Security Door Fail
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I adoor security!
I’m afraid you might be slightly unhinged…
That has just ajarred a memory…
*goes off to look for pixies*
Just watch out for the fairies, I hear they swing both ways…
*nods from afar*
It is the key to a good relationship!
… with a hermaphrodite.
* wiping coffee off monitor *
Throwing fruit at your monitor is almost guarenteed to end in smashy smashy.
Somebody go back and get a whole shitload of dimes!
Second
* looks behind door for gracie’s bat *
The emperors new parking garage?
*points*
*laughs*
strings appear to be attached to that statement.
pathway to narnia?
thats through a wardrobe.
your face is through a wardrobe.
OOOOOHHHH!!!!!
If my face went through a wardrobe, it would be in Narnia.
Or in a coat.
next to the dust bunnies?
Or next to the set of non-matching single gloves whose mates were lost over the years.
*Climbs through picture of a ship*
*investigates dust bunny community*
*takes notes*
*returns via ruby slippers*
* click *
* click *
* click *
*leaves thread to play with the guineapigs on the island of ponds*
Wheep wheep wheep wheep wheep.
*looks permanently startled*
Just follow the white rabbit.
i don’t get it? can’t the cars/trucks just hop the curb and go around the door?
Welcome to Failblog.
Teach me the secret handshake.
I’ll get me potato.
Yes, we use a secret butt shake.
Free butt shake lessons for 500 yen.
*gives a ü and a ß to Augenballgroße stücke vom teig formen Im staubzucker walzen und Sagt die zauberworter Simsalbimbamba saladu saladim*
AHAH! I knew something was missing, my life is fulfilled now since these have been filled in!
You are Staubzucker?
*confused*
*SNORK*
*snörk*
Sounds Swedish.
A strong metal door is KEY to good security. . . even if you’re protecting an invisible parking structure.
It’s pretty easy to climb over the door, though. Just use one of the cables! That isn’t fully thought through.
*steps over curb into parking lot*
Door? What door??
There is no door.
The door is a lie?
Continue experimentation to receive delicious, moist…door.
*door opens*
*wormhole pops into being*
Low budget Stargate then?
I’m thinking CarGate
So when the door opens it’s not into that parking lot but into a McDonalds?
Just a wall with the drive through speaker there. But it hardly works.
“Okay, the door is ready, now all we have to do is make the walls left and right of the door a little higher.”
A lot?
Indeed, a parking lot. Why do you mention that?
Just a confirmation.
*wanders off whistling*
You laugh now but if it weren’t for that door, that grafiti would be on one of those cars
gra- fiti or graf-iti?
Ohhh.. so it IS a security measure!
Invisible walls !
The Berlin Wall memorial went slightly awry.
you’ll get stoned for that!
*flees in terror*
*gives BFF some DE*
Lucky BFF. I have to pay to get stoned.
sounds like a concrete statement.
♪Everybody must get stoned♫
♪How many times must a man be stoned, until he becomes a man?♫
♫Everyone I love is…stoned♪
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
Ryannon! *Squeeze* How are you?
Just ask the Vicar, he was just fixing curtains and ended up mortarfied.
*slips a note under the door*
“Help! There is a woman lying on the sidewalk! BLEEDING! Open up the door!”
*slips note back with addendum*
I thought you were a doctor?
*shrugs*
*uses note to stop the bleeding*
If you could read what was written, he can’t be a doctor.
Dun dun dunnnnn!
Part of my job is deciphering the written word- including notes written by doctors & lawyers- I call it a talent, others think I am odd.
Are we voting on that?
*poke* *poke* *poke*
….an enigma!
Wrapped in a conundrum?
How do I get in?
lol
carefully.
Just like you would make love to a hedgehog.
* again wipes coffee off the monitor *
any idea how expensive these cups of starbucks coffee cost?
Less than a monitor?
Have you been to Starbucks lately? (besides his monitor is really an etch-a-sketch.
Or navigate a minefield in clown shoes.
Well, it does keep cars out, but I don’t think they had to spring for the big security door to do so…
Yeah, usually, one of those little wooden arms will work. This must be a rough neighborhood.
That looks really like a place in Cork…I’m gonna have to go down and have a look see….just in case, you understand
*bends Hitler over*
*lifts Hitler’s tutu*
*inserts HUGE pineapple in Hitler’s rectum*
*tickles Hitler for an hour*
Bet you anything Hitler approves of that.
Yesterday I had a patient who had the feeling that he had “a hot potato in the rectum”. When I was examining him I thought it would be fun to have a potato lying in a drawer for such eventualities. Imagine the surprise if I triumphantly would hold it up!
Awesome story! Can you tell it again?
Yesterday I had a patient who had the feeling that he had “a hot potato in the rectum”. When I was examining him I thought it would be fun to have a potato lying in a drawer for such eventualities. lmagine the surprise if I triumphantly would hold it up!
Was he clutching some curtains?
No, but he put himself into a trance when I examined him! (It’s…something he does). When he stepped off the examination table he suddenly started snapping his fingers loudly for half a minute to get out of the trance. I thought it was very jazzy. I had to fight the urge to join him.
BWAHAHAHA!!!
*SNORK!*
Doitdoitdoit!
But.. how many eventualities like this do you have??
Whenever someone whines about a sore butt.
I think the eventuality of a “sore butt” is not the same eventuality of “hot potato in the rectum”.
True. But it would still be funny if Czuhc examines, makes “Hmmmm”, then pulls out his finger and holds up the potato. Not?
Depends on if it is a fingerling or a yukon gold.
For some reason, in my head, I thought that the “sore butt” eventuality called for the good Doc to hold up a toilet brush, and that a potato would be inappropriate.
I give up. How did you get a 3:52 pm comment sandwiched between a 6:24 am and a 6:55 am comment?
Ah! I see now the space time continuum thingy is shot again.
“Potato Surprise!”
That’s one surprise I never want to encounter in my life.
How does one exactly know how a hot potato in the rectum feels unless…
Forget I asked…
Suzie……for you
Not nice. (I thought you put the butter in the potato not the other way round!)
Sorry!
Well, you know, I’ve always wondered what it was like to be a potato…
hitler appears to be a bit cracked.
you did know I was intending to have that pineapple for breakfast, non?
Wipe off the stains, eat it. And stop whining! When I was your age I didn’t even know pineapples exist! I ate poo – and I was grateful! Now get off my lawn!
everybody knows that only pee-nut butter goes well with chocolate, not pineapple.
S*G*U*
Swedish Gravedigger Union?
Soiled Grandmother’s Underpants?
Sad Grappling Unicorns?
Seven Great Umbrellas?
Sinister Gherkin Usage?
Several Grumbling Ungulates
Society for Incorrect Acronyms?
*waves to Christopher*
HAHAHA!
I stole that one.
…and by “that one” I don’t mean Obama. I did not steal that man. Mr. Obama.
Don’t be sad. I HAHAHA’d with a lot of your previous jokes. For example, there was that one when, …err… No, that was Moomin.
*tickles*
Gotcha!
*Waves to Arthur Eld”
Hi Arthur
Put on some clothes!
No thank you, It is no pants day
Seven Giggling Undertakers.
Shaky Gnomes United?
Sneaky Gifted Ninjas?
OMG FAIL FAIL FAIL!
WTF happened to my brain just then????
The ninjas messed with it!
Special Glitter Unit
*does jazz hands*
Serial Gangsta Unicorns
Severly Grinded Uterus.
Spud Gastrointestinal Ubiety.
Seven Gnus Underwater
I’m ascared of that thing. Let’s keep moving on.
press the button.
it’s over there on the right.
I’d like to stand on the parkin lot next to the door and mime a wall.
eeeeeeek Mime!
*runsawayinthewind*
Get out of the wind! You’re heading right for the wind turbine! You’ll get all chopped up!
Good morning csassf.
Are you a Doctor czuhc?
I’m pretty sure one does not go to a sailor if they want their rectum examined.
.
My god, that sounded wrong.
Ok ok ok now you can get out of my throat GBF. I didn’t know or what kind.
A physician.
B philatelist.
Potatoes (piled) Higher (and) Deeper.
General practitioner? czuchc
A mere captain.
*snork*
I read your name as: Captain Practitioner of the Corporal Proctology Czuhc MD…
*giggles*
I thought that was more Judy’s department…
I initially thought the same Suzie, especially regarding the location of the patient’s complaint.
IT’S THE STARGATE !!!!!!!!!
It’s square, man. Must be the 1960’s model.
Ya I think so to. Not realizing the time/worm holes flows through better in a circle. That’s why we have round clocks.
Have you looked behind it? Perhaps it’s the prototype of the “Iris” system.
Yaaa come on mystraven lets go behind and see?
Ha! Ha! Wait….what?????????
That junkyard dog sure needs a big door.
Psssst there is no fence I think we better walk around.
no, no, no!
I will not pet your dog!
What? what I am not asking you to pet my dog! You are painting a bad picture here! *5 eagles slinks away*
I’m more intrigued by the amount of cables at the top O.o
It would actually be difficult for an average car to get in with out the password.
Everybody knows it’s “Open Sesame”.
You misspelled “Open Says Me”
*snickers*
Actually I meant to say “Mellon”.
With a mellon?!
Yes, with a mellon, my friend.
Do you know, the Mellon man?
PEDRO!
.
Actually I meant to say “Edro”.
OMFG photoshoped
YA LIKE TOTALLY!
not quite: seen things like that in multiple cities.
More like a “What do you mean that cheap security gate we ordered, no exchanges or refunds, is a garage door, not a swinging gate (or bar)?” Fail.
Let’s see someone get their car under/around that door, with those curbs, they way they do often with the bar-type security gates (or ram through it, for that matter)
Plus there’s the added benefit of being able to order remotes set to the code of the door for all the parking lot subscribers – much cheaper than installing & maintaining a card reader.
Your God is furry?
Frozen?
French, peut-être?
Flashy?
Frothy?
I am pretty sure this is in Toronto, Kensington Market area. I recognize that parking lot!
Glad you told us cuz I was going nuts trying to figure out where it was located.
I tried finding it on Google Streetview, can’t see it. Can you give us street names?
Next thing you’ll know is a SUV crashing through that door.
But… I changed my avatar… Where is it?!
Check WhoaNellie’s pockets.
Whoa RY! Welcome back!
Hello muffin!
Mmmmmmm…chocolate chip muffin!!!!
She is more like bananas and nuts, if you know what I mean.
*nods knowingly*
I do Ry.
I certainly do.
You did Ry?
And didn’t leave a tip
I did too. I told you the shade of red lipstick has too much of a blue hue for you.
Thanks for the tip. I’ll have to remember that.
That’s what I said to the last guy I dated. He was 6′7.
He gave you a tip afterwards? How… gentlemenesque.
I’m 5′2, that’s all he ever gave me. budumtish!
These US size measures tell me nothing. He was tall and you are small?
I live here and they mean nothing to me. Soooo confusing.
I’m only about 6′ but it’s not the length – i mean tallness that matters right?
Once you lay down, it really doesn’t matter anyway.
Manuel, what are you doing with that odd name? And why do you keep humming “Braaave Sir Robin”?
I… want to be braave Mr. Fawlty! Braave like Sir Rhobin!
I see. Now, get rid of that rat. The inspector’s about to arrive.
Noooo Mr. Fawlty! Please! It is no rat! He is a good pet and my best friend! Polly, help!
I don’t care! It’s filthy, and this place is going to go bust if the inspector finds it! What is it you named it? A Siberian hamster?
Animal cruelty?
Let’s hope so.
*throws a conniption fit*
*at AE*
Potato conniptions? They look more like latkes to me.
Hello Ryannon I am 5 eagles!. You are related to WhoeNellie?
Armageddon! Oh wait, that was a gerbil. n/m move along.
Hee!
Yes, very good Sir! A Siberian hamster. Fine Mr. Fawlty… I will do so…
*pats his pet*
It’s like stargate without the crew
It’s like peanut butter without the jelly.
It’s like Afghanistani elections without fraud.
It’s like the tic of a clock without the toc.
It’s like Rick without the Roll.
Your car might get robbed or vandalized, but it won’t get stolen from this lot unless they’re willing to risk major damage to the tires/undercarriage to get it out. I’d say this is an example of doing a good thing badly.
Please use the front door.
I thought you were male?
So it’s true? He does tell you what to think?
My cultural heritage forces me to think whatever someone with a rank as high as emperor tells me to think.
So does mine, but that’s because our politics are full of bumbling old fools who wouldn’t know what the vox populi was if it was dangling in front of their confused faces.
We’re not confused. We make faces because we are constipated.
Nothing a properly placed hot potato won’t fix.
Hot potato?
How sadistic!!!
I love it.
*glances @ Arthur*
Only on days that end in “y”. (Full name)
Seeming as I have caused you confusion I shall shut my front door. Um, my mouth I should say…
Oh, that’s your front door? I see.
Yea, it opens and closes, but unlike the above door has a better security feature, other walls.
‘cus no car could possibly scale the 6 inch curb….I mean wall surrounding this “Structure”
Damn! They’re closed. What time do they open?
We open 24/7
We close 24/7
Come again!!
It’s very artistic!
Security upgrade. The gate and hedges were replaced to keep pace with urbanization.
Not a door fail.
Out of everything here, the door itself is definitely the least fail…
wonderwoman house?
why people is puting here this fake photos?
Now all we need is a mime on the other side faking a wall.
Now all we need is a mime faking a wall on the other side.
“911 whats your emergency?”
“Someone stole my building!”
“Sir are you on drugs?”
The door is a Win. The overall building security fails.
the park’s besides have a laser.
It keeps out the lowriders and CRXs.
That is a portal… One better left closed
Not 100% sure this is my submission, but I sent this in several months ago. This door is in Far Rockaway, NY, but I cannot remember exactly which street it was on. Anyone want to try to find it with Bing’s bird’s eye maps, or Google Street View?
Never mind, I am 100% sure it’s mine. I just dug up the photo on my computer, it was taken on 4/6/2009 and submitted shortly thereafter. It is at 1032 Beach 21st Street, Far Rockaway, NY. So there’s a 1/2-year queue here? Golly.
That is a overhead view of the address marc gave.
Border Security Spokesperson: “why is this on FAIL? looks secure to me”
Projected whith windows
What?? That’s a great security door. Just put a sturdy wall on either side
Maby there just trying to keep stupid people out
Everything is safe now