Submitted by Rebecca M
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Cheezburger Company Blog
genus: Arachnophotogenic
Who did its hair and makeup? Fabulous!
I know the person in charge
The nails are specTACular!
You can’t find adobe here, guys.
its like those 50ths movies about spiders lmfao
50ths? fail
Why say 50 therefore including the otherwise in era of unlike america?
No, the Engrish website is next door. This is FAIL Blog.
FailHuman sticks to his name.
Not a fail, just a lithp.
Bahahahahah
And I for one, welcome our new Arachnid overlords…
I just want to tell you both good luck. We’re all counting on you.
Roger roger. Whats our vector Victor?
YAY FIRST COMMENT
even though I don’t speak firsts
that looks like a first-comment fail to me
You are the one who fails.
Your mom fails.
Your Moms Mom fails
Your text fails. >.>
creepy
are your spidey senses tingling?
The spider spied him.
I spy with my little eye….
The spider who shagged me.
*leaps into Spider and drives off*
Hey, wait for me-e-e-e-e!
are your speedy senses tingling?
*is flying overhead*
*drops down line through trapdoor in helicopter*
*scoops Judy up*
*drops us both into Spider*
(In best Sean Connery voice) You’ll jusht hahve to sit in mahey lap, Joody.
Hold on, friends!
*steps on the handbrake and yanks the wheel around*
*tires squeal and smoke rises from the tarmac*
VROOOOM VROOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!
Erm, Joody, I’ve never sheen you quite like thish befohre…
*maneuvers feet away from face*
Nicely done, Dragon.
*click*
WOW! That was fun!!! Let’s do it again!!!!
If is a spider spies me, I’ll have my wasp spray ready.
This reminds me of a story, that I am now going to share with you all.
When Spider-man came out I was working at Blockbuster. As part of the promotion for the DVD, we had a contest to win a life-size Spider-man. One night we decided to leave a surprise for our store manager opening in the morning. We put a hat on “Spidey” and placed him in the middle of the aisle we knew she would take to get to the office, with a sign that asked, “Are your spidey senses tingling?” Got her pretty good.
Another time we rigged him in the office to swing down the stairs toward the door when it was opened.
Ahhhh, good times.
I like your prank better. All we did is put tape on the bottom of the mouse, rearrange the letters in the keyboard and other things involving staplers, glue and a lot of TP.
Wait, so that guy who owned that keyboard was hunting and pecking? It would take me ten minutes to notice that my keys were rearranged. Lol, it would be funny if you put the Windows key on a Mac keyboard.
♫ Spider cam, spider cam, does whatever a spider cam does.
Oh what a tangled web you weave….
Creepy crawlies just like the spotlight.
♪ Jeepers, Creepers, where’d you get those peepers… ♪
My dad. You?
Er, my mother. I think.
Gives a whole new meaning to web cam.
Dude! Get an avatar, you belong as a regular with that one!
For an avatar, go to gravatar.com.
Actually i have one but the site won’t keep me logged in. I login go to Fail and I’m logged out again, so I just gave up and be anon with no avatar. Sigh.
No need to stay logged in, just make sure you enter the same email as the one you registered on gravatar.
Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt….still nothing.
Wait, i have to go to another site to set an avatar here?
(Head asplodes)
Ok, let’s see…Does it blend?
Nope, no joy and I am cluttering up the page with junk.
I will stop now and live in my avatarless world…./cry
Patience, young one.
And now…
.
.
.
.
VOILA!! An avatar!
*applauds*
Bravo!!!! Encore!!!!
*hands Dude a shot o’ Cabo*
It’s a trick! It’s all to do with mirrors!
Woohoo! Go Dude!
*squeeze*
BTW, I totally agree with the sentiment in your avatar.
It’s like Dude is one of us now …
*single tear streams down cheek*
Heehee!
*sets out welcome giftie-basket for Dude*
*makes sure there’s lots of coffee in it*
It gives me great pleasure to welcome the newest member of the FailBlog Community, Dude.
*applauds*
*leaves FailID card for Dude*
*brings a basked filled with BaconLube, shamwow and
cookies and gives them to Dude*
Dude!!!
Dude, if I only knew beforehand …
Dude, where’s my car?
Sweet! What does mine say?
Dude!!! What does mine say?
Lol, it was all worth it to see all the Dude jokes…
Good to see the Dude abides.
Welcome, Dude.
“That or uhh, His Dudeness, or uhh, Duder, or uhh, ya know, El Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.”
Hey Dude, dont make it bad.
Take a sad song and make it better…
Um…*taps fingers on desk*
Yes.
Why does anyone watch the weather with a videocamera in their hand? If you want to record it, why not get a VCR? It seems odd to me, but I’m sure there’s a good reason.
Pretty sure they had DVR, saw the clip, and then rewound (?) to take the video.
It was nice of him to spare the news guy’s life.
Spider retracted when he saw it was live TV. They don’t show you what happened after they were off air… *shudders*
GAH!
*runs and hides under bed*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
*runs out from under the bed and climbs a very tall tree*
*calls fire Dept. to get Dragon out of tree*
*waits for cute firefighters to show up with camera in tow*
*he lobs a Shelob for to see a show*
How do you get a dragon out of a tree?
Shortbread cookies. We just can’t resist shortbread cookies.
*lays bowl of shortbread cookies beneath trees*
*hides behind bush*
And here I thought we’d have to enlist a high ranking naval officer to lure her down.
*munches on shortbread cookies and waits for dragon to get out of the tree*
BFF, why are you hiding?
Er, I didn’t want to put DW off her food by stand there and staring at her.
Oh!
*takes a handful of shortbread cookies and hides with BFF*
*still clutching the very tippy-top of the tree*
WHAT?
Sorry to shout. Spider will be here till a new Fail is issued. Surely you can’t stay up on the tree till then…
*wields snake*
Yep. You can come down now, the spider is gone.
Whew! Theng-kew!
*clambers down*
*snags a shortbread cookie*
*munchity-munchy-munch!*
Ha! I was right!
And a great deal of care.
We recommend flame-retardant clothing, just in case.
Dragon’s reminded me (by screen name) of this sad news. Clickie
I don’t know of her but may God rest her soul.
I grew up listening to Peter, Paul, and Mary albums…my mum would play them all the time.
*hums “Puff the Magic Dragon quietly to self*
From what I know of her she was a genuinely kind and caring soul who stood up for what she believed in.
*hums along*
*cries when Puff ceases his fearless roar*
*holds up lighter for Mary*
The tree I was in was a lemon tree.
Very pretty.
*ring out love between my brothers and my sisters*
*wonders why so many gracious souls are dying this summer*
“But today she had a song to sing
and a poem she knew”
R.I.P. Mary Travers
that spider moved abit weird eh
all aboot the screen, eh
That spider’s a hoser.
Canadian alert! Call da asians
That’s not a spider win, that’s a weather report fail!
*runsawaywithaquickness – and off to work TTFN*
*raises eyebrow*
*shakes head*
Tsk.
*makes note in logbook*
*peers over Ms B’s shoulder at logbook*
Oh my.
Okay.
*fills cuddle puddle with C bubble*
I still don’t know what the answer is though.
Oo! A bubble puddle!
*slides in and relaxes*
A bubble cuddle puddle?!? I don’t mind if I do!
*slides right in beside Dragonwriter*
*hands cuddles a glass of bubbly*
Aaaah, this is the life.
*puppy eyes*
*pout*
What? You waiting for a hand-engraved invitation?? C’mon in!
I showered a month ago…so I am good. I just want some bubbly. Please…
*removes pants ala Brewski and dives in*
*remembers this is Commando Thurs*
Uh, excuse the bushy tail.
What?!? You haven’t seen the “Mow the Lawn” vid?!?
You can take care of that bushy tail with a good brazilian type waxing. Good luck!!!
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…
beavershaver dawt comm – ES1080 Combo
beaver?? I thought Skratdaddy was a chipmunk or that other thing.
He’s a sabertoothed squirrel.
*grabs a glass of bubbly and joins the bubble puddle*
*slides in next to Mr. Cuddles*
*decides not to do headstand in whateveritisthatsbubbling*
*glug!*
I hope I’m not too late for the bubbly puddle!
*slides in, gratefully accepts glass of bubbly*
Let’s celebrate Andy’s recovery progress!
*drinks deep of the bottle of happiness*
*clinks ‘n’ drinks*
Judy!!
*clinks!*
*takes off pants*
*puts on swim trunks*
COWABUNGA!
Wait a minute…what kind of puddle is this again?
Great! Still some good friends about! *snuggles into warmth of friendship puddle*
Yay!!!!
*schnuggles*
Wow – I just looked at “recent comments” – you made one, I did the rest. Guess we’re the only two still up. Well, I’m going to go check facebook, then off to bed. Nitey-nite, sweetie!
Hee, just call and your friends will come!
*turns on the water jets, schnuggles*
Anyone looking to get out of the rain can hide under the spider.
♪ a spider with no name ♪
♪the huge gigantic spider went crawling on the house♫
♫Down came the rain and washed the spider out♫
♪ out came the sun and — the spider crawled all over the sun screen ♪
♪ The gigantic spider crawled up her nose again ♪
♪ That doesn’t even make no spider sense ♪
Cuz I been through the desert…
You brought back the crappy bicycle / lightning guy that everyone hates?
Yes. Yes they did.
DOT ORG!
I must not be everyone.
I think he meant “everyone that has no taste and/or sense of humor.”
*squeeze*
I agree, Gracie.
*squeezes*
We’re the only ones who matter anyhow.
*squeeze!*
How’s Andy? Any better?
No definitive diagnosis yet. Fever is down to 100 (from 103.8), and the heart rate is better. They’re going to keep him another day, at any rate. Thanx for asking. *squeeze*
Aww!
I’m glad he’s better, though. Give him a *squeeeze!* from us, ‘kay?
I sure will!
*hands Judy some cheery juice to take to hospital*
*squeezie!*
*Squeezes*
Cuz you’re not on facebook, Scott!
Got back a bit ago – - he’s looking and feeling so much better! I gave him a squeeze from my Failblog friends. (On his arm – he still won’t let me any closer yet.) He didn’t even seem to question what a “squeeze” was! I’m hoping they’ll release him tomorrow. He’s really getting antsy! Thanks to all of my friends for the good wishes. They seem to have worked. *smoochiesqueezes*
*squeeziesmooch*
*special squeezies for Brewski*
DOT ORG!
Will somebody pass me a giant shoe please?
Someone call Sultan Kösen.
A sultan? We need an emperor at the least!
Someone call Keyer Söze.
Key-good.
Are these gentlemen that you refer to valiant spider warriors of olde?
Sultan was in the news today for being recognized as the tallest living man by the *cough*guinessbookofrecords*cough*.
*coughs up extra n*
For more information on Mr. Kösen, clickie.
Eight Legged Freaks II. Freak Harder!
Call me after the eight legged friend is safely extracted from FB. *RunsTheHellAwayFromHere*
Come Back Leila!!!!
*gets samauri spider sword*
*attacks spider*
*spider kicks a$$*
Run Away! Run Away!
…and hello
I don’t like spiders…bad childhood experience with a spider bite!
GAH!! I haven’t had a bad experience but I cannot stand them. I feel bad for you.
*hateshateshatesHATES spiders*
That’s no way to be, man! You gotta let go of the hate and just looooove. Let the spiders feel your love, and their shall be peace.
*has been bitten by a brown recluse*
*feels entirely justified in her hatred of spiders*
That’s racial stereotyping!
I bet you Avis is into spidey profiling too.
Can’t we all just get along!!!
*gives Avis a sympathetic pat.pat on her back*
ROFLMAO!!
Any spiders that get within 5 feet of me feel the love of the bottom of my shoe. Then I am at peace.
AMEN!
Stand back!
*orders CSTR (Counter-Spider Tank Regiment) to move in*
My hero.
Samauri? I’m insulted.
So am I!
Me too but I am not sure why.
Yeah, me too!
Hey, I’ll play. Me, too!
What are we playing? Me 7?
Me 8.
Ate what?
9?
Not knowing is making me 10s!
10sion realease technique is on at elebenty tonight.
Uhh, my amplifier goes to 12?
Play on with your bad self!
A faux pas committed here! Skratdaddy needs punishment.
Ooh, kinky.
BFF!!!
Go to your room young man. Pronto!
Yes, ma’am.
*grumbles while climbing stairs*
Sorry, but I had the sword and figured I hadn’t seen you for a while and took matters into my own paws!
*kicks dirt with toe*
I’m sorry!
Oh, come on! This is way better than the snake one a while back. You don’t have to see the spider everytime you look at the top of the screen.
I will take a snake any day Ms B.
*shudders*
Snakes are cool as opposed to ‘that thing’ up there.
*nods*
Absolutely.
Y’all should see Checker since he shed his skin the other day – BRIGHT shiny orange!
All 6 feet of him.
I wanna see!!!
Alas, I would need to post a photo (after taking one) somewhere. But trust me, he’s looking mighty fine
You don’t have access to the photo sharing websites do you?
What type is Checker?
Well, I used to but I’ve forgotten the passwords & stuff.
He’s a corn snake
OMG – I saw him yawn the other day!! Very obviously a yawn, just like people and other pets the way he did it. Mouth was open 180 degrees!
He looks a lot like this (clickie)
Wow! Gorgerous colorations!!!!
I can’t say that I’ve seen a snake yawn. I didn’t even know they did.
Neither did I! ‘Twas very cute.
He’s a lot shinier right after he sheds than the snake in the pic, but the color is just right
Sweet, I used to raise red tailed boas. Then Ms Skratdaddy came along. She likes the snakes just not their dinner.
At least corn snakes don’t mind them already deceased.
We just put the mouses in the freezer (purchased frozen) and thaw them right before dinner, which is only every coupla weeks.
Purdy!!!
Hee! I saw some baby corn snakes in a pet shop a few days ago and I thought of you. Now I know why you thought my wild snake was so big–these were wee darlings!
I stayed far away from the snake fail.
*nods head*
hehe! I remember. So, is it weird that I am deathly afraid of spiders, roaches (GAH!!!!) and not snakes?
Then you should probably stay away from these bakeries. (Clicky! It’s safe, I promise!)
Clickies are evil.
Clicky!!!
*pouts*
It’s just cakewrecks. :p
Okay…I will do it just cuz it’s you.
OH GAWD!!!!!!
What tha…???
*makes appointment to have mind bleached*
Avis has produced worse.
Oh, and *squeeze*.
We just won’t eat cake today.
*squeeze* What’s been seen cannot be unseen. It’s okay. I will live.
All I have to ask is WHY? Do people still have an appetite to eat the cake?
I sure wouldn’t. I think these people sometimes forget that at the end of the day, these cakes are meant to be eaten. The concept of appetizing must be lost on them.
Let them not eat cake.
cakewrecks rocks
*ahem*
*SQUEEZE!*
*squeeze back*
I have got to post yesterdays culinary adventure, it turned out DIVINE! I’ll write a blog post tonight about it.
It’ll give you something to do with all those tomatoes.
I’m disturbed that a site has a section devoted to creepy things on cakes. I’m more disturbed that I just spent 10 minutes browsing through various pages of a cake site.
Strange minds. Strange and disturbed minds dream up such cakes.
Leila! It’s gone! You can come back now.
Good thing about videos is that it’s not permanently on the screen as a pic would be.
Hi Judy!
But you know it’s still up there. Crawling around. Above your head.
(Hi, Leila!)
…and could at any moment drop DOWN on a web and land in your hair.
(How’s all the failpeeps today??)
*squeeze* I’m great! How are you today DW?
Doing fine, thanks! I got a great big smile when I saw your cute, cuddly little yellow face here!
I wonder if he noticed afterward…
He’s not very good at blending in like a ninja.
A Ninja such as yourself?
YOU CAN SEE HIM?!
You’re fooling yourself, Leila.
See whom?
I know nothing!!!!
Mr. Muffet sat on his tuffet, trying to present the news. Along came a spider who sat down beside him, and made the poor lad go boohoo.
*applauds*
I’m not really sure why I’m in such a nursery rhymes kind of mood today.
*bows*
Granny, can you stitch up my ass while I’m bent over?
Watch out for Judy!!
*squeeze*
HIYA, mr cuddles! I’ve missed you!
*squeeze* I’ve missed you too lovely!
I’m so happy to be back!
So, work un-block ya?
Yup! They must have come to their senses and realized there was no malicious material posted on the site after all.
YAY!!!!
*squeeze!*
*squeeze*
WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! This calls for champagne!
A glass of bubbly and a bubble cuddle puddle all in one fail? I think I’m in heaven!
There you are!!
Now chug with me…
*GLUG Glug glug glug…*
*quickly grabs Mr. Cuddles and stands him on his head*
˙sɹɐǝ puɐ ǝsou ɹnoʎ ʇno ƃuıɯoɔ ɯoɹɟ sǝןqqnq ǝɥʇ sdǝǝʞ ʇı
*snorkle*
*GLUG GLUG Glug glug glug bn1b bn1b bn1b!*
*¡ɥsooןds*
¡ɥƃnɐן noʎ ǝʞɐɯ ǝuoǝɯos uǝɥʍ sןıɐɟ ʇı ʇnq
(:
I see why you were promoted to corporal.
I wonder which idiots record the news on camera…
Psst! DVR!
The camera is necessary, otherwise it’s called radio.
Misunderstanding fail.
HAHAHAHA Barbecue tonight x)
♪Look, he’s crawling up my wall,
Black and hairy, very
smalltall.Now he’s up above my head,
Hanging by a little thread.♫
This thread really bugs me…..
It’s creeping me out…
Making your skin crawl?
Crawl up the wall?
♫Boris the Spider♪
↓↓↓ *snork* Great minds think alike. ↓↓↓
^5!
The weatherman takes the city’s impending doom rather well..
What you don’t realize is that he is the one who released the spider, and his news broadcast is his airtight alibi.
He was just trying to get a leg up on the competition. This will surely bring in the ratings!
8 legs up on the competition, Mrs. B
Wow… I would have freaked the hell out.
Holly Arachnids, Batman! To the Batmobile!!
We’d better wind things up here first, Robin.
Perhaps with a c*ocktail or two in the bat caves.
don’t worry, Batman, I brough the super-spider anti-venom!!! and this handsome tea cozy I knitted last night while I was thinking of you…
Wow. It’s shaped like… a bat. How… disturbing, Robin.
Taking advantage of a funny situation FAIL.
It’s the Klystron9 giant arachnid detector, new from Acme Corporation.
*paints tunnel on cliff face*
*waits behind bush*
Yay, partly cloudy with a chance of giant spider =3 any one else wondering where Mothra might be?
He is currently involved in an epic battle between Godzilla, King Kong, and Mr. T.
giant size Mr. T or regular size (still quite large)?
If Mr. T is fighting King Kong and Godzilla, he better be giant size.
that’s what I’m thinking! ZA, to the super size ray!
RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WHY IS THE FAILBLOG DOT ORG STILL IN THE VIDEOS!!!!?
We slipped it in just to irritate you.
Mission accomplished.
*high fives Leila*
I love it when a plan comes together.
I ain’t gettin’ on no plane!
And I pity the fool who messes with our bicycle guy!
The Powers that Be are very good to us.
Yes, yes they are!
And when they’re not, we have TEQUILA!!!!!!!
Doo do do dodoo do dooooo, doo do do dodoo doo
you forgot the “dot org”, hammy!
Hmmm, I’m beginning to like the DOT ORG more all the time!
RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WHY DO YOU PEOPLE KEEP COMPLAINING!!!!?
What else is there to do?
this *squeeze*
*joins in*
*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE*
*slips in >>>ZAP!<<< just to further irritate the "person" ^^^ *
*squeeeeeeeeeeeezeWNandabstract*
Ooh, a squeezefest!
*jumbs into thread and SQUEEZES
…everybody*
*swaps ‘b’ for a ‘p’*
(sorry if this double posts, the first one got eaten)
Nothing like a late Thursday (for me) squeezeFest!!!!
*moves Jumbs out the the way, joins in the Squeezes*
*puts sticky on monitor reminding himself ro refresh before posting*
You may not be refreshed, but I’ll still *squeeeeze!* ya.
Hee
*Squeeezzze!*
*wonders why Great Scott is starting to act like Scooby Doo*
*SQUEEZE!*
Ruh ro! Rome on Raggy, rets ret out of rere!
*grabs Admiral, scrambles out of scene*
Rut roh!
*follows*
*pictures WN on a bicycle just to complete the 1mage*
Thank you – thank you – thank you very much!
WN! Watch out for that >ZAP!< lightning!
Snorksqueeeeeeze to GBF the grumpy old man.LOL
Grumpy old man? I think you’ve place me in the wrong age range there, 5 eagles.
I’ve changed his name to 1 eagle, 4 spiders (see below).
That sounds like a grotesque sequel to 2 girls 1 cup.
Grotesque? I assumed the sequel would be a heartwarming romp that taught us all valuable lessons about life and love, and the triumph of the human spirit.
*scootches away from dilly*
*withaquickness*
Come back, Judy! I rented us a movie and everything!
Depends….what movie? Is Sean Connery or Patrick Swayze in it?
*takes off dunce cap*
Duh, of course, the sequel.
I’ll pass, sweetie. Unless you’ve got some cheese popcorn handy…
He should have gone with “…and a giant spider is attacking the downtown area! RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!”
I would have fallen over laughing no matter who I was. The studio director, the people watching the news, and me here watching on failblog! That would have been an epic win!!!
So…you’re telling us that you have the ability to be three people at once??
That truly IS abstract…
cubism
lol, that’s me!!
Which one?
this one *passes through Oz*
Yes… that one.
Thank you for clarifying.
Sure, happy to help!
yes, you can’t do that? oh, well, it is a fringe benefit to being me, myself and I …… actually, though, the pople watching the news probably are in the 10s of 1000s so I am as I have said beofre omnipresent…. currently incorporeal.
I, for one, welcome our giant arachnid overlords!
Thank you Kent Brockman.
And we go over to Arnie Pie, the eye in the sky, who has just crashed his helicopter into a billboard.
Win
yayyy for tampa! i watch that news
YAAAAAAAAAAAY for alexandra! I’m watching her…
May I ask why?
Yes.
You can.
Baracknophobia!!!!
LMAO!! And I’ll be able to get it put back on for FREEEEEEEE!!!
Shit, Leila, I can’t believe you just said that!
I’m gonna tell my mother that one! She’ll love it!
It’s what nearly every single one of my relatives have!
I am watching alexandra and WhoeNellie for rabies.
I am removing 4 eagles and replacing them with spiders.
I am getting some Raid for those 4 spiders.
Don’t forget to *SNORK!!!*
*snork*
*snork*
*snork*
*snork*
*snork*
Don’t get caught working and snorking at the same time.
It could cost you your job.
*swork!*
Ow! That hurts!
ROFL!!!
May I interest you in an eagle sandwich after you spray?
*making like Ms B*
We do not eat our Fail Friends!
Friends, yes, that’s true…
It does depend what Leila means by “Friends”, and if eagles here fits into that category.
Oooh! Did I miss something? Guess I’ve been gone a while.
5 eagles has become very demanding recently, and is being hostile to other posters as he does so. He acts like he owns the place.
How unfortunate!
A good example would be his order for the act of snorking to be banned on one fail. Outrageous!
Like that is ever gonna happen!
*snork*
Not to mention, one does not tell their friends to “eat sh!t”.
Wow. *tsk* I know he started out very hostile and at times made bizarre comments but I thought he would learn FB etiquette by now.
He snipes at me every so often. He accused Arthur and me of being conceited earlier this week.
You and Arthur aren’t conceited. Just very confident.
*squeeze*
It’s incredible how many people can’t differentiate between those two traits.
*squeezity*
(Oh, lordy…I just remembered the time that Eagles told me I was extremely arrogant because I’ve written books–*snork*.)
Thanks, Gracie. *squeeze*
I only mentioned it because I don’t believe he’s ever changed.
I don’t own the place, chill out all of ya. Do you mean hostile like RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WHY DO YOU PEOPLE KEEP COMPLAINING!!!!? naw thats not me. If you want to ban me go ahead that would be hostile?. Some of you peeps have to let go of the past. I complained about the snorks but said it was just a beef nothing more then venting. AA I don’t even talk about you or to you yet I have asked you things with no response. AE is cool smart and knows lots doesn’t understand me but that’s OK. DW you never respond except to attach me thats interesting I have said good morning to you lots of times mmmm interesting(by the way hows my English writing doing now). It is the same 6 peeps attaching me why? don’t know i guess it is a racist motivation. WhoeNellie you are always taking my eagles please don’t touch them LOL!. Leila I have never had a beef with you so please continue with the great jokes. I often say LOL at the end instead of snork because LOL means Laugh out loud snork means snot coming out of my nose. Ms B you remind me what all grandmothers should be wise and gentle. GFB I have been looking back at past post you have your ups and downs lately downs I hope life is treating you well, here is a pastie(you never ate the last one). Everyone else accepts my faults, we all have them. I think the world of you peeps I tell my elders about you and they laugh and give me sh!t too. Google more ask less question they say LOL.Thank you (Meegwetch) for listening to me.
I have cranked out some great stuff in the last while and no one says anything. Someone just say goodmorning to me once and awhile. I am human like you. Feelings like you,so you remind me about yours got it, wrote it down, now let me read it back to you.
A rainbow has many colours but you can’t see them at night or with you eyes closed…… PJW Muskrat who cares for the fire.
Sorry about the long story it reminds me of Alice and her stories or even Ms B’s.
Joke: mother pops by her newly wed daughter who is naked on the couch. Mother says what are you doing? the daughter days I am in my evening gown my husband like it and ravishes my body. Mother goes home lies naked on the couch, her husband comes in and says what are you doing? Mother says I am in my evening dress come and ravage me. The husband says well you dress needs ironing where is my dinner?
Wow. You just managed to insult ALL of us. Impressive.
And FYI: snork does NOT mean snot coming out of ones nose.
Avis I didn’t mention you ,don’t be self absorbed read what I said not what you want to read. Snork means to ME snot coming out of my nose.”You just managed to insult ALL of us” whats is this a collective like the Borg?. I said something nice about all in there somewhere. I get mad just like you do, hello I am human too. Avis you come in like a bird a drop some really funny bombs like when a seagull sh!ts on us sometimes (has that ever happened to you?) You are the one of the pun queens. I like your avatar reminds me of a hawk.
When you insult my friends, you insult me. And you have, on previous occasions, insulted me personally. Have you been to the failpeeps site? Have you read the faq page? The useful items page? ANY of it? You might want to, and if you have- do it again, this time with an eye to learning something about this group that you seem to want to be apart of.
I love how it’s always our fault for being racist (this is a tired old accusation that eagles lobs at us every month or so) and never his fault for his behavior.
But if you really need a refresher course as to why I don’t like you, eagles, here’s some reading for you.
failblog.org/2009/05/20/opening-pitch-fail/#comment-429388
failblog.org/2009/07/19/disabled-entrance-fail/#comment-528302
failblog.org/2009/07/27/pogo-stick-fail/#comment-538095
failblog.org/2009/04/25/security-guard-fail/#comment-391111
You always complain that we are against you, and that we don’t “forgive and forget”. However, you have proven, time and time again, that forgiveness has absolutely no effect and no impact on your behavior. You expect forgiveness again and again for behaviors you have no intention of changing, and then you despise us for being “mean” and “unkind” to you.
Look around. There are lots of wonderful people here who never hurl curses and insults at other people. You say I have attacked you…this is a lie. I have defended my friends against your attacks. I don’t talk to you because you have attacked my friends–over and over and over again. And I’ve had it…so I choose not to interact with you (this post being an exception, of course). You had your chance to earn my respect…many chances, in fact…and you’ve blown them all. Your choice. Therefore, you can deal with the consequences.
So grow up, be a man, take some responsibility for your own actions and behaviors, and stop accusing people for doing things they have never done.
*squeezes Dragon*
*throws in a “snork” for good measure*
You are far more generous than I DW.
*bows*
Wow. Just wow. Look what I missed while I was off having a life…
Yeah, what Dragon said, eagles. You see, you really are the one misbehaving here, again and again. Accusing us of racism when we’re fed up with your behaviour is just another example of your inability to reflect upon your own behaviour and be self-critical. I’m unable to respect someone who is so self-righteous, especially when said person – you! – is aggressive, commanding and insults other people regularly. There is just one possible explanation for your behaviour that I could accept.
Therefore I have a question for you, which really isn’t supposed to be an insult. Maybe you have noticed that someone here is sure that in real life you’re not the person you claim to be; not a native and so on. That you act like you do to irritate us on purpose. I’m not so sure about that. Here’s my question: Do other people who know you in real life consider you mentally challenged?
I have to admit, that guy kept his cool pretty well.
I’m pretty sure I would have shat myself. Of course, I’m
pretty scared of spiders.
There are plenty of other weather people who would have cried for their mommies. There’s one I wish this would have happened to just to see his reaction, but I’m sure BN9 knows they got featured here so I won’t say who it is =P
Why it has no mana/hp bar? Damn bugs….
Due to my experience of playing “Diablo” (A World of Warcraft type game) for a week (when I was 12 or 13), I suspect the fellow is talking about the fact taht the bug has no health point bar (a bar representing how much life a character has go) or no mana bar (have forgotten what this one is).
Mana is the amount of magic power at one’s disposal.
Only BFF and hammy can manage to make me feel old. LOL
(Well, they both ARE very young, yanno! *squeeze*)
*Uses Rage*
Critical hit! It’s super effective!
Wait. That’s pokemon…
Pokemon also have HP.
It’s relevant.
And really yummy on eggs.
I like squirtles.
That sounds gross, fuzz, like mixing squirts and turtles. (Need I mention I have no working knowledge of Pokemon?)
There is also a popular demotivational poster that plays on the previous statement, in which a large spider is standing beside a red bar of some sort, giving the illusion that it has a health bar.
“So big, it has a health bar”
That is all.
Do you remember the original war craft GFB? When you clicked on them they complained alot LOL.
I read this as: “When you kicked them they complained a lot”, and I giggled.
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! SPIDERS AS BIG AS YOUR HEAD ARE TAKING OVER!!!!
LIES!!!
You mean, you object?
Your hono(u)r, I object!
I subject. Me object.
Why is it a lie? Is your head not of average size?
YOU LIE!
He stole it from me!
What is considered average size?
Smaller than above-average-size, but bigger than nitwit size.
Ooooooh!!! *pretends to get it* Well, here’s an average sized *squeeze* for you.
“What is considered average?”
“Smaller than above-average…”
Today’s tautology brought to you by the letter Z.
I give your head a C+
The spiders are not ‘taking over’.
They are merely seeking to be considered individuals in this overly human dominated society.
Pigs.
You say that now, but just wait until one of them steals your job.
… and contributes to global swarming in the atmosphere.
Spiders from the seventies have contributed the most to global swarming. Today’s spiders must now bear the burden of the spiders that came before them.
TELL SPIDERS TO STAY IN THE KITCHEN WHERE THEY BELONG!!!
*THWACK!*
Ewwwww, spider guts!
*admires Avis’s swing*
This place gives me lots of practice!
You know, he had a wife and kids to feed.
Literally.
Perhaps spousal abuse began as a way to prevent your wife from eating you…
Wait, why is that a THWACKable offense?
Was she thwacking Oz or the kitchen spider? Now I’m confused.
Yes.
It was the sending of spiders into the kitchen. Spiders do NOT belong in the kitchen!
Hmmmm that was supposed to say “Not in my kitchen anyway!”
I don’t really know what happened there.
Is… is that not what it says?
That’s what I see too.
I think it actually reads better with the smaller text. Adds effect.
…Unless that’s how it’s SUPPOSED to read.
Now I’m confused.
It does. I will get my peepers checked just in case though.
Avis: THWACK away sista. I agree with you.
It shows up as a little squiggly line, the “my” does.
Appears to be legible here…
*mumbles under breath*
My computer conspires against me.
*mutters some more*
Oh Lord, the uprising has started.
My computer likes to eat some of my comments and post others while I’m still typing them.
It just ate TWO comments directed at the idiot at the bottom of the page. Grrrrrrrr!
Cake in the break room!!!
*om nom nom nom nom*
Do you really think you can distract me with – ooh, chocolate cake! Yum!
*noms cake*
Oh, just great. Here’s me, eight hours late, and the cake is all gone.
*sadness ensues*
*heads off to kitchen in search of stale doughnuts*
Ok, now that I’m home and using a different computer, it reads correctly. Why it didn’t do so on the computer I was using at the time, I don’t know. But now it looks right.
the same thing happened on NBC10 Philadelphia, with Bill Henley
And how is Bill Henley? To shreds, you say? How’s his wife holding up? To shreds, you say?!
That’s a recording from Bay News 9, the Time Warner cable news program in the Tampa Bay, Florida area.
I hates me some spiders, but believe it or not, that species is only about 1/4″ long — even *I* can tolerate those, but it sure looks scary as all hell in that view!
OMG a big spider, ive got 16 spiders in my kitchen and they are called bob
The spiders are a collective?
Sorta like a rat-king?
Or a Borg?
What about Bob?
I loved that movie…
*smiles*
ALL called Bob?! Must be very confusing for them!
I bet they are called Kate really.
Nah. I bet there’s a Bob and Jon and Kate plus 8.
Plus five more.
i also found a house spider on the floor, i flicked it into a box, i swear it went ouch my butt
Did the box say, Ooh a spider?
ghay outro
no it said smarties ice scream lol,
Try the reply button. It’s your friend. Really, it is.
As an antisocial hermit myself, I often find that replying can make me uncomfortable, and that it’s easier to just post a new thought and pretend I’m not talking to anyone.
But… you just used the reply button.
Uhhh…I’m not talking to anyone.
Be quiet!
*rocks himself to sleep.
*tosses an extra ‘*’ up to Oz*
*plays lullabye*
*falls asleep*
*grabs permanent marker*
*gets warm bowl of water*
*braids BFF’s hair*
*momentarily wakes up*
Hi, guys! Why are you all giggling and staring at me? Oh well. Night!
*falls asleep again*
*puts fish food in BFF’s shoes*
I thought the fish were supposed to eat the dead skin?
Oh, I get it, he doesn’t get a foot cleansing!
*sneaks in with can of shaving cream…*
Oops! Forgot something!
*sneaks back out*
*finds feather*
*returns for hilarity*
*shouts* Hey, you guys! Wanna watch something funny?
So, a forum such as this one must be difficult for you to endure, yes?
I don’t know who you people are talking to.
Nobody.
Anybody.
Bueller.
What’d you say Avis?
*thwacks with shellacked minnow*
:p
*flies across room*
*lands on pillows*
*admires Avis’s swing again*
You know minnows are
, right?
Just goes to show how strong your swing is.
Sammy Sousa would look an amateur compared to this magnificent swing.
So say you! Now go practice your sousaphone, I want to hear some marches, young man. Marches!
Dilettante, conosci tante cose. La testa è piena di stoffa.
The shellac makes all the difference.
Yes, I recognize this.
It’s all in the wrist, though.
^That one wasn’t a joke.
Actual nesting fail
She’s going to bring out her flock of birds next. I’d take the head start and go hide. Now. :p
Nah, it’s ok. I’ll let him slide. This time.
I’m not taking any chances.
*In-Suit voice: “Entering zero gravity”*
*Jumps up, stands on ceiling*
*practices Matrix moves*
*In-Suit voice: “Exiting zero gravity”*
Wait! I didn’t get back to the floor–
AAAAUUUGGHHHHHHH!!!
*snorks uncontrollably*
*sigh*
I have to go finish cleaning. *pouts*
(do you know how hard it is to *snork* and *pout* at the same time!?)
*SNOUT!*
Wait…that’s not quite right…
*SWORK!*
Ow!!! Dammit! I did it again!
*PORK!*
Ummm….
*TORQUE!*
Did I turn a phrase?
I’m swearing off work for now, too, Ms B.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!
Hee-hee! Oh, how you can make me laugh.
*BIG goofy grin*
I’ll be back in an hour or so.
*REALLY doesn’t want to go vacuum*
Vacuuming’s for people with carpet.
…And linoleum, and hardwood…
…thin or shagrug carpets…
…earwax…
I’m totally not cleaning out your vacuum!
I clean my folk’s place. And they have carpet. Tomorrow, I get to vacuum my place. Lucky me.
Doesn’t that bother you? I mean, sucking up all that cat hair and dander, and spewing it into the air as microscopic particulates?
(Sorry if I must made you sneeze.)
*note to self – review twice before hitting ‘add comment’*
Oh, but Judy you MUST make me sneeze! ‘Tis the highlight of my day!
*squeeze*
*gently blows handful of cat dander in Qwaz’s direction*
*squeezes before the storm comes*
*Walks away sneezing, yet smiling*
ACHOO!!
ACHOO!!
*hands Qwaz super-sized ShamWow*
Isn’t selflessness fun?
True selflessness would involve using a Buddhist vacuum. Y’know, the one with no attachments.
if i was in that position, i would scream and run away, just to see if people actually believed a giant spider was attacking.
And that makes you a horrible person.
I CAN’T BELIEVE I DIDN’T SEE THAT!!!!! Ilu Bay News 9.
He handled that pretty well…
“Video not available”
Fail indeed.
Boris! Get off that camera! Bad spider!
Who?
Becker? Johnson? Karloff?
*headdesk*
*x5*
You guys seriously are telling me you don’t get that reference?
*sigh*
Are you telling me you didn’t get my reference?
Carry on.
Urgh… fail… on my part. Hammy, I hereby pay you 20 internets.
*headdesk*
*x10*
*SQUEEZE(box)!*
the song? squeezebox? ♫ mamma got a squeeze box????♫
Uh, look at the replies. Clearly, hammy got it.
Sorry. Not my Generation, I’m afraid.
I think they’re just trying to p-p-put us down.
The Iggy Biggy spider tried to cllimb up the spout…
But it ran into an extra ‘L’ which blocked the only way out…
But then came Qwaz who *yanked* the ‘L’ away…
…and then the iggy biggy spider climbed up the spout again.
*looks at A-A-B-C rhyme scheme*
Well, it’s a poem, so what do you do?
I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure that the spider is “itsy bitsy”, not “iggy biggy”.
I always heard it sung as, “the ditzy, tipsy spider”… I dunno what you’re talking about.
Spiders can consume alcohol?! My god, when did this evolutionary miracle occur?!
Sometime after the movie “Beer for My Horses” came out.
…and even “Crack4Cows”.
I don’t know about you, but I was pretty sure we were playing off of the”WOAH! that’s a big-ass spider!” idea.
I was.
So “iggy biggy” = “large-buttocked” ?
No instead of “itsy bitsy” I put “iggy biggy” to show that it is a fairly larg spider.
No, Notorious…Iggie biggie biggie can’t you see
Sometimes your legs just hypnotize me
And I just love your webby ways
Guess that’s why they’re smooshed, and you have stayed (uh)
Packin’, askin’ who want it, you got it spida flaunt it
lol … I only have big and little eyes for you
I LOVE JUMPING SPIDERS
Hello. I love you.Won't you jumpa in my silks.
*jumpas*
*raps dilly up wif mad silkz skillz*Its a flying spider…
what are going to think of next…flying squirels! *stomps off*
Introducing the next generation in spider technology: the Spyder™! Easily carried in your pocket, it takes the form of a small spy camera wired into a tiny mobile spider. Nine out of ten news weathermen say that they didn’t have any idea what it really was!
awesome. truly awesome.
Truly Truly?
♪I see you when you’re sleeping
I scare you when you’re awake…♪
♪Jeepers, creepers….whered ya get them peepers
Jeepers, creepers…whered ya get those eyes
Gosh oh, git up….howd they get so lit up
Gosh oh, gee oh….howd they get that size♪
Good evening ladies and gents.
*gentlemanly squeeze*
Nuh uh, not acceptable.
*brings out bat*
*swings*
He’s going, he’s going… HE’S GONE!
He will be soon.
Gets troll mallet (to use against ʍʇɟ ızɐu ɹɐɯɯɐɹƃ)
*looks for permit*
*doesn’t see one*
*Requests mallet*
I could summon the flock, if you like.
You do as you wish, I just hate to see GBF waste fuel for his tank like that.
*summons flock to roost above the trolls head*
They ate just a little while ago so…..
*quickly*
No need. I told you he’d be gone soon.
Aww, but now it looks like I was bashing on STS for no reason…
I’m thinking of sending the flock to roost somewhere else, got any suggestions?
How soon can they be at my law firm?
Aw, who did I miss?
An idiot by the name of “ʍʇɟ ızɐu ɹɐɯɯɐɹƃ” who apparently had decided that it was cool to call random people a ‘homo’.
Honestly, this particular slur infuriates me far, far more than any other.
Whoops. Got ‘:twisted’ and ‘:evil:’ mixed up. My bad.
Tanks.
*gets out baseball glove*
*jumps in air and catches ick*
*drops ick on ground and stomps it*
*leaves pieces for ZA to nom*
*ʍʇɟ ızɐu ɹɐɯɯɐɹƃ says it while standing in front of mirror*
Shadow, that’s not cool, either.
ok sorry.
HAHAHA im from Bradenton who woulda thought
I personally would’ve have guessed at Jordan.
But that’s just me.
WAY crazy OT,
I just did a people search on myspace (for the hell of it) of “Qwaz” and came back with over 35 results.
And I thought I had an original name.
It’s probably a ‘normal’ (read:small) size spider, really really close to the camera… it doesnt look like one of those huge australian ones.
*headdesk*
*x5*
*cries because it isn’t enough, and because he is rapidly losing hope for the future of the human race*
There, there. *pats Shadow’s shoulder* Don’t let the bas+ards grind you down.
I’m sorry…I’m still laughing at this guy’s use of the word “probably”…!
Hee!
Maybe, juuuuuust maybe, it’s a normal sized spider!
It’s at least 20% likely it’s as big as a Volkswagen and going to hunt humans for sport, but probably it’s normal.
That’s more than half!
…wait.
I’m chuckling at ” ‘normal’ “.
Honestly though, sometimes some people just go and do stuff that makes you feel embarrassed for them.
when i was four my bff was a spider
*is amazed that a four-year-old was able to keep track of a single spider long enough to become BFF’s with it*
This one probably taped it to his hand and stabbed it with a fork.
It’s James Henry Trotter!
“I’s in ur studio, ruining ur live news show.”
Oh Noes!!!
Spiders taking over teh world!!!
lol i saw this vid a long time ago but its even funnyer the 2nd time…..the news man was like “and there is a…spider?” if it was me i would go along wid the spider and freak ppl out….ah and that spider went through all the trouble to set that prank up and the news man does not play along
Imma let you finish mr newsguy, but i just gotta say hurrican katrina was the best rain, OF ALL TIME
Itsy Bitsy Spider Rap
Did he died?
That’s my local news station!
If you look to the bottom right, I live in the county on top.
OMG! I’m so sorry for the loss of your loved ones due to the spider carnage.
I’m sorry to hear that
Bay News 9 FTW!
Tampa Bay area of FL rules you all.
*feels bump*
Did-did you feel that?
*feels it again, only closer*
Wha-what is that?
*Notices it breathing right behind him*
*Turns around slowly*
OMG! IT’S A RANDOM AND OBSCURE VIDEO!
Okay, I know I only appeal to a certain crowd with these videos, but I can’t help it. Also, NFSW; wear headphones.
Alright, I gotta say there are plenty of people like that online and can be a distraction.
Though there were hardly any creative slams, I LOL’d at
“You are the WHITEST f*ckin black man I’ve ever heard”
Ahhh!
The headphones didn’t work, I still heard the dirty words.
Spider fail, spider fail, does whatever a spider fail does…
And after mike was bitten by the spider, he had the urge to dress in funny costumes and climb walls!!! Yes I watch that cable station in the Tampa, Florida area and that even makes this funner for me!
theres a 2/4 with reach if i ever saw one.
What’s it’s converted mana cost would you say?
4
Hey, it’s a Giant Spider Invasion!
Why is it that no one notes that there’s only audio and no video in this video?
Also, the failblog logo appeared at the end of the video.
Failblog fail
Because you’re the only one who can’t see the video, apparently?
Why is he not taking this seriously? A flying spider is menacing the city! Citizens are in danger!
Overpopulation is a problem that is equally severe.
He probably thought that things would work themselves out.
“OMG!!!!!! I giant spider is attacking Tokyo! Where’s Godzilla when you need him?!?!?!?!?!?!”
oh lord that woulda scared the snot outa me
Damn, wish I was watching when that happened. (Bay News 9 is my local news channel)
I, for one, welcome our new spider overlords….
This may have been the best “awkward” win in a while.
Seriously, the awful “dot org” part again? WTF?
weather on the 9 fails! i love my hometown.
“In other news, the town is currently being attacked by giant spiders. More on this story as it develops.”
God damn, they got some big bugs in Florida!
just to confirm, not with spider-men, just spiders and the occasional chimp.
It would have been an epic win if the guy had acted like the spider was taking over the city.
I thought we got rid of the annoying people saying failblog.org – annoyance fail
JEEESSUS CHRIST!! WHO GIVES A DAMN ABOUT THE WEATHER!?!? RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, LEAVE THE ELDERLY AND YOUNG, EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF
He was gonna say “a giant shower” or something..
I live in that county that is in a weather watch! Pasco county, Fl!
GIANT ENEMY CRAB
Tampa Bay FTW
gah i watch this station tooooo wooo, and of course its raining…
I love BN9. Its quite failtastic
AHHHH ITS GODZIIIILLAA!
One has to wonder when, if ever, a weatherman can honestly say he’s hit bottom.
Spider: “Imma let you finish Mike, but I just wanted to say Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time!”
What I’m amazed at is that no one noticed this is a SIMANT spider! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
he should have been like “holy shit it escaped oh god its rampaging though town”
I for one welcome our new spider overlords
/r9k/
I love how he tries to play it off
That is so funny, i would scream if i saw that spider!