At least he was wearing his safety shorts
Scooter Driver Fail
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Safety third!
absolutely love it!!!
Thats a motorcycle, not a scooter
Not anymore it isn’t. Now it’s scrap metal.
that’s definitly a scooter, its a yamaha neo’s
I don’t think Neo ever drove a motorcycle…
No, that was Trinity.
No wonder I said “HOLY &%@^!* when I saw this vid!
This guy’s lucky not to be a (Holy) Ghost.
Because the third movie was even worse?
Seriously. How long does it take someone to die when they are impaled upon six hyooge spikes??? For a while there I thought they really were going to make her immortal.
Well, she was a reanimated skeleton. With a heinous trenchcoat and thousand-yard stare.
Technically the reanimated are called zombies while they still have some meat hanging off their bones. Skeleton indicates the creature is all bone and has no remaining meat.
So I congratulate you on using the correct term.
Yay! *gets Carrie-Anne a club sandwich*
Hey Carrie Anne.
What’s your game now, can anybody play?
unless a neo comes with an aftermarket full fairing that goes over where a traditional motorcycle engine fairing goes and puts footpegs were there isn’t any then that’s a motorbike rather than a scooter. not enough rez to say but colour wise I’d guess it’s possibly a Honda CBR of one of its bazillion small to medium capacity variants
besides, how many scooters have enough power to pop a wheelie?
A surprising amount of scooters can do this especially if they’re 2-stroke like older Vespas. I’ve seen many-a-failed wheelie attempts on a scooter. Usually ends up with the driver holding on yet being drug through an intersection while everyone else falls off their scooters laughing.
I say motorcycle. Look at feet position and type of wheels. I’m sending this film to NCIS to verify.
*makes extra ballistics gelatin and buys a Slurpee for Abby*
I ♥ Abs and her Caf-Pows!
Did you like how they traced the terrorist through his importing Caf-Pows in this seasons first episode.
Agreed that it’s a motorcycle. Probably a Honda CBR, looks like an older ‘Blade, else it could be a Yamaha Thundercat.
Hard to say really, you don’t see that much of it…
It looked like it hurt…
biker go boom!
FULL RECOVERY
That’s going to leave a mark?
Perhaps skidmarks? Ew.
That’s a crappy thing to say!
Did it bowel you over with it’s bluntness?
It’s? IT’S?!
*screams wildly and runs out of room, foaming at the mouth*
*facepalm*
*KERSPLORTCH!*
Please to forgive me?
*gives MsB a giant eraser for the extra apostrophe*
I forgive you MsB
OMG! Did he die?
no he just ends up in crit for a few and end up with a giant humiliating scar
…and on YouTube to be humiliated in front of his friends and family over, and over, and over again…
Yes, that’s his soul you see stand up and walk away.
Woot! Velvet!
*makes with the confetti throwin’*
Velvet has been so unproductive as of late.
*Squeezes*
I agree. I mean, there’s a few fails lately that she hasn’t powered! Really, now!
*bubbly squeezes for velvet*
Hats off to Velvet!
Did she get on the same program as Judy?
*snork!*
I accused her of that via an email just a minute ago.
She must be making offers the PTB can’t refuse.
*wheels in the shiny chrome confetti cannon*
*loads it up, checks it over*
*fires it across the room*
Congrats Velvet!
Woo hoo Velvet!
*waves white flag of truce at fluffy*
I can’t compete with “I just died in your arms tonight”. You rendered me a cowering, quivering heap.
*cries*
Thank goodness! Does that mean it’s safe to go back on Facebook now???
Thanks so much everyone! (and Ben, especially)
.
Perhaps after finishing my Master’s in Accounting Failblog would like to hire me as their CFO? My sense of humor would fit in nicely with their staff.
.
*squeeze for everyone except the auditor who won’t leave me alone*
*moons auditor*
*squeezes velvet*
*powerful squeezes for Velvet*
Woohoo! Congrats Velvet!
*pulls out pack of sparklers*
Now everyone be careful with these this time.
*hands out lighted sparklers to all the celebrants*
Thanks, Scott.
*waves sparkler in air*
Hey, new avatar – a Scottie dog?
Woop sass for Velvety comments.
*climbs aboard the short bus with a sparkler*
Yup, thanks for noticing Judy!
I didn’t want to end up too locked in to playing on the Star Trek theme.
Humf. You’re still Mr. Scott to me, even after clearing cache and refreshing.
So…. what’s the new theme?
Arthur, you’re barking up the wrong tree. I’m trying to avoid having a theme.
Sorry ’bout that. Come on, let’s go for a walk, shall we?
Fie, doh!
I’m like LGB, all I see is Star Trek… *has visions of a Star Treck officer chasing tennis balls and trying to catch frisbees in his teeth*
Well, I reserve the right to change back of course. I may have bitten off more than I can chew with this new avatar.
B-b-but I got you the small crunchy bites!
*beams in*
Besides, Mr. Scott is never too far away!
*beams out*
I like you better as a dog! C’mon now, roll over and I’ll rub your belly.
Hmmm, I could get used to this.
*rolls over*
I heard she just likes work better, nothing to do with an audit or anything.
*gooses Emperor with ET finger*
HA HA HA! He was warned!
Love you two velv.
*Squeeze*
Have a nice weekday.
*poke*
Heya there lovely as well. How have you been. I see the internet dances have paid off.
smooth as silk.
Is this real life?
No, it’s memorex.
The tail of the tape.
Cream of the crop.
The cat’s meouch.
Looked more like the bottom of the barreler.
In real life, this is real life.
*WHOOPITY, VELVET!!!*
Thanks, LGB!
.
*squeezie*
No. I have to work in real life, but I’m posting here right now. So no.
I’m working right now, too. I wish I had a down cycle to post. Sorry, gotta scoot!
*squeezes AE, leaves one behind for Dragon*
*squeeze!*
Don’t y’all get Mo-ped and miserable at work.
*belated squeeze*
Hey…don’t hog all the squeezes or I’ll send you to the chopper!
*picks up squeeze, leaves more for others*
*Takes a Squeeze, leaves a Squeeze*
It is the matrix.
Wait… oh crap.
I mean, it’s real! It’s all real! Ha ha ha!
Crash testing?
Whoopity Whoop, Velvet!
are you suggesting he’s a dummy?
He’s a mannequin’t drive a scooter properly.
Yes, he put on quite a display.
He couldn’t see what was in store for him.
He certainly missed his window of opportunity.
He had a 100% off sale.
That’s more than half!
*runs and hides under the clearance racks*
Watch out, David Sedaris informed me of what people do under there…
Ah, he’s all pretty talk. Somedays.
Well, all that corduroy and denim can engulf one in flames.
lol that hurt
knocked his pants right off.
Thankfully, it did not.
What do you mean thankfully?!?!?!?!
I agree. He should have been wearing a Kevlar banana hammock.
No matter how many times I see/hear it, “Banana hammock” will always make me laugh.
Seeing one usually makes me shudder uncontrollably.
Window blinds make shutter.
*Shutter bugs*
Shutter bugs? I barely eve-…
Okay, I don’t even want to KNOW what it means to “shut her bug.”
Okay… video impaired, can somebody please provide details on what happened and who powered the fail (I’m guessing Velvet, due to the woots and confetti).
Guy on scooter speeds to what he believes will be a gate opening to him.
A few seconds before impact he realizes it won’t be opening for him and he panics and crashes into it. He walks away from the crash with only shorts on. Big boom though.
Looks like he lifted the front wheel to impress someone at that store, then lost control. Probably revved up by accident… then had one. Haha.
He accidentied his shoe.
Let me set the scene for you.
Enter retard stage left
Gun scooter hard in direction of gate
Put foot down at last minute to “stop”
Run into wall anyway (out of sight)
Pieces fly in several directions while ass is seen lifting up from scooter
Walk away in shame, not realizing you were captured on video
Exit stage right
*tosses a “Priceless” up to Ryannon’s explanation*
Got enough of the video to stream to see that he decided to swerve at the end, and actually hit the stone wall, instead of hitting the gate… probably would have done less damage to the bike if he’d hit the gate, not the wall.
Dick on probably quite new fireblade with zero safety gear (practically naked, in fact – he wouldn’t get served in McDonalds) and not much experience/training makes a slight mistake entering parking lot, panics, locks his overpowered first-bike’s throttle full on and piles into a stone wall at opposite end of the lot. Luckily it’s only a short one so he only got up to maybe 35mph before impact and managed to walk his douchebag ass away from it.
Losers like that are why I’m limited to a 125cc as a learner here in the UK :/ because they have to assume we’ll all be as stupid and go kill ourselves after doing the equivalent thing of buying a lambourgini as a first car and not take any lessons or wear the seatbelt.
Yes,is is one, and theyre tryin’ the new safety shorts!
Google translator’s not helping. Anybody got anything to help with this one?
Forget about it, he’s koo-koo.
I forgot my gibberish translator at home.
Let me take a crack at it. Koo-koo here knows someone named “Yesis”, who is an infant who has only celebrated one birthday. Yesis is on a team of people (known as “theyre”) who are testing out the new safety shorts.
Did I do good?
Very good you cute undead thing!!!
Promise if my English turns that badly that you would tell me.
Woot, ZA!!
*sees LGB runs, tackles and squeezes*
Hellooooooo!!!!!
mmoooofffff!!
*HappyMondaysqueezyformysweetieLeila*
Are you staying out of trouble today?
I am always staying out of trouble.
How about you?
*shakes head*
It depends on what you define as “trouble”.
You’re only in trouble if you get caught.
You just planted an earworm, Avis. Good thing I like that movie!
Gotta keep one step ahead of…
Something tells me your english will only get that bad if ZA forgets himself and snacks on your brains.
He doesn’t feast on the living which I happen to be. I think…
*checks Leila’s pulse*
Nothing.
*checks again in a different … erm … spot*
We got a live one!
Zombies don’t eat other zombies, but we love the living. The only reason I haven’t feasted on your lovely mind is because of a saying that keeps echoing through my head …
Fail friends are not food.
Will you remind Brewski too. He’s staring at my berries VV there.
maybe he was practicing the safety dance?
♪ You can dance if you want to.
You can leave your friends behind.
Because your friends don’t dance,
And if they don’t dance,
Well, they’re no friends of mine. ♫
Oh, great. Fluffy and Brewski quit and now you start.
*facepalm*
Give me a minute or two, I’m sure I can come up with something!
♪ And we can build this dream forever
Standing strong together
Nothing’s gonna stop us now ♫
That’s it, I’ve had it, this means war.
♫Oww Everybody, get on the floor, let’s dance!♪
♪Don’t fight the feeling, give yourself a chance!♫
♫Shake shake shake, shake shake shake,♪
♪Shake your booty! Shake your booty!♫
♪ You put your right foot in,
You put your right foot out,
You put your right foot in,
and you shake it all about… ♪
♪ It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small world after all
It’s a small, small world… ♪
You BASTARD. That’s it.
♪ This is the song that never ends,
yes it goes on and on my friend…
Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was,
and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…This is the song that never ends…♪
AAAARGHHH! THE PAIN! MAKE IT STOP!
Time to unleash my secret weapon:
♪ I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves
I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves
I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves
And this is how it goes…♪
Did you know it comes from the German Ohrwurm? Well then…nimm dies!
♪ And then, the witch doctor, he told me what to do.
He said that,
Oh ee, oh ah ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang,
Oh ee, oh ah ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang.
Oh ee, oh ah ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang,
Oh ee, oh ah ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang!! ♪
The one good part of having worms crawling through your head is they drown out the earworms.
I to love that song! However…
♪ Just dance, gonna be okay
Da da doo doot-n
Just dance, spin that record babe
Da da doo doot-n
Just dance, gonna be okay
D-D-D-Dance, dance, dance, just
J-J-Just dance… ♪
Okay, maybe it’s not as likely a choice as some of the others, but whenever I hear that song on the radio, it burrows itself into my brain and stays there for an hour or five. Grrr…
*ahem*
*plays Stevie Wonder’s harmonica solo from There Must Be An Angel*
Okay. This is it. I am afraid I have no choice but to wheel out the big guns. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for:
♪A-well-a, everybody’s heard about the bird
Bird, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word
A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, well, the bird is the word
A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, well, the bird is the word
A-well-a, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, well, the bird is the word
A-well-a, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a, don’t you know about the bird
Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word
A-well-a, bird, bird, b-bird’s the word
A-well-a…♪
*runsawaywithaterrifiedoftheconsequencesquickness*
Revenge is a dish best served cold. Watch out, kiddo! >:[
Must… fight… through… pain…
♪At the Copa (CO!), Copacabana (Copacabana)
The hottest spot north of Havana (here)
At the Copa (CO!), Copacabana
Music and passion were always the fashion
At the Copa….they fell in love.. ♫
♪ I’m so glad
I’m so glad ♪
I’m glad
I’m glad
I’m glad ♪♪
♪ I’m so glad
I’m so glad ♪
I’m glad
I’m glad
I’m glad ♪♪
♪ I’m so glad
I’m so glad ♪
I’m glad
I’m glad
I’m glad ♪♪
♪ I’m so glad
I’m so glad ♪
I’m glad
I’m glad
I’m glad ♪♪
♪ I’m so glad
I’m so glad ♪
I’m glad
I’m glad
I’m glad ♪♪
ad infinitum.
I woke up for this?
♫ Oh Mandy, well you came and you gave without taking. But I sent you away, oh Mandy. . . ♫
No, you woke up so I could say hi!
♪ Banana Phone!! ♪
On that note, I’m going to bed…
♪ I hear the secrets that you keep
When you’re talking in your sleep
I hear the secrets that you keep
When you’re talking in your sleep
I hear the secrets that you keep
When you’re talking in your sleep
I hear the secrets that you keep
When you’re talking in your sleep ♪
Etc.
Oh Me Oh My1
How did you guess?
Good night meerkat.
See Black Garnets, that’s what happens when Fluffy ducks.
Clucky … erm …
Fluffy ducks for no one!
But I want a fluffy duck. I need to stuff a pillow.
If you eat a fluffy duck you”ll feel down in the mouth.
SURE, puppy, a “pillow”…*eyes feathers in coyote’s mouth suspiciously*
Strange that you should have written this. Look at mine above.
Teehee
No, no, no, It was a reference to a comment on the last fail.
Fluffy doesn’t duck, she gooses.
Fluffy gooses man on bike.
He jumps into the air.
Fluffy only appears to duck.
*Sigh* I knew it was a lame duck joke.
*pat pat pat*
*Sniff*
All my life I just wanted to be a beatnik. Meet all the heavies, get stoned, get laid, have a good time. That’s all I ever wanted.
The amazing thing is, he got mad air with that horizontal cranial headstand…without the use of a helmet!
I think we have a new X games star on our hands…
All I see is ass.
I think you need to see an optician.
I don’t believe my husband would approve.
TeeHeeee!!!
Oh I hope this comment will power an fail someday!
I’m not so sure I would like to see the fail it powers.
*Ducks*
It’ll probably be BMW-related.
Are we back to fluffy ducks again?
*Quails*
Is that you Dan?
Rather!
… dashing, if I do say so myself.
*preens*
You do.
Oh he do, do he?
Says it himself.
His own words.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Walleyed people should never drive.
I think he drank one too many Harvey Wallbangers.
(Drunk drivers drive me up the wall, ya know.)
Just another wallflower looking for a brake.
The motorcycle repair bill is going to hit him in the wallet.
He should Bill the Gates.
Gate-crashers should pay their own bills.
*looks down*
Apparently. But it’s got nothing to do with you, honey! It’s just all the stress here at work, you know?
Quit stonewalling AE, you’re no wallower.
But he jumps like a wallaby.
That would have come in handy for the biker, then maybe he wouldn’t have taken such a wallop.
(Comment cont’d)
Man behind the wheel, what do you expect.
Yeah, it’s all because he didn’t stop and ask for directions.
But he has GPS, he doesn’t need them!
Give Pleasure Spritely
Gingerly! Possibly Sticky…
Gas pedal. . .STUCK!
…..and that kind of thinking is exactly how the accident happened
(bikes have hand throttles & clutches, ma’am)
That shoe got some serious airtime!
Must’ve been Air Jordans.
*pump pump pump*
MS B!!!
It isn’t Humpday yet, is it?
God, I hope not!! I haven’t cooked the turducken yet!
Don’t worry. It’s only Monkey Day.
Whew!
Have you shellacked the monkey yet?
Have you shocked the monkey yet?
well, i’m certainly not going to spank it! or will i????
Quit those monkeyshines! *claps cymbals in ears*
I don’t think my co-workers would much appreciate that!
Ms B just wants to have fun.
Well that was a slam dunk, and Cloral for the assist.
*Monday Squeezes*
*squeeze*
I’ve been trying to think of something to say about this fail, but I just keep hitting the wall. Nothin’.
“Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate.”
Okay, it was a pun-run breaker, but I think it would have deserved a little *snickers* or even a *snork*. Especially since it was on this day 20 years ago.
*pouts*
*squeeze!*
I’m just toooooo slow! I laughed! Please don’t pout! Smile!!!
*tickles*
Wait for it, hooray!! :[
All of this New Thinking is giving me a Sino(s) headache.
Let me look through my leftover Halloween candy. Might have a Snickers in there.
Hey!
Is for horses.
Current events humo(u)r! I liked his barrel in ass lift.
Hooray, I didn’t wait long enough..
I *snorked*, and was about to post a round of applause when I got pulled away from my desk.
*applauds*
Fishing for compliments does work…
(Handcuff yourself to your desk, Say it’s some sort of protest. Maybe pro Tibet? That always works!)
At my work, a more effective ruse might be “STOP OBAMA NOW!”… I’d get lines of people giving me hearty wishes of support (including my manager).
*tardy squeeze*
I guess you avoid to talk about politics at work?
Usually, but I occasionally jump in when they start in with outright falsehoods. Like recently when they were mocking Obama’s Nobel prize, and said “they decided he had won it in February!!!”. Stop listening to Rush so much guys, that’s when he was nominated, not when he won..
Although I would agree that his nobel was a bit surprising, to say the least. I would think there would have been strong candidates with a long list of accomplishments. But it just irks me when people get the facts wrong, and then use that to loudly mock somebody.
But I digress…
If that was the worst BS you heard, I’d say it’s not too bad. On my occassional encounters with Fox News I heard more crap. MUCH more.
Clickie my name if you want to see what some of the scarier ones are saying. It’s the second half of my most recent post.
*shudders*
That is scary! Stupidity isn’t cureable…
I just hope that particular brand of crazy somehow skips me in the family tree. That relative has gotten worse with age.
You’re gonna be okay!
Yikes. Yes, the stuff at my work is tame by comparison.
One of my best friends from childhood is Muslim. He still lives in my old hometown, and has donated endless amounts of time and money to it (he is quite wealthy). He has helped create parks, public trails, helped the needy, and volunteers for many civic causes. He’s very kind and generous to his friends, regardless of faith. He’s an all-around great guy. And a few years ago (after 9/11) his mosque got vandalized. That was really disheartening.
BTW: His wedding was fascinating. The traditions were radically different from Christian weddings. It was fun.
Thank you, it’s good to know that I haven’t fallen into the abyss!
Oh my goodness. That gave me the shivers. I’m sure the crazy has definitely not reached you, Avis. There’s plenty of proof of it on this blog
I wouldn’t worry Avis. My Dad sends me emails along the same lines, but everyone else in the family is pretty confident it’s him, and not us.
Then he wonders why I never email back.
But Brewski, according to my weirdo family, your friend wants to kill us all and is dangerous!
Seriously, is there medication I can somehow slip into my family’s food?
Say Brewski, did stuff like that (vandalizing mosques, beating up Muslims etc.) happen often after 9/11? I hardly ever read anything about that. And I felt that it was unlikely that nothing happened after the terrorist attacks – was I exposed to propaganda by not-telling-the-whole-truth?
Avis, it is scary. I sometimes worry what people believe I would do since, although uncommon, I carry a muslim name. We will all keep a certain amount of sanity if we just remember what you said in your blog …you can’t judge an entire group of people by the actions of a few.
Are you still searching for a name?
Leila, I am still looking for a name. Nothing seems quite right. Though “Rush” seems to be coming to mind.
BTW, I went to grade school with a Leila, she was from Lebanon though.
I’ve always loved the name Leila. I was hoping to give it to one of my new dogs but I ended up adopting boys. I think I should get a cat and name it Leila.
@Arthur: Yes, there were a lot of small incidents. Muslims have been subject to hostility and discrimination since then. A year or so after 9/11, a reporter wore a hijab and headscarf, and walked around various urban areas. She was repeatedly spat on, sweared at, shoved, etc. Most people were nice and polite, but some were very hostile.
I have heard of incidents of people trying to push people in Islamic dress into speeding traffic.
The best person to ask would be a muslim. I know they get hassled at airports, at least. I had a Muslim coworker from Iraq that always got the third-degree when flying.
Why can’t we all just get along?!?!?!?!?!?!
*sings Michael Jackson’s Black or White
Where do you fit Brown?
In between two graham crackers and some marshmallow.
*overhears singing*
*drags stereo from the grave*
*queues up MJ’s Black or White*
*pushes play*
*10,000,000 zombies erupt from the ground*
*zombie hoard busts out some fine moves*
*zombie hoard pulls out some moves the living can’t do*
*zombie hoard re-attaches limbs before boogieing back into graveyard*
Love one another, children!
*giveslovesqueeziestoFailPeeps*
Maybe we’ll have something better to say by the endo the day.
Endo the day?! I’m climbing the walls at this dead-end job already, and it’s only 1:30 here!
We can go catch a matinee. Second installment of Wall-E Accidenty His Shorts is playing at a theatre near you.
Had to re-read your comments… for a second I thought you were inviting Brewski to go catch a manitee.
You weren’t the only one.
Been playing too much Tales of Monkey Island I guess…
I LOVE Monkey Island!!! Now, the only version of the game was “The Secret of Monkey Island” that released in 1990. I didn’t even know they had new versions out.
There’s now five games in the series. You should check them out; they’re a lot of fun. I’m particularly partial to The Curse of Monkey Island, which is the third installment in the series. Tales is the fifth and definitely worth a playthrough. Secret of Monkey Island, the second one, is also quite good. Escape From Monkey Island is the fourth in the series, and probably the weakest installment.
The reason I bring up Tales is in the third chapter you are swallowed by a giant manatee and spend much of the chapter trying to work your way back out.
D’oh. Secret is the first installment in the series. The second is Monkey Island 2: LeChuck’s Revenge.
Where is the Moomin when you need him?
Ok, who squoze him into oblivion…
*guilty look*
I feel sorry for the bike. It didn’t deserve that!
Deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.
You know, I don’t think I would have got that reference if I hadn’t seen that movie over the weekend (it was on cable).
Nice!
One of my favorites!
Which movie is that?
Unforgiven. A western from the early 90’s.
One of the best!
“I guess you think I’m kicking you, Bob. But it ain’t so.”
The Duck of Death!
what about that poor wall? it was totally unable to get out of the way and save itself.
It tried to, but the guy didn’t give the wall much time to get out of the way.
*brings the gate bandages*
good job it was made of rock and not, like, people or something isn’t it
glad to see it’s a dick only hurting themselves rather than (presumed) innocent bystanders – this time
I like the way his ass shoot up in the air when he hits the wall. Weeeeee!
fluffy fluffy fluffy!
*squeezes for Leila and fluffy*
YAY!!! My FIRST squeeze of the day!!!!!!!
*jumps in and squeeze fluffy (lightly) and Brewski*
And here’s a NOT LAST!!11!!elebenty!!! squeeze:
*squeeze!*
*content sigh*
This is always the right place to come to. What are we doing today?
1. Holeplay pornychatting.
2. Looking busy.
3. Safety.
4. Pantsing Brewski.
1. Done
2. Done
3. Yes, done.
4. I don’t have to do … it’s Gracie’s job, right?
Yes, ordinarily, but someone else might have to take on that responsibility today…
He is nibbling on me right now. So as you can see, my hands are occupied trying to keep him away. How about you do it? Go ahead, de-pant him!!!
Let’s not today. Please? I’d like to think I have something to contribute to the blog other than nudity!
*glances at Ms B*
*squeezes all the failpeeps*
Okay, Mr. Brewski. You’ve got the floor.
Contribute…
Opens the gate before Brewski floors it!
I did that so fast the ** didn’t have time to catch up!
*snork!*
*crashes through gates*
*skids to halt*
*blinks at spotlights*
Um… er… how about a plaguerized joke?
.
In Jerusalem, a female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, everyday, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Wailing Wall and there he was!
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, she approached him for an interview.
“I’m Rebecca Smith from CNN. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wall and praying?”
“For about 60 years.”
“60 years! That’s amazing! What do you pray for?”
“I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the hatred to stop and I pray for all our children to grow up in safety and friendship.”
“How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?”
“Like I’m talking to a fúckin’ wall.”
*Smurf!*
Indeed, Scott?
Not bad, Brewski. Here’s one for you:
A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding… Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing
when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail’s pace.
Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.
I’m just sick of all those knock off Snorks around here!
*smurfy squeezes*
“knock off Snorks”?
Fine, you want to smurf, you can smurf.
*returns Smurfy squeeze*
Yeah, the Snorks were a total rip off of the Smurfs!
*RIGLMS*
I am convinced someone here slipped me a fortune cookie the other day.
*squeeze*
I was just thinking you might have similar thoughts since you have a …*ahem*… similar reputation.
But you have a long ways to go before you can catch up to me!
*squeeze!*
It’s easier for me to get away from it, because mine is usually self-induced. You tend to get…forced…into it.
Brewski, I hereby empower you to change your reputation. Tell yourself will be de-panted no more.
It’s a new game he likes to play called the butt peek-a-boo.
Nice shorts!!!
It’s the only part he’s trying to protect because it was where he last saw his brains.
From the back side, that dude is so buff and yummy and tan that he doesn’t need brains …
… I am just sayin’.
*Sigh* Back to therapy for you, people are friends not food.
No, the saying is “fail friends are not food.” Everyone else is fair game.
Seems like I have much to learn.
*Scribbles furiously*
Oh ZA, I am sorry to report I have played many kill zombie games in the recent past.
Many apologies, I tried to explain to them I knew their kin but they only responded with “Urrg”.
Gee, where to begin.
1. In video games the only ones hurt are made of pixels. Simply put they don’t count. Case in point, I play San Andreas and have yet to be arrested for killing cops, stealing car, gang bangin’ or pimpin hoes.
2. Zombies have a short term memory issue, preventing us from holding grudges. It can be hard to notice since we typically just want to eat your brains anyway, but it’s because we love the taste of living brains and not because we harbor some resentment.
3. Safety.
4. Seatbelts.
5. Zombies have a short term memory issue, preventing us from understanding concepts like “hey, I know someone like you!”. Besides, that sentiment doesn’t help when you’re starving for some good old tasty braaaaaaaaiiiiiiinnnsss.
*Noted*
Just wanted to get that mens reas of my chest.
I love zombies, just not when they are eating my brains.
So when a zombie says, “Let me pick your brain for a minute”, he’s not looking for help on something.
Well he is but the help is for his stomach.
You female chauvinist you.
Ah, but you guys love it when we do it, don’t you?
Nope.
You basically comparing us to a stick in the ground, same functionality level.
Awesome!!! Oh wait, that’s not good. Perdonami.
I will cease objectifying the opposite sex.
I will cease objectifying the opposite sex.
I will cease objectifying the opposite sex.
I will cease objectifying the opposite sex.
I will cease objectifying the opposite sex.
*hands Leila cease and desist letter*
*takes ceases and desist letter*
*files it with all other legal infraction notifications*
Just don’t send me to jail. I do not make a good lesbian.
Have you tried before?
All I know is, she didn’t appreciate it when I licked her chocolate lava cake.
ROFL!
…but she didn’t seem to mind when I took her pulse!
*stares at Leila’s berries*
*drools*
berries, peaches, melons….
why is it always fruit??
Cuz we’re so sweet!
*longtimenosqueeze*
*squeezes back*
well.. they are round….
but ordinarily you don’t want your fruit that soft…
You have a dirty mind. I was admiring the strawberries in Leila’s avatar!
*squeeze*
who ME?
I… I… I…. I resemble that remark!
*squeeze*
Hey, watch it with the banana!
Euter, Möpse, Glocken… it’s not.
HEY!!! My eyes are UP here.
You have eyes?!?
I see what this is all about.
*places AE on her lap bottoms up*
*de-pants and de-underwears AE*
*smacks him a few times*
This hurts me more than it hurts you.
Yeah, flatulence does that sometimes.
Failblog diet has been at work again today.
*nibbles strawberries*
No more nibbling… *tries to swat Brewski away*
hmm… maybe it’s like fruit flies, Leila.
*sets out dish of beer to see if this will attract Brewski*
Are you saying there’s actually a possibility that Brewski will NOT appear???
*sniff sniff*
Hmmm. Beer!
*sniff sniff*
Wait… Budweiser?!
*walks away*
*replaces dish of Bud with Ommegang Hennepin*
HENNEPIN!!!
*squeals like a little girl*
*crashes through gates to get at brew*
Now if only I had a good aged cheese to pair with it!
OOH, that would be gouda!
*digs around in cellar*
*comes up with wheel of aged hickory smoked cheddar*
Will this suffice, Brewski?
Gouda would be very gouda indeed!
I’ll save the smoked cheddar for a German rauchbier. Mmmmm. Thanks!
Safety shorts or not, he’ll need to change them now.
“First you say it, then you do it!”
*RIGL*
agreed
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty’s motorcycle together again.
He’s lost weight after the accident, hasn’t he?
Did he diet?
He should. His cholestrol is out of control.
well he was a bit of an egghead, wasn’t he?
He is the yolk of town.
that’s never all it’s cracked up to be.
Just look up to the sunny-side!
The pieces just scrambled.
he’s just a shell of his former self now….
*slow sad headshake*
Omelet you take care of this pun-run, sweets…you seem to have it well in hand.
We should hatch more ideas.
jeez… I want to but my brain is fried!
Take it over easy, skwirrlgrrl, it’ll firm up soon.
I’m going to poach that comment for future use. Just yoking! You can keep it.
Black rebel motocycle club…
Did he Ducati?
OMIGAWD! It’s Duroc! I didn’t recognize you, it’s been so long!
And BRMC rocks! I love those guys.
*checks logbook*
All is right again.
did he cripple?
did he crackle?
did they have to use the spackle?
*tackle*
*tickle*
*turkle*
*tuckle*
Tuckle??
Truckle!
I consider this a cool aid advert fail.
OH NO!!!
I just wanna go home and back to my book!!!!!
*grumblegrumblestoopitworkgrumble*
This has been an especially slow day for me. What in heck?
watcha reading? I’m looking for something new…
The 12th book in the Wheel of Time series. Identities have finally been revealed!!! (Ok, one has, and I suspected it.)
It came out!!!??? Or am I thinking of the final book?
They had to split the final book into 3 books. The first of the three just came out. He left waaaaaay too many notes for them to end the story in one.
*returns from Amazon*
sounds interesting!
I loved LOTR but really haven’t
gotten intoread any other fantasy since.Ha! I went to a signing of his for the 11th book. He addressed the issue of how many more books there would be by saying, “There will only be one more book. It may come with it’s own handcart so you can move it, but there will only be one more.”
It was addressed in the forword. A very touching forword by the fill-in author.
Yeah, it was a nice forward. I just still find his comment funny.
I gave up on that series after the 7th book.
The 9th is my favorite so far. But you could totally skip the 8th and not miss a thing.
I just read the recaps on Wikipedia. I am good to go
Hmmm, maybe I shoulda done that before starting this one. I was so confused at first! I forgot everything I’d previously read! (Oh yeah! He lost his hand!)
My eighth book is the signed one. I may have to go get the new one, just so I can finally find out what the *ahem* happens! I got really fed up with the series as a whole, but I intend to finish it. Otherwise it’ll drive me insane!
I’m with you Avis. I’ve been reading the series for 17 years now, I’ll stick it out until the end just to see what happens.
It’s funny, between books I say stuff like that. Then as I’m reading, I just get pulled back into it. I love that feeling of just immersing myself into the story.
I’m very much the same way MsB.
I enjoyed 10 and 11 very much. They moved along much better than 7 or 8. I’ll admit he tried my patience a little, but he’s not the first author to do so, and I’m sure he won’t be the last. It didn’t stop me from going to Borders the day 12 was released.
I was that way about The Legend of the Seeker but was glad he finished it. I have spoken to the author several times and he was going to wrap it up in 5 books then 6 and so on and then it became 11 to finally wrap it up. And now he has a “thriller” that ties back into the series.
Err Sword of Truth, I should say. Legend of the Seeker is that stupid show they made out of it.
Yes, and please don’t ever mention it again, I’m happy with my Sword of Truth memories.
I started that series. I recently tried to re-read it, so that I could finish it now that it’s done. I just can’t get into it, for some reason. And I want to!
BOOM i hope he lose his job to ape on a bicycle
…
FAKE
Just look at teh pixels!!!one!!!eleventy!!!
THE SHADOWS ARE ALL WRONG!!!!111! LOLOLOL!!11!
*head explodes
tsk tsk tsk another clone has suffered death
*noms on brains of the clone*
*hears the crash from a distance*
*limps to the location of the crash but finds that no one is there anymore*
*dissapointment for no brain to nom on*
Sorry to tell you, but even if you had been there at the time of the crash, I don’t think there was a brain to nom…
*agrees*
STSZ – you are welcome to nom on my brain. I haven’t been using it today and they say a mind is a terrible thing to waste.
Thanks.
*happily noms on brain*
Dude we don’t non on our FB friends. Bad STSZ. LOL
Sorry.
I will never do it again.
*gets DNA sample from BoppitybopBopper and clones another brain for BoppitybopBopper*
*places it back into BoppitybopBopper’s skull*
DRAT!! Now I’ll be expected to use it again! *sigh*
*whistles “If I only had a brain…”*
I love MC900 foot Jesus!!!
Drat!! Now I’ll be expected to use it again. I was really hoping for an out.
*sigh*
Crash test Dummy
I couldn’t find the lost city of the molepeople. I found many things on my journey.
But you must admit, that the way he walked away, looked pretty cool.
Can you deny that that would be exactly how a cyborg would act on its first day? ^^
Either that or he was stoned out of his mind and was commenting to the folks in the building “wow… that’s the third time this week… my neighbor’s gonna be ticked when he gets home and finds his bike”
Ok, I am really not liking all this new added commentary in the title and at the end of the movie. It’s like how when you have to explain a joke it’s not funny anymore.
It’s okay MsB. It wouldn’t be FailBlog if people didn’t complain about something.
MS B ♥ LIKES THE NEW TITLES AND DOESN’T GIVE A RAT’S ASS WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS!!!
Ms. B, are you trying to say that you like the new titles? Just trying to clarify.
Ditto.
Wait, I don’t get it. Does she prefer the old titles, or the new titles?
Yes.
I nearly fell out of my chiar reading that.
I read it:
MS B ♥ LIKES THE NEW TITIES AND DOESN’T GIVE A RAT’S ASS WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS!!!
Well, once she pays for them they’re really hers, right?
So you’re saying that you really do have a wheechiar? I have just the sign for you.
What does she want for the rat’s ass, or is it simply not for sale?
*squeeeeeeeeeeze!*
Judy, you’re my favorite!
I love Judy and Ms B!
*squeezies*
*three-way blue squeezies*
*sobbing hysterically*
I tried to change my avatar to get some blue love and it won’t take!!!
(AWAAAAH!!!)
You’ll have to turn a puppet into a real boy to experience that!
Has anyone else realized how distrubing that movie actually is?
I don’t think I’ve seen it in more than 20 years. I remember the whole thing being the stuff nightmares are made of though. Even the cricket.
And Pleasure island in that film! Oh, god, those donkey-boys still give me the shivers.
The irony is that my little bro just got that movie for his sixth birthday.
I have to do a version of that at work. It’s horrifying.
Little wooden boy in the belly of love?
Puppet of his own perverse desires.
The ties that bind.
No need. We aren’t prejudiced here. All colors are just dandy! Be unique!
*squeezes the bopper*
I knew there was a reason I liked you Brew!!
*Places pint on table*
I know it’s early in the day, but have one on me.
You kidding?! It’s rounding on 5 for him!
Thanks Bop!
Correction, 5:15pm. I’m heading out. Happy Fails!
Where is he going? Is he riding the motorcycle?
“DOT ORG!!!!!!111eleven”
he crashed into a wall
Intriguing! Tell me more.
♪Tell me more, tell me more
did he get very far?
Tell me more, tell me more
like, did he have a car? ♫
*screeches into scene in Grease Lighning*
*combs hair*
*straightens leather jacket*
*puts on shades*
♪I don’t drink (no)
Or swear (no)
I don’t rat my hair (eew)
I get ill from one cigarette
(cough, cough, cough)
Keep your filthy paws
Off my silky draws
Would you pull that crap with Annette?♫
When I hear music, I just can’t make my feet behave
*Gate crashes*
♫ You don’t drink, don’t smoke. What do you do? The subtle innuendos follow . . . ♫
I give him 20 points for having his shoe reach the height that it did..
JW, you have the duct tape. Do you think you can fix him or is the stupidity too far gone?
Fix him as NEUTER him thereby de-balling the schnitzel?
Sasha!
WTF?!?! Can someone please explain why this guy pants are shoved up his ass?! like a G-string! It looks like hes wearing panties!! thats a double fail!!
Pants fail?
Which you are somewhat familiar with, correct Brew?
LIES!!!!!
*pockets royalties*
I left you a message ^^ there in regards to your pants issue.
well if he’s going to ride like that you can’t exactly expect him to be fully able of getting dressed unaided AND correctly… probably his buck toothed girl (we think) friend’s Big Panties on backwards.
I’m falling head over wheels for you, honey… No, really! Watch!
Nothin’ says love like third-degree road rash…
Totally gives a whole new meaning to the term “heartburn”.
His head and s(m)art where it the same place there for a second.
… yes?
Your GibberishTranslator™’s not working, either?
Nope. And I ran it through several times, just to make sure. “Lifetime guarantee”, my butt.
Absolutely awesome. I like how, at the last instant, you don’t actually see him hit, until the inertia flips him into the air momentarily, kind of like an old Wile E. Coyote gag.
Since when had the unfunny titles been popping up? This should have been SCOOTER FAIL.
except it’s not a scooter
Check out the hang time of his shoe!
Was his mission to check if his eyes popped out cartoon style if he did that?
Atleast his shoe made it.
Now that was stupid, yet fun.
stupid=fun=fail
Why, god, did the failblog.org banner have to play in the video again. It is the worst. Even if it was just muted I would be infinitely happier.
The same could be said for you.
Life is hell. It’s no longer worth the effort. Because of the banner, I suggest that we all make a suicide pact.
You first.
Because, after all, we are a crazy cult, remember?
MAN, these pink robes are comfy.
Pink? I thought that they were red one that had faded in the desert sun.
*quietly adds an s*
Coyote, they already have a name for light red, it’s pink.
Now go run to the store. We’re getting low on elbow grease.
Shotgun!
FailBlog has a Puma?
Ha! High five Shadow!
Blaaargh!
Oh boy, this could easily get out of control.
You want to talk about it?
Much as I would love to, I must go to bed. Do try not to get Coyote pregnant, yeah?
*runstobedwithaquickness*
Bow-chicka-honk-honk.
Now THAT would be a medical marvel.
No worries Coyote.
It’s an online show called Red vs Blue based on the game HALO. I find it pretty funny.
hint: there’s a play/pause button. i haven’t had to watch the FBO tag for quite a while now. it also makes reading the Powered By banner easier.
Thank god he was wearing those shorts. It’s scary to think of what could have been.
Ummmmm did he wreck the scooter wearing only a thong or am i just stoned and seeing shit????
pretty much, yeah. that, and sneakers. and possibly a beer coat.
I bet he’s gay!
Really?
*looks thoughtfully*
Yeah, I’d gate-crash that.
He is obviously gay. You can tell by the way he smells. Sort of like corndogs.
Holy ****! But any parking you can walk away from is good one, right?
Oh no!
*runs out of room, a horrified look on his face*
MOMMMMMMYYYY!!!!! HE SAID THE “*” WORD!!!
Oh my %#&@~£§¥۞₪! Wash his mouth out with cottage cheese. (I hate cottage cheese)
Oh my PercentNumberAndAtCurvyEuroCurvyYenJewGreeceBox? Now that’s something lol.
But the f-word has five *’s.
are you f****** me
*leaves the room lights a joint*
Um…not that one. Hint: fir**
U sure have to be dumb to do that
)
My father once told me that an accident doesn’t occur because of one mistake, but because of several accumulated mistakes.
Like forgetting to replace the battery for the portal remote.
Or not wearing a helmet.
Or driving like crazy and not thinking a kid could have been standing beside the portal if it opened.
My father added that for an accident to occur, you might need several mistakes, but you only need one idiot.
I like your Dad, and he is right.
+1
Also not respecting the power of a sportsbike, learning to ride properly before committing to such power, or realising the potential pain of roadrash. (Not to mention how damn cold you’ll get from windchill even in a desert summer – or indeed how heatstroked you’ll then get when you rapidly exceed your body’s ability to produce perspiration vs how fast it evaporates… wicking fabrics are literally “better than nothing” when on the move). I don’t think he was meaning to head towards/thru the gate – by the wobble, he lost control almost immediately on entering the parking lot.
But anyway … what better place to generate a great many mistakes all at once than by supplying 1x idiot, no money down, pay nothing for 2 years then interest-free repayments for the next 14.
Um..is he wearing a thong?
I was about to ask that same question.
I was drinking water when I watched this. You can probably guess what happened lol
how can anyone not see the wall
HE’S WEARNING A THONG!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!! HE TOTALLY DESERVED THAT LOL
Looks like the turbo from knight rider doesnt work on motorcycles only on old firebirds
It’s like he didn’t see the wall until the last second. wtf.
Best topic
aaaaaaaand this is why most civilised nations make you take a test before riding anything more than a 50cc (mouse fart power, cyclists will laugh at you), or at best 75/110/125/150cc (slightly bigger mouse thru to geo metro levels of acceleration)……. and even then you may need a basic proficiency certification before moving up from pedal power. plus a legal requirement to wear a helmet of some kind (proven 80% fatality reduction… it’s not the speed that kills you, but the 5-foot unbroken fall onto concrete) and admonishment to cover up even more.
not so much for your own sake, but so you don’t run into and kill someone else, or waste ambulance (and hospital, and undertaker) time and negation of all the other negative knock-on effects on your family, employers, etc. or at very least, so you’re able to give a description of/face charges for the collision when you wake up.
thanks for the reckless-moron lulz, whichever place this was (‘merka? vietnam?) that doesn’t impose such restrictions.
that said, my first time out on a 125cc full-auto scooter was a bit of a “whoa! STOP!!!!” thrill ride itself. No clutch to reign things in or control the power take-up, and 15bhp hitting all at once when tweaking the throttle off the line is somewhat different from trying to coax it out of a geared bike below 20mph…
Total carnage! The rider deliberately and carelessly zoomed straight into the gate! He was not even wearing a safety helmet!
Awesome parking technique !
Now THAT is what you’d see from a cartoon.
Big smash, and random parts go flying. XD
Not a scooter…..it’s a small sport bike.
my laptop was muted and i heard the crash
I think that he did it on purpose so that he can come on failblog
DID HE DIED????
YES!!! U BRILLIANT!!!
Woohoo!!!
Five hundred and fifty-fourth!!!