Destination Fail
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Cheezburger Network Blog
“What’s all this I hear about NO IKEA?!”
No you are reading it wrong it’s:
‘No I Pea’
Oh. Well. That’s completely different.
Buss people all around the world
Aw. buss:
(tr. & intr.v., bussed, buss·ing, buss·es.) To kiss.
n. A kiss.
[Possibly blend of obsolete bass (akin to French baiser) and obsolete cuss (akin to Middle English kissen, to kiss; see kiss), or from Scottish Gaelic bus, lips, mouth.
I caught you a delicious buss.
*osculates better than ever*
i Want to ride that bus! to see where it takes me. maybe to the rofland?
It’s meant to be Diarrhea. They’ve hidden the r’s and h’s and made it an anagram though. Shame.
They’d need another A for that.
BTW, not to be that person, but it would be Rs and Hs, not r’s and h’s. The apostrophe implies ownership.
So R isn’t allowed to own itself? Sounds too much like communism for my liking.
And there’s a pointless N if it is Diarrhoea. Yes, there’s an O.
“Sir, are you now or have you ever been a member of a Community that has grammar fights about diarrh(o)ea?”
In Soviet Russia, Rs own you!
actually it would be R’s and H’s. apostrophes also make things like that plural. you phal at tryin to be clever
Nope, you are totally wrong. Maybe if you used grammar and at least ATTEMPTED correct spelling, people would take you more seriously; wouldn’t make you any less wrong though. Nice try.
“Now I know my ABC’s, bitch.”
*sigh*
Kids these days.
That’s where YOU’RE wrong, sir.
The correct term is “seriouslier:[”
No, he’s right. the plural form of any letter, number, abbreviation, or symbol always ends in apostrohe ’s’. For example, the plural of 3 would not be “3s”, but, rather, “3’s”. It’s a wierd grammar rule…
Correct. It is indeed not Rs and Hs as that implies not multiple letters but a complete word. It must be R’s and H’s to indicate multiples.
It is a weird grammar rule similar to its/it’s where “its” is the only possessive form or a word that doesn’t contain an apostrophe and “it’s” is the contraction and not possessive.
Reply to myself to clarify. The reason it can’t be Rs and Hs is simple. What about the letter A? “As” does not show multiples, it is simply read “as”. Having it read “as” makes the sentence barely readable.
Actually, the apostrophe is only for pluralizing lowercase letters, to keep them from being confused with 2-letter words such as is and as. To pluralize capital letters or numbers, you do not use an apostrophe. Cloral was correct.
No, it still applies to capital letters.
And numbers.
Also, its isn’t the only possessive word without an apostrophe. That rule applies to all pronouns. Yours, ours, theirs, etc.
Yeah, like potato’s and shit.
You ignore basic grammar facts in your supposed witty comment. Jordan is correct. You are incorrect in saying that he meant that apostrophes were used to show multiples in all words.
Not really. I was just trying to start a dweeb fight. Looks like I succeeded.
What’s funny is you thought you were being “that person” who corrects incorrect grammar, but it turns out you were “that person” who incorrectly corrects correct grammar.
>Diarrhea
diarrhoea – remember : Do I Always Run Rapidly Having One Every Afternoon
Didn’t you mean:
“No I Pee”
Or
“No iPod”
I would hope on one of these buses any time, and get away from routine.
Keep hope alive!
Furthur!
(fuzz would hop on hur fur ^ )
Such a Merry Prankster…
Mary Prankster! Man I wish she’d come out of retirement.
(only SFW song of hers clickie I could find)
Sometimes a great notion doesn’t pass the acid test.
Sometimes great notions get eaten by acid.
So do corpses, so keep that junk away from me!
Especially the brown stuff.
LSD what you did there.
I just saw spiders and colors I invented…
This is an honesty WIN.
This sign should be mandatory on all London buses.
Should have taken the train…of thought.
I’ve tried, but it keeps leaving without me.
heh … sounds like a free transportation association
That or “Nearby Cyclists’ Destination – Hospital”
Especially the bendy buses, they’re lethal!
Follow that bus! Wait, why is it headed for Perth?
Finally! I was hoping someone would say it.
Whaat, you’re saying Moore’s running out of business?
Really, I have no idea how they could fail moore.
sicko’s
Sick Os.
I always hated when Mom bought that cereal.
“My Alpha Bits cereal is talking to me. It says ‘oooo’.”
“Those are Cheerios.”
*snork!*
you eat cereal with a fork?
*taps chin with index finger*
Now what’s that word? Starts with a ‘D’ and rhymes with ‘fork.’ It’s just not coming to me….
*rummages around through brain*
*snork* ?
*spork*!
Quark!
*spark!*
Ooooh! Pretty fire!
Wait…
*runsaway*
Somebody call 3333!
That’s it! The bus lost its spark! Must be a diesel.
That would leave a Mark!
*looks nervously around, ready to dive underground at the first sign of flames*
Nah, today’s diesels are clean burning. Plus you can make them smell like french fries.
The bus is efficient, but we really Otto Cycle.
Awww, phoo…you guys had fire without me!
There was, however, no comparison. A little light, but the flames warmed us not.
*wanders off humming, “We Didn’t Start The Fire”*
Or the fact that there’s a bomb on it, it’s clearly going below 60 mph, and I wouldn’t trust anyone on there to deal with that situation well…
whoa … no wait, I mean don’t whoa
“Jeff Daniels est déjà mort…”
bogus!!
Someone’s been watching ‘Speed’ recently…
Yes. If I hadn’t just watched it recently, I’d never have remembered the basic plot of this complex masterpiece of cinema
how Keanu tell?
Re must rave romething up ris reeves…
I didn’t know Roger ran a tour bus group!
I have no idea what you are talking about.
*wielding mallet recently upgraded with incinirator*
You know, the former Bond? The one who lived, and let die?
Sort of leathery, goofy, got beaten up more than the others?
He deserved it, if only for making “Moonraker”.
Ugh, seriously. But Jaws gets a girlfriend! *sniff* They’re so cute together.
You seem to have some Oddjobs to do.
I do! I’m breaking into Fort Kno–
Um, dishes. I’m doing dishes later.
I Xe(n)ya(‘re) Onatop of things.
There’s gotta be pun somewhere, i just cant place my (Gold)Finger on it..
If you come up with a really good one, you’ll be The Man with the Golden Pun.
Well Scott, we avoided the Blogmonster there. Looks like we’ll Die Another Day instead.
Ack, I have been injured. Can you help me?
Wait are you a Doctor? No! Then I rather lay here.
Come now, do you honestly expect me to make a good pun?
Better to know than to not know.
As a passenger, I mean. If you know you don’t know where the bus is going, you can’t exactly be upset if it doesn’t get “there.”
You seem bus-y.
*Squeeze*
Unless you’re going to Oakland.
(“There is no there there.”)
Where?
Underwear?
“There. There wolf. There castle….”
Why are you talking like that…?
“I thought you wanted to.”
“No, no. I don’t want to.”
“Suit yourself. I’m easy.”
Don’t go there.
♪Roll, roll! Roll in ze hay!♫
We’ve all of us got to behave normally!
*bra pops open*
For shame.
*Belt buckle unbuckles*
Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben.
He’s 21! Totally legal! Or maybe you’re saying you’ve done that to him 15 times already, so that’s ok. Carry on.
Thanks for the vote of confidence dilly.
Though I don’t think I could pass up on such a beautiful dame like you.
*squeezies*
“Dame” and “gams” are two of my favorite words in the whole wide world!
*squeeze*
You mean these gams?
The term “gams” refers specifically to the thighs. Used only in describing women’s thighs, and typically only when said thighs are considered attractive.
*Rolls up shorts a little to show off the male version of gams.*
One of my friends from high school was a talented dancer (and illustrator). I used to call her “Stems”.
Hee! I like that one, too. ‘Cause I’m a classy broad.
I sometimes get teased at work for the size of my calves when I wear shorts. I have always played soccer, so I always have had strong legs.
Well not a week ago the regional manager was doing a store walk and decided to stop and talk to me. Apparently the nickname got up to her since she said, “I am going to hazard a guess that you are the one they call calves.”
I blushed and admitted and looked away.
*Morphs first “and” into a “,”*
moo?
No blushes, I notice hot calves on a man. Usually means there’s a good butt going on.
Do you know me in real life?
My class at school, surprisingly the guys mostly. They comment on my buttocks all the time. They said that it is all about my a$$. Whatever that meant. I get embarrassed by this, but they are joking for the most part.
What knockers!
Heh.
Why, sank you.
My grandfather’s work was doodoo!
Somebody’s gotta go back ‘n’ get a shitload o’ dimes!
Taffeta darling.
Taffeta, sweetheart.
Scotty, will you help me with the bags?
He vas MY BOYFRIEND!!!!!
*horses neigh in the background*
(As an aside, I got tickets yesterday to see the Young Frankenstein Musical at the Kennedy Center, can’t wait!)
put ze candle BACK
godzilla!
*screams and runs away from lumbering monster*
No, due to copyright laws it is similar to godzilla but it is not!
I guess that explains why we’re not in Tokyo.
It’s similar to Tokyo, but it isn’t.
I believe its full name is No-Id-Ea.
Oh, we’re there already?
Noh!!
Hey, dilly! I saw on a previous thread that you have a face(ka)buk(i) account. If you wanna, just search for “dragonwriter” and shoot me an invite.
hmmmm
Go ahead.
Perhaps I shall
YAY!
Please pass both along to me.
But of course!
Moi aussi? Gracias.
Bitte!
DW — did you get the e-mail I sent yesterday (with the link to the soup recipe)?
Oh, yes I did! Sorry, I know I need to email you back with my soup recipe, but I have to figure out how to write it down. I sorta kinda made it up, so I need to think about the measurements and ingredients and whatnot.
Thanks for the linkie, though…I’ll have to make that soup when the ice storms hit this winter!
*squeeze*
Phew – I wasn’t even sure if the link would work.
I’m outta here. It’s time to go scrapbooking. Yay! Now to get rid of the headache my new glasses gave me today.
*sigh*
The story of my life.
Knowing where you’re going takes all the mystery out of it.
The story of a girl?
Was she blonde?
Her pretty face she hid from the world.
*steps on bus*
*sits down*
*waits*
What? I’ve always wanted to visit No Idea….
*leans ladder on bus*
*climbs atop bus*
*gently leaps into air, tucking legs underneath*
*does a double somersault before landing with a graceful ploof onto fluffy pile of pillows beside bus*
I hereby declare this Friday Cuddle Puddle OPEN!
*flies way up, folds wings and dives in!*
*dons much more modest, non- wet-looking, one-piece bathing suit and takes off very high heels*
*does a 3-1/2 somersault with a twist dive straight into middle of cuddle puddle*
*makes dainty splash*
Hurray!
*changes into retro pair of Jams*
*Climbs atop bus, does cannonball into Puddle*
*cuddles*
I brought along a pitcher of Daiquiris to share.
*flings self into cuddle-puddle*
*gives everyone quick squeezes before going off for hours and hours and hours to grade freshmen papers*
If I’m not back by tonight, someone come and rescue me…’kay?
Will do, sweets!
Hey, somebody daquiri me!
*Pours Judy a daquiri*
Why, thank you!
*leans back on pillows*
Ahhhh, I could do this the rest of the afternoon.
*puts on spelunking gear*
*click! click! click!*
*upload pics*
*send*
*dons wellington boots and splashes around in cuddle puddle like a 4 year old*
Happy Friday Squeezes all around!
*fills cuddle puddle with tears as a result of a barack’n FB.org*
*squeezes everyone*
*sulks*
Awww, I’m sure the PTB are working on it Leila. Here, have a daquiri.
*squeeze*
*dances into cuddle puddle*
*squeezes everybody*
*serves champagne and sparkling cider*
♪They fixed it! They fixed it! They really, really fixed it!♫
So they did!
The fixit drone e-mailed me and asked me to conduct an experiment as part of their troubleshooting. While it’s nice to think my input might have helped solve the problem, I wonder how much longer I’ll have to keep this lightbulb clenched in my *mumblemumble*
Ooh, I wonder if I got an email!
*runs off to check*
Yay! I was impressed that they even replied to my email about it.
They replied to mine too, telling me that they were working on it. I feel so special!
*hugs self and hums*
@LCB Don’t let go of that lightbulb or you might break the blog!
But… but… I have to go run some errands and I can’t drive standing up!
So take the bus!
*hands LCB a glass of champagne*
*squeeze*
*sips champagne, spills some on lightbulb*
Lightbulb: Bzzzzttttzap!
LCB: *faints*
*fetches duct tape from drawer*
*puts tape across LCB’s mumblemumble*
There! All set!
Well. That’s awkward.
Thx, LGB. I replied but I used the “i-word” so it’s in moderation. I’m off to the grocery store now.
*crosses “light bulbs” and “duct tape” off shopping list*
*running start*
Cannonball!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh! I’m late for the Dragon-squeezes! Well, good luck with those papers!
Dragon…oh Dragon! It’s been five hours – aren’t you done yet???
*staggers back into cuddle puddle*
Help…*gasp*…me….! So…much…bad…writing!!
*faints*
Here’s an antidote (or anecdote) for you.
Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest
2009 Results
Folks say that if you listen real close at the height of the full moon, when the wind is blowin’ off Nantucket Sound from the nor’ east and the dogs are howlin’ for no earthly reason, you can hear the awful screams of the crew of the “Ellie May,” a sturdy whaler Captained by John McTavish; for it was on just such a night when the rum was flowin’ and, Davey Jones be damned, big John brought his men on deck for the first of several screaming contests.
David McKenzie
Federal Way, WA
*kills self*
You ought to enter the 2010 contest. Think what a win would do for your resume and professional standing.
*waves a pom-martini under dragon’s nose*
*waits*
*revives*
Aww! You know exactly what I like!
Honestly, these are priceless, though:
She walked into my office on legs as long as one of those long-legged birds that you see in Florida – the pink ones, not the white ones – except that she was standing on both of them, not just one of them, like those birds, the pink ones, and she wasn’t wearing pink, but I knew right away that she was trouble, which those birds usually aren’t.
Eric Rice
Sun Prairie, WI
*helpless laughter*
I love them, too.
“In a flurry of flame and fur, fangs and wicker, thus ended the world’s first and only hot air baboon ride.”
Tony Alfieri
Los Angeles, CA
Wow, that one’s truly brilliant, still laughing!
Their relationship hit a bump in the road, not the low, graceful kind of bump, reminiscent of a child’s choo choo train-themed roller coaster, rather the kind of tall, narrow speed-bump that, if a school bus ran over it, would cause even a fat kid to fly up and bang his head on the ceiling.
Michael Reade
Durham, NC
It might be time to send out the rescue party. Where’s that guy with the spelunking gear?
*boops Scotty’s nose*
*Passes DW a daquiri.*
Sounds like you’ve earned this.
Fankoo veddy much.
*downs daiquiri in one breath*
*leans ladder on bus*
*climbs to top*
*stands at edge, gently leaps into air, tucking legs underneath*
*does a graceful somersault in air before landing with a gentle ploof into giant pile of fluffy pillows*
I hereby declare this Cuddle Puddle OPEN!
Nice synchronized diving there, Judy!
Didja notice I only did a single the second time?
But you did such a lovely single!
♫ We’re on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin’ that ride to nowhere
Well take that ride…♫
♫ I changed my hairstyle, so many times now,
I have no ID what I look like ♫
A friend had to give his license to a policeman because he witnessed a fender-bender. The cop did an actual double take, because most people probably aren’t wearing the exact same shirt they have on in the picture.
♫Destination unknown, ruby ruby ruby ruby soho♪
♪ I’m failn’ down a speedway
Destination unknown
Double crossed passenger
All alone
Can’t get no connection
Can’t get through where are you?♪
I wonder if the number of people you can fit on that bus doubles every two years.
I wonder how long one has to ride it before the passenger is called a Nazi.
Godwin’s bus?
Occam’s railcar?
Einstein’s Theory of Wherethehellarewe?
Heisenberg’s Uncertainty tour?
Ohmygawdwerelost’s law?
Schroedinger’s Cab?
*runs*
*calls from a safe distance*
Sorry, I’m new at this!
Calling or running?
Trying to join in the word-play! (I have Master’s Degrees in running and calling from a safe distance!)
Pavlovian dogsled?
String theory cable cars?
Darwin’s Theory of Revolution.
Euler’s route number?
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Nissans.
Nobel (Grand)prix prize.
Freud’s notion of unconscious motor-vation.
Lincoln Continental Drift.
Kias Theory.
Mazda truncation (error) space.
Everybody’s mass transportation hysteria.
Archimedes’s Theory that nature abhors internal combustion?
Fermat’s Little Theorum of Prius’s Test?
Fibonacci’s aimless spiral to nowhere?
Bach’s fugue?
The Mandelbrot Jet
*beams a “?” into above post*
Beethoven’s beetle?
The Fabulous Thunderbird’s “Amnesia”?
Peter Gabriel’s “I Don’t Remember”?
Sarah Maclach’d.the.keys.in.bus’ “I Will Not Remember You”?
LMAO, that is hilarious. Looks like the real thing,too!
It looks NOTHING like Coke. Maybe Mt. Dew, but even that’s pushing it.
He’s got the wrong one, baby!
Why are you pushing the bus?
Oh, right. Because it ran out of ideas. Nevermind.
They need some loco notion.
Seems they have run out of steam.
♪♫ Come on baby, dooo the loco motion… ♪♫
That’s just crazy.
And extremely dangerous.
A moving violation, if you will.
*is moved*
*is viola’d*
*disco volantes*
KYLIE! I always want to put Kylie in my pocket and carry her around to be my little absinthe fairy. She’s just about the cutest thing on the planet.
Her sister’s pretty cute as well, though, albeit being a bit too skinny.
And she spells her name with too many “i”s.
♪ The wheels on the bus go ‘I don’t know,’ ‘I don’t know,’ ‘I don’t know’ ♫
♪ The road to nowhere leads to me… ♫
Hee!! ♪ The wheels on the bus go ‘I don’t know,’ all through the…um…? ♫
♪ …No Idea! ♫
♪…FAIL!!! ♪
*squeeze*
How busdrivers have fun with passengers
This, and a light groping.
Or shutting the doors in your face! In
Soviet Russiathe UK, bus drivers hate YOU.I think that one is universal. You should see/meet the bus drivers in Chicago!
I wouldn’t know. I must admit I haven’t ridden a bus in about 10 years. I do ride the lightrail every now and then, though!
London buses are horrendous. There was a case where an elderly man couldn’t board a bus because he had a can of paint. Bizarre.
The drivers seriously need lessons. Whenever I stand in a bus, I feel like I’m aboard the Poseidon. And not in the good way.
What was the good way?!
Being aboard a luxury cruise ship with all the trimmings. The bad way is being tossed this way and that, and feeling seasick.
The party did look sort of nice, before everyone drowned.
What a Titanic summation.
Leave it to the living to allow a little death to ruin an otherwise perfectly good party.
♪♫ I believe that the undead go on. ♪♫
*rearranges the deck chairs*
♪♫ Waiting for an invitation to arrive
Goin’ to a party where no one’s still alive ♪♫
Yay, Dilly! I love Oingo Boingo!!!
♫ Everybody’s coming! Leave your body and soul at the door! ♫
♪♫ Don’t run away! It’s only me! ♪♫
*perks up*
Did someone say “Boingo”?
*drags stereo from grave*
*turns volume up to 11*
*plays “Dead Man’s Party”, then “No Spill Blood”, then “Only a Lad”*
*10 million zombies erupt from ground*
*hoard dances like crazy*
♫It’s a dead man’s party – who could ask for more?♫
Halloween is my birthday & Boingo is my favorite band. I used to go see them at Irvine Meadows Amphitheater at least twice every Halloween season.
*sniff*
I miss them. Apparently there’s no reunion in the cards because Danny Elfman’s hearing was damaged by all his years of performing.
Don’t remind me. Vatos spent a few years getting the rest of the band back together to do a Halloween show (some kid up front … what was his name again … BT4 (whatever that means). I miss those now too.
*might have to throw the farewell show on again this weekend*
Awwww. *squeeze*
But it’s very cool that you got to see them before!
I forgot … clickie!! clickie!!
Good thing Vatos has had a successful music career — because he can’t write. *twitch* I followed a link from that site to Oingo Boingo’s official website which has some very interesting info (interesting if you’re a big fan, anyway).
I can’t believe it’s been almost 14 years since the Farewell concert(s) — I was at both of the Universal Amphitheatre shows. Ahhh – good times.
*is jealous*
I got on a bus last year with a tin of paint. The driver ordered me off. He said their rules are that paint is flammable, “if it spills it might catch fire”.
Silly bus driver!
Well, sure!
…or they try to clean it up with blow torch.
Or Ghost Rider tries to reduce his carbon footprint and take the bus.
Or DW sneezes unexpectedly, after smelling the fumes.
It’s a mystery tour.
It’s magical!
♪ ♫ The magical mystery tour
is coming to take you away,
coming to take you awaaaaaay…♫ ♪
No, really. When I was a kid the local tour bus operators ran day trips to the godforsaken bits of the country they could reach in a couple of hours’ drive. And the mystery tour was inexplicably popular among the more adventurous non-car-owners, including my parents. God, we were poor. But the mystery tour always seemed to end up in Skegness, presumably because nobody would willingly sign up if they knew where they were going. If you don’t know where or what Skegness is, be grateful…
Weird Al was wrong!
He’s gonna sit by you.
That’s hilarious hahaha!
¡Ése es hahaha hilarante!
Das ist Ausgelassen hohoho!
Haiku project final day. It won’t be my final one, but I’ll write them when inspired to do so. Thanks everyone for the great feedback this week.
distressed empty bus;
without driver, riders it
knows not its purpose
That was deep.
*snaps fingers*
*puts on beret, sunglasses, and black turtleneck sweater*
*gets out bongos*
*dons super-sexy, wet-looking, one-piece bathing suit with more skin showing than bathing suit*
*holds up ‘elebentyhundred′ card above head while prancing in a circle in very high heels*
I like it. Evocative.
It’s been a great week, Scott!
Thanks everyone.
*Strums on jazz tuned guitar*
*Plays GS off the stage after standing ovation is complete*
*Snaps fingers while tipping beret to GS*
The coach of dreams is leaving;
only the driver knows where:
Yay, Skegness!
One more comic for the day. – Now I have to go pass out.
Wow, Jenny really is busy! This one’s even funnier than the first IMHO.
*nods*
*squeezes*
Teehee! Awesome. *applauds*
Girl’s got talent.
*snaps*
*congradulatory squeeze*
Buahahaha!!! That’s awesome Jenny.
I LOVE them, Jenny. Well done!
♫Get on the bus Gus no need to fus much♫
Being sober on a bus is, like, totally different than being drunk on a bus.
~Ozzy Osbourne
“It’s unpleasantly like being drunk.”
“What’s so unpleasant about being drunk?”
“Ask a glass of water.”
if you drink alot of water real fast you can get drunk!
*5 eagles looks into hole from whence ZA came and steals a femur*
Oh crap, you now have femur fever!
*places a present containing a fresh brain near the hole’s entrance*
*looks at present*
*smells a trap*
*doesn’t care – is curious*
*feasts on brain gift – slowly*
*makes a spectacle of it*
letter “Do you like it?
I got it just for you.”
And I caught you a delicious bass.
My brain is far to dead to understand where this is going, or where it came from. Is that what the bus sign means too?
No idea
Deb: Are they still letting you run for president?
Pedro: Yes. I don’t understand… they say you’re not allowed to have pinatas that look like real people, but in Mexico, we do it all the time.
Napoleon: It’s pretty much my favorite animal. It’s like a lion and a tiger mixed… bred for its skills in magic.
I have met, petted and taken pictures with this Liger. He’s even more impressive in real life. One of the coolest experiences in my life.
Napoleon: GOSH!
(fuzz: totally awesome — I’d love to do that)
Without even playing this clip I feel that this is an excellent first step toward becoming liger droppings.
“Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER!… Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD!”
I wouldn’t be too scared of those things, If you just think back to what I did over the summer.
I have a pic of me cuddling with a tiger, but not a liger.
Well, Quazzie, they kept trying to attack your cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?
I’d throw oranges at them, of course.
*violently and spasmodically drinks some juice*
I see you’re drinking 1% milk. Is that ’cause you think you’re fat? ‘Cause you’re not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.
I’m just cutting back a bit is all.
You gonna eat your tots?
Get your own!
*menacingly fake-lunges at Dilly*
*
*Thinks about kicking her curiously bulged pocket
Okay…
*goes off to buy tots from cafeteria*
At least mine will be warm!
Aaa!!
And I was going to tell you I liked your sleeves. They’re real big.
*Feels terrible*
*leaves a cake on Dilly’s doorstep*
Oh!
*feels better*
Sorry I’m late. I just got done taming a wild honeymoon stallion for you guys.
You can tame stallions?
Lucky!
Jenny’s back!
Say, you got any chap-stick? My lips hurt real bad.
Jenny’s not the only one who’s back.
♫ Guess who’s back (back, back…)
Back again (‘gain, ‘gain…)
Shady’s back (back, back…)
Tell a friend (friend, friend…) ♫
Lookin’ slim, there. What’s your secret?
Well, a life spent shootin’ and ridin’ them fancy horses off into the sunset does sure as heck put a body right, miss.
*taps brim of hat*
*smiles dazzlingly rugged smile*
*swoons*
Whoops. Careful there, miss. You’ll knock yourself right out.
*helps dilly back up*
Peek-a-boo! I see Qwaz, and Dilly and some Fuzz.
I was just checking out the love-moment on the Poice Chase Fail. It reminds me we are all still humans.
I don’t just say Shadow when I read your name. I whisper “Sshhhadow”
*snork!*
Um, ZA, I’ve always wanted to ask this to a member of the undead, but, what does the human brain taste of? Chicken? Beef?
mmmmm, tastes like braaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiinnnssss!
lol!
♪♫ The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out
The worms play pinochle on your snout
One little worm that isn’t so shy
Craws in your ear and out your eye
Your eyes they turn a gushy green
Your stomach turns to whipped ice-cream
You spread it on a piece of bread
And that’s what you eat when you’re dead! ♪♫
♪♫ Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
I think I’ll go eat worms!
Big fat juicy ones,
Eensie weensy squeensy ones,
See how they wiggle and squirm!
Down goes the first one, down goes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm!
Up comes the first one, up comes the second one,
Oh how they wiggle and squirm!
I bite off the heads, and suck out the juice,
And throw the skins away!
Nobody knows how fat I grow,
On worms three times a day!
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me,
I think I’ll go eat worms!
Big fat juicy ones,
Eensie weensy squeensy ones,
See how they wiggle and squirm! ♪♫
♪♫ Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
mutilated monkey meat
chopped up little birdie feet!
Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
and me without a spoon! ♪♫
Good thing there’s no badgers about, then.
:[
I’ll pay for this but…
*pokes dilly with a spoon*
OMG, dubs, clicky. DO WANT
OHMIGAWD!!!!
Wantwantwantwantwantwant!!!
This one too!!!
The man truly IS an Executive…
I wouldn’t mind having my own “Plymouth” one.
No! I’m a fücking squirrel!
(I know what I want for Christmas!)
I can’t wait that long!!
A version I was taught (in the Girl Guides) is very similar but includes another verse:
The long, thin slimy ones slip down easily,
The short fat fuzzy ones stick – urgh!
The short fat fuzzy ones stick in the teeth
And the juice goes sssssssssssstth (long slurp sound)
You bite off their heads and suck out the juice… etc.
Yeeuch, I don’t feel like making dinner now…
*mixes Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster*
*hits you round the head with a slice of lemon, wrapped around a large gold brick*
*adds a SQUEEEZE THE MOOMIN to the mix for a delightfully new alcoholic experience altogether*
That’s comforting, aint it? “where are we going?” “I DON’T KNOW!” (added by Mobile using Mippin)
the hell?! Is this going to start happening like on Facebook?
Mippin sounds like a relation of mine.
(added by Moomin using Muppet)
(added by dilettante using a moped)
(added by Scott while eating a muffin)
(added by Scott using a moppet)
(added by a Scott using Montgomery)
lol … Scott is an adding MACHINE!!
Phew! Goodness, I’m still catching my breath from that laugh. The 3 post coming up so quickly cracked me up!
(added by Scott using a Moomin
(added by fuzz using a Mormon
(dilettante, an added wife, used by a big mist)
(added by Fuzz using an abacus)
(added by Scott using a recipe
(added by dilly using a ))
This, I don’t really get. It’s obvious, but its humor is quite, uhm, unrevealed too much.
I’m lost.
Well where were you headed?
No when you got on the bus where did it say its destination was?
♪ I once was lost, but now am found ♫
♫ Oh no, you’ve unrevealed too much…♫
I wouldn’t ask that Carz for directions.
But he says it’s obvious! How could I go wrong?
Don’t ask me to explain it; I’ve unrevealed too much already.
Quite? Quite.
♪ Here in my Carz. I feel safest of all. I can lock all my doors. It’s the only way to live. In Carz. ♫
♫ I don’t mind you coming here
and wasting all my time
’cause when you’re standing oh so near
i kinda lose my mind ♫
Ric and Paulina? Go figure. I don’t get it. Does she have a thing for guys with big … erm … Adam’s Apples?
I always figured he must be REALLY good in bed.
I always figured his money must be REALLY good in bed.
I thought she didn’t get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day?
Reminds me of the time I tried to visit Out Of Service.
This one was pretty funny, but the caption was way funnier when I first saw it because in my head I put the emphasis on the wrong word. At first glance it read as “Destination: Fail”, like it was some kind of mission or quest.
“We’re on a mission from God.”
“I’m a soul man“
“Now that’s the spirit!”
His act is just falling apart.
Right from the get go!
Honesty
WIN!
Is there an echo in here?
echo, echo,
…in here, here
…wanders around lost for 6ish hours.
Woohoo!!!!! All praise the Powers That Be for fixing my beloved blog!!!!
*pops open champagne*
*rolls out cannon*
*lights fuse*
*little silver Ps, Ts and Bs shoot out*
Yay!
AHHHHHH I got TB all over me!
Aargh, tuberculosis! *flees*
No, it’s fine! Just a tasty butterfinger.
A toasted bagel.
A toad booger.
Toads? Bah.
Toads! Belligerent toads!
Sounds toadally bogus, dude.
Noobs can’t TriBork!
Tuber, buttmounted? She said, vicariously.
Transmit Baconlube.
A tadpole bi?, he said amphibiguously.
To butt, or not to butt…said the ambiguously gay duo.
*leads parade of the 3rd Witty Comments Countering Trolls Division through FailBlog Main Street*
*jets make fly-by*
*patriotic music plays*
Another party? Mine is up there ^^^.
Must be a good day, everyone seems to be in the party mood.
Hey lets all dance
*brings out boombox*
*Dances*
*lets out a long, ear-splitting scream*
After being out sick for three days, I came to work so I could get lots of stuff done (lest Monday be hell). Fine. Swell. Well – until the computers went down for three freakin’ hours. Now I’m trying to cram a whole day’s work into half a day & people are wondering why they don’t have their stuff yet. *grumblegrumblegrmph*
Ow.
*wiggles ear with finger*
*hands nightshayde a drink*
It won’t help the situation, but it might help the coping mechanism!
Thanks!
Monday is going to be a very long day, I fear. *sigh*
Hey, who broke my wine glass…! Oh, sorry to hear, Nightshayde.
*squeeze*
At least you can still hear!
I’m sorry, what’d you say?
And… Where are you?
*takes off cracked glasses*
“But…there was time!”
I feel so powerful! I’m breaking eardrums, breaking eyeglasses, breaking wine glasses. I’m proud!
I love you like a long-lost twin, NS, but stay the hell away from me. I’ve still got that light bulb, um, on board.
I thought you looked exceptionally radiant this evening.
Watt a smooth talker you are!
I can resist talking to you.
You can? Are you trying to gaslight me?
You’ve got my tungsten knots.
♪♫Gonna take a filamental journey…♪♫
*snaps a photongraph*
Nice!
EEP! I’m overexposed!
You shouldn’t flash us like that.
“Us”? I didn’t bargain for a 3-way.
♫ You got a fast carbon I got a plan to light our way out of here…♫
Keep that up, Mister and I’ll tell everyone how you LED me on.
The wheels on the bus go round
and round, round and round, round and round;
the wheels.
Yeah, bus drivers gets lack of ideas right now!
Another vacuous vacation?
wow…really
Here’s a good one. You’ll love this.. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
NO IDEA!!! (gets back on bus quickly..)
I’m glad we’re all in a singin’ swingin’ good mood today.
♫What’s this road again?
Can anyone tell me the name of this road again?
Hopped on the bus, got lost with my Fail Friends
I’ve no idea why we got on this bus of lost men♫
Well, as they say, it’s the journey that’s important, not the destination. (of course, “they” say a lot of things, and I’m sure there’s another one out there that goes “don’t get in a stranger’s vehicle if they won’t tell you where they’re going or your decapitated body might end up vulture food in some vast desert to pose a mystery to some second-rate anthropologist when your dessicated bones are found a few centuries later”)
…I think I’ve heard that saying somewhere before.
But…what if he swears there are kittens and candy in the van? I like kittens.
I WANNA RIDE IN THE KITTEN VAN!
I’ll stay behind. Can you guys bring me back some candy?
Come with us to Candy Mountain Qwaz!! Candy Mountain! It’s full of sugary goodness!!!
*wakes up*
What’s going on? Stop jumping on me.
…So I can give you a *squeeze*
Squeeeeze the nonbeliever!!! SQUEEEEZE!!!!
The looney detector van, you mean.
The man told me their equipment could pinpoint a purr at four hundred yards!
Look, it’s people like you what cause unrest.
No. Idea?
Oh yeah, I’ve been there, it’s just north of South Idea. Nice place.
Well, we know what time your parents go to bed.
*squeeze*
Hee! You are very perceptive, padawan!
A late but enthusiastic *SQUEEZE!*
AA – you crack me up.
Sounds like you’re living in your own private Idea.
I’m 51 B’s short. Just Brewski.
*looks down*
Sorry, can’t help you. I only have D’s.
*lights up*
Jokes are not fail.
We all have those days… I’m sure the bus driver’s just going throug a rough patch… wandering aimlessly through life…
*produces an extra ‘h’ seemingly from nowhere, and catapults it up into the previous comment*
WAY crazy OT here:
Have I ever mentioned on here that I’m obsessed with gas masks?
I want to own one, but It’s gotta be badass and functional.
… You never know.
Cool, kid. Me, too. I made mostly gas masks and helmets in art school, out of things like paper, latex, fabric, tyvek, beeswax, silk…the form and function obsessed me as well.
461st! YES!
*snorkroffle*
Okay, okay…
*is attempting to type through tears of laughter*
So, I have an adorable little brother named Jacob. He’s five. He likes to repeat things that he hears, as five year olds are wont to do. Lately, his new thing has been inserting a cliché into whatever he is saying, where ever possible.
Anyway, he was helping me clean a mirror just now. And we finished it up. So he throws away his paper towel, puts away the cleaner, and with this beautiful “job-well-done” look on his face, he says, “Wow, brother, this mirror is so clean, I can see myself in it!”
*breaks down laughing again*
One would hope so.
Oh the innocence of youth.
I think i know why the buss has no idea where it is. I dont see a driver do you?
Or maybe someone asked the buss what the atomic weight of gold is.
Or maybe it had to divide by zero
Or maybe it had to figure out how much 5 euros are worth in quarters
i say this is a bus win.
HA!
So true
Very honest
Not very funny….
I just realized it says Moore below the window.
In the show there is a Detective Moore (and idiot that doesn’t know anything and is getting all credit of the cases that Detective Conan solves) in the show Detective Conan/Case Closed.
jeez what a name you got.
Government tour bus.
Dem’s/Rep’s have equal seating opportunities.
Clearly going to the popular tourist destination of “No Idea, Florida.”
Do you even know where that is?
This isn’t a “fail” nor is it “funny.”
It is a tour company being clever.
Destined to Fail
Fare is still $1.50, regardless of what happens next.
no idea huh? wew… then where we should go? hihi
Some fails just don’t seem like their real
Common homonym Fail. It’s “they’re” as in “they are”, not “their” as in group ownership. I have to agree with Calvin, though.
This is a win
Its the party bus!
Roll up, roll up for the mystery tour.
Roll up, roll up for the mystery tour.
Roll up GOT EVERYTHING YOU NEED, roll up for the mystery tour.
Roll up SATISFACTION GUARANTEED, roll up for the mystery tour.
The magical mystery tour is hoping to take you away,
Hoping to take you away.
WIN!
Honesty win?
thats my kind of bus