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Cheezburger Company Blog
1000th!!!!!!!!!!
damn it….
Missed it by 999.
i wear my immortality underpants … they are working (so far) …
lol noway. They removed the comment saying FIRST and I’m now first. I’m gonna get drunk and write this in my diary.
Dear Diary, FIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSTTTTTTTTT
Okay, either I’m going nuts, or this wasn’t the first comment here awhile ago.
If you’re going nuts, we had the same hallucination.
Whoa! Whole thread *poofta*!
That happens sometimes. You never get used to it, but it happens.
Ummm… You have a different definition of that term than I do.
Poofta = disappeared into thin air?
What’s your definition, Scotty?
poofta(h): (Adult / Slang) (obsolescent or obsolete) Chiefly British and Australian usage, for a male homosexual.
The few times I’ve heard it used it was considered mildly insulting.
Also in occasional use here in South Africa.
LOL, in britain that’s derogatory slang for homosexual.
Hmmm. I thought that was “poof,” not “poofta.”
No offen[c]se to anyone, please.
I believe it’s Poof in ‘Merica, and Poofta in England.
I’m Canadian so I guess I could get away with using either. So long as I spell it with a “u”.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but in the movie Billy Elliot, which is set and filmed in the UK, they use the word “poof” to describe a homosexual. This the reason I never associate “poof” with “poofta.”
The UK uses both, LGB.
Oh, okay. Ixnay on the oofta-pay.
Here in Britain, we pride ourselves on the variety of casual racist/homophobic slurs available in our beautiful language.
We use both in Australia as well as many others
Isn’t the word for a homosexual “poofter”? Prenounced “poofta” and it has been shortened to poof? I’m not from an english speaking country so I might be completely wrong here…
I am from UK and yes, poofta, as it is pronounced ‘poofter’ but the spelling is varied, does mean homosexual over here.
I’m from the UK too and while not being a poof or any variant spelling of the same, I prefer the term “Arse bandit”. Or “Uphill gardener”. Or even “Shirt Lifter”.
“Brown Hatter” is an older but no less useful term. And long overdue for a renaissance in my opinion.
I like the term “pillow biter”. It’s more descriptive!
I think the PTB are enforcing some cardinal rules and have added comment delays.
Woot! Go, PTB!
What about TPB?
I just checked the previous fails. Apparently the PTB decided to go tough on firsterism.
KA-CHINGGGGG-A!
Three cheers for the PTB! Hip-hip-Dammit!
WOO-HOO!!!!
Poor replies! Will they ever make it back to the top?
Sniff, sniff.
*tickletickletickle*
I’ll live.
Are we all back in place now??
*pokes the thread*
:[
*pays yourself*
Ooops, wrong thread.
BYOP?
Pot luck thread?
*Does the Hokey Pokey*
GO PTB!!!!!
Yay Emily!!!! Thanks!!!
We might have vampires “again”.
God they saw Twilight and heard there was going to be a sequel so they planted garlic to keep it away.
FOURTH OH YES
wow, 5th. got lucky
(# of previous comments + 1)th.
Really, what’s the point of counting? It’s not that hard. (And yet, folks still fail all the time.)
We live in such an imperfect world, Joe.
I’ve got a better idea. Just leave the numbers out of the comment altogether.
I second this notion.
Only a third of the trolls will ever listen to this, or less.
That’s less than half!
What are the odds of that ever happening?
About even, I’d say.
That’s the long and the short of it Dragon.
I’ll always go with the favorites.
(that’s the usual fail peeps BTW)
Exacta-ly!
*squeeeze*
We got to convince the newbies that it isn’t a ratio.
Horatio Hornblower!
*Admits this pun didn’t win, place or show*
Gotta run, but not before popping the bubbly. Congrats, Jammers! Woo!
Woohoo! Go, Jam!
*starts bubble machine*
*beams with pride*
Our little Jammy!
She’s come so far!
*cries happy tears*
Splain please? that way I can join in the Jammin’ celebration.
Are you video impaired, BBB? Some city planted some ugly-@ss flowers (spent gobs of money), and now they’re going to spend gobs more to take them out. Reporter talks to a resident of the area, who says they’re garlic plants and were planted to keep vampires away. Powered by Jam.
Woo!! Garlic Jam!!
“…and since we have had garlic, I haven’t seen one single solitary vampire in town.”
Not really. Really? Wow. Huh. I guess stupid leaked into the water supply?
“However, the place seems swarmed with French lately”
And a coupld Italians.
But the British are staring at it in horror and won’t go 50 miles within the place.
I’ll make sure your advice reaches the right folks here BEFORE our upcoming penalty shootout at the world cup.
*reaches the penalty box and dives for an anklesqueeze*
Happy failaversary!
*squeezesqueezesqueeze*
*tootles melodiously on kazoo*
*blows whistle*
*shows Moomin a variety of colourful cards*
*offers to trade*
Now that you’re here, all is perfect.
*anklesqueeze*
Yep! They’re all happily married.
“One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach, all the damned vampires.”
Whee! *happywiggledances*
Thanks peeps
WooHoo, Jam!!!
*congrats squeeze*
*wheels in confetti cannon quickly before going to lunch*
*packs cannon with sparklies and garlic*
*safety*
*lights fuse and dives for cover*
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!
Congrats Jam!
*leads parade with confetti, banners and giant posters of jam jars*
*salutes as guns fire*
*one of the bullets hits jam jar on float*
*jam spills onto the streets, as people scream and shout in panic*
*goes on with the parade anyway*
Okay, my brain is definitely being weird today. At first I read that as, “banners and giant lobsters of jam jars”.
I’m seriously considering going back to bed.
Whats-his-face is going FREAK OUT when he sees all those banners and posters!
The Jolly Green Giant? George Washington? Benjamin Franklin?
Ralph Nader?
Oscar the Grouch?
The Incredible Hulk?
The Green Lantern?
KERMIT???
*sigh*
The new guy here with the really long name that isn’t a name.
The one who’s been thwacked a couple of times, and is now apparently … discomfited by jars of food.
Wasn’t that the one who was disturbed by the mental pic of a male genitalia in a jar of food?
A name that is no name? I think you’re making this up.
Gracie’s got it!
Oh, a woman confirming another woman’s claim? Nah, I’ll stick to it: You’re making this up. There is no minty green guy.
His name is “i have no idea what to put here, so i put this”
That’s no name!
If you can’t remember the name Gracie, just say so.
*fleeswithaquickness*
Arthur, I swear I copied and pasted that. Honest and for true.
Scottie, some days I’m lucky to remember my own name!
*nabs Scott as he’s fleeing the thread*
Um…Gracie? What shall I do with him?
So many people talking about me makes me feel loved… and slightly awkward.
ARTHUR! ARTHUR! COME QUICK! IT’S THE MINTY GREEN GUY!!!!!!
SILENCE LGB! I’m trying to hide from the evil jars.
OK, my original reply asploded.
Now the OMGWTF has been on the BBQ too long, and it’s all burnt.
*takes a picture as proof*
*Takes picture in black and white, sepia, and negative to add dramatic effect*
(That would be defeating the point, as you would be unable to prove that your avatar was minty-green)
(Jon…really, I think that was his point, and why his post was actually funny.)
*photoshops avatar in pictures to a minty green color*
Is that better?
‘Shopped!!!!!1111!!!!!ELEVEN!!!
*bukkits*
*snores*
(bleh. I’m really too tired to be on such a wit-centric blog. I’ve been Fail-starved for almost a week and I was beginning to get withdrawal symptoms.)
Sorry, minty-green dude.
Nontaken Jon.
OH! Almost forgot. I thanketh thee Dragon Writer for defending me.
*gives a cookie in thanks*
Aw…thanks.
*gives cookie to Jon*
I think you need this more than I do.
Yay! An oaty pillow.
Thanks. *squeeze*
I hope that I get a “*squeeze*”. It was originally my cookie.
*goes to corner and cries due to lack of *squeezing**
……sniff……
Oh, for …
*SQUEEEEZE*
Stop sniveling now, MGG. *pat.pat*
Thanks… how long was I out?
Long enough for me to feel sorry for you, ya putz.
*squeeze*
I actually woke up just for that. Lgb tells me you’ve been crying, O Minty-Green one.
Gumby?
*Flies by parade with the Enterprise*
*drops hundereds of pieces of toast over jam spill*
*fires photon torpedoes which burst into fireworks*
ummm…. Scottie? Were you beamed to two different email addresses?
Woop woop!
Weed be lost boys without you Jam!
*sensing cinematic reference WIN by Marius*
Well Done M.!
CONGRATS JAM!!!!
*tosses confetti*
Woohoo! Congrats Jam!
*passes out lit sparklers*
Yay Jam!!! You finally made it!
*wholejammythreadsqueeze*
YAY! I know, and it wasn’t even one of those deliberate attempts we all made. Today is a good day!
*WOOPWOOPSQUEEEZE!!*
YAY JAM!!!!
*pours the bubbly*
*¡sʞuıןɔ*
WOOHOO!
*hugs Jam*
*uncovers her neck*
WOOOOOPITY-WOOP, JAMMMMMIES!
WOOHOO Jam!!!
*SQUEEEEEZE*
Get down with your sticky sweet self Jam!!
Lost Boys win!
g4y
you misspelled homosexual
Leave him alone…it takes courage to come out of the closet like that. And we are proud of him.
5th ^^
i failed.. -_-
There, there. *pat.pat* It’s okay, lawl. Maybe you’ll get fifth some other time.
LGB, have you ever heard the phrase, “Even negative attention is still attention”?? You’re just encouraging them–especially since trolls thrive on negative attention.
*hands LGB a piece of cake*
I’m working on that.
*takes deep breath*
In LGB’s defense, did she ever see or sign that old petition to try to starve the trolls to death? I think I still have a copy around here somewhere, but it’s a little worse for wear.
I think it may be time to circulate that again.
I was under a minor attack when I wrote this, my goal was to ignore the twit.
C’mon guys…I wasn’t attacking her. At least, I certainly didn’t mean to. Sorry if my post came off as such, though.
*offers whole cake as apology*
I accept your cake -er apology on behalf of LGB.
*noms cake*
Hey! Gimme back my cake!
*tinybooponanosey*
*giggles*
*shares cake with LGB*
You got some frosting … just … there …
*points*
*puts frosting on LGB’s nose*
Now you do, too.
I wasn’t pointing to your nose.
I didn’t think you were DW. I can be as guilty of it as the next person.
It’s my view of everything that’s gone on in the last week that makes me think we need to pass around the petition again.
I’m the next person. I’m guilty.
HAH! I KNEW it!
*points and laughs*
No, it didn’t come off that way, at least I didn’t think you were attacking her. I was trying to take your advice!
I didn’t think you were attacking me, DW. Thanks to everyone who came to my “rescue,” however.
No apology necessary.
*squeeze*
Whew!
*squeeeeeeze*
Oops.
I had to look this whole thread over … twice … before I realized what I had done. Poor choice of words on my part, I didn’t mean to imply it was an “attack”. I was just trying to segue to that old petition with everyone’s signature on it.
My bad. I’d offer up some cake, but I’m guessing no one would be interested in a cake made entirely of braaaaaaiiiiinnnnnnzzzzzz.
*waves hand*
Oh, me! Me! Pick me!
Wait…
Dragon, and feeding LGB attention makes LGB want to give more attention to trolls, and by giving you attention about giving LGB attention about giving trolls attention will make you post more peeps giving trolls attention, which in the end solves….nothing.
*ignores TheMotts*
*sign, sign, pass*
Ah, applesauce!
That was just a little saucy there Motts.
Uhh, but you ARE a troll…
5ifth!!!!!!1!!111
Well, it kept the vampires out didn’t it. So I would say it was not a fail at all! Dummies.
That’s right. Vampire prevention win!
Vampire Prevention is more of a, garlic condom….
100% effective and tasty too!
Reminds me of Sesame Street when Ernie proved to Bert that having a banana in your ear keeps away crocodiles.
Yeah, but that wasn’t crazy shit like the garlic street.
That was on Sesame Street? I thought it was on the Discovery channel.
There’s a difference between Sesame Street and Discovery Channel?
Dirty Jobs is hosted by Oscar on Sesame Street instead of Mike Rowe.
My room-mates had a pet gerbil named Oscar. Then it died and we got Elmo.
damn u slow interweb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That dial-up will kill your chance to be first every time…
*dials 333*
“Yeah, can you put a comment saying “F1rst lol!1!” on this website? Please?”
Not fifth!
How did this get on the main page with only 39 votes? (that is how many it had when i made this comment).
I’ll give 500,000,000 internetz to the first person who can figure-out the rating system on here.
I won’t be winning that LGB, but I can answer Weenieboy’s question.
Votes don’t carry over from the vote page to the front page. When a fail is posted to the front page it starts there with 0 votes.
I think he called you a newbie Weenieboy. I personally wouldn’t take that kind of abuse!
I said it before, but it bears repeating. Saucy!!
How does answering a question equate to calling someone a newbie? Answer carefully, I have access to millions of headstones and the infamous zombie hoard.
Oo!!
*gets boom box, just in case*
“carefully, I have access to millions of headstones and the infamous zombie hoard.”
Phew thanks for giving me the answer, wasn’t sure what to type.
*giggles*
Did I miss some punctuation there? How totally silly of me.
Hoard is the correct way to spell it. As far as ZA is concerned. Do you have a problem with that?
Whether that man is trying to screw with the reporter or he’s gone a little nuts, this is hilarious! Now we just need to find a way to get rid of sparkly vampires as well as Twilight fangirls and we’ll be set!
I think that using a crystal-studded crucifix might get rid of the sparkly ones.
Nah if you throw it at them it will only stun them.
Jumping out from behind a tree and yelling “BOO” would probably get rid of the sparkly ones.
Just act like you’re interested in them, I understand that makes them run away.
I have promised myself to never see those movies or read the books. I remain willfully ignorant of the details.
Believe me, I have no desire to see or read any of them either. All my information has been gleaned from the mocking websites and videos I’ve seen in the last few months.
I still don’t understand the whole “sparkle” thing. I don’t really want it explained though.
*shrug*
Yo no sé.
And seriously, if you were even remotely past the age of high school would you attend, just for the sake of fitting in?
Haha! I had that conversation with Mrs. Scott the other day. Who in their right mind would voluntarily go back to high school? What a waste of immortality.
Considering the experience I had in high school, I would chose NOT to repeat the experience. Just glad my kids aren’t into that. I’d take Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers over that any day…
In my high school days (the early ones at least) it was The New Kids on the Block. Which, in my opinion, is pretty much the same as Hannah Montana or the Jonas Brothers. But I still wouldn’t go back, either at gunpoint or for all the money in the world.
*won’t say who it was in her high school days*
*is happy to have blocked that out*
*wouldn’t go back to high school under any conditions*
I might go back. Not because I had it soooo good as a teenager, but because then I could be in choir and band and drama and speech and stuff again. That part was kind of cool. I would just be a lot less worried about getting caught ditching.
If I could go back with the knowledge and experience I have now, I probably would. Classes would be a breeze, I would not be as socially inept and would probably have a better time.
Well, as we were speaking of the immortal teen *glittery* vamps, I think you can count on knowing what you know.
ok.. I’ll say it. My friend (who is a middle-aged woman with two teenage kids) sent me the DVD and made me promise to watch it. I did. It’s cute movie. I even watched it again with another friend. You could do a lot worse. Like watch “The Proposal”.
I have read all four Twilight books. The first one is not bad, better than the movie.
The second, New Moon, 3/4 of the book were absolute torture. But reading how Bella kept trying to accidentally commit suicide was funny, and the ending was good, at least good enough to read book 3. (I am not going to go out of my way to see this movie though.)
Book 3 is better, a little more action
Book 4 was probably the best of the whole series.
If there were a book 5, and there could be I would probably read it too.
Over all the series was rough to get through, but enjoyable in the end.
Saw the first movie. Was unimpressed. Decided to read the books to see if they were any better. I agree with Jules on the review. Except I can’t see myself reading a fifth book, unless it was about the daughter.
I liked the books. I read them with my teen-age daughter. The movies………meh. Not so much. In fact, I’ve come to the very real conclusion that Hollywood casting people are either completely deluded, never read the discriptions in the book, or have done something SO BAD, that Patterson has enough blackmail material to keep him in film forever. It’s certianly not his talent that got him the role.
What I still don’t understand is why the vampires are in high school. If they are many hundred years old shouldn’t they have finished by now? Or is there some sort of Angst law I was unaware of?
If you have more Angst than X thou shalt remain in High School forever!
Book 4 the best?!?! Did we read the same book? That book was HORRIBLE!
I will put in that I have not read the books or seen the movies.
I prefer my vampire books to have a French lead in love with a female vampire hunter. And the vampire hunter also was dating the Alpha werewolf of the city.
What, you’ve got the hots for Anita Blake? She’s also dating the Nim Raj of the city, FYI. Not to mention her pomme du sang.
Her pomme du sang? Oops. Sorry. You told me not to mention that.
I didn’t think I spelled it correctly, her “apple of blood” is a direct translation.
According to google the book’s title is Pomme de Sang. If you hadn’t said anything I wouldn’t have known.
With your fun and games with Verizon you’ll like this news item. Someone at the Pay Ticket place in the court house was skimming the credit cards of the fine payers.
Laurel K. Hamilton has a book titled Pomme de Sang?
And sadly, the skimming news doesn’t really surprise me.
Sorry. I didn’t read far enough. Here’s the google entry:
Pomme de Sang: an Anita Blake Vampire Hunter Fiction Site
Pomme de Sang (PDS) is an ABVH archive that accepts fan fiction. If you are new to posting fiction on our site, post here. We welcome authors who are 18 and …
pommedesang.com
How do we get rid of the Twilight moms?
Tens of thousands of dollars??? I’ll come pull them up for half the price
Need an assistant? I have a weed whacker.
Weed w-hacks?
Small towns: when you’re bored enough to create your own drama.
It’s Grandpa! That garlic is the only thing keeping Kiefer Sutherland out.
But…I just used it on the steak…can you use this?
*hands Jam a stake*
Thanks, that should get to the heart of the matter.
But this guy is just batty!
Cross your heart?
this pun run is sucking
Oh, bloody hell…why bother to post on it, then?
Fangs for ruining for me.
Ruddy hell!
Oh get a afterlife!!
Dammit.
*deflates like a punctured balloon*
*reminds self to refresh*
*patches and inflates balloon, gives it a little buffying, sticks it to the ceiling*
i hope it didn’t have the same inflation system as the autopilot.
Gah! Thread vampire!
*bops Motts on the Nosferatu for breaking the pun-run*
Oops…sowwy. Neck-st time I’ll be more careful.
No need to get misty Dragon. I can always go to bat for you.
I’m thralled to hear it!
You can count on me anytime.
You’re punctual as usual, I see.
Brrr…it’s cold in here. Could you Stoker the fire, please?
Certainly! I’ll do better than that…
*pours Dragon’s own special recipe triple Sekhmet margaritas*
(I’ll never forget that
I love it when threads have such a bohemian air about them.
Well, absinthe makes the heart grow fonder!
And *snork*–I’d be lion if I said that pun isn’t one of my favorites. Makes a deeeelicious drinkie, too.
This is in the middle of LA, so not really a small town (I live next door in Hawthorne).
I love guys who can do the deadpan joke. No wonder he keeps getting elected.
Wake up! Time to die!
He’s done questionable things?
He’s seen things you people wouldn’t believe…
I don’t know such stuff, I just do eyes.
This is for Zora! And this is for Priss!
Have you felt yourself to be exploited in any way?
Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about… your mother. My mother? Let me tell you about my mother…
What’s a tortoise?
I want more life, f*cker!
Nothing the god of biomechanics wouldn’t let you into heaven for.
It’s too bad she won’t live! But then again, who does?
He can breathe okay, as long as nobody unplugs him.
Nothing is worse than having an itch you can never scratch!
You’re talking about memories.
You’d better get it up, or I’m gonna have to kill you!
What if I go north? Disappear. Would you come after me?
And it took you two how long to realise that you were seperated at birth?
This isn’t a fail. It’s a humor win. The guy was just joking.
Obviously. He starts out by saying. “A joke, it’s just a joke!”
Wow, a real life Lisa Simpson’s tiger-repellant Rock!
win
now i am second it works on so many levels
Nice try, but you don’t seem to know how this works.
*Shoves boulder down side of mountain*
FIRST -> now i am second it works on so many levels -> Nice try, but you don’t seem to know how this works. -> *Shoves boulder down side of mounain*
We’re an eclectic bunch.
We aren’t savages really…
♫♩ ♫ It’s the story, of a man named “Eclectic”…
Did I miss something? Where is everybody? And by everybody, I mean everybody BESIDES the trolls/lurkers.
*boops Avis onna nose*
I’m trying to set up my new phone. I have to resort my contacts etc. ~Wheee!~
Cell phone? I will likely be getting a new one of those this weekend.
Yeah, mine borked. So I had to get a replacement. Thankfully it was still under warranty and didn’t cost me anything.
*Still has original freebee phone that came with plan*
*admires Marius’s thriftiness*
When did he get said phone?
three days ago, which is pretty good for him since he is bragging about it.
It has been years. It is a flip phone with a camera (I don’t know how to use) and it can text (Which I hate). I just can not bring myself to purchase something I have no use for. All I need is a mobile phone that works. Cellphone culture urks me.
*Bukkits*
Merci?
Hee! Hee!
You covered my eye.
I don’t want to urkle or offend anyone here, but I totally, completely, 100% agree with you.
Right there with ya, sistah.
*^5*
*Reaches up from bukkit*
^5
You’re an idiot.
*THWACK*
Nobody insults our little bird.
*squeeze!*
Get ‘em LGB!!
I’m sorry I was silent for so long. I was taken out for my b-day lunch by some work friends. Loverly.
HAPPY B-DAY, B³!!!
*runs to get a cake with candles*
Ooh, three parties in one fail! Woohoo! Happy Birthday, BBB!
*runs out to get ice cream*
Wheeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!
♪♫ Happy Happy Birthday BbB, dear!
Happy things will come to you all year!
If I had a wish, then it would be:
A Happy Happy Birthday to you from me! ♪♫
Oooo…a candle lighting ceremony. I like these!
Happy birthday, B.B. Bopper!
*bigbirthdaysqueezes*
I don’t see any tildes so I’m going to assume lunch was nice.
It really was. It was a super nice break. Not loving where I’m at so much lately.
B-day’s not ’til Sunday, but thanks for your good wishes all.
Happy pre-Burpday, 3Bs!
*preBDsqueezies3Beezies*
Are we gonna have to get a fire extinguisher to put out the candles?
Happy birthday BB!
What he said.
A pea burp day.
Hey, I didn’t even *FOOOM!* them yet!
Ooooh…you meant…
*giggles*
Ha!! thanks all. I think everyone will survive. Turning 36. Not so many candles as to require a fire ex……………………wait a minute. FIREMEN!!! Oh yes. It’s definitely a fire hazard!! Call the Firemen!!
(and if they strip when they get here, I won’t be offended)
Still a young whipper-snappa!
*makes phone call*
*pays with credit card*
*3B’s doorbell rings*
*bow-chicka-wow-wow music plays*
*stripper fireman enters*
I hope you like him!
Is this an emergency?
Yes. No. Well, I’ll think of something.
EEEEEEK! A waffling mouse!
*squeezies*
*makes note not to eat at Waffle Mouse*
Just make sure you take off those waffle-stompers around her! We do NOT want a squished Mouse.
Ooh, does that mean I get firemen when I turn
in March?
Just be careful when you order, you could end up with a guy in a gorilla suit.
failblog.org/2009/07/17/birthday-win/
I’m sure the 16 year old boy didn’t mind!
*snork*
I still laugh about that one wondering who ended up with the gorilla instead.
I dunno. A guy in a gorilla suit might be good for a laugh.
Gracie! We can celebrate our burpdays together!
Sounds fun! Can we have tequila shots at our party? And calorie-free cake and ice cream? And sexy firemen (and an Admiral)?
Sexy striping firemen…………… *snork* Huh? Wha? Sorry all, went into a hotness coma. I’m back. Did I miss anything?
*wipes drool off of chin*
They’re striped? Like candy canes?
They’re MY firemens and I can paint them however I like!!
“Let the bears pay the Bear Tax, I pay the Homer Tax!”
“That’s Home-OWNER Tax”
this is a failblog FAIL. dude was joking so posting it is a FAIL.
*THWACK*
Get over it.
~Really?? He was JOKING??? I never would have guessed.~
I like the italics with the tildes. I think it works even better for the sarcasm font.
*squeezesdabuttacow*
For particularly heavy sarcasm.
But what if I’m on a diet?
Let’s see if that even works.
*crosses fingers*
Yay!
*heaves a sigh of relief*
Whew!
I really need to learn how to get small and italic type…………..um…….type.
First it’s “pre”, then the tilde, then the “i”. Put carats where applicable. And close codes in the proper order.
It’s the closing of the damned things in the right order that nearly did me in.
like this?
Requires lots of carats.
Aren’t carats a girl’s best friend?
That’s a hare-y question, AE.
Only if she’s a material girl, Arthur!
And that, there, is the root of the problem.
Yep. Didn’t really get that.
“pre”~”i” like this? “pre”~”i”
pre~i insert text here /i~/pre
All with the less than, greater than symbols in their proper places.
Dragon! You’re better at explain this than I am! Help me out!
failpeeps.wordpress.com/faqquity-faq-dont-talk-back/
See that site ^ and stick with the program.
View the code, 3Bs. In Internet Exploder, go View, Source, then search for Avis’s comment by going Edit and then Find. You will see the actual HTML code used.
Okay. Trying again.
LOL That didn’t work either. I’ll get it eventually.
You have to put the carats on both sides of each “pre”. If that helps.
(pre)~(i)insert text here(/i)~(/pre)
Use the carats instead of the parenthesis.
Jeez. I’ll just stick with plain old type. *sigh* Too much work for my fun time.
Um, yeah. People who pay you to hang out with them are typically not your friends.
But, that only works for the Black Court Vampires. What about the White and Red Courts?
Check under “Wizard” in the Chicago phone book.
His statement about not seeing the vampires since they put in the garlic plants implies that he did come across them before…
Oh dear, does this mean they have moved to Burbank? Get your wooden stakes!
Why are people talking about vampires? It is the Leprechauns we need to worry about!
Man, that’s one impressive leprechaun sketch.
Ah. The wee little people. They scare the pants off me and that’s God’s truth. Small hands. Make me think of Carni folk. *shudders*
Well, I just keep telling myself he meant the Twilight fans who believe so much that they are vampires, that they don’t like to be there.
Because in that case, it’s a smart move to keep the retards out.
But of course, in reality, I guess that if you throw the retards out of there, there will be nobody left.
Woah Woah , again?
Woah, I say! Woah!
♫She’s a lady, woah woah woah♫
Whoaa! Eh? Wohohohoa! Eh?
Hola Failblogistas! It’s been a year for me now so it’s time to say THANK YOU for brightening my days! Let’s go for another one!
*SQUEEZE to all the Failpeeps*
*squeezes the youngin’*
*SKA-WEEEEEEZE!!!!*
Here’s to another fun year filled with hilarity and friendship!
*Squeeze*
Thank you.
*happyanniversarysqueeze*
*SQUEEZE*
If we have fun here, you’re usually to bl@me!
Time for the Failaversary party!
*squeeze*
*throws confetti*
*ǝuƃɐdɯɐɥɔ ǝɹoɯ sɹnod*
*ǝsou sǝɥɔuıd ‘sɹɐǝ sʞɹoɔ*
I can’t wait for my year-aversary. In fact, I can easily see myself checking this site regularly in another 10 years if ya’ll are still on here. You lovely people you.
Happy anniversary AE!!
*smoochypoo*
Happy Failiversary, AE!
*squeeze*
Awww, so much love! Thank you all!
Congrats AE!
*Erwidert*
Gratuliere!
*kneif*
Woohoohoo!
We shall be forever bonded by my FISRT ‘power’ and your FISRT failversary.
Something for your powered by. My gift. Clicky.
*squeeze*
Honestly, I have no idea which word I used that set off the filter.
Having said that, it’ll be a
nicesurprise for you when it arrives. A bit like Royal Mail deliveries.Bah! I wrote you a love poem and now it’s been removed completely.
*failversarysqueeze*
Oh no! Isn’t that where Daria lives? A catastrophe if she was bit, it would crush her. Becoming a vampire now when vampires have degenerated to sparkling sissies that make promo for abstinence only…
Deadpan interview WIN!!
Sanguivoriphobia – fear of vampires.
And, just for fun,
Alliumphobia – fear of garlic.
I think Mama Birds next-door neighbor has that second one. She combats it with cigarette smoke. Which somehow makes it into my folks apartment.
~Yay~
Apartments can be so wonderfully porous.
I think your sarcasm transcended the need for tildes.
Somebody needs to write a screenplay about a person with Alliumphobia in a town attacked by vampires. I’m not gonna do it since it’s a stupid idea but somebody should.
I’ll do it, but I’m gonna need “compensation” if you know what I mean…… yep, two boxes of Cheez-its and a case of Dr. Pepper!
With a mild case of Staurophobia- Fear of crosses or the crucifix
♪
I love Cheesy Poofs,
You love Cheesy Poofs,
If we didn’t eat Cheesy Poofs,
We’d be
lam… uh, not cool!♪
No, mama,we didn’t eat no Cheesy Poofs! Why you ask?
♫
Mr Hankey,
The Christmas p-
I can’t bring myself to sing it.
I want to know how you spend $10,000 on digging up garlic.
It’s called Government. And the capital “g” is necessary.
Ok i was bored but here is some funnies
Zemmiphobia- Fear of the great mole rat.
Vestiphobia- Fear of clothing.
Urophobia- Fear of urine or urinating
Trichopathophobia or Trichophobia- Fear of hair.
Thaasophobia- Fear of sitting.
Stasibasiphobia or Stasiphobia- Fear of standing or walking.
Sesquipedalophobia- Fear of long words. (really funny one longest letter phobia)
Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking.
Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything.
Motts, you should know that you are danger of treading on LGB’s toes. The phobia thing is her schtick.
*ducks just in case 6′ wooden spoon comes a-swinging*
*Seeks cure for koutaliaphobia*
*squeezies3Beezies*
I only *THWACK* trolls with my 6′ wooden spoon, and, today’s comments notwithstanding, Motts isn’t one. I do think he’s in danger of stepping on some other toes, however. But, everybody needs to fight their own battles on the blog, and I try not to intervene too much…
I didn’t see edward. I say its a win for Garlic.
This is obviously an out-take from the next season of True Blood. A viral teaser perhaps?
Only in America?!
american imbecile win
Could very well be him joking.
HEY THIS IS NICKY LOOKING FOR MARTY IF YOU SEE THIS LOOK ME UP PLEASE I’M NICOLA RADIGAN LOOK ON FACEBOOK
Win!!!!!!!!!!!
Is there really vampires somewhere??
Yup. They suck.
When I saw a fail dealing with vampires I somehow just knew that you would be there.
That guy was just joking obviously (I really hope) but it was still a win.
I always watch the video fails without sound, and all I have to go on is the title and what I see.
Sometimes I make up my own fail.
I never go back and listen to what actually is said, because I don’t want to ruin the fantasy.
….
Silly old guy. You can’t grow vampire hunters! Even on a well lit street!
*applauds*
Dargus! *squeeze* You made it back! Nicetacya!
Did I miss something?
I hate schooldays.
We can’t be trusted with internets, so we get Google and Wikipedia, and that’s pretty much it. No Fails, no fun.
:[
Dargus is a newbie regular, Jon.
Haven’t seen him for awhile…
We can’t get rid of the garlic. The stakes are too high.
Blog’s borked, Shadow. These comments are orphaned.
Wait, if they haven’t seen any vampired since putting those plants in, how isn’t this a win – for the guy who sold them on the idea?
The funniest part – “we’re gonna have vampires here again”
AGAIN!
Newspapers dating prior to the planting of the garlic suggest that it was terrifying time for towns people. That constant vampire threat. Must have been horrible! ;P
why do people talk about something else in the comments this isnt a forum its comments about this fail
Quite so.
…
So anyway, I says to Mabel, I says…
this guys a city councilman?
Oh. My. God.
Stupid people of the world, we’ve found your leader. And he thinks vampires are real.
I live in Lawndale, CA and I was there when the Garlic issue was presented in the city council. The old people who complained about those plants did it with such passion to get rid of them. I swear, I don’t wanna spend my days fighting with the city council over stupid plants. Old people need to find something more productive.
well did the vampires come back?..lol
OHNOEZ THEY WILL SPARKLE!
Old man trolls news organization, film at 11
I think the old man was just being really sarcastic. At least that’s how I understood it.
“So what do you think about…THIS?! “(waves garlic)
“I think you should find yourself a nice Italian girl and settle down!”
Where was that filmed, anyway?
Sunnydale?
That video fails epicly…
GREAT FAIL! HAHAHAHAHA
I love it!! I want to go and live in la la land too…. Hey you never know.. many a true word has been said in jest. Does that qualify me to live in La la land too?
This is excellent. How can you argue with that logic? Win for matter-of-fact old men around the world.
Well, I’m guessing in this town, They’re all Team Jacob.
Sounds like someone’s granddaughter has been reading him Twilight. After I read it, I was compelled to do the same thing.
i think its genuinely sad that this guy sounds so worried.
Cool video! My friend sent me this, and I just watched it.
Sparkly vampires are okay, but Indians who shape-shift into wolves are totally BETTER!!! TEAM JACOB FTW!!!
HOW DUMB CAN YOU GET?>???????
Did anyone notice he said we might have vampires AGAIN?
That seems to imply they used to have vampires but got rid of them.
I want to hear what else he has to say about vampires. LOL. I wonder if he has any tories about them.
This is a classical example of post hoc ergo propter hoc
It’s sad when they don’t even realise they are failing..
Again? HAHAHAHAHA Epic =D
AHHHAHAHAHA
fail
but really
call me when taylor lautner comes to town
you guys didnt say anything about werewolfs
AM I RIGHT
“We may have vampires AGAIN”
The idea of garlic getting rid of vampires is a modern one and started by a misconception. People who used to hunt vampires in the middle-ages would wear garlic because it had a strong enough smell to keep the smell of dead people off them when they dug up coffins of suspected vampires. Far more modern people noticed this and thought garlic fought vampires. It does not, it is just they would rather smell like garlic than dead people. That said, it means the Vampire threat is still present in this town and that old man should keep an eye out. Since he has not noticed them, maybe they are just in hidding?
oddly enough as i watched his video i began to smell garlic *checks outside*
did anyone notice that he said again?
He’s being sarcastic. I hope everyone noticed that.
is this guy for real? This is pathetic
Notice the “again” at the end of his sentence! haha
Haha . . they havn’t seen one single, solitary vampire in town is because – - VAMPIRES DON’T EXIST
“we may have vampires again.”…wait…what?! again?!!!!
Anita keeps reiterating that she isn’t girly, and prefers the role of ‘Prince rescuer’ to being a princess – but she does more talking about ‘feelings’ than the ladies on The View do. Anita initiates hugging sessions and kissing and putting her head on so-and-so’s shoulder. It seems that everyone except Jean Claude cries at some point in this book.