Christmas Lighting Win
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where is the previous fail ?
It was too rude! They’ve removed it from public viewing. Eep!
It pissed someone off.
Weeee!
Badum tish!
Great!
BOOOOO!!!
ACK!!!
*leaves thread to change*
*clicks “record”*
*makes like Santa*
ROFL!!!
Woman to woman, I want to know how you managed it.
Funnel.
Something like this?
go-girl.com/
Women’s lib has come so far since the days women would self-aim into the men’s urinals at the old Boston Garden.
*snorekitty jumps straight up to ceiling and clings there, back arched and yowling*
*sigh*
Great, do you know how long it took us to get the snorekitty down last time?
*Goes off in search of ladder and chain maille armor*
*offers shotgun*
Where did you get this? Have you been by the side of my bed Arthur?
*shuffles feet*
FTW? Arthur! Are you a secret kitteh hater?!?
Hmmm. Dunno. Can we still call it “secret” when my favorite shirt says “I shoot cats for fun”?
Relax, peeps… it’s a full can of beer, upside down with a hole in it… now, prepare to swallow!
Maybe AE could pack his load with a light spray of catnip?
*realizes all the innuendo possible in “pack his load”*
*hears a distant shuddering, rumble and high pitched whine coming from the innuendo machine*
You used this tag, eh?
All Hail the previous Fail…
Pretty awesome Photo within a Photo, within a Photo…
Whut? Oh sorry.
Now I’m confused. Are we
ing, 
ing, or 
ing?
Let’s do a Haxored. We haven’t had one for aaaaaaages!
True. That’s funny!
Not that funny
Don’t you like it?
I think it’s a bad idea
You both?!? I’m soory!
Wow, way to screw up. Sorry…
*goes off to hide under desk*
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
r
ing r 
ing r 
ing. …
Don't cross the Beams ^ .Else urine trouble?
... 'cause it's time to evacuate.…and be left feeling empty
... 'tis the hollow days season
… when people may get bladdered
how could you even stand theyre and take that picture? WTF
Xmass puddle?
It looks like it’s burning him, maybe Dr Czuhc can help.
It’s actually my specialty. Peeing barbed wire, we call it.
The reward for living life on the razor’s edge.
At least he isn’t having prostate problems.
That’s a wee bit inappropriate isn’t it?
At least he didn’t go in the chimney.
That would put the fire out.
That’s another of my specialties. Smoked sausage.
I bet that sets off cries of Salami
... and Xmas bows.He did, Nr.2…
You just made it
snow peeYellow Snow by Wee Pee Freely.
Nanook, a-no-no!
Hooray!
*Must scroll entire page before posting*
*squeezes the pee out of Marius*
*Squeezes*
*Bladderpod bursts*
Sorry.
*Feels seedy*
*feels Marius’ seeds*
Time to plant!
…or should it be “Marius’s”? I always get the plural ‘s’s mixed up…
eeewwww. …
Oh, don’t worry. It wasn’t really pee … it was a string of Christmas lights.
Would be funnier if it were animated… and lights raced from top to bottom.
“Rusty Bedsprings” by I. P. Knightley?
When you gotta go, you gotta go!
I gotta go…..
*runsaway*
…and leaves a trail*
I think he needs a TVT.
ya think the lights tinkle?
He was blitzen for a bathroom…
I thought I saw him prancin’ around before he made it.
I never took him for a dancer…
He can dash with the fastest!
Then it Donnered on him to just Comet to peeing off the roof
I think it's rude off him.Cupid, really. I’m sure there’s a porta-potty in his sleigh.
♪ Watch out where the huskies go ♫
♫ And don’t you eat that yellow snow ♪
Its ok… Santa pisses holiday cheer…
It looks more like he is pissing fire.
Failblog dot Zappa org!Wait till the water turns black
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…
♪♫
Oh the weather outside is frightful,♪♫But the sleigh flier is so pee-lightful ...
‘God damn tiny chimneys! If I can just drop a couple of millimeters I may just squeeze through…’
hmm ... and how many drops make a milliliter?It depends on the size of the dropper.
And the length of the dripper.
Though true, the dependence is weak for the
most common dropper sizes – the surface tension
and density of the fluid are more important. For water, the number is twenty. I knew that chemistry
BS that took me ten years would be useful someday.
Your chem foo is weak.
How on earth do you get quite that much pee, out of such a little man…… Granted he drinks alot, but good grief people.
It’s a long haul from lap land.
Not to mention all those sherrys in such quick succession.
Even so…..That must be at least half his body weight!
He was over land when he realised he needed to go. He had to hold it in until he found a chav’s house.
Sooooo….Santa is really a thin man with a distended bladder.
I think it’s a combination of that and having gas.
Suddenly, I know how he manages to get down the chimney.
….that and a girdle.
Does that not mean if he got too close to the fire… *VSHOOOOM!
That’s obviously how he and the reindeer take off again after every stop.
Fire works in the holiday season.
Santa is gas powered??
How do you think he gets himself back up the chimney?
Welllllll… he puts his finger to the side of his nose and…
blows out a big old snot?
I have had it wrong all these years I guess :-S
It’s all the milk (and cookies)
santa got a klamydia infection, poor santa.
always wear a condom!
yep, that’s what i do
if you want syfilis by the way, let me know!
Oooh. ME ME ME!
Can I have mumps?
If I had thought, I would have saved my swine flu in a bottle for later use.
But I want MUMPS! Mooooommy! MUMPS!
my mumps, my mumps, my lovely moomin mumps
*admires Moomin’s mumps*
*envys Moomin’s mumps*
I give you mumps if you give lump…hihihih
*Reports Ms B for carrying hamthrax*
Klamydia and Syfilis? Neither sound too dangerous to me.
Does that mean we have to work on those words? How about…
Klamydia Kaos, the Destroyer.
Syfilis the Sorceror.
what about
klamydia 2.0 – the revenge of the fallen
2.0 sounds too technical. My biggest fear would be that I couldn’t assemble it correctly or that the operating system needs an upgrade or something.
ok,
klamydia two – pee fire you pig!
hows that?
*quivers*
Actually… Chlamydia Chaos sounds quite good.
I always thought that if it hadn’t been an STI chlamydia would be quite a nice baby girl’s name.
Bwahahaha!
You are not the first….A friend of mine had to change several childrens names recently….
When my best mate found out there was no ‘Book of Names’, and you could literally call your kids anything you liked, she set her heart on Lampost and Lightswitch. Luckily she’s yet to have kids. Or perhaps yet to find the willing other half…
Oooooh! ME ME ME!
You’re a willing volunteer today. Feeling adventurous?
Bored out my head.
I think he wants a baby marshmallow called Tonsilfrond.
Kibble, flump and The Hierophant.
What about Strawberrybuzzard?
Now you’re being silly
But I like it, I think it’s pretty.
I’ve encountered both Thorin and Magellan as given names. (And then there was my own mother, who told her straight-laced mother-in-law that she planned to have a boy and a girl, and call them Jack and Fanny – one needs to bear British usage in mind here, not US.)
I met a guy named Thorin a few years back… I also met a guy who named his kids Takodah, Rodeo and Moxie.
A woman named her kid Maconium.
When she was born, the RN muttered something to the doctor about it being a “maconium” baby.
I knew a girl in high school who said she wanted to name her daughter cesarean. Moran.
My sister wanted to name her daughter Electra. Thank goodness she settled on Suzanne.
She build a house on Suzanne??
Past tense.
just make sure you sleep in the nude, and leave some milk and cookies by the bed. i’ll swing by your house tonight…
got a long list to do!
Do the people not the list, do the people not the list.
How about you do both?
How about we do both?
How about I do you both?
I think we need a list to know for sure who does whom.
Everyone –> Everyone else
or… swinger party at my place, bring your std’s!!!
My baby, baby does,
My baby does me good…
Ooh
She really really really really really really
Does me
Agreed. Avoid confusion at all cost.
You go first.
Must I? Okay…
FIRST!!!!!11!!!!!!!1!1
THWACK!!!!!
Oh…whoops…sorry about that, Arthur. I didn’t recognize you.
Form a queue. I’m here for you all.
When were you last checked?
The other day. And I got it all, baby!
*squeezymissdizzy*
Blood and urine sample, please.
At the same time?!?
Hand me that stapler.
*squeeze*
Oh, god, sorry LGB, I seem to have smeared my samples up your back.
You’re supposed to smear them on my *mumbledy*!
point taken, that would have been embarrassing…
Are you new? Haven’t seen you around before.
no i’ve been here since yesterday.
in the std game i’m a vet though
You don’t capitalize, but you punctuate. A contradiction, diller? A conundrum? A quandry?
it’s a statement! just living the dream.
Without capitalization, it’s hard to tell if one’s cummings or going.
Actually, for a time I punctuated without capitalizing, but that was cuz my hand was partially in a cast and capitalizing increased the length of time it took to write anything and everything.
what about an enigma???
We could use a vet around here.
Welcome!! You should get an avatar and stay here to play permanently. Go to gravatar dot com. It’s self explanatory.
By vet you meant veteran, right?
I hope he’s not giving STD’s to poodles.
if it comes on to me, the poodle must suffer like i do.
You better not have infected my poodles because…I will…GRRRR!!!!…UGH! I will do something!!!!!
go ahead, i’ll just d!ckslap you. then you’ll die a slow and painfull death from my countless diseases
Write him a stern email! Let’s see how he deals with that.
Somehow I don’t think just a stern email will do.
A stern telegram?
A singing telegram that also can karate chop?
A port telegram?
How does that work?
I like it that the answer to “are you new here” was “no. Since yesterday”.
Time moves s-l-o-w-l-y on FB. Sometimes it feels like eternity. It’s like dog years in human terms.
great! thanx, will do!
There’s also this very handy manual:
ht tp://failpeeps.wordpress.com/faqquity-faq-dont-talk-back/
oohhh i feel welcome! And also i have to say sorry for my spelling and grammar…i promise i’ll try harder!
Wait, is Maki new as well? How long have I been gone?
Not long Leila, there’s quite a few new faces.
Well…i’ve stop by a few time in the past. But actively in about 2 or 3 days… Thatt’s what happens when one as too much time on his/her ands…and i don’t wanna waste it! so, just to say i like it here…it’s cozy
*orders sign from signage shop*
*waits two weeks*
*receives sign*
*plugs in*
*sparkle*WELCOME, Maki!*sparkle*
wheeeeee!!
*looks like a litlle girl in x’mas night*
Well, thank you all, but i’ve got to go. sadly…It’s 6pm here, work day is over.
*distributes squeezes all around*
*squeeze*
See ya’ later, Maki!
Maki has been here for a few days… and has a new clickie going to youtubie of a portuguese queen tribute band. Since I never learn, I clickied it and listened. Not a half bad band.
thats my bf’s band. thankx for enjoying. they have more videos, check them out!
)
(sorry for the pub
Santa wears a condom?? TMI…
(is it cuz he’s got all them Sherrys on his nightly trip??)
Not any more…
When you gotta go, you gotta go.
Ha ha!
Don’t you mean “Ho ho?”
I am not!
She’s too polite to say that.
*jumps up and down in an attempt to erase post*
*shouda read comments first*
*squeeeeeeeze!*
*squeeeeeezeBack*
up on the rooftop
click click click
when mother nature calls
you answer quick quick. …
*snork*
Do not want!
He spelt his name wrong.
He needs to work on his pencil grip.
He farted and it threw him off balance.
Cursives! Soiled again!Write him a script. He’s incontinent.
♪
I say, pee pee writer --Oh I see, what you have done there. ♪
Mom always said: “don’t eat the yellow snow”
*mumblemumble*
*swallows*
I said “why not?”
Not enough vitamin. Try the brown variety.
Dog pudding.
Can be enjoyed before you eat your meat.
I don’t think “enjoy” is the right term here.
:ick:
How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat?
oh! It’s an “entreé”???
More of a “exitée”, I’d say.
That appeteases my senses
It’s a fin gourmet
At the “Golden” Corral
Arthur eats his own meat??
Sausage!
*hides the yellow food coloring and makes like a reindeer and flies outta here*
It’s one puddle I don’t care to cuddle in.
What is wrong with a P!ss stained gutter?
I take it that’s a rhetorical question. Yes, it is.
I agree. Never answer a rhetorical question with a question.
*squeezyformyfavoriteglittergirl*
*Squeezyformyfavoritebluegirl*
I am known to tell my only child that she is my favorite.
…and that I want to be just like her when I grow up.
My daughter is 12 and an only child, as well. I tell her she’s beautiful and that she needs to go to college and to pick up after herself and to feed the dog and to brush her teeth and to take a shower and not to be late for school…
WHAT??? You are teaching her to be responsible? What kind of parent are you????
*squeeze*
I do wish mine was still 9 or 10. *sigh*
I’ve heard that this age is quite special, and I totally agree. She’s a doll. So loving. And she’s really able to help more around the house. She does a lot. She does so much in fact, she gets an allowance of $5 a week.
That is sooo sweet! Mine was like that up until she turned 13 – then all hell broke loose.
Yes, I know my days are limited. I’m soaking up the sun while I can.
Did yours go nuts at 13, or what happened?
Mine hated my guts for about 4 years. It was more heartache than anyone can take. I look back now and wonder how we made it thru.
That happened to my sister, also. Hers just went off the deep end, got violent, etc. I don’t think they actually ever recovered. They talk now, but my niece lives on the opposite coast.
Nothing can prepare a mother for stuff like that.
I’m not looking forward to those years. Mine are 10 and 8, and they still like to cuddle with mommy.
*gets misty-eyed*
*squeezes Leila & LGB*
*squeezeGracie*
Think positive.
If and I say IF it should happen, remember never blame yourself. I forgot to do that.
*squeezes Gracie*
@ Leila: Yes, my sister did exactly that. I felt very bad for her. No one could do or say anything to make it better. Time was the only way to heal.
*squeezes Leila until she squeaks*
If you want proof that mothers and daughters can stick it out and survive the horrible years, Mama Bird and I are still friends. She drives me batty sometimes, but we’re still friends.
I don’t remember being that way with my mom, but she & my step-dad were out of town a lot on business when I was a teenager. That may have had something to do with it.
SQUEAK!!! Pardon me!
Avis, my baby and I are exactly at that place right now. It’s beautiful!!!!
Well, let me tell you ladies, growing up in Africa, you do not have teenage phases or whatever. You just grow up and do for your family as they do for you. Teenage stuff was new to me here. I think this mindset made it hard for me to relate to my daughter at that level. Just added fuel to the fire.
i was the only hell my mama ever raised…and boy she raised it well
Not to worry… next year, she’ll become a teenager and forget everything you ever taught her.
nebbamind… didn’t read down far enough.
(@ Leila)
Ahem….
*taps foot>/A>*
JUDY!!!!
*POUNCEtacklesHerOtherFavBlueThang*
*squeeeeeeeze*
*skaweeeeeezysistaJudy*
*skaweezies backatchaboth*
That wasn’t fair of me, anyway. I don’t even think I made my presence known before that post. So all is forgiven. You, Leila my love, can have as many favorite blue thangs as you like!
*pouts*
I’m blue but I wish I could be festive. I’m just not ready to release the blue cupcake. There has to be a mourning period out of respect for the departed, I think.
We live here more often than not!
Yes but do we died?
Always!
*squeeze*
“you can’t live until you die”
Stolen from the succeedblog, posted a week ago.
Fail Blog does not “steal” fails. Fails are not copyrighted. kthanxbai.
You mean I can’t just fail once and make a living out of it forever after?
This is an outrage!!! I demand there be a special Failer’s Association of America fighting for failers’ copyright…
1. Fail is not a noun, as you seem to think.
2. Photos can indeed be copyrighted, moron.
BTW: What made the previous fail so bad the PTB took it down?
I guess it was offensive to children…or parenting…or both
Now that’s just wrong!!!
Very.
:[
Are you as glad as I that you missed it, Avis?
*birdiesqueeze*
*nods head emphatically*
Yes, yes I am! I !mag!ne that the comments (if it was on the blog long enough for comments) were worse than the ones on the newest fail.
Reminds all of us to do our duty and VOTE! Too bad there isn’t a strong thumbs down or report as inappropriate option on there.
I saw the pic and decided to cruise some other sites. Glad they took it down.
I left just as soon as I arrived. I really do appreciate them for taking it down.
eeewwwwwww…..
Oh noes!!!!!! I’m glad I missed it!!!!!!
I’m glad somebody complained…. One of the regulars, or did the PTB suddenly grow a conscience?
Must be sudden cuz I saw it somewhere a few weeks ago up for voting. …
-hands out the mindbleach- yeah i dont mind off the top stuff, but that was bad even to me, and im not one to judge pretty much ever. that pic though crossed the line with me. if the children werent there i’d have just said ew, but children should be protected BY the parents, not EXPOSED by them to that kind of filth -rant over- sorry
i want santa to piss from my roof!
Traumatising Kids’ views on christmas globally…
Tobb, I’ve asked you to be banned before for posting shit like this here. Knock it off.
You are asking way too much when you tell a troll to ban itself.
LOL … just now re-read that…
You know how lazy they are.
Asking? Or telling?
Yes.
Toilet humor, there’s something we never see around here.
I’m sick of these imäges on this site. I’m suddenly ashamed of myself and I think I will go to church more.
what kind of church…a fail Church?
Church of the Poison Mind.
♪ Do you really want to hurt me? ♪
Nice to see you! I wish you got to play more often, AV.
♪ Do you really wanna make me cry ♫
Nice to be seen, thanks, LGB!
You love it really =D
now all we need is a skiny little black girl to stand under him and claim that she did not want it…(even though she did)
WOW! Seriously?
ya then we can court for everything he has *evil smile*
Plus i can make a wonderful Christmas Card with the pictures
Hopefully there aren’t any more trolls here.
… I thought everyone was a troll
Nah. You just look like them. ^^
We’ve got one who is hanging on a bit, but I’m sure that will work itself out soon.
At least there’s no hate. I can’t abide the “N” word in particular.
Amen to that LGB
*peacefulsqueeeeezies*
I hear you loud and clear.
*BlueLadiesGroupSqueeze*
*peacefulsqueeezyzooomyandLeila*
Definitely not seeing the point in the hate.
Becasue there is no point in the hate..
only a joint in the crate
oh, and becasue is a new word
*looks around suspiciously*
I saw what he did last summer….
NO!! I thought I got rid of ALL witnesses!!!
Ah, so YOU dod what they saw last summer?
*Sneaks in. Exchanges “i” for “o”. Leaves.*
YOU SEE!!!! LOOK EVERYONE!!!!
I’m not the ONLY one to do it last summer
Clearly, thos os giong ti be hard ti love diwn.
*squeeziesBGeezies*
I was going to ask what had just happen up there…i didn’t even know what a “troll” was… now i know…the hard way
*sympathysqueezes*
*squeezes back* kthanx
Unfortunately, it’s a definite way to learn what not to do. And to figure out if you’re really a troll or not.
“do not feed the troll”
(with motherlish voice)
I always heard that
We aren’t always so good about that part. Sometimes it’s fun to poke the trolls. But we end up paying for it. Every single time.
Sadly we get a lot of them here. There was even a troll-spotting guide made!
Troll identification and other useful stuff (clickie).
Hehe!!! Avis knows all too well about that site.
Clickie was meant for those in / lurking this thread who didn’t know.
I kinda figured that’s who it was meant for.
I’ve probably felt an inclination toward every symptom of trollery at one point or another. Does that may me a troll? <— said the hijacker troll… owait, is that hijacking?
Is this the front of the house where the deer was hanging with bloody lights?
If it is, that would mean Santa’s lost it again. We’re all on the naughty list.
That’s a W(ee)IN(g).
No! NO! NO! Santa! I said I wanted a Wii for Christmas!!!!
That’s one giant willy.
studded for her pleasure.
Ahh, so the email address changes the icon…
OKAY SO IM PRETTY PISSED. THIS WAS STOLEN FROM ME. IT WAS ON MY PEOFILE!
Don’t you mean POOfile?
>.<
dont think it was intentional……sure looks funny
santa taking a peepee
4 people 1 pup.
1 comment, wrong thread
Sparking Piss anyone?
I gotta be honest, these puns are the worst jokes I have ever heard in my life. They are so bad, it makes you want to kill the people who made them.