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Cheezburger Network Blog
We must do more to deter crime.
Hey there! What’s the latest, home slice?
Woops, took my time. Didn’t meant to rise to the top.
*squeeze*
What’s next? Cows in a farm?
The horrors!
“FDA Approves Salmonella”
Now that’s change i can believe in!
I guess you’re the cream of the crop today!
*squeezysqueeze*
You were just too hot to handle … time to punch you down!
I didn’t knead that.
I am sure you will rise again!!
Apologies to everyone, and to Ms B but:
Did he dough??
Yes, after he had been battered …
The proof is in the pudding, after all.
I was only glazed.
And, you’re pudding me on.
… and salted.
Thief!!!
You rang?
Now really, charging a zombie with loitering in a graveyard is a little much, isn’t it?
Yo Homie, cut my cheese!!!!!
This looks like the handiwork of Captain Obvious!
The Adventures of Captian Obvious: Captian Obvious and the Crypt Calamity
Captain Obvious and the Watery Lake?
Captain Obvious and the Papery Book?
Captain Obvious and the very short story.
The end.
Captain Obvious and the Invisible Air?
Captain Obvious and the Dry Desert
Since the original Captain Obvious series was so succesfull they created some spin offs, for example “Captain Obvious’ Guide To Air Breathing”.
“Captain Obvious’ guide to reading guides”
Open book first, then read?
Donno. Didn’t read it.
Captain Obvious: How to Eat Food
Another spinoff – Captain Obvious Self Help and Motivational Series: Great Mountains are Made With Many Smaller Rocks
Captain Obvious and the Curiously Orange Orange
Captian Obvious and the unfunny pun.
awwwww c’mon puns are great.
Of course they are!! Butt cum on — they are not ALL funny — so, Captain Obvious must take on the unfunny pun!
…and bring it to justice!!
ewwww butt cum
Buns are better.
How tragic.
Ah, the old joke. About the 100-passenger airliner that crashed into the graveyard? Rescuers have recovered over 500 bodies so far.
Bah-dum-dum-tssss!
.
*squeeze*
How about the one where the plane crashed on the U.S./ Canada border? Where did they bury the survivors?
Or the graveyard where everybody is dying to get in?
You don’t, ha ha haaaaaaaaaaa. Are there any more graveyard jokes/riddles?
Who is buried in Grant’s tomb?
Plus, you know they always die in alphabetical order in the newspaper.
Lee?
Careful what you wish for – clickie!! clickie!!
A tidbit for the clickie adverse …
Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. “Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?”
“Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”
*eerie organ music plays*
*inky shadows spread across the blog*
Backstage -
*as he is having ink poured on him* You’re sure this is necessary to help keep the mood?
Nyes, my shadowy friend. Now if nyou’ll excuse me, I need to laugh maniacally.
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
EEP!!
I used to be so frightened by ghost stories when I was very little that they gave me nightmares. I think I used up my allotted amount of fear when I was small.
That joke’s a dead-pan!
meh
well, it saves gas money if he’s already waiting at the destination….
Next thing we know I bet you’d slap a collar on us and make us dig our own graves.
… and there’s another! And another! And…
That’s ZA’s horde.
Can’t be. They’re not dancing.
Some electricity will do the job.
Do we really want to see them do the “electric slide”?
We don’t? Okay..
*unplugs*
That trick only works in the movies folks. My hoard requires music to dance – BUT THEY’RE MINE! YOU CAN’T HAVE ANY!!
Horde hoarder. :p
I can join your horde in about 70 years, ZA! Just wait to see my undead moves!
*Dances an example dance*
My apologies, most undead one! I shall correct you no more.
…I kinda did… or the Thriller Dance…
Ah, a request …
*drags stereo from the grave*
*cranks up volume, pushes play*
*Michael Jackson’s Thriller plays at a deafening volume level*
*entire cemetery explodes in zombies*
*zombie hoard Thriller-dances*
*hoard dances their way around BG*
*hoard works their way back into graves at end of song*
*not a thread is touched on BG, but many footprints surround*
Did he die?
(I’m sorry, I had to. *flees*)
You won’t be the only one.
At least they’ll be on topic. *shrugs*
Talking about the fail is overrated.
Who wants to talk about people sitting in graveyards until they die. Lets talk about Pork chops!
Why would you leave pork chops in a graveyard?
Don’t touch that pork chop ZA! It’s a trap!
Whats this?
*touches*
>WHEEEE!<
*Hangs high in the air at end of the rope*
Can I now join , ZA?
*chases after jam waving a turkey-baster and screaming maniacally*
Get back on your meds. NAO.
*escapes out of a window using a rope, onto a waiting motorthrone*
*geordiesalutes*
*hops into Mini*
*crashes through gates in hot pursuit*
*grabs Brewski’s pants from the flagpole*
*throws them at the tailing Mini so they land on the windscreen*
*zooms round a corner before Brewski wipes*
(8O I debated whether to write that or not, I laughed so it stayed.)
I’m glad you did.
He’s driving like he’s three sheets to the wind!
*wipes, then reaches around to grab pants off windscreen*
*swerves and narrowly avoids cop and wheelchair in intersection*
*crashes into one-way sign*
*hops into paraglider to continue pursuit*
Jam starts up the giant fan onthe back of hier motorthrone propelling her faster and faster while causing Brewski’s paraglider to swoop out of control… While grabbing for the lines Brewski drops trou …
*sings a little tune without turning his head*
Uh oh…
*paraglider careers into Arthur’s head*
*gets up and dusts self off*
I need some money so I can buy a souped-up truck with 16 exhaust pipes! Then I’ll catch jam!
*dons balaclava*
*runs into bank to rob it*
*stops Brewski before he can enter the bank*
*points at cardboard security booth*
And, the sign clearly says “No pants – No service”
It does not say you actually have to wear them, though.
But I don’t think he even has them — he dropped them on LCB who flew thru the flawed fly and they wafted to the ground!
*confiscates turkey baster from Brewski before he can “fall on it”*
Brilliant flying there LCB, you swipes that baster out of his hand just as his paraglider was swooping sideways! Oh, watch out! *Brewski dropped trou land on LCB’s head*
*flies through a flaw in the fly*
No wonder he is always losing his pants — Brewski has a flawed fly!!
Flawed fly?
I thought I was pretty fly for a white guy.
I’m a frayed knot.
mewtwo.
Thats snot right
Im a freak so.
What time do you go on?
*gives Jam some DE*
mumblemumblestoopidfleasmumbleinfestationmumble…
*coughcoughcough*
Did you have to use the whole packet?
Don’t breath it Jam — just rub it all over yourself and dust it on all your furniture and rugs and inside your pillows!! Then vaccuum… you won’t need to flea again for a long time!!
OK, y’all look away while I rub it in. Someone make sure Arthur turns the spycam off.
Trust me, I won’t film.
(
)
*click*
Ya know, if I ever want to reminisce about some of Failblog’s most sordid debauchery, all I’d have to do is google “failblog *click*”.
Hmm. I might have to actually try that.
Do.
Not.
Snort.
It.
Is that personal experience talking, ZA?
*Whacks Gracie on the back to get those marbles out of her mouth before she chokes* OK, now you were saying ….?
Hey — I recognize those marbles! I lost them about 6 weeks ago!! *looks squinty eyed at Gracie*
I -er -uh-
*runsawaywithaquickness*
*starts to run after Gracie, but slips on the marbles*
*flails comically*
*falls on fanny*
Hey! Watch what you’re doing!
*pinches Fanny*
hee hee!
*giggles*
Oh, you kid!
*bats eyelashes at Brewski*
I hope so
LOL
I’M GOING TO POST NONSENSE, NOT RELATED TO THE POST AT ALL.
LOL!!!
Okay. When?
Actually, Boost’s post was related to his post. So the post is a lie!
Did he fall asleep in the post box too? Is that why there’s a lack of nonsense?
At least Boost amuses him/herself.
How do you know that he is wanking right now?
Look at the shape of his comment.
*chuckles*
Such a dirty, dirty mind. I like it!
Ah yes. Slim, isn’t it?
That and one of his LOLs is bigger than the other by a few exclamation marks..
He should see a doctor.
How fortunate for him, I am (almost) a doctor!
Well.. I’m taking A levels and have applied for medical school but…
I heard enough. Don’t just stand there – operate!
*produces hacksaw*
*dons knotted handkerchief*
I’M GOING TO OPERATE!
*slices off some of Boost’s !!s
I knew you were trustworthy. To operate trolls, that is.
*plays “Like a Surgeon” for background music*
♫ Cutting him softly with hacksaw
cutting him softly… ♫
Now, see…THIS is why we need preventative medicine!
Close enough for government work.
*stands back and admires Jon’s handywork*
*frames with thumb and forefinger*
S’Nice!
If you want to join in, you’re going to have to stop shouting at us.
*directs BOOST to the Caps Lock Key*
Here, BOOST. Using this button correctly will help keep others from thinking you’re an insensitive clod.
How is it that his/her name is the one thing not in all caps? *sigh*
Purely to annoy us.
One post by Boost — who apparently fled — results in 38 posts thereafter! Methinks Mr. Boost managed to amuse us all!
Hey! You weren’t supposed to see this!
I’m going with FailBorg win. We “imilated” his a$$, uh-huh.
*Bands Boost and releases back into the internet.*
This way we can track the Boost migration patterns.
Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
Not at all. They could be carried.
Or washed ashore by the tides …
I was thinking more like being carried by swallows…
*squeeze!*
African swallows?
It’s not a matter of where he grips it! It’s a simple matter of weight ratios!
What if two swallows carried them on a sort of line?
That would be one BIG swallow to carry off a coconut!!
Maybe you could teach them to drop the coconuts on command — your own army of coconut bombing swallows. You could call them in whenever someone was trying to steal your pants.
I could arrange that.
Oh, you have friends in high places?
Nope — she has birds with big talons ….
And also lots and lots of little bitty birds. Those are the ones I call in to roost above the heads of annoying trolls from time to time.
After they have eaten a big BURRITO (only $4.95)… with extra beans
:ick:
But, yeah, that’s about right.
*runsawaywithaseriousquickness*
godzilla!
♪ Go, go! ♫
….Gadgetozilla?
So did I miss anything?
It’s Arthur’s birthday.
Other than that, pretty usual… I had my pants stolen before I even got to work this morning.
And….
…HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARTHUR!!
Thank you Avis!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday, Dear Arthur!
Happy birthday to you!
May this be your best birthday so far, and may each be better from here on out!
Even though I said thanks to all of you below VVV, I can’t leave these songs unanswered: A big thank you, Nightshayde and…
♪Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Arthur♫
…thank you BG!
Damn refresh timing, lol.
Let me me know before you leave. If Dragon doesn’t get here before then I’ll give you her birthday smooch until she can catch up with you.
In that case: I’m leaving now!
*waits*
*ker-SMOOOOCH-AH!*
Happy Birthday AE.!!!!
Thank you, guy whose name reminds me of a recipe.
*snork!*
Yes, Arthur, happy birthday. May your days be long and your nights pleasant.
*taps brim of hat*
Hehehe! Reference win! Thank you.
Let’s look at that again, on the Slo-Mo Instant Replay!
*kkkkkkkeeeeeerrrrr-SSSSMMMOOOOOCCCCHHH-
AAAAHHHH!!!!!*
Let’s look at that again, on the Pig Latin Instant Replay!
*eeeeeerrrrr-SSSSMMMOOOOOCCCCHHH-
AAAAHHHHkkkkkkkaaaaaaaa!!!!!*
Ok! Now let’s run that Slo-Mo Instant Reply backwards!
*HHHHAAAAHHHCCCCOOOOOMMMSSSS-rrrreeeeeekkkkkkkk*
Now sideways!
*
H
H
H
H
A
A
A
A
H
H
H
C
C
C
C
O
O
O
O
O
M
M
M
S
S
S
S
-
r
r
r
r
e
e
e
e
e
e
k
k
k
k
k
k
k
k
*
All right! Just the men, now!
*kkkkkkkeeeeeerrrrr-SSSSMMMOOOOOCCCCHHH-
AAAAHHHH!!!!!*
sorry for doublepost…
*¡¡¡¡¡ɥɥɥɥɐɐɐɐ-ɥɥɥɔɔɔɔoooooɯɯɯssss-ɹɹɹɹɹǝǝǝǝǝǝʞʞʞʞʞʞʞ*
Oops… we are currently experiencing technical difficulties.
Good! Mimes only, this time!
I can’t heeeaaaaarrrr you!
Ladies, it’s your turn now!
*Please refer to numerus posts up above, ^^ thank you!*
Oh, ok. *consults list*
Hermaphrodites, now, and let them hear you outside!
*helpless laughter*
I very, very much needed that belly laugh today. Thank you, all, for lightening my day.
*ker-SMOOOCH-ahs for all!*
*isn’t actually a hermaphrodite, so hopes that LCB won’t penalize her for smooching out of turn*
*kkkkkkkeeeeeerrrrr-SSSSMMMOOOOOCCCCHHH-
AAAAHHHH!!!!!*
Whoops, wrong comment reply…
Happy Brithday Arthur!
Why would you take my job away?
*sobs*
Thank you!
Happy, Happy Birthday, AE!
Don’t take any wooden nickles.
My dad always calls me “Alter Sack” on my birthday, which means something like “old fart”. Thank you!
On my birthday, my family always gives me the same number of spankings as the age I just turned.
…
I’ll hold him down, guys.
So arthur you must be………8,912 now, yes?
*readies wooden paddle*
Hmmm, what tool would be best for this task? We need something with more heft than the E.T. finger…
Yes, and I was VERY naughty!
Hey Mikey! He likes it!
It means something else entirely in English.
… and many moooooooorrre!
Awww, thank you all! Here, I have some cake.
*passes HUGE plate of cake*
Cake… Cake. CAKE. CAKE! CAKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Happybirthdayarthureldnowcanihavesomecakeplease?
Thanks. Sure, get it while it’s warm!
mmmm, I like my cake like I like my braaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnssss – STILL WARM!
nomnomnomnomnomnomnom
*nom nom nom*
ank yooo
*nom nom*
Where have I been all day?!?!?
Happy Birthday, Arthur! I wish I knew how to say that in German. Haben sie birthdayischt happiescht!
*SNORK!*
Yesch, schank you!
Alles Gute zum Geburtstag!
I would blame Arthur.
Let’s finish off this round of Birthday Wishes in the CUDDLE PUDDLE!! Last one in is a rotton egg!
*whoomps into giant pile of pillows*
*back-flips into giant pile because he is
a show-offjust that awesome**flies high, folds wings back and dive bombs into pillows*
Umm.. some of those floating feathers might be mine!
*jumps in*
What if ZA is not the last one in? Is he still allowed to smell like a rotten egg?
Uh….ah….*stammers in embarrassment*
*points shyly to sign*
“No Undead Allowed in Puddle”
Sorry, I don’t set policy here. You’ll have to take that up with management…
*dives under pillows*
*points to fine-print at the bottom of sign*
“Law is temporary and must be renewed by Jan 1, 1873 to remain in effect.”
*dives into cuddle puddle alsotoo*
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Bliss!
*CUDDLES!*
*Dives in in search for his own name*
Anyone seen my Mawcrow?
I think I saw it at the bottom of the puddle.
*hands A Tiller some scuba equipment*
This may help you find it.
*dives into cuddle puddle*
*squeezes everybody*
*sighs in contentment*
*squeeze*
Say g’night, Gracie!
*thwacks with soft, fluffy pillow*
FWAP!
*somersaults in*
*squeezes all failfriends*
*grabs pillow in each hand*
FWAP FWAP!!
Gotcha!! Ha!
*replaces sixguns with pillowguns*
*sets mode to “PILLOW FIGHT!*
*FWAP FWAP!!!*
*grabs pillow-zilla*
FWAP!
YOW-zer! That smarted!
*climbs into prop plane*
*skywrites “This is for you, Gracie”*
*drops the mother of all pillows from the sky*
Oooommmphh!
*struggles out from underneath the mother of all pillows*
*opens communicator*
Enterprise, fire pillow torpedoes at the aircraft above my position!
*Plane is hit with torpedo which breaks into 1000 pillows on impact*
Wheeeeeeeeeee! A pillow fight!!!!
*thwacks all in reach with pillows*
*presses remote-control to hot-air balloon directly above Gracie*
*trap door opens dropping 200 pillows*
*swoops in with reconditioned B-52 and scoops up pillows in huge bag immediately prior to impact*
*spins B-52 into massively fast circle, goes around faster and faster, and >WHOOOSH< releases birthday pillows in Arthur's general direction*
Ye gawds, I come to see all my friends and I find one great big FWAP-fest!
*reads skywriting*
*is hit by the mother of all pillows*
*is hit by 200 more pillows*
*FWAPS! DW with a gargantuan pillow*
FWAP!
Don’t interrupt the pillow fight!
*squeeze!*
*BOOOOOF!!!!*
…Okay, now you’ve asked for it!
*picks up dragon-sized pillow*
*FWAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPP!!!*
Eeeeep!
*watches pillow fight from safe height*
*hopes those down pillows weren’t once my friends*
*Climbs up to 3 meter springboard*
*springs up to incredible height and tucks into a cannonball*
*squeezes everyone in the puddle*
*Rolls out portable bar*
Now then, can I get anyone a drink?
Now, why didn’t I think of that?
*drops pillows*
Hmmm… I feel like a Nut Brown ale, just cause I’m a nutty guy. Got anything?
I’ve got a Sam Smiths just for you.
Woot!
*tips GS 10,000 internets*
*quaffs*
Pom martini for me, please!
Actually…make it four.
Ooooo. One for each hand. Thanks!
Sorry, GS took a short break.
*jumps behind bar*
*mixes 5 Pom martinis, just for safety, with sugared rims*
*slides across bar to DW*
Enjoy!
*rubs hands together*
I’ll take a Flaming Hooker please.
Oh wow. I’m not sure I even know how to make that!
*pours a little of everything into a glass*
*lights match*
FOOOOOOOM!!!!
Oh, great. Would somebody please call 3333?
*puts on sunglasses*
*roasts marshmallow over the fire*
Never mind. Let’s have s’mores, instead.
Can I have some?
Well, yes. But seeing as I’m only fifteen, make it a sparkling cider.
Extra-sparkly, though. I’m feeling dangerous.
Man, was I drinking when I was fifteen! Nowadays it’s three beer and I’m drunk…
*pours a cider for Shadow*
*adds glitter to glass*
There you go!
*pours 3 beers for the birthday boy*
You asked for 3 beers?
*stares at glass*
Oooh, sooo purrrdy…
*forgets that he’s supposed to drink it*
*hands around, hoping to
take advantage of a drunk Arthurhelp Arthur get home afterwards**holds Arthur’s mouth open*
*force-feeds him pils*
How many times i have to tell you guys im underage!
*takes the drink*
Bud Lite me, Scott!
*hands Judy a Bud Lite*
Hey Scott, when do you get off break, anyway?
*towels off from hot tub*
*wheels portable bar over to the hot tub*
Pfft! You have them back now, what’s the problem?
Woo! Gratuliere zum Geburtstag AE!
Danke Aja!
Happy birthday, Arthur! Here, have these shiny things I found in Brewski’s pants pockets.
Nice of you to polish them up.
It was a hurried job. I was running late so I was russian.
Thank you!
*Czechs out shiny things*
Is that ummmm a kids bracelet?
Is there somoa where that came from?
Er, samoa.
Have this One- malta scotch whiskey from me!
*hands over*
Don’t worry, Jamaican so few mistakes no one will Spain you for this one.
These county puns Congo on and on…
Yeah, Iran over just to join in!
*Peru-ses Arthur’s shiny gifts*
Is that a New Guinea?
I don’t think it’s new. Here, see Denmarks?
I made you a cake, but Iraq(ed) it.
Aww, you’re so Swed(en)! Thanks!
Is that a Turkey behind you?
No, it’s his China collection.
Ah, yes. It is nice and shiny, though.
And the cake is much appreciated. I was feeling rather Hungary.
Eat as much as you want. And if you Finnished the cake, I’ll surely be Albania to bake another one.
I’m Ghana have one more slice, if I may. Kenya see if there is any left?
There’s more India-ther room. I’ll go get it.
Oman, I must remember Togo and close that window. It’s getting quite Chile in the evenings, now.
Would someone please give these pants to Brewski so he can cover up his Netherlands??
ew…. what’s that greece-y spot there???
Egad, you’re right! If Ukraine your neck, you can see it, right up there!
Oman Brewski! Is that a brazilian??
How many is a brazillion? Sounds like a lot.
Or am I just being a Turkey?
hm… well we could thai you up and start basting, and watch what happens!
I Belize you’re right. Where did that Sudan-ly appear from? Uganda Aruba that off with a ShamWow?
I dunno.
It looks kinda germany to me!
Syria-sly? You Vanuatu consult a doctor with a Mali-dy like that.
Got it, czech.
Stop the presses! Alert “The Times!”
oh wait, they did.
Dead in the graveyard and sick people in the hospital. What next, students in schools?
*used to go hang out in an old abandoned cemetery as a teenager*
Only for a little while and purely the fault of the friends I had at the time.
♫ It’s a dead man’s party,
who could ask for more? ♫
Maybe the beer we bought at the drive through liquor store (that was on the other side of the state line? Did I mention I was 17, my best friend was 15 and our boyfriends were both over 18? I still don’t really know how many laws were broken when we did that.
wow i never thought a fail wld be so close to home! i has that newspaper? Gogo Herts!
Hey Failpeeps! I’m back from seeing the head PTB. Since there was some interest, I’ll give a quick recap of the highlights.
First, Ben’s a very good speaker, funny, and obviously smart. If you get the chance, see him speak or at a book signing.
This being DC, there was a lot of talk about copyright, fair use, & the DMCA. THere were many reporters, and they took up most of the question period. I wasn’t able to ask any, and my online ones weren’t chosen. Sorry to those who gave me questions.
He did touch briefly on the front page selection process. The interesting point he made was that it isn’t just voting. Sometimes things are picked because they generate discussion or debate, or pertain to current events.
Thanks for the report. *squeeze*
He was signing books afterward. I bought FAIL Nation and got it signed. While doing so I gave him regards from those who asked, and from the failpeeps in general. (no fangirl screams though Shadow) He expressed great admiration for the community here, how well we all get along, self regulate, and how positive it is.
Great to hear!
Awww, nuts.
So good of your boss to allow you to attend the event, and so good of you to give us a report. Thanks very much, GS. And oh, BTW…….
HappyFridaySqueezy
Well, I may have put a little spin on it for my boss, but I do manage our website, and we are looking for ways to increase our traffic.
*bigfridaysqueezzies*
Wheeeeeeee! I’m so envious you got to go! Thanks for giving him our salutations.
*squeeze*
Aw, it’s okay, Shadow.
*pat.pat*
*hands Shadow tray of Spam Cookies™*
All fresh and warm from the microwave, just for you!
Hmmm… Spam Cookies™? Never tried ‘em.
*omnomnomnom*
Mmmm… tastes like Monty Python.
*Monty Python and the Holy Grail is on*
Its Camelot
Camelot
Camelot
Ohhh…Its just a model.
BREAKING NEWS: LIVING PEOPLE FOUND ELSE WHERE!
“We’re live at the mall. Where reports of living people are flying in. If you look behind me, you’ll see living people walking, talking and shopping…”
“…we are closing in on one right now…”
“EEEK! A zombie! Get away from me!”
*Buys an shotgun*
*looks confused*
*facepalm*
“I got too close”
“Now this is getting dangerous…”
“Most of the people here seem totally unaware that they are alive. They are behaving like nothing is out of the ordinary. Over to you for your take on this, Phil…”
“….And we’re getting reports that calm has been restored to the city after the dead were seen rising from their graves and devouring the living, as usual. The President has called off the state of emergency, stating that “the dead can now go about their buisiness as usual”. We go live to the nearby cemetery, where our reporter is having his brain chewed on by an undead.
“Thank you. I’m here with… what did you say your name was?”
“BRAIIINS!”
“Of course. I’m here with the late Mr. Smith, who appears to have taken quite a liking to my brains. See here, even now, watch as he bashes my skull in with a wooden-…”
*THWACK*
*runs over and trys to turn off the camera but is also taking a liking to the brains of the newscaster*
nomnomnomnom
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RUN! RUN! RUN!
A dead body found in a graveyard could mean the found someone that just got killed there
Airport in Paris, not CDG.
“I once was lost, but now I’m found dead.”
Was blind but now I see.
Lazik?
fakes it?
Wakes it?
takes it?
Makes it?
Fuxxit?
Judy!!!
You’re going to get us an xx rating.
Bakes it?
Hey! That was old Latin for “lakes it”…
Lake shit?
Bang bang bang ……………… bang bang bang bang……!!!!
Ow! I’ve been hit! Repeat! I’ve been hit!
See? This is why we have so many dead in the graveyards. Tks!
No, we have so many dead in the graveyards because whenever we try to move into the apartment next door you living folk get all panicky and violent.
Can I be your neighbor?
Would you be be neighbor?♪♪
clickie!
I love it zooomz I booked marked it. Bang bang you are dead walk to graveyard pleas and take A Tiller The Pun >ZAP!< Dot Org with you LOL
Hey!
… is for horses.
Bee!
***steps softly in graveyard….*
***takes A Tiller the Pun’s space*
***Tiller says “Hey”
How fun!
I know, but I did mine, and tried to send it.
Here goes:
Here lies Zooomz
Lived to FAIL
Failed to Win
Until finally: tombstone win!
Don’t spend all day there, ZA
LOL im from Potters Bar
I’m AT Potter’s Bar…
I’m Potter!
Bloody hell… do you have the… the… *points to forehead*
Shhhh! Someone might hear!!!
Come here, listen…(whisper, whisper).
Understand? Now, scoot.
I HEARD THAT!!!!!
Really? Because I didn’t.
*looks confused*
*confused by Shadow’s confusion*
Here, I’ll explain in mime.
*gesticulates wildly*
*occasionally flashes cards*
*becomes more confused*
I’m Spartacus.
I am also from Potters Bar! Go Hertfordshire!!
Cant place the shop though
Dead man in graveyard.
Obviously a zombie.
Lose something, ZA?
Don’t forget me.
Totally off-topic warning: The other day one of the guys I work with told me that for Halloween he’s going naked wearing rollerblades, dressed as a pull-toy. I haven’t been able to get the picture out of my head since, so I thought I’d share it with all of you.
Where do you live again? I want to make sure I am faaaaaaaaar away from that!!
The mental pic is priceless!
The one I have is disturbing….and seems like it would be painful.
I’m too scared to 1magine the fellow lest my brain explode.
Luckily he’s good-looking, so it’s a fun mental picture. I can’t look at him without laughing, though. He keeps making cracks about roller skates, so on my lunch today I bought him a pull-toy.
*SNORK!*
He could wear the g-string from yesterday’s fail to really make the costume.
*snork!*
*roffle*
Maybe I should show it to him.
Or he could put a box with potting soil on a cord around his neck, with a sign arrow pointing down and the words “petting zoo”……
*sighs with regret*
I hafta go clean the apartment now.
*pouts*
I also hafta go to the store. In the rain.
Today feels like a Monday to me.
*squeeze*
Oh, sadness! And on a Friday night, too.
*squeeze*
*sympathysqueeze*
Thank you, all of you!
*squeezes back*
Now, back to the cleaning.
(The trek to the store nearly killed my umbrella.)
Allright, it’s time to say goodbye. Have a splendid weekend and thank you all for the great party! Can somebody please squeeze Dragon on my behalf?
*goodbyesqueezes*
CRAP!! I missed Arthur’s birthday party!!
Phoo.
Well, here’s a very, very *HAPPYBIRTHDAYSQUEEZIE* for you…I hope you see it, sweet stuff!
*happybirthdaySMOOCH!*
I missed it too. *happybirthdaytoArthurSqueeze*
AA already did the birthday-kiss honors for you, but I’m sure Arthur won’t mind the duplication of efforts!
Well, I smooched Arthur for ya…I’ll give you his squeeze.
*ska-WEEEEEEEEEZE*
Here’s a *squeeze* for you from Arthur.
*squeeze*
The second one was from me.
Heehee! Thanks all.
*smooches and squeezes for everyone*
Bye! Have fun!
*squeeze*
“Ode to Fail” – Shadow
Oh crap, it’s a hill!
Gonna make it! Almost there! …
We didn’t make it.
Whoops. Wrong fail…
It’s been a long day…
Fitting for FailBlog though.
Yeah…
Still, I had fun writing the haiku.
They don’t get much action in that town.
Did he die?
I just had to…
I think is more like a murderer win. He was being nice and putting the guy closer to where he could be buried.
My local newspaper is on failblog. WIN.
Its the Potters Bar edition what do you expect…
NO WAY! O.O
Looking at it, it appears that this is a bar sign. I’m not sure if that’s classified as a fail.
Potter’s Bar is a place in Middlesex, England, not a bar.
I pity da fail!
“I had to do something to get my mind off the Nobel Peace Prize.”
Just for a laugh, consider this: on the same day Obama won the “peace” prize, he bombed the moon. ;-D
the moon men started it
notice it says “porter’s bar edition” and the box says “Welwyn & Hatfiel” i think it is supposed to be a “fake” version of the newspaper and is supposed to have stupid news. however everyone assumes that it is a real publishing company, when it is a bar.
OOMFGGGGG PHOTOSHOPPED
Idiots saying it’s a bar sign: you’re wrong, Potters Bar is a place in South East England (Hertfordshire county), near Welwyn & Hatfield. Try researching before you claim it’s fake.
Man they are really getting desperate.
Did he die?
no, it was a zombie!
thats a surprise.
reminds me of the joke where people are dying to get into the cemetary.
NO SHIT!
new story: kid was found in a school!
following that: grass found in garden!
Later @ 10, Dying senior citizen found in hospital.
NO F***ING WAY!!!
Did the Dead Man found in graveyard dieded?
OMG that’s from where I live!!
captain obvious strikes again
Now why in the hell would there be a dead man in a cemetary? This is clearly fake.
“Hey bob look at this for our headline!”
“*reads* Now Joe, I want you to read that through to yourself. Very, slowly.” rofl
Should i report when i see a living man in my living room?
OMFG I used to live in Welwyn G C!
You have got to be kidding me!
Where else do ya find them?
Wow that’s my hometown!! Never thought I’d see lil ol’ Potters Bar on a big ol’ American website like this one. Awesome.
Yeah… fail!
please tell me people are not that stupid