Click to see G-Rated Pics and Movies Only
« Previous Mom looks puckered up and eager! | Let’s skip the middleman. I’ll just flush the sandwich whole. Next »
Anticrime Law Fail
A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
Picture by: dunno source Submitted by: zx532 via Fail Uploader
 | Critter Rhode on Whale Win |
 | coyote on Whale Win |
 | Whoville on Disney Channel Fail |
 | Aavo Taaler - Montan… on Avatar Plot Fail or Observatio… |
| coyote on Whale Win |
 | sapo on You don’t say |
 | Aja on Whale Win |
 | Quark on Sweater Fail – Graffiti… |
 | PatD on How did he make it through the… |
 | Little Girl Blue … on Whale Win |
Cheezburger Network Blog
Fabulous!
Fatuous more like.
Does that make the crime legal if you warn your victims 24 hours before? That would make the world interesting for a change!
What it really does is add an additional charge in the case of each crime — unless, as the Joker often did, the perpetrator gives the victim advanced warning.
No kidding!
“Hello, I’m [name] and I will rape you and then murder you.”
“Oh, that’s nice. At least I know it’s coming.”
you forgot to put the time and the place
like:
“Hello, I, [name] will rape you and then murder you in your kitchen at 8:16 pm”
“Oh, looks like i need to hurry, i still need to buy some pickles at the wallmart”
no, but it makes the victim an accomplice
If it became legal, then it’d no longer be a crime, which means it’d no longer require advance notice… PARADOX!
WOW YOU ARE SO SMART
If your crime becomes legal, why worry about the advance notice? I mean sure, they could prepare an escape route or an evacuation or something… but I don’t see where the problem lies. But as Daniel said, it’s more to provide an extra charge for crimes. Say for the average assault charge, you get 5 years. Well with this law, you also get charged with not providing extra notice, thus meaning you get 5 years from your assault charge AND 2 years from your “didn’t provide advance notice” charge.
Not to mention that if you ARE actually stupid enough to provide advanced notice, you’ll be a) arrested by awaiting police, most likely, and b) charged with premeditated whatever the crime is. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t!
Exactly the point. Law isn’t supposed to be a game, or a puzzle that can be solved so that you get what you want while avoiding any consequences. The intent of such a law is to increase the cost of committing a crime to the point that no one will commit them at all.
Following one law in the process of committing a crime does not make your actions legal. That’d be like saying that wearing your seatbelt while performing a drive-by shooting made the shooting legal.
I know absurd defenses are appealing to people, but people are really jumping to conclusions here.
fabulicious
fake-a-licious, I would say.
reply fail
you all fail :/
Hi,
Here’s a letter from Dave. I just wanted to warn you that tomorrow around 11am i will beak in to your house and rape your two fluffy cats.
Could you pls leave the key under the flower pot at the entrance?
Thank you in advance, dave
P.S I don’t plan on using protection. Don’t judge me.
P.S. some lubrification would be desirable, i’m quiet large
meow…
PS3: Please wash your cats too.
LIKE
P.S. please warm the cats up for me, i’m very busy and have no time for foreplay.
It’s not breaking in if you use a key, Dave.
It’s not raping either, if you use a key
are you a parrot?
No, but i also do parrots.
If you wish, i can send you a letter
oh, gimme a beak.
multi-colored, please.
Cats? Everybody knows I only rape guinea pigs and other members of the class Rodentia.
Eeek.
I would be hiding if I were you.
Pls Dave,
Stop being so pretentious !
Crazy
Oh dear…
Something else to nab them on if they can’t get tax evasion to stick…
Wow thats a major fail
1. marcelo 126 up, 38 down love it hate it
get this on a mug
A name only found to be given to the most sexually attractive males, and who in later years are also found to become purely the defintion of dilf. //Urban dictionary.
My first name is Marcelo…ergo, worship me.
Anywaaay, the key will be left under the pot.
This isnt true, my flat mate is named Marcelo, and hes a 25 year old virgin, with major social and hygiene issues, wears pants and socks with more holes in then swiss cheese. Enough said!
I fell on ye, It was an accident….honest.
Are ye sure about that? Cos if not, you didn’t give me 24 hours notice. I don’t like surprises.
I am sure! I just ended up with my arson the floor.
If it starts burning, I’ll know who to blame. :p
* snork *
please provide advance warning before I’ve had my coffee… now, where did I put the screen wiper?
*hands sauer a roll of paper towels*
I’ve just learned to not drink coffee while reading comments…
I apologize… I am slower to learn than most.
Well… actually, I’ve started trying to drink more of my coffee on my morning commute, that way I have the caffeine in my system by the time I get to my computer and bring up FB… the caffeine helps stimulate the brain function and I remember to not drink it while reading comments. I do still lapse every now and then when I forget to drink my coffee on the commute in.
It’s a bit of a catch 22 since threatening someone is itself a crime
It’s not a threat, just a friendly heads up.
Creeping out people one rape victim at a time..
50/50 chance it would stop criminals doing their unlawful deeds.
By the way, here is one rule from the ‘Death Note’ anime:
‘Once the victim’s name is written, details of the cause of the death should be written within 6 min 40 sec. Once the cause is written, it will take place immediately. Otherwise, the victim will die of a heart attack.’
Dear Mrs. Stevenson
im here to inform you of my multiple counts of Larson, burglary, and theft (i like being through), slander, loitering, arson, assault with a non deadly weapon, treason, and 4 counts of vehicular manslaughter to occur in 24 hours. Please enjoy yourself in the (6:41) meantime and have a nice day.
(cue heartattack)
sooooo if she is dead who is goin to tattle to the po po
What about victimless crimes? Who do I notify? I’m so confused…
You need to put an advertisement in the local news for three consecutive Sundays beforehand. Just like reading banns.
Who gets the ring? Can I keep it? It’s kind of sweet…
It’s still attached, but you can keep it. It’ll just need a little time to dry out.
I got Lou a ring, but the Velcro chafed him.
You were probably just pulling a little too hard.
You mean sucking?
Oh, sorry. I thought you misspelled collar.
* cough *
*loosens sauerkraut’s collar* Better?
yes, thank you.
* squeeze *
I hear a really tight collar heightens the. . . ..oh wait. . .what was I saying? Nevermind.
Yeah, that will help!
wouldnt you have to warn them 24 hours in advance about the probable heartache that will happen?
heart attack
no, heartache.
This is actually borderline brilliant because it adds an extra charge for each crime committed (provided they haven’t properly notified the victim!)
but it missed the opportunity to legislate the mandatory ownership and possession of a firearm… what’s the point in compelling advance notice if the target is not forced to protect him/herself thru compulsory firearm ownership??
“A recently passed anticrime law requires law-abiding citizens to disarm themselves so they will be easier targets for criminals.”
Sadly, true. I couldn’t make this up, thank your politicians.
It’s operationally equivalent to increasing penalties by some fixed amount across all crimes, which could have been done instead.
It’s not brilliant, it just leaves away for a civil court in the event the accused is actually shown to be innocent in court.
Its a shame and an abuse.
Well, look at it this way. We all know there is no criminal out there who would ever notify anyone about anything. This is a big given. But, the possible advantage is that once criminals are apprehended, they could be instantly found guilty of the additional crime of failing to notify.
Sounds dumb, but maybe it means bigger fines and longer jail terms somewhere.
no criminal, eh? there are plenty of gang-bangers who tell their targets about what’s coming.
Well, that’s apparently how the drafters of this law saw it… right?
Besides, then they’ll nail you for failing to properly prove that you properly notified… same tactic is currently used in normal notification procedure.
Why not instead just increase penalties across all crimes, then?
No, no… that would be ‘unconstitutional’ *wink*
They’ve done things like adding an assessment fee to the base fine for things like traffic tickets (another form of criminal law) in California to try and get around constitutional problems with ‘excessive fines’. There, the base fine is still only around $45… that’s right, a special offer, only $40!!!,,, but the penalty assessment fee is 140% the base fine, so your actual monetary exchange is….$108. Eh, hem, and since penalty assessment isn’t anything other than a processing fee, (and not a fine) it is all constitutionally just okey dokey!
Traffic law comes under the same house as criminal law, only that traffic is infraction based.
So, hitting you with another law that you’ve automatically broken means yet one more cleaver way to get around that darned old out-dated constitution. (being sarcastic, by the way)
Processing fees as a form of surreptitious tax increase have been successfully challenged in California, so I imagine that they could also be successfully challenged as a form of surreptitious fine increase.
And, likewise, I don’t think that a law to effect cruel-and-unusual levels of punishment by requiring that criminals give advanced warning or somesuch would withstand a determined challenge.
Other than that, I have nothing to add to what you have said.
This is the “liberal” replacement for the 2nd Amendment.
This is not really a ridiculous law, this is just another way to get criminals, so you can also charge them with breaking this law.
All this unfair discrimination against criminals makes me sick.
Yeah, couldn’t the crime guilds do anything about it?
So wait, if I kill someone and don’t tell him 24 hours before then I’m getting more years in prison because I didn’t note him?
Framing someone for murder just got a little more interesting..
suddenly, beurocracy
Just to let all know I am gonna say good morning to all the nice people today only, sometime in the near future.
Good morning, 5.
good morning, 5 eagles. but you didn’t name any “nice people.”
YOu sauerkraut and JW so far. Sorry I was going to come back on and mention all who are nice and I will do that. But I need to notify those people first.
I will look forward to that, 5 eagles.
Sorry Judy didn;t see you there put some wieght on so you are not a toothpick.
I’m pretty sure I’m not nice. But good morning anyway!
Basically this can’t be real.
Making it necessary to inform people won’t really help. I think that long term, the best way to cut down crime will be just to make it illegal full stop. When will this message get through??
It’s so obvious it makes you wonder why none of these genius politicos have thought of it.
…Because they’re busy building the Precrime unit at the DOJ. There have been questions about the morality of genetically mutating kids with psychoactive drugs, but I don’t expect any delays.
Crime laws never have any direct effect on crime. The intent is either to punish after the fact, or to deter people from committing the crime by raising the consequences of getting caught. But simply making a law has no effect on crime. A law like this would be just as effective as any other law intended to reduce crime; it’s just more obviously absurd.
DAMN them! How dare they not make crimes illegal! It saddens me that we have so MANY legal crimes… makes you wonder what is wrong with our society… (this was all sarcastic, fyi)
kaito kid must be pleased with this…
Orally… giggity
At least the victims have time to arm themselves.
Lord Vetinari would be proud. Was this from the Morpork Times?
This does have a Discworld flavor. Does anyone know where this is from, anyway?
I only fear it might not be that effective without some guild members eager to pursue justice.
This is really most convenient for people committing premeditated murder. I mean, if you’re already thinking about them anyway…
I heard they’re also adding criminal notifications to the facebook API. That would be SO convenient.
Does this mean you could stand just to the east of the international date line and say ‘ i’m gonna stab you this time tomorrow’ then do it straight away?
no. you’d have to step over the line first.
That means stepping forward in time, which means……listen, I confused myself enough with the last comment. Now I’m going to have to go and lie down.. Are you sure you can’t just poke the knife across the line?
I guess technically, both you and the individual you were going to stab would have to step across the line, otherwise you would just be warning them from the past and they wouldn’t really have had the full 24 hour prior notice.
That could work… I’ll let you know how I get on..
Sh!t, he had a gun! *dies*
Are there places where you could be on land and step over the International Date Line? Looks like you would need a boat for this plan.
If you planned well, you could implement this plan three times in rapid succession on a single NW tack from Samoa.
here’s my question… what happens if a bad guy tells his target that he’s gonna do a B&E but commits a burglary instead? what are the options? will the failure to follow thru on the notification be considered a crime or a reason to file a civil action for breach of contract?
Does it matter which crime was committed when the home owner supports compulsory firearm ownership and greets the criminal crawling through his window with a 12 guage shotgun?
well, yes, it does matter. it is a contract, afterall. a very serious issue.
but now I have to mull the appropriate weapon to use…
so early in the morning and so few cups of coffee to imbibe.
why are you double spacing LOL
The source is this
dumblaws.com/laws/united-states/texas
I checked this site and couldn’t find it. It looks fake to me.
Just checked the site, too, and this law is listed as the third from last State Law, right before going into the list of various city laws.
Attention: I hereby give notice of my intention to post a comment on Failblog tomorrow at approximately 10am EST. This comment will be hilarious (IMHO), but others may find it offensive.
offensive is good… but could you post earlier? like, say… 6:30 am?
Just change your clocks.
The Grammar Nazis have been notified and watching closely.
I intend to be waiting for you at Failblog tomorrow like a creepy stalker. I also may steal your pants then or at least grope you. Just letting you know.
*gropingstalkersqueezies*
Muhahahahha! It’s a date!
So, does this mean as long as I put in writing, 24 hours in advance that I’m going to rob the jewelry store down the street, and give a valid reason, that it’s okay?
Yes. Just remember that shoes and shirt and required to rob any store. And no spitting on the sidewalk on the way home.
well now… that takes all the fun out of robbery. with all those rules, I’ll never be able to be a robber. dang it… yet another career choice shot to h*ell.
I wonder how long the notice period lasts. I mean, does it have to be EXACTLY 24 hours or, say, any time after that up to, say 2 weeks? I mean keeping the victim in suspense for too long has got to be annoying.
They have to know exactly what time you’re going to commit the offence. That way, they can have a light tea and some refreshments ready for you. You can’t expect a cream tea on short notice.
I’m not sure I’d trust the cake…
I don’t know Jam, I can be a clot on pretty short notice.
*Bumps tea service onto the floor*
For that, you deserve a whipping.
Single or double?
Double lashings, unless that’s just milking it.
Damn it, I missed my lumps!
Don’t worry, we’re not sour over it.
Good, I didn’t want to spoil anything.
Remember to follow through, I don’t want this to be just another charming bit of froth.
You really don’t want any follow through. That’ll make your stomach curdle.
In that case, when it’s my turn, I’ll have mine with a twist.
Your turn! Butter up and let’s get fraîche.
*Gats all stargazy*
Heads up! Things are starting to coalesce.
cream tea?
*creams self*
*Agitates*
*churns*
* Swirls*
* folds *
I guess they’re trying to inspire criminals to be more like Arsene Lupin.
This needs a very good source if it’s to be credible, it looks too ridiculous to be believed. It’s also very easily faked.
Its real, its OLD been around for YEARS so its not something recently passed. And its a Texas law, not something thats taken as an excuse in court tho but it was written as a real law.
This is fail to the max!
yes, and it’s always good to aim high when it comes to failure.
LOL! What was this guy thinking? Idiots are halarious.
Man I was hoping the ice would crack! Not so he died but just a small refleshment would have been nice!
Sounds like the famous Discworld Guild of Thieves… Soon, you’ll also get a receit for robbery with a two-year guarantee that you won’t be robbed again.
^^
Srsly, that’s not a bad idea really..
This takes me right back to an old manager at my previous job who, in order to combat a recent rise in staff sickness (i.e. the flu season), issued a decree that all employees must give 24 hours notice before any absence. This meant for example that in order to be off sick on a Tuesday staff would have to come in on Monday morning, inform him first thing of their intention to be ill the next day, and then work the full Monday shift as normal since they were not yet unwell.
We tried at length to get him to understand how crazy this was but despite numerous attempts at explanation he just couldn’t understand what the problem was. I think the rule was eventually quietly shelved when somehow not one unwell person was able to comply.
Bosses. Never seem to listen, do they?
the thieves guild will be up in arms about this, they already have to give out receipts – now more paperwork. The Patriction, Lord Vetinari, has gone bonkers (only don’t tell him i said so).
funny, but that has to be fake.
I kind of like it,
It would give the cops something extra to charge criminals with.
Police: breaking and entering, that’s a fine. But did you give the victim 24 hours notice?
Criminal: ummm, no…
Police: Oh in that case it’s 6 months jail time.
Actually, I would prefer something more severe.. *grin*
I would prefer that B&E’s carried a minimum of jail time, particularly for repeat offenders but that’s not the way the world works.
Oh I have an even better idea! let’s pass a law that forbids the criminals to commit any crime whatsoever.
eee, most countries got that one already, its called “The Law”…
Actually, it would be only polite to send an invitation.
“This is an engraved invitation to rob me blind. We will be out of town for 3 days around Thanksgiving. You might notice our lights come on promptly at 6PM. This is only a timer so no need to worry. Also, we left a window unlocked for your convenience, although the key is hidden in a fake rock by the back door.”
You neglected to include the security company schedule for drive by’s.
If the window fails to open, use the large dog door in the backyard.
Why don’t they just use the key?
pff, I’ve submitted fail way batter than this crap, and mine have never been published.. Stop publishing your friends’ crap…
guys, sorry to raid on your parade, but I think this is a quote from a Discworld novel… a work of fiction by Terry Pratchett…
Raid for the win.
I’m going to use that one…
This law would make perfect sense in Ankh-Morpork.
If you notify someone you’re going to commit a violent crime against them, then you’re uttering a threat, which is itself a crime. Oh well, so it goes.
Sounds like some kind of entrapment. I wonder if you could get away with robbing someone by informing them 24 hours first, then in court argue that you followed the law.
So if the owner received the proper 24 hr notice, the stated robbery commited – then they went to file it on their homeowners insurance – wouldn’t that be insurance fraud since the owner’s inaction lead to the perpetration of said crime?
So if they rob you (w/o proper notice) do they get charged with both robbery and failure to provide proper notice?
Man I wish I would have though of a law to stop the lawbreakers…. man thank goodness for such thorough politicians.
“Hey there just thought I’d let you know I will be robbing your house at 3:30 tommorow morning.” – “sure no problem”.
hey this is ur neighborhood rapist im just calling to say that im going to rape u at 3:30 tomarrow morning. if this time doesnt work for u pls call me back to reschudule.
This is actually quite a bad law, not even counting the fact that it makes no sense.
If someone is caught, they will obviously not have notified the victim. This means that whatever the crime, people will have committed one extra crime, which would be punished independently. That means the difference between crimes becomes less, because all crimes are treated harshly. That in turn would lead to criminals preforming more violent crimes, because they aren’t as much worse as other crimes.
So by enforcing this anti-crime law, police officers will decrease petty crimes, at the cost of increasing the amount of larger crimes.
The fail here is the paper or website that printed this well established hoax yet again and all you jerks who believe it. It is fiction. Get over it
)
This sounds like a translation of the law for Japanese mysterious thieves (怪盗).
well, i feel better already!
wow, i feel real safe now
Best thing
GREAT! Gives me time to load up my gun.
in 24 hours time i will be coommiting an act of careless driving and will accidently run you over
PS this sounds like somthing out of a prattchett novel
Somebody’s been reading to many DiscWorld books.
Thats great 24 hours should be enough time to buy a gun if you dont already have one
Another law is that you must inform the police prior to committing a crime so an investigation can be conducted quickly afterward.
Just kidding, though, considering this little bit of news, who knows?
If I go through the process first,does that make it legal?
It’s a clever way of getting around double jeopardy laws. See, at least in most English speaking countries, you can’t be charged for the same crime twice. But if failure to notify is a crime, well OJ might’ve gotten a couple of years in a second trial.
I disagree. If you commit two crimes you can be charged with two crimes and it not be double Jeopardy.
For example, if I break into someones house and steal something, that’s 2 crimes (one count of B&E, one count of theft).
Even though the theft depended on the B&E, they are two separate charges.
This happens a lot with career criminals, they’ll often get charged with a list of crimes, meaning a higher chance of conviction.
By the way, if you want to get around Double Jeopardy, then you go to civil court.
HAHA The rime Rates Would Only Fall Bc Everyones Too Busy Laughing Their A**** Off!
*Crime…..My Bad
Anyone could have written that whats to say its true?