Let’s skip the middleman. I’ll just flush the sandwich whole.
Toilet Sign Fail
Please do not put anything into this toilet unless it has been eaten first
Picture by: dunno source Submitted by: Stiffy via Fail Uploader
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1st
#2.
#3.
*narrows eyes* This #3, of what material does it consist?
You don’t want to know, kafleen. You don’t want to know…
*trots away nervously*
Aw, Jules … this is an emoticon
WIN!!11!!ONE!!ELEBENTY
vomit
it consists of something which has been eaten.
What if you eat… nevermind. I can’t say it.
The incredible expanding sweetie?
Hmm… what about alcohol… technically, you don’t “eat” alcohol, you drink it…
*files discrimination complaint about unequal usage of the facilities as pertaining to those on a liquid diet*
*wanders in*
Hmm, I agree with this, being a virtual bartender and being discriminated against and all! Oh and about teaching gradmas to suck eggs…
A fly marrying a bumblebee? That’s very funny!
Vampire tea bags?
*Runs away and hides*
ewwwwwwww
*thwacks Marius with a shellacked tampon*
*Curls into fetal position*
Sorry!
oh!eat shit!
Fetal not fecal. Sheesh! Not surprising no one wants to know you.
Careful where you step Jam, Noone doesn’t know sh!t from shineola.
Noone has a crappy shoes!
That explains why he’s off track, he has a shoefly problem.
*Squeeze*
:ick:
:yeah what Ms B ♥ said:
Arthur made me do it!
ahhh, so there are some familiar faces around here…
Welcome back!
Woo! Welcome back!
*Runs for the door*
*Squeezes past AE*
*lets the door run on its own*
*squeeze*
Mr. Mai tai himself! I think…if I remember correctly…
You do.
Welcome back!
come on, that s clearly a win.
Yeah, the poster of this fail is lacking a wit detector, they could probably do with the irony wave motion sensor attachment as well.
Also, moving out of the U.S may help…
You can say it, fluffy. You’re among friends…
yes, but she should first check to see that no one is busy eating lunch!
*eats toilet tissue*
Mmm self wiping.
Brilliant! Wiping from the INSIDE!
Roughage? It’s so barking mad it just might work.
RUFF!
You have to put ketchup on it, first!
The supermodel diet?
Plus a six-pack and 3-pack-a-day cigarette habit.
.. and diet pills and a finger down your throat.
Come to think of it, models eat a lot more than we realize.
If it wasn’t for that horse I’d never finished that last year of modeling school.
Work it, Marius! Work it!
Careful, or that horse will…
collapse.
I now realize I’m not vein enough for this job.
*Coughs to refresh hoarse voice*
*Turns to the left*
And only left.
Marius give us the Blue Steele.
*snork!*
One day, Marius will grace us with Magnum.
SO your saying you have to eat poop FIRST before you can “Go” here.
No. You’re saying you have to eat poop first before you can “go” here — we’re saying you have to eat the toilet paper first before you can “go” here.
toilet paper??
eeewwww…
too much fiber.
So if we have2eat the toilet paper, does it come in flavors? Strawberry-toilet-paper, lemon-toilet-paper, lime-toilet-paper . . .
Is this really not a sign anyone has seen before?
It’s the sign you get in hotels in those parts of Europe with poor sewerage systems, where only poop and pee go down the toilet, and everything else (even toilet paper) must go in the bin.
Yummy, good for Partys
Kin of NS, Philipp? Naw, couldn’t be. No one associated with NS would misspell “parties.”
*nods in agreement*
NS still has her Halloween avatar.
That sign should be in every bathroom!
…along with a sign that says “NO SWIRLIES ALLOWED”.
Don’t forget the “No U-turn” sign.
“ENTRANCE, ONLY”
No parking
M-F
7:30-9:00am
4:00-5:30pm
“In case you accidenty the urinal cake, please break glass.”
“DO NOT THROW TOOTHPICKS INTO THE TOILET. CRABS CAN POLE VAULT.”
“Danger: Explosive Gas”
“Head in parking only.”
“YIELD.”
STOP
“SLOW”
“No Standing”
‘Do not throw cigarette ends in the urinal. It makes them soggy and difficult to light’
“ONE-WAY.”
“Occasional Wide Load”
“Falling rock zone”
“Throw no cherry bombs into the terlet.”
FURST!
Yes. Yes, you are. You can cross that off today’s to-do list.
Topic fail obviously. It would not have been eaten then…
Which came first, the sandwich or the poo?
That depends… is it a turd sandwich?
is it a hagis sammich?
What about toilet paper? (unless it is in mexico or something)
Why the exception for Mexico?
You don’t want that answer… Matter of culture, although I’m not sure he’s got the country right I know there are places where this wouldn’t apply…
When I went on a mission trip to Mexico, we had to throw our toilet paper in a separate waste container. They burned the trash every night. I think it has something to do with the type of septic system.
Or they misunderstood “burning logs”?
they should recycle instead of burn… think of all the americans with fireplaces who would buy those logs.
Indeed!!
What about it! Good point! Anybody thought of toilet paper when they saw this pic? Huh? Bet not!
Now I suddenly get it!!
Why, good job!
I don’t find this funny. I mean, it’s just reasonable to put such a sign because things that shouldn’t get in there when you take a dump could clog the toilet anyway.
:[
*poke*
*tickle*
Hey, leave her alone! She’s serious!
↑↑↑ ♪Guess whose birthday is tomorrow!!!♫ ↑↑↑
*looks around*
Who?
♪ A very merry un-birthday, to you! ♪
↑↑↑ *points and giggles* ↑↑↑
Fluffy?
Yes. Fluffy.
*ducks*
Not Fluffy, tho that’s coming up…
Goldfish don’t really duck, they goose.
*poke*
You poke, you pay.
:[
Mackenzie Phillips!
(…of whose br habits you should not inquire)
That’s will be $5 for the poke miss. The tickle is free.
We are
:[
*giggle*
Will you be celebrating with the cake pictured in one of today’s fails?
Nope, no cake.
*cancels cake order*
*Sends for a Brewski stripper instead*
I retired, but I’d consider a final performance if it’s for Ms B.
@ Ms B: I hear that line a lot. And my reply is always the same. It’s the one day of the year where all your friends and family get to celebrate YOU and to show that we love you. It’s not about getting older. It’s about celebrating the fact that you were born.
And we’re glad you were!
*early b-day squeeze!*
So, do I have to wear my birthday suit on my birthday?
No…we’ll have Brewski do that for you…
*morningsqueeze*
*bigbutterysqueeze!*
How you doin’ today, sweets?
Still feeling junky…though I did have a good day yesterday. Not sure what happened, but I wish whatever it was would just go back the way it came…
happy birthday!
Even though I don't remember seeing you here before...Thanks strategist! I’ve only been around since Marchish.
*grabs hand pump to inflate s to S*
I’m glad you had a better day yesterday, Suzie!
Blog Ninja?
Sorry Strategist, that was a tad rude. I take it you are an “oldtimer”? I’m probably about the same vintage as Ms B.
who? me? I’m pink and tubular!
Oh, no worries brewski, I was here about a year ago. The only people I haven’t seen are bondfan, arthur, skwirrelly, lunchbox and mookie…oh well, I don’t visit here often ehough I suppose!
Who are you again.. oh wait.. you make a lot of stupid posts on a random website and this makes you someone special. LMAO
You obvious jealousy is telling.
I know! I’m jealous too! Nobody ever asks me to strip for them!
*thinks for a minute…*
Oh. Yeah…
*tickles Jules’ Nerf balls*
I’ve seen this many times. Not uncommon on toilets on ships, mountain cabins and other such places where flushing down toilet paper clogs the pipes.
And trains. Don’t forget trains.
Did you know that, on the engine of a train, the toilet empties directly on the ground underneath?
Think about that the next time you drive under a train trestle…
Or take a walk along the train tracks by your house.
… or lie down on the train tracks.
yep…imagine if you were trying to take a nap, too. How rude.
…or lick the train tracks.
…or put your ear on the train tracks.
You people have some very bizarre habits.
No we don’t.
Now excuse me, I need to go fill my toilet with jelly beans.
*rofflesnork!!!!*
I just had to mute my phone during my conference call!
And I’m so glad I wasn’t drinking anything when I read fluffy’s comment… and now I’m crying from the effort of not laughing so loudly that the entire office can hear me.
*Snickers*
*Mars Bars*
*Butterfinger*
Suzy?
What’s got into ya?
Not all trains. Not Japanese trains, at least, though when I went to Europe, there were signs everywhere that you can’t use the bathrooms on the train while it’s in the station. The alternative is, quite frankly, disturbing.
That’s a WIN! It’s good advice.
I have to agree. This was obviously put up by someone with a good sense of humor and is clearly a win.
I also agree, although it raises some uncomfortable questions as to what the toilet paper is made from…
-Ash
But what about the pooptarts!!!
And poopsicles?
Poop on a stick?
And poopcorn?
And wash it all down with a soda poop
Just be careful you don’t eat poop rocks with that.
Why? Would your assplode?
Only if you also eat Crapper Jacks.
If you ate the bracelet is that the same thing as anal beads? Just curious.
Yes, it just takes a little longer to experience the pleasure.
Sugar Corn Poops for breakfast, anyone?
I like them on top of asscream.
But if you add asscream, they loose all their peaness.
AHEM! Next fail, please!
This is not a fail. Just a creative way to tell people not to use the toilet as a trash can.
well then… sure takes the fun out of it all doesn’t it?
Can we still use the toilet as a whirlpool for our goldfish?
NO!
What’s up with this titles lately?
This is a win (except, of course for toilet paper, and I don’t how to work that in)
Well, first you need to get a poker of some sort, i.e., a drinking straw, pencil, what have you. Next, take a few squares of toilet paper, double them up, and…
… and there you have it, a small Nuclear bomb, made MacGyver style.
DING! DING! DING!
Ooooh! What did I win????
a roll of unused charmin. go see mr, whipple to collect your prize!
Light them on fire. Don’t worry, this doesn’t go against the rule of no smoking in the bathroom. Now, very gently take the burning toilet paper and…
… roll it out into the dry wheat field. The one by the nuclear power plant.
…After waiting for proper radiation exposure, carefully sprinkle the ashes with iodine and cayenne pepper. Then gather them all up into…
. . . a beaker of hydrochloric acid and garnish with broken glass . . .
…Wrap it up in dry, but still pliable seaweed…
. . . use straight pins to hold it together . . .
… (don’t forget the pink ribbon!)…
…store it in a cool, dry, place (no, not where you were thinking) until ready to use…
And then detonate, resulting in the end of the world! Or a mild fizzing and vibrations, followed by a white liquid with bubbles pouring out!
Warning! Site linked to deserves a place in HTML hell! Only go to if you eyes are feeling up to it!
+10,551 points to the great mind which thought of this sign. I find it hilarious, wildly inappropriate in associating food with shit, etc etc. I wish it also said, “WARNING:” instead of “Please,” which is what humble people say.
how do you know they weren’t directing the comment towards your girlfriend?
This means no one will be giving the skinny kids a swirly anymore.
Well actually this doesn’t preclude that, just…. puts some pre-conditions on it.
What’s a swirly?
hold someone upside down, hair in toilet, flush it, hair goes swirling…
one hopes one’s holder has a good, strong grip….
And that the toilet was cleaned/flushed prior to the head entering the bowl.
You purposefully choose one that has not been cleaned if you are to do a swirlie correctly.
I was making reference to the hopes of the one on the receiving end of the swirly… not the one giving the swirly.
If you deserve a swirly, you have no hopes
Who said the recipient always actually deserves the swirly. In my experience, it’s usually the people who give them who really deserve them.
Let me get you a towel for your hair.
*Chuckles*
*Wax Bottles*
a gallon of bleach might be more appropriate.
Only if you eat them
first.
Shame on you Jules.
Unless you eat them first?
No one eats skinny kids. You fatten them up first.
A nice house made of candy is good for this.
Don’t forget the gingerbread drywall.
Charlie! We’re on a bridge, Charlie!
Nosh bridges?
Shun the nonbeliever!
SHHHUUUUNNN!!
Quick! Get his kidney!
Aw son-of-a. . . why did I watch that?
Hee hee hee!!! I love that! You didn’t love that? It’s one of my absolute favorites!
For you, Ms B, I’ll love it.
Happy birthday!
Nooo! The magical leopluradon will object!
Or maybe not…
Do you really want to hurt the Banana King?
We’re going to Candy Mountain, Charlie!
♪ Put a banana in your ear… ♪
So no more M-80’s down the toilet then? Hmm… maybe… but… We’re going to need a bigger ketchup bottle.
And longer fuses.
What am I gonna do with all these cherry bombs?
Bake a cherry-bomb pie?
♪ She’s my cherry pie ♫
give them to joan jet… she knows what to do with cherry bombs.
Isn’t this sign in the loo at the Soggy Dollar on Jost van Dyke, BVI?
That one is a *way-over-your-head*-FAIL of the poster! Not a fail of what is seen in the picture.
In other words, it’s a shitty post.
*hangs head*
*sends self to naughty corner*
Don’t go to the naughty corner! You could be here in the emo corner, it’s got a nice supply of water….
Win! This is a ‘Fungus the Bogeyman’ quote. Therefore, WIN!
Thank God it wasn’t Father Ted!
Too much peaness in the toilet!
Finally a tiolet dedicated to bulimics
*gives Harry a swirly*
No, stop! He wasn’t eaten first! Oh wait, I suppose it only applies to things are are actually able to carry on down the toilet pipe…carry on then.
97th!
These new headlines are really cheesy and annoying. Just say it’s a fail and get on with it.
*asks 5 eagles to do a rain dance*
*clouds gather*
*lightning strikes FITS*
uhm actually this sign makes sense
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Composting_toilet
O.T.
I just had to share an earworm I have had all weekend. I kid you not. All weekend. (clickie)
♫ She turned away, what was she looking at?
She was a sour girl the day that she met me.
What would you do?
What would you do if I follow you?
What would you do if I follow? ♫
Why? Why? Why?
*Knocks Brewski’s books out of his hands*
*Gives him a swirly*
*Pantses him*
*Pushes him into the hallway during class break*
*slaps ‘Kick Me’ sign on Brewski’s back*
*Hits fire alarm*
Marius, I got your back. I just posted this on Brewski’s facebook page so it will come back and haunt him.
Revenge!
Thanks Fluffy!
This means war!
*hides Brewski’s status on facebook*
No! Defensive measures! Unfair!
*hires 100 Chinese hackers to bombard Fluffy’s email account with earworms*
Oh great. Hiding you doesn’t stop you from posting Y-M-C-A on my wall.
Marius, I hope you appreciate what I’m going through for you!
I do Fluffy. I also appreciate not having a facebook account.
By the way, thanks for sharing.
Ha-ha, that will not work on me, I don’t know that one. Through ignorance I am immune.
Phewww.. I’m with ya, Jules. I don’t know the song and I think it was very cruel of Brewski to do this.
Hey Jules, did you check out my new clickie?
It’s hilarious!
It’s probably that song – don’t do it, Jules!
No clickie!
(I don’t recognize that song, either.)
I actually like the song. But it’s very catchy, so it tends to embed itself permanently in my neurons.
Ha-ha, I am protected from your clickies by work filter.
I have been singing ” SO put a banana in your ear” all weekend.
No no no, it’s
Hold a chicken in the air
Stick a deckchair up your nose
Buy a jumbo jet
And then bury all your clothes
Paint your left knee green
Then extract your wisdom teeth
Form a string quartet
And pretend your name is Keith . . .
I love STP. They really fit that time in my life.
I don’t agree with the new titling system. This has become common on both humor websites and in TV shows(think “The Soup”): to add an extraneous joke to something that’s already inherently funny, a joke that is never 1/4 as funny as the original object itself. The old format (“blank” fail) was concise and less distracting.
Especially since so many fails have at least one poster saying “I don’t get the fail”
I personally find it titalating.
*shiver*
but how does it really make you feel, jenny?
I really hate eating the toilet paper – it is my least favorate part of the day!
Not nearly as good as birthday cake!
(Did you get one?)
I don’t know if the word ‘Put’ really describes how stuff traditionally goes in the toilet, but maybe I’m just old fashioned. ‘Dump’ maybe..
Spray sometimes works.
Yeah, curry can sometimes do that to me.
A clean colon is a happy colon.
Somehow, potatoes are going to come into this conversation. I just know it.
Vicar? Is that you?
Oh oh! Looks like it’s curtains for Brewski.
“I was not having sexual relations with that potato”
*snorkroffle*
*insert potato joke here*
When my company had Customer Service in house, we had a girl that I was sure was growing a garden in her underpants although I could never figure out who it was. It started when they moved CS to Florida from Atlanta and suddenly stopped when they outsourced it and let all the CS girls go. Every day, there would be lettuce and tomatoes in the toilet. It was easier to think she had a garden in her hoohah than to think she was sneaking in a sandwich/salad on the toilet. Our bathrooms weren’t always “spotless” except in the executive area.
must be a sandwhich – who the hell would sneak a salad???
Who the hell would sneak a sandwich on the toilet?
If it is a sandwhich from McDonalds they are just cutting down the risk of messing their pants
Multitasking is key to maximizing employee productivity!
Only if it isn’t disgusting… last place I worked, I sent an email to my boss, and then watched her walk back to the bathrooms. I received an email response from here, and then she came out of the bathroom. When the conversation turned to her responding to email from the bathroom on her Blackberry, her response was “What? I didn’t wipe with it!” *shudder*
My old twat-boss in NJ used to pump her breasts in the bathroom on the “couch” that was in there. I don’t know what was more disgusting, seeing her floppy udders out there or the fact her baby would be drinking milk that had been pumped in a bathroom that I wouldn’t use.
Must’ve been a salad-dodger.
Salad shooter FTW.
She went to the ladies room so no-one could see her salad dressing.
I was gonna add when I have a salad I make sure everyone sees me eat it. “Hey look ya’ll I’m eating green stuff”
*points at salad w/ fork*
Mouldy burgers don’t count.
*late birthday squeeze*
Maybe she did not like lettuce or tomatoes on her sandwich and she did not have a trash can.
Maybe, but that wouldn’t be very funny.
or maybe she’s really the FooFoo bunny?
How is this a fail??
*cough*rests case*cough*
i agree. i feel strongly that this is a win.
Oh good, you are just in time for lunch. I hope you like surprises.
This is just showing how much reality really sucks, iykwim.
This is clearly a WIN – hey It tells the truth
The truth is out there!!!!X files, great TV show.
How the hell is this g-rated?
“G” is for great.
“G” is for grotesque!
“G” is for grapes! (like in wine with the cheese about why this is g-rated)
I wish FailBlog understood how much less powerful the posts are with the titles you give them.
I’m with you, Ms B. Keep the new titles!
*squeeze*
I’m with Brewski! Keep Ms B!
*squeeze*
I am with you Judy keep Breswki and Ms B. and you Judy.
Noone wants me
*goes off into emo corner*
Hey now Strategist you are included now!. ota.
Definitely WIN
This isn’t a fail – it’s clearly not meant to be taken to suggest people would put whole sandwiches in there – it just means don’t try to flush anything that you shouldn’t, written in an amusing way. Not a fail.
This is a Win!!!
yum yum, toilet paper……
wait a minute does this mean i cant piss, because i drank it?
Someone stopped up a toilet and caused a flood on the 6th floor (and 5th and 4th) of my office building because they tried to flush a steak down the toilet. Big piece of meat. For reals.
What a waste of steak.
You know…I’ve never eaten my tampons.
Seriously?! You just let them all go to waste?!
What about toilet paper?
idk i’d say this is a win
I thought it was a funny way of saying “Don’t flush stuff that doesn’t belong in the toilet”
No fail here, hilarity win
This is a really cool sign, this is not a “fail” at all. Yeah, this is really a Win, not a Fail
-> Its a Fail to mark this Win-sign with a Fail
100% Agree. Looks like a perfectly fine WIN to me!
This sign is from a marine toilet, a head to be accurate, and is not a fail because it stop people from putting rubbish in it which blocks it.
Bulimia Win
I don’t really see the fail, its a marine toilet which is really sensitive. The sign is saying not to throw female products in or paper towels etc cause it will screw it up
This one is clearly a win, not a fail. shape up.
This is on my boat too. Its because you cannot put any toilet paper or tampons or anything down into the toilet systems on most boats because they rely on bacteria to break down the fecal matter but if foreign matter such as toilet paper or tampons go down the head then it will clog up the whole system which usually means taking apart the whole thing and removing the foreign material by hand which means getting covered in shit. i work on a old boat and it happens alot of the time when people ignor this sign. THEREFORE I DECLARE NOT A FAIL! just a funny sign. wait till i put up the one that says “all sailors sit at sea”
Yes, I think it’s funny, but not a fail… except you’d technically have to eat the toilet paper before using it.
I would say thats a WIN
How is this a “fail?” It’s just a humorous version of those warnings not to flush paper towels and maxi pads down the toilet.
do not want to know
1′d for being win. It’s a rather nice way of saying what they wanted to.
LOL I have seen this sign just two months ago, when I was in France … Looked at it every time I sat on the toilet in our apartement
Nice to find it here, too …
WHAT ABOUT DA PAPAH??
… Actually, I think that’s a Win. XDDD
Am I the only one who immediately thought of Cake Flushing? Shame on you!
I saw this in an AUCE Sushi restaurant in Denver. You pay for what you don’t eat.
Thank you .. Campaign
WIN but reality sucks and it is torment