glass win?
hey… THIS WAS ON FML. By some random dude on a night shift. I wonder if it’s the same guy…
glass up da ass
i’ve seen this video over three years ago. very old indeed.
So fake. Security cameras don’t have sound
oh you laugh now.. but the glass punctured an artery, and you know, because of his “condition”, due to too much sugar, he died.
This time, look straight.
OLD VIDEO IS OLD!!!!!!!!!!
What a loser. I hope a shard of glass poked that idiot in the ass and infected him with his own germs. What a dumbass.
the last thing the world needs is a scan of this guy’s booty.
|the kid|
No joke, that’s actually how 90% of photocopiers in the office get broken.
i certainly think, this is ARSE – WIN, COPIER – FAIL
idiot american
old vid is old
old and fake – yet another FAILblogFAIL
fail blog fail – this is a fail, not a win!
failblog is confounding wins and fails more and more in recent days
True. Total fail. Total carnage. Total stupidity indeed.
That stupid worker broke the copier with his own body! He’s a total idiot indeed.
That idiotic worker should have known better. Copiers are really expensive indeed, so he should treat it with full respect.
[:|||||||||||||||:]
He should have used the Xerox AssJet 790.
This is either fake, or the company is violating federal wiretapping laws. It’s illegal for a security camera to record sound.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA that’s hysterical!!
Would you like a copy of my butt?
Funny that. I read somewhere that almost 40 percent of all photocopier breakdowns were made by overwieght people photocopying their asses.
I read that it is 23%. Anyway, still a lot…
I hope he pulled himself out before anyone found out it was him..
They’ll find the culprit. They just have to match the copy in an arse line up.
I didn’t think security cameras had sound????
Gazillion years old and fake. What’s next on Failblog? The tredmill guys with a big “TREDMILL WIN” on them?
I love how he’s looking around hoping that nobody sees him, right before his fat ass breaks the glass XD
I like how he thorougly rubs his a-hole all over the glass.
Well what’s the point if his cheeks are all smooshed together?
It’s all in the name of a good view.
why is it a win
I love how he’s looking around hoping that nobody sees him, right before his fat ass breaks the glass
what are these, the secret tapes of john belushi?
Not just fake, but old. I worked for Netscape.com and our marketing agency created this video as part of a viral campaign for some new online offerings we were coming out with, somewhere around 2004 or maybe ’05. There were 6 videos I believe, and this was the funniest of the bunch as I recall. It had something to do with there being other ways to goof off at work that were safer.
So yeah, it was shot professionally many years ago and the ad portions at the end cut off, and re-used over and over since then.