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I wasn’t distracte…LOOK A SHINY!!!!
Hey Ms B. I can’t see the picture…so…how you doing this morning?
I’m doing well, but what a ghost town it is here this morning!
*watches tumbleweed roll across blog*
What are you talking about? There’s LOTS of activity going on here…
I just got busy at work, honestly why do people start phoning just as a new fail appears……
It’s like they know…
But they don’t know we know they know we know!
But who knows we know they know we know that they know we know?
I don’t know.
I do. But I won’t tell. :p
*all-knowing, all-seeing*
*shakes can of spray paint*
*aims at all knowing eye*
There, take that!!
*squints*
*blink.blink*
*blink.blink*
At least you could have done that with a better color than green…
but it was on sale, right next to the chain saws….
*pout*
I like green. It’s my favorite color. Nothing wrong with green. Money’s green. Everybody likes money.
Is it John Deere green?
No, it’s that kind of pukey green. You know, the kind that looks like … well … puke.
But not baby-poop green? Because that will make me puke!
Aw, c’mon LGB….why did you have to reveal that? Here they were thinking it is the color of money…
*goes off in corner to pout*
*wishes image hadn’t been shattered*
*waits for cuddle puddle*
No, no. It’s that pukey type of green that you see when you … well … puke.
*pouts in corner with zoomz*
*cuddles with zoomz in sympathy*
I know it was a pretty green Z.
*pat, pat*
th..than…thank ew BBB….
*offers ShamWow for tears*
Tears, shmeers. What about my eye?!?!?
I always wanted to have green eyes. Now you have green eyes. What do you want from me? Symapthy because you now have the eye color I always wanted?
There, there.
*sarcastic pat, pat*
Still love you LGB. ♥
*sistasqueezie3Beezies*
I didn’t know that it is unknown if someone knows that we know what we know — that they know we know about the unknown knowledge.
*mumbleweknow…theyknow…weknow…mmkay!*
Got it!
I know nutting, nutting!
Can you keep it down? Some of us are trying to get some sleep.
♪ WAKE UP! WAKE UP! RISE AND SHINE! YOU’VE HAD YOUR SLEEP, I’VE HAD MINE! ♫
You’re one of those “morning people” aren’t you?
Ha ha! Not really. This was just an annoying song my mom used almost daily, and I wanted to spread the joy.
*bops, shimmeys, skips, dances into failspace*
HELLO HOWDY HI AND GOOD MORNING!!
Please excuse my exuberance, but I’m happy. I’ll be seeing my girl-kid tomorrow!! Yippie Yay!!
Yay, 3Bs!!!! Are you going to introduce her to us? If so, when (so that we can be here)?
I’ll be dragging her with me on Wednesday. Short day at work.
Kewl!!!!!!! I’m going to be “working from home” all next week. I’ll be sure to pop on.
I really want her to meet you all. I’ve told my roommate about you guys and she want’s to read through as well. Turns out, I like you people. Huh.
*scratches head*
Go figure.
*shrugs*
You reminded me of a very traumatic childhood memory, Ms B: Every day before school, my mother would come into my bedroom, flip the light on, and say, “Rise and shine! Get cracking!”
Every. Stinking. Morning. For. Years.
I had it a lot worse. My step father would wake my siblings and I every morning for nearly a decade to go to school. Every freakin’ morning he would sing as loud as he could, “Oh…how…I hate to get up in the moooooorrrning!”. When he got to the word morning, he would yell it in this high pitch annoying tone for as long as he could.
*shudders and shakes back and forth in the corner*
My Pa had this habit of simply turning on the lights in the room … AND PULLING THE BLASTED COVERS OFF THE BED. Made me hate mornings something fierce and taught my sister to punch anyone near her when she wakes up in the morning. True story!
When I’d stay with my dad in the summertime I’d have to sleep on the couch. Every morning at 7AM without fail my dad would be in the kitchen (next to the living room) playing crying-in-your-beer country on the radio. Loudly. This is the reason I can’t stand country music.
*twitches*
*quickly throws on some classic rock to soothe Gracie*
*thankyousqueeze*
I apologize in advance if I offend anybody by saying there are only two types of music I hate: country and western.
*twitch.twitch*
Hey LGB, did you hear there’s a new type of music that’s a fusion of the two?
.
.
.
It’s called Crap.
(Ba-dum-tish)
*golf craps*
I know it’s not popular, and I don’t really listen to it that often, and I do avoid Western, but, having said all that, I do love some Country.
I think it’s ’cause I always liked story time.
I once had coworkers threaten to ban me from the building before 10am because I was such a morning person. We finally came to a resolution, and I just stopped whistling in the morning.
But they let you keep tossing confetti everywhere, right?
*gives the evil eye*
Whistling before 10 a.m. will get you killed where I work…
For some reason the whistling in Kill Bill just popped in my head.
Yeah… how does that saying go? If people were meant to jump out of bed in the morning, we’d sleep in toasters.
*snork*
For some reason the whistling from those annoying ‘Bob’ commericals just popped in my head…
Toasted custard….mmmmmm
One of the guys I work with told me that I owed him $1 because I used the “g” word (good) in the morning. I told him to start me a tab, and walked away singing the “Good Morning” song from Singin’ In The Rain.
That’s just cruel
*stands and applauds*
The other guys that were in the room laughed.
I like you, Gracie. I really like you.
ditto
She’s pretty easy to like.
My mom did something similar.
♫Wake up, Wake up you sleepy head.
Get up, get up, get outta bed♪
I got in trouble for throwing things at her during that song.
*still grumbling at the memory*
Moms can be so cruel.
Indeed. But mine passed a couple of weeks before my 30th birthday so it’s still a precious memory.
You guys had sweet moms. Mine just yanked the covers off the bed and said “Get up. If you take more than fifteen minutes, you’re walking to school. And by the way, it’s snowing.”
I feel your pain, JW. ^^^^^^
I got the icewater bath if the song didn’t work.
At least I had it better than my sisters.
We had one year where we were adding on to the house, and the upstairs bathroom (tile floor) was on a wall that had all the insulation stripped from the outside while they did the construction, so that winter the floor was REALLY cold. When my sisters didn’t want to get up, dad would pick them up out of bed and lay them down on that bathroom floor… they got up fast then.
I’m having trouble loading the site at all. Did someone forget to pay the interwebs bill?
Yeah, I finally just got back on the site. About an hour ago something glitched and I had to completely reboot my system.
I’ve been having issues as well. It must not be morning-y either.
It’s a screen shot from MySpace. A girl got a speeding ticket and made on comment about it on her status via her phone. A friend said that sucked, but it was probably because she was on MySpace and driving.
Yay multitasking!
Thank you for the explanation, but i still don’t get the fail… so what if she updated her status via mobile?
Distracted driving kills.
Soo??
It’s a fact, not really funny at all…
This site is called FAILblog, not FUNNYblog…
Thank you…are you filling in for Capt. Obvious today?
*squeeziefordabuttacowanddalittlefluffyfishy*
People are assuming that she updated her status via mobile while driving – not necessarily taking into consideration that she may yet have been still pulled over to the side of the road when she updated her status.
Seconded
Or even at home, sitting on the computer after GETTING home, and not in the car at all (because, really, if you’re pulled over by the cops, why would you be on MySpace anyways?)
Neither can i.
Hi by the way.
Are you a … potato?
That’s a dangerous thing to be around this part of the internet.
*looks over shoulder*
You didn’t bring a priest with you, did you Arisonas?
Oh no not again! I almost stole the potato a few fails ago until Brewski gave me a clickie explaining the horror of it all.
*starts shaking and shivering again*
*takes Arisonas and carrot*
*gets out big pot*
*makes Vicar stew*
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm………….stew!!
First!
Fail… second : (
In more ways than you realize.
Yes. Yes, you are. You can cross that off today’s to-do list.
hahaha
That was quite poignant, kmzr. What’s your take on existentialism and its affect on modern philosophical doctrines?
duh…………….what?
People are already too focused on themselves so I think they already define their existence by whatever they think gives their life meaning. Existentialism, if I remember right, was primarily used to describe a certain group/type of philosophers from the 19th and 20th century who were focused on things that gave meaning, purpose, or proof of their individual lives existence.
As for modern philosophical doctrines, we shouldn’t even bother trying. Most of it is crap. If you are referring to existentialism in the sense it is used to describe people in the current times, then I would say its affect is to devalue and destroy anything worth calling modern philosophical doctrines.
That said, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU LGB! It’s STILL too EARLY for that!
Just having a bit of fun at kmzr’s expense, sweetie.
Nope. Coffee doesn’t do a thing to me. I’m bouncing off the walls drinking “NOS” energy drinks. It’s the only one that does make me hyper.
Sorry for the boring literal reply. I had to do it or my brain was going to asplode.
LOLZ — I figured someone here would reply — just dint think it would be you!
No, I promise I am very shallow.
Funnily enough, the literal reply saved me. I heard existentialism and I started singing “Existential Blues” in my head. It’s an old Dr. Demento song. It was painful.
I just remembered that somebody once described the movie I ♥ Huckabees as “an existential movie about existentialism.” I wanted to hit them.
The heart and orgasmic ‘ahhh’ suggest she’s rather excited about this ticket. (?)
Perhaps it’s for a musical…
I dont think so its for a musical.
a ticket.. the first ticket, i think this reffers to a speed ticket or an other traffic ticket, like Suzie said, propably its because she was at the phone and driving or s.t.l.t.
anyway, shes an idiot
Really!? No musical? Ah man, what a shame.
Missdiz, I think you’re on to something here.. I think you should write “speeding ticket, the musical”!
I’ll back the screen play. I think I’d like to see that from the front row!!
Great idea.
Right. The Hoff plays the cop. No question.
And perhaps Britney as the offending driver?
Ooooh, the possibilities.
*buys tickets in advance*
*immediateky issues refund*
Failbloggers would not need to pay. This one’s on me, guys. Opening night, want you all there!
Free pie and icecream for all.
*steals back ‘k’ hoping no one notices*
*subtly drops in spare ‘l’*
Ooh, thank you!
*squeeze*
missdiz, I don’t believe I’ve seen you here before, but you’re really quite charming.
No, you’ve not seen me. But I’ve seen you.
I’ve been watching you from behind a curtain for months building up the courage to come and say hello.
Hello.
(Didn’t mean to sound AS creepy and perverted as I may have done there.)
*gasps*
So… you’re my stalker?! It’s so nice to finally meet you!
*squeeze*
Welcome to the fun missdiz!
By my count that the 2nd lurker in two days. WE may have to do some lurker baiting to see if there are any others out there.
*loud whine*
But, I wanted to be your stalker!! I even introduced myself as a stalker on the first comment I ever made!!
*sobbing*
*heads to quiet corner*
A squeeze, eh? On second thoughts perhaps I did mean to sound that creepy and perverted.
(for some reason there’s no ‘reply’ button on your comment, Gracie, so have replied above you)
Oh, it appeared below. God this is complicated. Will up my game soon, I’m sure.
Hello all. Thanks for the welcome. Enjoy the pie.
Here’s everything you need to know, missdiz:
ht tp://failpeeps.wordpress.com/faqquity-faq-dont-talk-back/
*orders sign from signage shop*
*waits two weeks*
*receives sign*
*plugs in*
*sparkle*WELCOME!*sparkle*
missdiz, there used to be a bit that said, “comments won’t nest below this level” but it doesn’t come around anymore. Snooty thing. Anyway, that’s why there’s no reply button.
kmzr, you kinda look like my friend BBB. If you actually are my friend BBB (having an identity crisis) then you can stalk me, too. If you’re not, then stop impersonating my friend or you will find out what my personalized pink sparkly bat tastes like.
*happy dance*
It’s me!! I was mocking someone and almost forgot who I was. No bat necessary.
*stalks quietly*
*leaves gift for sparlky bat*
*leaves chocolates for Gracie*
Oh, man. I hate those sparlky bats!
Here, lurkers, lurkers, lurkers…
It will be easier to lure them in when we have the cuddle puddle with all the alchahol. Free drinks = lurkers.
Mmmkay, but what’s “alchahol”?
*hic*
It’s liquor after you’ve been drinking for a while.
*shameface*
*goes to janitorial closet for bukkit*
I will expect the PIE! Gods help you if there is no pie! The pie is the whole reason I am going!! DON”T FORGET MY PIE!!
*cough*
…sorry… got a bit excited there…
*cuts in line in front of Gracie*
*brandishes ET finger at LGB*
Are you sure you want to be in front of me?
*getsbehindGraciewithaquickness*
Muahahaha!
*goes to get in line*
My eye!!!!
Watch where you brandish that thing Gracie!
Sowwy.
*squeeze*
*marks calendar*
Stupidity strikes again
*whack*
Dammned stupidity
Stupidity has formed a union?
Is there a way we can keep them on strike? I don’t really want them to come back to work.
But then there would be no Fail….
Maybe we could just get them to arrange a boycott of the comments section.
But then we might need to concede to some demands.
Well, they are the stupidity union, so hopefully we can give them some stupid concessions. They can have all the nun-chucks and trampolines they’d like.
….and some fire.
Don’t forget cameras. Need to capture those amazing “hold my beer and watch this” moments.
can anyone explain this fail to me?
Yes.
*points* Your explanation is over there.
*searches bag for powerpoint presentation and pie charts*
*gives up*
*eats pie (chart) instead*
Wished you shared that pie with the rest of us.
Pie! I love pie! There’s a variety in the breakroom for anyone to enjoy.
NOMS!!! What kind???
*frantically searches*
I haven’t had sweets in a month…going through withdrawals…
Breathe Suzie, Breathe.
There is PIE in the breakroom.
*finds paper bag*
*slowly breathes into bag*
Ok…sorry about that…
Sorry, that was a misspelling: It’s pi. Sorry again.
Thank goodness, I was wondering how I’d figure out the area of this circle I have.
Oh, that’s ok…don’t need them anyway…
Now you’ve gone and made me hungry! Pecan pie would be absolutely perfect with my cup of coffee.
Oh, why did you have to say pecans?
*drools heavily on way to breakroom*
Yummmmmm…
*hands Judy a ShamWow™*
Btw, Happy Friday!!!
*squeezesforfailpeeps*
Blogmonster keeps eating my Friday squeezes.
*failpeep squeezies*
Sounds like Blogmonster is hungry as well.
*gives Blogmonster some pie*
*squeezes Failfriends*
*HappyFridaysqueezesallFPs*
*peepsqueeziestoall*
Oops. I almost forgot who I was.
Pumpkin pie?
*looks hopeful*
Would you like yours with our without streusel? And personally, I think I’d pass on the pumpkin pie if Ryannon offers you some of hers…
French Silk?!! My fav!! Tanks Ms.B♥
Ooops, sorry. I can print you out another one …
So long as it is cherry.
*flutters eyelashes*
O yes, I’ll have a cherry flavored pie chart. Make sure there is enough ink to print out another one.
*tries to print*
*paper jam*
*pulls out paper*
*little corner tears off inside printer*
*swears like a drunken sailor*
It’s coming, guys … just give me a sec.
♫what can you do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning?♪
So FB may be a tad borked….
I shall discuss this with myself untill people return
Soliloquys away..
I’m not having issues…yet…
*starts looking paranoid*
It feels like turning up to work on a weekend, when you are sure it is Monday.
You’ve done that too? I thought that was only me…
Most people have, just very few of us admit it!
I haven’t done that very often… I have however, gotten up randomly in the middle of the night and started getting ready to go to work, only to have my wife come in to the bathroom and inform me that it’s only 3am and that I should go back to bed. (I love my wife).
If anything beeps at the same pitch as my work phone…I start answering “Thankyou for calling the legal helpline, Kat speaking how can I help you”
Which can be embarassing in public.
There are days like that when we should all come with disclaimers. I take it you have an “auto-answer” phone that chirps once and then you’re on with the caller. Been there, done that… don’t wanna go back.
Hence the reason I am here so often!
One time I showed up on a day I had requested off. Everyone just busted out laughing….except me
Dangerous driving: as long as it is only yourself you put at risk, I don’t really care.
Continuous myspace updates: *snore* why do I want to know every little thing you do, I am not your stalker.
If you’re not my stalker…
We’re putting names into a hat later, to see who gets the honors.
*puts name in hat*
*puts name in hat*
*”borrows” hat*
*throws out all other names*
*fills hat with 5,000 slips with “JW♂” on them*
*puts hat back*
*walks away whistling*
*steals hat and runs away with it*
I’m not sharing her. She’s mine.
*feels incredibly loved*
Thanks, guys. I love coming here.
*thanks everyone else for taking the blame*
*continues to stalk – from underfoot*
AE gave me a shiny new nut cracker yesterday. I’m just dying to use it ZA. That’s my pigeon you’re stalking there. I was given permission to stalk.
Just make sure you leave mine out, I have been way to busy to research anyone recently!
*writes name on numerous small pieces of paper*
*mixes them up in the hat with the others*
I’d like to put in a request for a handsome single male stalker who is over 35 and willing to sweep me off my feet, please.
“Broom provided”
Hmm… I’m 27 and married…. Brewski still around somewhere?
Ummm…Brewski is otherwise taken…next please…
MRN?
Nope…
*grasping at straws*
… Granny?
Don’t grasp at anything with Granny around, It can get disturbing.
*shudders*
… good call…
You have no idea…
Brewski’s gone, and he’s in a relationship anyway. I’m looking for completely unattached.
*sigh*
I only meet 2 of four.
Like leeches. And then it takes forever to scrape them off!
Any luck with the coffee guy or the obvious ogler?
He know I caught him. Funny thing is, he didn’t talk to me much before that, but has been more friendly since. I wonder why.
I’m being a big chicken about asking out coffee guy. Part of it is because I don’t know if he’s in a relationship or not. I have his phone number (he’s listed, so I only sorta stalked him) on my bulletin board at home. When I find my courage, I’ll call him.
Here’s a little bit of advice my mother gave my brother once. If there’s no ring involved, he’s still available.
A lot of guys don’t wear a ring when they get married. Not conclusive enough for my tastes. I’m not a home-wrecker.
Don’t blame you at all. The ring thing is easier to figure out if you know the girl in question.
do you want one of us to call him???
*holds both of Gracie’s hands*
Find your inner wa, girl.
*proffers hand*
*tries to dial phone with nose*
Thank you for calling Pizza Hut, will this be for dine in, carry-out, or delivery?
*cries*
Carry out!
Carry out!
Ok, would you like to hear our specials?
You might as well place a big order. We will need some food for the cuddle puddle later.
GREAT fail, finally gets some thinking involved
No, actually.
She could have had the fine before she went on facebook
I was fine before I went on there too, who knew.
Friend comment WIN.
I think the fail is adequately explained by the first commenter on the chick’s post.
WEAK FAIL
No, day, a weak is 4 of these a day.
….for 7 days.
Okay. Blog is a bit dead this morning.
New OT of the day:
How many FPers have kittehs? If so, how many?
no kittehs… but I have two very stupid dogs who shed more than a room full of kittehs.
*raises hand and jumps up and down*
Me! I have three. Two (used to be) boys and one (used to be) girl.
Two kittehs (one new and one old) and a dog.
Again, I feel your pain, JW. But since we got a Roomba, it hasn’t been near as bad. I highly recommend them.
I want one so it can chase my kittehs around.
I do. Just one right now. We’re planning on a 2nd, but our girl’s limping right now, and our Vet recommends waiting until we find out why. If things go well we’ll have a new kitty for the holidays!
My dog won’t allow it. I tried. Poor thing wedged itself so far into the dresser, it was actually living behind the drawer……
Cat: What the Hell is that thing???
Dog: DINNER!!
I have a doggy. My little schnoodle, Doodle. My roommate is allergic to cats and dogs, but Doodle is bred to be hypoallergenic.
*RIGLMS*
I know it’s not funny, but I can’t help myself.
I don’t have any pets, being the undead and all. I keep forgetting how important a daily feeding can be to the living. But my roommate has one kitteh, an old puss who’s used to being the one in charge (hence no other pets until this one passes, which probably won’t be long). Geez, that kitteh is something like 14 years old now. Actually a sweet cat though, he likes such things as being pet when he’s laying on you and being left alone when he’s not. Simple to get along with!
*snork*
14 isn’t that old. They can easily make it to 20.
ZA… I hate to break it to you, but cats like that have a bad habit of outliving everything around them…
Well, it’s at least outlived ZA.
Same could be said for everybody.
*shrugs*
Everything currently living has outlived ZA. Although, the argument could be made that ZA still lives on in our hearts.
No kittehs. Hubby is ‘lergic, and doesn’t like them. I want one!
maybe she is flying to casablanca
I don’t get it. She gets a ticket, then posts that via her mobile phone, and someone asumes she was already on myspace. Is the assumption she was on myspace when driving the fail? Might-be-false assumptions are fails?
I see not every one sees irony, sure that might have happened in the way which YOU have situated, but i encourage you to open up your imagination and stop trolling. Besides you cannot deny that people don’t twitter or check status updates from their phone, while driving. and why while driving, because there is laws being passed by more and more states to prevent accidents and what have you from reckless driving.
80% of woman drivers failz
Now, really. She posted that AFTER the event. I mean, really. I was in an accident two weeks ago, and after the cops and everything, while waiting for the tow truck, I Tweeted about it, too. The TWEET was 3 minutes before, not the ticket! @Someone is correct… the commenter has leaped to an unwarranted conclusion.
Your lack of imagination disturbs me… don’t like the post? move to another bridge, troll.
I rly dont understand what was she failed on?
She could of posted that when she got home. Fail Fail.
thats why it says “posted from mobile?
It’s not a requirement to post from your computer if you’re at home.
this is true i understand, i just thought it was funny so i’d thought i’d share it; and if you dont think it’s funny, that’s fine with me, your opinion and i can’t change that. Stop trolling, move along, don’t like it? go to another post, simple
kthxbai.
Why do you claim everyone who thinks this isn’t fail is a troll? That’s just retarded.
Nevermind, I understand you’re responsible for the posting of this non-fail, and that’s why you’re being so touchy.
read the web-definition of being a troll.
it isn’t all that much slander as you’re making it out to be.
it’s just a definition of the way people are acting to the post, as i said, don’t like it? move on. so move along.
My mother in law was killed last week by a teen driving while on their cellphone. WAKE UP you stupid people! Driving requires attention.
did she die?
i would geuss that when bob said my mother in law was KILLED in by a teen driver…she probably died. just a geuss. but im sorry for ur loss bob
in my country she would be stoned (not the good one!)to death
FAT BEN MADE SO MUCH POOP! OH MAN, ITS EVERYWHERE! THERES NO END TO THE POOP! HE JUST KEEPS MAKING MORE AND MORE POOP ALL OVER THE PLACE! NOWHERE IS SAFE FROM THE POOP!
I don’t get it.
How blonde is she?
This is dumb. Just because she posted from her phone doesn’t mean she was necessarily driving at the same time.
This is true i understand, I simply thought it was funny so I thought I’d share it; and if you dont think it’s funny, that’s fine with me, your opinion and i can’t change that. Stop trolling, move along, don’t like it? go to another post, simple
kthxbai.
Operate motorvehicle safely fail
comment win
hahaha intelligence fail indeed. I bet she twittered it too…
actually, some years ago a friend of mine died that way. I knew her as clever woman, but you don’t think yourself it would happen. She was driving and typing a text message, lost control of the car, crashed into a tree, that was it. She was around 28. No kidding.
as you all say – an avoidable death.
I think the friend that commented should get a WIN