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Cheezburger Network Blog
I guess we need more duct tape.
(Happy Birthday, sis!)
(Thanks!)
Happy Birthday!!!
*squeeze*
*specialbirthdayskaweeziesqueezeforMsB*
I know there won’t be cake, but will you have a stripper?
I think Brewski said yesterday that he’d come out of retirement just for MsB’s special day.
Happy birthday! Happy birthday!
.
*gives everyone a cherry turnover*
Many Happy returns of the day Ms B!
Happy Birthday!!!
Quick, come out, someone put a big cake on your porch!
Hurry, it’s collapsing!
I heard you having a birthday, Ms B!
*SQUEEZE*
HIPPY HOPPY HOOPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR MS B!!
*ska-WEEZE!*
Awwww, fanks guys.
Ms B is dressing up in her birthday suit?
w00t!!
*grabs chair and popcorn*
Eeeep!
*white streak seen exiting the room*
Streaking on her birthday, aww she is giving us the present.
*Happy Birthday Squeeze*
Drink Windex. Helps to prevent streaking.
Also makes your teeth sparkle.
I thought that was if you gargled with it.
Ms B!! I express joy at the observance of the anniversary of your existance!!
Plainly, I’m happy you’re alive!!
Hooray! *confettis*
(don’t you mean – Dammit!)
*passes out spam-free cupcakes with sparkly blue B decor*
Cupcakes!!!
*omnomnomnom*
Fanks! Is my tongue blue?
And sparkly!
*happybirthdaysqueezes*
Happy B day…pun intended!!
Throws sprinklies in air!
Blows on noisemaker
… and they call her the streak
look at that, look at that. …
Congratumalations! Happy birthday!
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most, live longest.
What if you were born on a leap year?
We beat you to death with pinatas for being awkward.
Hahahaha!
Four out of five Shamen agree.
And the fifth is being slowly roasted alive until he agrees, too.
Hippy Burpday, sorry I have hardly been around today….the general public are being odd at me more than usual-
*squeeze*
*returns to ego stroking nutters*
:mr green:
I thought that’s why it’s locked? No need for duct tape!
Joyeux Anniversaire!
¡Feliz cumpleaños!
Buon Compleanno!
יום הולדת שמח
お誕生日おめでとう!
生日快乐!
생일 축하해요!
*Happy Birthday Squeezies*
Before I forget to be gracious, Thank You all for the well wishes.
*SQUEEZE*
You may now return to your regularly scheduled fail.
Best First Comment in… ever? Yes. Ever.
Keep it down, willya???
Sorry, it always happens when I put Tabasco on Sophia – it makes her scream.
Trust me, so would I!!!
It seems to be a trend.
May your birthday be Tabasco free, Ms B!
(unless you like Tabasco)
It depends on where it is!
I don’t keep it in the refrigerator, if you’re worried about it being too cold.
You are sick and twisted. I like it.
Strange how well that and the Joe C0cker song snippet I used in the last fail tie together. They both remind me of the movie 9 1/2 Weeks .
(…and now you can throw away the moderated comment.)
In college, I had a guy take me on a first date to see 9 1/2 Weeks. Neither of us knew what the movie was about beforehand. That was an awkward date. We didn’t go out again.
.
A few months later another guy took me on a first date to see A Clockwork Orange. He DID know what that movie was about. I never dated him again. Freak.
.
I never went on any movie dates again after those two.
I can’t get anyone to go see Men Who Stare at Goats with me.
You must not live near Granny. She’d probably go with you.
*raises hand*
I’ll go!
Excellent! Meet you halfway – somewhere around Illinois?
I’m getting in the car now!
Awww, you’ll lose an hour of your birthday with the time zone change!
Hey, count me in on that party, too! I’d love to see that movie!
I totally want to see that movie! Every female I know wants to see that movie. What kind of weird chicks do you know?
*raises hand*
I soooooooooo want to see that movie!
Count me in!!!!
Way back when this was supposed to be a joke, not that it matters. Having read (part of) the book, I’m wondering how difficult it must have been to make it into a reasonable movie.
I do want to see it, and in all seriousness, will find someone interested in seeing it with me. I love George Clooney, and the topic has a lot of potential as a Failblogger-kind-of-comedy.
It was brought up in an early Numb3rs episode in the first year when a “psychic” for the CIA came in.
I feel you Velvet. I had a date take me to Wild Orchids. It was a first date. I was WAY uncomfortable, but he had ideas. I wonder if his knee ever healed properly?
HAHAHA! For your sake, I hope he still walks funny.
I love milk.
I like turtles!
*hides shellacked mackerel behind back*
I repeat:
ha ha ha!! That’s too much.
.
Many years ago, Alice Cooper asked out Linda Blair to watch the premiere of “The Exorcist”. He didn’t know that she was only 16 at the time. Can you 1magine going to the theater to see a horror movie, and seeing Alice Cooper and Linda Blair walk in? Yipes.
Anyway, she brought along a girlfriend, and they giggled and told stories during the whole movie. He tried to make smalltalk, like “How’d you make your head spin around like that?” But he said it was his worst date ever.
Almost best date I ever had was with a woman friend of a Texan friend who shared a birthday with me and took me to see Purple Rain.
The next morning, I was informed that she was married.
Almost best date.
That’s the only way I could get my ex to do certain things. He is hispanic, he won’t eat anything without Tobasco on it.
*winces*
*shakes bottle*
Come here, you…
Gonna have to shake more than that to make me come.
You don’t mean…
*gasp*
Dave’s Insanity, do you?
Three old men were talking about how much their hands shook. The first old guy said, “My hands shake so bad, that when I shaved his morning, I cut my face.”
The second old fogey one-upped him and said, “My hands shake so bad, that when I trimmed my garden yesterday, I sliced all my flowers.”
The third old man laughed and said, “That’s nothing. My hands shake so bad that when I took a piss yesterday, I came three times!”
OK, “tuna”. You’ve got 5 mins to come up with a joke.
I know one.
What is this, the honor system? OK, you win.
What’s the most musical fish?
A piano tuna.
Kindergarten teacher fish: oohh, I have a fishache.
School of fish: Maybe it’s a tuna!
Kindergarten teacher fish: It’s not a tuna!!
.
*dodges thrown tomatoes*
*hides*
I saw that movie. My family always says, “It’s not a tuh-ma,” when someone has a headache. Ahnold, our governator!
You have no idea how many times I hear that line.
“It’s cancer.”
*Avis squeeze*
*snork!*
I use that one from time to time if someone is being really rude! I love the look on their faces!
I’ll bet my friend who has the last name of “Toomer” hears it just as much or more than you do, Avis.
Man…that would get old really fast.
Wow, that would suck!
Maybe it’s lupus.
*SNORK!*
You can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Tuna.
Tuna who?
Tuna down your radio, I’ma trying to get some sleep!
Why did the girl put a tunafish in her underpants?
(I’ll let ya’lls answer this one; Brewski is sure to know the answer.)
hint: something about her sister.
has he ever tried a little bit of Scorned Woman Hot Sauce?
Dr3: Well, that’s also a form of contraception, innit?
*laughter*
(Being green and recycling)
you recycle your hot sauce?
is that before or after you eat it? (the hot sauce
)
Only green hot sauce.
Scorned Woman is bright red.
And that’s all I’m saying about that!
:ick: I’ve tried Scorned Woman, it’s not hot, just bitter.
My momma’s people are from Louisiana. Cajuns like Tabasco.
*spicyskaweezies*
nothing like spicing up the gumbo, is there?
Guess they already tried banging on the wall!
Rather than banging the person they’re with?
Or banging the person they’re with against the wall?
Or banging the wall against the person?
Or banging the person’s head against the wall whom they’re banging?
As long as there’s banging, it’s a banging good time!
Worked up an appetite with all that banging? Go out for bangers and mash afterwards.
Perhaps they just like an overabundance of Harvey Wallbangers in their diet.
♫ If you can’t bang with the one you love,
Bang the one you’re with!
Bang the one you’re with! ♫
♫ Bang, bang, bang on the door baby . . . ♫
♫ Get it on, bang a gong, get it on ♫
♪Bang, bang, Maxwell’s silver hammer
came down on her head.♫
♫ Bang bang, I hit the ground . . . ♫
♫ I don’t want to work . . .I want to bang on the drum all day ♫
♫ Bang bang, shoot shoot . . . ♫
♫ I dont wanna think about no one else ♫
everytime I think about you
I bang ♫ myself ooooh oh. ♫
We had a meeting among GPs today:
Dr1: I thought Dr M was the speaker for today and that she would lecture about contraception.
Dr2: She couldn’t come. She had an operation of the shoulder last week and can’t use her arm.
Dr3: Well, that’s also a form of contraception, innit?
*laughter*
Dr4: I’m really curious about what you’re insinuating.
*laughter*
Dr1: I don’t understand how not being able to use an arm works as a contraceptive.
Dr Czuhc: Exactly, you can always use the other arm to lean against the wall.
*silence*
*snork*
Awwww! We get you! You can just tell us your jokes and forget the stuffy docs.
They’ve led sheltered lives.
You are a free man, not a number!
*runs off being chased by giant white blob*
Hey, I’m not that outta shape!
You must be new here.
*Blob squeeze*
My guess is that one of you really did have Dr M against the wall at some point and your joke struck too close to home.
*BIG SNORK*
An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking. They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman’s apartment.
After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed. Afterward, they’re both laying there, staring at the ceiling.
The old man is thinking, “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.”
The old lady is thinking, “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties.”
* cough *
sad admission: been there, done that.
Were you the geezer or the panties?
I’ve never been a geezer (yet)
and I ain’t telling nothing bout no panties.
I was hot and heavy with the girlfriend (college days), and was feeling around, and found she had crotchless panties! Wow! So we did the nasty, and then afterwards, I asked when she got the crotchless panties. She laughed and said they were an old pair that had a hole in them. Oops.
:-X noooo… don’t say it, don’t say it… no, no, no. …
Banging something…
Psht! Macs!
Does anyone ever name their network ‘linksys’ and actually turn on security?
Does anyone ever turn on their sis and call security?
Bad tounch!
You turn on your sister? What impact do you have on your mother?
My lawyer advised me not to talk to her about it anymore.
always.. there’s always a linksys network without security… in every part in the world I see
*Gags*
It’s too bad the menu cuts off the text. The rest reads, “..please continue.”
Hey Scott, man, check out channel 9, check out this chick.
Can you at least pretend we can’t hear eachother through the wall?
What’s fun if you know they’re listening is to say, “Hey, let’s invite them over!” and then go know on their door and see if they answer.
♫ If I had a million dollars… ♫
Well, you don’t need a million dollars to do nothing, Khan. Take a look at my cousin: he’s broke, don’t do sh!t.
i do too take shits!
He must have misread yesterday’s toilet warning.
The question is, where does he take them and what does he do with them?
Do we call him the shït stealler?
But that’s not stellar behavior.
Stella!!!
A streetcar named discharge?
Oh man, I laughed and was repulsed at the same time!
dang it… why do I always try to drink coffee whilst reading this?
A fish-stink named Wanda?
but it is safe!
What happened to the titles of the fails?
Since the fifth of november, they stopped being called “___ fail” and are just some sentence.
*sigh*
*sigh* why can’t anyone just answer a simple question?
OK.
The “just some sentence” is now the title of the fail.
The “___ fail” is now below the picture.
Google is now featuring Sesame Street artwork in its logo.
The Governor of Connecticut has announced she will not run for reelection.
It’s cloudy and 60 degrees F with a 10% chance of rain where I live.
God is in the details.
This just in:
Sophia and Tabasco have left the building.
Sunny and mild on the coast.
Safety third.
Failblog is not to be analyzed.
Why do so many find fault with every new thing the blog does?
That’s not a simple question. I can’t answer it.
Psst! When in doubt, go with C!
*checks box next to “All of the above”*
touche! or, eh…tounche?
Psst! Is god++ failbanging? Through the wall?
I wouldn’t know about that, but apparently it was Guy Fawkes day when the change to “:just some sentence” happened.
faulting is easy. …
I didn’t find fault with it, I was just wondering why they decided to change that. Apparently talking about the current fail or failblog itself in the comments section is something people seldomly do.
Nihilo sanctum estne?
Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.
You have a possum in your ear? Well, why not? I’ll join…
*puts a possum in ear*
Annoying neighbors having loud sex and stealing your wi fi? Solve 2 problems at once!
Who said they found the loud sex annoying?
What? You want to know why I’m standing here with my ear against this drinking glass, which is against the wall?
I’m… uh… an exterminator! I’m listening for termite activity!
I was on the phone with my special phone friend having special phone activities last night and he could hear the couple in the next hotel room going at it. We were quite amused and inspired.
*gigglesnork*
“special phone activities”?
LOL!
Sound like someone needs to upgrade to a web camera.
… on an unsecured network
*hopeful*
Yeah we do that too, occasionally. *wink*
Depends on who is having the sex.
You know what would be better. To have the network unsecure and share out a MP3 file of a recording of the people having sex to everyone in network range.
Better still is to record the noises, then play them back at high volume, with the speakers placed right against the wall. Put it on tape loop, then leave for the weekend.
Better still. . .
Wait till only one of them is in, then play back the noise of their partner having sex, with you taking the other role.
Back when I was in Grad school, my apartment the walls were pretty thin and I could hear the neighbor girl going at it with her boy friend. After they were done I shouted
“Wow, almost 5 minutes! You go stud!”
I never heard them having sex again. She also moved out after the semester was finished. Win, win in my book.
Just yell: “She’s faking it!!”
I once had a neighbor who was the thinnest and whitest boy alive. He had a gf who looked far to good for him. When I heard them having sex I kinda understood, even if new questions were arising:
It sounded as if someone was clapping his hands really fast (and I mean REALLY fast) – for about 15 minutes in a row.
The smaller the pendulum the faster the oscillations.
*SNORK!*
Maybe. But still… Stamina!
No walls anywhere are as thin as in the student ghettos of Boston…
cheap entertainment with lots of half-drunk college freshmen making too many Stooges sounds… woowoowoo… doopdoop!
Plenty of angry looks from the apartment next door the following morning.
I once delivered a cheap fake Oscar to my neighbour…she quit being quite so loud after that.
* SNORK!! *
you are ever so creative, k@ !!
When you can hear not only the grunting, but every word they say…….(and they were well into the talking of the dirty)
*shudders*
Shoulda offered them a popsicle stick.
Or this funny-looking kids bracelet.
You are mean Jules LOL
And I’m now cleaning my monitor off as I sprayed my drink all over everything after reading that comment… Thank you soooooo much, Jules.
I worked with an audio engineer that was getting really annoyed by a neighbor’s dog. It apparently barked incessantly whenever the owners were away. He got a massive PA amp and a directional microphone, and had a digital delay in the signal. Whenever the dog barked, a massively loud amplified bark would be shot right back at the dog.
It didn’t work, but it seemed to give him some sort of weird satisfaction anyway.
My neighbor’s kids are like that. They manage to scream the same thing (mostly the name of another kid or “mommy”) over and over and over again. With NO change in the intonation. Sometimes for half an hour in a row. Without any adult ever telling them to STOP THAT! It is… annoying.
Wow, since the general topic is hearing someone having sex, I mentally went waaaay overboard with that visual.
We had one of those and the authorities took him away. It was kind of sad that mom just ignored him. It made him scream more
MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY
MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY
MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY
MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY
* gets out the duct tape *
It is like when a dog way down the streets barks and barks when you have your window open.LOL
Thanks for the duck tape a see a Canadian gose broke her wing thanks I will need that to repair it.LOL
How is your day going sauerkraut?
Why can’t people learn to do screen shots?!?
Why can’t you just get these via an RSS feed and enjoy them privately?
Why can’t you just realize that we don’t care about your opinion?
We do. Maybe you don’t, but then again, we don’t care about that.
I care that you don’t care that he doesn’t care.
for someone who doesn’t care, you sure do spend a ton of time telling everyone you don’t care. so maybe you do care but you are not getting enough attention?
♪ Doesn’t mean that much to me to mean that much to you. ♪
~ Neil Young
Hey, I’d try that unsecured linksys router with aircrack. Maybe even without it!
Great. Wrong thread. Stupid buggy wordpress.
or stupid barefoot person not knowing how to use the connection properly… not that I care.
How DARE you ask a legitimate question???
Any of youse recall the british woman who was charged multiple times with something like disorderly conduct because she is a screamer during sex? I forget what punishment the british court gave her but it was something stupid like “no having sex for 6 months.”
All because the neighbors were too cheap to buy earplugs.
Conveniently easy to enforce, without even being too intrusive.
Not hard to recall: she’s in the news again today, at
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/wear/8352729.stm
The story is currently back on news.bbc.uk.co. It appears the volume of her screaming goes beyond simply asking the neighbors to buy earplugs. Do you want all the neighbor children wearing earplugs as they play outside? From the news reports it seems hard to believe that she is not being deliberately loud just to annoy her neighbors.
Ball gag perhaps? It won’t get rid of all the noise but it’ll help.
we can hear you having FAIL!
*check*
Happy birthday Ms B. Hope all is in the favour of your shadow.
i love the network titled “Interweb”
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I don’t keep it in the refrigerator, if you’re worried about it being too cold.
Those are my neihbors.. haha. I don’t care. They’re just jealous that I know how to rock my woman every night!
I make all the other girls’ boyfriends look bad.
In a subject completely unrelated to this picture, I noticed the next thread over has become the Anti-Thread of sorts with the number of the beast and whatnot. Does this mean the interwebs will eventually implode into it’s own tubes? Just want fair warning so I can stock my basement with eggs and spam.
Yes, the unprotected default “linksys” wifi network is a huge fail… What? You’re talking about the protected “we can hear you having sex”? WTF is wrong with you? That’s an awesome network name and it’s locked, kudos to the owner.
I like my neighbors’ too:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/moejurray/4099781153/
Testicles!
a win in my opinion.
IM A DOUCHEBAG! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! THEN IT’S GOING TO EAT ME!! OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD
I saw this on the Phillip DeFranco show on youtube!
Hey, this is Philip DeFranco’s pic! sxephil! isn’t that like illegal it’s his picture.
HAHAHAHAHA that’s my friend’s network at his apartment! Oh man have i got to show this to him!
Macintosch <3
My neighbors have exactly the same essid! Hilarious!