Dating Fail
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Now, that is desperate!
Greedy – should have just asked for one cop.
…with her arresting voice.
I hope her jail house rocks!!
I think that should warrant a date if nothing else.
is that the hunchback from the movie 300?
Yes but I just wanted a
man inuniform.Why didn’t a felony’d need her as much as she needed him?
(oops – too much ‘need’ there…)
You knead to stop that.
Ow! I feel like I just got kneed.
Here, have a joint. You’ll forget all about it.
*elbows Brewski*
So this is where all the hip kids are hanging out?
Yeah, we all knuckle down and get really serious about our holeplay pornychat here. :[
Keeping up with all this holeplay pornychat is a tough burden to shoulder.
tounch burden?
*boops zooomy on da nosey for ruining pun-run*
We’re jawing here!
Kick him in the shinny shinny shin.
*shows zooomz to the PunRunBreakerNaughtyCorner*
Stay here and think about what you’ve done.
*cranes his neck to see if Leila stays there too*
*sucks thumb and twirls hair in naughty corner*
Leila, can you let zooomy get out of the naughty corner, now? She’s repetent…
Oh shit! Sorry I forgot to tell you to let yourself out once you’ve thought about what you’ve done.
Have a chocolate chip cookie.
*presents zooomz with freshly baked cookies in a jar*
NOBODY puts Baby in the corner!
Who is the BABY and whose BABY is it?
*bites nails*
Leila, one of these days we’re going to sit you down with some popcorn and show you all the movies you’ve missed in the last couple of decades, or so. When do you think you’ll have a spare elebenty hundred hours?
RIGL LGB! I have a co-worker I’ve affectionately nicknamed “cave girl” who has also missed most every movie out there (NOT just over the last couple of decades either). I’ve heard her using lines from Airplane without any idea of it’s origin (she heard others using it …). She’s never seen any “horror” flick of any kind (absolutely no zombie movies
), never seen Ghostbusters and once asked me what a “Caddyshack” was. It’s especially funny considering she’s a South Park fan – I swear she doesn’t get half the jokes because she hasn’t seen the movies they’re parodying.
LOL, ZA! I was completely floored when Leila said she hadn’t seen Star Wars and didn’t know who Yoda was. My jaw literally dropped. I really didn’t think there was anyone left in the universe who hadn’t seen it…
That was for real? I figured it was a joke I wasn’t getting!
Nope, it was sincere. She said she wished Gaynorvator had been there to commiserate with her, because I guess he “refuses” to watch the Star Wars movies, also…
Did you judge that wrong?
*squeeze*
My jury is hung. Is yours split?
*squeeze*
Order in the courting!!
I would like a corned beef on rye and a diet coke please.
I am not going to go there.
You’re the first to say no. The first of many.
Into every Ry a little corned beef must fall.
Is this some rye humor that I don’t get?
I was wondering the same thing. I don’t want corned beef on rye, I just want a grilled cheese sandwich.
*arrives with grilled cheese sandwhich*
Where do you want it, Brewski?
Oh gawd…not going there, either!
*covers the children’s eyes*
Awww, mom!
*tries to see around hand*
*Puts entire thread in back room of video store*
I can’t believe Brewski didn’t reply.
Someone take his temperature!
*gets anal thermometer ready*
Sorry, LGB, I guess that one left me speechless.
LBG go to red carpet fail and find one of my comments (I forget which one is the right one. But it’s right about when we start talking about grilled cheese sandwiches. FOLLOW THE LINK. It’s surprisingly work safe, but you’ll never think of a grilled cheese sandwich the same!
That blog is hilarious, Avis — I’ve seen it before. Pretty popular, I’d say. I would think that a lot of people now use this euphemism just because of it!
We never use euphemisms or innuendo here.
I’d testi[cle]fy to it.
Just try to be brief about it.
Closes the case shut!
Two girls, one cop?
*Barfs*
*hands Marius a ShamWow*
I’m not cleaning that up.
Id hit that
Go for it, she should be available in about a year or so, depending on the judge.
The judge? What’s his name? Is he cute?
Is “he” cute? Whaddafu?
*hands MRN ♂♂♂♂♂♂♂♂*
Perhaps I really did steal too much before!
Shhhh… I’m channeling the woman who called 911.
… not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Well, I guess it’s okay to be in touch with your feminine side. Just as long as you don’t start whining that you’re too old and unattractive to find a man at your age…
I am starting to collect cats and hang plates on the wall. Is it too late already?
Sorry, I got that backwards – I’ve been collecting plates and…
Hmmmm. Do you cry when you watch “The Way We Were”? Have you started peeing sitting down?
pffft – I cry when I watch an Adam Sandler movie.
And I’m happy if I start peeing before I fall asleep on the toilet.
You’ll be fine, then. Call me when your periods stop, and we’ll talk about some hormone replacement therapy.
If I said it without whining, would you hold it against me?
*pinches ZA’s cheek*
*part of cheek comes off in fingers*
Not, you — you’re ALL zombie!
*puts cheek part back in place with super glue*
*staples cheek just to be sure*
There!
*duct tapes cheek just in case*
Well, ya never know.
Duct tape is like the force,
It has a light side and a dark side
and it holds the universe together.
Plus, it kinda matches your skin tone.
*literally LOLing*
Let’s be clear that only men live in the universe ZA is talking about.
WHO STOLE MY DUCT TAPE???
And geez…didja have to use the sparkly stuff?
Since they used it on ZA, I think you still have a lifetime supply.
Jon stole your duct tape!!
*runsFarFarAway*
Oh shi- That was your duct tape?!
@ Dragon, I swear to god, I’m going to find sparkly duct tape and send it to you! I’m sure some company somewhere makes the stuff! Would you want pink, or purple?
Oh Dragon, you gotta see this! Sparkly tape(s)!!
Clickie! And completely work safe.
If the link works.
The Mythbusters did a whole hour show on duct tape. They lifted a 4 door sedan using 99 strips of the stuff (the tape ripped after a few minutes, the adhesive held strong), they made a boat out of it and they even made and shot a cannon out of nothing but duct tape.
But I ain’t never seen no sparkly duct tape. Until now.
That.
Is.
So.
Cool.
She should have started a fire and waited for the firemen. Everyone knows they are usually way cuter than cops.
Well if she did that, after they locked her up for arson, both the firemen AND the cops would know where to find her.
And if she’s so inclined, those delightful women from cell block H.
Not only when she’s inclined, but probably just about any time she bends over.
*looks around for Judy’s E.T. finger*
*follows with a vat of disinfectant*
And even if she’s not so inclined.
ppoo you
EXACTLY! I knew you would catch on.
Speaking of firemen…how’s Lunchbox? Do you guys still talk?
Not in a long time.
Perfect solution – then after the fire is put out, you probably need an electrician, a plumber, an interior decorator, … (well, scratch that last one as a potential date).
It’s like a 911 Dating Game. All we need is that guy with the hair that doesn’t move, a leisure suit and 3 stools and we are set.
She may be a pendulum?
The EMT’s could be contestants!
Police = c0ck blocker.
Woman can’t get any to save her life.
I’ll bet the paper boy is saying, “Oh wow, why didn’t I ever ring the doorbell?”
So are the meter readers for her area. And the cable guy.
Or even the bible people. They need love too.
*GMTA-squeeze*
*brewski refresh FAIL*
But they so rarely recognize just how badly they need to get laid.
Well then, it’s our job to unite and show them.
I don’t teach.
Those who can’t teach, do?
What can I say? Rooster’s a happy guy!
How happy is he?
Very happy! Most of the time anyway.
I just love new relationships!!
I’d be even happier if this continues to become a lengthy relationship!
What are you waiting for girl. Make it happen!!!
I am sure it’s easier said than done and I am no relationship expert but just wanna see you stay happy.
I’m working on it. Mostly by not pushing things. This trip to St. Louis is a good step though.
*hopes things continue to go well with Avis & Rooster*
*is looking forward to things developing with PT*
*squeezes Gracie*
It’s a fun stage to be in, isn’t it?
Wait till you marry who you’d consider to be your best friend.
My cat’s just not that into me.
Maybe you are not scratching the right spots MRN.
*scratches MRN’s spots*
Um…Gracie, actually MRN is supposed to scratch his…um, never mind, carry on.
*click*
It definitely works on Jehovah Witnesses. I had a pack come to my door one fine Sunday and now they are practicing Catholics.
ROFL!!! It’s like jumping from the pan straight to hell.
But with the added protection of guilt from touching your NoNo/HooHah when you were little.
Awesome!!!
*plops BOB on the desk*
I feel liberated!!!!!! Got any batteries?
Leila! You can’t do that here!
*puts up privacy screen around Leila’s desk*
*boops Brewski and MRN on their collective noses*
Quit trying to peek!
Darn!
*takes video camera and walks away*
Hey, LGB didn’t mention you, Scott!
Scotteh is neaky like that, it’s why I won’t have his internet baby.
*stops what she is doing*
Hey! What’s going on over here? There is nothing to see. Move along…move along!!!!
eBaby sounds fabulous Ry. You won’t have to deal with the pee and poo and throw up IRL. Just do it!!!
Yes, I’m quite neaky.
I don’t want to have anything to do with any eBaby’s. You can never be sure of what you’re going to get, even if the seller has an high rating and 100% positive feedback.
Scotteh, you know you are unique. You wait until the girls aren’t looking and then unique up on them.
You must be mistaking me for someone who isn’t married.
Practice makes perfect, as they say.
I was a practicing nudist but kept getting arrested. That saying doesn’t always apply.
*ponders*
Is “pack” the scientific term for a group of Jehovah’s Witnesses?
I think it’s a “stoop” of Jehovah’s Witnesses.
Or a front step?
Nah. I’m sure it’s a “pester.”
Oh bingo – we so have a winner here!
I like that one!
Let’s see, “murder” is a group of crows, “pride”- a group of lions, “clowder”- a group of cats.
Maybe gang? Mob? Infection?
I thought a group of cats was bitches.
I think that’s a group of cougars.
ROFL!!
^5 Avis.
*RIGL*
The mascot for my daughter’s elementary school is a cougar. The school is now selling t-shirts for the kids to wear at school on Fridays (school pride and all that) — and also for the adults. My mother was thinking about buying one until I asked if she really wanted to run around town with a shirt telling people she was a cougar.
She decided not to buy a shirt.
But if she’s sexy…
Years ago, yes – she was sexy & could have pulled it off without a problem. Now it would just be disturbing and creepy. She’s in her 70s, and is more “cuddly-looking” than your average cougar. That, and she always had a thing for older men rather than younger ones.
Awww! Your mom just wanted to show she was proud.
(*snerk*)
Oddly enough, the order form came in right before a CSI: Miami episode that dealt with cougars (yes – the naughty kind). She said she was quite glad she saw the show before ordering a shirt ’cause she didn’t know what a “cougar” was before that.
She’s tremendously proud of her granddaughter, as she should be — she can just show it in different ways.
Afterwards they had to enter the Jehovah’s Witness Protection Program to avoid retaliation.
Nothing scarier than a stoop of JW’s coming after you with pitchforks at night lit only by torches. It’s scary.
Yes, but is it scary? I mean really, really scary?
No, I exaggerated
We haven’t met yet, Ryannon.
I’m Little Girl Blue. Nice to meet you!
*sticks out hand to shake avatar*
GASP!!!
Why would you do such a thing???
Oh the horror!!!!!!!
Just bein’ friendly. I wasn’t gonna make it a man-shake — just one of those girly-half-a$$ed ones…
I don’t shake. It’s frottage or nothing.
Hehe – at first I read Leila’s response as being to LGB’s offer too.
I don’t quiver. It’s fromage or nothing (especially with apple pie).
I don’t shake. It’s Fribble or nothing.
Sorry, I meant that for Ry LGB. You go on shaking whatever it is you are shaking.
*shakes money-maker*
*shakes groove thang*
*shakes head*
*shakes shake*
If you’re going to be a Shaker, LGB, could you make me some furniture?
I’d be glad to, my eye! What do you need, specifically? Do you have a wood preference?
You rang?
Umm … what’s the one with the leaves that are sort of regularly veined and the veins go right out with sort of umm …
…maple!
*busily turns wood on lathe*
*hums a tuneless tune*
*chips fly everywhere*
*takes wood off spindle*
*presents eye with penis-shaped lounge chair*
Well? How do you like it?
That’s a swell piece of work.
Hmmm, the back rest looks kind of stiff.
And it’s very…erm…erect!
I like the use of testicles for arm rests. Nice tounch.
Great, a piece of furniture the brings the nuts out of the woodwork.
Does it come in different colors?
Wouldn’t it be hard to come in different colors? Impressive — but hard?
I think that would depend on the different shades of lipstick…
*tries to bend the thread back into shape*
I was thinking of something more like a dresser. Maybe, for FailBlog, an undresser might be more appropriate,
“Hello, I’d like to talk to you about Jesus and the Bib-”
*ooof!*
“Aaah! Get off me! I just washed that tie!”
GRANDMA!!! What are you doing? Get off that poor man. Put your dentures back in your mouth, right now!!!!!!
I apologize for my grandmother. She thought you were the police.
*snork!!!*
There are three of those guys on bikes with white shirts and ties that prowl my complex. One is really cute. If I could just lure him away from the other two, I could probably convert him to the dark ways of paganism or my bed, whatever is easiest.
Throw a nail strip in front of his bike one day right in front of your door. Act all surprised and invite him in to pump it…
You came up with that plan awfully fast there, Leila!
That’s a much better idea than I had, Leila. I was thinking more of a clothesline type of setup…
They took Leila’s clothesline away, she kept finding inappropriate uses for the clothespins.
Ow! Just thinking about what those uses might be hurts!
It’s the kind of pain that renders pleasure Avis. Totally worth it.
How about if I just take your word for it? Please?
Sure Avis.
I am just wishing I could add the words “…or so I hear” to my comment above.
*adds words appropriately*
*ignores them anyway*
So that’s where the ignore button has been hiding..
Sounds like the voice of experience?
I am just helping my FB girls.
There goes another innuendo machine.
I didn’t think we had any of those left!
We’ve pushed them pretty hard, but them suckers still got some juice left in ‘em, I’m sure of it!
…Annnnnd there goes another one!
It’ll be at leas’ two ‘ours till she’s fully operational cap’n. Tha’s the best I can do, but she can’na take another blow like tha’ one.
Dammit, Jim! I’m a doctor not an engineer!
Switch to maneuvering thrusters.
And another mushroom shaped cloud appears over Failblog.
Yuck! Klingons!
♫ Psssshhh – pump it! Pump it good! ♫
♫ Psssshhh – pump it! Pu-pump it real good! ♫
They’re Mormons. They like it in groups, esp. one man, many women. But you’ve all got to be married, first.
And the proper term for a group of religious folks is a congregation. Or a choir, depending on if they’re singing for you or not.
*facepalm*
How you get them to sing is, of course, up to you.
You’re preaching to the choir, PD.
Cuz you needed the money?
Yeah, I know. But it’s fun! “Let us all turn to the Song of Songs…”
Purple Rain?
Not exactly. Horniest book in the Bible, Also called The Song of Solomon. Read it some time and be amazed.
My fingers catch on fire every time I touch the Bible.
Wear gloves?
Song of Solomon is worth the read – I recommend asbestos gloves in cases like Ryannon’s
WN knows me too well.
♪ … because the cops don’t need you and man they expect the same. ♪
(Favo(u)rite Dylan line of all time.)
“Honey, to be perfectly honest with you, this is indeed an emergency. There are cobwebs formed around my vag!na and not just around Halloween time. I need a man!!! Can’t you understand that? It is an emergency!!!
Born again V!rgin huh?
If Mary can claim…um, …
*fleesWithLotsOfFastness*
That V¡rginity Soap really works!
…not so far.
Well, did you…
*whispers in LGB’s ear*
Leila! I’m surprised at you! I’m not THAT kind of girl!
I think that constitutes an emergency. There should NEVER be spiders anywhere NEAR that!!!!!!
unless…..
No Avis is right!
*goes to fetch mind bleach for self imposed wrongness*
She was caught in her own web of lies.
Oh what a sticky wicket.
Tangled, even.
In this case, she might catch more flies with a little vinegar.
Mixed with water?
Yes, and a bit of BaconLube™.
*takes her honey far, faaaaaaaaaaaaar away from this conversation*
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. I know more than a couple of cops that pull women over just to talk to them and find out who they are and then “let them off with a warning”.
That is just wrong on sooooo many levels. And creepy.
You haven’t met my french teacher…
No-one in my class is over 16.
*dials 3333 to meet some cute firefighters*
*walks in wearing yellow suspenders and red bikini with a yellow hat and red stillettos*
You rang?
Woot!!
*runs over to gas stove*
*ignites pants*
Help me!!
Stand right there!!! Don’t move!!!!
*runs to Brewski*
*trips and falls face down*
Stupid stillettos. Hold on. I am coming…
It does explain why she’s wet without having turned on the hose yet.
Oh, I’m pretty sure his hose is turned on…
You haven’t even arrived and you’re already coming?
Hurry up!! I forgot my thermal underwear today!
*in an English accent*
I am arriving!
I am arriving!
*exhausted faint*
*fans Leila with hose*
*lights cigarette using smouldering remnants of pants*
Was it good for you too?
Oh man! You made me lose the afterglow after lighting that cancer stick. Put it out, go brush your mouth/teeth and gargle with something and we have to do this ALL OVER AGAIN. I hope you are ready.
Oh, all right…
*marches into bathroom*
My punishments can be very harsh.
*arrives wearing UPS uniform*
Who ordered the heavy-duty clothes line with extra pins?
OK, now who ordered the black latex?!?
Speaking of black latex, clotheslines, and other toys … has anyone seen Chan lately? I miss her.
*hands Leila fire hose*
You’re gonna need this…
I thought he was already hose equipped.
Is he gonna put himself out?!?
Wow…I would pay to see that.
Hose=pants in German. Appropriate.
Except that Brewski’s usually pantsless.
No, that’s his handle.
What does his spout look like?
*bends Brewski’s arm into kettle shape*
About like this, only not so stiff.
Um…that’s NOT his arm!!!
Shoulda let her find out on her own. They won’t learn if you keep telling them.
Woop!
I don’t see him complaining.
Hey there! How is everyone’s anti-kalou going?
I would say very well if only I knew what kalou is.
I think it is part of your gastro-intestinal tract.
It is?
Where is it located exactly?
Yours is in Houston.
*gives MRN an all knowing nod*
Oooh…
*is now depressed*
*head desk*
Can’t… breathe. Laughing… too…. hard.
Oy vey. I think my co-workers now believe I’m losing what’s left of my mind.
If you find it, would you mind terribly telling me where it was? I lost mine years ago, maybe they ended up near the same place.
*hands ZA a bag of marbles*
Does it look something like this?
A little, but I think mine were more colorful.
Is it big enough to contain a potato?
Shall we try?
Houston? Yes, it’s big enought to swallow and suck every bit of little joy you thought you had left.
Sounds like a girl I knew in high school, well the swallow and suck part.
Buahahaha!!!!
I don’t know if my anti-kalou has anything to do with the GI tract, but my Uncle George farts a lot.
Dubya is your uncle?
Yeah – makes you want to treat me with a little more respect, doesn’t it?
… or maybe the opposite…
Yeah, no.
He’s a player for Chelsea, we need a suitable defense.
Chelsea=we?
No, we’re defending against Chelsea.
Chelsea=’not us’
It’s Wednesday.
When you drive a car on a busy highway and reach a section that has almost no traffic, that’s a kalou. If you apply the term to the days of the week, the weekend would be the kalou. So Wednesday, the furthest day from the weekend, would be the anti-kalou. It’s basically another way to say ‘hump day’.
I like the way you think, Cloral. It’s completely screwed-up and backward, but it works — in an illogical logical sort of way.
Why didn’t you say so you silly goose!!!
*TackleSqueezesDryHumpsCloral*
Mmmm frottage Wednesday!
Damn! I wore corduroys today!
Gives a whole new meaning to friction dances being hot.
If I could guess, I would say it was WhoaNellie. He has done that to more than one woman on here.
He did the CaboWabo move on you too?
I thought it was just me!
He might as well dance, he will tap anything.
That’s one of the many things we like about him, though.
*sigh*
Yes. Yes you are right Gracie.
goodgawdamighty – I leave for a few to check out an informative website, and when I get back – omg omg.
On the other hand – it WAS a good website
And SOME of my FAILfriends stuck up for me!
*passes out Cabo shots to everyone*
Lime slices?
I’ll just drink mine out of your navel.
I can always hand you the lime slice after
Silly me, I thought we blamed everything on Arthur.
lol why not directly in the net.
I dunno – maybe the first shot got blocked?
Which video are you watching?
Video? I listen to this site on the radio while I drive to work.
Are you driving right now?
Look for me on tomorrow’s video Fail — aaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!
I wonder what phrase would power it. Hmmm…
It better not be a generic quote from a non-avatar’d non-regular. That’s all I ask.
If that happens to be the case, I will boycott and girlcott the fail and move on elsewhere.
Yeah! What she said!
*stamps foot*
*puts hands on hips*
*cheers for “girlcott”*
When I was in kindergarten many many whiles ago, people were trying to arrange a boycott of something (no idea what). I didn’t like the fact that it was called a “boycott” and started asking about “girlcotts.”
I guess I’ve always been a rebel like that.
*stands in admiration of feminine wiles and strength*
*fires up a good cigar*
Oh…so it’s MR CaboWabo. I hear you’ve been getting around.
*hands on hips*
*tapping foot*
*draws a delightful toke of Cuban Montecristo #2*
Wha??
Yum! I love a good Monte Cristo with a nice raspberry coulee and sprinkled with some powdered sugar.
*pulls up easy chair next to WN*
May I?
*cuts end of Cuban Cohiba*
*draws deeply*
*puts feet up*
*sniff*
I love you guys!!!
*weeps just a little in abject joy*
*wishes she had a Cuban Cohiba IRL right now*
I had one once, and it was the best cigar I have ever smoked.
*single teardrop dribbles down cheek*
If you ever get a chance, try a Cuban Montecristo #2 (pyramid) – IMO, and that of many, the best there is.
Sigh… been too long for me too
Remind me to tell you about achieving nirvana once…
I had a Cuban Montecristo, as well as a few other Cuban cigars, whilst in the Bahamas. Other cigars (read American) just pale in comparison. I wish they were legal here.
(Did you reach it while smoking a cigar or eating a grilled cheese sandwich?)
Nirvana, in my case, was attained while simultaneously
a) smoking a Cuban Montecristo #2 in one hand
b) sipping a Scotch and Soda from the other hand
c) having something “done” to me which shall remain nameless (with neither hand)
Likely the high point of my life.
For non-Cubans, try a Sosa cigar – there are places that sell 5 at a shot online. Best I know of that’s non-Cuban, short of Padron Anniversario which are WAY expensive (but not as much as Cuban).
Thanks, WN, I’ll try them.
*makes notes re: nirvana*
I tried to link a clickie, but it didn’t take.
Best cigar prices dawt comm.
And the nirvana was on a sunny outside deck
ahhhhhhhhhhhh, life is good sometimes….
You’re so very kind, WN. It appears the prices are really quite reasonable, too — better than local prices where I live.
*glares at LGB and WN*
Don’t you people know I have allergies?
*takes Brewski’s hose and sprays water on LGB and WN*
LGB, net prices are pretty much ALWAYS better – but you usually have to buy a box, or at least 5 in some cases.
If you know what you like (and have a humidor to keep them in) a box is the way to go – saves a lot of money.
And where I live there ARE no real cigar stores.
And now – back to work, alas…
Uh… Leila, that’s not water!
Don’t work that lass too hard WN.
I’d be proud to power you, sweetie!
*squeeze*
Aww, thanks Judy! And the odds are, you probably will.
Blogmonster ate my *squeeze* to Judy (or perhaps it’s floating around in some other thread).
*catches MRN’s floating squeeze and embraces it with joy!*
You can accidenty the net but NEVER directly.
The emergency is that she is completely desperate.
If you look it up, you will find out she was married however the cop was REALLY cute. But sadly, it was the end of her marriage.
I hope I am not that desperate when I am her age.
I’d like to say the same thing, but amend it to “I hope I am not that desperate, EVER.”
♪ Hope I die before I get old ♪
♫ When I grow up, I want to be an old woman. ♫
♫I don’t wanna grow up, I’m a Toys-R-Us kid!♪
She did get the cops to come back…if it were the same ones who were there the first time, isn’t it a win?
Maybe it’s not so bad in USA if stupid people go to jail.
But that wasn’t in USA, it was in Massachusettes!
What part of Massachusetts? – ’cause the Berkshires don’t count.
What? It appears to be from KONG TV, a Seattle station.
Rule #29: The Buddy System.
Alright.. Next time you call 911 make sure you set up a trap up front. So he can’t leave anymore.
How hairy?
Fur real, it’s everywhere except his sore ass!
*removes belt from trenchcoat*
*flashes Ry*
*runs away*
*wolf whistles*
Wow!! It’s Hairy. Where have you been?
Everywhere and nowhere, Really busy these days..
and how is everyone here doing?
I am good but suddenly feel naked. I just shaved.
You don’t look like you did, there is still some blond stuff on your head
Nice to see your smiling avatar again, dude!
*squeeze!*
Thanks, nice to see you to! *squeeze*
I heard that in the style of Bruce Forsyth.
*hairysqueeze*
Hey Hairy! Good to see you! I assume your ass is all fully recovered and hairy. And you’ve probably broken it 3 times since!
*Squeeze*
I don’t think I even want clarification on that statement.
> Snorkle C. Snorkleston <
Hairy is a skateboarder, and broke his tailbone many moons ago. And they shaved it before the surgery!!
*retreats into failcave to hide*
Haha, no I didn’t break it again
your comment did sound weird though.
Ah yes, I should know to read my post before hitting “Add Comment”!
I read it and did this:
Good to see you, Hairy!
*slaps Hairy palm*
Well this explains where all the InnuendoMachines™ went.
I think my innocence is well and truly gone now.
OMG, I didn’t even notice that! Now I’m ROFL’ing and can’t stop!
*high fives AA*
*looks around for Jon’s innocence*
Nope, sorry – I’m afraid it’s gone.
Our work here is done.
Aaaand cut! That’s a wrap, people!
*bell rings*
You called??
*hangs out with Dragon-belle*
did people die?
No, that was a couple fails back on the forklift fail. Do try to keep up.
Nothing like a lazy troll.
Geesh.
*
*pushes the woman formerly known as Leila ♀’s Button™
Did she try?
She lied.
*bukkits post*
I was referring to the fail, not Leila!
*empties bukkit in the sea of forgetfulness*
What he say?
Well she still got her ride with the policemen
Always looking at the bright side, huh Leo?
I don’t think he has figured out the difference between “ride with” and “ride on”
Sad. Just sad.
*hangs head in sorrow, hums “Time Warp” quietly*
That’s not the kind of ride she was hoping for.
What do you mean? It even included cuffs. It’s all kinky and stuff.
It may not have been as intimate as she would have liked, but a court appearance could count as a date … sorta.
Especially if it was in the Court of Appeal.
Where is the justice?
Around that blind corner over there.
I call BS on them arresting her, she’d just be fined.
The same sheriff’s deputy arrested her on charges of misuse of the emergency dispatch system.
It’s Oregon, the women are either lesbian or crazy out there. But have you seen the caliber of men there?
16.0?
More like a .22
LOL – I think you’re right, having lived there for a while
Us women in Oregon are neight carpet munchers nor crazy. We are LAZY however.
We dig a hole/trap in the ground, cover it up with leaves, lay on the botton and wait till a man falls into us.
OMG – you ever do that in West Linn? On or about August 23, 1995, at 10:00 pm or so?
ROFL!!!
Rhonda, is that you?
Seriously? I need to start watching out whenever I go for a walk in the woods…
Then she’d retaliate with sievel disobedience.
It really grates on them when the perps do that.
Judy I appreciate your zester for life, your joi de vivre.
I like how you don’t mince words.
I like it when we’re not pressed for time.
Plane talk is always best.
You’ve blended the elements of that pun together very well, Scott.
lol: 9-11. FAIL its not a date dumbass
You mean your phone doesn’t have an 11 key?
this video doesn’t make any sense, the dispatcher is the one who delivers the final paragraph incriminating the women calling.
So there had to be a second desperate woman on the grassy knoll!
I thought there was only ONE woman calling. There were more???????
….
╬
(_*_)
So there’s the shiny ignore button!
*flees*
*ticks*
*leeches*
*calls exterminators*
Seriously Gracie, you need to get that looked at..
I can’t believe no one mentioned the last line of the call used now instead of not. Another minifail within a fail.
She should have called the non-emergency number.
The department should have sent the their most desperate cop. Given their donut consumption, there probably would have been volunteers.
Everybody would have been happy.
Oh look!! It’s M again.
What the devil happened to the &, M, and S that I gave him/her?
Apparently he/she wasn’t too sweet on that name.
Left a bitter taste on its mouth.
You guys always start without me!
How long should we have waited?
You WERE the caretaker here, Mr. OGrady.
Now for totally unrelated news at elebenty:
Avis et al, do you know of a good pumpkin pie recipe made from scratch?
Are you talking from raw pumpkins? I’ve only done that once, and it was very time consuming.
Yes I am. I don’t like the kind that ‘glops’ out of a can.
What part of it was time consuming?
This was probably 15 years ago, and there was a bunch of us helping, so I can’t give you details, but this is what we did.
We took a few pumpkins, (sugar or “pie” pumpkins, not the carving type) cleaned out, peeled & cut up. Then we boiled the pumpkin for elebenty million hours.(At least it felt that way) Finally we pressed the pumpkin through cheesecloth. Then we finally made pie, and baked it.
Is there an easier way? Probably, but after that experience I’ve stuck to Libby’s.
Thanks! That helps me greatly.
Clickie for what looks like a much better, and quicker method.
Waiting for the pumpkin to grow.
That’s only 8 hours.
*boops AA’s nose for the silly (and funn but won’t admit it) answer*
Y, Leila?
*skipsawaywithaquickness*
Saaaankoooooo!!!!
Last year I did make pies from pumpkins that I grew. When a pie takes five or six months to prepare, THAT’S from scratch.
Pure dedication to your craft, coyote. I commend you.
*pins gold star on coyote’s … erm … punkin*
Here you go. This is the recipe I use for mine. Hasn’t failed yet. I’ll be making a least two this year. Already have the pumpkins. Use scratch made whipped cream for a topping if you can.
3 pounds raw pumpkin yields about 3 cups cooked mashed pumpkin. To cook for pie filling, cut into pieces, clean out seeds and mooshee bits. Peel. Cook in salted water for 25 to 30 minutes or until tender. Drain. Mash, smash and generally make smooth. I use a beater.
Oven 450 degrees
1 1/2 cups cooked pumpkin
3/4 cups sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 to 1* teaspoon ginger
1/4 to 1/2* teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 to 1/2* teaspoon cloves
3 slightly beaten eggs
1 1/4 cups milk
1 6-ounce can (3/4 cup) evaporated milk
1 recipe plain pastry or store bought
* Note on variation in spices. Use first measure for golden, mildly spiced pie. Use second for richly spiced pie.
Thoroughly combine pumpkin, sugar, salt, and spices. Add eggs, milk and evaporated milk. Blend.
Pour into 9 inch, pastry lined pie pan. Bake in a very hot oven (450) for 10 minutes, then in a slow oven (325) about 45 minutes, or until mixture doesn’t stick to knife.
For Pecan-Pumpkin Pie sprinkle with 3 tablespoons, or so, of chopped or whole pecans.
Forgot to say: Make sure that the pumpkins are ripe. No green on the outside.
Good deal!!! Thank you so much.
Since you are baking a couple mind if you add one more and just send it to me when ready? LOL j/k
Also forgot to mention to use Sugar Pumpkins.
Raw pumpkin is wonderful if you roast it in the oven rather than boil it, but you have to watch because it can go from GBD – golden brown & delicious, to burnt pumpkin-leather real quick. Roasting makes it easier to peel, too. Then you mush it with a potato masher, or in a food processor on low until you get a nice paste.
Thanks PD. I do like the option of roasting as opposed to nuking, boiling or steaming.
I’m still looking for a pumpkin cheesecake recipe! None of my pumpkin pie recipes are anything special, just very basic. And all call for the glop in a can.
Try sweet potatoes instead of punkin Avis.
The woman I walk with has an excellent recipe.
I know a good pumpkin cheesecake recipe.
The only one you know Ryannon is the one in your belly LOL.
(After you eat it, that s what I mean)
I think Avis is looking for it. I am looking for a plain one. Care to share anyway?
Misusing 9-11? I thought the was the Republican’s job. Zing! (You see, it’s actually 9-1-1)
Yeah, that didn’t escape my notice, either. It’s nine one one, not nine eleven. So 9-1-1, or just 911, but not 9-11.
Did anyone else notice that there was a fail within the fail? read the last sentence. it says “in now way” when she actually says “in no way” lol i just thought it was a little amusing
i saw that and was gunna post too haha..
Actually, I think she says “this is not, absolutely in uh way, shape or form…”
Some people are so sad :<
Hmm, I believe this was mentioned on Reader’s Digest.
wow.. that lady needs some peen.. STAT.
Well at least she enjoyed being handcuffed.
AT least she found a way to make them come back.
Yeah, I mean, it actually did work. (Wouldn’t it be hysterical if she actually did get the guy’s number after all?)
Has anyone mentioned the eerily similar 30 Rock episode yet?
highly classified material. top secret no boys allowed
i imagine she was like “YESSSS!!! arrest me bad boy!!!!! i was a naughty girl !!!” when the cops returned to arrest her.
This thing is old…
Well, we can’t all be as timely about posting things on Failblog as you are.
ahh, love the puns in failblog comments
I just have to know — when they arrested her, did she get his phone number???