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Cheezburger Network Blog
Happy Hump Day!
If only it lived up to its name…
*sigh*
I hit a speed bump on the way to work this morning. Does that count?
Depends were you commuting on the hump of whump?
I thumbed a ride on the seven hump wump of Mr. Gump.
V! *squeeze*
*squeeezie*
.
I need two monitors. One with fun stuff and one with work stuff.
That’s exactly what I do! Trouble is people are always walking by, and I have Failblog up on one screen!
*squeeze!*
*rides Mr. Gump’s seven-hump wump to the dump*
I have two as well…usually I don’t even care if someone looks.
I wondered what the view was from up here was like?
I so sad……..*5 eagles hopes for the best to turn out*
I am just wondering what you are trying to say. *shrug*
Tuna???
*purrs*
Ummmm…Oh, Look at that up there!!!
*points to the sky*
*flees*
*thinks of a different name*
I wrote a failblog plugin within my app for exactly such occasions
Were you sitting on a potato at the time, Brewski?
No, I only do that after work.
You could go whale watching.
yay greenpeace
I’d rather go fail watching.
Now THAT’S dedication.
we have speed bumps in my neighborhood, but the signs say speed hump so yes!
I prefer the term ‘anti-kalou’. I find it to be more accurate.
*happily humps Judy*
*sobbing*
*sniff*
*shakes leg, trying to dislodge Leila*
Hey! Somebody, help!!!
Soooowy!!!
Well, it was a little…unexpected!
It was for me as well. I don’t know what came over me.
That’s okay. These things happen. Here, have a roll of toilet tissue. I happen to have some extra.
*GASP!!!* All for me??????? Oh thank you thank you thank you!!!!
Someone blue stole some from the restroom VV there. Kinda looked like you but it may have been LGB or Ms B. We’re still reviewing the tape.
*looks at tape*
Hey…everyone on this tape is crying! What the HECK is going on here?!
Joint hormotional fest due to that time of the mon…
Um…I know nothing.
They all just found out what can happen to you if you have sex with an older man.
1900-740-3500. If you pause it just right you can see it. I dare ya..
lol the number is 1900-740-3500 or 9300 or 9600
Yeah 1-900-740-3500 pops up right before the end when they “fail” to keep the censor on long enough… haha double fail
i dont get the video
*sniff*
*hands Scott a tissue*
Thanks Judy, I just can’t believe how much I spent on that hotline. *sniff*
Where are all the good townspeople of Failblog? Still back on cake fail? This place is a veritable wasteland!
*WAAAAHHH!!!*
They just told me charged $69.95 to my credit card!
*SOB!*
Not really feeling the love on this one, either. Cake/cookie fail is much more fun….
I got given a “project” at work, but I think I’m going to go have lunch first. I’ll try to peek back later.
*squeezes all*
I know LGB!!! It’s sooooooooooo…BLAH!!!
I was hoping it was a funny fail in the end and I got let down … hard!
*tickles Leila*
Buahahahah!!!! Stopiiiit!!!
*wishes she didn’t drink so much water*
*runs to the little girl’s room*
*gets there first*
*steals all the toilet tissue*
*sneaksawaywithaquickness*
*grabs some toilet seat covers*
*goes outside*
*finds a bush*
…aaaaaaaaah!!!!!!
*reviews tape of hidden camera from the bathroom*
*notices a certain blue character*
*begins plotting revenge*
*steals hidden camera footage*
*runsawaywithaquickness*
*posts on Interwebs*
*posts on Failbook*
*posts on posts*
Uh-oh….
What’s this on my mug of Postum?
Plotting petty potty Vengence?
That’s how we roll, guan.
I thought we roll like this
They see me rollin’, they hatin’
Rollin’ rollin’ rollin’
Rawhide!
Ever heard the Dead Kennedys’ version of “Rawhide”?
*eats Tootsie Roll Pop™*
*lies down for a nap on the roll-away bed*
*walks into thread eating Rolo’s*
Want one?
How droll! Thanks!
*munchity-munchy-munch*
FIRST!!!!
Oh, damn….
Yes. Yes, you are. You can cross that off today’s to-do list.
wtf Can some1 explain me so i get on which bike this is going
reply plox
Once more, in plain English
I can’t explain you, L.iar. I don’t think even you can explain you.
Explains why he/she is a L.iar. Maybe not.
Did you check their NAME?
*desperately (and with great fanfare) attempts to explain L.iar*
*FAILs*
Never been a fan of fare.
hmm? you’re really very confusing…
*sobs*
*dials number of hotline*
Suicide Hotline
Hold please.
*plays Pink Floyd’s The Final Cut as hold music*
“Your call is important to us, all of our operators are currently having their brains eaten, please stay on the line”
I would have thought it more of a Doors moment…o/` This is the end….
No no… BOC, don’t fear the reaper!
at least that would be better than some of the places i have called to. They have a broken song, kind of like a DVD-menu.
Emo-Line! Call NOW!
1-900-INSULTS
or
1-900-YOMAMMA
Yo momma so fat…
…when her beeper goes off, people think she’s backing up.
…when she wears a green dress, people mistake her for a pool table.
…when she wears a yellow jacket, children think the school bus is coming
…she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac.
…when she rolls over in bed, she burns her ass on the ceiling light.
…she’s on both sides of the family!
…the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
I swerved to miss her and ran out of gas…
…her plot at the graveyard is the back 40.
…she took up two pages in her yearbook.
…she makes Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.
…she has to put on her belt with a boomerang.
…she wears two watches because she’s in two different time zones.
…when she jumps in the ocean for a swim, they issue tsunami warnings on the beach.
…she fell in love and broke it.
… the hairs on her head are an inch apart.
…her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.
…she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world.
…when she wears a red dress, all the kids scream, “HEY KOOL-AID MAN!”
…she uses the bathtub as a toilet.
Ha ha! Sorry kids! Barney must have been possessed for a moment! We all love our mommas, right?
she’s on both sides of the family…
BARNEY?!? AAAAUUUUUGGGHHH!!
*grabs baseball bat and beats Barney to a bloody purple pulp*
*stares around wild-eyed*
*runs away*
*grabs Gracie as she runs by*
*pries her mouth open*
*pours in one (1) small bottle of 1800 tequila*
*hands Gracie a lime slice*
Ack. Combo broken. Let’s try again shall we?
You mama so stupid….
…she thought a light saber was dietetic.
…she got her diploma from a Cracker Jack box.
…when she goes to the beach people start running round sreaming “save the whale!!”
…she brought 16 friends to an NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) rated movie.
…she keeps buying matchbooks, but hasn’t managed to light a match because they all say “close for safety”.
… when she saw a yellow bus full of white kids, she shouted “STOP THAT TWINKIE!”
Yo momma’s such a drunkard, the stench of beer is only drowned by the stench of *vomit* in her *beard*!
1-900 what?
1-900 WHAT
1-900-YOU-GULLIBLE-BASTARD
Dial now!
1-900-IM-CHEATING-ON-U
1-900-ITS-NOT-YOU-ITS-ME
1-900-THE-RASH-WILL-EVENTUALLY-GO-AWAY
1-900-YOU-HAVE-BEEN-CHOSEN-FOR-TERMINATION
1-900-THE-BABY-IS-YOURS-AND-IM-FILING-A-PATERNITY-SUIT-YOU-PIG
Lottery Commission Hotline.
1-900-YOU-ARE-NOT-A-WINNER
SUICIDE HOTLINE
1-900-CALL-US-BACK
1-900-BARNEY-LIVES
1-900-I-DIDNT-SAY-YOUR-SISTERS-NAME-BY-ACCIDENT
1-900-BARNEY-IS-EVIL
Awww, that’s not very nice, Suzie! You need to watch my show! I love everybody! And you love me!
Now come and give Barney a BIG HUG!!!
Ick! Get a-way!!!!!
Why don’t you DIE?!?
*beats Barney with the baseball bat again*
That’s right kids! And Barney loves you!!
♫♪ I love you, you love me!
We’re a happy family! ♪♫
Kill it!!!! AAAAAGH!!!!!!
*runs screaming out of the room*
Where is Gracie?????
GRACIEEEEEE!!!! The purple thing is baaaaaaaaack
*runs out screaming*
*ponders*
Gracie = Barney?
LGB!!! My goodness…you may be on to something here. How do we make sure?
I am very disappointed in both of you. To think that either of you would seriously believe that I am that purple abomination!
*sniffs*
*sneaks up behind Barney, not making a sound*
*taps Barney on the shoulder*
*savagely rips Barney’s head off with his teeth*
*sits in gore and consumes most of Barney*
*leaves a bloody, meaty mess behind as a warning to others*
*limps off, screaming incoherently*
*averts eyes from the bloddy mess*
Oh. hehe!! Good job ZA. ^5 … um, never mind.
*squeezeFromADistance*
Well…thanks, ZA…I think…
*sees bloody mess*
*thinks ShamWow™ is too small*
*finds power washer*
*gradually loses wild look in eye*
Thanks, ZA!
*SQUEEZEs ZA*
*walks away whistling*
*reminds everyone that Barney is now a zombie, despite it’s attempt to hide that fact.*
*will remember that Barney is now a zombie and will shoot Barney in the head with a shotgun next time*
Zombie eh? Oh Barneeeyyyyyy…
*Comes out from back room later with blood on hands.*
The deed is done
Never speak of this again
*eerie slow playing music ensues*
I hate you, you hate me
Lets hang Barney up a tree
With a knife in the guts
And a bullet through the head
Arent you glad that Barney’s dead.
*gust of wind carrying Barney’s laughter echoing faintly*
*shivers*
There’s a song about Barney that I love – it’s called “Let’s Send Barney to Jurassic Park”.
*smack*
why won’t you die!!!!
*hits barney with barrel of empty shotgun*
i’m going to grab the shovel now
*smacks barney with shovel but he lives*
1-900-740-3500 ???
*smacks jlue with handset for ruining pun run*
1-900-BRITNEY-SPEARS-HAS-ANOTHER-ALBUM-COMING-OUT
1-900-DONE-PUN-RUN–CALLED-NO-FUN
How’s my driving?
Call 1-900-EAT-EXCREMENT.
1-900-BUSH-RE-ELECTED
*screams and limpsawaywithaquickness*
WOMEN SUFFERING FROM HOT FLASHES
1-900-I-AM-HORMOTIONAL
@fluffy: I see your Bush and raise you a
1-900-PALIN-ELECTED-PRESIDENT-WITH-CHENEY-VP
*applies for trademark use*
*sets aside appropriate fees*
*runs screaming from the room with his arms wildly flailing*
You, GS, have been accused of copyright infringement. Just wait and see.
*goes to look for BFF*
SECOND INFRACTION!!
Three stirkes and you’re out, bud!
I don’t know GS. You really need to be careful.
There, there Dragon. Have a cookie. Cookies fix everything.
*gives DW cookies of the non spam variety*
*munchity-munchy-munch*
Fankoo. Much better. *om nom nom*
Hmmmm.
Aha! I know what to do!
*bakes big batch of chocolate chocolate chunk cookie*
*offers to all*
Cookies fix everything, Leila said so.
OMG!!! chocolate chocolate chunk cookie!!!!! I e♥ you soooooooooooo much!!!!!
*pops in*
I’m up for that!
*noms*
Thanks! For another cookie, I’ll tell BondFan I didn’t see a thing!
Ahhh, there’s no bribe like a baking bribe. Take as many as you like Brewski!
I believe that’s correct – looks like you looked it up as I did.
Couldn’t tell you if it worked or not since my provider blocks 900 numbers and this ran in the 90’s so it’s pretty old.
With the growth of the internet, I’m pretty sure 900 numbers kinda drifted away.
Better than 1-900-YOURE-WINNER
if you really want to know 1-900-740-3500 how ever you to will cry when you realise that you pay 2$ per minut for nothing
No. I don’t really want to know. Thank you though.
♪867-5309, 867-5309 …♪
*smacks ZA with shellacked mackarel*
You’ll just have to believe me when I tell you that ear worm is not as bad as the maggots crawling through my head right now are.
I’ve always hated that song…
You classify that as a song?
♪sno-rkle ♪
the number is 1 – 900 – 749 – 3500
i know for a fact thats the number lol
so i call this if i wanna be emo? YES I LOVE EMO
/wrists
I also like Elmo.
Oh, wait…
How dare you show emotions… Now you go right back to your dark corner and sulk ’til your soul is filled with emptiness!
*wonders how long it will take to fill something with the absence of anything*
I could show you, but I’d have to slit your throat. Believe me, you won’t like the experience.
yesss ♥ emo
What’s that number again?
1-900-beeeeeeep
Um, so that’s 1-900-233333337?
That’s so 1900s.
I heard it was coming back into fashion.
♫ Pennsylvania, 6-9000! ♫
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Are you making your “Oh!” face again?
Oh! Oh!
It looks like Marius and Brewski will need to take some modernity leave.
What’s Brewski doing in my bunk?
Of course…such a modern couple!
Still reaches the Hotel Pennsylvania in NYC
let me correct both of us.
That number (and the hit song) was PEnnsylvania 6-5000, not 9000.
Whoops, right you are! PE6-5000, or 736-5000.
*snicker*
There was a movie called “Transylvania 6-5000″ back in the ’80s. Funny stuff.
Transylvania, Pennsylvania; same thing.
Castlevania?
That’s also a Bugs Bunny cartoon, with Count Bloodcount. An all-time classic!
Abracadabra! I’m a bat!
Hocus pocus! Now I’m a bat too!
Abraca pocus!
Hocus cadabra!
Walla Walla Washington!
*squeeze*
I ♥ that cartoon!
*squeeze!*
Clickie!!!
*squeezesmooch*
Thanks. I needed that.
I still say “abracapocus” instead of the other way around.
Heehee. Don’t forget Ali Baba Bunny for similar hijinks:
“Open, sarsaparilla”, “Open, Saskatchewan”, “Open, septuagenarian!”
HASSAN CHOP!
Consequences, schmonsequences. As long as I’m rich.
“What’s with you, anyway?”
“I can’t help it…I’m a greedy slob!”
That must the the Loony Toon of the day. This is the 2nd fail it’s come up in.
failblog.org/2009/10/21/cake-fail-3/#comment-647616
My favorite Bugs cartoon…clickie!
Mine is Hillbilly Hare.
This one’s my favorite!
w w w .youtube.com/watch?v=snVoxwVSGhc
Heehee! That was a nice flashback. Talk about your fourth walls! There were quite a few more added for that classic.
I missed Looney Tunes discussions!
1 900 749 3500
i don’t understand this either
it could be that the voice over says $2 a minute and the subtitle says 52 per minute???!!!
That “5″ is a dollar sign genius!
I just loled in my pants.
No the subtitle says $2.
That’s just an opinion.
it’s the i just killed your family hotline.
damn iam curious now =(
It’s your health insurance company’s dispute hotline.
ROFFLE!
Hee! Hee!
I’ve got the HMO blues.
Homo blues?
Marius!!!!!!
I know. I know.
*sends self to the naughty corner*
Or homeowner’s insurance claims processing.
“Oh, I’m sorry, if you read your policy, chapter 82, section XVIII, paragraph 19, line 192, you’ll see it very clearly states that destruction by fire is not covered if the house is built with flammable materials! Have a nice day, and thank you for your business!”
“I’m sorry, your policy only covers Random Acts of Rabbit Squirrels. We apologize for the inconvenience. Have a nice day!”
Sorry, that’s not covered either… Rabbit Squirrels are an endangered species. Now if it was the Rabbit of Caerbannog…
Acts of God not covered?
*Feels smitten*
This is where I thought this was going, “…destruction by fire is not covered if the house is visited by dragons!”
You got DW on the brain, AA!
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
That’s so romatical…
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
See? SEE??? You guys – using so many “N”s on the cake fail – I knew we’d end up with a shortage somewhere. Now look what happened!
What happe ed?!???
*starts butcherimg m’s*
*passes aroumd the substitutes*
Great idea, ZA! I’m glad you ca e up with that idea.
Uh-oh, wait a inute, better rethink that one…
Oh erde!
*s ork*
*jumps up and down to insert an ‘n’ and avoid a spectacle*
Too late eh?
o.O
O.o
I don’t think that’s how you’re supposed to do that.
Damnit!!! Where is that FB manual? Someone steal it too?
Maybe Brewski used it to help write the FAQ.
*pulls out pamphlet*
It’s right here, see?
FAILBLOG A UALDamn. Oh well, I guess we’ll have to use the automatic instead.
*shakes monitor to make correction*
DAMNIT!!!!
Hey, when do you get your Etch-a-Sketch™ monitor???
I have it now but I think it has some kind of defect. Nothing happens when I shake it.
GRRRRR!!!!!!!
I think you should call them…here, I have the number:
1-900-SHAKE-MY-BOX
“This call just cost you $29999.95″
*sob* *sob* *sniff*
The number is:
900 740 3500
Stop calling me.
*Dials M for Marius*
Hello? What’s that? “Murder”, you say?
Oh, I’m sorry, I must have a wrong –
AAAIIIIIEEEEE!!!!
If it’s Verizon, it’s $0.002 per minute.
No, I think it was 2 cents per minute.
That’s your opinion.
*removes “No Soliciting” sign from chez chet*
*removes chez chet from the Do Not Call List*
Damn, that’s mean GS.
I can get the news for way less that $2 per minute.
I like you, chez. I really, really like you.
*specialHumpdaysqueezy*
Good afternoon madame. Interesting avatar you have there.
*Squeeze*
Thanks very much. It made Someone Nicer Than Jenny cry, and inspired her to make this comic:
ht tp://pixton.com/comic/m4w0lrfe
I saw that comic, it’s actually what made me take a closer look. Where does one find such things?
On the Interwebs, of course!
My avatar is a digital painting by Ray Caesar. Here is his website, in case you’re curious:
ht tp://www.raycaesar.com
Edgy indeed, and whatever would lead me to that conclusion based on the work I’ve seen?
*sigh*… As usual I get only a few minutes online between classes. I’ll be back for the evening shift more than likely, good luck madame.
♫ I got the news ♫
♪I heard the news today, Oh boy♫
I wanted to post that, Scott, but thought it would just look like a lame attempt to fit in.
It does.
(Hee!)
*squeeze*
Heyyyyyy…….
She meant it with much love.
I am BIG TUNA no more … someone was going to eat me up there.
Hmmm, I think we need a Failblog rules refresher course. People seem to be forgetting Rule # 15.
Rule#15: Bowling Ball?
Note that no cats were harmed in the making of this. Or so they claim, anyway.
Strike!
Sarah Palin’s Presidential campaign hotline?
I was waiting for a punchline that never came…
It beats a punchline that came too quickly and fell asleep after asking you to make him a sandwich.
Mrs. Starfish, is that you?
ROFL!
*RIGL*
1-900-740-3500 look from 00:35 in slow
1-900-740-3500 look from 00:32 in slow
TWO DOLLARS PER MINUTE???
*starts sobbing
*
*dials the 900 #*
*sniff*
*answers phone*
Welcome to Starfish’s Dial a Squeeze. How many squeezes would you like today?
*sobbing*
C-c-can I ha-have like-like t-t-ten s-s-s-ssqueeeeeezes
*delivers 11 squeezes*
Today’s special, buy 10 sqeezes get the 11th for free. So, that will be 46 internets, cash, check or money order.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Not for the 11th one. OK, for you half price.
*holds out jar for FailPeeps to donate internets*
*holds sign*
WILL WORK FOR FOOD – vegetarian only, salads must be organic and dressing homemade – bread must be whole wheat and organic.
ANYTHING WILL HELP
*walks up to Leila*
*puts Vegee Spam Cookie™ in jar*
*runsawaywithaquickness*
*revises sign*
NO Vegee Spam Cookie™ WILL BE ACCEPTED.
The living can be so picky sometimes.
*picks at maggots in arm*
*pays for Leila’s squeezes*
Here Leila, I’ll pay for those. SnoreKitty Breathe Right Strips™ have been selling well, I’ve got lots of internets. Have an extra *squeeze* as well.
Wow!! Thank you so much GS!!! I really appreciate it.
I guess that sex hotline needs to be a bit more upbeat?
*flees*
OK, that was really bad! (even for me!)
Sorry Leila!
*squeeze*
It’s okay. It’s a joke and I get it.
*squeezeBack*
I had a meeting with my staff and we are currently addressing the issue.
The sex hotline is so much better when the caller is crying?
Hlps those who like to feel dominant.
*insertsanEwithaquickness*
♫ It gave me such a thrill, when she ground me against her will ♫
buba® called. The hotliner told buba® that he was fired ;_;
buba® should not listen to the hotliner. The hotliner always lies.
Soviet Russia called. It want its jokes back.
Yay! They can keep them.
Now if we could only get somebody to take back all the “Did he die?” posts.
*gets broom*
I will.
Did he dial?
Is he on trial?
Walking the Green Mile?
*chases after AA with a shellacked mackerel, screaming hysterically*
We seriously need a Terribly funny Joke thingymabob, drum and cymbal style
*Ba Dum Chhhh*
Like this clicky?
*trips Brewski as he runs by*
*breaks his fall with her body*
*steals his pants as he’s falling*
*click!*
I am thinking DW Videos location is getting pretty full. She may need to relocate to larger facility.
I’ve expanded recently.
Well…not me personally.
ROFL!!
Did you have a GRAND OPENING and invite your FailPeeps?
No fibbing…I’ve seen your horizons.
Does anybody know what this actually was?
It was a callamity.
It’s beyond bellief.
It was an internationall scandall
*tries to find the pun*
It was dialabolical, that’s for sure.
*has some fried callamari*
*callibrates the pun run*
Phonedametaly unsound.
Who tries to cell sadness anyway?
Callous S. O. B.’s
Whoever it was, they weren’t a very smooth operator.
One ringy-dingy. *snork*
Time for the rotary club meeting!
its like thes get told this joke’:
what is the difference between heath ledger jokes and heath ledger?
the jokes can get old.
um… wut?
Considering that they were all white folks…
“A Black Man is President of the United States.”
You should apply for a job as an usher.
Thanks for the reality check Rizz. You must be a real riot at parties.
*now feels angry and dejected*
Hey!
Busted!
*flees in a panic*
*chases after Brewski with a flee collar*
*chases for fun and out of curiousity*
HOLY CARP they put that cotton commercial after that fail video on purpose right? because if i have to hear some country singer twang about the touch and feel of cotton one more time im burning all my cotton cloths and run naked thru the streets screaming.
HOLY TUNA! I hate that commercial, too!
Well you know what they say, you can tuna piano but you can’t tuna fish.
Sure you can, it just takes patience.
Yes…but, where does it take patience? Where do they go?
*sets up motion-activated camera at corner of 12th and Cotton*
Darn! I really thought everyone would go on a fish pun rampage with this one…
*walks away kicking rocks*
Hey! You kicked my rock lobster!
Don’t get all crab(by) about it.
Ouch! I think that rock you just kicked broke my shin! That was a crappie thing to do! I think I need a sturgeon!
Wasn’t me!! Was that little pike –> over there!
At least it didn’t hit him in the bass.
Quit floundering around and help!
I’ll krill help.
Won’t somebody help??
With friends like this, who needs anemones?
*brings a sting-ray of hope*
I whale have my janitors kelp.
Well, bless my sole! This plaice cod do with a good clean.
Well, I’m off to sleep. If anyone is looking for me, I’m in my haddock.
Damn, I was looking forward to this. Cant afford it though, considering I had to file for bankruptcy after being fined 1000 internets in the cake thread.
*wanders off mumbling about stupid copyright laws*
I reckon they’ve filmed some phone sex operators answering calls. They make realistic noises by sobbing and heavy breathing.
“*calls after seeing video* WHat’s that? I’m going to die now because I watched your video? Haha. That’s very fun-”
I am not pissed off.
I am pissed off, but I hide it really, really well.
*smacks Reika with a ShamWow™*
Did someone say ShamWow™?
Go chop your nuts, Vince…
…as we watch.
You’re gonna love my nuts!
Oh nuts where did I put that thing.
1-900-740-3500….this is the #…wow
Yeah that’s the number, a google search confirmed it. But I still couldn’t find a single result that explained what the call was about.
They probably rely on a customers morbid curiousity…
It’s the Microsoft Technical Support line…
*ROFL*
That’s one of the best ones yet!
*Cries*
*Laughs*
*Cries*
♪ Riiiiiiiiiiiiidi Pagliazzooooooooooooo ♪
All of a sudden, there’s a bad guy in a clown suit.
Where?
Pagliacci!
What th-*gets knocked over*
Hump de bump, baby.
*checks logbook*
*logs in the cheque book*
*writes self a cheque for a million internetz*
*Swipes cheque from Leila*
*Bounces all the way to the bank*
Welcome to hell. Would you like a complementary turn-down service?
Nothing in hell is complimentary – except the heat. And maybe the demons that sexually abuse you. But other than that …
saw the number!!! 1-900-740-3500
LIES!!!
FLIES!
*swats at them*
Why was a video accepted from someone with handle that is a thinly veiled version of the phrase “Nazi Power?”
can we get a gender check at 0:36??
i mean 0:27
DENIED!
GREEN-EYED!
LOL you can see the number at the end if you pause it right lol
all im going to say is that its 1900-740-35** lol check it for yourself
Wow!!!
ShamWow™!
Do you play WoW?
Yes! My race is Sham.
Class ShamWowerer.
“I am a level 80 Sham!
I clean up messes ALL across the land; big, small, short, tall. It is a practice my kind has… practiced for CENTURIES.”
I think I will go off and concentrate on work.
Please behave. *glances @ Brewski and LGB*
I might bring you back a treat if you do.
There is no behave.
There is only Zuul.
Zuul! I am the keymaster!
Are you the gatekeeper?
*quickly reburies self*
*accidently bumps into ZA while digging*
HAhahahhahaha! Behave. Good one Leila.
I was hoping.
We are being have!
*squeeze*
Sadly there will always be haves and have nots.
What makes you break down like that?
The phone bill, after dialing a 900 number.
*dials 800 number*
THIS!
This and … this!
censor Fail you can see the number before the vid ends lol!!!!!!!
Don’t fret it ain’t over yet.
1 900 740 3200
1 900 740 32oo what is it?
1-900 WHAT?! 1-900 WHAT?! I NEED TO CRY DANGNABBIT!!
1 phone call
9 calls of distress
0 help
0 confidence
It looks like the Cheezburger network is hiring. Anyone want to move to Seattle? Clickie
arrrg! Wrong clickie, try this one. *headdesk*
I would if, alas, the job paid more than the flight cost.
That, and I barely fufill any criteria whatsoever…
Are they hiring for a new fail selector intern? I hope they hire someone older than twelve.
*shrug* It just says “Moderators”, but the description includes:
“- Screening of incoming submissions (weed out X-rated or unsavory content)
- Moderation of comments (spam, trolls, etc.)”
How could you have an X-rated fail?
on second thoughts… Don’t answer that question
I’ve heard of a great X-rated fail, but I really can’t repeat it here. You know, young-uns and stuff. It involved … um … an accidental … well, you know, he was enthusiastic and then missed and went … um … where no man had gone before … she jumped and knocked down a large mirror … he was later arrested at the hospital for spousal abuse, despite her protests …
Oh, sorry. You said do not answer.
For just $8.75 per hour?
I mean, the poor people have to deal with us regulars, I would say the compensation has to be a little more substantial than just $8.75/hr.
*erie voice*
Your gonna die in 7 days.
Hi, you’ve reached Rachell Keller, please leave a message after the Tone
*erie voice*
You pick up the phone NOW! I have something very special to say t-
*beep*
Hello, oh Heyyy, how are ya? FOOLED you, leave a message after the beep.
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…
*disconnects phone*
What happend to the good old days when crying was something private?
Nowadays pansy-asses all over the western world have the need to cry in public without realizing that they’re embarrassing themselves as well as annoy the rest of the world with it.
To all those cry-babies out there, all I can say to you is: Suck it up.
And to quote my old man: “Quit your crying or I’ll give you something to cry about!”
*cries from threat*
Western world?
*looks at map*
Who are you talking about exactly?
erm…. Paraguay.
Oh … ok. Carry on.
*puts flame thrower and mallet away*
Yea, west from whose perspective?
Calm down love it’s only a comercial!
no replies? ok. that’s fine… *sob*
1-900-704-3500 is the number
Who would pay to get someone to make them cry?
Call 1-900-740-3500 to obtain a great benefit for mentally disabled personal guide to a successful career and future. You can help, and if you can read and are able to proceed through the first step you no longer need to contact our company. Thank You, and give yourself a pat on the back!
Don’t cry your only going to die.
Been there – done that. Next!
*old lady*
Can I see my husband?
The number actually is 1-900-740-300. Im not gonna call it because im in the UK and it will cost about £1000000000000000000000000000000000… I don’t have that much money.
[snobbery]
*puts on glasses, pulls out calculator*
Sir, no one has ever had that much money. The figure you have just named dwarfs the entire World GDP figure. The entire World GDP figures for the last 100 years. Combined.
The figure you have just named is 10^33. That’s almost 1 quadrillion pounds and then half as much again. [/snobbery]
YAYZ! Someone is still here with me! Has the rest of the FailBlog been going to bed earlier? ‘Cause when I started, everybody stayed up ’till the nines and sometimes even the tens. Now everybody kinda drops off at six, picks up again at seven, then passes out on the keyboard
I’m here and its 11:05 PM in here.
So…when do you go to bed?
Random times, but mostly around 10:00PM-12:00AM.
Hehe! I only just dropped in. And the other fail friends -… Crap, Mythbusters is on. BAIIIII!!!!
Oooooooohhh…
*Remembers days when CO had enough time to watch TV*
Damn homework…
…
Can I come over and watch it with you?
Depends. How far are you from Salem?
If you can make it here before the show ends, sure.
*Looks around*
Hold-Hold on sec.
*Lugs the teleporter out*
Okay, so 88mph for time travel…
Got any specific numbers that relate to Salem?
Wait, crap, I got my math wrong.
That’s almost (10^24)10^12. Much better.
my bad.
it is actually 1-900-740-3500
i’m still not calling it though.
WORST FAILBLOG ENTRY EVAH!!
Call 1-900-FU*************. Because that’s what your reaction will be when you get the bill for calling the number and you find out it totally wasn’t worth it.
More like Fail Blog Submission Fail
The original doesn’t have the beep or the censored number. Why does this one?
Idiot.
failblog did the editing. You can still find the original, its not logged under “hotline fail” though…
Not sure if anyone else noticed, but if you pause the vid at the right time, the box hiding the number disappears, and you can see the number…
Not sure if anyone else cared.
would somebody explain to me what I just saw?
I just saw that you in about half way.
This was a fail, but it was Entertainment Fail and Getting To A Point Fail. What was such a fail about making grown people cry? I relish the prospect of reducing my enemies to tears. It’s not so much the hotline that failed, but the poster of this article.
Is this zee fails?
Its great to zee here.
Tears of joy, fear, no. Tears of communication.
Rule #12: Bounty paper towels.
All contents of the bukit.
poor acting….Fail!
This is not a fail. This is a serious issue and failblog should take this down. This crying into the phone hotline stuff happens in South Africa and this is an important public service announcement message educating the public!
So someone’s making a business out of telling everyone when their childhood heroes will die?
Sounds… lucrative.
No, wait.
They told that old knock-knock joke to them, didn’t they?
I swear, some people just can’t take a joke.
You know, it could be one of those fortune teller hotlines? And by that I mean phone banking hotlines. I know I get pretty sad whenever I ring that one.
Yus, the original does not have the blurring and bleeping. You can find the original via google, as it was deleted off youtube.
Fail on the submission by Failblog.
it is indeed pretty stupid of them to bleeeep out the number they want people to call
You’d be surprised how stupid people can be!
1900 CUTING ONIONS
Aaawwwww…!
They’re so cuuute!
*pets an onion*
lol i can see the number as it fades out to the favorite comment… you may want to fix that…
We need ShamWows stat!
*Wraps ShamWows around defib*
CLEAR!
*ZAP! CRACK! SSSSSS!*
*ShamWows catch on fire*
HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT!
*Slams out of door then pulls Solid Snake pose*
Noooooooo! Before I die, let me think of a funny way to end this!
*gets more ShamWows to put out the fire*
You rang?
Contrary to the video, I am feeling quite better.
1-900-740-3500
1-900-740-3500
1-900-740-3500
CALL IT!!!!!
You can see it as the screen is fading to black. The gray bar disappears.
You have dialed “Dial-A-Dirty-Joke”.
A chick’n is standing on the corner. It’s a nice, lovely day.
Up walks the farmer, the owner of the chick’n.
The farmer says “good morning” to the chick’n – the chick’n says “good morning” to the farmer, and they stand and idlely chat for a while.
Suddenly, up walks a hooker. The hooker says “hey chick’n, how about a lay?” The chick’n says “not with my wife you don’t!”
You have dialed “Dial-A-Dirty-Joke.”
First Viddler itself was down “for scheduled maintenance” but longer than scheduled. Now the video is unavailable. And when Viddler videos are available, they are prone to failure.
The number was 1-900-740-3500! see it at the end of the video
Carnage! I found no sense behind the hotline!
One again Failblog shows an incredible lack of tact. Making fun of people with problems or depression is called social darwinism. Another example of social darwinism is Mein Kampf. Way to go failblog.
Sorry, but cruel mockery of people for weakness is neither a necessary nor peculiar feature of social darwinism.
Social darwinism is the theory that competition drives social evolution. The term “social darwinism” was introduced to describe how socialists invoked Darwin’s theory of evolution to support their system. Later, the leftist Richard Hofstadter ignored how the political left had done this, and used the term to wad-together various non-leftist thinkers, as if they were somehow fundamentally similar because they invoked competition in their explanatory frameworks. (In this way, Hofstadter could pretend that libertarians were not much different from Nazis.)
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeewaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Video editing fail, the number can be seen at the end…
1900-740-8500 (They faded the block out too soon).
Who wants to pay $2 to see if it still works.
The $2 per minute fee made me cry. Now I owe them $120 dollars.:(
WTF Stupid fail
1-900-740-3500
They are crying because they are paying $2 a minute like suckers.
EVERYONE CALL 1-900-740-3500
Censor-FAIL
the real fail is that they show the number at the end haha 1-900-740-8500
who would pay to cry on a phone line anyways
Nice – it’s a link to a phishing site. Blocked by Symantec Antivirus.
If you ask me, those people heard what they should have to pay when they dialed that number
does anyone know what this really is, all jokes aside?
the number actually is 1-900-740-3500 at 00:36
They’re crying because they probably were told that they would die in seven days.
O__0
yes. yes i believe you are correct.
Leila i am your Farther!
it’s the price that lets you cry^^
the number blocked out is 740-3500
Porn Add win!
“Oi, you. Yes, you. Everything you know, is a lie. You actually have cancer, and paranoid Schizophrenia. Your friends are coming to kill you right now. Get out, get out now, [insert client name here].”
The number is 1-900-740-3500. You can see it at the last second at the end
The number is 1900 740 3500 which you can see as teh screen fades to balck at the end. :36. If you are curious enough to call, dont it is soooo expensive. I have the answer right here. they are crying because it is so expensive. there. done.
is there even a point to that hotline…i mean seriously…who wants to cry like that?..
i know what it is… it makes you listen to rick astley’s song… that commercial came out as soon as that song came out… its the first rick roll.. and you had to pay to get rick rolled! :O ULTIMATE EVIL!!!1one!1!…. or im just lying and i have no clue