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Cheezburger Company Blog
What would Brewski do?
Drip?
Dry his hands on a waffle?
Syrup some trouble?
I dounut think that would work if you wanted to keep your hands clean.
Have I scone and done it again?
No, I’ll let you off over easy, this time, but next time I am pulling out the whip(ped cream).
Hey, no need to get in a flap(jack) about it!
Sorry, some times it’s hard to omelet that I have anger issues.
Don’t worry, that is muffin!
*squeeze*
That’s good to hear, I was afraid I would have to bagel for forgiveness.
*squeeze*
Nah!
Loaf you!
That makes me feel all toatsy.
I don’t want to blow my own crumpet, but here’s a new comic clicky!
*snork*
We know who to blame now, Jenny!
*takes up pitchfork and torch*
Waffel!
Um, does anybody have a towel? A little help please?
Here have a specially donated pancake.
*proffers frying pan*
I pita the pantless…
Here, have a waffle.
Dual cakes! *wipes*
Thanks for getting me out of that jam.
No problem, you sweet thang, you!
Drier wit.
You’ve such a dry sense of humor!
Cue arid hilarity.
Oh great, another exhausting pun thread.
Oh, blow away, you!
Judy! *squeeze*
I’m glad you didn’t desert us.
Never! I’m dust to glad to be here!
IGNORE THAT COMMENT. I REPEAT, PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT COMMENT! An imposter is among us – one who cannot type and claims to be me. If it would have been me, I would have typed, “I’m dust so glad to be here!”
What are you talc-ing about? Do you have clones, too??
*looks for clone machine*
The clone is sanding over there! Get it!
*sees*
*saw*
There she is! That’s the one who tried to burn my fingers last night!!! GET HER!!!!
Not burn…melt! There is a distinct difference.
To you, melt…
To me, burn…
Punish it! Twenty on the soils!
I apologize for messing up the pun run. I feel so dirty!
And it was burning at a torrid pace, too.
I drought you did much damage, Judy.
Thats what i always do…
*considers having a bunch of those signs made up to stick on random hand dryers*
*considers putting a sign on my pants and standing in ladies room*
doit
*wonders what Jules’ sign would say*
*To dry hands wipe here*
*For hand lotion yank here*
*doesn’t want to know where the water comes from*
*turn around for “eau de toilette”*
Eww! The front of your pants is all wet! Turn around, I’ll dry my hands on the back.
Wouldn’t that hurt???
BaconLube™, to the rescue!
You can’t go out with wet pants! *blow drys pants*
“Dry on other people’s pants.”
Not so handy drier.
This kilt any chance to skirt the issue.
You’d get dressed down for dressing up at an establishment like this.
I’ll just wear a terrycloth dress.
Not so dandy hire.
Oh dear, these seem to be the wrong trousers for this.
The wrong trousers?!
Gromit! Help!!!
Brewski, I’m afraid there’s no help for it. If those are the wrong trousers, you’ll just have to take them off.
*awaits the removal of the trousers*
Stop these confounded things!
This isn’t funny, Gromit!
The joke’s over!
Get me out of these trousers!
It’s the wrong trousers, Gromit,
and they’ve gone wrong!
Stop them, Gromit! Stop them!
When good trousers go bad? Wasn’t that a show on the Bravo network? Some kind of tie-in with Project Runway?
*snorkles*
They’ve gone the plaid!
*gets tired of waiting*
*rips Brewski’s trousers off*
Whew! Thanks Gracie!
I think the circuitry in those techno-trousers shorted out when I dried my hands.
BTW, am I the only one who has seen “The Wrong Trousers”?
I’m gonna have to buy everybody the Wallace and Gromit DVD set with Wrong Trousers, Close Shave, and A Grand Day Out. It’s mandatory viewing!
Nope, I love Wallace and Gromit. We watch the curse of the were rabbit weekly ’round here. You should check out Shaun the Sheep too.
So much that I even have the action figures! Though they don’t actually have any movable parts…
I see we are not big into foreplay.
All work and no (fore)play make FB a dull blog…
*readies camera and … tripod*
Bu’ what’ll aye do, wear’n naught but this kilt?
it just says ‘wipe hands on pants’, it does not say they have to be YOUR pants.
*wipes hands on Chrexp pants*
Can’t you at least wait until I have pulled up my pants?
It doesn’t say who’s pants or that they need to be properly up and fastened! Be happy, you got a hand…job…on your…pants.
It’s not a fail, it’s an accuracy win!
Yup
*makes note in logbook*
In Soviet Russia …
The hand drier blows you?
I’m moving there!
You just go which ever way the wind blows.
♪ The answer, my friends, is blowin’ in the wind…♫
♪ All we are is dust in the wind ♪
♪ And the call the wind Mariah… ♪
♪ Could it be the north wind they’d been feelin’? ♪
The hand dryer blows your pants off?
Keep Brewski away from it, though. He’s already wanted for “indecent pantslessness.”
Wow! Talk about a blow job.
Hey, there was a cheesepic yesterday that reminded me of you.
*squeeze*
ht tp://icanhascheezburger.com/2009/10/12/funny-pictures-to-wear-pants/
Ha ha!
Hairless cats are just… wrong.
*smooch-n-squeeze*
Blatant abuse of hand driers, tsk.
I hope this is the instruction for the missing hand dryer, and not for the missing toilet paper dispenser.
ewwwwww!
*has flashback*
*curls into foetal position*
Never make me clean toilets again ……
We gonna need to hear about that flashback…
or is it a flushback?
Mens toilets, bike rally
I was the only one with the stomach for it.
Somebody had an accident, on the floor, fell in it, hands first, and climbed themselves up the walls to get up, kept slipping etc.
I got free beer all night from the clean up crew.
You should have gotten more than that. Free beer for a week at least!
I was drinking to forget! …all night.
Not enough aparently…
Hopefully the beer didn’t taste like shxt.
No, but I may need another mind bleaching.
There is a lesson to be learned here:
Be very wary of public restrooms which are used by drunken people.
Where did you say this was again??
Okay, but the guy was drunk right?
I believe so- I never found out who did it!
An Story from a Italian man:
One day Ima gonna Malta to a bigga hotel. Ina morning I go to eat brekfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She says go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better not not piss on plate you sonna ma bîtch.
Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone does. I tella her you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say better not fock on table, you sonna ma bîtch. I don’t even know the lady and she call me a sonna ma bîtch.
So I go to my room inna hotel, and there is no sheit. I call the manager and tella him I wanna a sheit. He tella me go to the toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna sheit on my bed. He say you better not sheit on bed you sonna ma bîtch. I don’t even know the man and he call me a sonna ma bîtch.
I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: ”Peace unto you” I say ”Piss unto you too ya, sonna ma bîtch. I gonna back to Italy”
I doubt anybody would stand up to take credit for that masterful feat.
I bet the perpetrator’s drinks did!
Bad beer, or K@’s tolerance is too high. They needed to give her the hard stuff.
Hard beer? D:
*slurp
Tasty Beer Ice
want some?
I am glad you didn’t curl up into the fatal position and… well you know
I have to say, this being the Waffle House, I’m terribly surprised.
Maybe their Waffles are getting soft…
Baffle House
Do I detect a hint of sarcasm??
*thinks we really need sarcasm font*
Growing up, my family and I called it the Awful House.
Went to one in KC once…on vacation with the ex-hubby. All I will say is it lived up to its reputation…
The only reason I have every gone to a Waffle house was that we were on a road trip and in the area every other restaurant closed at 9:00PM. So we took the risk.
And wow, what a risk! We learned about the place(s) on a road trip too. St. Louis to Miami, in the very early eighties. You know, before some of those safety standards were enforced so strongly. Now days, if everything else is closed, I’ll just go to the gas station and stock up on snacks and soda/beer.
No Waffle House here!
*does happy dance*
*goes to IHOP instead*
*joins Ms. B at IHOP*
*noms an omlette*
No Waffle House here, either. I used to go to the Omelette House when I lived in Vegas. That’s the only thing I miss about living in Vegas.
*sighs nostalgically*
mmmmmmm pancakes
*drools*
(only been to IHOP once…In SLC)
My neck of the wood, eh?
Twas in February- for the Tattoo convention!
Have family there!
There’s a tattoo expo here in Chicago this coming weekend! I’m thinking of going. I have been warned that if I come back with any more tattoos, I may have to find a new place to live though.
*snork*
I have been told I need more!
Well, if you ever head back out this way, let me know!
Will have to come out there soon, to get my tattoo finished and see my neice!
Will let you know hun!
We have an “Original Pancake House” here in Chicago (Ok, we have about three or four of ‘em). It’s really good food. Weird hours though.
We have an Original Pancake House. They have the best bacon! It’s sooooo thick and yummy.
*drools*
I like the junior plate, two pancakes and a sausage patty. It’s just enough food for me. I only go maybe twice a year though. The line to get in is usually a deterrent.
Yeah, that’s usually why we don’t go very often. I love the variety of pancakes available. I get something new every time.
I can !mag!ne the line would not be something you’d want to deal with when you’ve got two small kids in tow!
At least there is not a sign that says all employees have to wash their hands. They can’t go walking around with wet pants all day.
Ick. Just ick.
“All employees must wash their pants”
I just read Jules’ comment as: “They can’t go walking around with wet pets all day.”
Today´s Special:
Creamy Waffles
what if I’m wearing only a towel?
Is it a ShamWow™?
yup!
wring me?
May I call you Vince?
You wrung, M’Lord?
*snork!*
Earworm for the day:
♫ You can wring my be-e-ell, wring my bell
You can wring my be-e-ell, wring my bell ♫
Darn you, Brewski!
*shakes fist above head*
*snerk*
*has one better*
♪My ding-a-ling, my ding-a-ling, won’t you play with my ding-a-ling? ♪
♫Whispering bells, loud and clear,
Your sweet chimes, glad to hear…♫
*plays with Suzie’s ding-a-ling*
Nice cowbell!
Why, thank you, Brewski!
I’ve got a fever! And the only prescription is,
MORE COWBELL!
All I ask is be gentle…
And we can use you over and over again!!!
Yee-haw!
*scoops up poor, orphaned comment*
*pats gently*
*proffers Judy [un-Spam™]cookie*
Ewww generic processed ham product. I’d rather have name brand please.
*scrutinizes list of people who like Spam™ Cookies*
1. Jenny
2. WN
3.
fuzz*offers tray*
Fresh from the microwave!
You forgot me! Yes, I do like Spam – whether in cookies or beverages!
*takes cookie*
Super!
and wash your winkie in the kitchen sinkie?
You have to go to the Pant-Dispender and get one
do they blow hot air?
…hot-pants maybe
No, they really suck.
Ok, I’m curious, what is a Dispender? Is it like the opposite of a suspender?
No, more like a Pisspenser.
Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. I then looked around the room and saw that all the waitpersons had a spoon in their pocket. When the waiter came back to check on our order I asked: ”Why the spoon?” ”Well,” he explained, ”the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that customers drop their spoons 73.84% more often than any other utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 1.5 man-hours per shift.” As we finished talking, a metallic sound was heard from behind me. Quickly, the waiter replaced the dropped spoon with the one in his pocket and said: ”I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.” I was rather impressed. The waiter continued taking our order and while my guests ordered, I continued to look around. I then noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter’s fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their fly. My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter: ”Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?” ”Oh, certainly!” he answered, lowering his voice. ”Not everyone is as observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned, also found out that we can save time in the restroom.” ”How so?” ”See,” he continued, ”by tying this string to the tip of …you know… we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent” ”Okay, that makes sense, but… if the string helps you get it out, how do you put it back in?” ”Well,” he whispered, lowering his voice even further, ”I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.”
*seriously rethinks eating out*
I think you want to say:
going out to eat.
‘Eating out’ means something different aroud these parts.
True…this is true…
Blame the Iowa girl in me…oh so innocent…
Btw…are you missing this??
*tosses ‘n’ at Jules*
He might have a cold, Suzie. Throw him this, too.
*tosses ShamWow™ to Suzie*
*puts on hazmat gear*
Here you go, Jules…
*hands over ShamWow™*
*eyes hazmat suite*
*takes ShamWow and goes back to quarantine*
*returns to hazmat suite*
*relaxes*
*Puts a hole in SuzieQ hasmat suit and runswithquickness*
*gets whipped into a frenzy*
*goes to Waffle House*
Yum! Whipped butter!
*puts Suzie on a Belgian waffle*
Mmmm!!!
Too bad BondFan ruined my lobster!
Wait! What did I miss? BF ruined lobster???
I am not sure about the ‘n’ but it’s in definate need of a speacial ‘ed’.
Here I am!
Good maybe you can help with that last post. It seems to have gone awry.
Awww Jules, it’s ok.
*scratches behind ears*
*scratches Jules too*
That made me LOL for real!
You always manage to come up with jokes we’ve never heard before, Jules. Thank you!
As I told before: I never cared for jokes, but I’ll have to reconsider .
I don’t care for them, they are old enough to look after themselves.
How many statuary holidays do you have in Belgium Czuhc?
*ewwsnork!*
Good thing Leila’s out today. She’d have a germaphobic fit!
*sniff*
When is/ was her daughter’s wedding?
I think it was this past weekend. But I’m not really sure.
*lip trembles*
B-b-but… I miss her!
And Starfish! And aiki! And Bearly! And Chan! and…
Yes, I miss them all too. I’m just saying, for her sake, it’s probably best she not see this one. She may go into convulsions!
*ska-WEEEEZE*
But most the bestest folks are still here.
I wish people would pop in and say “goodbye”, at least. Now I worry that they were all abducted by aliens, and subjected to various anal probes.
*snerk*
Your comment made me think of an episode from South Park…Cartman and the cows…
I see you’re probing your memory…
The similarity with South Park wasn’t accidental.
*big SQUEEZE*
*huge buttery squeeze*
Moo, mooooo, moo, moo, moo, moo…
*snorkgiggle*
Such a concern is warranted, I think. I mean, the people who populate this blog would be the best picks for an alien race to study. They’re so smaht.
And used to anal probes…
By E.T.’s finger…
..usually wielded by Judy.
She’s gettting too good at it…you have to keep your eyes on her…
*flashes innocent look*
Who, lil ole me?
I hope it’s clean…
What is the story behind *snicker* the E.T. finger?
It’s from a previous fail. Look it up, it was pretty funny!
Look here:
ht tp://failpeeps.wordpress.com/epic-fails/
Got it! Thanks for your help, Brewski!
*snork*
I just got done reading it. That blog was hilarious!
AAAHHH!! The E.T. Finger is not listed under Epic fails!!
This is a situation that must be remedied immediately.
ht tp://failblog.org/2009/02/24/merchandising-fail/
I’m on it!
Sort of related: Rooster didn’t want to go to work yesterday, and the doorman in his building called that “anal glaucoma”. As in; he just couldn’t see his ass going to work that day.
That must be catching, because I almost had that today.
Rooster thought it might have been more than just a 24 hour bug as he really didn’t want to go in today either.
I think I have a chronic case.
Personally, I think he does too.
It must be pandemic!
I think my husband has called in with a “vision problem” before — same thing. He just couldn’t see himself going to work.
See previous fail for details of anal probe.
*sniff*
BWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!
There, there…it’s ok, LGB…
*squeeze*
*offers clean ShamWow™*
*sniff*
Thanks, Suzie.
*sniff* *dab.dab*
It’s clean? How? When? Where?
Secret stash…for those ‘just in case’ moments…
There are just some things a ShamWow™ can’t be cleaned of…especially on here…
Oh, you found my cabinet full of them?
I’m sorry…I just didn’t feel right giving LGB one that had been used and abused, if you know what I mean…
No, no, that’s what they’re for! By all means, use them!!
Chan was here for about a minute the other day, but where the h-e-double hockey sticks are the rest of ‘em!?
*snork*
You said hell!!!
*laughs uncontrollably*
Not exactly!
She just likes wielding two hockey sticks.
Bathroom butt fail.
Hey you said that on the last fail Cloral. LOL
Hello all.
What have I missed?
And why cant I post?
Post what?
Post Haste
With my real email
Probably because you were spamming the threads. Just sayin’.
Well, I’ve gotta disappear for the day. The school called. My daughter has a sore throat and a low-grade fever. See ya later!
*squeezes all failpeeps*
*skaweeeeezyGracieandherdaughter*
Hope she feels better soon!
*Graciesqueezies*
Hope she feels better!
SWINE FLU!!!
AAAAAHHH!!!!!
*runs in circles, waving arms and screaming*
Calm down, Brewski…Here…this will help protect you…
*gives Brewski Baconlube™ cleverly disguised as hand sanitizer*
*ponders*
Why don’t they make bacon-scented hand sanitizer? Maybe those with an aversion to floral scents would be more inclined to use it…
*boops Brewski ever-so-gently on the nose*
That wasn’t very supportive, dear.
*calms down*
*pant pant pant!*
Wow, that’s the first time Gracie has given me pants!
Sorry to hear the wee one is sick Gracie! Hope all is well!
*squeeze*
I hope she feels better soon & that it’s nothing serious!
g’night Gracie!!
Eh, someone made that tag and put it on the dryer. Faux fail.
That the best! Someone actually had that sign made…there is one in our ladies restroom, made by someone out there, that formally tells us to wash our hands before leaving. And I don’t work at a restraunt. I always find it a little funny…
Jim Gaffigan was right!
I am sure he was – but a quote would have been nice.
Not the worst Waffle House fail I have seen. Though it is the first one I have seen on FAIL blog. Damn, I love me some Waffle House after a night of drinking and working late.
Thats usually what I end up doing anyways…
Waffle house sucks anyways
Fail? More like a WIN to me!!!
Hand dryer instuctions:
1. Push button.
2. Rub hands under warm air.
3. Wipe hands on pants.
We all know that’s what you’re gonna’ end up doing anyway.
3. safety
That is an w-affle way to dry your hands (what if your shirt is sticky).
Considering that’s a Waffle House dryer…that may be a good advice win.
Which Waffle house I HAVE to check that out
Hand dryer broken, “Wipe hands on pants” sign, There I fixed it.
Seems more like a WIN to me, but that’s me…
No, it’s a FAIL! Poor hygiene practices!
I have never known you to hang it out in a waffle-ing house bathroom, but I suppose someone has tgo take Don’s place.
There was a dryer in my Jr high that said the exact same thing
AWFFLE HOUSE
Be clean..
save resources and wipe on pants?