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Cheezburger Company Blog
BMW WIN!!! ELEBENTY!!!
Paging Arthur.
*pages*
*snorks*
*grrrs*
*anklesqueezes*
Rumour has it that Audi responded with a goatse show.
*anklesqueeze*
I hope the BMW had two cup holders.
I thought the new BMW had 4 cup holders? Taking it to a hole new level. Comes with it’s own role of duct tape too!
I hope the moon roof was open.
No Moonroof? BMW for sale with minor ceiling stains!
The guy asking to bring chicks home is a douche! Here are more ways to make sure everyone knows your a douche!
If he’s doing hisself in a BMW then there’s not gonna be any ceiling stains.
He opens it on Thursdays, this was on a Tuesday. Saturday is Freak Fest!
I open it for the New Moon on Monday, and a firedance through the night.
♫ Baby you can drive my car ♫
So thats what that song is about. Who knew the Beatles were so risqué’.
Sooo, you don’t know about “yellow submarine”?
Don’t get me started on “Yellow Submarine” or “Norwegian Wood” …
one wanker, two cup holders?
The voyeur was checking for a mate.
*watches Arthur’s moves before squeezing*
Is it ok for me to squeeze Arthur as soon as AA stops? Or should I wait a minute or two. Does it matter?
Wait a couple weeks in case you get a better xmas present.
Give him 15 minutes.
Damn social etiquette rules.
*Arthursqueezeatappropriatetime*
I can’t afford any additional presents.
For a second i thought w4m 31 were his car numbers.
*Brazenly and intensley roffles*
I find it hard to believe you are ever brazen and intense about anything.
Do you mean, you find me flippant and silly?
I figure you you for a nice, sweet, innocent, shy, and …. well you get the drift.
*snork*
What? I was thinking of asking you to go to church with me.
*squeaks*
*runsawaywithaquickness*
Not your crowd, huh?
Pick me! Pick me!
*shakes hand violently above head*
I have been a very, very good girl.
*shoots spitball at missdiz*
Blog pet.
*pulls Black Garnets hair*
*look at book pretending to study*
Now, Now, Now, Play nice. I would hate to have to punish you.
I’d probably hate it more
*nyer nyer
*blows rasberries*
*hides*
TO quote the Wicked Witch of the West, “I find you my pretty!”
*offers Black Garnet pudding from lunch box*
Have you got any homework I could do for you?
I have a twinky I’ll share….um…did I just say that?
Yay
Pudding fight!
*fills bowls with custard from the pool*
Twinky’s a bit soft. But I do love the cream filling.
So would you rather have a long john?
I have trouble with my work and need tutoring all night to figure it out. I’ll bring the…grape juice…*shifty eyes*
I just finished my fix of Tiger Woods moments but feel like I’ve been tossed into bed with Joslyn whatever her last name is.
yeah, all nighter…must remember to take vitamins.
*throws custard over thread*
That should keep you guys awake!
*runsawaywithaververyfastquickness*
Yogurt, girl!
K@’s custard is all over my face!
*nose appears around the corner*
Roffles? with rollnuts? *beams*
someone was watching me? i KNEW i should have taken the minivan instead.
Is that your stickshift, or are you just happy to see me.
He likes to keep his hand on the steering column.
Spray some words like “FREE CANDY” for better effect.
You know you wanted an audience. That’s why you parked under the lights.
And opened the moomin roof.
Let the fire-dancing commence!
Every move you make,
Every w@nk you take,
I’ll be watching you
In the middle of the night,
I go w@nking down the street,
to the river so wide
♫ I can hear you w@nking in the air at night
Oh lawd
And I can hear you coming all night
Oh lawd♫
♫Breath in now breath out
Hands up now hands down
Back up back up
Tell me what you’re gonna do now
Keep w@nkin’ w@nkin’ w@nkin’ w@nkin’…♫
You put ur right hand down, right hand up
down up down up
you shake it all about
you do the hokeycokey and you turn around
thats what its all about!
Well.
He certainly sounds like a nice guy…
He’s in touch with himself.
But is he in touch with his feminine side?
I’m not sure that’s a sound anyone needs to hear.
The Love Muscle huh?
I would say he wa a shellfish B@stard….
*sets chickens to kill mode*
You’ve got killer chickens?
Cooooooooooool.
My chickens’ sole criminal talent is breaking and entering through the catflap.
Well since I broke them out of a battery farm……they have wanted revenge!
Wonder what happens if I poke thAAAAAHHHHH GET THEM OFF ME!
Hmmm, my plan may need refinement.
*tries to catch rampaging poultry*
Can poultry really rampage, or do they just fake it?
Have you ever been on the recieving end of an angry chicken? They are psychotic on occasion……plus they are a tad pointy for my liking!
I have been hen pecked a time or two, does that count?
Yes…1…2…3…4….
I can only count to 21, myself. How far can you go?
*pauses*
*looks around*
*shrugs*
All the way!
*winces*
Really?
*Blushes*
Have you never played Legend of Zelda!?
You poked. You paid.
♫killer chickens ques ca say
cluck cluck cluk
cla-cluck
cluck cluck cluck
and he run run run
run runs away ♫
Oh oh oh
hey!
put that thing away!♫
(with apologies to talking heads)
That’s quite enough sax and violins for one fail!
Stop the violins, give tiger sax a chance?
Je te plumerai la tête parlante!Photon ovos away,
But Captain, I giving it all I’ve got.
A BMW AND a big d*ck???? Not highly likely.
Audi do that then?
Great place for a Hummer.
Maybe that’s why I want a BMW.
*rubs chin*
Hmmm.
A BMW just make you think you are well endowed.
That’s why I drive a Hyudai….;-}
Can I ring your bell?
You can honk my horn.
0.0
*goose honks*
*duck quacks*
*C0ckerel crows*
Swan song
Budgies going cheap, want one?
Did you learn that parrot fashion?
Nah, one of my mates was raven he had this great new joke.
Wren was that then?
Just after he had been robin car parts.
Bad puns again? Remeber, tucan play at that game.
But I heard Emuved? Is he still there starling?
These puns are starling to bore me.
Dammit! refresh you silly old bird!
he’s been ostrichized, that’s why he moved.
*runs in puffin*
Tada
*runs out again*
Florence Nightingale reckons your breathing doesn’t sounds healthy.
Well, this is a pheasant conversation.
Forget my breathing, my heron is terrible!
I gannet take it anymore! *runs off like a loon*
Oh stop that, you look like a tit.
perigrine the thought
Everyone here seems to be having a lark.
Careful, he’ll give you all the eagle eye!
is that a tit, or a booby?
Hee! You guys are pretty swift punners today.
It is no use thrushing yourself you know!
These puns make me feel like a loon.
You’d rather we brought them to a finch, then?
40 days is enough
Was that Tiger Woods in the BMW? He wrecked his caddie so now he’s going after beamers?
Why would he wreck the guy who carries his clubs?
With no one to carry his clubs, there'll be a ... caddie lack.Either way he’ll win, stars always do.
They just need to iron out a few problems, they were going through a rough patch, but they are out of the wood now.
Your description suits them to a tee.
But he might need to find a new driver.
I want to know how he managed to wedge all those flings into his schedule.
He is just sandy with his balls.
(jeesh I cannot believe I just wrote that)
I’m…
I’m…
I’m not gonna touch that even with the help of Tiger’s putter. …
You have a fairway to go before you’re up to Granny standards then.
In this company, that could be a handicap.
It’s a trap!
putt, putt, putt…..It was just a pun
Seems he’s got plenty of massagers to keep his driver happy. …
Forget the tosser in the BMW. The 56y.o. chatroom guy’s a pedoFAIL!
He could want an 18 yr old. Still legal. Just way too young.
I agree, he should be at least 60.
And he’s not even old enough for a real gerontophile …
I am aroused by this fail, but I am too afraid and embarrassed to comment any further.
Bwahaha! The reply on the second one is a win!!!!
I have to admit if It was me int he BMW, I’d replay and request a picture of her…with some form of proof that she’s hot. If so, hey, she seems to be into different things.
A w@nker in a BMW?
As if that would happen. Oh wait…
The WAA (W@nkers’ Association of America) has highly recommended BMW for the purpose…
wheezing choking and coughing with laughter.
Hmm.
Nobody else from ca?
Anybody?
Please?
Tiger Woods posted recently on Craigslist
http://orlando.craigslist.org/mis/1503040836.html
That BMW one isn’t a fail, it’s a win!
Did he die?
ROTFL
If you’ve ever been in a yahoo chatroom, you’d realized that everyone who left or entered were all a bunch of worthless bots. Kinda hard for someone to find love when there are no real people there.
The BMW one is definitely FTW. And while the question about how long to wait after the wife left is fail, the response is a win.
that first one was probably to catch a predator, cuz they r mad smooth like that
oh god
that’s right around the corner from where I live
why am I not surprised
moar funny pictures
Please tell me that’s not Maryland?
Look!..Who Says Romance is Dead?
it works
http://cheezburger.com/view.aspx?ciid=6111967&vk=2yZ%2fQidCJNqonYv4tFFx8PIR1wBhlZQF9EMMWQ0E8esxkC7LQ4Q3%2fcPg2b6nsReX
That looks exactly like me and my name is derek. D:
The craigslist one is strange but not really a fail. Some women just have fetishes of watching guys pleasing themselves.
Sucks because I live in DC. ugh
these are unusually disgusting.