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Cheezburger Company Blog
I said lunch, not launch!
Yummy, meatball torpedo sandwich.
*Drools*
*Tells failblog to stuff duplicate comment*
The torpedo sandwich looks a little dry…better stick with the submarine sandwich.
It appears baconlube would be of use in this situation.
GMTA Judy! ↓↓↓
For some reason, whenever I see that acronym I think of Grand Theft Auto. What does random violence and car theft have to do with baconlube?
You don’t shoot up a store, car jack someone, beat up a prostitute, and help questionable people when the store is out of Baconlube?
Um … no comment.
I guess that looked bad if you hadn’t played GTA-SA before, but figured as a zombie it would work either way.
WHAT THE FU-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM HAHAHAHAHA AHHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAAHA!!!
*eyes BG warily*
Not usually.
…Yeah…I would never…*mumble mumble mumble*
Let’s hear it for crooklyn!
^5 BG
Repin’ Queens, playa
Your statement sounded more old Atlantic Avenue than Bell Boulevard BG.
You guys are my heroes.
GTA fan?
Just trying to Wedge the torpedo back into the thread.
GTA2 only.
2 and 4.
Torpedo’s blow stuff up.
There it’s back.
Tank u.
*Hoagies*
Wow, Scott, we even mentioned it at the same time! (11:11!!!)
Peeka Boo Torpedoo!
THIS IS TERRIBLE, THATS THE EXACT THING THAT MADE US LOSE WORLD WAR VII
Um…Scotty? A li’l help here?
I tried him on the communicator, Dragon, we’ll have to see if he responds.
Oh gawd…he wasn’t wearing his red shirt today, was he??
*Waits for reaction*
Clicky.
*stifles an unseemly snork*
Worse than dead!
“Let it go, he’s dead.”
That’s what she said!
you guys are awesome
I jus’ canna do it Dragon, I dunna have th’ power!
Climb into that Jeffries tube and get it straightened out.
Give the word Admiral!
How long will it take?
I canna change th’ laws of physics! I’ve got to have thirty minutes.
You have two minutes.
I have spent my whole life trying to figure out crazy ways of doing things.
Well, that life will only be TWO MINUTES LONG if you don’t get us out of here, Scotty!!
Don’t you worry,
captainDragon. We’ll beat those Klingon devils, even if I have to get out and push!“All shes got is’nt good enough,,,What else you got?”
ooooooooold
Well, my age does increase year by year, but it really isn’t nice to point it out to everyone.
Ms B!! You’re all pink and sparkly and flowery!!
*squeeeeeeeeeeeeze*
I felt like I could use a refresh.
*squeeze back*
You’re very refreshing – makes me long for spring!
*springy-squeezes to Ms. B & DW*
*sigh*
Spring!
*looks out windows*
*pouts*
*sigh*
Windows!
*looks at wall*
*pouts*
*snork!*
*pinch!*
Seriously, the view out my window looks like a black and white photo today. Grey unmoving clouds, grey still water. The harbor walls are covered with snow/ice, so they provide the white.
Spring is just around the corner, Avis!
*squeeze*
It doesn’t reliably stay above 50 degrees until JUNE around here.
I have allergies, so Spring is mean to me
.
winter is cool
use snowboard.
At least you can see out. We get this horrible haze in the winter because all the air gets trapped by the mountains and hot air rising cold air sinking stuff. It’s very technical, and it’s crappy. January is the WORST here.
I might suggest Chicago in February. It’s clear and sunny most of the time. It’s also about 7 below zero and windy as can be. I think all of us think we live in the area of the worst weather.
I’ve got you both beat! I’m looking at horizontal snow out my window, and have been all day.
*sigh*
Why do I live in Nebraska?
The land of no topography? No idea, but I went through part of Nebraska last year on the train. At night. In the winter. Not much to see.
*sigh*
Windows!
*looks at Mac*
*smiles*
*sigh*
Mac!
*looks at Windows 7*
*smiles*
How is Windows 7?
Soooooooo awesome.
A-yup! Best MS has ever done, IMHO. The interface is very Mac like, and it’s been very trouble free for me for several months now.
I’m stuck on XP
Still, can’t complain, haven’t had to reinstall everything for about… 2 months now!
*infosqueeze*
Yeah… older than FailBlog, I think.
SO DAMN OLD
A fine metaphor for impotence.
I think it is impotent that the torpedo makes it into the water.
Sinking the ship now would be in poor tense AA.
Impotent? Sounds like a personal problem to me, not that it’s important…
*AAsqueeze*
I prefer idempotence.
Kinda looked like dog po-tence, actually…
If there were another ship nearby, this ship could have jumped up and started humping its portside.
And a double power! I hadn’t seen that before! Have they done that since I’ve been out?
Not that I know of. Ry and… Smegma? Ahem.
Something smells fishy here.
It’s probably just the smell of a Dalek invasion.
♪ Double your pleasure, double your fun.♪
FLATULATE! FLATULATE!!
RING MODULATE!
Quick! Get some GasX for da buttacow! Before she asplodes!
It was double powered, and still didn’t make it out of the tube! How many comments do we need to get it up to full power?
Something vaguely religious should get us enough comments.
Man, I’m so bummed that I missed out on that whole fail. Reading the comments was FASCINATING.
Glad you were there to be the voice of reason, as always, Arthur. *SKA-WEEEEZE!*
*squeeze*
I didn’t say much, I was pleased to see plenty of reasonable people. That appears to be a topic in which the smart outnumber the ignorant.
I know…I wish they would come out and play with us sometimes!
Indeed! There are days when I think that just 20 or so persons read FB. Add religion – BOOM!
EEEEP!
*ducks and covers*
*sees that the torpedo didn’t even make it out of the tube*
Oh. Heh…I thought that “BOOM!” was…erm…nevermind.
*puts torpedo launcher pic up on eBay*
All I can see is this For-Paedo Lawn Chair…
Adding politics seems to get the same result. I’m staying out of it this time.
Let me try something. Follow me down there VVV.
Oh, this should be interesting…
*Cringes*
Please, no more caps lock.
It’s taking all of my will power NOT to comment over there.
I just saw it after checking another site, and clearly didn’t see this post until just now!
Though only just.
Bar the religious debate, there was a lot of
“LOLOlolOlOlOl!11!elebenty! God is imajunerry stoopid creshunists go to skool or suthin!”
On most topics I don’t judge people as being smart or ignorant for what they say, more for how they say it.
I judge them by what I imagine them wearing when they say it.
*snork!*
And very good of you to do that.
Personally, I find bad grammar and “!!1!1!” an instant turn off from actually reading the post.
I judge them by what I !magine them to be wearing when they say it.
What about nudity?
Depends on how cold I am at the time.
No clothes, no judgement, right?
And no service if they’re male, free drinks if they’re female.
Wears off?
More comment power? Our search engines can’t take any more, Cap’n!
That’s our LCB, nothing can phaser.
*is stunned*
*puts a tricorder hat on LCB*
It’s dress up like an 18th century dude day!
*tucks in her pointy ears*
*glues on fake beauty spots to cover up the smallspocks scars*
You look like the real McCoy!
Dammit, DW! I’m a lolcat, not a leech!
Arrgghh! Me transmitte sursum, caledoni!
Hey! Don’t make me get my lawyers!
I AM your lawyer, Scotty!
Just think how difficult it would be to sue yourself.
*squeeze*
Would that make her self-serving?
*sneaks the chrome confetti cannon out*
*lights fuse*
*
safety*BOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!
Neat! I stole the charge from this naval ships torpedo tubes …
Congrats Ry!
How dare those marines laugh at that!
I hate it when that happens.
It’s ok — it happens to everyone now and again.
Scotty doesn’t know that torpedo and me were doing it in his van every SUNDAY
Bridge to machine room. More power.
At that speed it’s more of a torpordo.
Look carefully…read slowly…you’ll get it eventually.
All the officers watched it from a special logy.
It took them dazed to figure out what went wrong.
Turned out to be a short in the confuse.
They were sloth to admit that they’d done something wrong.
Turns out that the polarity was wrong in some of the wiring…they were a bit nonplussed.
The languorage of the tech manual was a bit difficult to follow.
Mortification over a mortified torpedo.
They need to pay more attention to what they’re doing, and look at their checkList less.
they need to get the doohickey and fix the whatchamacallit
Stuponfucious?
Did you just make that up? A google search returns no results.
It’s Mary Poppins, like you’ve never seen her before!
Yes. I thought it might make a nice addition to the dictionary.
That is really quite atrocious.
I like to sound precocious.
I like to sound postcocious.
We have a whole barn for naughtiness now?
When was that erected… umm, I mean, it’s hard…erm… oh bugger.
*follows to the naughty barn*
We ran out of room in the corner, then the room filled. I’m voting for a “naughty building” for all the over stimulated peeps to…
Crap…
*goes to naughty barn*
*joins Dragon*
My mind went in the same direction.
*Follows Ms B*
I wouldn’t have even noticed that I misread that if DW hadn’t mentioned it.
*happy sigh*
Have I mentioned lately how much I adore all my Failpeeps?
*SQUEEEEEZE!*
No. No you haven’t.
*pretends to pout*
*squeeze*
The only problem is, now that we’re all in the naughty barn, where do we go if we’ve been naughtier?
The loft.
A hay loft?
I hear it’s fun to
in.
I had to type carefully in order to NOT say that.
Oh, and the Naughty Barn is a lolcatworld thing. The Naughty Barn has seen it all.
And photographed most of it.
(Psst – LCB – I haven’t gotten my copies of those photos yet. Are they still on backorder?)
Oh! Yes. Yes, they are. They are on deep backorder. Something about running out of flesh-colored toner.
*hides copies of those photos behind back*
Um-diddle-diddle-um-diddleye!
*snork!*
*gets up from the gutter and heads to the naughty barn*
*speaks from podium*
We’re all gathered here today to celebrate…
…bacon sex with a Brazilian on the table?
Bacon Sex?
Howwhatwhywhen? Explain, please do.
*roffles @ Ms B*
*squeezes Judy*
Hickory! It’s good wood to lick!
It will stunt your growth.
That can’t be good for you AE. Slow down and use more BaconLube®.
A torpedon’t.
*snork!*
*standing ovation*
I see what you did there.
I thought they launched torpedos underwater?
Well, no-one launched a torpedo, right?
Well, that’s true.
Nope, they can even drop them from planes.
Yeah, I do know about the air drop torpedoes. I learned about them from a program about the Japanese battleship Yamato, which was destroyed by a flurry of air-drop torpedoes. But when it comes to ship-fired torpedoes, I thought they were usually fired from batteries located underwater. At least that’s how it’s always depicted in Hollywood.
Then again, I should know by now not to take what I see in movies as fact.
Uhm, I honestly know NO ship that launches its torpedos underwater. All naval surface vessels have their torpedo launchers on deck, mostly destroyer class has them mounted on a turret midship to allow it to fire back- and starboard as required. Firing them underwater is no good, the room in the hull is cramped with other stuff down there
.
Only submarines fire their torpedoes underwater, but that’s kinda their point and that’s what they became famous for.
But shipmounted torpedoes always were a very important part of naval battles, as they increased the potential deadliness of small vessels vastly (just take a look at the German S-Boats, British Vosper or US PT-Boats…or the Japanese Type 38. All naval forces learned to employ very small patrol crafts armed with two fixed torpedo launchers could devastate far larger ships for they were fast, small, and their torpedoes had enough punch to crush any armor and potentially cause high damage to the enemy.
Even destroyers were soon upgraded with multiple-torpedo launchers to increase their viability against slow-moving and well-armored vessels like the cruiser and battleship class (as these were too bulky to take evasive maneuvers before the torpedo hits.
some old British battle ships from the WWI era such as the HMS Dreadnought had torpedo batteries located in compartments below the waterline
A perfect metaphor for how the British saw the Argentinian navy during the Falklands war.
This is why we need more Puertoricans! They add power to the torpedos!
*dusts off personalized pink sparkly bat*
*rolls head*
*takes a stance*
*THWACK!*
It is high! It is far! It is. . . gone!
*Crowd roars approval*
*considers taking a bow*
*curtseys instead*
A safe bet Gracie.
I just get such a gleeful grin when I see Gracie wielding her pink sparkly “GIRL-POWER!!” bat.
My daughters have a pink bat that says “Girl Power” on it, but it’s not sparkly.
*considers posting a pic of it on the other FB*
*considers sending glue and glitter*
*Sniffs*
I miss softball.
You do realize I AM puertorican right?
Tch, those trucks just can’t keep away from our law abiding overpasses, can they?
Something must be done. Think of the children!
You see the reason the torpordo did not work is because God did not want it to OK
I can imagine other instances of this going wrong, hehe…
Wow, I don’t know what to say. This has never happened to me before. Maybe we could cuddle for a half hour and try the engagement again?
I hear it happens from time to time. Don’t worry about it. We can talk for awhile.
He shoots!
He snores!
*Snarcolepsy*
*quickly scribbles on Marius’ face with washable Sharpie while he sneeps*
*runsawaywithaquickness*
(What the General doesn’t know is that we secretly replaced his washable Sharpie with a permanent one. Let’s watch Marius’ reaction.)
*roffles at “sneep”*
*Stops sneeping*
*Feels like a new man*
*Goes forth*
Annnnd. . . not quite as refreshed as I thought.
*click*
*submits pic to Failblog*
*Tries to wash off markings*
*Fails*
*Resorts to veiled comments*
The more they overthink the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the drain.
It’s like a slow comfortable screw or a slow uncomfortable poo. One of the 2.
Old
What we have here is a failure to launch.
What we have here is failure to annihilate.
He wouldn’t make for a very good pirate.
What we’ve got here is a failure to communicate. Some torpedoes you just can’t launch. So you get what we hade here this fail, which is the way failblog wants it. Well it gets it and I don’t like it any more than you men.
Sometimes, failure is a pretty cool hand to have.
*squeeze*
*hides in launch tube*
*waits for the Moomin to pass by*
*shoots out of tube to SQUEEEZE the Moomin*
*gets hips stuck*
*manages to squeeze ankle*
*Walks over to tube*
*Squeezes Dragon out of tube*
You gogurt!
*Three snaps in a circle*
Gogurt? *ponders licking Dragon, goes back to naughty barn*
Very wise move.
Heehee!
Hargin’ it’s laz0rz … NOT!
I always keep my “laz0rz” fully harged, thank you.
H’arrr matey! Damn the laz0rz and full speed ahead!
Obama.
McCain makes better chips.
Herrs are cheaper.
What ever happened to Charles?
Testing the theory?
Heh. The comment currently right below this one says:
My dog does the same thing when he gets excited
My dog does the same thing when he gets excited.
Oh, thanks!
*gets out purse*
I have no idea how much to tip for such service.
So I won’t.
*puts away purse*
Haha, first thing that went through my head is Cartman’s voice “Red Rocket! Common boy, RED ROCKET!”
damn, you beat me to it.
Mine does that when he’s taking a poo….maybe the torpedo’s just constipated.
Yup.
I’ve given my fried goods related $.00002.
You might have to give them some time to get over the evolution vs. creationism debate on the other fail.
On a related note, this may be an effective way to keep them too busy to pester us.
i second Avis’s notion
♪ So I’d like to know where, you got the notion ♪
♪ to rock the boat, don’t rock the boat baby.♪
I will hunt you down and force you to listen to your own earworm Marius!
Yikes! I’m in a Fixx.
*Runs for cover in the heat*
♫The heat is on, the heat is oh-on. The heat is on, on the streets. The heat is ….on♫
One thing leads to another? Yeah, yeah…
Rabble Rabble Rabble Obama gays bush god…..Rabble
*inserts “Sc” before each rabble*
*condenses Obama gays bush god into one word*
123.5 points! That’s more than half!
you misssed you tripple word score on Obamagaysbushgod! NEW HIGH SCORE OVER 9000!!!!
*throws tiles back in box*
You cheated! I’m not playing with you anymore!
*storms away*
*hurricanes after*
*Thunders* Play Fair!
*breezes past*
*rains supreme*
*clouds the issue*
*hails a cab*
*Precipitates a washout*
cyclonic action
They took yer job!
DEYTOOOKERJORB!!!!!
Took’rturb!
dfjerooooob!
Gimmebackmylube!
gibberackerloob!
My dog does the same thing when he gets excited
Your dog attempts to fire a torpedo and fails when he gets excited? Damn Nordy, you shouldn’t let that dog play with dangerous stuff like that. Throw a stick or something.
It’s for close range combat. Top secret and very expensive btw, how did it even make to internets?
Because it was labled as “Top Secret”.
Something labeled “Plain Boring” just doesn’t have the same sense of excitement
Wait – how did you get onto FailBlog? May I see your security clearance?
They forgot the BaconLube®.
Bacon makes everything better!
I cant stop laughing!!! I’m actually crying x’DDD.
Wow, you have three mouths? Maybe you should get that looked at.
Which 3 of the 4 out of 5 dentists do you go to?
I would have said one thing: RUUUUUUNNNN!
Imagine that thing exploding anyway! Good luck with filming your burning corpse afterwards!
Old much?
I don’t know. How do you old?
…must’ve been a canadian ship.
*machineguns kyle, then proceeds to kick his remains into a vat of sulphuric acid*
This one’s for Marius.
Trolls executed in my name?
*Starts looking around for Sulla*
We have guided missiles and misguided men – Martin Luther King Jr.
A spirit free to choose for my own share,
What sort of flesh and blood I pleas’d to wear,
I’d be a dog, a monkey or a bear,
Or anything, but that vain animal
Who is proud of being rational.
~ Wilmot
This person also deserves to die
Who?
Maybe Dean O’s talking about himself?
There is a condition in which people talk about themselves in the third person…I think it’s called “personeveration”.
And here I thought it was called “Bob Doleveration”.
He was an acute sufferer. :p
listen here snug face and gimp face you will die along with him
Snug face sounds nice and cosy…
Gimp face, less so. Is it just the mask or the whole suit?
Wait…which one of us is “snug face” and which is “gimp face” again?
*begins to draft a dramatis personae*
*looks over DW’s shoulder*
Oooh! Can I be the femme fatale with a heart of iron pyrite?
I want to be “type face” for the first folio.
You are a font of wisdom but are you sure you want to be type cast?
I just want to look good in print.
You kern do it.
You kern do it allll night long!
Ooh, you guys always pica my interest with your conversations!
*shrug*
Ro-cham-beau for who gets to choose?
I know this will be lost on you, but…
Quick tip: It’s not best to tell people online that they are going to die. It could be construed as a threat, which could land your ass in jail.
How would you like to die?
Listen there personeveration face. Yes, I will die some day as well. But the only way I’ll die along with Bob Dole is if we’re somehow run over by the same bus.
I’m laughing so hard at “personeveration face” that there are tears. TEARS, I tell you!!
My work here is done.
*squeeze*
My geography teacher suffered from this, except she addressed herself with her initials, in the third person.
Jon despises personeveration.
Judy deplores personalization.
LCB’s couch hates anthropomorphism.
GS abhores acronyms.
Whenever I watch movies on my laptop, my crotch complains about the sound quality.
And the Random Comment of the Day Award goes to….(drumroll)…..CLORAL!
Non-seq used to get it all the time, but she hasn’t been seen around these parts in months.
Heehee! I kinda could understand where she came up with those comments ~50% of the time.
… and that’s more than half!
Well. Almost.
crazy when i do the same mine complains about the heat! i feel bad for our crotches.
wait there is more fail
well…that just wasn’t funny. *shwack* now go think about what you did…
made in taiwan =D
MADE IN THE USA
Just because you can’t achieve a launch doesn’t make you any less of a torpedo.
Obvious metaphor…
Damn the torpedoes! Fail speed ahead!”
Damn means Detonate at magnetic nuetral.
i honestly think it just got an erection.
Just out of curiosity, what is the the record for the most comments in the shortest time span for this site? Because I think the one from earlier today just broke whatever record that might have been. 1021 comments and counting. There are no signs of things winding down either.
kind of gives one pause, doesn’t it?
I already have paws.
*squeeze*
I needed that giggle!
*gentle feathery squeeze*
Have you looked over at the rant? It was up to 1,112 comments a moment ago!
I actually read through it this morning just after it passed 800 comments. My eyes glossed over near the bottom, though.
*returns looking more disheveled than usual*
I did what I could to lighten the mood over there and never made past roughly a third of the way down the page. I need to rest.
*still RIGL with NS’s paws comment*
We need sound affects!
Are you trying to launch a torpedo or are you just happy to see me.
“Yeah, we’re gonna blow you up, just wait until we launch our….wait…guys….GUYS!!!!”
Thassa big torpedo, alright… but it seems to be firin’ blanks.
Speaking of missiles that don’t quite make it… this one is old but made me laugh. I’m surprised I haven’t seen it on the Fail blog before.
i actually loled
is this the same boat that Dubya landed on, claiming “Mission Accomplished” ? because that indeed christened said vessel forever thee USS FAIL BOAT, thus leading to failure in launching above torpedo.
stupid w
IM GIVIN HER ALL SHES GOT CAPTAIN!
Have seen this posted elsewhere and long ago called “Ejectile Dysfunction”
I downloaded this video years ago from a military sight.
It was captioned “McHale’s Navy Lives!” with lounge music playing in the background.
ummm that is a “REX torp”. (Torpedo with no explosive) Notice the nice orange color so that it may be retrieved easier when it floats back to the surface. Surface torpedoes are launched with HP air. This one wasn’t pressurized enough.
Yup, thankfully wasn’t extorp or warshot. Also good on Destroyer, easier to recover than on CG. Lack of HP air or open access cover can cause this (had it happen to me couple of years ago).
I play ROBLOX! as Farcrusader on the fun game ROBLOX
You fail. Which is appropriate for this site.
Thats what we get when everything is made in China.
I’d laugh if that exploded momentarily afterwards. Ah, the joy of billions of dollars.
I would laugh if it exploded in your face
It’s funny how many comments are related to tax dollars, and money in general…there was just a problem with the pressure valve. No one would have gotten hurt, and no this didn’t waste any of your tax dollars, which I am sure 85% don’t pay anyways considering your high school status. And gimmecheezonthatbap, why would have that been funny if it had exploded? You think it would be funny if our own servicemen died at the expense of a failed pressure valve? If so, you need your head examined, because I don’t think that to be funny at all.
That says the Navy Seargent: ‘Sailors, (please) reload the torpedo and try again!’
(‘Aye aye, sir!’)
Or how about: ‘ARR! Buccaneering torpedo launcher swab! Reload the torpedo and try again, me hearties!’
(‘Aye aye, sir!’)
That happened to me on the loo today :/
I think they need to try something more powerful than baking soda and vinegar.
Never go back to a firework that didnt go off.
Now what the hell you sposed to do with that.
Stoooneoooold fail is stoooneoooold.
i love the star trek reference <3
Is there torpedo extenze?
Failure to Launch! Quick, get Sarah Jessica Parker to hit on it!
Just wondering after a torpedo launches it should explode within minutes if not seconds lol
Old classic
Spah sappin mah torpedo!
OMG I would have shit my pants
very funny.
Funny… but a true FAIL would have the torpedo exploding a few seconds after the video ended!
It’s not a torpedo…
Wait, where was the little “Bang!” sign that was suppose to come out with it.
boner
Wow i guess it saw the Titanic
Wow i guess the battleship saw the Titanic, Wink Wink
erectile disfunction fail
Wow i guess the battleship saw the Titanic, Wink Wink
woowwww it’s reaLLy perfect .d
but a true FAIL would have the torpedo exploding a few seconds after the video ended