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Cheezburger Network Blog
my dreams are shrededMy chicken got breaded.
I have no idea where this is headed…
This is exactly what I dreaded.
I need my butter spreaded.
Where are the Ninja Turtles when they are needed, um, Ned?oh how we fretted
That doesn’t really rhyme…
But soon you’ll be deaded!
Been there, done that. It’s somewhere else I’m headed.
So I whistled for a cab and when it came near..
I found I had no money for it and for a beer…
Sadly, this is where the song ends.
Thanks for playing the game, my friends!
not really though
we still had one more verse to go
so that means amazon.com is full of people who think…
“right, i am an absolute looser so i’m going to buy Boyals album but I have 1 ounce of dignity left so i must find a way to destroy the evidence”.
this fail pretty much proves my theory.
So I stole it from a store, so near.
Oops, my pants I just wetted.
Was it because you drank too much unleaded?
His inhibitions he has shedded.
*shows pics ’cause his memories not embedded*
That response is very nicely threaded.
I read this conversation and sweated
I’m not sure where this thread is headed.
Have all these rhymes been properly vetted?
(*Thinks that Scotty should be careful about using the word “vet” when he’s using his doggie avatar*)
This moment is watershedded.
*takes harness off Scotty*
Who thought he could be dogsledded?!
This conversation is stating to make me feel lightheaded!
With this fail I actually don’t get it…….
Those two things should not have been wedded.
That's what she, um, verbalized.Cccccooooombooo breeeaakkkaaahhh
Hahaha!!! You just reminded me of an old song by Anthrax called “I’m the Man”.
Thumbs up for that one!
I’m so bad, It’s a crime.
“I’m the man! I’m bad! I’m so bad, I should be in detention!”
You should be beheaded.
*waves*
Now all the comments have been readed.
It’s my pants that i forgeted.
If you were to say that in my school, you would’ve gotten Saturday detention and possibly suspension.
Sorry, I meant to say that for “a ghost of an idea” ’s post.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL THE FAIL PEEPS!
*BIG SQUEEEEEEEEZE*
Woooohooooo!
*slightlysmallerbutstillquitelarge SQUEEZE*
*counts the days until xmas*
*counts the working days until xmas*
*cries*
*hands Aja a festively decorated handkerchief*
*christmassive squeezes to all*
My boss just said I can leave!
This is my last day of work until Jan 2!
Yay, for mandatory site shut downs.
If I don’t see you guys, have a good Christmas and happy New Year.
*BIG SQUEEZE FOR THE WHOLE BLOG*
Sorry I mean Jan 4th 2010 is when I start back at work.
Have a wonderful Christmas Jules.
*puppysqueeze*
*MerryCHRISTMASsqueeziesTOall*
and to all a good fight!
I’m tired of fighting the good fight.
Huh? No, I said Merry Christmas to you too!
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOOOOOOOO!!
*festoons the blog with mistletoe and holly*
*sets up the Christmas tree*
*puts out the Hanukkah menorah and dreidel*
*turns on the holdiay lights*
*puts pressies under the tree*
I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS!!!
*pours the egg grog*
*puts more fail ornaments on tree*
*fixes the blue string on Dragon’s holid
iay lights**straightens the tree topper*
*Wonders where that RAPE Appliances “FOOM-Toaster3000″ I ordered is*
*Wraps IOU note*
*puts “It’s a Looney Toons Christmas” on the CD player*
*pops figgy pudding in the oven*
*sets Vince Guaraldi CD down to play next*
*stands snow shovel up in middle of the dance floor*
*drinks egg nog*
*throws snowball*
woooot! Thank you! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!
I love my fail peeps even thought I rarely see you anymore.
Happy Holidays to one and all!
*ExtrabigFailpeepsqueezes*
*squeezieseverybody*
Yeah, what he said!
Product placement?
Can you name the remaining Ps?
Price and Promotion.
A in GCSE Business Studies, thank you verry much.
Aren’t there four Ps?
Product and Placement are two..
DUH! That’s right. I will go to my corner of shame now.
*decorates Corner of Shame with fairy lights and tinsel*
Don’t be so sad Leila, join the party!
Yippie!!! It’s lovely.
No “I”?
Now that’s just sad!
Depressing!
Melancholic!
Disheartening!
Bummer!
Yet somehow… depraved.
Oh, shut up!
That's what she saided.And you wroted.
Dreams get shredded all the time…
Mine seem to have been this morning. Blah.
Was it the Spam Cookies™? I’m sowwy.
Eh, it’s just been a rough morning is all. And I was in such a good mood too!
*festiveholidaysqueezetomakeitbetter*
My sympathy Ms. B. I have been feeling a little rough this month, but you, among others on this site, have made me smile even at my lowest.
*HolidaySqueezeMs.B*
My whole week has been like that. As was the latter part of last week. This morning was weird – I started hearing the old Ren and Stimpy “Happy Happy Joy Joy” song in my head. It didn’t help, but at least I feel less mentally stable than I have in weeks.
Oh. Well, enjoy anyway.
FaceBook, my sweetie Leila.
*hands Leila present shaped like shoebox*
I hope you like them. I had to guess at the size…
Yes I know…
I did create a profile a couple of weeks ago. 
Totally boring fact: My feet are so small I can never find my size at the stores.
And you didn’t add me as a friend because …. ?????
Leila, I feel……hurt. Why have you forsaken me?
Whaddafu? You, too, Starfishy? Hmf.
LGB – Thanks so much!! I waited in the last fail until everyone left. I was a little concerned about the shape. A Microphone!! How lovely.
*kissycheekLGB*
WAIT! WAIT! I am not leaving anyone out. All I did was the ‘fix and forget it’ thing. It just reminded me that I create it. Honest. How do I go about finding you guys?
Are you there under your real name or your FB alias?
FB … and still with the chocolate lava.
I’ll look for you and you can look for me. I’m under “LittleGirl Blue.” Make sure there’s no space between the “Little” and the “Girl.”
Wait, your real name isn’t Leila?
Wait, your real name isn’t Starfish?
Ha! Now I will find you my pretty!
Over 500 results for “Leila.” Can you narrow it down any for me?
I found 4 results with the combination of Leila and chocolate, but none of them seem to be you.
Wow…I didn’t know I was so … generic.
I will go find you.
LGB, I found you. I giggled at my Security Check password thingie … honorariums Hatchets.
If you do a search for “Dragonwriter” you will find me, Leila! Feel free to send me a friend invite if you’d like.
*runs to the other FB*
Ooh, ooh! Add me! I’m friends with both LGB and Dragon, and I have my old avatar.
*bats eyelashes at Leila*
Nebbermind. I sent you a request.
I think I wear the most common size shoe, very rarely do any make it to the sale rack.
How lucky and unlucky for you!
Same promise Avis. Very common and sold out quickly.
You promise it’s a problem?
well, maybe. the Susan Boyle part is. otherwise, it’s fine.
*THWACK!*
Thank you. This guy’s been giving me the pip.
Once companies started to realize that not all women are 5′5, it became much easier for me to find footwear. I have about five pairs of extremely kickarse boots that fit me perfectly now!
oh, I am actually 5′5″….and I think my feet are much too large….size 8.5-9 US
Shoes are actually the least of my apparel woes. JEANS are the hardest thing to shop for! Why they seem to not understand that women have hips is beyond me.
I hate spending big money on a scrap of material that just hurts me and leaves red marks on my ribs. Bras are the bane of my exhistance. Even more so than my ex-husband.
By tigers that come at night, apparently.
Tiger comes at night?
No wonder he got away with it for so long.
LEILA! And I’M the one with the dirty mind?!?!?!?!
Um…dang it!! I meant like, goes to visit the girls at night … crap!
*SNORK!*
Ummm, still dirty Leila!
*lil spank*
Yeah…I guess I deserve it. Somedays, I type fast and not realize what I am saying. rofl!!!
Mm-hm. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. You “didn’t realize” you were being naughty. I believe you, Leila.
rofl!! To my defense this isn’t my first language. Let me slide just this one time — it’s Christmas after all.
*bigPuppyEyesBlinkBlink*
Hey! Give those back!
Sorry. I promise to give them back once I am finished.
Hee!
*gives Leila a candy cane and piece of gingerbread*
Happy Holidays! *squeeze*
Heehee, you can borrow them any time.
*big Leila and DW squeezes*
[cynical]And explains how he didn’t spot the fire hydrant…[/cynical]
[blake] Not burnin’ so bright now, is he? [/blake]
what is this guys?
It’s the little room in the front of the plane where the pilots sit. But that’s not important right now.
I picked a terrible week to give up sniffing glue.
*festiveholidaysqueezystarfishy*
Striker, striker, strike her!
*superLGBeezyholidaysqueezy*
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
Do you like it when Scraps rubs up and down on your leg?
What are your intentions?
The white zone is for loading and unloading only.
Excuse me, miss, but what’s a tad? Well, in space terms it’s about half a million miles.
I am :[
… and stop calling me Shirley.
shirley. huh. a strange name, but not as bad as some of the fantasy names i’ve seen.
Can I thwack him with a commercial airliner for breaking the combo?
Please do.
*sits on luggage to watch*
# there is only one
(pop)
river #
Striker, listen, and you listen close: flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.
What can you make of this, Jonny?
This? Why, I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl…
Roger, Roger! What’s your vector, Victor?
And that’s when my drinking problem began.
BBB, have you ever been face down in the mud, and been kicked in the head with an iron boot? Of course you haven’t! No one has! It’s a stupid question! Forget I even asked!
Oh stewardess! I speak jive.
Say, johnny… Have you ever been in a Turkish prison?
Foo don wan’ de hep, foo don get da hep.
*looks around for naked men*
*calls police*
# but you have spit out beauty like an idiot
why did you chew up shinies with a paper shredder #
eu ri alto kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Id Patt That
*puts metallic wrapping paper through shredder*
*tosses resulting confetti*
*sneaks into rental hall*
*turns on Christmas lights all over the celing*
*sets cd of various Christmas songs to ‘repeat’*
*drags large sack of prezzies in, distributes one for each failfriend under tree, each gaily wrapped in foil papers and ribbons*
*turns on lights in kitchen, revealing fully stocked bar, with assorted alcoholic beverages, sodas, juices*
*wheels in trolley of hors d’ourves and baked goods*
*leaves note: *Several staff out today, and pesky attorneys decided to work. Must miss party, so I left these goodies for you. I hope to pop back in later! Love to all, Judy”*
*sneaks back to desk, grumbling all the way*
*festiveholidaysqueezesJudy*
You’re so thoughtful! Thank you!!!!
*puts some mettalic wrapping paper through shredder*
*throws resulting confetti*
WOW!!!
Only thing missing is the cuddle puddle.
*digs hole*
*requests firemens to fill with hose*
*decorates with tinsel*
Will this do?
Sure! Except, what are those things floating in the water?
ummm, probably firemen.
Floating firemen? Do not want.
*runsaway*
*tut*:roll:. Nothing I ever make turns out right anyway.
eh? i thought …
..? Whaddafu?
*dives directly at the floating firemen*
Thank you, thank you, thank you JON!!
*pops briefly out of puddle to give Jon a cuddle*
Ooh, LCB will be happy, too, once she gets here. Be sure to leave some firemen for her!
*squeeze*
*dives in and scoops up some firemen*
There we go Leila! They were just treading water, s’all!
*squeezes3Bs*
You mean the floating firemen didn’t died?
*runsaway*
*brings some 245-trioxin*
*uses it to reanimate floating firemen*
Better?
*SQUEEZE*
*sets up karaoke machine*
Yay!!! I hope you have ABBA on there!
♬ SEE THAT GIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL!!
WATCH THAT SCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENE!!
DIG IN, THE DANCING QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!! ♬
♫My my! at Waterloo Napoleon did surrender.
Oh yeah! and I have met my destiny in quite a similar way.♪
# Happy New Year
Happy New Year #
What, too soon?
Throw in the Macarena and I’m in!
♪ A-la na na na, na na, macarena, que tu na na na na macarena, HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY MACARENA ♪
*Does Macarena*
WoooHooo!!!
*starts to sing off key*
♪ Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan’t live, I can’t live withouuuuuuut youuuuuuuuuuuu, Can’t liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive ……. ♪
Tibu libu dibu dowtchyu.
Ken Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee….. widowtchoo…
The blog monster ate my *Clicky for the lyrics* comment…
Still…
Oh GOD, there are actually lyrics for Ken Lee on the `net?!
*goes to dark corner, sits on floor, hands grab knees, rocks back and forth and back and forth and back and forth…*
There are. It was a fail here. It was subtitled, as I recall.
Yay! My favorite afternoon activity!*joins cantthinkofanametoday*
*sings “Castle On a Cloud” in his best falsetto*
Cossette? Is that you?
Maybe…Le Mis always reminds me of this time of year because in Highschool my drama department put it on in the spring and we were deep into rehearsal during the winter break. That year, the drama department all went to England for New Years. Imagine a tour bus full of kids singing Les Mis through the English countryside.
Wow, that didn’t seem as nerdy back then as it just did when I wrote it.
Doesn’t sound nerdy at all. To me at least. I want to see a production of Le Mis very very much. Maybe next time it hits Chicago, I’ll drag Rooster to it. Or maybe I’ll make that a girls night sorta thing.
*sighs dreamily*
I absolutely LOVE that show — and I love the idea of singing Les Mis on a bus through the English countryside (though the French countryside would make a tad more sense).
I guess I know what I’ll be listening to this afternoon.
I saw the original Broadway production in ‘89, it was amazing.
*Leaves strong eggnog and gift on Judy’s desk to make her feel better*
Drink it after work!
…and call me in the morning!
*sneaks in*
*puts cheery juice c0cktail on her desk*
*sneaks out*
Enjoy the delayed drink later.
She gets to enjoy it twice.
*Brings in BIG bowl of wassail, and presents for all the Failpeeps*
Careful with the Wassail everyone, it came out kinda strong.
*cuddles into puddle*
wtf?
My sentiments prezactly, thatguy.
What guy?
Which guy?
that guy with a tye-dye tie
And I’m the guy who likes pie.
SUPER TEENAGE MUTANT HERO TURTLES!!!!
Special guest:Susan Boyle!
FAIL!
I dreamed a fail about Susan Fail.
I also dramed a dream. But I forgot it =(
and I made a typo, too
8|
Off topic alert: My mother called last night and asked for my assistance. She needed to find an ugly sweater for the ugly sweater contest at her office. She no longer has the one she wore last year (we threw it out, it was really ugly), so that meant we had to buy one.
My mother spent $40 on a HIDEOUSLY ugly cardigan that she will wear only once. I think she may be slightly nuts.
What does she win? Eggnog, surprise, bragging rights?
I don’t know what she would win. But this years’ sweater is a doozy. It’s bright, BRIGHT turquoise with a Santa appliqued on and presents too. PLUS rhinestones. Plus pearls. Plus sequins. On the front, on the cuffs AND on the back. This thing is UGLY! She better win!
Why is something like that forty dollars?
Make sure your mother kills it with fire when she’s won.
We may keep it so I have something to wear to such a contest some other year.
Something like that is forty dollars because someone will pay it. There are even people who will pay it AND wear/give it because they think it’s “cute” or “pretty”. These people are insane.
We could put these people in straight jackets, but those look too good on them.
They’d just find a way to Bedazzle™ those jackets anyway.
Sanitarium worker: Qwaz, you Bedazzled™ your name upside-down.
Qwaz:*glances down at jacket* Looks okay to me…
*Hops after Qwaz with hot glue gun and pearls*
Your not done my fine feathered friend!
Qwaz has feathers?
*looks down at gloriously bright teal sweater*
*checks applique’d Santa and gifts*
*views pears and rhinestones at cuffs*
WHY DIDN’T SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING EARLIER?!!
It looks good on yo…..forget it hun, I like you too much to lie. Throw it in the fireplace or save it for a contest. Know anybody you don’t like?
I have one I could have donated, if I had known. The hubby’s grandma used to give some pretty bad ones. I still have one.
Just make sure you buy a sweater shredder as well.
Hee! Hee!
At least she knows it’s ugly. You could have her walking around dressed that way and thinking it was okay.
She’s a graphic designer. She has impeccable taste in clothing. I’m having a hard time believing she even considered wearing that monstrosity.
Even more of a reason to credit her sense of humor.
I went to a smallish holiday brunch (fewer than 20 ladies) on Sunday. More than half of the ladies were wearing scary holiday sweaters. I almost asked if it was an ugly sweater party & why nobody had told me — but (thank goodness) I realized before I said anything that the ladies just really liked their sweaters.
I silently chuckled to myself … a lot.
Next year, I intend to find her one that lights up. Come h#%% or high water, she WILL win one of those contests!
*snoooooooork*
I need to find myself a New Years Eve dress this weekend. *groan* I’ll do my best not to get one that’s hideously ugly.
Get it and trash it.
More like screenshot fail, eh?
At least he didn’t actually shoot the screen like last time…
or scan a mirror and wonder why there was no reflection on the computer screen when he looked into it…..
I think that was a yahoo question, yeah it happened. Old fail.
off topic alert #2: the war of FailBlog is raging. “FIRST” posters are running amok. there is only one way to win this. experienced FailBloggers! I call upon your power and influence! I have found Gno’varrein, THE BLADE OF EPIC WIN!!! (I could never get tired of that echo) I have discovered THE SCROLL OF UBER HAX!!! VICTORY SHALL BE OURS! we must proceed to PWN THE NOOBS!
*backs away veery, veery slowly*
*uses BLADE OF EPIC WIN!!!! to spread penut butter onto bagel*
*raises eyebrow*
*shakes head sadly*
*sighs and walks away*
…Except that invoking the Scroll of Uber Hax can only safely be done by a select few, and I don’t think even your type can withstand it backfiring. Not even taking 55 levels in Badass will help you. (All the Scroll or Uber Hax does is burn everything, anyway.)
That and your proficiency is “FALCON PAWNCH.” You’ll probably end up with Epic Fail without a bladed weapon proficiency.
i think the person who took this Fail
somebody please teach this guy how to use “PRINT SCREEN”
No! In the name of all that’s good and fair and only slightly disturbing, NO!
Unless YOU want to be the one to remove the broken monitor bits from the printer this time
Yet if he did, trolls would say it was photshopped. Still not a win for the submitter. And seriously, not everyone knows or can figure it out easily. I just learned a week ago. No one told me how many steps were involved!
Amazonian Baku?
Would have been better if it was Lamberts CD, but still funny
♪ Shredded dreams are made of theese… ♪
Now I’m tired. I need a squeeze.
*SQUEEEEEZE*
*SKA-WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE!!!*
*supersqueeezey*
Thank you all!
I read your posts, Arthur. Have I mentioned recently that you totally rock?
I’ve been reading them, too. I admire your perseverance, Arthur!
*squeeze*
*squeezitysqueezesqueezin*
Much holiday cheer I wish for you AE.
The same to you!
*squeeze*
At least my perseverance…
Thanks Dragon. That was exhausting. Good that you liked what I said!
*seeyousoonsqueeze*
Well, we seem to be pretty much on the same page where politics and ideology are concerned, and it’s a pleasure to read posts from someone who actually understands that argumentation works SO much better when you have actual facts. I just wanted you to know that I appreciate your knowledge, compassion, and rhetorical prowess!
*festiveholidaysqueeeeeze!*
Keep fighting the good fight Arthur.
*squeeze*
*festiveholidaySQUEEEEEEEEZE*
*SNORK!* I didn’t see your squeeze when I gave Arthur my own just above you!
Slight OT comment–
Winter break is here! This means I can spend more time with my FailPeeps!
Downside: Winter break is here! This means other (more trolly) children are off too.
The PTB should see an uptick in requests to “take care of” trolls then.
What’s uptick?
The same as a henweigh.
Is that more or less than an Updog?
If your updog has upticks, should you have it put up?
That would be too much of a put-down.
Better than putting it down, I’d say.
You should have it checked for sublime disease.
If I lived in New England would I have it checked for grinderlime disease?
Yes, and if you lived in Florida you would have it checked for Keylime disease
And if I lived in England I would have it checked for Blimey disease?
Yup, and if you lived in the mountains you’d have to check it for climb disease.
And if you lived in france youd have to have it checked for mime disease
Is that an alimentary disease?
i hate that bitch. check out my site failordie.com
How is that a FAIL? Epic WIN!
Damn straight!
Pfft, this is most definitely a win.
Amazon wins actually. You will need the shredder after listening to that crap.
What’s with the Susan Boyle dissing? She’s got a good voice even if she’s not you’re cup of tea. I think it would have been a lot funnier if it had been Chris Brown. Or Nickleback.
Ummm…
The real fail is the screenshot acctually…
Someone just took a PICTURE of his/her screen…
Lol.
/epicfail
I think “I dreamed a dream” should be replaced with “Twilight” or “New Moon”
@jam
I see what you did there.
COMBO BREA- oh…