ATM Security Fail
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Cheezburger Network Blog
damn
…must hold back the flood of money.
I read that as Moonies- I need some sleep!
♪ When the moonies hit your eye like a big pizza pie ♫
There’s Moomins!? Where?
There’s Mormans!? Where?
There’s morons! There!
*points at trolls*
iTS AN ATM MACHINE.
sorrry caps lock on.
Its a time machine
Automatic Teller Machine machine? produced by the department of redundancy department no doubt…
*clears throat*
*roffle!*
HERE
*marshmallow squeeze*
Dar, she blows!
That costs extra. I know an ATM where you can get the money though.
*writes out a “ATS” sign (Asynchronous Transfer of Squeezes)*
*hangs sign around neck*
*waits*
*SQUEEZE!*
*SQUEEZE*
*Squeezes the ATS*
Best machine ever!
Yay!!!
*squeeze*
*claps hands with joy*
*squeeze*
*gets back in line*
*squeezeagain*
*gets back in line*
I could do this all day!
*tentative squeeze*
*BIG SQUEEZE!*
[warning siren blares--TILT! TILT! TILT!]
Teehee…!
Best. Costume. EVAR!
Agreed!
*SKA-WEEEEEEEEEEEZE*
-poke-
=D
The Moomin is here! The Moomin is here!
*jumps up and down*
*claps hands*
Whoop!
*squeeze!*
Someone must of HIT the jackpot.
Aaaacccckkkk! Good thing our good friend Dragon isn’t here to see that.
Did he just do what I think he did?
of != have
*cries*
I’m so sorry! You usually don’t pop in until the afternoon fail!
*squeeeeeeeeze!*
I feel your pain, Dragon. I had to listen to NPR reporters saying “that’s the reason why” this morning.
At least the BBC reporters didn’t do it.
Let’s play pattycake with Bakeman…
*squeezesdabuttacow*
*provides ‘r’ for the Bakeman at no extra charge*
Rrrrrrrr….*facepalm*
*thankyousqueezesforLGB*
Yeah, but I cringed.
Why did he ‘HIT’ the jackpot? Was it misbehaving?
Isn’t that illegal?!
Only if it’s under 1,000,000 internets.
And only if he posesses a potato.
they’re just making it harder and harder to break into
What will they come up with next??
Bits of twine?
A chain of twist-ties?
A bungee cord?
Gum and tin-foil?
Chewing gum?
try our new and redisigned ATMs today! now part refrigerator! hahahaha
How else are you going to get cold hard cash?
Lousiana Congressman William Jefferson keeps it in his freezer. It’s very cold.
Why not? We have phones that can play music and games, get on the interwebs, and remotely control the stereo in the house. We need a combination ATM/fridge…
I wonder if this ATM is in Burrrrrbank…
I thought it was funny!
Ok, ok…I’m starting to feel like I’m in DW’s class…
It was BAD, I know…
But…but…
*sigh*
Fine, here, take ‘em.
*hands over notebook of jokes*
*hands over rubber chicken*
*taps foot*
And the whoopie cushion, miss.
Souvenirs, novelties, party tricks.
*spays Scotty in the face with a giant seltzer bottle*
*runsawaywithaquickness*
B-b-but it’s my favorite!
*hugs whoppie cushion*
*pffffffffft!*
I JUST SPRAYED MY MONITOR WITH COFFEE BECAUSE OF MY TYPO!!
I was more interested in how JW managed to spay Scotty.
In the face, no less. I didn’t think guys had their danglies there.
Obviously this dog avatar isn’t working out.
Aww! I think your dog is kinda cute.
*pets GS*
…
*tries to unobtrusivley slip an “r” into previous comment*
y’know, that was so classic, i had to put it in my profile… I hope y’all don’t mind =D
DW was here.
haha! My thoughts exactly! Tho I suspect the LCB might have been here too, what with the potential shinies.
She likes greenbacks too? Darn. I was hoping I could trade her several shiny quarters for a stack of $100’s.
I have over $1(us) in nickles and dimes in my pocket (darn parking garage was out of quarters)… Think I could get an upgrade? They’re shiiiiiiiiny.
But, that’s electrical tape, not duct tape!
(And, she’s much more inventive than that.)
But that’s the genius of the plan. It’s so simple, no one would suspect it!
You may be onto something….
MY duct tape is all purple and sparkly. This is obviously the work of an amateur.
Ah yes, I’ve seen your work around the universe.
And the
victimaccomplice clearly didn’t struggle enough.Yeah, In south Africa, they would really care…and that ATM would be gone, not just in monetary term, but gone…literally.
I don’t think we’re talking about the same thing.
Held together with the force!
…of duct tape.
Meh. That duct tape was obviously applied by a rookie. A true Duct Tape artist would have been able to make the ATM more secure than it was before… and would have recreated the bank’s logo with different colors.
Duct tape is also one of the ways to shave a wookie.
*doesn’t care to get close enough to a Wookie to try to shave it, duct tape or not*
Just because you haven’t seen one doesn’t mean they aren’t real. Wookies I believe in. Ewoks, however, are another story.
Ewoks are SO real!
Then why are you claiming that the 7 foot tall furry creature that can rip your arms out of its sockets isn’t real?
Hee! When I play Lego Star Wars, I like to be Chewie. When he gets too close to somebody to use his blaster, he rips their arms off! It’s funny!
Have you check out peopleofwlamart.com?
They are real and they walk amoung us, in walmart.
I have…some of those people are just…
*has loss for words*
One of my coworkers gets some of those pics sent to her in emails, and feels the need to share them with me.
I’m just surprised there aren’t more people from this area on the site.
Okay. I’m a believer:
ht tp://www.peopleofwalmart.com/?paged=31
Oh good lord no. Anything but that. Except a curtain hanging potato. Anything else…
That site is like a train wreck.
That went through a wet tie dye curtain thing. and then ended up in the blog swamp.
When I was going through a hard time feeling self-conscious from panic attacks that were worst at Walmart and didn’t want to go, my dad said, “Have you seen the people at Walmart? No one is looking at *you*.” Thanks dad. I just sent him this website.
Every once in awhile they venture out to the streets of Chicago. I saw a guy a week ago that, had we been in a Walmart, he’d have made the site. Neon tie-dyed everything. Even his oversized velvet “top hat”. He also looked like he was wearing a bathrobe as a jacket.
i guess it’s kinda a super tape
A kinda, gentla super tape.
I see we are going to the honor system. Must be in Sweden
You missed spelled Canada Jules.
Who is this elusive “spelled Canada Jules”? What an unusual name.
What ever.
Duck tape does again. No quacking.
does it?
sorry forgot “it” don’t kill me.no non noooooo. put dowm that atm 47 oops ak47.
That lock can be picked easily, but not even superman could pry that open with that awesome tape job.
You think so? But Hanna Montana can.
Granny’s hiding in the Ass To Mouth machine.
glory holeluja
Automatic Tit Massage, granny?
ooh yes please!
this is going to be so much better than the time I caught them in the shredder
Machines would be too impersonal for such a venture, wouldn’t they?
Its like tightrope walking, fun until you look down
*jaw drops*
*eyes widen*
*shakes head*
*runs for hot shower and a sedative*
Don’t forget the mind bleach.
We always keep plenty of mind bleach on hand when Granny’s around!
Gadzooks!! I’m out!!
Ms.B, can you spare a little?
You’ll need more than a little…
*backs tanker truck of mind bleach up to the loading dock*
This may be a good sized dose to start with, the rest is on backorder.
Try a vat…
There’s a few drums sitting next to the showers. Help yourself.
Sweet!!
*puts on Animal costume*
SHOWER PARTY, PARTY, PARTY!!!
*beats on drums*
manamana
♪ Doo, dooooo, doo, doo, doo… ♪
♪ Mahna Mahna do-do-dadodo
Mahna Mahna do-do-do
Mahna Mahna do-do-dadodo-dadodo-dadodo dadodo-dadodo-do-do-it-do-do♪
Electrical tape can solve many problems.
Can it get rid of my thighs?
Yes, but you don’t want to go through the proceedure. Trust me, you don’t.
Besides LGB, you kind of need them to connect your calves and feet to your torso.
Do we have an address on this specific machine? I’m running a little low and this looks like it would make re-upping nice and easy.
well.. everything can be fixed with duct-tape..
sheesh… three ATMs fixed like this won’t cause a bankrupt bank. but some greedy bamk managers… will do!! Remember the douche banker’s words that over-the-top boni are beliked by god?? O-O
Your name makes me want to invite you to be my friend…your comment makes me reconsider.
I thought you liked engineers.
There are a special few, which includes you!
*scratches Jules behind the ears*
We aren’t all evil!
Brewski… you’re not helping the case of “engineers aren’t evil, just misunderstood.”
Though they are the bane of my existence, engineers aren’t evil. Just impossible to communicate with.
Engineers so are evil, but at least they’re not architects.
But we don’t have anymore red bananas.
Yes, we have no bananas
*has a knees up with Mother Brown*
You’re bananas!
B A N A N A S
That. Was. Just. Mean.
Pffft! I speak only the truth!
Ha! I’m a Buyer, hated by all, including engineers!
Job – fail
Hey! Where the heck are all the parts for my prototype build?? I needed them last week!! Get on it!
I’m sure you didn’t fill your requisition in, in triplicate, and sign it in blood!
blood? hehe the pretty crimson rain… a nice little shower of death.. ohhhhhh…. and that sweet, sweet taste….
8D
Ms B, you with never the communication reasons I seriously abdicate! Contemporaneous mandibles accost the very essence!
Have a beer, Brewski. You’re babbling!
*squeeze*
*squeeze*
I know, I like to complain about the hellish engineers I work with. Sorry about that to all my wonderful engineer failfriends. For some reason you seem to have escaped the stereotype. Hey! You are the exeption that proves the rule!
Yay!!! I am a ’special’ Engineer.
*leg flails wildly*
you’re “special” all right………..
Eats paste special?
Hey, man — I like eating paste. Does that mean I’m special, too?
Only if you can eat paste and news paper and poop out a worm, paper mache piñata.
yeah, but will your parakeet eat your diary?
I’m a hit at parties!
especially when you show up getting out of the short bus….
Hey, it smelled like peppermint! Who wouldn’t like a big pasty jar of peppermint?
What’s a bamk manager?
an upgrade from a bad manager, I think
morning everyone!
Ahhhh… Thanks for the clarification!
*squeezyzooomy*
*squeezyLGB*
This is more to “There, I fix’d it!” XD
Locks only keep the honest out.
Honestly and for true?
*smooch*
Pinky swear.
Brings to mind The Jack Sparrow speech in POTC 1 when he is outlining honest and dishonest people to Barbosa.
Hee hee! I was thinking Bugs Bunny.
Oh and,
*smooch*
It’s easier to be dishonest when the locks are broken than when they’re working.
As we all know, there is a word for (almost) every phobia known to human kind. The names for these phobias have always fascinated me for some reason, I think in part because the words are not put together ad hoc, but rather must follow a strict grammatical guideline.
The word phobia is Greek; therefore, any word that is connected to it should be Greek. Mixing-in Latin (i.e., the word ‘television’: tele = Greek [meaning distant], and vision = Latin [meaning a seeing]) when naming a phobia is strictly verboten.
For the next couple of days, I’m going to find the “fear in the fail” and then report. Please enjoy.
Today’s phobia:
Chrometophobia or Chrematophobia — fear of money.
Wow- thank you.
I suffer from a fear of making a fool of myself, so much so that I regularly make a fool of myself- Ironic really!
You know, given Failblog, there’s bound to be one of the following:
Phallusphobia
Amaxophobia/Motorphobia
Basiphobia
This should be fun – thanks, LGB!
Is LGB the new Fuzz???
…just curious…
TMI Service lives on…
Destroyed by MTV,
I hate to bite the hand that feeds me
so much information
Video killed the radio star…
(1,000,000 internets to whoever gets the connection with Moomin’s comment and mine)
Money for nothing?
I have no idea.
The Buggles!
“Video Killed the Radio Star” (by “The Bugaloos”) was the first video played on MTV.
Dammit! Buggles! Dammit!
And there was me, trying to find a link with Duran Duran. *shrugs*
izzat kinda like ‘muggles?’
YES!!! CONGRATULATIONS, LGB! YOU WIN 1,000,000 INTERNETS!!!
*bell rings*
*lights flash*
*studio audience cheers*
The information age of hysteria
Nice LGB!
I don’t have this particular phobia. It does seem that money is afraid of me though.
me too Scott! It just runs away as fast it can…
*sigh* I miss money. It used to come and visit me, but lately it doesn’t even show up, let alone stay for a visit.
Money? What’s that?
A figment of our collective imagination, nowadays. It’s just bits travelling through wires. I almost never use cash anymore.
*return-squeeze!*
I’ve gone back to using cash. Swipe and sign just isn’t real enough for me. When I actually see the numbers on the bills leaving my wallet, I have a much better sense of how much I’m spending, and I stay within my budget.
Besides, I like the occasional confused look I get from the clerk when I pull out real money.
Heaven forbid the machine break and they actually have to count out your change…
I’ve been to places that don’t accept cash.
Many airlines no longer accept cash for beverages/food. They require credit cards.
I always use a credit card… 1% cash back, a free running loan (I always pay off my balance in full every month), and I get a free monthly summary tracking all my expenses. Nice!
Granted, though, it does require one be careful to not spend more than one can pay off at the end of the month.
We always use our BP Chase card (for those in other parts of the world, BP was originally “British Petroleum” and is one of the more common gas stations here in the states) because we get a 5% rebate on all gas purchases… which add up quickly when I’m driving my 90 mile/day commute to and from work.
How can a place not accept LEGAL TENDER?
What’s really fun is to do that with an expensive purchase. I paid in cash at the doctors office the other day and the poor receptionist looked sooooo baffled!
A figment of our collective 1magination, nowadays. It’s just bits travelling through wires. I almost never use cash anymore.
*return-squeeze!*
(second post is the charm)
Oh no. Money is ALIVE! It has a self preservation instinct like none other. Don’t believe me? Take a $20 out and try to rip it up or burn it.
You just can’t do it without remorse.
Can I try it with a $1 instead?
And that alone proves my point.
*patting own back*
Wait… you actually have a $20 bill? I thought they were an endangered species…
Favorite game for my grandfather: He goes to the bank, gets a whole bunch of $2 bills, gets a rectangle of heavy card stock and rubber cements one edge together to form a pad of $2 bills. Then when he goes to pay for something at the store, he rips one of the bills off the pad and hands it to the cashier with the comment “Here, this one’s dry.” Freaks them out about 90% of the time.
*snorkroffle*
Ha!
I used to get suspicious looks when I used $2 bills. I used to get them in change at Post Offices and the State Ferries (govt offices). People didn’t believe they were real!
Same thing with the latest attempt at $1 coins.
I felt that way when they started redesigning the paper money with color. They looked like play money!
That’s what I said when they started that! They might as well put a train on it and call it a day, because it looks like Monopoly money!
I used to hate to get them when I worked at a register. There is no slot for them in the cash tray.
you aren’t supposed to put them in ash tray
Good, ’cause I didn’t.
*snork!*
I would have loved your grandpa JW.
*warm fuzzy feelings*
It’s an alternative to trading livestock and vegetables based on the principle of bartering and currency, but that’s not important now.
Shirley you can’t be serious!!
I just want to tell you both good luck. We’re all counting on you.
Do you know what it’s like to fall in the mud and get kicked… in the head… with an iron boot? Of course you don’t, no one does. It never happens. Sorry, Ted, that’s a dumb question… skip that.
There’s a sale at Penny’s!
Scraps!
George Zip said that?
Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?
You know, if they keep printing the dollar like they have been and it tanks, bartering and trading may be more lucrative than what you have in the bank. I’m making efforts to live “off the grid” and be self-sustaining for the time to come.
(hmmm does that sound paranoid?)
*shrugs and returns to underground bomb shelter*
You’ll never catch me, but the government can!
Oh Please!! The government can’t catch it either. They just lie about having it and like the popular kids in high school, the rest of us are too cowed to call them on their bluff.
No, they can’t catch it, but they can sure print it…
But that doesn’t make THEM counterfitters. Noooooo.
Phobias scare me. Phobiaphobia.
and here I thought you only suffered from pantphobia…..
Vestiphobia — fear of clothing.
hahahahahahahaha one of my kids had that…
Aren’t you ahead of the game Brew? The only thing you fear is fear itself?
Ooh!! FDR is a phobiaphobe!
You’re in good company then. Dead, but good.
Ask not what your country can irrationally fear for you, but what you can irrationally fear for your country!
I don’t believe that fearing my country is always irrational.
I love my country, but I fear it too. Like a Bengal Tiger. hehe
*snork!*
I mean- not Brewski!
Although I did laugh a little, it’s not exactly a fail. I do hope everybody knows the real safe is in there, all well and locked electronically? They just “fix’d” a stupid lil plastic cover that makes the thing slightly more attractive.
It didn’t work.
Oh, darn.. really? I better cancel my trip to the ATM machine.
The one we have where I work at does that. lol…..
I duct tapes itself shut
Wow, AI is on its’ way.
*rubs mineral spirits over K@*
You know it’s not healthy to tape yourself shut with duct tape.
*removes unstuck duct tape.*
It’s the latest fashion.
*clickie* work safe
Hey, sticky tape fixes everything!
And non-sticky tape is just a poor rope.
Adhesive tape (specifically masking tape) was invented in the 1920’s by Richard Drew of Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing, Co. (3M). Duct tape (the WWII military version) was first created and manufactured in 1942 (approximate date) by the Johnson and Johnson Permacel Division. Its closest predecessor was medical tape.
The original use was to keep moisture out of the ammunition cases. Because it was waterproof, people referred to the tape as “Duck Tape.” Also, the tape was made using cotton duck – similar to what was used in their cloth medical tapes. Military personnel quickly discovered that the tape was very versatile and used it to fix their guns, jeeps, aircraft, etc. After the war, the tape was used in the booming housing industry to connect heating and air conditioning duct work together.
Soon, the color was changed from Army green to silver to match the ductwork and people started to refer to duck tape as “Duct Tape.” Things changed during the 1970s, when the partners at Manco, Inc. placed rolls of duct tape in shrink wrap, making it easier for retailers to stack the sticky rolls. Different grades and colors of duct tape weren´t far behind. Soon, duct tape became the most versatile tool in the household.
And thus the phrase “What do you mean it’s broken” soon became a challenge and a dare to grab the duct tape.
and about this time McGyver was born too
he is made of duct tape.
You so smart and informative LGB, I liked this article.Meegwetch.
*looks around for Judy*
*takes bow*
Thanks, 5 eagles!
A fake ATM….out to get ur pin and money!!!!!!!!!
If the machine is opened improperly an ink bomb goes off, marking the bills so they are useless.
So, you speak from personal experience, Tobb?
NOO! Shut up. jk lol. I seen it on Trailer Park Boys.
Can anyone see my comments? ’cause I sure as hell can’t, and I’ve deleted all the saved stuff (cache is empty), unless of course I can see this comment, in which case it is a lie, and you can just carry on about your day.
I’m not sure, Strategist. I have my eyes closed.
Where the hell have you been?!?
I don’t see any of your comments. I most certainly don’t see this comment. Are you sure you’re posting comments?
There’s comments? Where?
I think they’re somewhere in Australia, but I could be wrong.
I knew they should have turned left at Albuquerque!
Someone stole them from my personal ATM. Then did a quick job at fixing it…
I can not repsond to this comment, because I can not see it.
Psst: the cake is a lie
Actually it’s not a security fail. The actual vault is behind a vault door. The exterior door is just cosmetic.
Using clear tape would have at least been less obvious
*agrees with Micheal Janzen*
not really a fail. sorry bout ruining it but i think the high quality on failblog in essential, and stuff like this doesnt help.
not in use but money inside
i could withdraw money from that XDD not from my bank account
Sadly I can guarantee that this door is locked open on purpose. When the Cash Provider changes hands because of Dual Access locks, the previous company ‘Shelves Out’ and locks the safe door open, so that the new provider can ‘Shelve In’ and fill it with cash. Someone probably felt that the Wincod/Nixdorf safe door might hit a customer in the knees or something until it was filled.
oh wait, may be an oddball NCR model.
The machine is clearly out of service which is noticeable by the screen, seriously doubt any money is in the machine. However, since I work for Diebold it is a great opportunity to say NCR sucks!