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hmm…. some dark sardonicism in the police academy classroom
Hey, cyners leave those cops alone!
I think it is for catching the people who shot the cops, not for shooting the cops. So really its get someone you hate to shoot the cops, then turn them in.
Absolutely. Police Academy 7: Mission to Moscow used its biting wit to really make me think about our relationship with Russia post-Cold War.
Only in New Jersey
Exsqueeze me, Bandit, but have we met?
I don’t think so, why?
Sure that’s not Alderney? Is that a legit newspaper or a Liberty Tree?
Oh dear,
*dials 3333*
Hello, this is the FailBlog Police Service. If you want to report a crime, press 1. If you are just lonely, press 2. If you’ve called to ask about our new “Cash for Dead Cops” campaign, press 3.
*presses 234 just to see what happens*
*phone explodes*
*policeman bursts in*
Alright missy, you’re nicked!
Awww crap!
*sigh*
It’s a fair cop guv!
*snaps cuffs on k@*
You’re coming with me down to the station miss.
*gets in police car*
*drives away, sirens screaming*
*fiddles with cuffs*
)
*unlocks*
(Don’t ask where I learnt that
*hands over get out of jail free card*
Hey! That’s no-
*looks at monopoly card*
Alright, miss, I’ll let you off next time. But if you do that aga-
*realises he’s not looking at the road*
*crashes into tree*
Ow
*climbs out of wreckage*
*checks on Poicedude*
*dials 3333*
*scarpers*
*climbs out of wreckage*
*slowly reforms metallic self*
*sprints after k@*
*raids desert cache for ordanance*
*obtains snazzy police motorcycle*
*zooms along desert road*
*drives to steel works*
*sets trip wires*
*runs around pointlessly in a vest top*
*trips over wires*
*falls into vat*
*dials GBF*
Hello you,
sorry I had to dispose of another rogue clone.
But I get the feeling he’ll be back.
Thank you both, that was very enjoyable!
*squeezes bff & k@*
*bows*
It’s shame though we had to terminate our little chase like that, though.
*sneaks up with E.T. finger…*
*swivels around*
*fires one shot at ET finger*
*walks calmly away, adjusting bowtie*
*Camera lens covers in blood, wavers, slides to corner of screen, opens to scene of Bond speeding along in sports car*
*looks at E.T. finger, whose tip has been completely blown off*
*lower lip trembles*
*single tear runs down cheek*
*curls up in ball on floor, thumb in mouth*
*swerves to Judy in sports car*
*hands crate of ET fingers ot her*
*speeds away, after evil Russian baddies in black cars*
*wraps arms around crate of E.T. fingers*
*smiles wistfully*
*Follows sirens*
*Crashes onto rocks*
Oh gosh!
Everything has Gorgon pear shaped for Marius
*rushes to help*
Gorgon pear .com?
(try saying it out loud)
*roffles*
This is a good example of why we need to get out the VOTE!
failpeeps.wordpress.com/
I must admit that I’m confused about the voting on fails that have already been published as we are only given a choice of how many “thumbs down” it should get. I gave this one a “1″ figuring a lower number meant “didn’t like”.
Weird, I know I didn’t nest the above comment, but I did “abort” a reply to Marius earlier. I’ve seen this before.
Admiral, what kind of fails on the voting page are looking for to vote down?
Anything you don’t like!
Together, though, we’re hoping to reduce the number of fails that play on hate and stereotypes or will otherwise encourage idiots to make such hateful remarks in the comments.
I have never looked at the vote page myself, but I like your argument AA.
*Heads off to vote*
*NOBODY* expects the FailBlog Police! Our chief weapon is surprise…surprise and fear…fear and surprise…. Our two weapons are fear and surprise…and ruthless efficiency…. Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency…and an almost fanatical devotion to Fails …. Our *four*…no… *Amongst* our weapons…. Amongst our weaponry…are such elements as fear, surprise…. I’ll come in again.
Get out…THE COMFY CHAIR!
did the cop died?
*smacks Tony with a large wet trout, walks away*
How do I shot cop?
LOL I used to transfer people to *3333*
How much exactly are we talking about here?
-9$
*changing name to The Joker*
*getting rich by killing cops somehow*
*makes no sence*
for the record … I’m not thrilled about insinuations of cops getting hurt … but … I see this is in Jersey … *sings Soprano soap opera*
*hums The Godfather theme tune*
*decorates ponies for later*
*leaves the gun, takes the cannoli*
*can’t refuse*
*follows the fox carrying the cannoli*
*bares teeth at those who would challenge her cannoli ownership*
*challenger appears — sees Sara J bared teeth and pregnant — challenger disappears*
(challnger’s momma didn’t raise no fool)
(… tho’ she weren’t so good on spellng)
*purr*
Bad boys bad boys, watcha gonna do?
If you shoot a cop then we’ll pay you.
Sign me up!
Ya right until you big cry baby call for for one. Try working as a Policeman/woman in looking death in the face every day.
*Hands Eags a small vole for his collection*
You do know what a vole is right. A cross breed from a rat and mole sort of speak they are deady and will attack humans without provocation. They are on the endangered list in Canada.
I will keep this one.
Mmm, voles. Sometimes foxes eat voles. *nom nom nom*
Sara J we don’t nom nom nom our friends LOL. I am collecting these animals so therefore I collect you.
*noms all six cats*
Uh-oh. Looks like it’s 5eagles/5finches/1fox/1owl C.C.C. now.
Come to think of it, those finches are looking pretty good, too… *noms*
And I cannot be collected, for I am a foxy asse.
Oh, but that is a different fox. I think.
♫Fox on the run, f-foxy, foxy on the run, and hideaway♪
Sweet!
we really need to talk dilettante.LOL
But it you like cat gut!
No talking!! *noms delicious owl*
OK, EVERYONE STOP EATING OUT 5EAGLES!!! You are aware he is a he, aren’t you?
*Collects the wee bun-buns and encourages them to cut their teeth on a delicious eagle*
thanks you dilettante and Halifax and Sara J and K@tcf and I great Scooty and you too lolcatburgler for the good belly laugh i needed that.
Now I have to take stock and see what I have left?
You can have this caterpillar I found, he’s chill.
What happened to the high 5 I gave you?
*pouts*
Sorry Say g’night, Gracie it must of got ctrl c and didn’t get ctrl v.
do you have room for a fekked cat?
what is a fekked cat first?
its a cat that’s been fekked real good
*squeeze!*
Sorry, I got my breath back, the cat is busy again
*retracts offer*
Cheers have a good weekend!
LMAO i fell for that grannycatflap. Have a good solid weekend.
Please, asshole traffic cops (The ones most of us deal with) don’t put their life on the line every day for the most part. Not that I’m advocating harm to any cops.
Mick calling me an a$$hole not the way to start a comment. Traffic cops are on the roads and do general duties.
You are a traffic cop? Wait, Canada + police…5eags, are you a mountie?
I just mountie the fiancee.
Each province has their own police force plus each city has their own police force and Native Reservations have their own police force. So Canada has more then just one police force besides the mounties. LOL
Hehehe…I know, kinda. It’s just that when I think of Canadian police, mountie pops up in my head.
Weeelllll…..PQ and Ont. have their own police force. Not All the provinces. Just sayin’. Here in SK it’s the Mounties unless you’re in Regina or Saskatoon. (not sure about Prince Albert?)
sank you mezzomom for that I wasn’t to sure about the prairies.
Only telling you this because you ask to learn more about punctuation etc.
He is not calling YOU an a$$hole, he is calling the traffic cops a$$holes.
His “please,” is like saying “oh really?!?!?”
Now if he said “Please asshole,” that’s a different story.
(I can’t believe I jsut took the time to comment on this…sigh)
Oh ok it took me awhile to figure what the heck you meant Jazzygirl.
I sort of get it but could it have been written differently?.
I owe Mick an apology : So Sorry Mick.
adding the word “the” would have made it clearer:
“Oh Please, the a$$hole traffic cops…”
Is is just me, or does the blog have a new look?
It looks the same to me. What do you see changed, Gracie?
I see what Fuzz describes down there. VV
*pbbbttt*
You see fuzz down there?
Has the format changed or is it just me?
Must be both of us, Leila. I’m not sure I like the new setup.
I can’t see what you are talking about….
Count your blessings then, K@. It’s not fun. *squeeze*
1….2….3….4….5….6….7
I’m bored now!
P.s. *squeezesallfailpeeps*
*squeezes silly k@*
*squeezes Gracie*
Happy Friday!!!!
♪ One, Two, Three O’clock, Four O’clock rock,
Five, Six, Seven O’clock, Eight O’clock rock.
Nine, Ten, Eleven O’clock, Twelve O’clock rock,
We’re gonna rock around the clock tonight. ♪
♫we’re gonna rock until broad day light♫
I think it’s borked. Some folks were noting last night that many FB sites were weird — lots of grey, hard to follow the nesting, etc. Some said it was only the “home page,” others weren’t seeing any problems at all. I’ve got grey on all pages.
That’s what I’ve got too, Fuzz. Hopefully it’s not a new layout, and it’ll be fixed soon. *squeeze*
I think it’s a matter of which browser you’re using. I’m on IE, and the back is still white for me.
That’s what I’m on, too. Grey, with the comments in the middle of the page it itty bitty print. I’ve cleared my cache and refreshed and it’s still wonky.
Mine is white and black and read all over.
*snorksqueeze*
Oh, poor you. Then it must be a US thing. Neither k@ or me, who are both in the UK, see it.
Yeah, this gray thing is just NOT working for me. I am going to go nuts if they do not fix it soon. Very hard to follow comments.
If this is because of Internet Expolorer 8, then just turn on compatinility view.
I have IE7 on both my laptop and desktop at home, and I was having the same sort of problems last weekend. The home page looked okay, but the blog was completely screwed-up: numbers on each reply instead of nests, replies that completely went off the page, etc. Here at work, the front page is as described above, but the blog itself looks just fine. Whaddafu?
I see the same thing, only the home pages are messed up, but the comments pages look the same. I am using IE6 at work. Apparently my employer does not believe in upgrades.
I have IE6. Where do you check compatibility?
FYI – I’m in IE 7 on both home and work computers. Both front page and comments are fine for me.
*Twilight Zone music plays*
*expects Rod Serling to pop into blog any minute*
IE 7 and it’s all wonked.
I have this problem in both IE8 and Firefox, BUT in Firefox, the background is in white, not gray, making the blog easier to read.
No, it’s a button on IE8 that makes pages less screwed-up looking, but they are only screwed up if you view them via IE8, so I guess it isn’t the problem here.
Wait…what?
Do you all smell burnt toast too?
The main page at ICHC (lolcats) is also in disarray. I checked 2 different machines, but both run XP and the main ICHC and FailBlog pages (clicky) are messed up in Firefox 3 and IE7. I sent the screenshot in the clicky to the powers that be via Contact Us. The comments pages are fine.
Also, I have a sinus headache. Somebody do a dance or something to cheer me up.
*dances all silly-like*
That’s nice, but do you have some streamers or pom-poms or something you could, um, shake?
*shakes pom-poms while doing her geek dance*
*Puts on his chip and dale outfit and dances too*
Love the red nose and cute tail on the outfit!
Hey, LCB! Sumbuddy had a suggestion that it’s only borked in the USA. I’m in VLC and not borked here, sooo?
Fine. Hmph.
Now, then… which country to defect to? Suggestions?
*waves UK flag*
Yeah, yeah. Rub it in. :[
What? I only suggested a nation to emigrate to! I’m sorry if that wasn’t nice to you.
Yes, well, I *do* speak British…
*squeezes BF*
Sorry. It’s hard to tell with the page problem which comment you’re replying to.
*starts packing to move*
We can take the bus in the next Fail!
*Does the Truffle Shuffle*
Btw…I’m having the same issues…grr! Someone better fix it…and quick!!!
This could make me a millionaire. Where do I sign up?
This format is ghetto, super hard to read
*readies camera*
FAILBLOG.ORG, help get some color in this otherwise gray world of mine. PLEEEEEEEEEASE?????
*offerings*
Cookies?
Cake?
Champagne?
All expense paid vacation?
Remember Leila- anything is better than Beige….
Unless it’s grey.
*shakes head*
Sorry I suffer Beige rage!
*goes and changes into a different pair of pants*
…but, but, but…I like beige.
My dad ruined the colour- by buying an entirely beige car, and taking me on long journeys in it
Beige & chunks!
Leila, perhaps you should email them by clicking the contact us at the bottom of this page?
Ooh, good idea. *squeeze*
*runs off to email the PTB*
*secretly wishes Gracie included me in said email*
I mentioned that I’m not the only one having the problem, but I didn’t mention anybody by name. Sorry. *squeeze*
I was only joking Gracie. Did you get a response yet?
No response yet, Leila. Hopefully, they’re busy working on the problem.
Ummm…I’ll take the paid vacation, Leila.
Did you fix my problem?
Good morning! *squeeze*
*sigh* it can only happen here in New Jersey…
*devises recipe for exploding donuts*
2 packages active dry yeast
1/2 cup warm water
1/2 cup scalded milk
1/3 cup shortening
1/3 cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup plastic explosives
1 teaspoon salt
3 1/2 to 4 cups all-purpose flour
2 eggs
1 detonator
Glaze:
2 cups sifted confectioners’ sugar
3 tablespoons water
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
please substitute C-4 (longstrike) for 1/3 cup of plastic explosives.
Yummy!
Adds reciepe to AQ cookbook.. Chicken boomboom aka Chicken Kiev; Chicken in a Tin (schrapnel – thanks to Floyd the chef). Ty .. suppose you could make any exploding reciepe using your two added components.
Yeah but there’s no reward that way.
*clears throat and passes you a “c”*
*smacks self in head and decides to spend some quality time with a dictionary* (sorry)
Oh shit, I hope Ice Cube doesn’t read this paper…
…in 1988…
(Now he’d just murder two hours of your life and 9 bucks with a crappy family comedy)
yeah i guess i dated myself quite a bit there….
i just dont want to give any of the newer rappers any recognition…
I’m with you there.
And since it’s Friday:
“You got to be a stupid motherf*cker to get fired on your day off.”
“The f*ck you stealing boxes for? What you trying to build, a clubhouse?”
*one person* Oh No!
*another person* Oh No!
*someone else* Oh No!
*Kool-Aid guys busts through the wall*
OOOHHH YEA!
*awkwardly backs away through the broken wall*
*blasts mind-control gun at judge*
hey guys! I wanted to say thank you to everyone who checked out my lil one yesterday. she must have been overly cute because they pulled her pic and will not tell me why or what happened.
*dusts off soap box*
ahem…I sent so many interpeeps over your way and you pull my pic with out an expo. next time, just say something.
*jumps down*
mornin all! hope it’s a lovely day in your neck o the woods!
It’s those blue eyes – no one could compete with those!
Maybe they pulled it off of the voting page because it’s the next one to grace the home page!
That really stinks. Wonder if others were pulled.
You should keep at them until you get an explanation. I would think *too much traffic* would be a good thing. Maybe it’s unrelated, but they sure could provide rules if something was amiss.
I voted for her…she’s a cutie pie.
awww, thanks guys. i sent an e-mail yesterday when i noticed…she got 32 votes in 5 hours….then *poof*
still havent heard nothing, not tryin to be a pest or anything. however i may stage a boycott…lol
*starts making boycotting signs*
I will help you MM.
Yeah sure, that’s my main source of income now-a-days…
I think the cops should get a free shot at the editor for this one!!!
(Hi FailPeeps – I made a comic. I hope the clicky works. Let me know what you think…)
:[
Seriously good Jenny!
I like it!
I need more.
You must make more, now!
:{
My one critique:
The poor sales woman is flat chested and crosseyed. You don’t like sale people do you?
:[
Awesome, Jenny! Very cute!
*Woot-Woot!*
By the way….
*opens trenchcoat*
*shows Jenny tray of spam cookies made in secret*
*whispers*
Fresh from the microwave! I had to go underground with these, since Leila and Avis asked me not to bake them anymore. I know how much you like them, though. I put extra tinfoil in this batch, too!
:ick:
I agree with Jules and his serious mustache!
I love it Jenny!! My one complaint is that neither of them are to my likeness. Especially in the chest region.
It’s funny.
Right! – More boobs. Got it. For the record I only dislike sales people who don’t listen.
And
Yeah Spam cookies made in a microwave and kept warm by ambient body heat! Extra Tin foil -my mouth is watering.
*scrutinizes list of people who like spam cookies*
1.
Jenny2. WhoaNellie
*waits around corner for WN to appear*
It’s good. We do need a serious smiley. And a sick one. I liked the dork one we had for awhile when they changed emoticons.
Damn, I knew I should have shot the deputy…
“Yes, your Honor, that was also in self-defense…”
“And so I could make bail”
This is from The Star Ledger
I shot the Sheriff…
Gangsters paradise.
Win, imo.
This is from “The Onion”, a fake newspaper. Hardly a fail since the joke headline is 100% intentional. Take it down.
That’s the Star-Ledger, not the Onion.
NJ is a hard place. While cats just generally like Pennsylvania anyway, the cats of NJ are pretty much desperate to get to Pennsylvania.
@Ed–
That’s the Star-Ledger, not the Onion.
Only in New Jersey….sigh~
New Jersey… home of the crimes…
only in New Jersey
Guess who just made 20 dollars!
“vabinfoit.com provide best quality custom web site design and development services at the most affordable prices. Check out our Basic Website Starter Package starting at just $200. All custom web sites we build are W3C standard compliant, cross browser compatible, highly optimized for load time and created using cutting-edge tableless CSS programming.”
“vabinfoit.com is owned by Abhishek Rai who at night hides naked in the shadows of a girls school, fondling himself as he things of their gym socks.”
Sweet, I can’t wait to repay my parking ticket by killing the fatass who gave it to me! Best news ever.
win
That is so scary
totally win.
Are you sure this isn’t a Columbian news paper?
To hell with Grand Theft Auto. I’ll be making some REAL cash.
Beat up a hooker while your at it
Why is this fail? This is heaps win
A win for the bankrupt gangsta’s
INCENTIVE WIN! the possibility to shoot a cop for cash should be offered around the world! F*ck the f*cking bastard cops!
win!
total WIN!!
It must be the Compton Newspaper.
No wonder, its a newspaper from jersey. They have all those cities there like Paterson, Newark, and such where people get shot like everyday.
it’s new jersey
what do u expect?
“where is my money!!!!!!!”*puts the bloody knife on the floor*
is this per bullet we shoot the cop with or what?