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Don’t know what it is, but I like it!
I know what it is and I am not tellin’.
Pretty please with moist, puppy dog eyes?
Allow me.
Allow you to what? What? WHAT?
You can’t really make moist puppy dog eyes without some sort of puppy.
Yes, but I rather like yours in your head, thankewveddymuch. They’ll stay moister that way.
Prezactly! That’s why I was offering to make them for you!
You … can … make … EYES?!?!?
This I gotta see……
*sits and waits*
*sh!ts some weights*
Sorry, looks like I swallowed some when i faceplanted a few fails back.
Of course!
i
I
Aye, Captain!
All hands on d!ck!!!
not on BOB?
I did not see that one coming.
I’m suddenly reminded of the cheerful ditty The Good Ship Venus…
I-I-I-Ice breaker
Ay caramba.
Iconoclasts?
*masturbates* omfg my cat jsut died D:
I’ll tell, I’ll tell!!
Well, I would if I knew what it was.
Two trucks going into an overpass.
Two trucks walk into a bar. One says to the other…
“How the truck are ya?”
BA-DA-BUM-TISH!
Nice one!
*small bow* I’m here all night, well not really but until I get off work to go sledding!
Jaysen, wanna help me write my stand-up show?
I feel it’s lacking in classical cheesiness.
well if that’s one thing I am not lacking, is cheesiness. my friends say im..wait for it..SHARP!
Sharp as cheese?
Wow, they must think you’re some sort of genius
Please tell me you’ve actually heard of sharp cheese. Otherwise I may just give out scream that will curdle your blood.
Cheese that cuts itself?
*fights dragon sarcastically with a cheese longsword*
Hmmm. Loopiness has a seriously adverse effect on my typing skills.
*snorks you all*
aww not again!
*noms ossacip over shoulder*
well so much for a pun run
Yah, they get derailed a lot these days.
sorry, but… where?
It happens when people post too frequently and don’t really understand what they are replying to.
I never thought about “curdling” that whey.
*cheesy grin*
Cheese FAIL
The lady falling was funnier than the bike crashing.
Ole’ Epic
ZOMG PWND!!!!
second!!!
yeah nice try. failing is fun, eh?
Only when other people do it.
Can someone tell me why it is that you still feel hungry no matter how much you’ve eaten? Why? Why? Why?
tape worm
whaaaa????
It’s possible. But not probable. Jaysen tends to think outside the box.
Now, Leila. I’m giving you a movie assignment for this weekend. Rent/borrow/get at a garage sale the original Star Wars movie and watch it. All of it. Report back to me on Monday.
That is all.
Ruh roh.
*ducks and covers*
But…I don’t do SW. If you convince DW to share one of her happy pills maybe I can sit thru that nonesense.
*gooses and covers*
You’ll really enjoy the story. I promise! If you don’t I’ll … I’ll … I’ll eat a bug.
Pretty please? For me?
Oh GAWD!!!! Why are you doing this to me? Have you been talking to my husband?
Tell you what? I will think about it.
Well, that’s the best I can hope for, I guess.
*crosses fingers and toes*
*wishes on a falling star*
*tosses coin in fountain*
*holds out whole rabbit so LGB can rub the foot*
They aren’t lucky when they’re not still attached.
*strokes soft bunny foot with one finger*
*rubs soft bunny tummy with hand*
*rubs whole body on bunny*
Oh great! Now I’m gonna have hundreds of little blue bunnies running around.
We didn’t go THAT far!
*takes bunny out to dinner*
*buys bunny chocolates and roses*
That bunny is just lapin it up.
Stop rabbiting on in your foreign languages.
There would only be lots of BlueBunnies if there is cream. Like *clicky*. *its safe*
Hare, Hare, Hare
DW, won’t you share one of your happy pills with Leila? Just one?
BTW: *HappyNewYearsqueeze*
NEVER!!!
Sharing prescriptions is very, very dangerous. This is a lesson that Leila herself taught me. I’m sure she will be very proud of how well I learned it.
:p
*HappyNewYeartoyoutoosqueeeze*
Yes, I ‘spose you’re right.
*heavy sigh*
*walks away kicking rocks*
She can have my happy skittles…they aren’t prescribed the doctors in this place just hand em out.
Isma :Feel the Rainbow.
Cronk :Oh, I can feel it.
NO TOUCHIE!!
*touchies DW*
*dives into nuclear bunker*
Remember: Even if you put skittles up your nose, you cannot smell the rainbow.
*masturbates*
THANK YOU
Anxiety
Arthur. It’s his fault.
It’s that German guy on the Snickers commercials!
DEHUNGERIZE!
Like I said. Arthur.
He’s in commercials now?! When did this happen?
Well the Daily Mail bl@me everything on commercials, and how advertising is affecting our youth and allowing immigrants to steal their jobs.
Then they found Failblog, and put two and two together. It can’t be commercials’ fault and Arthur’s fault, unless…
I knew it! It’s always the Daily Mail behind these things. Wait, what was that “unless” before three suspiciously placed full stops?
*fleeswithaquickness*
*SKAWEEEEEZESBFFANDNEVERLETSGO*
unless… Arthur is in the commercials.
QED.
In my original post there was some italicising to emphasise points, but it got moderated for bl@me.
Not cool.
SECONDIES??
Wheres the quote at the end failers?
Not on Friday rewinds, Paul. But thanks for asking.
You gave Paul a du Long face now.
:[
*poke*
*poke*
*poke*
*giggle*
*tickle*
*giggle*
*transfers prepaid pokes from last fail*
I’m sorry, we do not accept Monopoly monies.
Do know what it isn’t, but you hate it.
That’s a record !
It’s a CD!
It’s an 8 Track!
It’s a reel to reel!
It’s a phonograph!
It’s a victrola!
It’s a stenographer.
It’s a cassette!
It’s a gramaphone!
It’s all taped up.
It’s a wax cylinder.
It’s a scrivening in the cave.
It’s sedimentary rock. It keeps some old Archaeological records.
It’s a crystal containing Marlon Brando.
It’s WALDO!!
It’s just two empty coconuts you’re bangin’ together!
*looks down at chest*
*looks at Jon*
*looks around*
*points feebly at Monty Python*
*runsawaywithadejectedslowness*
♫I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts♪
♫There they are being stolen by swallows♪
Wait! Those are my coconuts!
Stoopit non migratory swallows.
A 5 ounce bird can not carry a 1 pound coconut.
Help, Help………I’m being oppressed!
*trying so hard to keep it clean*
*looks at LGB’s chest*
ARGH! I can’t do it!
*Runs for the cold shower*
*creeps towards shower*
*Psycho music starts*
*opens curtains*
*raises hand*
You forgot your soap!
I don’t know what it is, but I’m glad to have another FAIL on which to play.
It’s a vehicle fail.
LIES!!!
It’s a vehicle win.
Yeah, but where’s the phallic tie-in?
Well the driver’s a bit of a Richard.
Professional motorcycle race. One of the participants dumps it after only a few seconds and the camera man/person tumbles over when running to take the picture.
You forgot to say one of the participants in a monkey from the trunk.
Wow. That sentence is so sad. Someone, anyone…shoot it!!! Kill it!!!!!!
*gently, lovingly sneaks into Leila’s post*
*gently removes offending grammar with supersoft ShamWow™*
*quietly sneaks out of Leila’s post*
Holy Cow LGB!!! I almost took you out with my uzi!! Watch out would ya?!!
Oh wait. I came after you. Oops. My bad.
You rarely get what you want here on Fail Blog. But you ALWAYS get what you need.
Cheers!
♫♪ Where everyone knows your name. ♪♫
*whips out uzi*
*sprays poor sentence out of existence*
*pat pat to Leila*
I’m with the clever kitty.
TAG!! You’re it NS.
*fleeswithaquickness*
Oops. I meant to say your it. I hate storing things for too long.
*drags the cuddle puddle in from the previous fail*
The loopy pills haven’t entirely kicked in yet, so I still need some lovin’s.
*keels over onto keyboard*
*drooooooooooool*
*carefully digs cuddle puddle around dragon, for fear she snorks us all*
*fridaysqueeze*
*shifts, controls, num locks…*
Why are you nomming her locks?
Oh … sorry.
Uh oh, this could get hairy.
I am so tressed out!
That’s no reason to snarl.
Careful there, 3Bs — I wouldn’t tangle with Leila…
oh, get knotted!
Curl up and Dye!
Hirsute will be brought to the court any time now.
*Bangs gavel*
The defendant is ordered to undergo shock treatment.
The full treatment, or just a shampoo and conditioner?
I can do cut and style, if you wish…
*combs mind for hair-based puns*
Wave your hair bye bye.
*weaves in*
*squeezes friends*
*weaves out*
YAY! Cuddle time!
*dives into the cuddle puddle*
*rolls in large coffee maker/espresso machine/bar*
Hot drinks seem in order for this cold January day.
*makes himself a hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps*
What can I make everyone?
President of the Universe, please.
Or some cocoa. With marshmallows.
Not even a pan galactic gargle blaster could make you that, so enjoy your cocoa.
*slides Jon a mug of cocoa with marshmallows*
what about a blastastic galacter gargle pan?
I could fry you all into submission. Blastastically.
Or, just enjoy the cocoa
I will just sarcastically enjoy the cocoa. Can you add some Bailey’s to cocoa?
But of course.
*serves Leila a cocoa with Bailey’s*
Mmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!! Baileys! You know what, don’t add the cocoa on the next round. *big grin*
At first I could not for the life of me figure out why you were rolling in a coffee maker/espresso machine/bar. It seemed such an odd thing to roll in.
I think I need a very strong Irish coffee, theng-kew-veddy-much.
*hands DW a dragon sized Irish coffee, heavy on the Irish*
It made perfect sense to me…he made himself into a hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps!
Large soy latte, please!
Coming right up!
*slides the Admiral a pipping hot soy latte*
You gave him the pip!!
No…I’ve already got the pip. The drinking takes the pips away!
Pip pip hooray!
Hmmmm, maybe I shouldn’t have gotten into the schnapps so early.
Pip Pip, old bean!
Please may I have one of what you’re having? I love Snugglers. It seems terribly fitting for cuddle puddles.
*bigCUDDLESNUGGLESQUEEZESforpuddlepeeps*
*serves TripleB a hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps*
Good Dog. Good, good Dog.
*slurp*
*Dives into cuddle puddle*
*Breaks neck at bottom*
*carefully lifts DW’s head*
*carefully covers keyboard with a super-soft ShamWow*
*carefully lowers DW’s head onto the covered keyboard*
Fails never come alone… for the win!
Two fails don’t make a win
but…three rights make a left…
Do four wrongs make a circle?
5 sides makes a pentagon.
And talking to yourself while the decorators are in makes a painter-gone.
Sane people don’t talk to themselves.
I highly disagree, mister; I think it actually makes you saner.
No it does not!
Yes, it does.
Does not!
Does, infinity.
We’ll see about that!
Oh, WILL we?
*slides out of the room*
*calls the asylum*
Yeah hi! I think you maybe interested to add yet another person to your growing collection…her name is Little Girl Blue >ZAP!< Dot Org – Marius's Sista From Another Mista!.
You’re both right. Talking to yourself lets your “insane” out a little at a time. Makes you saner by letting it out.
We agree.
No, we don’t!
Why do you always have to be so contrary?
I’m not the contrary one!
Right, you’re not contrary.
You’re just venting, now.
I’ll show you venting!
I agree with Little Blue Girl… wait, which one was it?
Wait!!! I mean… Little Girl Blue
LGB, I think you’re mad.
No she isn’t, you buffoon!
How dare you call me a buffoon! She’s obviously insane!
It’s you who’s insane! She’s having a perfectly normal conversation!
You call talking to yourself a normal conversation?! Why I oughta…
What? What’ya got, big guy? Huh?
I’ll show you…
♫ And I’ll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats,
And their coming to take me away HAHA♪♫
♫White coats to bind me,
out of controool
I live alone inside my mind♫
♫
Trapped in this nightmare
I wish I’d wake.
As my whole unlife begins to shake.
Four walls surround me
An empty gaze.
Can’t find my way
Out of this maze!
♫
*SNORKROFFLE!*
This is getting insane
Isn’t it just?
Hey, wait, my alternate persona agrees with me!
You’re making a fool of yourself…
Oh, well there goes that friendship.
You’re NOTHING without me!
I am you…
Ohhh bugger.
*runs from men in white coats*
Let ‘em catch you for a while Jon. One small pinch and then the colors……………..aaaaaaah, the colors.
I don’t worry about people who argue with themselves.
I worry about people who argue with themselves and lose.
Roses are red
Violets are blue.
I am schizophrenic
and so am I.
If you let the insane out. Does that make it an outsane?
:rofl:
3 c. flour
2 c. sugar
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1/3 c. cocoa
2 tbsp. vinegar
1 tsp. vanilla
3/4 c. cooking oil
2 c. cold water
Makes a cake
Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy.
…and high?
Almost always.
LIE!
I agree, what sort of crazy cake has salt and vinegar, but no eggs?
cakes need eggs, or they come out like cookies.
Sounds crazy, but it works. And tastes purty yummy too!
I has made nommy vegan cake before too.
OH No! It’s contagious! Quarantine immediately!
he was like “wtfzomgmycamera??!”
I don’t know why that was so hilarious, but a small child just wandered in with an extremely confused look on her face and started crying when I laughed…
Drag racing can be very dangerous. These two would know that if they hit the pavement more often!
Waaaaaay OT before I have to go:
17,000 people were without power here in Northern California last night for about half an hour.
The cause?
A turkey flew into a high-voltage power line!
Turkeys can fly!?
Oh, an Enron trader. Now I get it!
Not well, apparently.
Ah, the hidden meaning. You’re just too clever for me :/
dare I…..
Yes, Jon. The turkey died.
Poor thing.
Poor 17,000 Cali residents.
They were poor already due to Arnie’s financial incompetence.
[Ahnold] Dahmn, Should I cut de tahxes, or KILL DE TAHXES? [/Ahnold]
<Ahnold>Ah’ll be back.</Ahnold>
*carnage ensues*
please tell me how you get the >< without them disappearing…
Ancient LCB secret.
mmmmm, fried turkey is yum
Was the turkey stuffed?
The turkey was electrocuted? Have you seen an electrocution? I’m betting that the turkey looked like it was dancing. You know what that makes it?
*sorry all*
A JIVE TURKEY!!
*rotflcrackinmyselfup*
You owe me a new monitor.
Beverage through the nose?
Sorry.
*RIGLMAO*
*hands ZA his a$$*
Can you put the parts back on when they fall off like that?
Duck tape works wonders AND matches!
DOT ORG!
Ditto
Can I just take some time out to say a massive thank you to all the wonderful FailPeeps?
I’ve been here 6 months now, on and off (half a year already!), which is hard to believe, so though I may *snork* slightly less than when I first read the comments (though I must admit those madlibs had be actually roffling), but occasionally I stop and realise that I’ve got a massive grin on my face.
So I’d just like to thank you for all your hilarity. All the regulars, for your razor sharp humour, which I think you guys don’t get thanked for enough, and for accepting me into your wonderful community – but also for the occasionals, those avatarless lurkers who can sometimes produce the biggest *snork* of all.
Thanks for sincerely improving the last 6 months of my life guys, and here’s to another year of Fail!
Cheer up, you’re brilliant!
I’m not going anywhere…
*squeeze*
*sniff*
I know. It’s just … well … I’m a sucker for heartfelt speeches.
*sniff*
I’m a sucker for felt, full stop.
It’s gotta be magic!
… or possibly elves.
Hee!
*sticks felt to NS*
*wraps felt in bubble wrap*
*has more fun than should probably be legal*
I’ve never seen THAT done to fabric before.
*stares at BbB*
There’s nothing untoward going on here. It’s just all soft and cushiony & poppy & feels good on my paws.
Hmph.
*hands LGB clean ShamWow and a rubber chicken*
*wipes eyes with ShamWow™*
*boils rubber chicken*
*bigfatsqueezesJon*
I feel the same way. I haven’t been on long, but on rough days, I know that I look to the peeps to keep me sane. Saner. Sanish? Ok, they keep me laughing.
I always know you’d love us. Cheers
Do you need someone to say Happy Birthday to you Lurker?
Are you wearing…………..pants?
They’re optional!
best fail ever
Well, it ranks right up there, but it’s not anywhere NEAR as good as the “You Poke You Pay” fail, in my opinion.
Surely the Vicar and his vegetable adventures ranks up there with the best?
That, and the E.T. finger.
Or the goat riding a bicycle. I can’t believe Czuhc never saw that one.
Wow, the elusive Double Fail! I thought it was like a unicorn or leprechaun. People have heard of them but never got one on film. This is history in the making folks!
Failing – It’s contagious
I totally just lol’ed all over the place
CLEAN UP, ISLE 3!
Is it a tropical isle? If so, I will volunteer…
Perhaps she was operationalizing a hypothesis. She read the camera was impact resistant, why not check? The rider? He’s just not very good a what he does…
double fails make a win
*steps out of cuddle puddle*
*wraps self in towel*
That’s it for me kids. I’ve been lazy long enough. I must be off to prepare for my weekend.
*BIGFATLOVINSQUEEZES*
wow..
))
i had to watch it three times, to get all the messages..
Ahh nostalgia. This was my first failblog video I have ever watched
I TOLD YOU TO TIE YOUR SHOES!
DAMNIT!
Did they died?
I love that little quack sound at the end.
Pardon me. This has nothing to do with any of you, but ………..
*SCREEEEEEEEEEEAMS*
*fills mouth with marshmallows to stop the screaming*
*squeezes*
*flees*
Mmmmmmflffdmdffllmm.
♫
Don’t run away
It’s only me.
Don’t be afraid
Of what you can’t see.
♫
Do 3 fails make a win? Or do 3 fails make a tri-fail?
I laughed my ass off on that running guy, guess he got a little bit too exited.
Double fail , thumbs up!
ouh i remember this
*brooom* FAIL
OMG he needs help FAIL
Double FAIL:
1. Drag-bike flips over upside-down
2. Observer runs for help and trips himself over
c-c-c-combo!
*Admits to snickering*
i guess he wuz riding an invisibel bike lolz
sorry, but… where?
I laughed my ass off on that running guy, guess he got a little bit too exited.
Double fail , thumbs up!
Pardon me. This has nothing to do with any of you, but