Parking Exit Fail
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Cheezburger Network Blog
If you don’t like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk!
…better stay on street!
*sigh*
just another jerk in a SUV who don’t know which pedal’s the brake…
Baseball is like driving, it’s the one who gets home safely that counts.
~Tommy Lasorda
Baseball is like safety – being (on) third isn’t as good as it gets, but it’s better than nothing.
~WhoaNellie
Baseball is like making love to a beautiful woman.
There’s a lot of fuzz but nobody understands the rules?
Three strikes and you’re out?
going deep!
If you knock too hard there’s no saying where your balls will end up?
depends on wether you knock up….
“The strike zone is a conceptual area extending from the midpoint between the shoulders and belt down to the hollow of the knee.” — That’s a lot of ground to cover.
never crowd park near an suv. you see what happens!
This is like Deja-vu all over again.
Oh, and I just want to tell both of you good luck. We’re all counting on you.
If you call me Shirley ONE more time …
I see you’re a bit Fuzzy on the right of way concept but you still have your curbside appeal.
*kicks tires* Looks good to me. Real good.
*looks under hood* Halloween boxers?
Ewww never
Oh, no! Not another one!
No sidewalk is safe!
*runs in and out of room screaming while waving arms*
*deposits proper internets into BFF’s account*
I believe this is the same SUV that crashed into the convience store for a Slurpee.
And the same one that crashed through the parking garage door.
*squeezes*
And the same one that crashed through the gate. Twice.
.
*hump-day squeezes*
*crashes through gates*
*squeezes all*
and the same one that crashed through the gate that other time.
But, I thought that one was a mini?
No, you’re thinking of the mini that crashed through that other gate.
Wait, wasn’t that other gate a volvo? Wow, too many car fails!
And they’re all penis-shaped!
Yeah, what does it take to get a good “truck crashing into a bridge” fail around here, anyway?? Sheesh.
One day this comment will power a fail.
*snerk-squeeze*
I hope that someday, this comment will power a real-life experience.
*waves magic wand*
*says make-it-true-someday incantation*
*squeezes fluffy, DW, and Arthur*
…and the same one that crashed into the bakery for a donut.
*runs in and out of room behind Ms B*
*flicks BFF wooden nickle and piece of lint over shoulder*
mmmmm donut.
are you sure he didnt just drop by for a car-amel
Now where’s a fireplug to be dislodged from the sidewalk when you need one?
Or maybe some guys carrying a huge plate of glass…
Don’t forget the sidewalk vendor’s fruit cart…and the baby in a stroller…and a huge pile of empty cardboard boxes
.. and the two guys carrying a huge glass pane across the street…
*squeeze!*
AAARGH! This isn’t even a refreshing issue!
Unless.. I actually meant the two guys carrying THAT OTHER huge pane of glass…
That’s okay…that little gaggle of nuns over there will distract everyone from the other huge pane of glass.
where’s the piano that’s about to fall out of the sky?
Dont forget the cook carrying a huge wedding cake..
.. and the guy that stepped in the window-washer’s bukkit, and now his foot is stuck in it.
dont forget the circus that happened to by pass
Look out! A huge weight overhead with “2 TONS” written on the side is hanging from a frayed rope!
shh, be quiet we dont want the rope to be more afrayed
*screams menacingly at the rope, hoping to scare it good*
*rope’s nerves crack, screams ‘Farewell world’ and cuts itself off*
now you’ve gone and dun it, haven’t you.
*2 ton weight falls down, crushes circus, rolls down street, kills guy with foot in bukkit, squashes cook, goes trough both windowpanes, rolls over cardboard boxes, flattens baby, ruins fruit-vendor (and the stand) before spectaculary dislodging fireplug*
*pulls out a trumpet*
*plays ‘William Tell Overture’ as this is all happening*
We better push it back up the stairs to the house on top of the hill.
We can ask the 20 policemen that are riding in that tiny little car to help.
No worries — you can’t have too many panes of glass being carried by two dudes!
What happened to “Powered by” ????
Sidhe Cat. Haven’t seen him in a long time.
The “Powered by” comment didn’t even show up for me. *pouts*
“They took it to the next level.”
Sidhe Cat is a she.
And considering she’s a GTAIV fan, I reckon she’d be proud to power this!
Congratulations SC!
*squeezes*
*facepalm*
Argh!! I knew it! I wasn’t sure when I posted, it had been so long since I had seen her.
*congratulatory squeeze for SC*
She mostly retired after posting comment #500000
*hip hips*
Hip hip, dammit!
Hooray!
Watch your language, young lady.
*watches*
Does it do tricks?
No, but my hips do.
Oh…wait. Ummm…nevermind.
If anyone could make the language do tricks, it’s you Dragon!
*squeeze*
That’s because I have a very well-trained tongue.
See??
:p
See my Uhura response elsewhere.
Hee…dat’s why I said it.
I should have known! I wish I could hang out here right now…we’ve got a lively group, but it’s back to work for a bit more.
*squeezie-smooch*
That’ll wind your watch…
your hips don’t lie?
Shaddup.
I once knew a guy named Shaddad. About 1,50 m small, but EXTREMELY tough.
Are you sure that was a guy and not Shadout Mapes?
Woop woopity for Sideycat.
She may well spy this thread yet.
Thanks to you, I have! *squeeze*
She’s currently on vacation.
… and having a ball (the dog just keeps bring it back, over and over again.)
That was cool, wasn,t it?! Hee hee!
*squeezes the Moomin*
Reminds me of my first clumsy attempts at playing GTAIV, with a dummy left hand for the W-A-S-D keys. But NOW… vroom-vrooom!
Awww! Sidhe Cat is here!
*welcome home squeeze!*
You’ve been missed!
I have missed everyone sooo much! I took a fork in the road, but I think the spoon would have served me better. So… after I get home from vacation and get settled back in, I do believe I will be back! *squeezes to all my buddies*
I’m glad I checked back before calling it a night. Your blog buddies look forward to your return to regularity.
*pops in for a quick squeeze*
*special squeezies!*
*cheez-squeeze!*
Aaghhh! A squeeze from my favorite dragon! I’m lovin’ it! *hugs and squeezes!*
Congrats Sidhe!
*squeeze*
Wow, there are still people on this late?
Blink and you miss it. Pause at about 17 seconds to see it…
That’s not the problem. There’s something wonky with my computer today. And for some reason my computer has never played well with viddler. *shrugs* What’s a girl to do?
You don’t wanna know.
Alternate side of the street parking is in effect.
I know it’s a one-way street, officer! I was only going one way!
Pffft. So thick, these Fail Poice.
Cute…but thick.
*Ssssssssccccccccccrrrrrreeeeeettttttttcccccccchhhh* hello
*ahem*
I don’t think so.
Something about imitation and flattery?
sorry name change sazham
You should be out of finches, just so you know.
I hate those words “just so you know.”
I need another object in my name anybody got something they don’t want? My finches where taken or stolen?
Why? Why would you hate a grammatically correct phrase?
No the the phrase “just so you know” the woman I walk with says it all the time to me to put me in my place. GBF
Well, it is October. Want a tombstone? I know where there’s LOTS of those!
I will take the tombstone thanks ZA you the man.
What happened to the blog!!??!!
I keep losing the comments. All of them, every time I post!
Look up. It looks like 5 Eagles has five of….you.
I thwacked him for it on the last fail and took all 5 of his finches as well.
All is okay here. Hmm. Let’s try some troubleshooting. First question: Are you currently caught in the middle of a space-time vortex?
Are you seeing stars? I mean other than me.
It’s so nice to have you back, Starfish (even if it is only during your lunch break)!
*squeeze*
Awe, thanks Nightshade.
I’ll just have to get as many squeezes as I can in one hour.
*squeeze*
*contributes to the collection*
*SQUEEEZE!*
Hard to say.
But every time I post a comment, I have to wait for the page to load, then remove the comment # in the bar at the top and re-load the page in order to see any of the comments.
I think I’m gonna close out the computer for a bit and come back later, see if that helps.
And now, suddenly, it’s working again.
Weird.
Little does Avis realize, that she has just entered…
The Twilight Zone.
I’m beginning to think I did. It worked for that one comment then decided not to work again. Here’s hoping it works now.
Nope, no love.
*mutters obscenities under breath, all directed at the stoopid ‘puter*
Mine has been going wonky occasionally, too. It’s not just you.
*gentle squeezes*
*squeeze back*
It seems to be fine. Right now. I’m not assuming anything at this point.
You know what happens when you assume…….
You get ZAPPED! in the Dot Org???
And then you’ll need to apply the cream.
Cause you stole my finches LOL I stole your settings .
Second question: Do you have the urge to eat or drink anything containing worms or liver?
Did you lose twenty minutes? Does your butt hurt?
What if I do? Does that mean I have Boss Hogg syndrome?
OK, does anybody remember The Dukes of Hazzard, and how Boss Hogg was always eating raw liver? Those scenes were so gross. I swear it was real raw liver he was eating.
I loved that show, and I remember Boss Hogg eating…ALL the time, but I don’t remember liver. Maybe I just blocked it from my young, impressionable mind…
He always had a knife and fork, and a big plate with raw liver. He’d slice off chunks and eat it while talking to Roscoe and Enos. That was so gross I’ll never forget it! I always wondered if the actor did that for real.
Enos! You dipstick!
I just remember him always eating fried chicken…and Roscoe always trying to get a bite from his ‘little buddy’…*snorkles*
I miss that show…it was WAY better than most of the junk on t.v. now…
At this point, I’m extremely grateful that I never, ever saw that show.
:ick:
I loved Daisy Duke. Loved her short shorts even more.
Don’t recall the tubby guy eating liver, tho.
Boss Hogg ate everything on that show. Almost literally.
Daisy Duck? No wait, that can’t be right.
For some reason I always !magined that grateful should be spelled with great in it, seeming as we are happy it happened.
But then all the gratitude rushes in.
*Sigh* I posted prematurely.
do you often suffer from premature articulation?
No, it all happened after my first time, after that I was never quite the same.
You just reminded me of that dip stick commercial.
NOW THAT’S THINKING WITH YOUR DIPSTICK JIMMY!
*Thwacks Brews derriere with the dipstick and runs off*
ww w. youtube.com /watch? v=3pcqVQe-4z0
Sorry about the triple post just remove spaces for a laugh.
No, I do not, and I’d like to keep it that way, thanks.
*secretly enjoys liver and onions*
Shhh! Don’t tell anyone!
I don’t have to, you just did!
(new post up)
I saw. And now I need soup for lunch.
Hee!
I’ve got the squash roasting right now.
I updated mine yesterday, finally. But not with anything as yummy as soup. Just more of me bragging about the kidlets.
I’ll have to go check that out.
It looks like baby-proofing just got more difficult at your house!
Figured out yet what to dress them as for halloween?
My son has decided he wants to be Spider-Man, and I’m borrowing my sister’s lamb costume for my daughter. I usually try to go with a theme, but since he’s old enough to start picking his own, I couldn’t think of any girl costumes to go with Spider-Man.
Ummm, what about as a spider?
Black long-sleeved onesie with extra “arms/legs” attached near the middle? You’ll need felt and maybe mirabou feathers. Put a red felt hourglass on the back.
Ok, that might be too scary, but fun!
Give her a green 5 leaf costume and say she’s Mary Jane.
Give her red hair? Mary Jane would be an easy do with a small sized overcoat, which doubles as a warmth keeper.
Aww Za, I went the serious route, you just made me *Rofl* though.
oops sry – was txtng
Who put tht thng there?
Hee!
Hit the brake! The pedal on the left!
No! Your other left!!
*steps on the handbrake*
IT WON’T STOP! Call 3333!
♪ He’s gettin’ bugged driving up and down the same old strip. ♪
Is he trying to find a new place where the kids are him…..AGAIN?
Hip hip hip! Dammit!
*wiggles hips and does the wiggle dance*
“Hip hip dammit?”
Whatever happened to “Hooray!”?
We’re in a recession. Hooray got laid off and Dammit has to do both jobs now.
No doubt with a reduction in pay.
♪♫
Dammit for Hollywood…
♫♪
Yep. Works for me.
Good thing they didn’t lay off Dammit.
Can you 1magine?
Frankly, Scarlet, I don’t give a Hoor.
You blew it up! Ah, Hoor you! God Hoor you all to hell!
whore u all??
I just got back and read this whole thread. It’s no wonder I love you guys! My gut hurts from holding my laughter in!
*squeezes all in the dammit*
*gives a walrus-special squeeze*
Yes! What she said!
*HoorHoorayDammitSqueezes*
Hooray, Jim, I’m a doctor not a bricklayer!
Hooray, Janet, I love you!
Hm, I guess that one works okay.
Take your stinking paws off me, you hoored dirty ape!
The problem is people would have to start talking about the Hoover Hoor.
And the problem with that would be???????
*stifflesnork*
Well, hell and hooraytion…we can’t have that.
Hoored if I do and hoored if I don’t.
*SQUEEZES*
Isn’t that an Aphex Twin video?
LOL, I love Aphex Twin.
Come to daddy, come come to daddy.
*squeeze*
The last time someone said that to me I thought they were going to grab my bucephalus bouncing balls.
*squeeze*
*licks window*
*screams at old lady*
Had to laugh:
All cell phone use while driving is banned here in California, per The Governator. Ironically, someone took a picture of Maria Shriver (The Governator’s wife) while she was driving and talking on her cell phone!
I expect we’ll hear some sort of public statement sometime today….
Carry on.
Oh, and Happy Humpday!
*squeezesallFPs*
I’m sure it was just a photoshop.
Yay – the rainstorm didn’t wash you away!
Nope, still here! It’s still raining, too. There are approximately 26,000 people in Northern CA without electricity at this hour. Thankfully, we did not have to suffer through an outage. But, it was a little dicey driving home on the freeway yesterday. Hydroplaning is real!
Could you send one of those power outages my way? Specifically, to the building I work in?
I’ll see what I can do.
*puts on Thinker-Upper™*
*folds arms across chest*
*blink-nods alà Barbara Eden*
There. Did it work?
I’m still posting, aren’t I?
Yes you are, and in a lovely pink genie costume. Except for your navel isn’t showing.
Eep! Wow.
These pants are kinda MC Hammer-esque, aren’t they? Can’t touch this!
*snaps fingers*
*Brewski’s genie pants vanish into thin air*
Belly button’s showing now!
*sigh*
Easy come, easy go.
*cleans lint out of navel*
*plucks Brewski’s lint off floor and puts in jar*
What? I’m collecting….
Collecting navel lint? What do you call it — Omphaloskeepsakes?
Umbilicusakes.
Samantha wanted to do that too? So what you’re saying is that she was biwtiched?
All I know is she could wiggle her nose like nobody’s business.
Oh. I thought that Young Brewski wanted to snap his fingers and render Jeannie pantsless and that you said Samantha wanted to do the same.
What you’re saying is very different. Nevermind.
I know that’s what you meant, but I looked up “biwtiched” in my dicitionary and couldn’t find it! Do I need the unabridged edition?
*snaps fingers*
*LCB’s mask disappears in a puff of smoke*
Damn. Need some more practice.
Brewski, it was a simple misspelling – being “bitwitched” is when your code that you wrote is haunted.
So THAT’s what she looks like under there!
*click!* (for posterity)
Lucky for me I always wear a spare mask underneath. And a tattooed-on mask underneath that.
LGB, did you just take a picture of my posterior? You’d better not post that on the internets; I don’t want *everyone* to know my phone number.
That’s funny WN, I remember in a college com-sci course way back when I had written code that created an array that dynamically allocated memory as needed. When I tried to delete the array at the end of the program and free up the allocated memory, it erred out and crashed. The instructor couldn’t initially see the problem, but together we figured out what I did wrong. The array was allocating space and tacking it on to the last array element, but technically it was no longer an array (memory wasn’t contiguous anymore). It acted just like an array until you tried to free up the memory, then it would just bomb.
Until we both understood the problem, it looked like “haunted code”.
*posts LCB’s butt on internets*
It might be too late….
*takes out ad in Playkitteh*
*pays 1,000 per month for billboard*
*pays 5,000 per second for Super Bowl ad*
*whispers*
Not NOW, LGB, I’m on the phone!
*sighs and presses the redial button … again*
*snork*
I could use one here too!
Me three! Oh and LGB, can you do that Barbara Eden thing again?
*repeats same treatment for Ms B*
Anything?
Lights are still on. Damn. Thanks though.
*repeats same treatment for Starfish*
*line starts forming*
*installs ticket machine and pole barriers*
*starts charging 500 internets per person*
*makes a fortune*
*retires early*
Leave me out of it please. Blackout are boring until the power comes back on, then all hades breaks loose. I’d rather be bored with the lights on, hangin with my fail friends thanks.
So the living impaired don’t…erm….”take advantage” of blackouts the way the livingly-abled do?
Hee! The last big blackout we had here involved a cooler of ice, melted ice-cream and one heck of a dry-cleaning bill.
*Blacks out*
Blackouts can lead to many “healthy” activities.
The surest way to stop blackouts is to buy a backup generator.
Wasn’t there a mini baby-boom about 9 months after some huge blackout back east not too long ago?
Hmmm. Strike that.
*strikes*Theng Kew!
Yeah, he actually called her out publicly for it. He can probably afford a comfy couch anyways.
Who is this person that crashes into everything with a SUV? Someone should make a video collage!
Only if they have a degree from collage college.
*bah-dum TISH!*
*squeeeze*
But an SUV collided with the commencement cortège, causing collateral collegiate catastrophe.
*pins corsage on LCB’s decolletage*
*curtsies*
Heh, why have Failblog started using Viddler instead of just regular youtube? It sucks!
Well you see, Herid, if I may, Viddler made the FB peeps an offer they couldn’t refuse: They get all the FB videos and the FB peeps get free popcorn for the rest of their lives. How could they turn that down? Besides, the only thing YouTube offered them was a year’s supply of BaconLube™ and two free tickets to a Britney Spears concert….
Viddler actually works. YouBoob disabled all failblog videos about every week. I’m glad they switched.
yeah on top of it, viddler plays better music than a fiddler…
tell him to stay off the roof.
of course, or else he’ll just go ROOFL
Hehe…
He said “boob.”
Nice!
Where are they?
( . Y . )
Some place that gives you Britney Spears concert tickets apparently.
I advise against going.
Well, you could be smart and stop doing it, or you could be dumb and make millions singing about it.
well, it is october is breast cancer awareness month.
There are videos?
Because youtube kept banning failblog.
Excuse me for being THAT guy, but how is this a ‘parking exit fail’? It seems more like an ‘ability to stay on the street fail’.
I will now be THAT girl (no, not THAT one! The other one) who will give my personal opinion as to why that is. I think they actually meant something along the lines of ‘parking SPACE exit fail’. But that was too long!
HEY!! You’re that girl!!
*looks closer*
Oh, wait…no you’re not. Nemmind.
woooooow, ahaha
A bit offtopic:
I was at Trader Joe’s over the weekend, and saw a girl with her phone number on her ass. Hell of a way to pick up guys, isn’t it?
Though I must admit I was considering calling it. But if she had picked up, I would’ve said, “Oh, I’m sorry, I must have the wrong number. I was trying to reach your ass.”
well thats a bum-mer
“Was that your ass I saw in Trader Joe’s the other day?”
‘’sorry it must have been my assistent, we look a lot alike”
“I’m sorry, ma’am, I thought you were the vendor selling ass cream.”
i wonder if she had the number on a bum-persticker
Your trader joes services females who shop without pants? Or was she only wearing a thong?
The text was written on her pants – over her ass. Like the pants that say ‘juicy’.
well, did you?
did ju cy her??
Goodbye all, have a wonderfail day.
*squeezes for all*
Bye!
*squeeze*
*skaweeeeeezyStarfish*
Don’t work too hard!
When you gotta go…
Poor tree!
Ok, this totally reminds me of high school! My junior year they implemented a new required class, skills for success, or something or other. I had two really good friends in that class with me, and we were always getting in trouble for talking in class. One of our favorite one-liners came from this class. I don’t remember the movie at all, but I remember something happened to a horse. I still regularly say “Poor horse!” and look for someone to laugh at it with me. But alas, anyone who got that joke has moved far away.
*wades through nostalgia*
Awwww, Ms B! Now that we know the story, we can ALL say “poor horse” and laugh with you!
*squeezysquoze*
Did the horse die?
*headdesk*
One of my colleagues recently gave us a short presentation on writing instructional objectives. She told the story of a seahorse out to seek his fortune. Because the seahorse didn’t have a clear plan of where he was going, (WARNING! SPOILER ALERT!) he ended up being eaten by a shark.
The colleague mentioned the presentation a few days later in a staff meeting and I said, “Oh, you mean your seahorse snuff film?” So that’s what it’s called around here now.
LOL!
On a completely unrelated topic — LCB, would you please send me the new topic? I know I haven’t done my homework in a while, but I’m hoping to get myself in gear.
Will do, if you tell the nice failpeeps here what you’re talking about. I’ve been recruiting a few of them over on the other FB but so many of these guys would be so good at… it.
I know, I know… I should give it a go sometime. I just don’t know if I can come up with anything funny on cue. The pressure, oh my! I can’t take it!
*hands Brewski the tether to a hot air balloon*
Careful. These things asplode sometimes.
Wheee! My contribution came in second last week!
*throws leftover confetti*
I gotta admit, Dragon, I laughed hysterically at yours!
Aww…tanks! I was nervous, ‘cuz it was my first time, but now that I’ve lost my Fiver virginity, I hope I can do even better!
*Stares eyes wide at the group*
*Scratches head*
*Faints from the head rush*
*pokes head into thread*
Homework? Topic? Is there something we all need to know?
*raises left eyebrow*
Oh, wait. There is no topic this week. We have at least one in the can already. I didn’t send a new one on Sunday due to combined but unrelated Cheezmeet/wifi issues. Next up is the manatee church thingy. Send ‘em if you got ‘em.
Oh, ok. Cool. I thought maybe I had been suspended for bringing my
camping kitdeadly weapon to work.*snork*
No, for that you get sent to remedial school, dontcha know!
Remedial school?
Poor course!
Erm … I have nothing about the manatee church thing.
*sigh* Plz to halp?
OK, Failpeeps — LCB is the moderator of a weekly humor column-ish thing. It’s sort of like a Top Ten, only without the copyright infringement that would go along with such a title. Here is a link to the site. The topic changes weekly. If you want to participate (i.e. send in suggested answers to the weekly questions), you can ask LCB about it (there’s a “contact us” link from the main page).
*bangs head on desk*
*isn’t sure whose head she’s banging on the desk*
Never mind, LCB. I found it. I was looking for something that said “manatee” rather than “holy.”
This other FBer is awaiting patiently. I’m sure you can find me searching some Fabulous bruin figure. Bobby Orr. Follow the friends in common path.
me thinks you’ve been bourqued.
Howe can this be?
*RIGL*
“Hey you can’t park that animal over there! It’s illegal!”
*PUNCH*
Poor horse!
Did LCB just make the horse collapse?!?
*headdesk*
Must…refresh…
*sniffs*
I thought I could smell something. :p
Did it collapse??
I Wonder, do i have less of a life, being here most of my time, or is it just me?
It’s just you.
Hooooow, how can you say that?
I am JUST a walrus??
Walruses are the most majestic creatures in the world, and they bow down for noone.
Well, their chins are only 3 inches off the ground to start with.
Hmmf, if our chins are 3 inches of the ground, then yours shall be 2!!!
*laughs walrus-like*
*snorticles*
How do you get those to laugh?
Gas.
well that is….. gastly
With a lick and a promise, of course!
Is that like a 68?*
I know. I reread that one a couple times, because each time it shattered the gauge on my innuendo meter. I’m not going to look again, those things cost money.
I didn’t realize Failpeeps shocked that easily!
Here, Brewski, you can borrow mine. It goes to “11″.
So I think that means NS owes me 10.
Most of us don’t. The delicate flowers, however…they are easily shocked.
*muffled snork*
It’s just that you have a certain notion about your Fail Peeps. For instance, NS is just a tiny, innocent kitteh in a Halloween costume, who shouldn’t have any knowledge of how innuendo even works. Now, you take a FP who wears a funny hat and is holding a beer … you kind of expect that person to know all about innuendo (and some other stuff, as well).
*flutters eyelashes innocently*
This reminds me of a quote from Lisa Simpson: “Beneath my goody two shoes lie some very dark socks”.
No, you didn’t get it. You don’t have less of a life. You can trust me, I’m a zombie, I know what “less of a life” really means.
It’s ok, we can duct tape it back up.
He had the runs.
butt he was driving, not running
oh MY GOD NOOO!!!! Make me stop replaying this over and over! That looks to be a $70+,000 VW Phaeton in front of the line… today is a sad day. For that car. Or maybe the day it happened was a sad day. You know. Whatever.
This is a good example of when to not pass on the right.
First
*GLOWERS*
:p
*peeks out of lead-lined bunker*
Is it safe yet?
Yeah, it’s safe. The trolls seem to be multiplying like rabbits (or tribbles, take your pick). I’m just doing my part to keep their numbers down.
I like the tribbles reference…considering I started my day reading a Star Trek quiz result…
*wonders where Mr. Spock is*
Rooster went to a Star Trek convention this summer. I think he’s surprised I know as much as I do about the show(s). You know, for someone who doesn’t really watch them.
I got a kick out of Great Scott’s result.
Me tooooooooooooooo!! How perfect was that??
Thengkew. I tried to answer honestly too!
Live long and prosper!
Yes, yes you are. You can cross that off today’s to-do list.
I do hope you’re maintaining an ongoing list of the firsters’ firsts… just in case they forget…
*wheels out 50 volumes from closet*
Yes, but it’s getting sort of unmanageable. I need to go digital.
*patiently, slowly, and with great pomp and circumstance rolls up a Multidimensional Document Storage Device (MDSD™)*
Just send ‘em to a cornvenient other dimension – you can retrieve them at will with this button:
*hands LGB a strange, alien-shaped button*
*takes button*
*hands start to vibrate*
WwwwwwwooooaaaaaNellllllliiiiieeeeee!!!!!
PUSHITWITHAQUICKNESSLGBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB!!!!!!!
*pushes button*
I read that as “PUSH SHIT WITH A QUICKNESS!!!!!”
That’s what I yell at the kids every morning when getting them ready for school:”Hurry kids, we’re going to be too late! Push shit with a quickness!”
♪ God hoor
the pusher ♪
Got another one of them handy-dandy items, WN?
Aww, Avis.
I was using that rain forest.
I swear, people post from the strangest places.
*doesn’t think he wants to know how you “use” a rain forest*
Sorry.
Turn right to go left?! Guess what? I tried it, and this crazy thing happened – I went right!
Today is my FB anniversary. What an amazing year it has been with you guys. A continuing source of inspiration.
You misspelled “insanity”.
*squeeze*
Happy Anniversary, Aja!
*knocks three times on ZA’s grave with shovel*
*waits*
*gets no answer*
Where could he be at this hour?
*goes into adjacent grave storage shed*
*wheels out brand new, shiny confetti cannon*
*suddenly remembers ZA’s comment re: impatient living*
*waits to light fuse*
*shuffles up to LGB*
*patiently pulls out a patient bottle of Cabo Wabo*
Sipskis?
Oooo! Nicey! Thanks, WN!
*sips patiently*
*patiently hands LGB a very slowly sliced slice o’ lime*
*pokes head out*
*notices cannon is already set up and ready*
*hopes it’s been checked and all*
*fires*
BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!
Wow. How much powder did you put in there anyway LGB?
*Hands ZA back his arm*
I found it at the graveyard entrance, someone must be celebrating something huge.
Congrats Aja, I didn’t know it but I am your one month senior.
In any case I brought a case of Asti Spumante.
Someone care to do the hon(u)rs?
*Motions to the cork*
*thinks withaquickness*
About the same as usual.About a cup, or so.About a gallon, or so.About the same amount I used yesterday.Lots.
*snorkittyroffle!*
Awwww, isn’t he cute?
*gently pets snorekitty so as not to wake alà GS*
Awww. I cannot believe the day I missed!
*gently pets snorekitty so as not to wake*
Oh, and Happy Anniversary Aja. FB wouldn’t be as fun without you.
Is that you, Dalkorian?
And how long he’s around! Amazing!
Huh?
It has been a real pleasure, Aja. I’m glad I get to hang around with you.
*SQUEEZE!*
What he said.
*squeeze*
Awesome, Aja! How’d you manage to put up with some of us this long?
Not too long ago, I was trying to figure out how long I’d been around. I gave up. I used to post some really stupid stuff before I got the feel of the place.
I still do
I’m proud and hono(u)red to say it’s been almost a month and year since I first joined this joyous community. Looking back on my old comments, I *facepalm* and *headdesk* at my rather moronic and weird posts, but, adapt and learn, as they say, and here I am.
My anniversary is coming up very shortly. Today I was surprised to learn that a lot of the people I regarded as regulars when I first joined, actually started their careers just before or after me! (BFF, Moomin, DrB, Aja,…)
.
Concerning the old comments: I think I might even have firsted once.
*squeezes for the whole bunch*
I had my anniversary back in July…hard to believe I’ve been a part of this community for so long. You guys have seen me through some tough times.
*many squeezes to the failpeeps*
I also don’t recall when I started. I once looked it up a while back, and now I’ve completely forgotten when it was. But I do know I was often even more moronic than I am now.
Congrats Aja! And to all the others that have stuck with it this long!
It’s been nearly the same amount of time for me as it has for Dragon, I think I started a week or two after she did.
I think we’ve all come a long way since our first comments.
Congrats Aja!
Well, for me, I made one or two comments under a different name that would have been considered comments by random site passers-by today. Thankfully, I can remember the name I used… so I am able to Google my very first FailBlog comment ever.
[in response to another user commenting that soda is bad for your health]
Comment Tator says:
August 16, 2008 at 11:43 pm
So is sitting at a computer and typing comments about retarded little video’s. [sic]
Burn WIN.
Hypocrisy FAIL.
ht tp://failblog.org/2008/08/12/coke-fail/#comment-69232
Note that both the ‘win’ and the ‘fail’ mention in the comment were directed towards myself.
And that was the soon-to-be Shadow’s first comment ever. Bask in my glory.
I found my possibly first comment earlier today. It wasn’t as bad as I expected.
Ask Qwaz about the reception he received following his first comment.
Have you been a baaad girl?
*wags finger*
He got thwacked with a non-shellacked half rotten …. did I hit him with a mackerel, halibut, or whale? I know it was half rotten, whatever it was.
hope it wasn’t a walrus
*snork!*
Poor Qwaz!
Hmmm… can’t find it. Linkity-linky, Qwaz-inator?
*ahem* That should be mentioned.
Also… *slaps past, troll-ish self for the misplaced apostrophe* You’re going to be hanging around this site for a while, moron. Learn to type correctly. Also, be less of a jerk.
*feels redeemed*
My first day here was 6/9/09 — the day of The Great ICHC/Failblog Invasion.
Wow — it’s only been a little over four months? It seems like much longer…
Four months?!? That’s IT??
It seems like we’ve known each other and been friends forever.
I have a relatively similar past to you BF I guess, time wise. I too am not proud of my first comments. My actual first one was a good one, what I followed up with on the following fails are my sad attempts to instantly assimilate into the community. With the help of this community I have grown as a person and on the blog.
Psst, have you seen the other FB?
Wait, there’s ANOTHER FB?! Is it like a parallel universe? Why was I not informed of this?! Help! IS THIS THE TWILIGHT ZONE?! AAAAAH!!!
*runs screaming out of the room, shreiking “WHY?! WHY?!”*
Chill! It’s “FriendsBurp.org”.
I’m on FondleBrewski.org, but I seem to be the only one. Guess I’ll entertain myself…
*types FondleBrewski.org in browser*
I is askeered to look. …
Congratumalations!
*tootles melodiously on kazoo and dances hornpipe*
*squeeze*
*joins*
If I ever leave FB, the hornpipe will be my legacy.
*squeeze!*
I sure am glad you put up with us!
HAPPY FAILIVERSARY, AJA!!!
You’ve always been one of my very favorites.
*SQUEEEEEZE!*
Because of his old avatar? He looked very cute!
*is suddenly overcome by jealousy and draws moustache and glasses on Aja’s old avatr*
Hey, watch it buddy! You drew on the wrong avatar!
*hands BFF a ShamWow*
HAHAHA! Brilliant!
At university I once attended a dress-up party as a Gumby, together with three friends. I took the whole event very seriously and where my mates contented themselves with glued on moustaches, I took the effort of planning it a month beforehand by growing a genuine stache. We got completely plastered and stayed in character the whole night!
MY BRAIN STILL HURTS!
Happy failday to you, Aja! It’s great to have you around!
*squeeze*
Sadly enough, many have left us.
Titaniumspork, Ryannon, Dr Hugh, EricB, Gaynorvader,…
That’s a list which is much longer. Sad indeed.
WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT SAD THINGS ON AJA’S FAILIVERSARY??
*thwaps Czuhc and Arthur affectionately*
Don’t shout at me!
*cries*
I forgot to mention Sidhe Cat!
*cries*
I could name a bunch more that you fine people have not met–but I won’t–because it’s Aja’s failiversary.
♫ Cartwheels turn to car wheels through the town
And they tell him,
Mark your time, it wont be long now
Till the poice drag you away by the feet for driving on the sidewalk!
Wow…two grown men crying. GO ME!
*sniffles*
Yes ma’am!
*squeeze*
I am making plans to return, as I am just not happy enough w/o you peeps!
Get my note?
Yep! Thanks, coyote, you’re the best! *squeeze*
Welcome back! Off to bed now. Been a loooong doctor day and another appt. tomorrow. See ya later.
Hi, Bye…
Sweet dreams…
Whoo-hoo! *drops confetti and streamers from above*
Congratulations, Aja!
it looked very deliberate. But I can’t imagine why someone would do that.
Only one comment came immediately to mind when viewing this one …
EXCUSE ME!!
[Pablo Francisco]*Beep beep, Get the hell out of the way*[/Pablo Francisco]
You mean no one got the Highlander reference? Am I that far gone??
Well, you are living-challenged.
Toushie!
I didn’t get it sowwy. I never watched the Highlander movie.
Same.
Must be a Carmageddon fan, went for the car-tree-motorcycle combo. (2635 points)
Is it just me, or is this the same SUV/driver from “SUV driver fail” posted on the 12th?
Well, if I were to make an observation, I’d say it’s just me.
“Memoirs of A Recently Deceased Driving Test Administrator” – by Shadow
My famous last words -
“Just one more thing, then you’re done:
Parallel parking.”
Better than that driving tester who nobody liked.
His famous last words.
“Ok Start the car.”
Oh, dear gods, I haven’t laughed this much at a fail video for weeks! Let’s hope they stay that way!
Vote away so we stay in the fray.
maybe he/she was in hurry..?
no more fails about videos cars please
how about car videos?
Like The Fast and the Furious?
Gone in 60 Seconds?
*is STILL experiencing technical difficulties with the blog today*
*shakes fist at computer*
Everything’s gonna be alright.
*crawls through the intertubes to Avis’ computer*
*tries to see what’s wrong with it*
*realizes she has NO CLUE how to fix a computer, let alone find what’s wrong with it*
*gives up and sends squeezes instead*
*squeeze!*
Thanks.
Can you see if your browser is hanging when trying to get to a secondary site? I’d get stuck contacting “receive.tubemogul.com” from time to time.
I’ve tried going to other sites to see if it’s my computer.
I have had no problems with any other site. Not even the sister sites to FailBlog.
I have no idea what the deal is.
What are you running, OS and browser-wise?
Looks like they may have gotten boxed in tight by fellow drivers and decided to smash their way out.
That’s a no-no here, Mary. If we wanted to go on YouBoob, we’d go on YouBoob. We’re here on FB for witty banter and comradery, and the only videos we want to see are Fail Videos. kthanxbai.
*starts making a video entitled “Complaints about Mary Kennedy”*
*helps make the video*
*holds camera*
boobs?
I don’t see no boobs.
Apparantly they couldn’t find the brake.
Driver = Woman
Above poster = Sexist bigot
Above comment = brilliant observance.
Above comment = agreeable statement
Not exactly.
*puts on glasses*
[snobbery] You see, the “=” sign does not mean ‘is’, it means ‘equivalent to’, as implied by the term “equal”. In teh maths, when you say, for example, that x = 5, you are not say that x is 5, as that is clearly wrong. X is X. You are saying that X is equivalent to 5, and furthermore, that it is always equivalent to 5, seeing as a term that is not always equivalent to a number is not expressed in an equation, but instead in an inequality. So, if we apply these rules to your statement, you are saying that car drivers are always the equivalent of women, a statement which is not only patently untrue, but also nonsensical in the extreme. Good day to you, sir. [/snobbery]
*looks around*
I’m an intellectual. I also happen to be a cowboy.
Stop staring at me like that.
No Shadow, the statement is correct, it’s his opinion. I personally disagree, and think woman = putter. Men are more equivalent to a driver than women.
Scott? What do you mean?
*snorkroffle!*
I really hope the innuendo I saw that was intended.
Saw IN that! IN that!
*smashes keyboard in frustration*
@Emp. – I just thought Reed was making a Golf analogy.
@Shadow – All innuendos are always intended. On second thought it might be more like Men = 1 wood.
A one-in-hole?
*saying. I must be the stupidest intellectual alive.
Waiting for a High 5 from GFB bondfan.(hey got something for my collection, my finches got stolen)?
Deservedly.
Meegwetch EMP for your support. You should put tornado survivor on the end of your name. LOL.
Nah I try and not hang on to that part, firstly it looks like I am asking for pity which I don’t want to and secondly I prefer to not hang on to the low parts of my life. I don’t celebrate surviving a tragic event, I would rather celebrate a great event. Sorry if this is a downer, just my perspective.
No downer bro. Your perspective noted and accepted and won’t be mentioned again sorry. My whole life I have always wanted to see and be in a tornado.
You don’t trust me, all you do is worry about the outside people and want to know if everyone is safe. It is a horrible feeling of helplessness.
*Adds comma between don’t and trust to convey proper meaning*
OUT OF MY WAY! I HAVE TO SAVE THE INTERNET!
*headdesk*
Oh man, the Internet is so screwed.
*runs in*
I’m being watched I need to save the internet or I will be killed.
*runs out to save the internet*
“Polo”
“Maro”
*quickly places a ‘c’ between the “r” and the “o”*
This is clearly not a fail, but a burglar win
This is a legitimate driving procedure… I do it all the time in Grand Theft Auto.
In Soviet Russia “Auto Grand Theft You”
Brought to you by The Train Who Said Fu(c)k It.
Where is everybody? Has the planet suffered a power outage? The playground is empty. I just saw a tumble weed cross my screen.
That was a vision. I think you have to destroy Cyberdyne Systems to prevent it from happening.
hahahhaha! sick dude!
Huh. I thought someone would have noticed, but after 400+ comments, the best I saw was that someone thought it would be deliberate.
The guy in the front PARKED TOUCHING THE SUV and the one behind was pretty close as well! The guy was trapped because other guy was a douche when he maneuvered to park with apparently space for a car a 3/4 in front of him. You can even see him trying to maneuver out, without success, in the start. So he is partially excused for punching him forward.
Now, it beats me why he took off by the sidewalk. Maybe he panicked.
Can I join your gang? you kids are funnier than the fails!!
can i join your gang? you kids are funnier than the fails!!!
Fake.
You know I love you failblog, but I hate when after I play a video a commercial plays, loudly, that I can’t stop. It makes me want to just stop looking at you… but it’s so hard. It’s like an abusive relationship.
How is this a fail???
The driver doesn’t know how to move his car out from the right-hand-side parallel park – total carnage!!!
is this the country chicken buffet?
This looks like me driving in GTA IV