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hell yea
Definitely a painful faceplant…I’m almost immune to these sorts of things now.
–
Even these manboobs don’t faze me anymore!
good lord… give some warning, willya?
don’t worry folks. It was supposed
supposed to what?
Supposed to find the holy grail in the Castle of Aaauuuggghhh… ”
*pops back outta empty room*
WHOA NELLIE!!!!!
*hands Gracie a holy quail*
Why thank you!
*can’t stop smiling*
Yep, spear’s feeling, umm, I mean looking a lot more polished now!
Yes, it is, and I must say that the no-pants look is a good one for you!
*twirls WN’s pants around her finger by belt loop*
Wow, I’m setting fashion trends now?
That you are.
*pinches Brewski’s cheeks*
*doesn’t say which ones*
I know which ones…
*smooch*
Fail plant yourself !
OoOoOoOh!
No, it’s Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh, from the throat.
No, Ooooooh!, as in surpise and alarm.
Monty Python are the best ^_^
So the word “manboobs” wasn’t warning enough for ya? Man, some people are stupid AND spoiled!
While I’ll admit to being stoopidt, I ain’t old enough to be spoiled.
Yet.
Oh man, that made me cringe… it was worse than a hit in the nuts.
Did he think no-one would notice that he fell when he just didn’t move a muscle?
ramp-age
Face plantage.
Ramp-rage?
Turn another page on the teenage rampage now.
I;m just a teenage rampage baby.
dam-age
low mental-age
missing tooth-age
dimwit-age
under over-age
stoned-age.
cask-age(d)
acher-age.
Anchor-age, AK
Face plant to the extreme.
Cowabunga?!?
*headramp*
Rampant.
*ptoooey!*
Rampart?
*oochie!*
rampart to engine 51, we have an emergency.
OMG!! Flashback!
Emergency One!
OMG!! Nurse Dixie!!
Eh?? You’ll have to speak up, lassie! These ears o’ mine don’t work like they used to!!
*hobbles over to stove for some warm milk*
*thwacks Brewski with cane*
Turn that dad-gummed music down and GETTOFF MY LAWN!!
*looks up from cross stitch hoop*
Eh? What’s that?
*squints at broken watch*
About 8.30.
*covers lap with crocheted afghan*
*pushes cheaters up on nose*
*pulls Snuggly® more snugly around her*
*tunes-in Judge Judy*
She’s a whipper-snapper, that one!
*helps Brewski to stove*
*whips off his pants*
*runsawayquicklike*
I have one of Julie London’s records. The photo of her in tights does not look the least bit medical.
I LOVED that show!
Can you believe the reason that they gave for cancelling it was too much violence?!
It’s Shredder! Bogus!
Good thing he’s wearing a helmet!
Although a welding mask might have done more good.
Like the one in failblog.org/2009/06/25/welding-safety-fail/
This guy didn’t have the arc for a welding mask.
Shocking!
welding mask? he should’ve worn a suit of armor
It’s just a flesh wound!
Stand aside, worthy adversory!
*goes to visit spelling advisor*
there could be adverse reactions.
The advantages are overwhelming though.
With the advent of spellcheck, I have hope.
I’m getting a headache.
*takes Advil*
Perhaps an ad hoc meeting is necessary?
Sunglasses will help.
*offers aviators*
He was also lucky not to be struck by lightning.
DOT ORG!
Clean up aisle 2.
When I think of FailBlog, I think of the bike fails.
Wonder why that is…
You’re a pedalphile?
snork!
Maybe because he’s the spokesperson.
Oh come on! You’re pulling my chain.
*gears up for a good pun run*
have a seat, khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.
The force is Lance Armstrong with this one….
I can’t shake the impression that this run has derailed somewhat.
yes, it is tired.
The movie Face Off come to mind.
John Travolta’s career has gone downhill.
Even scientology won’t help.
Nicolas Cage’s skull is gonna burn.
That’s just reminded me of the film Know1ng…
Good film, until the “OMGitwasallaliens” ending.
*scratches that movie off the nexflix list*
No, you gotta watch it. It’s very interesting Judy.
life and senseless ramblings of sarah palin?
Who?
Hey, thanks for ruining that movie for me.
BRUCE WILLIS IS DEAD THE WHOLE MOVIE!
Apollo 13 makes it back safely
Horton saves the Whos.
Ending was definitely ruined.
Haven’t seen that movie. Thanks for giving us a spoiler alert.
To Jon’s defense, it’s been out a while…right? *grin*
Yes it has. It’s been out on DVD for a few months even.
Only $9.66/$10.88/$13.86/$14.66 at a Wal*Mart near you!
and who do you work for, Jon?
Do they even have Wal*Mart across the pond?
yeah, it’s called Asda.
Good thing I wasn’t going to watch it anyway.
If it’s aliens, I’ll watch it on cable.
It was the cripple!
holy crip its a crapple
idiot he was sliding on his face. theres no helmet like that saves you from a fall like that
captain obvious is obvious
so obvious we need to borrow his helmet to protect us from the obvious.
amazon.com/Bell-Bellistic-Bike-Helmet/dp/B000BPD9KC/ref=pd_rhf_shvl_4
powersportsmax.com/product_info.php/cPath/33-50/products_id/1780
And by “obvious” they mean “wrong”.
Obviously
Yup, i filmed this and now he has a fullface hemet. (:
is he ok?
Yowch!
Cowabunga?
I don’t know. I just don’t know how to react to these extreme sprorts people falling over fail. A fail that lacks irony isn’t deserving of this website in my eyes. So my cowabunga was completely fececious.
I’m similarly non-enthused … looking once more to the comments for the source of the actual entertainment on this site. So my cowadunga would likewise be completely feces-ous.
*sigh*
At least we’ve got ourselves for entertainment. I might actually have to get some work done!
WHAT?
“Work”. It’s… um… it’s… hold on!
*flips through dicitionary*
Lessee… it says, “Energy expended by natural phenomena”. Since the wind is blowing, I guess my work is done here!
All I want to know is, who was responsible for Monday? And why?
a) God
b) He sometimes has a dark sense of humor
*snorkroffle*
♪I don’t want to start any Blasphemous Rumors, but I think that God’s got a sick sense of humor, and when I die, I expect to find him laughing♫
It’s Arthur’s fault.
*sends smoochies and squeezes to Germany*
Teehee!
work is a 4-letter word.
That won’t do! FailBlog would lose its reputation as a slacker’s haven if anyone got any work done.
I got mine done before I came here today.
*nods*
Mine too! Now if I could just convince a few “special” people to get their time in on time, I might be able to get payroll numbers done on time this year.
I mainly just had to enter the drivers’ mileage from their sheets and make sure everything balanced out. We had one truck with 830 missing miles on it. Joy. Figured it out, though. Our main office has the hardest of the hard part at the end of fiscal year. We just need to make sure we keep everything current to help them.
I…um…lessee. Werk. I sort of ducked and covered because I gave my students their first papers back today. I think many of my students will now suffer extreme injuries to their eyeballs from the extreme eyerolling I got when I explained to them the difference between “revising” and “editing” for their second submissions.
You mean like this?
Ow!
Oh, are we all doing eye exercises now?
We’re on a
!
How many red pens did you go through?
DW uses a RED PEN??
*parochial school flashbacks*
*in fetal position, rocking*
Noop. I use a purple pen. Much nicer, really.
And I literally did drain one pen completely dry and had to stop and go find another before I could finish.
I did hear about the “movement” of teachers from red to purple. My brother used to teach, and he always had to have a purple pen.
Really?? There was a “movement”??
And here I thought I was being all subversive.
You were just ahead of the curve, as usual.
*looks down*
Actually, my curves usually are a bit ahead of me! :p
My wife uses a purple pen as well. She says she definitely understands your comment about “revising vs. editing” DW.
My favorite belle shape.
Okay, I have tried THREE TIMES to put a little winky-guy here, and the blogmonster has eaten every one. So here.
*WINK!!!*
*joins DW in blogmonster grumbling*
He’s eaten the last 3 hours! I’m pretty sure it was around 7pm here, but no! Night all, anyways.
Oh! I had trouble putting a single-smiley guy in a post a few days ago.
Take a deep breath.
*eyelidsmooch*
*snork!*
I handed first papers back five hours ago.
Three students have already dropped the class.
*snorkity-snorky-snork*
If the red pen is full of troll blood, your purple pen is full of bruised egos.
*snerk*
“Oh crap, this professor actual wants effort.”
I never could stand those people.
Yup – we’re related, DW. I do my edits in purple pen, too!
We’ll have to resort to playing with ourselves?
…and do some hornychat roleplay.
And rolechat hornyplay!
WooHOO!
*squeeze* I’m in!
That’s what he said.
*snerk-squeeze*
It’s better to play in a group than with yourself.
Dutch Rudder!
Depends on the group, I think.
I don’t think I should do that while I’m at work.
You would have a hard time explaining yourself if your boss should walk in on you.
It could potentially go on your permanent record.
Worse yet, I work in an open office. No cubicles or dividers of any kind. No way to hide anything at all.
That’s just not fair!
I know. Tell that to my boss, ok?
Actually, it depends a lot on who you work with.
My first programming job was in a large non-cubed room, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. We were a wild and crazy bunch
Those were the days….
Makes it fun to play volleyball with those spongy balls in an open cube setting.
We had a gradually escalating rubber band war one day. It got more and more treacherous, with larger and larger rubber bands and other objects inside the rubber bands, until we finally called it when I put a metal fork inside a BIG rubber band stretched on a metal ruler and aimed it.
Sigh…
*works with fuddy-duddies*
*pouts*
Well, that was then.
This is now.
*pouts along w/ Gracie… *
I work with 18 year olds.
*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh*
You mean 18 one year olds?
I completely disagree. I come to fail blog for the absolutely lowest humor I can get my eyes on. People running through automatic doors, bad translations from China and of course, people falling on their face getting knocked out instantly. Occasionally, you do get pure, sweet irony, but anything that showcases human stupidity is what I’m looking for when I visit this site.
So, for example, you think it’s funny to see somebody break their neck such that they are paralyzed for life? Hilarious.
It’s only funny until someone gets hurt… Then it’s hilarious!
it doesn’t count unless someone is left bleeding…
there is no irony unless you flip in ironstone… it’s painful to watch; even more painful to experience. I usually just flip on past.
epic facepalm
I thought it was more of a sliding faceplant.
…or a furrowed brow.
He’s definitely lost his groove.
Or a burrowed brow.
… or a trough’d plight.
he’s got a row to hoe.
*nods in agreement*
*squeezes jam*
*NOSTEALTHDIVINGTACKLESQUEEZE!*
*quickly jumps out of the way*
That’s gotta hurt. You OK there, sonny?
*prods Jon for reflexes*
*grave look*
He’s dead, Jam.
*hands Jon a container with BaconLube to preserve said organs*
Better get to the hospital soon. Hop on this bike and follow that course. *points to today’s fail*
Or a planting faceslide.
I think he was referring to himself.
Unique Stunt: Failed! Unique Landing: Success!
I believe the landing gear was stuck so he had to bring it down for a belly landing.
*belly laughs*
*rubs belly*
Hungry.
… slides pork bellies to leila.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
*starts to run away a la BFF*
I think it was stolen, piece by piece… tragic, that is.
What?! Do we have an ASCII thief loose on the blog? Is it LCB, or should I just blame Arthur??
I’d suggest blaming Arthur, but that’s just me.
Well, me and several others.
Everybody, actually.
LGB and WN tag teamed and took everything on my Name (required). Now I am all lost.
*sob* 
*sob* 
*rummages through WN’s pants*
*hands . the pieces of her name that WN stole*
*squeezes . *
*rummages through spam particles*
*grimmaces*
*hands . back her ♀*
I just can’t stand to see a grown woman cry!
Almost there. Thank you!!!!
Thanks but where is my name?
I haven’t seen it.
Trade ya’!
AHA!!!!
*runs and tackles Brewski with a lot of hurtyness*
*sits on him and removes Leila ♀ from his possession*
I am whole again and I am double the feminine!
*rinses and repeats what was done to Brewski but to LGB*
*panting*
Judy’s catch-phrase wanted on the set of bike-jump fail.
Apparently Judy-powered fails have been confined to the cone of silence. She’s had quite a dry spell!
Sometimes you just have to be smart enough to find Judy’s line fits everywhere.
Judy does have some fine … oh, you said fits …
BREWSKI!!
*SQUEEZE*
*SQUEEEEZE!*
Not a bad idea around here. Especially if somebody steals your pants.
*whistles innocently*
I don’t know why that’s shocking anymore, here at least.
I for one am flabbergasted!
*squeeze!*
Did you get the hubby to take you out on the town?
*squeezeback*
I was soooo exhausted that I was content staying home. We cooked a good meal and got some more stuff done for the big day.
How are things progressing with you and your friend?
Things are pretty good! We went to his place Saturday and cooked a pot roast, and watched his student films from when he was in film school. They were pretty good!
Very cool!!!
I had to kick the guy I was seeing to the curb. He turned out to be
crazier than mecrazy.Bummer!!
*squeeze*
*squeeze* No loss on my part, right?
True. You deserve the best!
only one thing worse than kicking a bum to the curb…
Kicking a thumb to the Serb?
Aw, sweetie…I’m sorry to hear that.
*cuddle-squeeze*
You definitely deserve better.
Avis! Does this mean you’re kinda-sorta-not-single-anymore? That’s great! But a loss to the bachelors of the world!
Sorry, but I haven’t kept up with your blog lately…
I haven’t written about it there, but yeah, you could say I’m “off the market” as of recently.
I really do need to update that blog, and soon!
Thank you!
There’s that silly grin again!
Woo, I’m so happy for you!
*can’t stop grinning either*
*squeeze!*
It even makes the weather bearable!
♪ ♥ is in the air ♪
♪ Can you feel the ♥ tonight? ♪
Put a little ♥ in your heart!
♪♥ is all you need! ♪
“The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no face-planting in the red zone.”
*snork!*
Sorry, Admiral, et al., feel free to go on without me. I just don’t care for this particular fail. I mean, the poor kid was obviously unconscious when he landed! I don’t find the humor here at all.
I thought so, too, but the arm movements seem directed.
Yes, he moved his arms after. I think fails like this are best when they add a clip at the end showing the person dusting themselves off, or some other action to show that they aren’t grievously injured. My first reaction is always, “Oh my gosh, I hope they aren’t hurt!” If it ends like this, we never know if he bounced up just fine, or if he needed a stretcher.
Sorry to be one of “those” posters. I’ll try to cheer up. I just could have used another Saturday or Sunday.
Sign me up for that!
*gets in line behind GS*
*wonders why there’s a ‘kick me’ sign on his back*
*decides not to tell him*
*gets in line behind LGB*
Um… LGB… that thong is supposed to go on the other way…
*gets in line behind Brewski*
*tries to pants Brewski*
Hey! What’s with this newfangled belt?!?! Don’t you trust us?
Would you trust us?
Worthy question. I guess I’ve just come to expect certain behaviours from you people
Us people!? US people? Aren’t YOU usually the one divesting Brewski of his pants??
*innocent look*
I honestly have no idea how you come up with such things! I am such a sweet and innocent person, I could never do anything like that!
I think Lurk/Gracie has her beaten, pants down.
*SNORK!!!*
It’s a talent.
*preens*
Hey, nice talent cha got there!
*whips WN’s pants off*
Thank you.
Flips through US magazine looking for pictures of Failbloggers
*takes off thong*
*replaces with nothing*
*shoots thong at Brewski like rubberband*
Wow! I’ll have to remember that trick.
*furiously scribbles notes*
*looks over Brewski’s shoulder*
That is NOT what happened Brewski!!!
*looks over Brewski’s shoulder*
Brewski! I did not “hand over my thong to you like a savage she-beast” and then “dance like a heathen in my all-together for your pleasure”!
*takes notes from Brewski*
*shreds for hamster cage*
*gives LGB two stars for recycling*
*takes stars so she can put them upon thars and be like the rest of the Sneeches*
*swipes back her :[*
*kicks GS and runs*
thanks LGB
No extra Saturday or Sunday for you!
*notices sticker on back*
*can’t quite reach it, circles round and round trying to*
*gets dizzy, falls on the floor panting*
*Unsuccessfully tries to stifle LOLS*
Dammit, LGB, you’re gonna get me in trouble!
hehehe … glad to be of service!
*snork*
Service!
*laughs uncontrollably*
*clutches sides laughing*
My gawd, you people are good for my heart.
*affectionate squeezes all around*
Please stop turning the room like that.
wasn’t there mention on the main site that it was ok to be concerned for the overall safety of others? So we don’t have to feel bad if we want to know if the kid is ok. I agree w/ Brewski, I like follow ups to know that they are ok. Then it’s like we are laughing w/ the person too.
I don’t think the kid is unconscious, especially not before landing. Seems to me that he had the presence of mind to turn his head sideways prior to landing and the video ends too early to confirm that his lights are out.
Unconscious or not this video made me CRINGE and feel a little pukey!
Triple Jump makes you go higher.
Especially if you’ve got the wing cap.
On the bright side, I doubt we’ll get any “That’s a WIN!” posts for this one.
Dry land bodysurfing WIN!
*still rofl’ing!*
Glad I could help.
That’s a WIN!
*squeezes Brewski*
*flees*
*runs and tackles Leila*
*tickles mercilessly*
*exterminates flees*
Hey! Those were my pets.
Hope you had a good vacation.
Starting a Circus?
No, just a market.
how bazaar!
Why is she stalling?
Maybe he doesn’t want to trifle with her?
I think because she feared what we had in store for her.
That suqs. Noone has anything to fear from us.
here we go again, shopping for puns.
pass the butter, please.
Well, what else are we going to do? Just stand around?
Maybe we could store the good ones for later?
If we don’t think of something else we’ll have to table the discussion.
You just mart-ch right over here, mister!
*smooch*
You’re a fair lass.
*smooch*
Why am I getting passed around again???
because the cream cheese was not found. …
(obscure frank zappa reference)
*measurably brightens*
*boops Brewski on the nose ever-so-gently for being gone from the blog for so long*
Welcome back!
*squeeze*
*rubs nose*
Thanks! It’s great to be back!
*squeeze!*
Read three mins ago. ^ Qu0n came close.
Awfully close!
*squeeze!*
How is everyone today?!
*squeeze!*
I don’t even have a case of the Mondays! I’m glad to be back, even if work is a hellhole.
*has a mild case of the Mondays*
But just a mild one.
*has a serious case of the shouldn’t have done that on the weekends*
My, my! And what did you do this weekend?!
Well Avis, What didn’t I do?
OoooOOoooh!
Dare I even ask for details?
Did you strip naked, cover yourself in ketchup, put a propeller-beanie on your head, and run in circles on the White House lawn?
What a waste of ketchup!
Oh no, i didn’t actually, I didn’t have the money for ketchup, or time for the 8 hour flight over to the States
But i did royally f*ck up my chances with ‘the one’
You know Neo?!?!
I’m sure he’ll forgive you.
Oh, I’m sorry! Maybe it’s not as bad as you think?
Neo’s mad at you?
Well we’re still on speaking terms, but it’s kinda awkward..
And as for Neo, we fell out years ago and he’s never apologised for killing my pet Mr Smith.
Ouch. I’m sorry to hear that.
*squeeze*
*selfpity-squeeze*
Man this is almost like watching a cartoon, funny as hell especially the text just at the end
Customer satisfaction rating is at an all time high.
Which must be a first around here!
I got the impression the satisfaction of the biker was lacking. He looked pretty limp.
*snork*
*snortsnork*
You can see that?
*searches for a magnifying glass*
Not that kind of limp. Perv.
Oh.
You guys are such a bad influence on me!
*squeeze*
*squeeze*
I try.
What’s really funny is I didn’t even intend any double entendre.
You perverts!
(see above comment ^^)
Everything here can be misconstrued to be a double entendre. Just accept it.
*squeeze*
I need to keep a firm grip on this post so there are no misconstrued meanings. It can be really hard though.
*squeeze!*
*reads, rereads and reads post again*
Oh, my…
*faints*
There certainly has been a lot of passing out lately. What is going on here?
*fans Judy*
Stay away from the light!!! Come back!
*breaks out the smelling salts*
There’s a serious case of the vapours around here! Someone crack a window!
Sorry, chili for lunch.
:sick:
Bukkit please!
Maybe someone’s preggo?
Boy! You really have been gone a while!
I know, but I’m sure I’ll rise to the occasion before long!
*squeeze!*
Is that a pickle or you just happy to see me??
Looks like everything’s kosher from here. Let me know if you need any help with that pickle…
That which lives in the water which neither scales nor fins you shall not eat, nor that pickle from the pockets of Brewski be fit for consumption?
You mean I can’t have Brewski’s pickle? What fun is that????
*chokecoughchoke*
*hands Gracie a shot of, well, you know…*
I thought that was normal!!
Suzie! Care for some roleplay hornychat?
*squeeze*
Anything with you, Brewski…
*squeeze*
Sorry folks. The roleplay hornychat room is
way.
But, Leila!! It was just getting good! If you let them stay I’ll share my popcorn?!
*follows arrow*
*walks into LOLcats*
*wonders why everyone is talking like a Furry*
*walks out*
Whaddafu? Leila!
No butter in the popcorn, k Ms B?
*voyeur mode*
Sorry LGB…it was an honest mistake. You and Brewki can go ahead and do your thing.
No butter?!?!?!?! Sacrilege!!!! Shuuuuuunnnnn!
But…but…but…butter ruins my popcorn.
I guess we will have to make two batches, one with and one without. Problem solved!
Fine. Only because this means I get more.
*squeeze*
*tries to follow Leila’s arrow*
*runs into wall*
Oh silly WN!! The paint is still wet on the wall.
Geesh.
*hangs (painted) head in shame*
Brewski and I were just getting started and you so rudely interrupted us! How ru….Popcorn!!! Butter on popcorn is a must…
I know, sounds a bit cannibalistic coming from a BUTTER cow…
*hears Twilight Zone theme music*
Nice, um… teats!
*regrets signing up for roleplay hornychat*
*Heads to Bawdy 1970s hospital* (clickie)
“about to”??
Nice, um…pickle!
DW…*snorkle*
DW, are you insinuating that my roleplay hornychat is anything less than supremely dignified and distinguished? That it is not the most intellectual and thought-provoking banter you’ve ever witnessed?
*waves pickle at Suzie*
NO! No, I’d never insinuate anything like that! I don’t see how you could think that!
He was playing dead so as to not arouse the attention of those watching his utter failure to land while still riding the bike…
Ad at the end, that you can not turn off or pause?
FAIL
pssst – try adblock
That’s brutal. I almost felt bad enough for him not to laugh hysterically, but not quite.
High AIR to Face Grind… difficulty rating 10/10
ROFL
For those that missed the announcement last fail, today is Get out the Vote Monday:
failpeeps.wordpress.com/
Please take some time to vote for the fails we like and against the fails that invite hate and stupidity.
Thank you.
*proudly displays “I voted” sticker*
*goes off to purchase an “I voted” sticker*
*Votes to ban “I voted” stickers*
*Receives “I voted” sticker*
*bans self*
I voted and even went a few pages back.
*proud as a peac0ck*
I voted…and there were some scary ones…
*shudders*
*looks for brain bleach*
*Passes “I Voted” stickers out to all the peeps who voted.*
*giddily giggles*
EEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! I want one! That’s why I voted!
Can’t I just get a purple finger?
*gives Ms B a sticker*
Sorry SuzieQ, I only have stickers. You’ll need to talk to Judy about fingers.
*jumps up and down excitedly*
IvotedsoIgetasticker! IvotedsoIgetasticker!
*tries to stick sticker on jumping Gracie*
Uhh, sorry about that. 
*accidentally sticks it to her..*
*stops jumping and looks down at sticker*
*rips sticker off and sticks it to her forehead*
I voted, about two pages worth, I hope it helps!
*belatedly gives Avis sticker*
Sorry, this one somehow got by me earlier.
Aww! Thankies!
GS, I didn’t know you passed those out.
*returns “I voted” sticker for a full refund*
*sticks new “I voted” sticker on forehead*
How come there aren’t any fails involving beer? Like once when I was homebrewing, I used too much 2-row malt, and my original gravity was 1.140, and then I added 50 IBU’s of Cascade hops, but the yeast gave out at 12% ABV, so it tasted like cough syrup!! HA HA HA HA!! Now that’s a good one!
You should have backed it up with a photo Brewski.
Heh, I’m the homebrew geek who actually laughed at that.
Believe me, it was no laughing matter. It could get you wicked drunk, if you didn’t throw it all up first. I dumped most the batch, or tried to pawn it off on foolhardy friends. “I dare you to drink the whole bottle!”
One of these days I’m going to learn how to make my own beer. It almost has to be cheaper than buying it at the store!
A little. But the equipment costs money. And once you get started, you always will want to get something upgraded. Like, once I was…
Ooooh! Look at the shiney wort-chiller!!!
Maybe I can get my best friend back home to sell me her ex-husbands beer gear. Of course, there is nowhere to use or store such equipment or product of said equipment in a one bedroom apartment!
Maybe I’ll just go to her house and make it there from time to time.
Good idea! Cheaper, and you don’t have to stink up your own apartment boiling the wort. Some people like their house to smell like a brewery, but I don’t.
boiling the wort?
*snarls lip*
Is that like 10000 XP plus instant Mana burn?
*Ahem*
Missed it by that much.
*Judy squeeze*
Crap, just saw that she didn’t like this fail.
‘okay, Emp. I’ve taken off my “care troll” hat and am determined to have some fun with you guys!
*pinch!*
*Pinch the man spare the finger?*
Glad you are with us.
I am just going to polish my spear here now.
I don’t think you’re supposed to tell us when you do that!
*Puts down shammy*
But I like to keep it in tip top shape. It is important to keep it shiny and clean.
*blinks*
*doesn’t know what to say*
*blinks again*
*Shows Avis the spear*
It is an ancient relic that has been in my family for years.
What did you think I was doing?
*heaves sigh of relief*
You really need to be more clear. Especially around this place!
Oh Avis! You just aren’t giving us enough credit. I knew exactly what he was referring to.
TeeHee!!!!
Uh-huh. Suuuuuurrre you did!
Bella! Mille bacioni per te.
Who let you into my mind? Second question, who allowed and performed the lobotomy?
*Ducks out of the way of the sigh*
Careful Avis.
I didn’t think it would take on a second entendre.
UH-OH More spear squeezes in the future than?
Just for you.
I just want to wish you both good luck. We’re all counting on you.
Surely you can’t be serious!
Don’t call me serious!
You poke your face in the ground you pay!
♪ P-P-P-Poker Face
P-P-P-Poker Face ♪
Poke-her-face?
That was just … bad.
*sends self to corner*
Ouch! That sucks.
SAFE!
This reminds me of playing Excitebike on the N64. Of course it hurts a lot less when you do it in a video game…
*remembering N64 days*
*remembering C64 days*
Bard’s Tale forever!
Beer Trivia: Bard’s Tale is a gluten-free beer, made with Sorghum grain. It is suitable for celiac-disease sufferers.
*runsawaywithaquickness*
*grabs Gracie before she escapes*
Tickle, tickle!!
Heeheeheehee!
*can’t run while laughing*
*falls on floor, still giggling*
Shun the non-believer! SHUUUUNNNNN!!!!
*blink blink*
I can see the words there, but I can’t seem to comprehend what Gracie said.
I’m pretending she didn’t even say it!
This comment reminds me of that horror movie with the cursed video game: if you die in the game you die the same way in real life.
remembering days of faceplants while rockhopping… yep, 64 hurt much less.
All new!! “waterless’ Sand Paper Slip N Slide!
Hee-ha!
It’s the new macroderm abrasion “facelift”.
that looks like it hurts…. like bad…. FACEPLANT!
Fail today isn’t that funny but do you notice the ads on top right? The before and after of weight loss pics when you do a refresh are awesome!!! So awesome that they won’t show the girls’ faces.
Nope, can’t agree with you there Leila, I’m too busy “conquering the world” on Evony……
There’s an unsurprising lack of the semi-clothed woman, just lots of huts..
*is not even tempted to play along ‘Gates of Anderon’ for free*
“Dogs of the Seas” looks less than intriguing as well. Of course, I have never really been tempted by any computer games, so….
The chick for Dogs of Seas looks tweaked. Horrible graphics. I like computer games, but not these random advertised things.
Graphics is just eye-candy, and gets old quickly. The design of the game is what matters most.
Youthful enthusiasm – 0 Gravity – 100000000000
Gravity always wins.
Unless helium is involved.
gravity is at -100000000000. Doesn’t that mean that it lost?
Hee hee.
*squeeze*
How are you two today?
*Exchanged small “g” for a capital “G”.*
I’m ok , I guess. It’s just kind of a “meh” day here in Chicago.
Is it sunny there?
No, it’s really not.
We had a thunderstorm last night that came up out of nowhere, and now it’s cold here. The high today is 64 and tomorrow’s low is in the 40′s!!! It actually feels like fall now!
I know what you mean. I just hope my family does something this thanksgiving. We need it more than ever this year. Oh and the new update on my house status. Well we are in this hotel till about, hmm… let me see. Oh ya, EASTER.
Yeep! I hope it’s at least a nice hotel! And that the estimated time of your stay there is extremely inflated!
No. Its a low ball. It was first two months, then Christmas, now Easter. They have to take out half of the top floor because of mold on the plywood behind meaning the bricks have to come down too.
Is Easter early this year?
*looks hopeful*
I think it is around march, so not too bad I guess.
That’s better than April! Not by much, but still, better!
*tries to look on the bright side*
Thanks Avis.
*squeeze*
Good luck emp. At least your family will have a shiny-new house.
Which reminds me that we are tearing down most of the stud work in my house too, my father made a comment during an interview saying it took a tornado to get my son (My older bother (I mean brother)) to clean his room.
Well, now when they claim “Your room looks like a tornado hit it!”, you’ll know exactly what that means.
*Shudders*
I remember the sound all too well.
*sympathy squeezes for Emp*
Me too! I had a tornado pass right above my house in LA once. *shudder* *squeeze*
*Hits ceiling very, very fast*
Ok, who reversed the gravity?
I wonder if people Argon-a start int(s)erting puns here. It would be the noble thing to do … and a bit of a gas.
Well I certainly shan’t. I find pun runs far too Boron.
Then you must be a neonphyte.
Why are you wearing a Buddhist robe, Brewski? Are you going all Xenon me?
The fsil looks pretty painful.. You’d have to be SO Dium to try that.
did he die?
You know how FB filters certain words and puts them in moderation? How about adding the above verbiage or the likes to said filter?
No?
Well, didn’t hurt to ask.
I !magine that would be a task for a programmer!
I’ll take the case!
Cool!
Cloral? Could you also add “In Soviet Russia…” to the filter list?
*secretly admits those can be funny at times…*
*steals :[ from LGB*
*Russia’s away with a quickness*
*snags the :[ *
And then Iran away too…
Rats. I don’t have access to FailBlog’s code server.
Never mind…
*hands Cloral the Universal Server Password Decoder Ring*
Go gettem, C!
did you try “password”?
No, I bet you it’s “abc1234″
did you anger?
did he die?
You meant to say “dive”, right?
Dive he did.
Looking at guy going unconscious is not funny at all. FAILblog used to be something, now it looks like it’s hard to find a good video/picture so they rather fill it up with this?
*looks around*
Wha??
*considers polishing his spear*
Need any help?
*squeeze*
*SQUEEEEEEZE*
But of course, my dear…
Let’s go into this empty room, then.
*grabs ShamWow as Gracie whisks him into empty room… *
*rudely awakened from a nap*
*sees what’s about to happen*
ACK!!!!
*averts eyes and leaves room*
*scrutinizes list of people who like spam cookies*
1.
Jenny2. WhoaNellie
*walks up to WN*
*whispers*
Psssst! Hey, WN!
*opens trenchcoat*
*shows tray of spam cookies*
Fresh from the microwave! I’ve had to go underground, since Leila and Avis won’t let me bake them anymore….
*swaps LGB a SpamSouffle™ for a Spam Cookie*
*stares at open trenchcoat whilst munching*
*pulls SpamPies™ out from behind back, one in each hand*
Nanny nanny!
Would you rather have … THESE!!!!!
*presents WN with chocolate chip cookies in boobie shapes*
*faints*
*rushes to WN’s aide*
*fan.fan*
*puts shot of Cabo under his nose*
WHA?!? ACK!!! GUGGLE.
Oh!
Thanks LGB – I needed that!
I repeat what Ms B said earlier. What’s with all the fainting today?
Dunno – wasn’t here earlier.
I suspect it’s all the boobie cookies though.
*dons ninja gear*
*sneaks into room where safe is*
*blows up safe*
*SpamSouffle™ and Spam Cookies fly everywhere*
*suddenly has no urge to bake or eat anything that has the word Spam in it*
*takes Leila’s ♀ and flees*
What’s my name?
What am I?
cream cheese?
dream cheese?
WTH? Why am I crossed off the list.
*Throws giant pitcher of Kool-aid on the floor*
*Stomps foot in Kool-aid mess*
Because of this:
http ://failblog.org/2009/09/25/incentive-fail/#comment-618849
Now, if you want me to uncross your name, it’s no problem, but we’ll have to do it in secret because of you-know-who….
Voldemort hates Spam?
Shhhh! Don’t say his name!!!!
His name, his name, his name!
*blows raspberry at Avis*
*runsawaywithaquickness*
*swipes Shadow’s quickness*
HAH!
*looks down at spot where his quickness used to be*
I guess I’ll have to get used to being half a man, now…
“Yeah Spam cookies made in a microwave and kept warm by ambient body heat! Extra Tin foil -my mouth is watering.”
I thought it was clear that I liked them????
Yay! You LIKE them! You really like them! I thought you were being facetious!
*re-adds Jenny’s name to people who like spam cookie list*
1. Jenny
2. WN
*stands back and admires list*
What’s this about spam -…
♫ Spam spam spam spam…
Lovely spam!
Wonderful spam! ♫
Shut up! SHUT UP!
Well, you see it all started when some trolls were spamming the blog, and there was so much of it, I decided to make spam cookies with it. But, Leila and Avis made me stop making them because they said they were :ick:. So I had to start making them undercover. And then….
*20 minutes go by*
So, henceforth, I’m known as ‘butterball’ and I have to wear the turkey wing on my lapel during Thanksgiving.
*snore*
*wakes up suddenly*
Yes, Mr. Martino, the domain is all reals and the range equals… wait, what?
*looks around*
Oh… must’ve fallen asleep.
he is just dead, no worry.
We used to play around with bikes like that when I was a kid. Except instead of building jumps we used to find steep hills to ride down. There was a lake near where I lived and we named all the different hills there. There was Valor Square, Crimson Valley, Wood Run, and others. But the best ones were the Death Mountains – Death Mountain 1, 2, and 3. They went down the backside of the dam, and so were very steep. Death Mountain 3 was especially vicious, with a fork at the base. I remember watching my friend go down it – when he couldn’t decide which path he should take, he rode right into the tree at the fork.
I just pictured a gigantic fork sticking up out of the road (like in The Mupped Movie).
*snork!*
*mups Ms B*
Being Mupped ain’t so funny now, is it?
*boops Jon’s nose*
Of course, you know, this means war.
But of course.
*releases troll*
*eyes troll*
Trained huh? Does it do back flips?
Obviously
Every three steps, like those electronic dog things..you know..the backflippy ones?
Cool. Wind it up!
*hangs head in shame*
*replaces the “d” with a “t”*
*kittysqueezes*
It’s spelled “chamois”.
*runsawaywithaquickness*
ditto.
once went on a night-time raid in a nearby apple orchard… but the farmer was waiting. still have the scars from the rock salt… and buddy has rope burn round the neck from where the farmer clotheslined him.
but the time I went off the street ramp not knowing my buddies had loosened the front wheel… that was… the most painful.
I just remember that my brother wanted to be a stuntman when he was a kid, so he’d crack up his bike on purpose and have his friend film it.
I’m amazed he survived to adulthood.
I thought Jackass put a stop to all that?
This was waaaaaaaaaaaaay before Jackass. We’re talking, like, 30 years ago.
Oh, then he should totally sue Jackass for stealing his ideas.
your my brother? so, why’d you loosen the nut on my wheel, bro?
I think you’ve been hot doggin’ it too long, sauerkraut, if you’re confusing those buns.
Yeah, that comment made me
I am frequently amazed that I survived childhood. I did more stupid things than the 3 Stooges. I think I told this story before, but in one memorable incident, I decided to see how far I could ride my bicycle with my eyes closed. Answer: not very far. I still have a scar on my forehead.
To this day, my family still reminds me of that one.
All I have is: what happens if I stick my finger in this belt drive?
My sister drove a riding lawn mower into a barbed wire fence.
Was she trying to get in or out?
Out, I think. My mom tells the story. I was too young to remember it.
Wow, Scientology ad fail at the end.
where?
… dot.org!!!
r-r-r-r-r-rag doll!
Livin’ in a movie?
Oh good! I wasn’t the only one who immediately got that earworm!
Since I am a zombie now *wont harm FailBlog Regulars*
I’m used to it.
AAAAAAAAAH!!!
*calms down*
That’s better.
Ummmmm… what just happened?
Sorry about that. I was inundated with homework and my fury was uncontainable, so I decided to let off some steam. Don’t worry, I haven’t gone bonkers.
Hard to go bonkers when you already are!
*squeeze*
Me? Bonkers?! Nooo, siree! Not me!
*waggles lip with finger and hits self with mallet*
Bllbtbllbtblbbtbllbt
*runs gibbering out of the room, shouting “THE CAKES! THEY LIE! ALL OF THEM!”*
*checks to make sure BFF is waving his arms wildly above his head*
Yerp. All is well.
I worry about him sometimes.
*sigh*
*attempts to safely squeeze BFF*
*stops*
*rushes back and squeeeeezes Leila in bear-hug*
Aaaaaw!!!
*injects BFF with sanity shot*
hey Leila, do you have more of that? I could use some sanity.
Sure thing WIK!!!! Help yourself.
*points to a locked beeping briefcase*
Code is 3482794817639B398c♣ElEbEnTyz0348. Case sensitive.
O.o
Nah, crazy is WAY more fun anyway.
*eyes glimmer*
*back straights*
*dusts self off*
*neatens tie*
…hello, Leila! What have I been doing for the past few minutes? Why are you staring at me like that?
Oh, I am not staring. I am just making sure you are okay.
How do you feel?
…and you can always review the camera recording if you want to know what you’ve been doing which I don’t recommend.
I’m feeling much more…relaxed after that shot. I have no idea what I was doing, but I must have been doing a lot of running or something! I feel all out of breath!
Camera recording? How interesting! I’ll take a look and see what crazy antics I’ve been getting up to! Cheers!
*borrows recording*
Ummmmm…
Gottagoseeyalaterbye!
*zingggggggg!*
another stupid video of someone falling on their face.
Another stupid comment of someone falling on their face.
Thanks for clearing that up.
My day is over, bye all. You gals/guys are the best, I missed you the last couple weeks!
*parting squeezes*
*squeeze* *waves*
*squeezes parts -er- Brewski*
*squeeze!*
Have a good night!
Haha, that sucks bro.
Yo, failblog people. Please for the love of god get rid of that highly irritating bit at the end, you know the ‘failblog.org’ brand voiceover. I thought you’d learnt your lesson before when everyone told you how much it ruined the videos. Once again, failblog fails. Please just don’t ever use it again. I’m going to avoid watching any videos from your site or your you-tube page for about a month – if you’ve not ditched it by then… well, you’ve lost a viewer! Really, it’s that bad. It sucks out the small amount of joy from even the best clips. FAIL!
The rest of us rather like that little part. You are more than welcome to just stop the video before it gets to that part you know.
And just a friendly bit of advice, when making a complaint of that nature, it does more good to go to the “contact us” link. The rest of us commenters don’t care what you like or don’t like.
Yeah, what she said!
*sticks tongue out at yourmum*
C’mon, Gracie, you’re more mature than that. Stupidhead.
YEAH! Pbbbbbbbt!
*blows raspberry at Shadow*
I’m tellin mom!
*storms away, wailing*
Not if I tell on you first!
*attempts to beat Gracie there so he can tell his side of his story first*
If you kids don’t settle down I’m going to turn this blog around and go back home!!!!
Just wait ’till your father hears about this!!!
He started it!
*points at Shadow*
*stops the timer*
Wow… home for barely fifteen minutes, and I’ve already started a childish fight, raced a failfriend, and nearly gotten us all in trouble. I think that’s a new record.
*sneaks up behind Shadow*
*restarts timer*
*runsawayrealfast*
*watches LGB run away*
*watches her circle back*
*stops timer*
5 minutes. Not bad.
Oooh! Me next!
*sprints away*
*doubles-over*
*pants*
Thanks! It’s not even my best time, though. My BEST time was when we all went skinny-dipping at Lake Tahoe after we’d had a few and….
*turns on ‘voice record’ function of timer*
No, no, do continue…
Running something I only do when trying to catch the bus, or when being chased by someone with a knife.
I try not to run.
But I live in Chicago.
…and then the cops came! What a hoot!
Did you get all that, Shadow?
Oh, dang… nope. Battery died. Ouch, and right as BondFan was coming back too. Sorry, mate! Bad luck!
*comes crawling back*
I…ran…alll…the…way…to…Birmingham. What…was…my…tim-
*falls flat on face*
Oh boy, umm… your time… *looks at dead stopwatch*
*looks at half-dead, expectant BondFan*
*attempts to make up a believable time so he doesn’t have to tell the truth*
Ummm… 33 minutes, 2 seconds… yeah… that’s right.
33…MINUTES?! WOW! I never knew my own strenght! Whoopee! Whoopee Whoo-
*has heart attack*
*collapses*
*gives BFF CPR*
C’mon, buddy! Hang in there!
*dials 3333*
Quick, what’s the number for 911?
Hello, you’ve reached the FailBlog Emergency Services. If you need a doctor, press 1. If you need a medic, press 2. If you need an ambulance right over because someone is lying in the street twitching, press 3. If you’re just prank calling us, piss off.
*presses 4*
*SWAT members burst through ceiling, windows, door and floor*
*surround Shadow*
Oh, bugger.
*hands drop to hips*
Draw, mother****er.
Through the floor?
Who’s gonna clean up that mess?
*Swat emerge from under beds*
*Swat burst from wardrobes, pantry, and other drawers*
*Swat burst from TV, sofa, and lampshade*
I think not. You’re coming with us, sonny.
… Well, Tex, looks like this here game is up. Let’s just go quietly… maybe these nice men with the semi-automatics and the tear gas and the flash grenades and blast shields just want to talk.
*Plays tune*
*Guns down every swat member non-lethally*
Shadow now is your chance, go go go. I got you covered.
… Police officials have stated that the subject probably would be okay right now had he been wearing a face pad.
Good night Gracie.
*squeezes everybody*
*suffocates*
Oh my gosh, thats the biggest faceplant in the history of Failblog! This sh*t is EPIC!
Face-age
That happens if you do not do your homework before hitting the track, getting the physics of projectile motion can have some painful results as shown in the video. but now that I have that physics jargon out of the way…
That is one of the best fails to date
Dating fails is just wrong! You’re a sick, sick man!
It’s okay, doggie, I used to be a bum-magnet, too. Ah, those were the days….
Looking forward to those days being over personally…
Did he die?
As if his pain isn’t hilarious enough: the way he fell just made the video.
Actually, no, the cameraman made the video. Or, to be more specific, the camera made it.
Good thing he was wearing his helmet… ohhh wait.
Oh man that’s too goooddd.. wow dude dang
You say batman I saw vawncast
Batman, I saw vawncast.
…
Now what?
That get’s an eight out of ten from me – good form, though I had to take a point of for the angle of the dismount, he listed slightly to the side there. What do you think, Steve?
Wowee, that looked uncomfy… I just love how he slides down the ramp motionless. That’s what helmets were made for… still funny though…
I f anyone gives a crap, I’m sorry I haven’t been posting very well or frequently. I’ve been very busy and hope to be with you soon. However, Fall break is coming up this weekend, so expect to see more of me then. Well, when I’m not on vacation.
We do give a crap. We give a very big crap.
*thinks about those sentences for a minute*
*decides to let them stand as they were*
*squeeze*
You beat me to the crappy jokes by seconds!
I do give a crap. The pills worked wonders.
If we are going to see more of you I hope that you have been working out.
Did you ever hear about the crap George Clooney gave his roomate?
“Richard had this cat that he loved and adored,” Ben Weiss tells me. “So George would go in the bathroom, and that’s where the litter box was. And there would be cat shit in there, so George would clean it up and flush it down the toilet. Then Richard would go in there and say, ‘God, it’s so weird. My cat hasn’t taken a shit in forever.’
“George went along with that, and kept cleaning the box for a few days. Richard went to the vet to get some kind of thing to make the cat go to the bathroom. The poor cat. The cat’s shitting, and George is still cleaning it up. And then finally George stood over the cat box and took a giant shit. And finally Richard goes in there and says, “Oh, my God! Kitty!”
*helpless laughter*
*ROFFLE!*
You’ll never look at him the same again, huh? Much like Elijah Wood was ruined for me after watching Sin City.
*laughs hard*
Ow… heehee… it hurts… hahahaha!… so much…
God, my ribs are killing me. I haven’t laughed like that in ages. Thanks!
The best part of this story is that I am laughing even harder now each time I tell it out loud to somebody else.
Glad you guys liked it! I should make a comic of that story!!!
*Roffles*
Brilliant. That justifies me going back to read the posts I missed every morning.
What a drag.
3 Years later, I was riding my bike around there, and noticed a face-tree growing.
Ads by google – they know your most private thoughts and fears (and now we do to)
I’m keeping a list.
SAFE!!!!!
Do you think so? The way he’s lying there he looks out to me.
Nahhh… I can’t laugh about such sport injuries he really could have lost some teeth and/or broke his nose etc.
This is just as creepy as the sh*** MTV would atually show.
OMG, it is not funny at all of course… Poor guy. that is the reason why i do not like X-treme sport. lol.
man thats go to hurt thats why i stick to fruit bootin not bmx
I don’t think that trick has been invented yet. This guy is a genius.
Ähm… Germans would say ‘Facebrake’!
up up n a down
666th
Play him off Keyboard cat lawlz
die he cry?
I think flying just puts him to sleep.
seems like an instant K.O XD
is this the hollow at yeovil?!?!?!?!?!
Yep
lol that was pretty smooth for a crash or whatever
In Soviet Russia, bike rides you!
put some bowling pins in front and do it again!!
ew
At least he landed on the hard non soft ramp.
He meant to do that…
EAT DIRT! litterally! lol
Nice method with thanks intended for submitting this specific up.