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Cheezburger Network Blog
*runsawaywithaquickness*
*hides in storage room, rocking self while curled in a fetal position*
…
…
*realizes vulerability and erects a duct tape shield around vital areas*
*sneaks up behind JW*
*tries to run away from Jules*
*realizes error in wrapping duct tape around entire body*
*rolls away from Jules*
*snork*
Are you going to stand there and laugh at me, or help me out? *continues rolling around the room, trying to get back up*
*snorkroffle*
It’s much more fun watching your hands flap around like that, and listening to the noises you’re making — *roll* *flap* *roll* *flap* *roll* *flap*
Oh, all right.
*gets scissors*
*cuts duct tape*
Thank you, LGB.
And by way of thanks
*shines LGB’s troll spoon and ties a pretty new blue ribbon on the end*
Ooooo — the shiny!!!
Let me try that on…
S’bit long, really. I think it makes my butt look big.
Where I come from, a big butt is a sign of pride, young lady!
How about this?
*hands LGB a Gallagher mallet, complete with iron banding around the head and a light blue leather grip*
*tries on*
*looks in mirror*
*turns on tiptoes*
Looks good from here. You may want to put on some boots though, the heels from down there VVV would probably get stuck in the resultant goo.
*giggles*
*shakes head at Gracie*
Is that all you read?
What can I say? I’m a pervert.
that’s all she wrote
What? There needed to be more? You want details?
*raises eyebrow at zooomy*
“Watch your step,” indeed.
LOL@Doc … nice catch, that!
Gracie hope you get this! Details are appreciated more than gartuities. Was off line ’til now.
…more….more
At least you’re honest about it.
Honest, nothing! I’m proud of it!
Wait…
*joins Gracie in the gutter*
We practically live here.
*looks confused*
I thought we did live here.
Are we talking bout the gutter, or FB?
You mean they’re not the same?
Heck, we’re here so much I’ve bought up a bunch of property, and I’m building some lovely homes.
I’m migratory. I only come when the season is in and there is plenty to pick from.
You are the best with “in season” fruits, Ry… really love them peaches. …
*Grabbin” pillZ*
*Non Non usefull comments*
*Stealin” Hamburgerz*
RUN FOR YOUR ASSES
Eeek! Someones trying to steal the steps!
*reaches up with both hands*
*squeezes the Moomin*
*pulls handle to tip the steps*
*slides down to squeeze Judy*
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
To hell with the steps…keep your seat!
Keep my seat? I guess I won’t be ROFLMAO then.
Keep your ass from rolling off!
Prezactly!
Don’t worry, if you loose it, we can go to Ass Depot for a new one.
Or we can get someone to rhamm a new one on.
I much tight asses over loose ones.
*offers Gracie a “prefer”*
*facepalm*
Thanks, JW.
*squeeze*
*squeezeback* Not a problem.
So far, so good.
*thumbs up*
S’berry, berry nice, jaydubbya.
s’berry? when did we start talking about fruit?
And the snozzberries taste like snozzberries!
*waits for MsB to start licking the wallpaper*
Snozzberries? Who ever heard of a snozzberry?
Any berry is good, just as long as they don’t dingle.
What if they dangle?
Bo dangle?
Yo diggity.
giggity wiggity
Giggity goo
unless you want to !!! w/ your driver….
I’ve never !!!d my driver, but I have %$#@d while driving…
*blink, blink*
*rubs eyes*
Apples?
Drivers?
In Russia step steals you!
Eep! The bus driver is an ass!
No, he’s an ass rammer!
No, he’s an a$$ Rhammar!! Get it right!!!
*snork*
Missed it by thatmuch…
*sniggles*
*snerkles*
*snorkles*
*snarkles*
*sparkles*
*spittles*
*Skittles*
*scuttles*
*sputters*
*sinks*
*spatters*
The steps?
*helps SuzieQ regain footing*
Thanks, Jules. You know, it’s hard to keep your footing when your hoof is made from butter…
You must have the slickest dance moves.
The Butta Slide is my best…
I thought it was the moo walk?
Now that sounds like a moosical number!
♪ Dun, dun, dun…
A butter cow rides the bus? ♪
I was having touble figuring out the fail until this post, because despite the fitting comments, I figured it unlikely the fail is due to the fact that the pronounciation of ‘anass’ means ‘rapist’ in Hebrew.
Granny’s way to work…
That is Granny’s work!
*hides under bus seat for anklesqueeze*
I see why he loves his job.
*does a handstand*
*anklesqueezes*
*sets up microphone*
*Test Heckles*
Think Granny would let Mike Hawk on the bus?
We’ll have to ask judge Willie Stroker for approval.
Maybe he should get Mike Rotch as his attorney.
He’s already defending Mike Litoris.
How about Dick Johnson?
Maybe
hishe’s Dick Hertz.Would anyone like a glass of Dicken’s Cider??
*pours cider*
Maybe Dick Ryder can help.
I’d rather ask Rhoda Hardc0ck for advice.
I betcha Granny’d probably let Mike Hunt on the bus.
Hugh G. Rection said he was gonna take the bus later.
I heard Moe Lester takes that bus.
Sorry, no gratuities for being an ass.
But what if you had a good ride?
Here’s a tip, BG… for a good ride, pick the 7th horse in the 3rd race.
Sarah Palin sure is gonna be disappointed when she finds out.
Keep you cheeks clenched.
Titan Uranus
Keep your but hole clenched.
Is this some modern poetry?
Keep your
but hole
clenched
Hmmm, needs more Haiku-ness.
Butt hole is so sore
Why did I take this cab ride
No tip for Rhammar
Scott?
Janet?
Farnk ‘N’ Furter?
Brad?
Rocky!
uh?
What? You’re not replying with another haiku?
Ohhh, the pressure!!!
That sort of thing can’t be rushed. I figured I’d complete the Rocky Horror line in the mean time.
Oops, There was another reference? That happens when you (read: Me) have never seen the Rocky Horror Picture show.
Classic cinema history and you’ve never seen it. You really must, AE — it’s a campy, camped-up, camp-fest. (And Tim Curry is awesome in it.)
Not until those who have confessed to never having seen Star Wars watch it!
Leila! Come Back!
*blink.blink*
*sniff*
Star Wars is one thing (yes, I have all 6, and have both the original release and reimaged for the originals, on VHS even), have you seen the spoof called “hardware wars”?
I’ve seen both. Do I get a prize?
*looks hopeful*
I’ve never seen RHPS either!
Solidarity my ankle squeezing brother!
*anklesqueeze*
Star Wars is one thing (yes, I have all 6, and have both the original release and re!maged for the originals, on VHS even), have you seen the spoof called “hardware wars”?
*gasp!* seriously??? Sheesh, now I need to drag my transsexual outfits and newspapers to Germany to watch that movie with Arthur…
I’ll bring my rice and lighter.
Don’t forget the toast!
Virgins!
Fluffy!
I’ll bring the bell!
I’ll bring the TP and the newspapers.
I have got the various chocolate bars.
There’s a light in the darkness of everybody’s life…
*Flicks his Bic*
I just realized nobody (Fluffy) here may be old enough to catch this reference so “clickie” (work safe 70’s TV ad)
OMG, Marius! Completely forgot about those commercials. Thanks!
Hee! Hee!
Bus ride began fine
turn to hell when bum enflame
oh no that bum is mine
Woo-hoo, zooomy!!!
*roffle!*
why am I hearing an elvis song. …
OMG I can’t believe I missed all this.
been off line
nursing
that bum of mine
Anyone who doesn’t like this one can, of course, blame Arthur.
Time for my bus ride
home from work. Wow! He sure gives
“driver” new meaning .
Can we blame Arthur if we like it?
Of course. Who else would we blame on Fail blog.
In that case, I like it, and I blame Arthur!
*squeezes GS*
*dons super sexy wet-looking bathing suit with more skin showing than bathing suit and very high heels*
*holds up “10” card overhead while prancing around in circle*
I just never get tired of watching you do that.
Which part, the prancing around in a circle, or the bit where she actually put the suit on?
Yes.
LGB, could you walk by again? I didn’t see the number and today I’m legally blind.
Cindy?
Marsha?
Greg?
Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!
re: Pete… err
I appreciate the Grhammar.
STOP! Grammar time!
*dances*
*admires Arthur’s grammatically correct dance*
I don’t know how correct he was. He paused in the wrong spot.
That was for emphasizing. You really don’t know a thing about the rhetoric dance, do you?
*pouts*
There was a period of time that I would have understood that.
I thought it was interpretive.
*shrugs*
But his form was perfect!
*pretends she is Lem on Dancing with the Stars*
*Proudly holds up card*
*SHOUTS*
*TEN*
As long as he doesn’t eat, shoots, and leaves, then we’re OK.
Watch your step. The driver might be looking for oppurtunities.
Watch your stoop surely?
Stroop swaffles? 0.0
Watch your Stephen Colbert?
Yeah… you don’t wanna step in whatever is coming out of an ass.
at least he is not fapping while driving
But the person sitting on his lap hinders his view.
Down in front!
Up in the back?
I think I’ll sidestep that issue.
Watch your sidestep…
*MsBsqueezie*
There’s nothing else left to say.
You’re right about a few things.
So nice of you to say. Can I offer you some port?
or some Madeira, m’dear?
fapping or pharting?
If all that’s in there is a small tip, then he can’t be much of a Rhammar.
But he’s more than halfway inn!
Are weekly rapes available?
Only if Ry drives us through Tisdale.
So, I noticed nobody commented on the Darwin Award fail. A boycott of some kind, perhaps?
It was a horrible morning! FB without us is sad. Maybe we should send Kingtroll from the Closet Door fail there?
Doubt if he’d go.
Why not? It’s perfect for him! Only related comments, no squeezing…
… nobody to complain about/to/attack.
Gus responded to your need Gracie
Wasn’t talking about my need. I was talking about a troll on the Closet Door fail.
zooomy is a little keyboard challenged, Gracie. She meant GUS down there VVV.
It’s a little unnerving that we were just talking about that idiot the other day. This new one might be a copycat troll…
I know she was talking about GUS down there. What I was saying about nobody to complain about/to/attack was a troll on Closet Door fail. If he went to the Darwin Award fail he wouldn’t have anybody to complain about, etc. Not that I wouldn’t have anybody to complain about, etc.
*head asplodes*
*sweeps up bits of LGB’s cranium*
*sends them to the lab for another regeneration*
*scrapes LGB’s head off the walls*
*pours into plaster mold*
*waits for head to solidy*
*puts LGB’s head back on her shoulders*
2 heads LGB, nice!
As they say, two heads are better than one.
Thanks everyone!
There!
You know that two heads statement? What are the odds that a male was the first to come up with it?
I’d vote for either a male, or a p0rn star
I am not nobody! *squeeze*
I am.
Hmmm… who is it living in my cupboards then?
All three of them? I thought they split?
I knew I’ve seen Willis running around, I just thought I was
!magining it.
Whatchoo talking bout Willis?
*strokes Willis*
Does your door fall out?
Only when I have the webcam on.
Does it take nice picture of Uranus?
In Soviet Russia bus driver tip you?
*Hydes*
*tips Marius upside down and squeezes*
*Jekylls*
*Flails about for something to grab*
*Seize ankles*
*Heckles*
In Soviet Russia all bus drivers Rham A$$.
*curls in ball and holds ankles*
Here’s a tip, BbB… curl the other way.
AAck!!
*flilpped tip over toe*
*carefully removes l after i before it’s noticed*
*impressed how BBB could “filp”
*blush*
I’m very flexible.
*crosses legs behind head*
… you may want to revise how you’re sitting before somebody with a
idea comes along…
What? I’m on my stomach with my legs crossed behind me. Jeez, did you think I had done that pretzel thing?
*loves leading JW on*
hahahahaaaa…
… …
grrrr…
*tosses BBB into the pool* (note: I didn’t shove, push, or splash, just tossed)
I hate you suckers only post your friend’s fail..
Have you heard of punctuation?
DW? a little foom please?
That’s nice, dear.
*pats GUS on the head*
Hey, it’s not our fault you have no friends.
I’ll be his friend.
Hi, Gus!!
Missed you down at the barn this morning… well, almost. There was plenty of gus to shovel up around the horses.
3 cheers for a new fail, that last one felt like I had migrated to PK…
Do you guys even realize what bus this driver drives? HELLO?
Finally our driver shows up.
All aboard the smut bus!
Can we drive to Vegas this time?
*hopeful look*
Oh big OT: Ms B, I am going to be in SLC and Vegas at the end of Feb, beginning of March!
Hmmm, we will have to arrange something. Too bad that’s a really crappy time here. Stoopit snow and smog inversion crap.
I dunno if I wanna go aboard the smut bus if arass is the driver.
Will he stop if I pull the chord?
He might bite.
I don’t have exact change. Is there anything I can do to get a ride?
*innocent look*
*blink, blink*
*fishes around in pockets*
*looks in desk drawer*
I found some!
*hands 3Bs a piece of lint, a gum wrapper, two quarters, and three nickles*
ooooh. gum wrapper is shiny.
*stares at wrapper*
Really need to stop licking frogs.
Monitor is now completely soaked with coffee. Thanks, 3Bs.
*naughty grin*
I love watching the coffee drip down like that. Plus, your monitor looks really pretty in brown.
*flutters eyelashes*
Hasn’t anyone learned to stop drinking while reading.
I have a hard enough time remembering to bring my coffee with me, let alone to not drink and read at the same time.
Coffee? Did somebody say coffee?
*looks mournfully into her empty cup*
*runs to kitchen*
*whips-up extra frothy mocha latte for Gracie*
Here you go, sweetie.
[Homer]Mmmmm. Mocha.[/Homer]
*thankyousqueezes*
*holds out empty cup to LGB*
That would ruin half of my fun.
Go planetary, BbB… show the driver Uranus and he’ll gladly be the Rhammar for ya!
Ummmmmmmm………………yeah…………about that…………..NO!! I’m afraid that space portal has been sealed off. Didn’t want a Klingon problem.
At least you’ll be able to avoid the Borg… wouldn’t want you to be ass illuminated.
Or you could be like Leila and have your ass laminated…
Speaking of… where’s she been? She didn’t also bail out, did she?
I hope not.
Strange names:
Anass Rhammar
Iona Nipl
Batman bin Suparman (he’s javanese)
Dixon Cox
Chew Kok
Odd Wang (norwegian)
William “Pete” Peterson (name on certificate has quotation marks)
Urhines (your highness) Kendall Icey Eight Special K
Brfxxccxxmnpccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 (pronounced Albin in Sweden apparently)
And the list goes on…
Saw one… think it was bermese: Phuc N Ho
Orangello and Lemojello Jones
Paige Turner
Tess Teckel
Dusty Rhoades
Shithead and Female Johnson
* Lemonjello – pronounce luh-mon-je-lo
I know two people named Dusty Rhoades.
One is a retired pennsyltucky state trooper (used to drive security for Gov. Casey) and the other is a woman from Boston who organizes big events (ie, Sail Boston and Tufts 10K Women’s Road Race).
Speaking of different type names…
Reagan Smoker.
Catty Hwang.
… any of the Palin kids.
“Shithead” pronounced shuh-teed
Hee, I just did a notary seal for Muslim Lika.
Hey, Judy! Have you had this problem?
(clicky)
That’s kind of nasty. Maybe I’ll hang on to our top loader for a while longer.
Me, too.
I am sick of these ‘trolls’ bit*chin on you lot. You regular guys rock!
*Makes devil horns with fingers*
*Crosses arms*
*Adopts gangsta pose*
The last few days you have been trashed for no reason. You lot make me smile every day with your witty comments, keep going.
My advice, ingore the trolls and they will go away xx
*squeezes Hoobs*
Thanks. Glad we could make you smile.
Every day Gracie, love you lot. Just not witty enough myself to join in, but enjoy reading, so no problem.
Love the General!
Hoobs, you don’t need be witty here — you just need half a brain and a sense of humor. Sounds like you have both!
You shouldn’t think of yourself that way, Hoobs. Just jump in and the wit will come. I didn’t think I would be witty enough before I started posting.
Awww, thanks guys, feel all warm and fuzzy xx
I’m not being witty right now, and I’m still here. Come drink punch with us.
*squeeze* WOW My first squeeze, feels nice.
They flow hot and heavy here. Sometimes literally.
Your name would be funnier or uniquer if the first letter was B.
“uniquer”?
Yeah… I found that word ten years from now in the Urban Dictionary.
Back awayyyyyy from the Urban Dicitionary. Just say no!
*agrees with LGB*
Just put it down and step away and you won’t hurt yourself.
Its a play on words with my surname, I am not very inventive with usernames. It’s my nickname in the real world.
Don’t feel bad. When I first started here my name was Iusuallylurk. That got shortened to Lurk, and with Brewski’s help, I picked the name I have now. You could say that I’ve evolved.
*squeezes Hoobs*
Welcome to the blog!
*pouts*
Where the crap was she today???
Absent yesterday, as well, wasn’t she? Dammit. She better not sneak off…
Hah, first I tought this was ment racist, cuz of the foreign name.. but then I read closely .. ^^
Why even bother with a comment system. No one ever posts something related to the picture. Just a fckn gigglefest. LAME……
Then don’t read the comments. It’s really that easy.
It’s really not easy to keep from reading the comments. We’re frickin’ funny!!
*holds hand up for high five*
Don’t leave me hanging people!!
*^5*
I’d give you a high 5, but I have bad hand-to-hand coordination… really good hand-to-face coordination though… so if you ever want an assisted facepalm, I’m your guy.
Good to know. I occasionally need a facepalm and accidently end up hitting the comment just ahead of me.
Or the one in the rear.
I always liked you, kenny. Of all the 80s artists, you really know when to hold ‘em…
I always thought he was more of a footloose kind of guy.
G, but that clarinet got annoying.
Not a clarinet…a sax…just sayin’…
You want to have what??
mooooo ve along now… don’t wanna be steering you in the wrong direction.
The fact that this is a site about the comedic way in which some people have the common sense and intelligence of a blancmange obviously escapes you…..ah…….oh….erm
*giggles*
They didn’t kill Kenny!
OMG!
Those bastards!
So Anass is a female name right? makes sense.
You make a laosy troll. Why don’t you try needlepoint, instead?
You make a laosy troll.
*falls to the ground alternately laughing and bowing*
*grabs personalized pink sparkly bat*
*takes a stance*
*THWACK!*
*troll’s head disintegrates*
Gracie, you’re gonna need to start hitting another area. We’re running out of snacks for ZA.
* hands BbB a shiny new nutcracker *
Happy Holidays!
Oooohhh!!!!! Shiny!! I love shiny!!! I’m gonna go show my fairy friend. Ya know, Suga Plumb. He’ll see how FABULOUS this shiny new toy is.
Plus, I will be watching for trolls now that I have my own personal “man-be-good” toy.
Thanks Sauer. May your nut never be truly cracked.
I, myself, may be a nut, but otherwise, I come equipped with 2!!
HAHAHAHA CAUSE FOREIGN NAMES SOMETIMES SOUND LIKE WORDS IN DIFFERENT LANGUAGES.
This isn’t a fail, it’s the guy’s real name. A fail would be, I dunno, naming your spa “Hand Job Spa”.
Try Engrishfunny for that little spa gem… it’s definetely out there. We just have to find it. XD
Does anyone here has a list of the best failblogs? I would like to post it on my site. thanks
ht tp://failpeeps.wordpress.com/faqquity-faq-dont-talk-back/
yup. failblog.org
…Watch your step, indeed.
Getting deep, is it?
Good boots you must wear.
If the driver were in the military his name would be Rhammar, Anass.
Private Rhammar.
If he is good at sticking it to people they will promote him to Major Rhammer and if he can manage to screw anyone and everything General Rhammar.
Tennn-sion!
Its a tight squeeze people, move back to the back of the bus.
This pic is clearly shopped.
Yeah. Its more of a failblog fails pic.
Do you mind if I go up the back? Of the bus?
You’re saying I should be Grateful?!!
Do you have a problem with that?
What?- oh, no… I was gonna pay. Just give me a sec will ya…
*clink*
There, let’s just let that be the end of it…ok
Wow, is soooo entertaining to read, but sadly half way through or so and must leave for reasons of food and drink, but felt the need to say, delightful atmosphere and banter. If a bit blue at times, though come to mention it, I am rather fond of blue…
*grins*
Bravo.
On behalf of all: Thank you!
Wow, how nice. Jeesh. Thanks.
–and thanks for noticing this one, AE.
what the hell? why is this a fail?? that’s my uncle’s first name! it’s pronounced “ah-nahs”
at one point, he got so embarrased with it, he legally changed it!
first
nice name.
AN ASS RAMMER FAIL
I had a teacher in high school named Neil Dover. His wife’s name? Eileen. Son, Ben. For reals.
RIP, though. Colon cancer. Youch.
Is the the bus driver dressed up like a nun from that joke?
*giggle*
Unfortunate name is unfortunate.
Well, lucky him
That’s at Disney World in Florida!!! hahahaha!! I have a picture of the same exact name!! Scary.
I hate those overpriced tours where the bus driver or the tour guide asks for tips. I paid my 40 bucks for a two hour tour, and I think that’s enough of a gouge without asking me for more.
Owiee In the bum >.> … Lawl.
FAKE!!!!!!!!!
yeah, I actually know a guy named Ben Dover.
Probably been said above but needs to be repeated…
Photoshopped!!!