Cow Sex Fail
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i am so very scared
You’re not amoosed then?
This is an udder disgrace!
Someone should through the book at this cop. A leather-bound book perhaps?
Someone steered this guy wrong at an early age.
Dairy’s no doubt about that!
The MUuuuuuuuuuuu Muuuuuuuuuuuu sound was his fetish
Lots of puns are fun I guess but did everyone read why the tapes were found in the first place? He and his girlfriend are suspected of molesting …..
not one, not two, but three young girls.
Ever get sick of the sick people in this world?
I know I do
Hey, he’s a police man, it’s okay. Someone’s gotta do the dirty work.
i didnt know this was illegal i gotta get rid of my tapes. >.<
I wonder who he was going to re-veal the tapes to.
Oh, it was meant to be part of a quiet evening – turn down the lights, pour the Beefeater gin, watch the video…
It’s weird cows got him so horny.
Cud someone explain the attraction to cows??
Hay its along story Ima guessing.
I think we’ve milked these puns long enough!
Why Elsie would he get blown by a cow?
So this guy put his job at steak, just to get some tail?
I hope the new fail shows up soon…this one’s giving me nightmares…
There’s no need to hide this fail.
he would hoof gotten away with it too if he herdn’t taped it.
in soviet russia cows milk youuuuuu!!!
Laaaaaaaaaaaaame
iNdeed!
I will never stand for moolesters
Just wait till the cows come home …
it was probably that cow from fam guy that was abused
Wait calves have teeth right? Why would you let them “taste” your genitals?
Best not to think too deeply about that. You’d be a mad cow if you do.
The whole story seems to be tongue in cheek.
I find it bovine.
Kind of a rib-tickler.
I think you mean hoof in mouth.
I am a mad cow!!!! He’s not even good looking!!
*shudders*
They are used to sucking milk.. so… yeah.
So was it a Moooooving violation?
Why buy the cow if you get the sex for free?
Don’t have a cow, man.
Guess the problem – he had several cows.
Moo means yes…
Isn’t love bovine?
(oh darn! Must read all comments before commenting! Sorry for stealing your pun…)
Heh! That was me yesterday, ruining a pun run.
then i say MOOOO!
Well, now we know why happy cows come from California. Did you notice that the story was in Mount Holly….. HE DID!
If they went all the way, there might even be a New Jersey in a few months.
I am SO ashamed to be from the town where the guy is from. he gives ALL central and south jersey people an even more worse name than we have right now!
an to think we’d have never known had you not got on an told us…that is just MOO-ronic..
♪ My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, ♪
And they’re like…. puzzled… or tormented…
WIN.. the GREATEST WIN.
Why by the cow if you get the milk for free?
… “buy”, even.
“buy odd”
This is bull !
This is the first time I’m ever commenting on a fail but…. WOW…. that guy is messed up!
What’s next, chickens?
Q. Why did the pervert cross the road?
A. He couldn’t get his dick out of the chicken.
WIN!
agreed
Funny cops you got there over in the U.S.
Ours might get caught molesting children- but it is quite rare that one molests cows.
We like diversity.
And cows ?
Really just the calves. Of course when I “like a calf” it’s called veal….
Apparently.
I prefer cops that molest cows over cops that molest children.
Hmmm… Yeah … I prefer my cops molestless
WIN!
He actually molests both calves & kids (human ones, don’t know about goats)
WIN!
Good morning all. Hells bells and cow bells one crazy dude.
Maybe he was trying to give a cow a milk mustache.
I wonder if the same indeterminate conesent will apply to the 3 girl’s investigations… I am guessing no.
Someone mistakenly put ‘Fail’ instead of ‘Win’. As you may have noticed: The charges were droped.
It’s a “possibility of consensual sex” fail.
While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation. Cowboy: “Hey, nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?”
Indian: “Dog no talk.”
Cowboy: “Hey dog, how’s it going?”
Dog: “Doin’ alright.”
Indian:( Look of shock )
Cowboy:”Is this Indian your owner?” ( Pointing at the Indian )
Dog: “Yep.”
Cowboy: “How does he treat you?”
Dog: “Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.”
Indian:( Look of disbelief )
Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your horse?”
Indian: “Horse no talk.”
Cowboy: “Hey horse, how’s it going?”
Horse: “Good.”
Indian:( Extreme look of shock )
Cowboy: “Is this your owner?” ( Pointing at the Indian )
Horse: “Yep.”
Cowboy: “How does he treat you?”
Horse: “Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me.”
Indian:( Complete look of utter amazement )
Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”
Indian: “Sheep liar.”
*snork!*
A shorter version, even if it’s not as funny:
Do you know why Scots started wearing kilts?
Because the sheep started running whenever they heard a zipper.
Agh Scotland where men are men and sheep are frightened
HAHA, I’m not into prefab jokes, but this is a good one.
Ewwwwe!
A farmer was in a bar drinking and looking all depressed.
His friend asked him why he was looking depressed and he replied, “Some things you just can’t explain. This morning I was outside milking. As soon as the bucket was fill the cow kicked it down with his left foot so I tied up his left to a pole.
I began to fill up the bucket again and he kicked it down with his right foot, so I tied his right to a pole too.
As soon as I finished milkin” him again he knocked down the bucket with his with his tail and I took off my belt and tied up his tail with my belt.
As I was tying up his tail, my pants dropped down, then my wife came out and well, trust me, some things you just can’t explain!
Basic understanding of the gender necessary to milk a cow fail.
Hah! A long German version of this joke is my all time favorite joke!
If he was trying to milk a “he” cow, then it’s little wonder the cow was kicking…
This happened in Chicago, too. Johnny B (a local DJ) wrote a song about it. Moo-Moo, I Love You! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPeLwEUNZtU
This guy clearly has a problem! Waving your genitalia (maybe I misspelled that) around in the face of anyone or any animal has got to be annoying just on principle. As to the videos with the girls, I hope they throw a leather bound book at him and put him in jail with the general population. Cows generally sleep at night. Did he wake the cows up? Surely that would be considered annoying the animals. Has anyone looked into the sexual proclivities of the judge?
Some slaughterhouses run cattle, alive, through boiling water up to their necks so that their hair will come off in preparation for turning the skins into leather. I spoke to a woman who had witnessed this. She had a hard time talking about it.
But what this guy did…well, that’s just criminally cruel, isn’t it?
There is not a slaughterhouse in America that does this. Animals ARE NOT treated in an inhuman fashion at slaughterhouses. Anybody who tells you different is lying to you. Often, these ppl are associated with various animal rights groups. This kind of misinformation really makes me want to stick a fork in a person instead. When it comes down to it, it’s about money. God knows P.E.T.A is not a cheap organization to run.
No, there is not a slaughterhouse that will ADMIT to doing this.
The woman who told me about it was in her mid-sixties, a die-hard Republican, and certainly not a PETA type (neither am I, by the way).
I have no reason to doubt her.
And yes, when it comes down to it, it’s all about money.
Look..I don’t want this to turn into a pro-PETA, anti-PETA debate. I recognize the need for animal testing. I am a vegetarian, but my kids are not, so I buy meat. I am not the person you take me for.
I spent 18 years in the baking industry, in three different facilities. I’m an AIB certified production baker. In all that time I never saw an FDA inspector, nor did anyone I ever met in the industry, and during my stint at AIB I met a lot of bakers from a lot of different companies.
What you think goes on in food processing plants and what actually goes on are two different things.
I just love the statement he wouldn’t face criminal charges because the grand jury couldn’t determine whether the cattle consented…really????
I mean, they didn’t run away did they? We already established that moo means yes, so how could we know? He did manage to get at least one woman from New Jersey to (presumably) do similar things. Maybe he just has a way with the ladies?
Well, I can’t speak for them, but MY moo does NOT mean yes… Besides, he’s not my type…
*makes copy of article*
*sends to butter family*
It must be very difficult not to make “cow eyes” at someone when they are the only ones you have.
Yeah, anyone who reads the article can tell that it’s obviously fake…
100% true. Google “cop sex cow.”
The tape of the guy with the cows was found when the police were investigating him on child molestation charges.
If the man wasn’t a cop he would be in jail right now. The whole “can’t determine if cows consented” is just BS the judge is using to protect his own.
indeed
So would this make him a moo-lester?
Pig and cow = bad mix
just cause the charges were dropped, doesn’t mean the pants didn’t.
I just want to know if the cow spit or swallowed. And was she good looking at least?
You know this guy had to quit his job, because otherwise his fellow officers would be like, “Mornin’, Bob. Mooooooooo!”
*can’t stop snickering* Win.
Does this mean I can go on my dream date after all?? Joy!
That’s a double fail, that could have stood on its own as a mustache fail!!
Does anybody else get the giggles over the “moonlight tryst” part of the story? (And shouldn’t it be “moooonlight”?)
Welcome to Moo Jersey…
MOOOOOrestown Moo Jersey.
I’m sure the calves made eye contact first, that turned him on.
All of em running naked and all… Boys will be boys
Given the last paragraph, it doesn’t surprise me that the cows were referred to as “calves”. Consenting or not, they weren’t adults, so it should still be illegal (and should be anyway).
legal age of consent in NJ is 18 but it is not illegal at 16, which is already pretty old for a cow.
Following link gives a picture of his girlfriend which gives a whole new perspective to the story.
http://www.truecrimereport.com/2009/09/nj_cop_robert_melia_taped_havi.php
I’m reminded of a line from a favorite book. The book is titled In Death Ground. One of the military officers in it is a Russian. When he has a drink with someone he usually says “Ty chto mumu yebyosh?” which is translated literally as “Why are you ****ing a cow?”
Err, holy crap, I live in Cinnaminson (it borders Moorestown), and I remember this happening.
Damn I live in Moorestown NJ and I don’t remember this. Thank god.
He got away with it, so this is a win unfortunately
New Mr Hands? ._.
and this just validates the failness of failblog. this article was up on fark long before here. /sigh
And we all know that things can only be posted to the internet once. Then they expire.
Apparently the judge is not convinced it was a cow sex fail, it could very well be a cow sex win in his unearthly wisdom…
Oh come on, he couldn’t tell if the cows had consented to it?!
only in Jersey…
i love living in Jersey
Bottle calves will suck on just about any thing. They arn’t to picky… or exactly gentle so I’m not sure WHY but farm boys have been sticking their junk in calves mouths forever.
Yah, it’s bizar, but not exactly unheard of.
Now, in my opinion, when it says “Mount Holly” (N.J) I don’t think they meant Holly the Cow… any one else think this?
hope he read the cows their “Moooranda rights” before the act.
confused cow was girlfriend
I’d show the tapes to the husband (da bull) and let it loose to do some justice.
Thanks For This Thread
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One of the better examples of spambots’ poor judgment… out of all the things the Blown Ranger has to be embarrassed about, I think premature ejaculation is pretty low on the list.
Please tell me again why people think it is a good idea to only allow cops to carry guns and not private citizens???
everybody is talking about the cow thing, whose kinda pissed about him molesting little girls
With a name and a picture? Hell, if I were that guy, I’d probably never hit the damn street again to let people see me. This guy’s probably gonna have a laughing finger pointed at him whenever he shows up in public.
only in jersey will cows have the possibilty to give concent to sex.
Cow Sex Fail?
More like Bestiality Frosecution Pail.
ummm Prosecution Fail???
MOO means MOO!! XD
cowagra?
Ah hmm…. I bet his mama is mighty proud!
uhhh….. eww?
EPIC FAIL.
This guy needs to get neutered, and I don’t mean vasectomy’d I mean full on castrated so there is nothing left down there but a waste disposal.
Yo, this guy is seriously my neighbor. I said hello to him every morning for the last 15 years.
Only in New Jersey
Don’t you mean MOO Jersey?
Did they came?
O……M……G!!!!!!!
Makes Me Think…What Was The Locals Getting From This Cow…Milk Or….EWWWW
yes he also worred a cow costume
Doesn’t he know that moooo means no.
Hmmm I wonder where I can get a copy of this video he made? Bwah ha ha ha!
There was another dude from Jersey who kidnapped a black girl, and kept her locked in a shipping container, in his back yard. He just told his wife to stay away from the container. He had a dog in the box, too. The dog would bite the girl, if she got off the bed (there was a bed in there). This guy wasn’t a cop, but he would have made a really good one, don’t ya think? That’s thinking out side the box!
only in new jersey
He did some Mookake…
Seriously, they let anybody become cops these days.
The grand jury can talk to cows! I want to talk to cows. Moooo!
pfft.. whatever..that fat cow is lucky anyone talked to her! I did her a favor!
LMFAO
oh wow ….
He’s just a loser who can’t get laid by a male or female, so he screws cows.
oh don’t you worry your pretty little heads, this man will be sodomized by the long arm of the law. <3
oh those cops in new jersey
0.0 what is wrong with society? omfg… He was screwing cows… HE WAS SCREWING COWS!!!! seriously… wtf…
not screwing them … he just let them lick his balls ..
This is disgusting.. he should be in prison.. or a mental institution.. he is obviously disturbed. He has previous for molesting three young girls.. I mean seriously!
Eeew! Gross! What, was he dropped on a head as a child or something?
its Farva, from supertroopers
Turns out it was just his wife