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exit stage wrong
toolbooth willy is gonna be pissed.
Ach, what have ye done to ma barrier?
Och aye, the noo! Hoots mon, I cannae believe it!
Failblog, making the unbelievable, believable.
It’s an understatement
why do they always hide those under the statement?
lol this is soooooooooo old, about 2 years, lol
What If I don’t believe the believable!? Huh HUH!?
You will be beaten until you change your mind.
*picks up baseball bat*
what about believing the unbelievable?
Hm, now we’re gonna break the unbreakable.
ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAUH.
(It was necessary. Yes it was.)
Yeah, do you want the money or should I shove it directly up your @$$?
Ha ha ha ha ha. I’ll already heard that one you f**kin’ piece of repeatin’ s**t.
Yaay, the lightning strikes again.
an entrancing exit to the video
Electrifying, even.
*swerves into view in Grease Lightning*
*combs hair*
*adjusts leather jacket*
How’s it hanging, Zuko?
Not that cool that Bean video
All she wanna do is a-zoom-a-zoom-zoom and a boom-boom
Just scrape your bump(er)!
She shoulda checked baby checked baby one two three four
That’s why you always put your car in park first.
It’s okay…she has a Mercedes.
I hope it has a bumper sticker saying “my other car is a plastic hamster ball”
Man, this is old. Saw it on TV years ago.
Ulrika Johnson: oh, the old ones are the best!
Bob Mortimer: yes, and you certainly are old!
Margaret Dumont: Why, that reminds me of my youth!!
Groucho: He must be a pretty big boy by now.
Hey! She didn’t pay!
And she blacked out her license plate number!
That’s why I carry Sharpies around.
I thought it was so you could cross out all the unnecessary apostrophes on store signs.
That, too. I had to borrow a bar’s chalk on a first date and climb on a table because their menu said “Chicken Provincial”. Honestly, people.
I’ll have the stake with bree and potatoes aw grattan.
*head explodes*
I’ve just cleaned the floor, do you mind??
*helps out cleaning the floor*
*finds some extra bits of gray matter*
*noms them*
*knows BFF has lots more and can afford it*
D*mn it ZA! No! No! Bad ZA! You still do not eat your friends brains! Jeez! This is worse than Sean of the living dead or whatever it was called.
Don’t make me get out the hose!!!
Don’t forget the caesar sallad.
Does that come with crewtons and a herd of vegetables?
Yes, with xtra anchovys and griled chicken.
You can hauled the chicken between your lex!
Pardon?
five easy pieces
Danke.
I am not taking any more of your smartness and sour chasm.
Do you want some aw juice sauce with that?
Oooh! I would like to try the ess car go!
I’ll have the lamp chops, please.
And smothered in asigo chesse.
This is the best restarant I’ve ever eaten at!
Care for some desert, ma’am?
Try the tarto pum.
I think I’ll have the ice cream sunday.
Let’s see, how about some pie a la commode?
How about the Strawberie Moose instead.
Total win. Remember the alamode.
ooh oooh….I’ll have the creamy brewel please.
do you dance here on the tables often?
Devilishly clever woman. Doesn’t even look like the car got messed up!
It was asking for it, anyway, poling around all smug like that.
So old…
third
turd
nerd
word
bird
Curdled milk
The curd, the curd, the curd is the wurd
I said the curd, curd, curd, curd is the wurd.
Anyone ever have cheese curds @ A&W?
Do they come over fries with gravy?
A donkey, a donkey, my kingdom for a donkey .
Poutine FTW!
:ick:
They sell it at our school’s caf. Some of my friends have it every day.
While I love me some Poutine, I think my arteries would be completely clogged by now if I ate it every day.
that’s why you should only eat fries coated in vinegar.
That sounds unhealthy
Why is it that every car fail video involves a woman? I am not saying guys are better drivers, but maybe guys are better at avoiding ending up on camera.
Here in the states they actually released some official survey that claimed that men were worse drivers than women because they had more traffic violations.
I could see speeding, but going fast and NOT crashing doesn’t sound like a fail to me. The funny part was a week later they were forced to also reveal that the men outnumbered the women 3 to 1 on occupations that involve driving all day. So basically people got ticked off at the survey and said it wasn’t accurate for not even taking into account the ratio of male to female in the comparison.
Women get in more wrecks but guys wrecks tend to be worse (aka at higher speeds).
Women’s wrecks tend to be things like backing out. ROFL. I can say this because my wife has done it a couple of times.
Men’s wrecks tend to be things like mounting the pavement and knocking people down. I can say this because men to do that a couple of times.
“mounting the pavement”?
O-ka-a-a-a-a-a-ay.
Wouldn’t that be … hard?
He can say this because men to do that a couple of times.
That would be quite a to-do. A couple of times.
So that’s what they’re doing! I thought they were just fall down drunk.
we always get our manNo, you don’t! *twirls mustache*
painful, me thinks.
mount the pavement eh. even when enclosed in medal men still find a way of humping something….
Coincidence most probably. Guys are perhaps more experienced in cars as they are interested in such stuff etc.
It’s like getting your man to cook. In most cases you wouldn’t want to see what happened to the kitchen.
oh come on as if it is difficult to get a man to cook
just buy a barbecue some meat and a sack of charcoal
It’s because the guys are the ones who are arrested for it, so their videos end up on Cops instead of here.
And then they screw over the rest of us by increasing insurance premiums.
it’s because her man friend was holding the camera
Gate crasher!
Is she in Birmingham or Leeds?
Old fail in the engine house.
Silly trancers.
Oh, she was going home! “Ok, just reach for the lasers, safe as…”
“F*ck.”
Oh really? Well I’ll just call a cab then, if you don’t mind.
*is disappointed in the Powers that Be*
They’ve basically just invited all the misogynists and haters to take over this thread. Today of all days would be a good day for a bonus fail, methinks.
Hear, hear!
*Sign, sign, pass*
*sigh*
Agreed.
*sigh*
*sign*
*sigh*
And so it begins.
*sign, sign, pass*
Yeah, I was like, “What the hell?” when I saw that ‘powered by’.
Indeed. *sigh, sign, pass*
*grumble grumble*
Just saw a license plate cover that read
“All women ruin good men.”
*grumble grumble, stoopit traffic trolls, grumble*
It’s a good thing I’m a girl and I can’t read, that would have annoyed me.
I suppose you can’t drive either being a girl and all….but wait one danged second here…you’re a girl and can’t read and yet you are able to articulate that quite clearly. I need to break out my detective kit and figure this one out.
Don’t think about it…just accept it…
*sign, sign, pass*
*ponders*
And I’m NOT a girl!
My GAWD, it’s worse than normal. My blood pressure is much too high right now.
I need a *squeeze*, pleeze.
*SKA-WEEEEEEEEEZE!*
*SQUEEEEEEZE!*
*SQUEEEEEEEZES Dragon severely*
(I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in)
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Tanks, my wonderful friends. That comment at the bottom really got me riled up.
*return squeezes!*
*SQUUUEEEEZZZES*
*puts out fresh plate of cookies*
Or how about Ye Olde Taverne: Poker in the Front, Liquor in the Rear.
Not sure how old I was when I figured that one out.
Isn’t that backwards?
Teehee!
There’s definitely something to be said about those Olde Tavernes…
yeah… a damn old tavern full of beered up old hoarie toades!
I suppose that’s a matter of personal preference!
Hmm. Either I’m slower than I thought, or you may not quit get that one yet.
LOL – might be fun though. *note to self, don’t post while eating lunch and talking on phone*
I so wish you had said you were eating your phone.
I figured that out the moment George Bush became president.
Which one?
Which comment? The one up there ^ about Ye Olde Tavern.
*tweaks ZA’s cheek*
*pieces of cheek disintegrate and fall to ground*
Eww…
It’s best to tweak ZA from a distance, Judy…
With a pair of tweezers, on a long stick.
Hey, I needed that cheek!
Naw, just kidding.
*hands Judy a clean ShamWow to help her clean up*
Gee, thanks.
*starts to rub hand*
*shamwow disintegrates and falls to ground in tatters*
How long have you had that ShamWow, ZA?
Zombie ShamWow?? Eeeeep!
The one that screwed up our country.
same question… which bush?
You probably noticed that almost all the fails that involve reckless behaviour and bodily harm feature only males?
I know you would never find me standing on top of a flight of stairs with a skateboard in hand.
Unless we did.
*Grabs latest issue of Skateboard Pro and holds cover next to JazzyGirl* Isn’t that you? Looks like you…
er…uh….my twin uh….sister. She dates Tony Hawke you know. Yeah.
*eyes JG suspiciously* If you say so…
Usually with alcohol involved.
*hides Patron*
*takes swig of bottle hidden behind Scratdaddy*
Mmmmm, Reposado!
Whatever the solution, she found the way out. That’s what matters.
Whatever the cost and all that, right?
Apparently. Anyway, depending where you go, I’m not sure that the reparation cost is higher than the parking fee.
This looks like something Mr. Bean would do, which in turn reminds me of this sketch. Clickie my name.
Oh thank you GFT… I haven’t seen Mr. Bean in a long time. I am still laughing!!
*is not a fan*
*puts Blackadder in the VCR*
*laughs*
*watches Black Books*
“You know what you are? You’re a beard with an idiot hanging off it.”
“Right now, I’m eating scrambled eggs, with a comb, from a shoe.”
“My oven can cook bits of oven!”
“Yes. I think you should shave it off. Nail it to a frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.”
Then soften your cheeks with baconlube….
Ahem…
“Is space hot?”
“Of course it is, where do you think we get pineapples from?”
“Look, there’s no other way to say this, but I didn’t come in here to be insulted.”
“Well, I didn’t ask for the job of insulting you. In another life, we could have been brothers. Running a small, quirky taveria in Sicily. Maybe we would have married the local twins instead of wasting each other’s time here in this dump. But it was not to be. So hop it.”
“Well, I fell. It was so…. un-gallant.”
“Whereas going to the toilet through a wicker chair… well, we’ve all been there.”
“Look at his face. I bet his cornflakes try to crawl out of the bowl.”
Do you know nothing about modern culture, Bernard? Beckham, Posh, Pokemon…
“Pac-man. It’s pronounced Pac-man.”
“I dont know, it’s an impossible choice – walls,
thermometers… I’ll just have to hope that when I flip
the coin it somehow explodes and kills me.”
“Of course you can’t taste anything, you smoke eighty bajillion cigarettes a day. What’s that you’re eating?”
“It’s some sort of delicious biscuit.”
“It’s a coaster!”
“Now, all I need is some kind of system”
“Ptchah. There’s only one system. Bet. Lose. Borrow,
steal, lose. Take the drugs. Lose. Prison. Death.”
“You know you’re in for a good time when there’s a polar bear, bleeding, on the label.”
Am I jumping the gun, Czuhc, or are the words “I have a cunning plan” marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?
she’s lucky: http://www.theprovince.com/cars/Woman+dies+freak+parking+garage+accident/1888383/story.html
Did she live?
Did she dead?
did she peg?
Wow this is the newest thing ever.
Running short on fails this week?
You’re right. Humor gets stale and less funny as it ages.
Kind of like cheese! Or is that crackers…
the opposite of wine
But I thought if you don’t drink the entire bottle of wine right after you open it, it turns into vinegar and is poisonous?
There are people who don’t finish the bottle after they open it?
Blasphemy!
(Blass for yoooou…)
they dont open it ………yet
I don’t get it.
me nether
Well, wash your hands.
wash your brain
You’re just jealous dilettante has a brain.
And it’s not in my nethers.
brainy stormy nethers
i have a brain i get A’s on my raport card
Dang it, just when I was about to say I wanted to pick ‘ur brain.
A’s on your report card. That sounds impressive
. Look, matey, I had to do my English GCSEs a year early. Guess what I got? A*s .
Sorry Failinator, but apparently you have very poor rapor according to this card.
I demand a full inspection of dilettante’s nethers, just to be sure!
*leaves tread in boredom*
I’ll go with just in case you need a back up!
*gets camera, tripod, and lighting*
Uh, I meant with WN. My treads don’t need leaving.
Ok, back from the sto–
What the hell? Where did all of these lights come from?
*looks surprised*
Ohhhh, nice nethers!!
*snaps mulitple pics*
Those are some smart looking nethers!
*pulls the plug on all the lights*
*sings dilly a lullaby*
I know a place where dreams are born,
And time is never planned.
I just think of lovely things.
And my heart flies there on wings …
*zzzzzZZZnetherZZzzzzz*
*dreams of flying off to Nether-Netherland*
Wow. There’s Norway I’m showing everyone MY Netherlands!
I thought that was my job!
It might be miles beyond the moon,
Or right there where you stand.
Well, Scott, I suppose you have not learned how to comprehend a text right? And you’re a supposed chief engineer…yeah I suppose you’re a troll.
(1) I didn’t say about humor getting stale anywhere,
(2) but now you mention it, yes it does. Humor tends to vary amongst ages, meaning people laughed with different things in the 17th century than with what they do now; today they don’t find such things mildly funny.
But when you hear of something that is funny the first time, and you hear or see it again and again, it gets less funny.
I’m sorry if you are a chief engineer…for then you waste your job.
She seemed less alarmed than you’d think to find the Tycho monolith attached to the front of her car. It’s magnetism obviously drew the car towards the gate.
*throws bone into air*
*turns into space station*
*The Blue Danube plays*
*wants to write a reply*
*pen floats away*
Damn!
What do you think you’re doing, czuhc?
His mind is going!
My God, it’s full of cars!
*snork*
Try searching YouTube for “Bad male driver”… there’s very little candid footage and the stuff that’s there isn’t of much damage. When women mess up on driving catastrophes happen such as that.
And once again its a woman screwing up.
i saw this before it was in a compilation of woman driver fails and one man driver win
Your mother was the first, right?
Nice one!
*gets ShamWow ready for piss clean up*
Your teachers were at fault for teaching you to write.
And his parents are at fault for letting him use the Internet.
But the bully at school clearly forgot to break his fingers.
and the teacher forgot to give him detention
And the hailbut, which broke on his head.
He forgot to get a hart attack
fart attack
smart attack
T-T-T-Troll shasher
*smashes imapnwif with troll hammer and steps on with troll smashing boots*
Hey! I strictly said that the troll hammer IS NOT TO BE USED BY UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL!
*snatches back the troll hammer*
You can keep the boots. They don’t do much anyway.
But they do look shnazzy…
Very well. I’ll need those boots too, failinator
*slides boots off*
*hands to Badger Whisperer*
They suit you very well.
Gee thanks. It should be mandatory for everyone to wear them you know…
But they reeeeeaaaaallllly don’t go with my new top!
Then take it off!!
that hammer is mine i made it
the boots wer given to me i will arrest you for stealing
*Takes stuf back*
Ms B you can keep the top off
You made it?! I haven’t heard a worse lie since Gordon Brown said that Britain was stable. I was the sole creator of the troll bashing mallet, and I refuse to believe that you, of all people, made one. Oh, and do you really think that you, a troll, will win in court at prosecuting me for theft? No.
*takes the hammer and shoes back*
*stores in safe*
There.
BF, am I gonna have to make you your very own Troll Ignore Button??
the shoes are mine they are a presant so NO taking them but fine keep the mallet i have a sword for killing people with
Killing People? Only trolls I hope?
Just a thought but, Why is there only one Monopoly Commision?
yes only trolls mostley and people that are fine with it
are you fine with it?
Erm… I accept it as a valid theory, but I am not personally fine with it, no.
okay
Ps i need help finding a certain badger need help please
*sigh* Did you look in schrodinger’s box?
H-H-H-H-HAILBUT!!
Where’s Leila when you need her??
*Eyes vat of boiling Baconlube™*
*ahem*
What do you need Leila for? I’m here.
Big brother’s here too ya know
Sorry, Avis…
*squeeze*
The bad, bad troll is annoying me…kill it, kill it!!!
Wow…I’m really off my game today…sorry, Badger…
*puts Suzie back on her game*
There!
*is not gonna touch the troll*
They have cooties.
It’s weird though how this new(ish) troll stroll in making demands and doesn’t play even according to his own rules. And why did we let him make rules in the first place?
Rules? We don’t need his steenking rules!!
Oh boys?!???
A false sense of entitlement–one of the main symptoms of trollishness.
And Avis…that’s why we have the halibut, the *FOOOOM!!*, the GLOWER, and the flock of birds–so you won’t have to touch them.
I keep forgetting that. I need to make more use of my flock of feathered friends, don’t I? Maybe I can teach them to dive bomb.
His parents are at fault for creating him.
I suspect it was totally an accident.
You get weird results sometimes when the Pill only partially fails.
No it was a bad combination of “The Pill” and fertility drugs. Apparently mommy was none to bright to begin with.
*RIGL*
you call that writing?
[Urkel voice] Did I do that? [/Urkel voice]
*eyes Ms B’s white socks*
*is disappointed*
Is the Mercedes okay? Well then, we’re off….
Geez, you write good english for a dutchman!
*facepalm*
Who came up with that facepalm thing? This afternoon I saw it used on the Punditkitchen too.
Probably Edison. He invented everything.
Yeah, he was great, but there is a defense against the facepalm, it’s called the handnose.
I think you misunderstand what a facepalm is. Click my name to see one.
Hmmm, ehhhm, hmmm, this won’t be easy now….
I admit that I misunderstood what a facepalm is….I thought it would be hitting someone in the face with your palm, but obviously that’s not correct. Thanks for educating me.
No, he just claimed the credit for everything.
Well, once he created the light bulb he could claim everyone’s ideas as his own.
*squeeze*
*pssssst*
He didn’t do that either! He just beat up the guy on the way to the patent office and stole it.
me? I no dutch…
Maybe that’s because you don’t write good english? Or because i hit the flying dutchman’s reply button?
Got it now, thought you meant me. snork
no, but I don’t take it personally! You’re welcomed.
DOT.ORG!
*trips over in bicycle*
*is struck by lightning*
I would dare to venture to guess that you would say the same thing to Paul Hospenthal (look it up yourself).
Well I hope your happy ZA. You actually made me go google it because I had no idea who the guy was. Now all I know is who he’s with and I REALLY hate him for it!
At least you looked it up. I doubt “the other” has a clue as to what we’re talking about.
Go to the library, look up Dewey Decimal category 139. Put your head on the Xerox machine and roll it around a few times, then cross-reference. It’ll explain everything.
Don’t forget to shout very loudly, fling books at the librarian and mix up books from different genres. That will solve all your problems.
He’s Slimer?
“You’re right. No human being would stack books like this.”
Oh no, just touch the tip of the trollburg…but it is a start……
I saw this on Smoking Gun’s Worlds Dumbest Drivers… of course it would be a woman haha
Nobody puts Bebe in the corner.
*cries*
*has a sad*
*minute of silence*
Zombie Apocalypse you have been invited (by me and sts) to join the Cool Cats Club
I don’t think ZA would want to be in any club affiliated with you.
plaeese leave this tread
Now that’s just not nice. He keeps feeding you and you thank him by asking him to leave?
hes not feeding me food
and im being polite about it
Cool Cats Club? Are they zombies or just dead?
it includes me(zombie)sts 5 eagles and some other people but its zombie friendly
you can also strap a C.C.C. on your name
A club that uses strap-ons!
(sorry – couldn’t resist!)
No matter what you have seen, no matter what you have experienced throughout your long travels through life, I bet no one has ever seen a zombie wearing a strap on.
*Is mortuarified*
I had to buy it off him. He wanted 22 bucks, but I talked him down to 17.
*snorkles*
That was too easy, Judy!
*ROFL*
I don’t know what’s worse, the actual fail or her outfit fail.
Oh, snap!
Oh, crackle!
*squeezes BFF ’til he pops!*
Ewwwwwww!
Oh, pop!
I need to refresh more often.
Samr’s got the not-so-fresh feeling, we all get that way from time to time.
Nu-uh! Never!
You’ve NEVER not refreshed, Ms B?
Even on a summer’s eve?
Why on the green earth would I ever need to…umm…yeah…do…that?
*Sprays Samr with Febreze*
HEY, does Febreze even exist in the States? that thing is everywhere.
He reminds me of the time my boyfriend in Scotland tried to explain what mini-pizzas are.
Sorry, but that’s beyond my understanding capacities.
What? Are you trying to drive us insane? How is that an answer to dilettante’s comment in any shape or form?!
That means that I didn’t understand what she wrote.
What dilly means is that you’re stating something that’s bleeding obvious. Of course they have Febreze in the US! It STARTED there, for god’s sakes!
Ok, BondFan. Everything’s ok. Come sit over here. I have some fresh cookies for you.
*takes a deep breath*
*counts down from 10*
Thank you, Ms B. Cookies would be very nice.
For real? Hehe, i always thought it was french, because of the accents, they write it “Fébrèze” over here!
*thinks of exploding*
*decides against it, and carries on munching cookie*
Hmm, I guess i have another understanding problem. I’m weak today.
Just today is it?
god, Proctering a test he’s taking would be Gambling with my sanity.
Oh blast, I thought I was going to be treated to some more tasty BFF brain bits.
Of course it does. We have Nutella too.
This video is as old as the internets.
wooo woman driver x|
Common, this is so old it stinks like Patrick Swayze… Didnt I saw it on Fail blog?
ooohh you sure you wanna piss off patrick swayzes ghost?
I saw that in a movie once
This is ridiculous. Again. Somebody, put the trolls out of my misery, PLEASE!!?!
trols have been known for theyr resilliance and invincibillity
Along with poor spelling, grammar and manners.
Yes that too.
Avis, I’m going to build BF a Troll Ignore Button – shall I make you one too? Mine works delightfully well
Hey can I get a button too? Only I want mine modified into a “Murderous Troll Killing Rage” button.
Push my button, go on, I dare you!
*pushes Red’s button*
KKIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLL!!!!!!
(D*mn it you should have pushed the puttone harder, it took me hours to feel that)
*button
*pushes Gracie’s button*
Unfortunately, I can’t get mine to work. Could you fix it for me?
Nah, just toss it – they’re easy to make from scratch.
*hands BF & Avis brand shiny new Troll Ignore Buttons*
Use them in good health!
Hooray! Now I can save my own sanity!
*squeezes WN*
*polishes button with glee*
*hands BF an addition bottle of high-end glee in case he runs out*
*looks at bottle*
Oooh! Maniacal glee! The best! Thanks!
WN, may I have one as well?
*looks hopeful*
I’m sure there’s more than one addition bottle
I would like a multiplication bottle
Yes, let’s not be divisive!
*squeezes all failfriends*
It would subtract something from the camaraderie if we were!
*GleefulSqueezes*
I’d like a button that will bring me pi to share with my failfriends. The cream pis are for the trolls’ faces.
My hellacious day at work has come to an end.
*squeezes*
*passes out bottles to all FB regulars*
Don’t use too much at once!
Woot, Admiral!
*pushes pi button*
SPROING!
OooOOoo! Raspberry…my favo(u)rite!
*rummages around for the shellacked halibut*
*realizes there aren’t enough halibut in the world*
*pouts*
I’d offer to bring the hoard down on him, but they’re mad at me for feeding them nothing but excrement.
How about a simple dance routine? We were just taught a thing or two about dancing dirty, or something to that effect. Got any musical requests?
“God Save the Queen” by the Pistols?
I REALLY want to see you do some Misfits.
Ooh, ooh, do a dance number from Mamma Mia!
Ooh, intriguing. I would have jammed this when I found it, but the boss is nearby and stuff. I would have embedded it, but that’s disabled for this vid, so clickie!! clickie!! it is.
*10 million zombies erupt from the ground upon playing*
*zombie hoard starts headbanging in unison*
*a dust cloud erupts from the hoard losing some dirt*
A for 10 million zombies headbanging! But it’s no longer really the Misfits without Danzig, my undead friend…take a hybrid moment and find one for me when you finish eating your boss’s brains?
Your request is my demand. Instead of eating his brains, I waited for him to go home for the evening (I should have left too, of course).
When I ran across this one, I knew it had to be the one.
You ROCK, kid, that was perfect. *gets in pit with zombies*
Um, uh-oh…
whoa Nell!*sics new zombie friends on your ass*
And Horse says hello.
You can say this because undead men to do that a couple of times.And keep your Hoes offa my sidewalk.
Jimmy Hoffa may be undead, but he’s not in Canada…
I’m guessing you learned this from Thriller
That too, but guess a little more…
How about the last dance of the season? He always does the last dance of the season…
*starts up disco ball*
♫Last dance, last dance for loooove
Yes it’s my last chance for romance toniiiight♪
Speaking for yourself, I see.
yes
(i need a ignore did he die,hate,first troll killer)
…Out of your misery?
they realy hate trolls(but one of theyre own is a hate troll)
I know you mean me. Look, I wouldn’t insult people if I did not have sufficient evidence on their character. Based on what I’ve read in your comments, I’ve found you to be quite rude, demanding, and fond of spamming threads. A hate troll is one who makes accusing comments that are without base or are racist/sexist.
ok you are no longer a troll (never were i ws just toying with you) also i see that you are interfering with my treads please stop that
Practice what you preach.
…
^*CoughexhibitAcough*
TH-READ! THHHHHREAD! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! IT STARTS WITH “TH” AND ENDS WITH “READ”, WHICH IS FITTING!
don't tread on meGrrrr!
I need that word to wordfilter to something better now. What do you think?
Don’t thread on me?
Oh, thank you, Dilly! I’ve been wanting to scream that all day!!!
*grateful squeeze*
Sounds like you both had a þ in your side.
+ ‘ vv, þ, yes
♪ If youre gonna scream, scream with me…♫
That is what I said.
And that is what she meant.
And that is what we all meant.
Yes.
*squeeze!*
*is cooking stuffed pasta shells today*
You sure you don’t want to move here?
Let’s see, if I put my house on the market now…*punches buttons on calculator*…*shuffles papers* I can probably move…in three years…so I don’t think it will do me much good for dinner tonight.
In three years, I’ll probably be in New Mexico.
Remember that movie friend I mentioned the other day?
OooooOOOOoooooh! Are things moving forward with the movie friend?
I have been invited to dinner at a nice restaurant! Yeah, I think things are moving forward. I’ve been grinning a silly grin for two weeks straight now!
Ruh roh.
I know that grin.
I love the silly grin phase!!!
It’s an Awesome Thing.
What’s even better, is I’ve seen the silly grin on his face too!
Hehehe… it’s best when you’re sillily grinning at each other
I can’t wait to hear about the “O” face!!!
You will not be hearing about such things. There are somethings that will not be shared. :p
Awww…I guess we will never know.
*gets afterglow detector out of closet*
What’s this? Are you having a coming out party? I thought you were married!
You really shouldn’t cheat!
*realizes previous statement could be seriously misconstrued and apologizes for any misunderstanding*
An afterglow detector is not cheating!
*reads rule book*
*figures it is open to interpretation*
Yea, the rule book does not specifically ban afterglow detectors or vibrating squirrel tails.
*no offens(c)e taken*
“vibrating squirell ta-” Never mind, I don’t need to know.
Grats Avis, now just remember floss daily to keep your dentist grinning as well.
Just kidding. Hope all goes well, crosses fingers.
*Cheers for Avis*
*Plays some Barry White*
Awww, how sweet! Happy for you little bird!
Thanks guys!
Woohoo!
*gets a silly grin of her own, of the “I’m happy for my friend” variety*
*squeezes WN and BFF*
Did someone forget to bait the traps last night?
I’m afraid so. And with BOGGY being so absent these days, it’s just getting outta control.
*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEZES Avis*
*squeeze*
I’m sorry for your misery but do you love company?
Company is almost always good!
*return squeeze*
Just try and not let them get you down.
And that is that.
“I would say that’s that, mattrass man.”
Wow…
I really need to take a refresher course in how to do the text stuff.
More like Garage Exit WIN!
*raises eyebrow*
*makes note in book*
*pushes cash register button*
ka-CHING!
You get paid when these ¡diots post? Where do I sign up for that?
*counts money*
100, 200, 300…
What, you didn’t sign up with Ben? Oh well, it’s closed now. So sorry.
400, 500, 600…
HEY! Where’s my cut?? I’ve been keeping track for you while you’ve been gone!
*hands Dragon 10,000 internets*
I was gonna pay! Honest! Please don’t send Bruno over to break my kneecaps!
Right On!
who’d never wanted to run those stupid things over?
Well, I has never!
You do? I never have had some never. If you’d never mind, can you spare some never for a needy neverless soul?
Never!
.
.
.
Just kidding. *spares a square of never*
Get that stupid intro off the end of the video! We’re not idiots! You already know everyone hates it!
*screams*
*runs over Dane in bicycle*
What happened to your button?
He has a helluva time holding on to those buttons.
*hands BF yet another Shiny New Troll Ignore Button*
I have to admit, though – sometimes trolls ARE kinda fun to toy with
(not to be cornfused with Judy’s strap-on ^^^)
Are you mass producing those things?
Oh, I like to poke the trolls too sometimes. But these days they’re just tiresome. I think there’s a group of ‘em being trolls just to be trolls. Just to be bothersome.
Like the ones in “ForumWarz”? :C
Ermmm… ‘In’ Bicycle?
Yes, in bicycle. The spirit of bff has possessed the two wheeled killing machine!
Mon Dieu! Call an Excorsist!
*smooches bff*
Thank you very much, my friend!
My pleasure. No-one insults our cycling friend and gets way with it!
It’s so nice to see him back!
DOT ORG!!!!
Yes! I noticed it right away too.
Who shoved Dane into a bicycle? No wonder he looks so funny.
The same person that put the Ram in the Ramalamadingdong.
Intro… off the end? I don’t think I understand how that would work.
The bike guy used to be the intro for every failblog video.
*headdesk*
(Psst – Avis – can you link me up with the “grilled cheese” discussion again? Thanks!)
Ah, there you are!
You asked me last time if I had adopted a dog!
Are you talkin’ to me?
Those links were on my computer which is nothing more than a glorified paperweight right now. Give me a bit of time and I’ll try to find the Fail we discussed it on?
Red carpet fail.
Wow, you’re fast.
*squeeze*
That’s what she…
You know what, let’s not go there.
*squeezes back*
Yeah! Thanks!
*squeze*
Bukkit please!
*ahem*
*squeeze*
Speaking of computers made of tin and sticks and animal femurs, where is our wily puppy? I was out for a lot of the summer, has anyone seen him lately?
*facepalm*
Do the words “off the end” have any significance to you whatsoever? Any?
Wasn’t he the intro several months ago?
FOR CHRIST’S SAKES! THE WORDS “INTRO” AND “END” DO NOT GO TOGETHER! EVER?! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!
*bursts blood vessel*
*collapses*
*Calls Parakeet*
Try re-reading Dane’s comment. Where does an INTRO belong? Where does Dane suggest it be removed from?
I was saying that, if I remember correctly, the ending for this video used to be the intro to failblog videos.
*closes eyes*
*counts to ten*
*sigh*
*walks away*
*gives up*
*the choir sings “HALLELUJAH”*
Well, at least you’re the smartest wall I’ve ever met.
I like the Wall played by the mechanical Snout.
I’m with you Hammy, WTF?
You was not a Great comment, Dane.
*adds an rs to comment above*
Hassan, Chop!
who was the other person?
pretty sure that was my grandma
Uhm…. woman?
Says about all there’s to it…
no it was definitely my grandma
looked like a man when she was in the car, which i was surprised, but wen she walked out… ahhhhhhh i get it thats normal
No time for park barrier… WIN!
I think everyone really could use one of WhoaNellie >ZAP!< Dot Orgs buttons right now.
fail is my fave word
this one is great I some times want to do just that.
What is it about driving and handling a car that goes beyond the grasp of every woman on the planet???? It’s common sense, ladies. Is there something in your genes that just won’t allow you to learn to drive a simple car?
*Golf clap* Well played Fuzz.
props go to Zombie Apocalypse
*fuzz props to ZA => FUZZA!*
Naw, you get all the credit there Fuzz. All I did was mention her husband’s name to some troll.
I say again even more so having seen her race, I really hate him. That is all.
…lol
Yes, there is.
saving money win..
apparently the mercedes has no scratch…
Will the blogmonster pretty please, with a cherry on top, stop nomming on my comments?
Thanks!
For starters, I would suggest you stop putting delicious cherries on your comments.
I’m Winston Wolfe.
I solve problems.
This vid is so old Esurance had a commercial based on it.
Your mom’s so old, she used to baby-sit Yoda.
This is like deja vu all over again.
Hi all!
Hey! *squeeze!*
*squeeze!*
Why can’t every day be a vacation? I could get used to this.
*jealous squeeze*
You having fun?
*squeeze!*
Lots! We’re sightseeing all over the area. The weather is PERFECT.
Avis: Your mother lives in Miami?
Nah, she had a business meeting there. She lives in Chicago, in the building next to mine. She grew up in Miami though.
Hee! Having fun I take it?
My mother is just now at the airport, waiting to fly back from Miami!
Hi Brewski. Did you take the Florida job?
Why is it always a Mercedes?
Hello. Have we met?
Nope, no job changes.
Yes, Mercedes. Reminds me of a joke that everybody has probably heard, but I gotta retell it anyway. A little old lady is driving her Mercedes in the shopping mall during the holidays. She is looking for a spot to park, but they’re all taken. She sees somebody about to leave, so patiently waits for them to leave. The car leaves, and she is about to pull in, when a teenager in a Camaro comes in very quickly from the other direction, and takes the spot in front of her. She gets out of the car, and says, “Excuse me, I was waiting for that spot!”. He sneers, “Well, that’s what happens when you’re young and quick!”
She climbs in her Mercedes, puts it in gear, and floors it, smashing into his car. He yells at her, “Hey! What in hell are you doing?”
She replies, “Well, that’s what happens when you’re old and rich!”
And it’s what happens when you have better insurance!
Originally from the movie Fried Green Tomatoes. Clickie.
Yup! I cheered for that scene.
I ♥ Kathy Bates.
I love the cigarette hanging from her mouth when she’s reaching.
Did cleopatra really have a chowder?
thats women driver for you stupied as ever and only good for 1 thing and that is were you stick your man parts
“Most people would die sooner than think; in fact, they do.”
i didnt think it i said it your just as dumb as the girl in the video shut your fur pie
I bet you couldn’t pull this one off, with or without man parts.
(Psst…ZA…I like how you put “pull off” and “man parts” in the same sentence. Theng-kew. *squeeze*)
*RIGLMAO*
I’d love to take credit for putting that much thought into that sentence, but I can’t lie to a dragon. It was pure luck. But you’re welcome.
I bet you’re an obese socially awkward person that cries themselves to sleep at night, because you’re really adopted and your parents don’t love you.
One of my FAVORITE persons involved in motor sports:
She’s FAST, fearless, smart, and charming as can be.
Hey, my link text was eaten!
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sabine_Schmitz
Hee! I thought you were talking about D-dubs and your Tokyo Drifting driving-backwards-through-parking-lots dates
I did say “one” of my favorites.
you found one good woman driver, and yes i would stick my man parts inside that fine looking fur pie
hint i’m just getting started in her fur pie
I think the REAL fail here is her sleeves.
Amen, Barry Manilow’s dog! I hate her sleeves and the slits up the ankles in her pants, she looks like she has super fat wrists and cankles under there and she’s trying to hide them.
*Bamp*
*sigh*
There, there…
*pat pat pat*
That’s actually WIN! Now we all can leave without paying!!!!!
Yayyyyyyyyyy!!!!
Ask him about his grandfather!!
How’s his fake fire hydrant, ghouck?!!
car by crashing through the armbar
*Snickers*
I like how she gets out, looks at the damage, then gets back in and leaves.
“Uh…wasn’t me.” *screeeeee!*
Of course! Your car is always the most important thing in the world! (sarcasm)
AND SO AGREE PICKLES!!
Whoa. Talk about old. I think I saw this one back in like ’03. Still great.
OMG FIRST!!111!11!!1!!1!!!1ONEONEONE
Learn to count.
Today’s not-so-completely random comment of the day:
I’m grading the annotated bibliographies my students wrote for their first paper, and one of the sources on this person’s bibliography is, “The Poetry of Rudyard Kipling in Soviet Russia”.
I just had to share.
Hee-hee!
In Soviet Russia, poetry writesyou!
*Runs away with quickness*
*sticks out foot*
*trips up Scottie*
*wanders away, whistling innocently and looking at the ceiling*
*Gets up and dusts off**takes deep breath*
If I had put the spaces properly in my last post I’d be upset, but I suppose I had that coming.
I do know that was you Ms. subtle, since I don’t see Gaynorvader anywhere nearby.
*adjusts halo*
*sneaks up behind DW*
*knocks halo askew*
*runsawayfast*
*Picks up random ring of light*
*Shows it to the room*
Um who does this belong to? (Who’s (sp) is this?)
Tain’t mine! Never had one!
*giggles and hides*
Dang. That thing was covering up my horns.
*honks*
*sneaks up behind DW*
*honks horns*
*runsawayfast*
Hey, watch where you’re honking!
Oh, you silly goose.
Uh oh, now your goose is cooked!
WOOP!!!
I’ve been turned into a honky-tonk woman!!
*goosesteps away*
In Soviet Russia, bibliography incorrectly cites YOU.
Gulag Done Done Gunga Din In.
LCB – how are you feeling?
I’m doing mostly ok, thanks for asking! A tad bit tender in the area they were working on and getting headache-y, although the latter is likely due to weather.
Note to anesthesiologists: Telling your patients that you will be giving them the “Michael Jackson drug” does NOT instill confidence.
What?? What did I miss? Reality imitates the blog, I recall you doing a good job of anesthetizing yourself on the blog! And usually at the worst possible times. And, like the blog, everybody lived happily ever after?
*hands LCB 2 aspirin*
*accepts aspirin, looks around for something to wash them down with*
Oh, just a little minor surgery is all. More mini-minor, really. I’ll be back up and anesthetizing myself and malpracticing confectionery obstetrics in a day or two.
*offers fifth of whiskey*
Whew! Glad to hear it.
*LCB squeezes*
*hides the turkey baster*
*breaks out the wine*
Who’s thirsty??
*wonders where the turkey baster was hidden*
*carefully accepts wine*
To good health, everyone!
Ain’t tellin’.
Cheers!
*Holds out an empty wine glass*
Please Dragon, I want some more.
MOOOOOOOOOORE?????
…Okey-doke!
*pours wine into glass*
Cheers, friends.
Cheers!
Hey, Marius…long time, no *squeeze*.
*clink*
Howdy AA! Yes, it has been work, work, work for me.
*Squeeze back*
And *Clink*
There’s a good lad.
*takes aspirin, chugs whiskey, belches daintily*
Ooooh, I like the way your tongue flaps up and down when you do that.
Note also the pinky extension. I do special stretching exercises to achieve that.
What’s the point of having the comment at the end of the video when it flashes by too fast to read? You should leave the comments to linger for a good 10 seconds before you continue on so we have time to read them.
Not this one, but usually I agree.
Have you tried pausing it?
Exactly. It’s a test of skill. Only the pure of heart and quick of hand are worthy to view the secret message.
Man, failblog ___ me I also ____ failblog but _______ I thier the website ___ *fill in teh _____ with ______’s*
Oh fun, Mad Libs! Let’s see, verb, verb, adjective, adjective, proper noun, noun.
OLD.
The preferred phrase is “Failed Fountain Finder”
Yay! Where did you come from, kiddo?
Well you see, when a momma Qwaz and a daddy Qwaz love eachother very very much, they decide to…
You’ve got it all wrong. The stork is responsible for everything.
That’s where YOU’RE wrong.
Spores, man.
Spores.
I had this person-sized plantlike pod fall into my yard the other day, should I go look at it closely and see what’s in it?
I wouldn’t take it to get appraised by anyone.
Just look at what happened to Joe Dirt.
It hatched! And there was an exact replica of me in it! Wow, think she’s friendly?
That’s a very good question Dilettante, you should sleep on it.
*yawn* It is quite late, here…Night, all. I’ll inflate the aerobed for my clo
Marius: Is Dilly asleep yet?
Nurse: No, but she will be soon. And there will be no more tears.
Cloning man,
Cloning.
*Gets mocked by guy behind him*
*Unleashes carebearstare on mocker*
Man, I’ve been wanting to do that all day!
Actually, no, it’s more like this.
Wait…Care Bears don’t have bellybuttons…clones don’t have bellybuttons…OH MY GOD
This will have a profound retroactive effect on my childhood.
You can’t even imagine the terror this realization will unleash on the world.
♪ If you go down to the woods today,
you’d better not go alone.
It’s lovely down in the woods today,
but safer to stay at home. ♪
*Ponce’s* on the ever-youthful Qwaz
WTF!!! the “failblog… DOT ORG” again :S damn, that’s a FAIL
Ran around all day with my parents from doctor appointment to doctor appointment… sometimes, at the end of the day, all a guy wants to do is sit around on his @$$ and be with friends. And lo and behold, FailBlog was invented.
*squeezes all around*
*sees fail, points and laughs childishly, glad to be home again at last*
We meet again.
*puts arms down by sides*
*Hand twitches near Plasma Cutter holster*
Rematch time, cowboy.
Duh duh duhhhhhhh…..!
*Plays the good the bad and the ugly soundtrack.*
I hope you aren’t listing us in order…
Nah I don’t think there is enough synonyms for beautiful for the third listee. (Oh and quaz is bad not the bad, bad.)
Emp dodges the bullet.
*Opens musical pocket watch*
*Films twenty minutes of facial tics and eye movement*
Don’t forget to pan to the hands every so often.
Oh and I have something in my holster for you.
*Quickdrawsqueezeandreholster*
*Staggers forward*
*drops to knees and falls face down*
*reaches out and squeezes Emps foot*
*Drops to knees and then doubles over in pain*
Achilles be dammed.
*Snickers*
That’s it for me. I’m off too hit the rack.
Good night all!
And I’m taking my extra “o” with me.
Give it to your wife.
*wicked grin*
G’night!
*sings along: ‘na na na na na…na na naaaa!’*
*Shoots dilly… a smile*
*Squeeze*
Um there are.
Looks like WIN to me!
At first, it looked like a man when the person was still in the car, and I was shocked I might be wrong at my initial assumption that it was a woman…. but happy to be proven right.
ah, women drivers… been almost clipped by too many who don’t check their blind spots when changing lanes. Guess they don’t want to turn their heads and mess up their hair?!
Woman driver, no survivor!
Looks like they got out just fine
Plus, she still drove off without putting the ticket into the other machine…
I’ve seen this clip before… There’s a video of bad women drivers floating around, that has many hilarious clips just like this back to back…
Manual Gearbox rules
Old
WTF? Another day off?
*goes back to bed*
Wake up. You’re needed on the extra fail!
No, too late. I’m spending my whole day in bed.
John Lennon would be proud.
*nightsqueeze*
♪ Please don’t wake me, no don’t shake me
Leave me where I am
I’m only sleeping ♪
~ JWL
Noooo.
*shakes fist at FB for upsetting the cosmic balance*
*squeeze*
Yeah, free parking for everyone!
Haha i remember that they used the first part in an insurance ad.
I think the fail is that she got out of the car to check her Mercedes. Might as well have just kept on driving.
That girl sure never knows how to reach…
epic old
That may be a failure to insert the ticket, but it’s definetely a win on exiting the garage! Who never wanted to hit that thing and go home?
of course – its a woman
Design of gating system: fail — too hard for users.
Design of car: fail — exacerbates problem.
Operation of vehicle: fail — recognize with what your working.
Design of Viddler: fail — doesn’t handle rewinds intelligently.
User of Viddler: fail — better systems available.
You stupid, don’t use a mercedes if you can’t drive.
Ackkkkkkkkkkkkk! It’s the RETURN OF THE OBNOXIOUS VOCALIZATION??? Putting it at the end instead of at the beginning doesn’t make it any less obnoxious.
-Cougar :{)
I have this terrible feeling of deja vu.
Well we all saw that coming because:
a) Expensive car drivers usualy suck at driving
b) women usualy suck at driving.
This woman suckes squared!
old but i still love it. also shows the quality of german cars
I thought you weren’t going to put the Fail Blog bump in the videos anymore since you won the webbys?
…YOU LIE!
I’m not gonna go back and check, but I’ll bet they said they’d remove it from the intro. Heh heh, they get away with it on a technicality.
How hard is it to put your car in park, open the door, insert card/money, climb back into car, close door, buckle up, put the car into drive, and drive off? Apparently, it’s beyond her capabilities.
This video is so old that car now has grandkids
And how many times YOU guys felt like going through these things? huh? She did it! Jealous?
she’s thinking, ” eh my cars okay, i’ll just leave like nothing happened”
and who’s going to pay for that?
I love how she just checks out the damage done to her car and runs.
women drivers