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I don’t have snowballs – YOU do!
Something’s stuck,can you remove it?
Warm nuts?
I tried to offer something to Arthur for this, but he didn’t want it
He has a codpiece I crocheted for him last year out of wool.
I thought Nick Gilder was a one-hit wonder?
I keep hoping for that sophomore album to hit big.
Yeah, and in college sports I still have 4 years of NCAA Div 1 eligibility, but some dreams will just expire unfulfilled.
Don’t h8 y0!
Wrong end, fluffy. It’s a proctology exam.
They should totally put this in front of a proctology practice. Or maybe just in the lobby.
Girls don’t find those attractive, either.
Again, I did it wrong.
*storms off*
Here, Arthur. I got you a heating pad to sit on.
Bad for fertility, good against haemorrhoids. What’s a man to do?
Punt?
You might want to try Prep-H or some Tuck’s pads.
or bacanlube works in a pinch
A good natural remedy is a crushed garlic clove. Fierce heat followed by soothing warmth.
Also, witch hazel.
*giggle* Okay, you got the lighter ready?
FOOOOOM!!!
*enjoys a baked potato*
Baked carrot, me thinks.
Why would a snowman be that close to the fire in the first place?
FIRST!!
So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and, at the same time, a great she-bear coming up the street pops its head into the shop – “What! no soap?” So he died; and she very imprudently married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies, and the Joblillies, and the Garyulies, and the Grand Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top.
And the comb gets stuck in the tangles and it hurts!
And that little piece of jello? It just sat there!!
It’s the hat. Nobody can see the mullet because of the hat.
I don’t know, when I saw the fire hydrant peeing on the dog…………………..well……………….
*shakes head*
Never start an argument with a porcupine. Just don’t do it, it won’t end well.
Butt he always gets his point across!
What about the popcorn kernel?
It popped with the weasel.
weasel popped a cherry>? huh?
I think the weasel popped a colonel’s cherry
How did the potato get in there again?
Well…I was up at the North Pole, hanging curtains…
Riiight. That makes perfect sense.
I’m disappointed that it wasn’t a sex game.
What? “Hanging curtains” isn’t a synonym for such?
Usually no, unless you talk about Granny’s labia.
Granny had a labiatomy and had them sealed in a plexiglass brick and is auctioning it on ebay.
Eww!
*runs off to ebay to see*
Current bid is negative $24. Granny is hoping by the end of the auction to break even.
Remember when Britney Spears was always getting upskirting the paparazzo a few years back? It was about that time when someone put her (allegedly) pubies on eBay… don’t think that item stayed up long enough to have a winning bidder.
A pr0n star named Houston had hers reduced and sealed them in plexiglass and got $20,000 for them. They looked like two little earthworms all shriveled up from having salt poured on them. Mine shriveled up just hearing about them.
I’d do that stare moticon iffn I knew how. …
: shock :
Without the spaces.
*stares without spaces into space*
: stare :
thank you! I’d give you a potato but Judy took the last one.
duh
:stare:
*goes to bid*
*gets in line*
*does the conga*
Eel know!
*grabs bottle and pours conga shots directly in mouths*
It does, actually.
What is he going to do with that carrot of his?!?!
Well, he’s going to boil it, along with a potato, and make vicar stew!
Irish Stew in the name of the law!
I thought the vicar was already stewed!
Overcooked vicar….stew is now ew
…and you thought potatoes were just for mashin’!
From the pic up top, I don’t think mashin’ is completely out of the realm of possiblilty.
Smell test?
Or… stick it?
He want to test if the carrot fits perfectly.
no no no (soft ) kidie porn
Elfin safety gone mad I tell you!
Oh you never would believe where those Keebler Cookies come from.
It’s not the cookies you have to worry about. It’s the glass of milk to go with them.
*hides dabuttacow*
Just in case…
*Tosses cookies*
Well, he is getting older and you know those prostate exams are important…
.. but does the doc really need to wear green latex gloves? Does he think that critter is going to just pop out? Or is he just waiting for his baked potato?
Armageddon!
Frosty had better get a face shield before the process proceeds!
Did Santa just take a burning shit?
is the snowman helping him out?
Santa’s farting in the snowman’s general direction.
Farting + fire = DANGER!
Might melt the snowman.
that was the plan from the start
Dr. Santa Kavorkian aided Frosty today after Frosty’s years of struggling with terminal frostbite.
And again, the phrase “hold my beer and watch this” only leads to pain and tears. Poor Frosty, he didn’t know what was coming.
So you’re saying Santa’s suit is as red as his neck?
It’s the hat. Nobody can see the mullet because of the hat he wears.
*snorkitty*
Sure. Repeat after JW. It’s the hat. Again. It’s the hat. Once more, it’s the hat.
*pets snorekitty (who appears to be wearing a hat)*
Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
*Tucks pamphlet for the Center for Kitty Apnea Research under snore kitty’s paw*
Did we have this discussion yesterday? Methane is a dangerous substance…NEVER expose it to open flames…
Or in any car with the windows closed.
True…but in the winter, the heat just multiplies the ‘effects’…and it’s too cold to open the windows…
Sorry to disagree with you, buddacow… But it’s never too cold to open the windows when methane is involved.
*snork*
I will yield to the red duct tape. You have a point…
And yes, I’ve been tempted to use the duct tape on my traveling companions when methane is involved.
Surely you mean Hydrogen Sulphide?
*is confuzzled*
Technically, both methane and hydrogen are present in varying amounts.
But….but.. Methane is odourless.
No, not totally correct. It does have an odor. There were too many methane leaks in my high school science wing for me not to notice the odor.
That was methanethiol or ethanethiol added as a safety feature for the very reason you cited.
Nope- that is the odorants they add!
I work for a natural gas pipeline company. I’m sorry JW, but they are correct. There is no smell naturally. It’s an additive.
Blimey- I have just realised what a pedant I just was…..Sowwy!
I don’t really care what they put in it. It smelled funky and caused big fireballs. Being a teenage male, I was in heaven.
Although… the fumes then may explain some of my “issues” now…
… unless it is really cold out.
I smell elderberries…
That’s what I thought
Havin a carrot after lunch?
Jingle balls, jingle balls, jingle all the way…
Fisting, fisting, fisting the night away!
There are Swedes involved?
*sigh*
*pat.pat*
Awwww, sweetie… it keeps getting perpetuated ’cause it was F-U-N-N-Y — you know we all love you!
Maybe that was a wistful sigh.
*picks ’sigh’ apart*
*rearranges*
Was it more like a gish, Ms B?
*higs all*
Ghis.
And it looks like Santa is about to get shigged here.
*squeeeze*
It wisn’t mi!
What do pumpkins have to do with my typo?
Maybe it happened in 1979?
All roads lead to pumpkins.
Here. Take this Rorschach test…
Okay, now what am I supposed to do with it?
*folds Rorschach test card into a paper airplane and throws it across the room*
What do you make of this?
This? Why, I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl…
Scotteh, do you like gladiator movies?
And it’s still my favoritest latin ever!
*Squeeze*
I believe I’ll pass. As we discussed the location of my mind in which gutter outside which bawdy house, I think you’ll understand my reticence.
*peeks at Rorschach porn anyway*
*blushes and runs away*
Your s’mores are burning.
So are my S’morals.
FB Rule #1 – there are no morals allowed.
FB Rule #2 – refer to rule #1
FB Rule #3 SAFETY
On topic warning: What were they trying to say?
Xmas is:
The consumer (santa) bending over for the mega-corporations?
I’d say Santa is more of a symbol for mega-corporations, n’est-ce pas?
It’s good to be the Santa?
The do say it’s better to give than receive…
Frosty agrees.
Im guessing that the sleigh is extremely cold to sit on
The Santa in back is just trying to confirm that you can actually see China from back there.
Here comes Mr. Hanky!!!!
Santa needs an ice pack.
They don’t call that reindeer Blitzen for nothing.
Donder? Is that you?
No, it was. . . This senior-junior, giant-dwarf, Dan Cupid; Regent of love-rhymes. . .
Does this fire make my butt look big?
No, your butt makes your butt look big.
*restrains self*
I will!!!
♫I like big butts and I can not lie♪
♪you other brothers can’t deny♫
♫when a girl walks in with an iddy biddy waist and a round thing in your face, you get sprung♪
*sorry, no restraint*
Gaaaah! The earworm! Noooooooo!
*runs out of room screaming*
*shakes booty at Gracie*
Come on girl!! You know you love this $hit!!
BBB, don’t make me send you to the Time-Out corner.
Send her! Send her!
*curls up in fetal position and rocks back and forth*
BBB, look what you’ve done to Gracie.
*sends BBB to the time-out corner*
*sends Gracie to a therapist*
*in corner still shaking booty*
♫My anaconda don’t want none if you ………♪
*joins 3Bs in corner*
Hamma Time!
Oh oh oh oh- oh oh oh!! Can’t touch this!!
*thumpinsqueezesLGB*
Sista girl!!! Welcome to OLD SCHOOL JAMS!!
*screams and runs from the room*
*renames corner to “cool” corner*
*protects it from duct tape*
*passes earplugs to Gracie*
*thankyousqueeze*
♪ She’s a super freak, super freak
She’s supa freaky-yow! ♪
*squeezysista3Beezy*
Gotta push the envelope.
♫♪Ice, ice baby.♪♫
♪ Shake your groove thang,
shake your groove thang,
yeah, yeah ♪
♫Funky Cold Medina♪
Let’s get it started…
:[
*poke*
*tickle*
Not this time.
*squeeze*
Oh, everytime.
*squeeze*
True story… had a friend once ask me if his outfit made his butt look big. Yes, his. Now, he was in a theatre production and was in full costume, and he has a great sense of humor, so without pausing I turned to him and said “No, your hips make your butt look big.” One of the girls in the cast was walking by right then, and skipped laughing and just started snorting. I hadn’t laughed that hard until my dog walked into the window next to the wide open door… would have been a great Windex commercial.
Funny story!
*strangely, there is no sarcasm in my response*
Aaaha! Nancy!
Hey Frosty, check out my tagnuts.
Hey Frosty, pull my finger.
Hey Frosty, yell and see if it echoes.
Hey Frosty, see if you can clap.
Hey Frosty, pick out the winner of today’s tombola.
Hey Frosty, put a lid on it.
Hey Frosties, get a room
:blush:
♫Frosty the proctologist, was a jolly happy soul.♪
And
♬ Santa Claus is bowing to him…♬
Hmmm, a white fluffy marshmallow person in a tophat inserting potatoes in people’s bums. Well I never.
You’d never catch a Moomin doing that.
Emphesis on “catch”.
I’ll catch that wascally wotsit. I’m a wed-hot sportsman!
…and by “emphesis” I mean “emphasis”.
…and by “catch” I mean “make love to like a goat”.
*bleats* *waits patiently*
I thought you preferred “f*cked like a rabbit”
That’s good, too.
Although I doubt that you’re thinking “outdoors, very quickly and often”, which would seem to be likely for rabbits.
Just because you wouldn’t catch him……………………..
WTF? That comment wasn’t there! I’ve re-typed it and got moderated. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.
*runs around in irate circles till he gets dizzy and falls over*
That looks like fun!
*runs around in irate circles till he gets dizzy and falls over*
Woohooooblaaaarg!
*Gets video camera*
America’s funniest videos, Here I Come!!!
*stands up and slips on blaaaaarg*
*falls to floor and squeezes Arthur’s ankles for balance*
*grabs Moomin’s ankle to get up*
*ends up in compromising position*
Hrm. We’ve been here before…
*seizes opportunity to anklesqueeze*
*click*
Do you donate your collection to Dragon’s wall?
Of course!
It’s okay…I have a few that she doesn’t know about yet, too.
:p
you want to tape something fun, get a group of people together and play the “stick game.”
Rules are this. Each person has their own stick. Point the stick straight up in the air above your head, and while looking at the stick, spin in circles for thirty seconds.
Then, throw the stick on the ground and proceed to try to jump over your stick.
I watched a group play this once… couldn’t stop laughing for a very long time.
I just played the stick game last night, but it wasn’t anything like that. Maybe we’re doing it wrong?
*snork!*
♪ Let’s have some fun,
This beat is sick.
I wanna take a ride on your disco stick! ♫
*not sure he wants to know the rules to Mookie’s version of the “stick game.”*
*is pretty sure she knows the rules*
There are rules?
“Not in my hair!”
“Not on the face”
“Not when my hemorrhoids are flared-up”?
“Not while the farmer’s still in the barn”
“Don’t call me daddy.”
*scootches away*
Wow I haven’t scootched in a long time.
I always stretch for a minute or two first.
Ahhhh, memories. For a while there Ry was the cause of all the scootching. Happy days…!
*Snickers*
Squeeze!
Only the ones you agree upon before playing. It’s the most fun stick game you could ever play.
The one who has the p*ssy, makes the rules. At least, that’s how we play it.
All in all, we all do.
*sigh*
We all do.
Yeah, no guy wants to hear, “What are you doing?” in the dark.
Nor do they want to hear “Is that it?”… well… ever.
It’s better than “honey is that you?”
That’s a strong argument for leaving the lights on.
I have yet to hear a strong argument for turning the lights off. Are you kidding?
So you can’t see Santa’s goatse?
It’s whoever has the conch, not the c*nt.
Now give me back my glasses.
Twat? I c*nt hear you.
Are you two finished with your c*nt breakfast yet?
What? You thought Santa brought Frosty to life just to make kids happy?!! Sometimes Santa needs to receive a little joy.
What kind of magic was really in that old silk hat they found??
Magic? It’s SILK dahling!! It was FABULOUS!!
Me thinks Santa is about to give Frosty a steaming pile of joy. …
Sooooo….now we know how Rudolph became a red-nosed reindeer….
But how do you explain the orange in Frosty’s nose?
SOT: What did one snowman say to the other?
.
.
.
Do you smell carrots?
That joke was given the cold shoulder.
*warmsqueeze*
*Scarfs*
Hats off to you guys, just don’t treat me with kid gloves.
*hotsqueezes*
*melts*
*scrapes Arthur off the oven floor*
*nibbles one of Arthur’s cookies*
Arthur made cookies?!?!
*omnomnomnom*
I hope you don’t have to work today…
*giggles*
Work? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Ooh, are those his “special” recipe?
*noms cookie*
*sneaks out of naughty corner and steals a cookie*
Nomnomnom
*Grabs bullhorn*
*Yells* “BBB snuck out of naughty corner—na na na na naaaaa na”
Hmmm, a fluffy white marshallow man in a top hat getting someone to bend over for potato insertion. Well I never.
*snickers*
*Twix*
*100 Grand*
*Whatchamacallit*
*Buttafinger*
(at least that’s what I call it)
(g)reeses
Where is the union rep? That is Marius’ job to snicker. You will be fined and removed from the job site if you continue to try to do other’s work.
What’s this? I’ve been snicker-snacked?
If scab wasn’t such a nasty sounding word, I would call them scabs but there was no picket line. The only picketing going on was I heard AE saying something about not being able to picket it at work and now he can’t breathe very well.
There you are!
Hold still Moomin, I’m using the 2 posts to triangulate your exact location.
Ha ha! I read that as 2 potatoes!
We already know where the first potato is.
Hot Potato!
*sings Hot Potato in the City*
*It’s so young but not so pretty*
Santa is about to get a hit and Frosty is ready to catch it.
Baseball the way Abner intended it to be played.
Surely i’m not the only one who thought “santa goatse”?
Yes you are. And don’t call me Shirley.
I just want to tell you both good luck. We’re all counting on you.
Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?
I know what this is about, you want me to have an abortion.
George Zip said that?
nope, my first idea too
Honey, why do these frozen carrots smell llike ass?
Jon Gosselin, you stupid ass… those are not carrots!
Cryophobia – fear of extreme cold, ice or frost.
Looked for a Christmas phobia, but couldn’t find one.
Then it’s gotta be Arthurophobia.
There’s gotta be a phobia of Santa.
No, but I did find these:
Erythrophobia or Erytophobia or Ereuthophobia – 1) Fear of redlights. 2) Blushing. 3) Red.
Ha! When my daughter was 3, a neighbor put a more than life size Santa in his yard. My daughter screamed and cried….”that scares my feelings!”
When my son was little, we went to see Barney the dinosaur. He had just started getting popular. He sees the guy in the costume and says “that’s just a guy in a barney suit”. Without thinking, I say “no Barney ate the man for lunch”. My error dawned on me as every kid around us started crying and my son just giggled.
*snork*
Did he taste just like chicken?
w/potatoe?
Dan? Is that you?
Some quayle, too, apparently.
Because phobias are irrational, fear of Christmas is not.
Tell that to Santa.
Afraid to – Santa will eat me.
I thought Santa was more of a spanker?
Hmmm, this requires research.
*goes off to visit Santa*
Gracie’s balloon just went off?
oh that’s just a media ploy
Only if you’re on the “Naughty” list.
*adds that to list of things to research*
There’s more than one list? *wonders if it is too late to get on the other list*
There’s a list? I just get spanked by a person in a red suit every year. I thought everyone did.
And that’s why you get your lump of coal in diamond versions.
Actually reminds me of one of the stories in Augusten Burroughs’s book You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas (This is the guy who wrote Running With Scissors .)
BTW, that’s not supposed to be an emoticon at the end of that sentence – just in case you’re trying to decipher it.
You were running with scissors and had your eye out with that?
I changed my mind – yes, that’s what it means.
*nods knowingly*
*looks confused*
*turns away and bumps into the wall*
Daddy that creepy man keeps winking at me.
Just take the money and give him the fake address like we discussed.
Can’t. Scared.
Tell it to Rudolf, he can talk to Santa.
like mary can talk to jesus
Goatse
Damn, work is keeping off FB today.
How dare they?
hate when that happens!
*pokes head in…runs to next meeting*
GOATSE!!!!!
Frosty the proctologist?
was a very merry man…
What’s so crazy about this? Most people like carrots in a tossed salad.
What is your preferred method when you toss salads?
:ick:
I’m not eating at Matt’s house. Ever.
Lubed……
And candied nuts on the side?
psst–ry–candied NUT
Potato salad for me!
I like pirate candles lit on white linen with my salad
That it not be recycled.
♫ Santa’s nuts roasting on an open fire ♪
Sad thing is, you can find this at Biglots. Saw it there on the 13th. >.<
Lucky you.
Now I want to go to Big Lots and put one on the neighbor’s lawn.
Don’t worry. Things have been worse. Or why did the German news anchor say :”Auch die Konzerne Yahoo und Google sind Opfer sogenannter Phisting-Attacken geworden”. (Translation: “Also the corporations Yahoo and Google have become victims of so-called phisting-attacs.) So, it’s only *** Santa.
um, it says Big Lots in the caption
2 Christmas decorations 1 cup
So is this a bigger fail because Santa is about to let it rip in Frosty’s face or because Frosty is warming himself by a fire.
Because if Santa does let it rip, the resulting fireball will melt Frosty’s face off.
LMFAO…..wow
Is it that an Xmas or a Santa Fail? Hard to define…
I think the snowman found a way to get back on the “good” list
way funny.
Made in China
You are so lucky you didn’t say Japan. BFF would be all over you!
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good fail.
Ever had a stick-job?
Wahl, this gives an entirely new dimension to the term “Christmas Creep,” now doesn’t it? :laugh:
The true story is, while Santa is busy bringing home the joy and cheer, Mrs. Clause messed around with the “Bumble” and brought home genital warts. Now, as a great friend of santa, Frosty helps to sooth the burning with his icy cold relief.
Santse.CX D:
snowman wont have much of a face left tis season
*Frosty is feeding the gerbil OR
*Who knew Santa was the catcher… We all thought he was the Pitcher OR
*You wanna what what in the butt butt…. OR
*Man those fajitas are biting me back..watch out Frosty this is going to be a blue flamer OR
*Hot Chocolate?, Frosty
I work at a Big Lots, and a lot of people are buying this thing. I’ve been letting the customers know that last years entry was far worse, which was a dog that peed on said snowman while a yellow LED went off on his side, much more classy this year with the dutch oven from Santa. Can’t wait to show this to my co-workers!
I LOVE Big Lots!! I just wanted to tell you that. Oh and I saw this at the one in Pleasanton, CA. It was hilarious. No I didn’t buy it.
Doesn’t this make Santa the ho?
and that’s why we put an Angel on top of the Christmas Tree…..
what really disturbs me is that frosty looks like he’s ready to catch something….
Don’t be absurd. He is just measuring to make sure he gets the right sized potato.
oh god, you’re right XD
this is so a win! I bought one of these for my dad last year for Christmas. It was a super hit! Too funny!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dW2MwE8UFU0
SOATSE!
HAHAHAHA I saw this one too at Big Lots. hahaha