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Cheezburger Network Blog
First!
Starting from pole position tommorow, yay.
I wish you good luck!
I wish you lock God
Only Chuck Norris Can Lock God.
Yes. Yes, you are. You can cross that off today’s to-do list.
I’m doing it wrong?
yes you do
Yes you are would be more correct…
Yeah, but being correct is overrated.
Correct. Write.
You’ve never relaxed in the toilet? It’s awesome. The water is nice and cool, and every now and then you flush and get a nice whirlpool going round you.
fishes swim in their own poop (or waste depending on the audiance) all the time
Hmm i see you have experience mister Fluffy the Fish
Stop twirling your mustache Mr. Ms B ♥
But…but…it really adds to my evil mystique! And you know, those evil acts help you burn calories!
Here, Ms B, have a Dark Side cookie. They’re fresh baked!
*holds out plate of cookies*
*omnomnomnom!*
Yum! You have any more?
*whips up new batch of DS cookies*
*holds out plate*
Here ya go! Try to share this time, ok?
Share?! That’s not evil enough for me.
Quit looking at me like that!
Ok, fine! I’ll share!
When evil comes to Ms B’s eyes, Gracie’s DS cookies goes to her thighs…
But if she does an evil act, she loses 5 pounds, so it’s all good. Cookie?
I thank you for the cookie and hopefully Ms B will let me join her in evil acts to burn calories.
*noms DS cookie*
There my little fanged werebunny!
*squeeze*
Where the devil have you been? Stop working so hard, dammit!
But then I can’t pay for the DSL that brings me here, or the amusement park’s taxes.
*squeeeeeeze*
right down the toilet!
*gives Koprus a pair of glasses*
Glasses of wine? Koprus don’t need no more of those…
Reminds me of a friend of mine. His water bill was absolutely horrible, but he couldn’t figure out what was going on. One day, he was home from work, and heard the water running. He goes down to his basement’s bathroom, and there’s his cat, flushing and then batting at the water, flushing and batting, over and over and over again…
Hahaha!! I saw that video!
Happened to a friend of mine, too. That’s why I close my bathroom door when I’m not at home…that and I really don’t feel like cleaning up toilet paper confetti…
I just boot my kitty-puds outside. Helps blow the stink off their fur!
I have one who sits outside and cries and when you let him in he jumps in the sink so you can’t wash your hands.
I don’t let mine out, only because there are feral cats in the neighborhood and they are pretty mean, but that’s not to say they haven’t tried…
We have three. One (mine) wants to be out for hours, and then in for five minutes. One (my youngest’s) wants equal time inside and out. The third (my oldest’s) wants to be outside for five minutes, and then in for days. It’s really funny!
Have three all fixed boys the big 23 lb one used to sneak out all the time until he came back home with teethmarks in his foot. Now they cautiously go out on the back deck but if you try to take them out they fight to go in.
My old cat used to sit in the sink so you could turn the water on for her to drink and play with.
Buster doesn’t go in the sink unless your using the potty it’s like he knows your going to need it.
That’s why he’s there. He does know. Now wash your hands so he can play. Who’s the master? Bus-Ter (of Harlem).
*throws paper confetti into Friday morning*
LOL… I think she’s fallen and can’t get up!
Have you met my cat in there?
Wow, she must be tiny!
Maybe the toilet is huge.
Maybe both?
I would not want to ever, ever, EVER have to clean that if it blocked.
she must got the wrong size
♥ A tiny toilet elf, sleeping in my toilet. How lovely ♥.
Let’s try not to get too much poo on her lest we wake her up.
*Hands elf her a toadstool in case of sudden golden showers*
This is just one of those messages that “the mob” sends when plumbers have pissed them off. PETA has turned them away from horse heads.
I could think of something worse thay could leave..wait that would be all in a days work for a plumber.
That’s okay Czuhc–my parakeet will eat it!
You can get a nasty concussion if the seat hits you while you’re relaxing.
That’s why, boys and girls, it is always important to keep the seat down.
that’s why you get the kind with the split in the front end, when it falls, you don’t get smacked in the face.
I just got a great mental picture of her wearing the split seat like a plough horse…
For some reason, when I read this I saw split pea soup.
That’s what they’re using for the “warming”.
third?
it depends..
…on your counting abilities…
…or your point of view.
This reminds me of one of the comments on itmademyday.com a couple of weeks ago, 28 year old sat right on the bowl because he thought the seat was a modification just for women.
I discovered that site last night, I never laughed so hard in my life. I even got my 19 year old to sit down with me and look at it.
I have a whole series that I look at every day, including thereifixedit.com, thatwillbuffout.com, crazythingsparentssay.com, and probablybadnews.com
Kthx I will check them out although I think I have seen Ifixeditmyself.
Thanks for the new site ideas JW.
Yeah, WordPress has some great stuff out there.
I submitted an entry to itmademyday and they had it on the front page on Halloween. It involved a costume idea one of my co-workers had.
Ha ha! I remember you telling us about him
Was that the pull toy costume?
I never got to actually see it, but picture a naked man in roller blades. That would be his pull-toy costume.
*jaw drops*
Just got it.
Took me a bit, too. I kept thinking (when he first told me) that he was going to need to tie a rope around his waist. And then it hit me. Duh.
Sorry. I read your post as “What was the pull toy costume.”
Yes, I submitted the pull toy costume. The mental picture still makes me smile.
Had to run to the bathroom when I read that one luckily there was no-one lounging in the commode.
Yeah, I gave him my phone number a couple of weeks ago, but he’s doing the yo-yo routine. He’s interested, then he plays the friend card, then he’s interested. I was getting dizzy. I told him he needs to make up his mind and stick with it. I don’t plan to wait around, though. Let him chase me for a while.
I hate hate hate the games people play when dating. Good luck!
That’s probably why my wife and I never really dated. Our first “official” date was like… 5 days before we got engaged, and it was sooooo awkward, we just sat there and didn’t really talk much. Now we’re married and definitely best friends.
I have been up-front from the first about being interested and being attracted to him, and I don’t play games. Don’t have much experience with dating. If this is what I have to look forward to, I’ll be banging my head on the wall a lot.
There is someone for everyone but you sometimes have to kiss a lot of frogs.
If they don’t turn into a prince does that mean I get to eat frog legs?
Speaking of which, my son is OBSSESSED with going to see Princess and the Frog. Expect to see us at the theater opening weekend for that one.
Don’t bang your head on the wall, that’s bad for the wall. Use his head instead.
Then I’d get a concussion!
*wonders how Gracie would get a concussion from banging the Yo-yo’s head into a wall*
*snork*
I thought you were saying to bang my head against his head!
Ah, confusion understood.
No, he might like that.
I wonder if it would help him make up his mind…
*considers*
Nah. I’d still get a concussion.
Wow…hard…head…
God for you. Yo-Yos are a pain.
You’re giving away God?!?!?!
Woohoo!
Somebody up there tried to lock God.
The nerve!
*bukkit* Stupid keyboard gremlins. *slides extra o into previous post*
Well, if his “rope” is worthy, I hope he comes up to snuff quickly.
I’m not holding my breath. He used to manage a club in Denver that was apparently a hot spot, and he’s used to women throwing themselves at him, but he won’t get that from me.
Gracie, you are a strong, confident woman. Don’t put up with any bullshit.
Beaucoup de poissons dans la mer.
Yup, and I’m going fishing later! Gonna go about it a bit differently and just ask him out for coffee, instead of play the phone crap.
Yes, yes, yes! You freakin’ go, girl!
Love you and I don’t even know you, Gracie.
*sista smoochy*
I dated a guy like that for over a year. When I got fed up and ended it, he called EVERY freaking day forever. by then I was with my now husband, who I clicked with immediately because of no games.
At least we weren’t in a relationship with him pulling all of this crap. But the last three weeks have been so confusing my head was spinning. And not even in a nice way!
ooh Tisch that was french! *Mamasalama begins to nom nom nom LGB’s shirtsleeve*
Eeep! I’m being nommed! Help!
have you seen itemnotasdescribed or cakewrecks?
I love cakewrecks! Also notalwaysright.
thx gracie! haven’t heard of that one. Best part of cakewrecks is the captions!
I think Jen would fit in well here. She’s so punny!
and the girl in the toilet is puny!
All you need now is some Mr. Bubble 3 n 1 and you’re good for the afternoon…free jacuzzi bubbles!
*warms pan*
Don’t forget the toilet brush for scrubbing those hard-to-reach areas.
Remember the episode of MASH where they got the mailorder bathtub where Father Mulcahy (sp?) comes out and hes got a toilet brush?
Is that for a deep toilet tisue massage?
Only if you are really into exfoliation.
*gives k@ a s for her tissue*
‘fanks! I am suffering from a typing impediment today.
It’s not you. It’s the keyboard gremlins.
*shakes fist at own keyboard*
Must be going around! I’m suffering from the same thing today.
Aww, come on! Be like me. Refuse to take responsibility for your flaws!!
*perfectly perfect thanks*
I tried that, but they all came home to roost. With reinforcements.
*gasp* The flaw flock ALL showed up!! Oh jeez. Do you need more newspaper for your floors?
I think my floors are a lost cause.
Ha ha! Mine too! Getting sick really messed with my cleaning schedule. I have a cold now! I was over the stoopit cough from the flu for 2 days, that’s it 2 days, and then this cold kicked in and the cough is back.
*grumblegrumble*
At least you were excused breifly for your b-day.
I’m shampooing carpets this weekend and rearranging my living room. Looking forward to the redecorating part, not looking forward to moving my piano. Luckily, my brother is coming to help me with the heavy thing.
Only if you warm it up first!
Not sure you want to know how it’s going to be warmed up…
Glorious Friday the 13th to all!!!
Will we be bringing some of these pillows to the cuddle puddle today?
Oh, they’re a must!
*looks wistful*
When are we opening the cuddle puddle?
*drags in hot tub*
We can start now!
Yippppeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!
…though I think I’ll avoid the hot tub…
*coolbutteryFridaysqueezies*
*butterysqueezes*
*hands out mimosas*
*jumps into cuddle puddle*
Oooooh
Cuddle Puddle
Long time no squish
*dives in*
*snags Mimosa*
*sinks into cushionny softness*
*indignant*
So I’m not a hardbody!
*CUDDLEATTACK!!*
*cannonballs into cuddle puddle*
Mimosa, please?
*hands her sista in blue a mimosa*
*smurfysqueeze*
Thanks, G!
*sips*
Perfect-O-licious!
*Dives into cuddle puddle*
*Squeeze all*
Needed this, been looking at the code for 3 days straight, seeing normal words has never been so nice.
This “cuddle puddle” reminds me of a CSI episode.
How does this cuddle puddle remind you of CSI?
*checks around for bodies*
The furries?
Well there was one in Las Vegas and one in NY. The furries in Las Vegas had cuddle piles where they “scritched” and it was peculiar. The one in NY was about a blind woman that was killed and one of the guys from the Drew Carey Show was uber “sensitive” which came off gay and it seemed all about frottage even though dry humping wasn’t supposed to go on.
*wriggles back against warm and happy feelings*
*grabs a mimosa*
Aaaahhh! The bubbles are perfect.
BBB… nobody turned on the jets yet… what did you eat last night?
Oh dear. *blushs* Excuse me.
I’ll just sit on the edge here and dabble my toes.
Nope. You’re either in or you’re out.
*drags Mamasalama into cuddle puddle*
*squeeze*
Refreshing what’s a little methane between friends? *groupcuddlesqueeze*
HAHAHAHA, my sister posted this as her other FB status on Tuesday: “just dutch ovened josh, and now he isn’t too happy.” (josh is her fiance). Later, he posted the dictionary definition of what a dutch oven is.
Later, I asked my sister whether the oven was accidental or malicious, and her response was “definitely malicious, the opportunity presented itself and I acted on it.”
*wipes tear of joy* That’s my little sister
His only retaliation option is to dutch blindfold her.
You would appreciate the celeb lol I made with the pope (I think it’s the Pope maybe he’s only a Cardinal) I just started making them. I liked the gas passing stories on IMMD where other people cracked up.
I think the best part were the comments people left who obviously had no clue what a “dutch oven” is.
what is the “other” FB of which you speak?
Facebook.
ah, makes sense! thx
Methane? Pfft! I work in a fertilizer plant. Bring it on!
I work for a natural gas pipeline company.
*continuing to pass gas*
*adds molten sulfur and ammonia to the mix*
Don’t light a match!
Best we all keep on Dragon’s good side for a while, huh?
*twitches around fearing FOOM*
Are you kidding? With all this gas around anybody could make us FOOM!
*starts industrial-sized exhaust fan*
I’m down at anytime. Feeling frisky today. I love Fri. the 13th.
What is the cuddle puddle? Sounds messy.
Depends on who’s in it. Sometimes there are waterfights and people spill their mimosas.
Mimosas are great much better than bloody marys
I believe that mojitos are also available.
Mojitos is that with mint leaves? I had a mint julep once I got better.
yep yep
*raises hand sheepishly*
I have fallen into a toilet…..in Greece…it was broken….I was 6…. it took me weeks to feel clean again.
I was about the same age when I fell into the toilet at a cousins house. Definitely gross. But, on the upside, now people pay to have several layers of skin scrubbed off for that raw pink look.
Greece…..Long drop
*disinfectedcuddlefork@*
Poor thing. I’ll never tease you if you have potty issues.
What’s a cuddle fork?
Well, I hear forking is more fun than spooning.
I think it’s like a cuddle puddle, but spiky.
I was at Home Depot when a very proud toddler used a display toilet to show what a big girl she was…We all laughed even the employee who had to clean it up she was sooo proud her Dad was embarassed but he agreed that at that age any potty in a stor (m). I did notice they no loger have toilets on display anywhere near the floor.
My older brother did that. He was having such a hard time with potty training that my mom was just excited that something finally clicked!
Aaagh fumblefingers!!!
Log-er- makes sense! (now where is the pukey face)
I just barely got an avatar moticons are my next project (clueless)
: roll :
: shock :
: cry :
: oops :
: mr green :
: twisted :
: evil :
No spaces- there are more
My phone needs emoticons for when I’m texting.
The other FB really needs to have them too.
Yes, they do. They’re so behind the times!
*sigh*
Huh? All I said was “I agree” and it got eaten. FailBlog is hungry today!
Speaking of the other FB, anyone seen Cupcake yet?
Cupcake?
Hee hee! Someone got a new nickname!
Haven’t been on the other FB today. They’re really frowning on that at work. Who is it?
Cupcake?
Ooh, I smell a story! Spill the details, my sister-in-blue!
[whisper] C’mon, Judy, what’s the scoop? [/whisper]
*leans in close*
Hee hee! Just one of those silly quizes. A nickname generator.
The other fb already does have emoticons, and actions get bolded when you * * them. When you use the chat it has them all available.
Oh, for crying out loud. Now you guys are gonna make me get a Failbook account, aren’t you?!
All right. I’ll check it out this afternoon. But no promises, k?
Can we call him cupcake when he get’s in or are we being (tehee) respectful of his feelings?
Do it, LGB! Do it! Become one of us! One of us! One of us!
Respectful, nothing! I’m calling him cupcake!
Why are you making a big deal about calling him by his name? Tee hee.
Sheesh… I’m already on the other FB… I’m going to have to try to locate you all so I can stay connected outside of Failblog…
Sorry – didn’t mean to pop out and leave you guys hangin’, but I see Ms. B filled you in. Ain’t it cute?
There is a famous Italian model with my name. If you also plug in Boston’s number 4’s last name you should find me.
The Bruins that is.
It’s indescribably beautiful my first moticon *weeps with joy*
Is that cry silly me be patient this is all very new to me BTW where is the guy with no pants? (yes yes I have been reading entries for a while too chicken#$!t to join in until recently)
Yes, that’s : cry : . Too bad he looks sad, though.
You mean Brewski?
*snickers*
Oh he would just love that!
*squeeze*
I used to have to park far away in the heat and they were looking for ways to motivate us one of my suggestions was always “No Pants” it got to be a joke in our cubicle quad.
That was my first impression of him as well.
Welcome Mamasalama. I’m a newbie as well. After you read for a while, you just can’t help wanting to be a part of the madness.
*orders sign from signage shop*
*waits two weeks*
*receives sign*
*plugs in*
*sparkle*WELCOME, MAMASALAMA!*sparkle*
*turns on rotation device for sign*
*reverse side reads:
Welcome BoppitybopBopper!!!*
*bursts into joyous tears*
This is why you guys are so irresistable. You’re such wonderful people!!
*massive group squeeze*
*throws confetti and starts bubble machine*
Hey, leggo.
Just because I had beans last night doesn’t mean you need to feed me soap to create bubbles.
Wow, you really can use duct tape for EVERYTHING!
Where I live there’s no flush toilet, it’s a chemical toilet which I empty into my landlord’s septic tank. One freezing day in winter, I slipped on the ice. I won’t describe the results, but moments later you could have seen me naked on my doorstep pouring buckets of cold water over myself (no hot water either, btw).
To this day I can remember the smell, and feel unclean when thinking about it.
That the worst case of ring around the collar I’ve ever seen.
She is going to need a much bigger stain stick.
I must be on quite a coffee high today. WordPress keeps telling me I’m commenting too fast and I need to slow down.
Here, babe, have another mimosa.
There’s mimosas and no one told me?!?
They’re up there ^ with the cuddle puddle.
*hands LGB a mimosa*
*squeeze*
*brings mimosa’s from cuddle puddle and hands them around*
Thanks, don’t mind if I do! It’s almost noon, that’s not to early for a second!
*tosses Judy an extra ‘o’*
*squeeze*
Huh. It’s only 10:00 here. Please don’t judge me, but I think I’ll have another as well.
It’s noon somewhere.
Amen sista girl!
*tinks rim of glass against Gracie’s*
… Why do I get the feeling that I’m the lone guy actively commenting right now?
Are all the girls looking at you like a piece of meat?
Does he eat asparagus?
Being the lone guy rocks we appreciate you that much more!
You were supposed to bring the other boys to the party.
*pouts*
Being the lone guy is a little odd, considering I’m married and definitely “off limits.” Kinda feeling cast adrift in the estrogen ocean.
Well, Emp was here a minute ago. So you’re not entirely alone.
The fact that you put yourself off limits due to your marriage makes you more than welcome in the estrogen ocean. Float along. We support you.
Yeah, but he’s jail bait.
(Thanks for the “o”, Gracie! *squeeze*)
Just because I’m young(er) doesn’t mean I’m jailbait…
I promised myself I wouldn’t go here but… oh well…
Just because I’m young enough to probably be the son of some of my Failpeeps… (I’m 27)
Well, you can’t be drinking alone at 10AM! It is 10am here, so pass a mimosa por favor…..
*gives zooomz a mimosa and drags her to new fail*
ThanksIneededthat!
*downs mimosa*
Ah, lovely! Thanks so much, 3Bs and Gracie!
*slurps mimosa*
And you used the dom perignon, too! Delicious!
*specialFridaysqueezesforhersistas*
Only the best for my Failfriends!
*squeeziesallaround*
*returnsallsqueezies*
Happy, happy Friday!
Ablutophobia – fear of washing or bathing.
And, just for fun,
Bathophobia – fear of depth.
LGB, you’re starting to be with me even outside FB. The local radio station has trivia questions every morning. This morning, they asked a question about phobias. Made me think happy thoughts of you.
*wistful smile thinking of LGB*
Awwww, shucks, 3Bs…
Wait until you start dreaming about all of us…
Yes, it’s true. I’m a Fail Blog addict, too.
Yup. I talk about people here to my kids and my other friends all the time! Got my kids into saying “snork” and “roffle.”
*smiles proudly*
My daughter is coming out to visit in a week and you can be sure that she will be introduced to this group. She’s old enough that I won’t even have to blush while she reads.
*snorkitty*
Kewl, 3Bs!!! Can’t wait to meet her!
*gently pets snore kitty so as not to wake*
*puts tiny Thanksgiving Breathe Right™ strip on nose*
*PRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*
*nods head*
Ahhhhhh-yup. I talk about you guys all the time. My husband doesn’t get it, but my daugther does. S’nicey!
I just hooked up my BFF with Malicite. Well, she kinda did it herself. We were at lunch and enjoying some Philly steak sammies, and she was talking about her most recent visit out to PA, and I mentioned Mal. Then I told her he was going to law school and I think she fell in love. She then confiscated my phone to look at his FB page and sent him a message as me to introduce them. She said they had a pretty good conversation last night.
That. Is. So. Freaking. Cool.
Woohoo! Good for them both!
No one ever hooks me up with anyone
Well, Ryannon, all the guys I know eat asparagus.
Hahahaha
Same here, Ry.
*cries on Ryannon’s shoulder*
I can hook you up with my ex-husband.
I deactivated my FB acct because of inactivity should I gets one again? Had to do lunch run Mimosas for everybody since it is Noon here!
My co-workers beat me into submission and I wound up getting an account. I always said it was something I would never do because it was more my son’s thing.
My daughters though it was funny I was sad because I couldn’t find anyone and no-one was obviously looking for me. Oh and Twitter just made me want to punch a baby.
Never tried Twitter. I have a MySpace page I don’t go to anymore and Facebook. It’s enough.
Are you there as Gracie?
Automysophobia- Fear of being dirty
Triskedektophobia fear of Friday the 13th.
I hate Friday the 13th. My mother died on Friday the 13th that happened to be Good Friday. The lapsed Baptist (pretty much absent at this point) in me was sure the world was ending on Sunday.
*empathy hug for Ry* Similar story for me.
*squeeze to both*
Hey BG!! Wassup mini thriller?
*squeeze*
I’m actually in a decent mood. Considering a had a bad year, so I’m gonna ride it out on my little legs.
*does hobbit dance*
How is everyone else on this fine Friday the 13th?
Grand thanks. You missed the mimosa’s, but I have a selection of Mojito’s or White Russians.
Take your pick and drown your sorrows. Cuddle puddle all over the place. Pick a spot and splash in, but don’t ask about the bubbles. Oh. And no matches.
I love a strong white Russian… The drink I mean, I never tried the other kind.
Nah the world ends on Tuesday which is Soylent Green Day and Prince Spaghetti Day!
Mmm Spaghetti. I just ordered some for lunch.
mmm Soylent Green….
Mmm Soylent Spaghetti…
SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!! IT’S PEOPLE!!!
mmmm people…
Ouch!! You fanged me!!
*shakes finger at BG*
You’re supposed to wait until AFTER I’m soylent!
Sorry…I know, I know “No nom Failpeeps”
*quietly sips White Russian*
Want a free pass to my amusement park? Just don’t come on a full moon.
Local coffeeshop has Tuesday is Soylent Green Day sign at register most don’t know what it means.
Soylent Green is people!!!
It’s a classic Charleton Heston movie. You should see it.
It’s Edward G. Robinson in a white mumu!
I found this at an English Newstand in Brazil.
I got waxed at a Brazillian newstand in England.
I got laid in an out-of-business newstand in Pittsburgh.
Wow, you make me feel better about my experience at Disney now.
In case of an emergency this seat will double as a flotation device.
This reminds me of the only Hill Street Blues episode I remember. I guy got his head stuck in a toilet.
My new favorite fail
My favorite failblog name. It makes me think of a rabbi for some reason.
That’s odd. It makes me think of this dirty old man that I had to sit next to on the bus once. He was McRubbinit like it was about to fall off.
Reminds me of the guy on the subway that time. He told everyone it was his house and he could do what he wanted.
*snork*
*squeezes BBB & Garnet*
You guys made me roffle for real!
*checks off list* Good!
um…ew:tongue:
*looks at Mama tongue*
Looks fine to me.
I once saw a doctor’s ad that said that your first visit included a ‘complimentary urine dip’. I guess this is what he was talking about.
Hee hee! I read that as your fist visit!
Is Urine Dip good with nachos?
*pushes away remnants of lunch*
urggghhh…
I mean
I forgot the green man smiles.
Cuddle Puddle moving to next fail.
Man I had to leave and now I finally got thru all the posts since i left. Pass me a white russian and some of those DS cookies and let’s get down to brass tacks.
HAHAHA! I’ve heard of disgusting scat stuff, but this is ridiculous: looks like she’s enjoying taking a soak in her own leftovers.
Shitter’s full!
Lol wth?!
Have fun trying to bath in there!!!!
Enjoying a nice soak in the brown bubble-bath. You can even warm it up without using the faucet. Oh wait- there is no faucet. Mmmm.
i thought the flower was a anus
Calgon, flush me away!
hahaha