Condom Brand Fail
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Cheezburger Network Blog
Profailactic
Incest does that to you
XXY?
Because we like you!
mm, i c.
K(e)Y anyone???
Is that a mousse gel?
Paparazzi or Papernazi?
here goes another reply
It’s customary to have content
It seems content.
i reply to that reply
Why, oh why.
Pepperoni KY, aka BaconLube.
I like to call it sprousse. (clicky.)
xa0×0a0xa0xa0×0ax0a0xa0xa
Are you having a seizure?
That just made me *snork* for real!
Vowel AND consonant movement… Hmmmm… Vee shall have to vatch your condition very closely.
LMAO.
I saw that at the supermarket and was like… WTF??
What did they want to say
this is french: “plus retard” means something along the lines of “stop it a lot” so it actually does make sense: “family plus retard” = this product will protect well against you starting a family. Read in French=win. Read in English=LOL
Um “plus retard” just means “later” in french. Not anything along the lines of “stop it a lot”. In French, it’s not funny or a joke at all, simply “Family Later”= condoms! Why pretend to know French?!
I’m French and “Plus retard” does not mean anything in french.
).
“Plus tard” = Later, not “Plus retard”.
It should be written / read as “Family Plus – Retard” and not “Family – Plus Retard” to make sense to me.
The french word “retard” associated with condoms means that it will extend the thing (nothing to do with the fact of postponing the creation of your family
I think it’s in French. Plus retard would mean slower, I believe.
Condom fail = retarded family?
… for the pro-choice, pro-phylactic, pro-fessional pro-family plus-fools family
For the provost. . .
If you examine them, you can see right through them.
Provided to the Emperor with New Clothes.
From your local proconsul.
Provided to those with a proclivity for procreation procrastination.
Prodding pro bono advice for prodigals:
Use protection.
Props for Professor Pro Bono.
Procured by the proctor.
Prohibiting progeny problems with your favorite prodigy project.
Proceed to your nearest Protestant and proffer a profession.
Always look on the bright side of death.
*scratches proboscis*
That’s very profound.
*eats badger proboscises*
Or the otter ones :blush:
godDAMNIT!
*Produces Shamwow*
For your proboscis problem.
Oops-a-dilly!
*raises glass*
PROST!
*Is prone to squeezing*
SQUEEZES everyone.
Shouldn’t that be preferred prodigy project?
The pro-choice *wouldn’t* have a retarded family.
guaranteed , or your money back!
Yes, I’d like a refund please. Is something the matter, sir? All of the condoms have holes in them.
SHE TRICKED ME!
♪ She blinded me with science! ♪
Could I exchange it for a family-plus-genius please?
That’ll be $4.50 extra.
King Philip Came Over the Family Genius?
Specious claim, there, fuzzy…
There were holes in the story?
*Grants refund*
“I enjoy being intellectually challenged.”
~ actual quote from a personal statement for doctoral program application I once reviewed
Just when I thought
That my truth erased confusion. . .
Damn, I thought they were all specials
If only I had a nickel for every time I thought they were specie …
WORST Ben Kingsley movie ever.
Coincidentally, this story was on the radio a couple days ago. (clickie)
I’m a little worried it’s going to bring out the idots.
*idiots
*kersplortch*
Personally, I believe it’s all about intent. If you mean to harm with your words, you will, regardless of the words you choose. But some words have been used so extensively as a slur, they pretty much guarantee offenc/se.
The intrewebs conspire against me, or my computer’s borked again. I can’t get to the link.
The NPR site appears to be bogged down today, for some reason. I’m having troubles too, it’s very slow.
Perhaps they finally got that bundle of wrath I sent them for not putting spoiler tags on their movie reviews.
Uh oh. Dilly, did you make their computers burst into flames again with an irate email??
Yeah! And I hang out on their forums and respond to my own filthy moderated comments!! Screw you, awesome free news and culture!
NESTING DEVIANT!!
“If anybody wants me, I’ll be in the angry dome!”
“You just have to give guys a chance. Sometimes you meet a guy and think he’s a pig, but then later on you realize he actually has a really good body.”
“You?! A woman? I’m trying to catch a monster, not find the quickest route to the mall!”
“Hey. What kind of party is this? There’s no booze and only one hooker.”
“I’m not a robot like you, I don’t like having discs crammed into me… unless they’re Oreos… and then only in the mouth.”
‘No, THAT’s how you always look.’
“Oh, dear, I should have shown him “Electrogonorrhea: the noisy killer” instead.”
“Cool your jets, you’re melting Bender’s face.”
“When you look this good, you don’t have to know anything.”
“I’m having one of those things! A headache with pictures!”
“Quite possible. We live long and are celebrated poopers.”
*squeeze*
.
I’m so tired! I’m doing two full-time jobs in two different states! ARGH! HALP!
.
*dials 3333*
Thank you for calling The Help Line. How can I direct your call?
You’re in two states at the same time? Ouch!! Pull yourself together!!
*smoochies*
dream state and dreamless sleep?
.
*oneiric hugs*
The worst part is, I can’t be HERE!!
.
:angry:
.
But, I am trying to train the receptionist at the NC location to do some parts of that job so I’m only there 2 hours a day instead of 4.
*squeezity!*
We miss you! Take care of yourself, please…that much work and stress can be bad for your health.
/mother henning (And no…I don’t have a son named Doug!)
It’s maaagiic!
Words harm or otherwise do what they imply regardless of intent; that’s why you should choose them wisely.
I agree, to a point. You can’t always please everybody. Otherwise, you end up with political-correctness run amok. When it comes to some subjects, you will always find somebody out there who finds a particular word offensive. One small example: my girlfriend finds the word “woman” offensive (I could explain why, but won’t do so here). But I doubt any reasonable person would ban the word “woman” from their vocabulary. Everybody has to make their own decision about where they draw the line in choice of words.
Footnote: I don’t use the word “woman” in reference to my g/f, because I know it offends her. That’s common courtesy. But I wouldn’t expect or ask others to do the same. And neither does she.
*bukkits multiple grammatical mistakes ^^^*
You said neither. I’m offended.
^ neitherlander
What was your INTENT?
sticks out tongue and runs away….giggling
Exactly. People have become so thin skinned lately it’s getting comical. Everything is offensive to someone if they want to be offended by it and it seems like everyone wants to be offended at everyone else.
Can’t we all just get along?
Not if you keep offending me like that!
I find thin skin offensive.
*blows whistle*
Offensive foul on LGB. That’s 2 freethrows for the opposing team.
Offense makes good neighbors.
…Wait….that can’t be right…
What if the ball is in your court?
Ewww…
I think Skrat left it there.
:ick:
Salty ball juice, anyone???
Dragon… there are some things that should never, ever, ever make it outside the bachelorette party.
Dang…
What happens in D-dubs, stays in D-dubs?
Does she find the word “woman” offensive regardless of context?
She doesn’t like to be called a woman, in any context. She prefers “girl”.
Footnote: I know of at least a couple people who feel the exact opposite. The do not like being called a “girl”.
That said, these are fringe cases. A little courtesy and common sense will avoid problems 99.999% of the time. So I don’t disagree with you.
Call her ‘miss thang’ and see what happens.
.
Oh honey you are fine my little miss sweet thang.
*snork*
We were not necessarily disagreeing; that’s why I was exploring further. I do have a problem with the emphasis on “all about intent”. Perhaps, you were just using a colloquial phrase and didn’t mean to imply “entirely” or “overwhelmingly”.
Well, I didn’t think about that too much, to be honest. Offense is in the eyes of the beholder, of course. It’s a two-way street.
Personally, I only get offended when somebody is deliberately choosing words to insult or offend.
*pauses*
Actually, that’s an oversimplification. I can think of several examples where I could get offended when I doubt the person intended harm, it has even (rarely) happened on this blog.
I didn’t think out my position clearly. My comment was driven more from some of the extremes of politically-correct language. I’m a pretty PC person, all-in-all, I even objected to the word “midget” on this blog, if you recall. But I still think some take it a tad too far.
As a reader, I assume the writer has deliberately chosen their words.
If someone engages in language that’s offensive and you don’t think they meant harm, then that still says something about that person (and perhaps you). Using your NPR example, if someone uses the word “gay” as a general derogatory term, you may believe they intended no harm, yet harm was done.
Ummm… just a quick question. If you use a word as a derogatory term, doesn’t that automatically intend harm?
My username gestures towards my distrust of treating words as “presences” to be taken literally. They are, at their best, poetic prods that invite us to feel and see. And, especially, on a site like this, they are often playthings. So it is especially important to take care not to be overly quick to take them literally or personally, both because word-play is what we do here, and because we don’t know the tone of voice, etc., of the persons behind the expressions.
- There is the person.
- There is his or her intent.
- There is their expression of that intent in words.
- There is then how those words appear to another.
- And then there is that other person’s interpretation of those words as they appear to them.
- And then there is their reaction.
- And then their expression of that reaction.
There is room for mistranslation and misinterpretation at each step. Wonderful relationships can get started on playgrounds, and, alternatively, folks can actually get hurt on playgrounds. But personally I feel it important to remind myself that that is what this place is — a potentially nice place to play nice.
Bravo Fuzz!! Bravo!!! Standing ovulation kindalike Bravo! 5 thumbs up Bravo!!!!! Couldn’t agree more Bravo!!!!!! —> And there is no irony to be heard here, understood??!!!
Avis, Admiral: Yes, using any word that refers to a group in a derogatory way is intending harm. “Gay”, “retard”, etc. I find kids’ extensive use of “gay” as an insult very offensive. But, it’s not offensive to say “He’s gay”, when referring to sexual preference.
Fuzz: I’m not convinced your intent is always “nice”. Yes, that’s my interpretation, perhaps misinterpretation. However, I base my judgement on long-term observed behavioral patterns, not an anecdote.
Brewski, I’ve personally been called derogatory names attacked on FB as a human being. My recommendation for anyone here who has objections to the words that people post would be:
state how those words appear to you and voice what you find objectionable about them (before making the conclusion that their author is an intentional asshat, etc.)
(should read “… have been called derogatory names and attacked on FB as a human being”)
This whole conversation is making me desperately sad.
Intention matters…but it is not the be all or the end all. I have seriously hurt people with no intention of doing so, and I have felt absolutely terrible about it. I have spoken thoughtless words without thinking about how they may be perceived and received. I have caused harm without meaning to and have grieved over it. I can’t !magine there is a person amongst us who can say they have never done this.
But you all know how I feel about words, and the importance of words. When they are used carelessly and thoughtlessly, they can be as damaging as any weapon. It’s easy to say, “That’s your problem” and refuse to assume responsibility. It’s much, much more difficult to say, “I didn’t think” or “I didn’t realize”…and “I’m sorry.” There have been times I should have said this and haven’t…there are times I didn’t need to say this, but I did anyway.
I have no idea which of these situations applies here. But I’d like to think that I tend to err on the side of kindness and accountability, and I would hope that no one would be afraid to tell me if I said something hurtful to them.
(My sincere apologies if this double-posts…I used the “I” word.)
Words really are powerful – it just takes one to make a whole post disappear!
This is making me sad as well. I’ve offended (probably often) and been offended by (rarely) nearly everyone on this blog, unsurprising when I remember it’s all in text and people often misconstrue my tone and meaning. My first few months were terrible at times, and one reason I wish people would lurk more. One particularly stupid troll pissed me off so much I left for a while to cool off and I ended up finally getting to let it out later, which I never do. I never do that because, honestly, I don’t think anyone who hangs out here means to offend or hurt anyone else we normally respect and are amused by. This place has gotten me through some extremely tough times and I hate problems with our language and meaning and intent, but it seems inevitable. The failure of some of the language and choices in photos of the fb staff here has been making me sad, as well. But I’m addicted to all of you, so here I shall stay.
Good. It’s more fun with you here.
*squeeze*
It’s your fault I’m here! I think we were talking about being effable when I stopped lurking and jumped in…
There have been many times when I have thought of something clever that I was quite proud of but could see where my words might be misconstrued or otherwise cause hurt due to the circumstances of wordplay. I put a lot of thought into what I write, and I know others do as well. I’ll edit these problematic posts–often at the expense of some wit–so as to improve clarity. When I am unable to reconcile the humo(u)r with the context of the audience I’ll swallow my pride and my words.
When I read something that has hurtful resonance it doesn’t matter to me whether it was the primary or intended meaning. The fact that an ambiguously snarky comment was not altered or censored shows a lack of respect or concern that I do not enjoy.
OK, I was going to leave this alone, but, I don’t learn…
I’ve put my foot in my mouth more times than I can count. I often don’t think enough before I post, I just start typing. And I very much regret starting this thread. I even found myself disagreeing with my own post. How well-thought-out is that?
I will say that the gang here has become very special to me. I’m with Scott, you all help me through the rough spots. So, it pains me terribly to see unhappiness.
Parting *Squeezes* to all.
One of the reasons I stopped lurking was that I saw so much intelligence behind all the whitty comments, which I really haven’t seen on any other blog, or even quite possibly on the Internet in general. In all the time that I was behind the scenes, I never felt that anyone on here (save for the trolls) had been purposefully derogatory, hurtful, or spiteful. I think everyone tries to keep this blog safe, fun, and humorous and it shows. Thanks to all Fail Peeps for all the *snorkrawfuls*! Keep up the good work!
Guilty on all accounts of offending people. Dilly, Dragon, Admiral, Avis can all attest to the horrible entrance I made. I often get myself into trouble from writing before fully thinking out what message I want to transmit. I don’t choose out each word unfortunately I much rather my overall message get across than the minor communicative points. I know I have been wrong in the past and I will add this intent matters yes, but the strength of the words chosen matters so much more. You would be hard pressed to intend your way out of calling someone a retard… By the way, I still don’t find it enough but sorry to you guys that I offended here. Dragon, Admiral, Avis, Dilly etc and thanks for having the patience to put up with me. I must say you guys have changed how I act in the real world, did more maturing here in one year than I have in the last 3.
Don’t feel you have to apologize to me, I don’t remember you or Quaz ever being trolls, though you’ve both mentioned it. I will, however remember every awesome comment you ever make, as D-dubs and many others will attest
It’s true. She’s absolutely terrifying that way.
Thanks, and I brought cookies to brighten up this thread.
*Presents Chocolate Chunk Cookies*
Enjoy!
*dives in*
*omnomnomnomnomnomnomnom*
*sits back, licks fingers*
Believe me, I did.
The word “woman” doesn’t offend me as much as “gal”. GRRRR!!!!!!
Yeah, Dames like you shouldn’t oughta have to listen to talk like dat. Don’t talk like dat in fronta the broads, guys! Geez. Des knuckle heads ain’t got no manners.
I insist on being called the High Priestess of Rock n’ Roll. Thank you.
Hmm.. that’s kinda long. How about HP of RnR?
Would jackass suffice? I’m offended by the word “high”.
I’ll be “Dragon, Warrior Punstress”, if you please.
I’m calling you D-dubs, Warrior Poetess!
That werks, too. *smooch*
Represent, what! *smooch*
I find “Lady” more bothersome because for many, there is an expectation of a certain sort of behavior. People to expect “ladies” to be too prim, proper, and up-tight. I’d rather be a woman and be able to show many sides of my personality without having someone “tsk tsk” me.
I do so hate the tsk-tsking (unless I’m the one doing it, of course).
I don’t care what words are used so much as a condescending tone. That I find offensive. When my boss speaks down to me I wanna rip his face off.
I totally agree Katz! The worst is when that tone is applied to ones name.
I understand your girlfriend Brewski, I wouldn’t want to be called a woman either!
That one gets up my nose, too, Nightshayde. I’m no lady…but I’m definitely all woman!
I was in a very outdated bathroom the other day, and there was a box marked “Sanitary Napkin Disposal: Preferred by Discreet Women Everywhere”. I was amused.
Did you find a women in the restroom??
The women was probably changing her “sanitary napkin”.
I don’t like being called “dude.” It bothers me like fingernails on a chalkboard. My brother used to have a friend who insisted on calling me “dude,” so I started calling him “woman.” He never stopped though.
*shudders*
amok!!! *squeeze*
Girl….you’ll be woman someday…..
The one I don’t like is “mam”!!
I had gotten that one once and was horribly pissed about it, until I started working with Southern boys and realized they just can’t help it. It’s sort of cute when looked at that way, to me.
you’re kinda cute when looked at most any way, thank you ma’am.
Whah thank you, ahnd you’re lahke a cool breeze on a hot summah day!
There’s a big difference between the word “woman” and the word “retard”.
My general thought is that if you substitute the “n” word in a sentence with a word like “retard” and it still sounds offensive, you’ve got a slur.
My sister is disabled and hates being called “retard”. If it is said with.
hate, it will be hurtful. Plain and simple.
One can use the word “retard” (as a verb) and not mean it in a hurtful manner. The pronunciation makes a difference too, RE-tard is generally derogatory, while re-TARD isn’t.
If people take issue simply with the word, then what shall we call it when I need to anti-advance the timing on my trucks engine?
iRafas’ing?
Wow. I can’t believe that after all the comments on this thread, no one has figured this out: The “plus retard” means “much later in French”
Being mentally retarded means suffering from some amount of mental delays, a 30 year old who has the mentality of a 7 year old, for example.
But if you say “je suis retard” in French, you are saying that you are late, as in not on time; you would not be calling yourself retarded.
Tu es en retard.
(C’est portugais.)
Good God – thank heavens someone finally pointed it out! I’m reading the label thinking “okay, it’s a very literal brand name for a condom — Family much later….not seeing the fail here”
I’d label this as a language comprehension fail!
Your gf must actually be a woman though, surely. Or does she prefer ‘bird’, ‘tart’, ‘floozie’,'lady’,'ho’, ‘beatch’, or ‘girl’? Does the word ‘woman’ not mean an adult female human any more? Is there a new word I don’t know about? Also isn’t she offended by being called a gf, rather than, say, a ‘partner’?
iDots?
D*mn you Steve Jobs! What won’t you touch?
I always found Apple’s browser name (Safari) to be curious in that way. There’s an iPod, iTunes, iPhoto … and Safari. I sometimes spell it backwards to make it fit, iRafas.
iLike your iLand vibration, mon, iPositive.
Hmmm. Maybe that is why Safari is free. Same for Firefox. The “i” adds great value. FYI- Steve Jobs just sent me an email and said to stop spelling it backward or he will either charge for it or sue you. Either way, adding that “i” is going to cost some $$$.
Let him sue me. I don’t need those shiny silver dollars on my eyes anymore anyway. I’ll even save him some postage and come to claim my subpoena personally.
The kind of shape he’s been in, a zombie infection may be just the thing he needs. He will become the “iZomb”.
INTERNATIONAL DAY OF THE SOCK! Wooo!
*runs around with socks on his hands*
In elementary school a sock called “Fu” (seriously!) was the one teaching us how to read and write. “Fu ruft Uta” was my first sentence ever. And I don’t think I have written it since. I must say, the joy of getting it right is less big than it was…
Wow! I am genuinely impressed you can remember the first sentence you wrote! How can you do that? I can’t even remember how I was taught to read and write.
)
*surpriseweekendanklesqueeze*
(Admit it, you’re still happy you can still write your first sentence ever
*anklesqueeze*
It was everybody’s first sentence back then, so it’s not that hard to remember. Iwas really shocked to hear that Fu is now retired. How on earth can anyone learn reading and writing without a sock puppet teaching it?!?
Hah! I was wrong, he still exists; and now he has a girlfriend! I wonder what else they tach nowadays? (Clicky!)
It was a rubber match — the condom won.
transparently
I feel more protected with added retard.
Everybody knows you never go full retard!
^ on Topic Thunder
But this head movie makes my eyes rain!
Even lead farmers?
I know what dude I am! I’m the dude playin’ the dude, disguised as another dude!
The dudes are emerging.
The Dude abides.
(just don’t tell Gracie that)
Ah, a misnomer fail. I like those.
Me too.
Bonus pack?
Little Johnny walks into his dad’s bedroom and sees him sliding on a condom. His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed.
Little Johnny asks curiously, “What are you doing, Dad?”
His father quickly replies, “I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed.”
Little Johnny replies, “What are you gonna do — screw him?”
*snork*
A man went over to his girl’s place for a little bit of nookie between the sheets. He presented her with three choices of condom — gold, silver, or bronze.
“Silver,” she said.
“Why not gold?”
“Because I want you to come second for once!”
Safety Third.
*snerk*
Well-played. That got me to laugh out loud just as a boss was coming into my cubicle to talk to my co-worker.
Rawfulsforealz!
Rawfuls have ridges
They help you get Lay-d.
Well with a name like Johnny he’d be sure to know what a condom was. Or don’t it mean that in America?
The family that plays together, stays together.
♪ We are family…♪
Keep it in the family.
♪ been around the world and found
that only stupid people are breeding
the cretins cloning and feeding ♪
It’s funny cause it’s true.
Just using the fire retardant meant for the last fail?
flame on
‘Doctor, my wife smokes after sex, what should I do?’
‘Use a better lubricant’
Rubbher? I don’t even know her!
how quickly some forget
ht tp://failblog.org/2009/09/11/heater-placement-fail/#comment-602141
Retarded baby
Family plus retard? Is the retard not part of the family then?
That is the traditional way to write it on invitations.
.. And Christmas cards. ‘Tis the season for exclusion
♫ Fa la la la la, la la la la. ♫
♫ Silver bells… ♫
♫ Ding dong merrily on high… ♫
*covers BFF’s young ears from such filth*
Family + Retard = Inlaws
*snork*
That made me laugh…thanks, Skrat!
You betcha!
*winks*
It’s fun for all the family!
That, and pole dancing!
That wasn’t a snow shovel?
Damn, that’s where I was going to go with that one
I think you got that one upside down, Arthur.
*squeeze*
I did?
*squeeze*
Relax, I’m on your thigh’d.
failblog.org/2009/01/23/pole-dancer-fail/
When your mother-in-law and me was goin’ around together, it was two years, we never! I never! I mean absolutely nothin’, not ’til the wedding night.
it’s French. Seriously.
*facepalm*
*french tickles*
Hi hi hi!!
‘i ‘i ‘i surely?
Is that how you type laughter in French?
And stop calling me Shirley!
Oh noes, Brewski!
*braces for Airplane onslaught*
BTW: I just want to tell you both good luck, we’re all counting on you.
I picked a bad week to give up sniffing glue.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines .
The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only. There is no stopping in the red zone.
Don’t you tell me which zone is for loading, and which zone is for stopping!
We have clearance, Clarence.
Roger, Roger. What’s our vector, Victor?
Excuse me, stewardess, I speak jive.
*dances across the aisle with no shirt on*
*click!*
AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!! Hoisted ‘pon my own petard!!!
Those petards are sneaky things, and they really get around!
I could watch this all day.
popcorn?
Nah, but I’ll take some bubble wrap.
*pop*
And Spanish/Portuguese. Seriamente.
:{
Is serious. :[
*pokes and runs away without paying* hehehe
Is for poking. :]
Oh wonderful! I thought I was the only one who knew!
See, it`s the thin end of the wedge for designer-babies. BEWARE!
That’s too many chefs in the kitchen.
Can’t eat their kids.
that wouldn’t be too Swift
And so immodest.
proposing a proposition position?
Unless she swallows.
*snork*
Where’s my video fail? I’m waiting since I saw it in the voting section…
Why, what did you do to it…
Me? Voted FOR it. The question is: What did everybody else do?
Probably never showing up Arthur. *squeeze*?
Was your squeeze a question? If so I say yes, *squeeze* indeed.
I voted for it, I wanted a video today.
Also, what the hell?! Why am I not allowed to blame Arthur? ^^ I thought it would be fun *pouts*
It is.
No video fails on Friday, AE.
Dang. I wanted to be in the exclusive club of 3.
Jusy might be at four, now. I’ve stopped counting.
I’m intentionally leaving my Jusy/Jucy typos in for now.
Well, I’m still at zero, since apparently the video of the kid hitting himself in the head with the skateboard wasn’t good enough for you people.
Belonging to the ZERO CLUB is no shame. I am a member myself.
Being undead means I don’t power much of anything anymore.
Wait, didn’t I power that fail?
It means something like Postponed Family in French
Retard means late or later, no retarded
FAIL FAIL
*sigh* no retarded
I think the closest translation would be something like “Family Later”.
“retard” = late (it’s where we get the term “tardy”), and “plus” is a modifier similar to “more”. Thus “plus retard” = “later”.
trop tard
Mustard.
Leotard.
Custard.
Bastard
Dastardly!
Petard!
*runsawaywithaquickness*
*hoists!*
Mwuaaahahahahahaa.
Hey! You let yourself get caught, didn’t you? You’re no dotard!
We’ll rocket to stardom in our silent movie revival!
Sounds like a gas.
*hoists tankard to toast this new venture*
*clinks*
You’ll have to do your own stunts, and we won’t be able to afford hazard pay.
That’s fine.
But why does my trailer smell like frozen halibut?
Just for the…
nevermind.
oui, j’ai remarqué
It does mean delayed or later, but it also means to stop or slow down. I’d translate “Plus Retard” as “Extra Protection”
The picture is originally mine. It’s not French, it’s a Portuguese attempt at English.
“Family” is the brand (as if that’s what I want when I buy condoms…), “plus retard” is some sort of “feature” description. I’m guessing they want to tell me is it’ll delay my orgasms (“retardar” is a portuguese word for “delay”), but since it’s Engrish, your guess is as good as mine
Obrigado, RC!
(although fuzz used to have a Portuguese girlfriend and does not appreciate being reminded of how she bork’d his heart
)
Chicks, homem.
Boy, you’re no fun at all! Can I be like you? (<—ironic, because this comment isn't funny)
This is gonna be another one of those Fails where a bunch of lurkers come out of the woodwork to explain to us exactly how this is, in fact, not a fail, isn’t it?
*seriously thinks about going back to cleaning the house*
I just wish somebody would tell me what language that is. I totally missed that one.
*snickers*
I fear you’re right, birdie…
If it isn’t a fail then it isn’t a fail. And this isn’t a fail, although the commenters sure are.
QED. Well done.
Um… he was insulting us. Or at least it sure reads like an insult.
He knows…sarcasm.
*facepalm* (at my own blindness)
I shoulda known.
Let’s welcome the new member to our family. ^
It’s kinda nice to comment here and insult the commenters here…
Comment les Français.
Comment allies, too?
Fail, much like math, is a matter of opinion.
Oh, and they’ll amazingly rude as well.
You accidenty your action verb.
↑ ↑ ↑ Grammar Policeman
Teh Poice is here!
Eeeeeeeeep!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crap! I got caught!
*runsawaywithaquickness*
Wait! I thought this was the NO runningawaywithaquickness ZONE.
*stops mid-stride*
What?
*runsinslowmotion*
W-o-w-!-!
I-t-’s l-i-k-e w-a-t-c-h-i-n-g a h-u-m-m-i-n-g-b-i-r-d.
*c-l-i-c-k* *c-l-i-c-k* *c-l-i-c-k*
This zone is for loading and unloading only. Any fail bloggers found parked in this zone will be towed.
*parks leaving inflatable boyfriend in the driver’s seat*
Ugh. Houses are a lot of work, aren’t they?
I hear you, my glass one sucks, I can’t seem to stop throwing stones at it and the glazier bills are exhorbitant.
I can’t seem to stop pushing stones all over the continent and I am enormous.
It translates *roughly* to Stop Family Growth, which is exactly what a Condom is designed for.
I think we should relabel this as ‘understanding foreign culture fail’
That’s c-o-n-d-o-m with a capital C to you. So there! Hmf. We Condoms never get any respect.
*wanders off muttering*
Sorry, but no. The brand is portuguese, and that label is just Engrish.
‘plus retard’ = French for ‘delayed’. Not cool to just make fun of a foreign language. Fail Blog fail.
Family retardant.
Helps keep those baby mommas at bay.
All languages are made fun of equally and without discrimination, all stereotypes applied broadly without favour. Please notify failblog if anyone feels marginalised or ignored and we will try to find a fail for you.
I give you thumbs up, coz I’ve read quite a few of your comments and I agree with ‘em, especially on the hawtness fail.
Thank you, you guys are great, and obviously I`m enjoying FB a whole lot.
Thanks, we’re here all week!
Hi. can I just say I`m so warmed up by the run of posts made by Fuzz, Brewski, DS and yourself about words of offence. I don`t suppose you would find that on any other blog
KellyhaveawarmedFuzzy.
_()_
ATTENTION LURKERS:
WE UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS IN A LANGUAGE THAT IS NOT ENGLISH. YOU
CAN STOP NOW
Seriously. :[
It’s a good effort, but doomed to fail. The “Correctors” don’t read the comments left by others. And if they do read them, they just try to be annoying.
*little-birdie-squeeze* I had to try. When will the madness end?
Who knows?
*squeeze*
I’m hoping for next Tuesday.
Why would you want the madness to end? We have so much fun playing with it, or at least I do.
I’m totally :[
annoying = coming to fail blog to leave a legitimate comment about the actual post, and having to read through all the irrelevant back and forth by you and your friends.
Then you have completely missed the point of this place. That’s kind of sad, actually.
*squeezes twin for good measure*
*squeezes Leila squeezing twin for good measure*
*squeezes Starfish squeezing Leila squeezing twin for a conga line*
Conga?? I thought it was the Bunny Hop!!
No. Anniebunny isn’t here.
What happened to her? I didn’t eat her, I was busy.
It’s a squeezeFest!!!!
*squeezeStarfish*
*squeezes Leila squeezing Katz squeezing starfish, or something like that*
*catapults a squeeze over to Avis for good measure*
Awwww!
*squeezes all*
*Squeezes all the squeezers*
You know with all this squeezing it’s starting to look a lot like a puddle, IMHO.
*buys HUGE inflatable arms*
*embraces everyone in thread minus the trolls*
S_Q_A_U_E_E_E_E_Z_E
It IS Friday after all, this is the day for it!
Here’s to Friday!!!
*holds coffee mug to monitor*
*tiptoes up behind Leila*
*grabs coffee mug while she’s not looking*
*places Martini in her hand*
Here you go, sweetie. This will make Friday MUCH more fun!
Hey, it’s been raining here in Austin!! Drinks on me!
*pretends not to notice coffee mug switch and drinks martini in one gulp*
Mmmmmmmm….good coffee!!!
…it rained here a lot too Skratdaddy. We are expecting more this weekend.
Drinks on Skratdaddy? How many will fit?
*squeezes everyone but Twin*
*GracieSqueezeBack*
good thing this isn’t the sad part. i was very worried this would be the sad part.
I thought annoying=coming in to an established community of friends and trying to tell them that they are doing something wrong. The comments section is not a required stop for your day, so if you don’t like it, don’t stop by.
I’m sorry, twin, you asked for this:
Annoying = “Legitimate” commentors like you who don’t understand the value of laughter and/or kinship. Try reading the WHOLE blog sometime.
What exactly constitutes a ‘legitimate comment’?
One that knows it’s mommy and daddy.
I prefer illegitimate comments, actually. No spousal support that way.
Hey KatzvonD what does plus retard mean LMAO. I looked it up too.
It means they added bacon to the recipe.
BaconLube?
Can you make baconlube out of cows?
Hey now…
Hi!!
Um…I didn’t see you there Suzie.
oh, and you’ll notice the Registered trademark symbol by the word Family, which means that is the brand name.
Incest?
The female punk band? Ugh people actually listen to them?
Incense?
Ooooh! Don’t use that stinky kind used to cover up the smell of pot. It doesn’t work!
I think you mean Patchouli.
Patchouli™: When you absolutely, positively, want to smell like a hippie’s armpit.
*wonders how Ms B knows*
Awww ain’t that cunnin’- a family full of retards and they all use condoms.
Yes. Even the retards are smarter than the religious right.
(Sorry, this might be a bit inflammatory, but it was too good of an opportunity to pass up)
*applauds*
BRAVO!!!
*applauds as well*
*whistles* Right on, Cloral!!
FAIL? It’s in French people. Ces Américains…sacré bleu!
*runs and hides*
LEILA!!!!
*SQUEEZE!!*
So, how was the wedding?
Hi my cute adorable little bird!!!
*gentleFinchSqueeze*
Wedding not here yet. It’s in one month. How are you?
I am going nuts!!!
Things are cool here, I guess. What kept you away? Why nuts?
Work stuff (bastards expect me to do things here for a paycheck) and planning the event. Flying back and forth and a million things that need to be accomplished before the big day … ACK!!!!!
Make sure to schedule a day or two of pure nothing, otherwise you’ll exhaust yourself.
Work is a four-letter word.
I want to redrum my future SIL. He is hopeless when it comes to doing anything. He has a to do list and gosh only knows if he will get anything done. Men!!
LOL!
Maybe instead of a daunting list, give him one thing to do at a time. Personally I love lists, but some people get overwhelmed by them. Just an idea.
I can’t live without my lists. I have one for work, one for home and one for the wedding. It just seems that he has the attention of a circus flea sometimes but you are right, I am going to turn all MIL evil on him and ‘demand’ he does ONE thing-something.
Once he does that one thing, give him another. He can actually do everything on his to-do list, he just might need it broken down into smaller tasks than one great big list.
Good idea.
Thanks.
I think my aunt uses the same approach with her students. It works like a charm!
Why does this thread remind me of the South Park episode “The List”? (clickie!! clickie!!)
CLICKIES ARE EVIL!!!
Did I mention that my aunt teaches kindergarten?
She must have the patience of a saint. God Bless her.
Evil? That didn’t sparkle with you, did it?
*dons hockey mask*
*fires up chainsaw*
R-R-R-R-R-RRRR!!!
*runs after Leila*
YAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
Uh-oh.
That wasn’t me! My computer was stolen!!!!
*hopes he buys it*
Hmm. It’s a little used. But I’ll give you $100 for it.
REALLY? I mean, ahem, SOLD!!
Don’t mind the little hole on the lower right corner of the screen. Don’t ask questions.
We don’t like yur kind round here!
*takes another dip of Copenhagen*
Merde! Tabernac! *chases Leila, pinches her, and runs away*
Ayyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!
ROFL!!!
*puts on beret, striped shirt and slings garlic around neck*
C’est Francais, non?
I’m not sure, it kinda sounded like Québécois to me.
C’est vrai, mon ami! *bisous*
Language fail. It makes sense if you speak french.
It DOESN’T make sense if you speak Portuguese.
Now where is that darn translator?
*rummages around on desk*
Is that an educational fail.. Public school system fail?
Surprise.
The FAIL is in the original trying to be “cool” by mixing english “Family” with french “Plus Retard” instead of just saying “Famille plus retard”.
We used to ask our french teachers to translate “chicken my rooster” so we could hear them say “poule mon coq”.
I feel … enlightened!!
Wait. No I don’t. It was indigestion.
*offers Leila some Tums for her tummy*
Aw! Thank you ZA!!!
*pats ZA’s head* GAH!
I need some shamwow now.
*headbanging to Rob Zombie’s Dracula*
How timely of you ZA!!!
you’re wrong. retard is not a french word, so famille plus retard would’ve made no sense. In french you’d say “retardant”.
sorry, i failed, retard is, of course a french word, but doesn’t have the same definition they used here, it means “late”.
IT MEANS FAMILY IMPEDER. AARG
im·pede (m-pd)
tr.v. im·ped·ed, im·ped·ing, im·pedes
To retard or obstruct the progress of. See Synonyms at hinder1.
Actually it is a french word. Look at the bottom, I have laid it out for all to see.
Actually Retard is a word in french, it means late.
It says “Family later”
Bad choice for the frenchies, but who’s surprised?
Quite seriously, we really could feed the trolls today, couldn’t we? It’s EVER so much fun! :[
Did you not sign the petition?
i’m honestly not sure who would qualify more as “trolls”, the regulars jumping around like lunatics, or the lurkers (myself included) genuinely trying to explain this image.
I am not sure why you bother posting such a comment.
*sighs*
We don’t need it explained.
Oh good, the Regulars are here. Have a seat folks. Mr. Lurker here is going to explain the Fail to you using small words cause you’re
retardant..ahem..special. Please continue Mr. Lurker.I’ll be menacingly waving the mallet while he talks, just to…reassure him.
I’m confused. Who’s the lurker? Rickie or me?
Yes.
Aaaaah! My head explores!
Whenever I don’t know an answer to a question or when I didn’t pay attention, I just answer: Yes.
Seems like i’m not the only one Avis.
*has been paying attention, knows the answer*
Great! Avis, tell him some more paradoxes!
The door is a jar
You drive on a parkway, but park on a driveway.
If commercial aircraft is so safe, why do you board it through a “terminal”?
But his head explored. Would that his head go explore other sites and stay there.
*sniffs*
This statement is a lie.
This statement is made of cake.
Ceci n’est pas un gateau.
Ferme la bouche!
Pipe down!
I used Rickie-D’s reply button, not yours.
Every once in a while we find a “live” one. They can be fun to poke. But we always end up paying for it in the end.
*perks*
Can we keep one for a pet then? Pleeeeeeeease?
Lemme get this straight… you want to keep a troll???!
Now that you’ve put it that way…no! …unless we can get Brewski to clean up after him and bathe him and feed him other trolls and stuf……
Eeeeeeew!
The Birthday Fairy at ICHC keeps a bunch of them. They’re the labo(u)r force in the party favor factory. Some of them are also doing custodial work. It’s fun to lure them near the fences so their shock collars go off.
*snorkgigglecoughspasmgiggle* That is fantastic! How do we set that up here? *squeezes NS*
*looks at Avis with dewy eyes and blinks*
Extra pleeeeeeasy-please with sugar and a troll on top?
We keep a few regular trolls around. They keep changing their names and avatars.
THey are forced to change names and avatars Admiral, to get around the bans.
*scribbles out “they” and replaces it with “we”*
That’s better.
hmm??!! Ok, I admit to you undeservedly calling me a troll sometimes.
)))
Undeservedly? I’ll leave it to the others to explain why that’s quite wrong.
Nono, Bondfan, I cleared it out with Brewski, and he agrees that I’m quite a witty character. N’est-ce pas Brewski?
Brewski! Say it ain’t so!
Why don’t you like me? I’m adorable!
I never said that! I said you were “playing by the rules” lately, or some such thing. Don’t put words in my mouth, please. And don’t flatter yourself.
Brewski, there for example, you could’ve read some irony in my comment. I agree it’s not always easy to understand me.
*facepalm*
Breski, I got an idea: Everytime you read one of my comments ask yourself this: How would I interpret that comment if Granny had posted it instead of TOM. Most of the time, you’d catch the intended meaning of the comment.
Oh lord, he’s attempting sarcasm. And failing.
*shakes head sadly*
WTF Bondfan, stop bashing me for just a few minutes, I’m really trying to be serious for once here. You can resume the bashing after that.
BondFan, remember the “Thong Fail” a week or two ago? The girl walking down the boardwalk,thinking she looked hot, totally unaware that she had done something stupid? Remind you of anyone?
You too Avis, what did I do to you in the first place?
I was talking to Breski, and didn’t attempt any sarcasm whatsoever, so please, just once, respect that and bash me on comments where I deserve it, not on the serious ones. Many thanks in advance!
Who is Breski?
Must’ve missed a “w” there, sorry!
It’s “Brewski”. You’re missing the point. GCF has a raunchy sense of humour. He’s also quite kind to everybody. You seem to have difficulty relating with others on the blog, and now they’ve written you off. I’m sorry, but you made your bed and now you have to sleep in it. I don’t have the power to change that.
Frankly, I’m puzzled why you persist in trying. I would think you’d tire of the abuse.
If you want to change things, post in the evenings from home, and try to win back people’s trust and respect. But I’ll warn you, it isn’t easy and takes time.
Even if Brewski agrees, how do you pick which troll to keep? It’s like choosing a favorite form of torture.
Whip me, beat me, call me Edna!
Hi Edna!!!
*squeeze*
Can someone ask Emly to unban my partial ban?
Do you mean EMILY?
Why can’t you ask yourself?
Yes I mean Emily, but Emly is sweeter. I can’t ask her myself coz i don’t have her number. Anyhow, you wanted a troll to play with….Here I am, use and abuse me as you please.
“her number“? Perhaps you haven’t heard of this new-fangled thing called “email”.
hehe
I haven’t got her email either.
You’ve helped me make up my mind – I DO NOT WANT A TROLL FOR A PET. Thank you for stopping by.
You sure Leila? I can purr if you want me to!
*shudders*
*comforts Leila* Go to your happy place. It will be okay. *pat pat*
“partial ban”?? Are you TOM?
yes I am!
Seems like a partial ban. It’s onto my IP at work, and seems like some of my comments show, but hours late, with an antidated timestamp, and some don’t show at all.
This is my home IP, which works fine.
If you are posting then logic tells me you are NOT banned or partially banned (which I am not sure it even exists).
Leila, you have to read all of it. Only my work IP is banned.
…not interested right now. Thanks.
Maybe your workplace blocked FailBlog.
Here you go. Feed this to the trolls.
*clickie*
The inventor of Hot Pockets has done nothing wrong!
Inventor of Hot Pockets must have been high when he came up with that … thing.
Did you want that Hot Pocket cooked in a dirty microwave and served lava hot at the corners and frozen in the middle? ♪ Hot Pocket ♪
*RIGL w/Katz*
It is getting complicated now. Let’s just get a kitty cat. Can we adopt one from our cheezepeeps or would they be offended?
Please adopt some from the Kingston Humane Society (Kingston, Ontario, Canada). One of the cheezpeeps works there and is horrified by the number of kittens being euthanized.
We ALWAYS support the idea of giving an animal a loving forever-home.
NS I meant a virtual kitty but I understand what you mean. I will be ready for pets next year and I plan to adopt. Even though my heart is set on a small poodle.
I’m willing to share my kitty-boy. He’d love the attention, even if it’s only on the interwebz.
I want a kitty cat!!! *pouts*
I figured you meant a virtual kitty — but it seemed like a really good opportunity to put in a plug for pet adoption.
Exactly where we got our cat and dog.
In fact, the dog we chose had already been adopted and returned once before. We can see why – she’s a handful. But I’m glad we kept her.
Same here, i think they deserve it twice that someone caring adopts them!
TOM, Keith or whatever your name is, I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt now and hope that you are a troll no more.
Did you adopt a dog or cat or both? I am a cat person but we have have five dogs living with us. Don’t know how that happened.
You need to get rid of that transmogrifier!
For the dogs or trolls or ?
Oh, no, you have dogs, trolls, and ?s multiplying?!
Oh my!
It must have been on its side.
At least its not in the Engrish site :p I was beelining for this page just to point out the obvious non-english packaging from a country with a latin based language (plus retard obviously meaning extra protection … retard as in retardant), and then noticed I was on failblog not Engrish!
However, finally it’s been learnt that some engrish’s aren’t engrish’s … but fails
So I applaud you webmasters/voters.
A place for everything, and everything in its place
Actually… It took me a while to decide whether to post it in Engrish or here. I’m still not sure what’s worse: the horrible attempt at english labelling, or using “Family” as brand for a contraceptive…
Maybe it’s their attempt to avoid responsibility if their product doesn’t work.
246th
Failpeeps,
I just wanted to give a quick thank you to all the regulars.
It’s been a tough week for me, and I sincerely don’t know how I would have managed without the laughter you all give me. A good friend of mine lost his son, and I’ll be away at the memorial this weekend. If you have them, give your children an extra hug.
Thanks again, and the biggest of *Squueeezzes* from me.
How sweet GS!! I am really sorry about your friend’s loss of his son. {{{{{{GS}}}}}}
*SQUEEZE!*
*gives hearty squeezes to Scott*
I’m so sorry for your friend. Losing a child must be the worst thing that can happen to a parent.
I am 100% sure that I would not survive such a loss.
*squeeze* I’m so sorry to hear that. Your poor friend.
*BIG HUG*
I’m so sorry to hear that, Scott. I’m glad we were of some comfort to you this week. I don’t know how long you are hanging around the blog today, but in case you’re leaving soon I want to pass on Dragon’s sympathies and well-wishes to you.
*squeeze* This place makes for a great escape sometimes.
*Squeezies from me and my son*
great good wishes great scott ♥
*Scotty Squeeze*
My best thoughts to your friend.
Oh…sweetie. I’m so sorry. My thoughts to you and your friend. I’m so glad we could do something to help.
*tight squeezes*
*squeeze*
My most sincere condolences for your friend, Scott. Losing someone is harsh, losing a child doubly so.
yer welcome, and my condolences to your friend.
Doesn’t anyone here speak French? It means “Family later”. Am I seriously the only one to notice this?
Did you seriously not read any of the other comments?
Check the small characters underneath and you’ll notice it’s spanish, not french.
*winces*
/sarcasm.
I suppose it’s true, the interwebs don’t lend themselves well to sarcasm.
Sorry, It’s really hard to tell sometimes unless you throw in a
or /sarcasm or /avis to clue us in.
*snork*
hammy is a regular, he just has been away for awhile.
Even when talking face to face, I sometimes have to clarify that I’m not serious. Subtlety is, unfortunately, kind of my strong point.
Lol, okay. I didn’t pick up on your tonal inflection.
Oh. Wow. Is the sign not in English?
*feigns horror*
What sign? oh yeah, so long ago
“feigns short term mem…
Is there any language other than English??
*sarcasm*
This is a *failblog* FAIL
The package is in French and it means “FAMILY — Later!” It’s actually a VERY good name for a condom, n’est-ce pas?
OMG!! Why hasn’t anyone mentioned this yet???
Crap. Now I feel like a bad person for laughing at the French.
I find it just as irritating that the humo(u)r impaired can’t find it funny in the French, as well.
it means “family later” in french
I can’t take much more of this.
When did this all start anyway? I mean, we’ve always had the “this-isn’t-a-fail-and-I’ll-tell-you-why trolls”, but this is getting out of ridiculous.
As in “Beyond Rediculous”?
I thought it meant “originating from ridiculous.”
I like “…out of ridiculous” though even if you accidenty.
Thank you.
*squeeze*
Hmmmm. Methinks this will end up in the Failpeeps dicitionary!
*dies of shame*
♪ Shame! I’m gonna live forever, I’m gonna learn how to fly (Shame!)
♫
Rememba, rememba, rememba…
Now you folks are scaring me. I followed Avis perfectly. There is ridiculous, then things get out of hand, then they get out of ridiculous. It’s just varying degrees and she pushed it over the top.
No, the fail is, she meant “out of redonkulous”.
TeeHee!!!
*squeeze*
Have a great weekend! I am outta here.
ciao, cara outta here-a
♪ Plus, plus, l’amour est plus,
Berce mon cœur, mon cœur plus amoureux
*dies a not-little death every time some leotard posts about the actual translation*
*translates dilettante onto heaven*
This is lovely, Enoch.
Is it French? Gosh golly, if only someone would tell me what it means.
BMW WIN!!!111!!… etc
Buahahahah!!!!
*squeezejam*
*leaksqueeze*
LTNC
It’s french, noobs.
*rips Blah’s head off*
*drops it to the ground and kicks it to France*
*leaves remains for for ZA to enjoy*
*screams*
*whips out mallet and bashes Blah’s lifeless body*
*presents mash a la troll for ZA’s lunch*
*presents a straw too*
Just in case some needs to be slurped. *ew!*
Can I have the nuts??
*rips off the nuts and hands them to Skrat*
*savagely feasts on the remains*
*makes a nightmarish mess*
You know, the part I was most interested in is usually contained in the part of the body that you just kicked to France. Meh, no worries, I doubt it was full of anything good anyway.
*grabs a stereo, plays “Satch Boogey” by Satriani*
*watches as 10,000,000 zombies erupt from the ground with ShamWows and clean up after him*
*yawn*
Die.
*runs in waving her B.A. and M.A. in French as well as certificats from the Sorbonne and Institiut de Touraine*
Guys? Are you sitting down? I’ve been studying this picture and guess what? Those words we’ve been laughing about? They really are French for “Family Lat–” *thwack* OW!
Ok, who threw the frozen halibut that is larger than the pen of my Aunt?
J’accuse!
OOh! Fun!
*Grabs rubber duckie, jumps into j’accusey*
Mercy!
*RIGL*
ROFL!!!
I believe that was Arthur LCB. We blame everything on him although I am not sure why.
IT’S IN FRENCH! IT’S IN FRENCH! AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
*foams at the mouth*
*screams and runs out of the room, gibbering “c’est francais, c’est francais”*
N’EST-CE PAS?
*Grabs some cedillas and runs after the guy making a megillah.*
*Grabs some çheese and tortillas and makes quesadillas.*
Fücking Visigoths!
*çlubs*
what! no fücking?I
I ain’t joining without no barbarous copulation.
Lol, they’re goths.
“The Visigoths (Latin: Visigothi, Wisigothi, Vesi, Visi, Wesi, or Wisi) were one of two main branches of the Goths, an East Germanic tribe; the Ostrogoths being the other.”
“Common to all is a tendency towards a lugubrious, mystical sound and outlook. Styles of dress within the subculture range from deathrock, punk, androgynous, Victorian, some Renaissance and Medieval style attire, or combinations of the above, most often with black attire, makeup and hair.”
“Ostrogoths”… sounds like a type of baddie from the Legend of Zelda.
Link or it didn’t happen!
Oh, it happened.
*shoots the General with a tranquilizer dart*
Okay. Someone needs to calm down and have a little nap. You’ll feel better when you wake up.
*falls upon the floor*
Thash better. I feel shleepy nozzzzzzzzzzz…
*tucks the General into bed with his teddy bear* Good night.
Later Y’all! Enjoy the weekend!! GS, again give our condolences and prayers to your friend.
Can I be yet another person to say “It’s not a FAIL it’s just French. You know. That language they speak in France… ummm and Canada?”
No. And you can quote me on that.
Pardonnez moi. I just wanted to make sure you all know that it’s en francias. Okee dokee? Bub-bye.
*shifts “a” and “i” * Merde.
Miss Piggy, I have been a fan of yours for years. May I have your autograph?
Bien sur! *signs photo: To Say g’night, Gracie with love, Miss Piggy*
Its actually Spanish
It mean Family later…… How is that a fail?
*inserts S*
*erases two of the ellipses*
There. That’s better.
*faceplam*
oops!
*changes Family to family*
I’ll be able to sleep, now.
There’s this crazy rumor floating about that this isn’t in English. Anyone else heard that one yet?
It’s not a rumor, it’s true. I mean, just look at the packaging!
…
It’s obviously Russian.
*runs across the room and tackles Shadow*
*SQUEEZE*
You don’t know me, but I missed you. I was lurking the day you gave one of the best dress-downs of a troll I’ve ever seen on here.
Oof!
*squeeze*
You’ll have to forgive me if I don’t fully reciprocate your enthusiasm…
I’m glad somebody approves, but to be honest I try to do that as little as possible
It takes a lot to get me seriously angry, and when I get angry, I am a cold sunuvab*tch. So, while I am glad that my sparkling, biting wit remains while I am being said cold sunuvab*tch, I am not exactly proud when it is wasted on a troll.
Still, thanks! …
You did it with great aplomb and whit, to wit:
________________________________
Slackness:
Jeez this is so American, sorry about the capital ‘A’ as in Anal. What it is it with your kids and the need to be cool-thru-being-an-arsehole? FFS… cant they be aborted at birth?
Shadow:
What you fail to realize, having been spoon-fed facts and trusting your judgement to stereotypes your whole life, is that many[1] Americans are productive, intelligent people. The stupid ones, unfortunately, have a greater tendency to wind up on the idiot-netinternet and thus get subject to the gaze of your incredibly close-minded, judgemental eye. As well, should somebody who decides to go by the pseudonym “Slackness” (which I can tell is an obvious sign of great intellect), really have the right to show scorn for others’ lack of intelligence?
This concludes Shadow’s rant of the day, brought to you by the letters ‘W’, ‘T’, ‘F’. Funding for this program was provided by The Who-The-Hell-Knows-Foundation, FailBlog, and viewers like you. Thank you.
_________________
[1]: I wish I could say “all”, or even “most”, but unfortunately it is not to be.
Aw, shucks…
It wasn’t that amazing… I mean, any semi-literate fifteen year old could have… yeah, I guess I was pretty awesome. 
I remembered that! :p
Sorry, got a little carried away there.
*brushes off Shadow’s pants*
Um…
Apparently the Visigoth didn’t like that.
The Shadow did, though. Very much so.
No, it’s Guamish. Get it right!
Please c (lit)erature for a direct translation.
Umm…if that’s guamish, you might want to have a doctor look at it. That can be malignant, yanno.
Phlegmish, then?
Phlegmish? Is that like Gelf? I speak Gelf, you know.
*a-hack-kahk-kak-haka-khak*
Jamaican me squicked out. But…bilingual, eh? Call me when you get rid of that cough…
Dilly, I hate to do this to you… Gelf is not Italian, I do not walk around shirtless, flexing my sexy pecs all day, I do not carry a dozen white doves in my pocket, and my hair does not blow romantically in the wind. I hope I didn’t reduce you to tears just now.
Gelflings don’t walk around shirtless? My world is crushed…
okay so like the french translation for plus retard means “very late” so family, very late, pretty much is a translation fail in its own.
… and stuff, like… yeah.
These condoms go forward in time and kill your great-grandchildren, which makes them late.
How late is my family gonna be exactly? I have appointments to keep and stuff to do.
Actually the translation of retard from french to English has the meaning of stopping or slowing down. One of the many words that has traversed from french to English. Giving us stuff like fire retardant suits.
re⋅tard
/rɪˈtɑrd, for 1–3, 5; ˈritɑrd for 4/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [ri-tahrd, for 1–3, 5; ree-tahrd for 4] Show IPA
Use retard in a Sentence
See web results for retard
See !mages of retard
–verb (used with object)
1. to make slow; delay the development or progress of (an action, process, etc.); hinder or impede.
–verb (used without object)
2. to be delayed.
–noun
3. a slowing down, diminution, or hindrance, as in a machine.
4. Slang: Disparaging.
a. a mentally retarded person.
b. a person who is stupid, obtuse, or ineffective in some way: a hopeless social retard.
5. Automotive, Machinery. an adjustment made in the setting of the distributor of an internal-combustion engine so that the spark for ignition in each cylinder is generated later in the cycle.
Compare advance.
Origin:
1480–90; < L retardāre to delay, protract, equiv. to re- re- + tardāre to loiter, be slow, deriv. of tardus slow; see tardy
But nice try.
Failblog moderated. Why does everyone like to think this comes from tardy?
To elaborate, in French, the proper way to say late is “en retard”.
Yup, you have to roll both “r’s” as well.
“en retard” means late. “plus retard” means later. “Family plus retard” means Family Later. As in, wear these, and you won’t be starting a family until later.
Verboden te vertalen.
Heh, I have so many tabs open in Firefox, this one just comes up as “Condom Bra”
I’m not sure I understand the mechanics of how that would work…
It means the infant you tried to avoid (via condom) is onto the next line of defense, an impenetrable bra. (Man this is dark stuff)
Don’t taste me, bra!
That’s not good for mentally stupid to have STDs.
As opposed to people who just have stupid-limb syndrome?
in one way it’s okay. it is a retardant againt increasing your family
I want my retardant to stop fires, not have opinions.
Sure, it’s okay. It’s in French. It is in French, isn’t it?
*reviews day’s entire blog*
Yeah, pretty sure it’s in French.
I think in French, plus retard means later so… FAMILY LATER. S3X NAO.
I think in English, not French, but I’m pretty sure this is Russian. Shadow, can you back me up on that?
Not anymore. At this point, it could be Russian, Guamish, Phlegmish, or Gelf. But it’s certainly not French. Uh uh. No.
I think it’s Swinglish.
What the hell… french? IT’S PORTUGUESE, DAMN IT!
HERE COMES AN UNRALATED VIDEO!
ZOOM!!!!!
I love that guy.
Wait, if I am dead that means I get my 72 virgins! Are you my virgins??
*RIGLMAO*
*forced to re-attach ass within a tight, confined space*
I’m curious… I’ve been seeing interesting new acronyms for laughing popping up here lately… would anyone care to explain what they stand for?
He rolls in his grave.
Oh. Must be a big grave. I bet it has tiled walls and everything.
He’s well-grounded.
Me, too, I haven’t been able to suss out RIGL yet…
Oh, lol. Reading fail. Me fail English? Unpossible!
Which one? Jeff, or Achmed?
AAAAAAAAAAA! I thought this was over! No puppets!! Ever!*
*sock- and paper bag- type excluded from ban
I make you have fury?
(hell hath no fury like a dilly taunted
)
That’s it, Alice is now a furry. You heard it here first!
WTF is a furry?
OMG we’re turning into 4chan!
Eh, I said, we’re turning into 4_chan!
I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND!
AAAAAAAAAA! 4_chan is coming! Everybody get on the motherf*cking boat! We’re sailing out of here!
SHUT UP, RULES ONE AND TWO
Whatever you do, though — please remember that safety is third.
Rule nuber 1 is You don’t talk about Fight Club.
Uh, clicky to the rules, please.
Also, Dilly, why are you so angry today?
Today?
And what clicky, you didn’t link to one? Those are ***an’s rules…
Heh, Zelda name fail. Ignore, please. Back to the castle!
I’M ON A BOAT.
tender young Alice
You better not be, or skritching time is over.
Alice Springs Chicken?
ZOMG WHERE?!
Seriously guys; If you want to have some thunder just ask.
Did someone ask for…
Sounded more like they said…
Suggestive imagery with that sword…
Su_ggestive im_agery with that sw_ord…
)
(Sorry, I’m getting moderated all over the place today
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Looks like a Trojan horse of a condom brand to me.
In French “plus retard” means later, so it’s probably supposed to mean “have a family later” as in “don’t get preggers now, use a condom.”
But given the semi-English packaging, deffo fail.
Deffo? That’s a rather derogatory term! I will not allow the wanton insulting of hearing impaired packages on this website! Everybody should feel safe here! You should be ashamed.
Eu não posso ouvi-lo! Esta é Português!
(I can’t hear you. This is Portuguese!)
What!
Isto é o que a loucura!
É tão bonitinho.
Oi, bonita.
La Isla Menudo ♥
DING LAME. I already said that. (the ding lame was a thing from EngrishFunny.)
Because ninjas and breasts are always relevant:
Okay, it isn’t funny, and I should probably wait until the gaming regulars come back, but this game looks awesome.
Oh dammit!:
OH MY GOD. DO WANT.
I hope it comes with Japanese localization, ’cause they always do it better.
*Goes off in search to see if 360 version had it*
Oh, and I can’t believe this is still ‘M’. I heard they turned the blood down from the 360 version but this isn’t very bad.
I’d be so bold as to take a copy for myself.
WHOA!!!!! thats funny
French. It’s just really hilarious French
errado
Oh engrish, how do we love thee.
Ever heard of french?
Ever heard of Portuguese?
I’d make a joke about wax, but young Shadow’s ears may be a bit too tender.
I’m a high-schooler. My ears have long since been detenderized
… and your speedo area??
wee wee?
It’s the new John abd Kate show.
(sorry if this is milllionth time said)
Well, I’m turnin in early tonight. One last Video (Well, Just a song and a picture) before bed. I think I’ve found my new favorite band as well.
I’m never leaving work tonight. *sigh*
Aw…
*epicsqueezebigenoughtolastnightshaydeallnight*
Would you like to borrow my fancy shmancy neoprene desk cover? I hear it makes a wonderful pillow.
Thanks for the offer — but if I use a pillow, I’ll go to sleep & will never finish that which I need to finish before I leave.
I’m going to be on vacation all next week, which is super-nifty … but it means that today was more work-filled than it should have been.
*squeeeeeeeeeeze*
*squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze*
Actually, “Plus Retard” Means “Later” in French. So, basically, it’s saying “Family Later”. But, whatevs, it’s still funny!!
I believe there’s an echo in here.
Must…not…incinerate….!!!
Everything is comic relief for me at this point, DW. Plz to not incinerate unless someone gets mean and/or nasty.
I dunno about mean, but I think Fail Blog gets plenty nasty. On a daily basis.
True. There’s a big difference between good nasty and bad nasty.
Oh, don’t worry. I wouldn’t. I was just kiddin’.
Did I tell you, DW? My little girl is writing a book, much like you did as a little girl. She’s doing illustrations and everything.
She’s doing one page at a time — she’ll turn it in for extra credit whenever she’s done (which will be a while), but it will definitely be something to keep forever and ever. I’m so proud!
Heehee!
If you can, scan the pages in and upload them so we can read it! If I can, I’ll contact the New York Times Book Review.
LOL – she’s only 5 1/2. This could take a while.
She decided yesterday that she’s going to write a letter to Obama and ask him to come visit us because she wants to meet him and her Mommy wants to meet him. I told her she can mention that Mommy will be happy to bake cookies for him if he comes to visit.
She sounds like a very smart little girl
Excellent observation, Shadow.
Omg…that’s so cool.
I’ll bring the one I did when I was 5 to show her when I come and visit, shall I? I can’t wait to read hers!!
That would be most nifty!
Oh my, that’s great, NightShayde!
(I’m sorry I squeezed and disappeared…my brain has no capacity to multitask tonight!)
Heh – it’s all good. I’m popping in and out as I get work done.
I’ll *squeeze* ya when you pop out.
*squeezes you both ’til you POP!*
Yay — work is done. Now I’m just finishing up making copies & making sure all is in order for me to be out of here for a while. I’ll be back visiting FailBlog sometime after 9/19 (possibly over the weekend, but I doubt it). Take care of each other while I’m gone!
*megagroupsqueeze*
Makin’ copieeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!
*squeeze*
We’ll miss you, sweets.
Definitely! We’ll miss you.
*squeeze*
*leaves Nightlyte on*
i saw these kind in greece and asked my greek friend what it means. apparently they’re the kind that make men last longer. retard, as in to slow down. still hilarious though and i surely bought some for my boyfriend. haha
*snerk*
Now that is funny!
*flutters in*
Holy crap! It’s a flying cat!
Taya!!! Hao u iz?
*skritches Taya behin teh wings*
Ahem. Please pardon the lolspeak … my bilingualness is showing.
I’m good *purrs* but my computer at home is broken so I’m using the extra laptop at my parents, and unlimited mobile browser on my phone.
*scritchies*
Yay! I’ve missed you guys so much!
it’s clear who the real retards are, hardly anyone has realised that’s it’s in french, plus means more, and retard means late. so, i’m guessing they have something in them to make the man last longer
Please define “hardly anyone.”
I think those words don’t mean what you think they mean.
Pssst…nightshayde…should we tell him that it’s actually Portuguese?
…Naaaaaaaaaaaah.
…Or “her”, as it were.
(I need to actually start looking at people’s names.)
ShamWow, please. I need to clean the iced tea off my monitor now.
“Hardly anyone…”
*headdesk*
*x10!*
*is thankful for the neoprene slipcover*
Condom fail
♪ I’m gonna ride on
Ride on… ♫
*happy/sad/teary-eyed sigh*
the producer has more retarded stuff…. (clicky)
I wouldn’t really count this as a fail, since it’s actually written in French
It’s french, idiots.
Would it surprise you to know out of the 700 plus posts above, about 300 say the same thing.
Uh…oh he`s gone.
Funny place FB, groups of people making civilised conversation here, others having a laugh over there, and then you get people like the above who seem to use it as a public toilet, a quick dump and they`re gone.
lol, that would make a great Python-esque short movie especially a troll bashing, in mid-dump
*high five* Someone else noticed.
It’s NOT German and therefore does NOT mean “Family later” in German. Just wanted to let you all know.
んおいｆんりふｄんｇｌｔｋｆｊｂん、ｇｖｖふぃｄち
Definitely not Japanese either
its in french. plus retard (ploo re-tarh) means they last longer. and the fact that theyre french might explain why they were dumb enough to name themselves family…
I was just about to say that. It’s pretty obvious when you look at the smaller words.
That’s the brand I use!
This made me so happy! Safe sex FTW!!! 
DD
so your a retard?
You’re.
Grammar fail.
*kicks Steve in leg*
grammar doesn’t matter on the internet stupid!
Tell that to Wikipedia
besides wikipedia….
*slaps forehead*
Oh I see, there’s a blonde on the cover. That makes sense.
My god, they messed up the comments sections. Comments on the right side are compressed, and are hidden on the right side by some white, and when I type this comment down, the typing space is too long, so there’s automatic scrolling as I type down. Bring back the old comment engine! That’s no good!
Clearly most of the people who are seeing this don’t speak french.
It doesn’t say anything about mental retardation, it says ‘plus retard’, which in french means ‘more delay’. Essentially these condoms are the performance enhancement ones. It makes sense in France, where they would sell these.
this is an interesting topic. Thanks to condom failure,otherwise
I wont be writing this message.
Retard (lat. having slow effect) is a medical term. So it’s just dumb to giggle about it like a little schoolgirl.
So what will come next? If some dumbass decides flower is the new word for ass will you laugh about it. And what’s so funny about the sun’s satelite Uranus?
GROW UP!
FAIL in English only. It make perfect sense in French. It means Family later.
jsufkgadsuygkjuggavbadmgo;eiws9pru983wq4593uw
Those who think this is a fail have failed. “Family plus retard” in french means “Family later”, which makes perfect sense. So, to everyone who replied to this photos without knowing what it meant, FAIL.
I would buy that movie! oh its a brand of condoms…….
IT’S FRENCH
isn’t that what we’re we’re trying to avoid here…?
It’s French – “plus retard” means later, aka Family Later, sex now. The only thing retarded about it is reading it in English. Lol.
Jesus Christ you people are all stupid as hell. Family is the BRAND of the condom, not part of the name. Just like Trojan, or LifeStyles or anything. ‘Plus retard’ means ‘more delay’. i.e. it’s a climax control lubricant. It doesn’t mean “Family Later” it means “Hey our brand is call FAMILY and these condoms will make you CUM LESS QUICKLY.” Unbelievable.
How is this a fail? It’s French for ‘extra slow’, or ‘extra late’
French? I can only safely assume, although in English it’s very fail.
You always feel pleasure of intercourse with branded condom like max pro and other .
This is what you get for being cheap with your condoms
This is not a fail this is just rude