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Now — you will stay in the Comfy Chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven. Unless you confess.
*confesses*
Be seated.
Forgive me Aja, for I have sinned. It’s been 22 years since my last confession.
*remembers he is not catholic*
*panics*
*puts on straight face*
Tell me your sins, young lady.
*suddenly appears in front of Aja*
Heretic! You are not really a priest! Stand aside!
*climbs into confession box*
Now then, my child, what do you have to say?
I’ve blasphemed at least twice…
.
I’ve coveted my neighbour’s
donkeycar.I’ve worshiped a false idol,
.
What would you have me do father? Shall I recite some Hail Mary’s and all is forgiven?
Hmmmm…
*ponders for a bit*
You must recite 17 Hail Mary’s, perform 34 cartwheels, drink 4 glasses of milk in 30 seconds, and read Genesis backwards. In the dark. That should be enough to appease The Lord.
If I read Genesis backwards, will it sound satanic like a Madonna CD? I wouldn’t want to be the devil’s servant.
Going back to the beginning from the end of the beginning?
That does sound devious.*
______
*Synonyms: roundabout, involved, tortuous.
Id be more worried about the 4 glasses of milk in 30 seconds, though you didnt specify size so i guess thats fine……..
*Grabs a shotglass*
[i]muahahahaha[/i] If that works im glad….
dammit.
Sorry, but there is only one punishment here in Castle Anthrax.
Fail blog’s standards are declining in my opinion…
You assume that failblog has any standards …
Gotta love month python
Monty*
*, Full
**, The
I think month Python is an excellent idea. We can all wear white handkerchiefs on our heads for a month and recite Monty Python sketches.
And ask random people on the street “Dinsdale?” or “Are you the brain specialist?”. Look at my avatar for the suggested look.
It’s Gumby! *praises the lord*
NURSE!!!! NURSE!!!! TAKE MISTER GUMBY TO DA BRAIN SPESHULIST!
WE FORGOT THE ANAESTHETIC!!!
*Gumby doctors call for anaesthetic*
ANAESTHETIC! ANAESTHETIC!
IT’LL HAVE TO COME OUT!
WUT? OF MY HED?
YES!
I’M GOING TO OPERATE!!!
*wields hacksaw haphazardly*
TAKE DE FLOWERS AND ARRANGE DEM IN DE JAR!
NICELY!
And now, a sketch about ARCHITECTS!!! ARCHITECTS!!!
*points upwards*
But first, the marathon for incontinents..
And…they’re off and..straight into the loo! These must be the weakest bladders I’ve ever seen.
I want to buy a hedgehog just so that I can name it spiny norman.
Give the rack…
..a turn!!
NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise…surprise and fear…fear and surprise…. Our two weapons are fear and surprise…and ruthless efficiency…. Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency…and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope…. Our *four*…no… *Amongst* our weapons…. Amongst our weaponry…are such elements as fear, surprise…. I’ll come in again.
Uh..nobody…(expects!)…nobody expects..the..uh..spanish..(inquisition!)..inquisiton.
Nobody expects the Sp –
*”THE END” appears on screen*
Oh, bugger!
And if you do not confess, we shall have to poke you with the soft squishy cushions!
Did you bunch it all up in one corner?
She is made of harder stuff! Cardinal Fang! Fetch…THE COMFY CHAIR!
hot.
NOW- you will stay in the comfy chair until lunchtime with only a cup of coffee at eleven!!!
The waterwheelchair boarding is done outside.
*imagines wheelchair user enaged in an activity similar to wakeboarding*
*imagines wheelchair user enraged by torturous spelling*
..like a fine wine
“Don’t play me non o’ that white noise, sucka”
thirdthirdthirdthird
._.
How dare you!
I demand to get in!
Or, wait…
That is racism. Why can’t deficients be tortured like everyone else?
Someone doesn’t know the meaning of the word racism…
Wheelchair users aren’t a race of people.
The word you’re looking for is discrimination.
Exactly. It’s a pet peeve of mine that people attribute any form of discrimination to “racism”. It’s not racism. Racism is making a clear distinction between two races, in a prejudiced way.
You mean like if I prefer Belmont Park over Churchill Downs…
or The Indianapolis500 Vs. the Daytona 500… or
*gasp*
(CAR) RACISM!
Now you start to understand Nascar’s dirty little secret.
Given the silliness of the comment, they could know that and be joking. At least I hope they’re either joking or not breeding.
lol i should pay more attention to biology, never knew people in wheelchairs are a specific race of human beings xD
you fool!
oh, btw *SLAP!*
I am from U.S sorry for my dumbness but it’s normal here in the Unitid Statez Of Amarica.
oh my, a huge pitfall of racial posturing has openned before me..
..must.. ..avoid..
*decides to play dumb*
You should have paid more attention in anthropology – races are a cultural construct, not a biological one.
*waves the checkered flag for bigred*
Wheelchair races use separate bathrooms. Especially right BEFORE the race.
it’s harder to torture wheelchair users
why? just push them down the stairs.
pop one tyre perhaps..?
Or put a stick in one of the spokes.
Or give them a lapdance.
okok so it’s really easy to torture wheelchair users
. has got the point.
just put them in that Escher drawing of stairs
Glorious WIN!
I’d sue , I would want to be tortured just like everybody else
wow….. not sure if id want to be tortured anyway even IF in a wheel chair
Is it because they’ve already been tortured by everyone staring and laughing at them?
No, they’ve already been tortured in the torture chamber. That’s why they’re in wheelchairs…
wheelchair torture? i like to see that
even in this day and age disabled people continue to be disciminated against
Lucky Wheelchairers
Good Morning Regulars
*squeeze*
Wheelchairs have their pros and cons.
pros:
1. ride everywhere
2. get to sit all the time
3. safety
cons:
1. can’t play that many sports
2. can’t feel anything from below the waist
3.
safetyCon #2 does depend on the injury;
Patient wakes..
Pat. “Doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
Doc. “I really sorry to tell you, we had to amputate your hands.”
adds ‘m
*adds ** *
ShadowSniperDude – Not everybody in a wheelchair is paralyzed (goofball) and some wheelchair users do play sports! This was an incredibly stupid list-but at least you got #3 right.
WIN
*looks around*
Where?
*notes logbook*
This sign is at Warwick Castle in England. It’s a very small and narrow staircase down to the torture chamber. I also took a picture of it because it was hilarious.
I’ve actually been to Warwick Castle, but I was pretty small when I went, and I wasn’t really interested in failed signs. There was a bloke in an executioner’s uniform who’d pretend to execute random people who were queueing up. I was terrified I would be picked.
You! Yes, you! The one with the knotted handkerchief on your head!
*executes BFF*
AAAAAAH!!!
.
My brain doesn’t hurt anymore!
Hmm, I thought I’d seen a sign like that in Medieval Times too.
I realized that myself (that it was a sign at a castle in England) the moment I saw it! I shouted to my girlfriend and asked where we might have seen this sign, she says, “England?” It was 5 years ago otherwise I would have remembered the castle name as you did, good job! I also have a picture of it and the torture chamber
I am having trouble deciding if I should put my picture on failblog or engrish funny. It’s bottled apple juice and printed on it says “Contains concentrate, Argentina, and China”
sounds funny … I’d vote for it on Failblog
Submit it to both…
Damn, that must be a huge bottle of apple juice!
unconstitutional!
No! You cannot deny wheelchair users the right to get tortured! What if they want to be horribly mutilated?
It should say:
Torture Chamber
Unsuitable for
Anyone
Sounds like this is a handicap accessible fail to me.
I love castles never seen one in real life but it is my dream to go across the big pond and visit. Which country has the most castle, anyone?
Country or county? Country would be England though most are derelict, and county would be round Yorkshire, plus the have some lovely hills. (Shameless England Tourism Plug) and then you get to spend the night out getting drunk and rowdy with your friends in a lovely spot along side the river and then retire to your hotel wondering what the next glorious windy, wet, cold, bone-chilling day will bring
lol, i think it england
I think you accidenty your England.
I’m pretty sure this is at Medieval Times.
Handicapped Win!
WIN for wheelchair users = no torture for them!
no more than one torture at the time
I’ll let you all know that I come to failblog for the fail, but I stay for the comments.
Me too.
Me three!!!
Ha!
Enjoy your torture, small bathroom stalls, and crappy parking walkies!
well thats not fair. People in wheelchairs should have the same right to be tortured as the rest of us.
WTF? torture sign is G-Rated?
It’s a sad sad day when S&M brothals have to put up health warnings.
What a relief for the disabled! =))
Soldier “The prisoner has just come out of his coma”
Prisoner “The last thing i remember was a bang. S$?% your the enemy”
Soldier “What was your mission?
Prisoner “I’ll never tell you anything.
Soldier 2 “We have ways of making you talk”
Prisoner “Oh noes. I can’t feel my legs”
Soldier. ” F@%&, S$?%, Hell & Heck”
Soldier 2 “Maybe we need a better method than toe tickle torture!”
Sorry for not even attempting to be funny, but isn’t this a sign in the Tower of London? I think I recognise it (and it’s funny live too)…
центрифугат зеленый лазер 545 нанометр.