Kitchen Fail
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Cheezburger Network Blog
All raw for y’all
Yum. ( :’( )
i can think of 122 other things to do with all those pots, pans and knives
someone could get a raadeal
kitchen is for making out.
Name Fail
Bowl of cereal, anyone?
… are you … ;[ ?
I am ;[ and hungry.
Toaster Strudel?
*Not to be a firster, but it is kinda cool to be in the starting comments*
And thank you Fuzz for beating the real to the punch!
Real Madrid?
The real McCoy.
tu eres tonto
Eh, niños, sea amable.
*Puts on glasses and writes on blackboard*
Eh, niño, sé amable = singular (tú)
Eh, niños, sean amables = plural (ustedes)
There!
*Throws away teacher disguise*
I’m still learning, so…
*blows raspberry*
*Whipes face with a ShamWow*
That’s it, young fellow! You’re going to detention!
Mmm… on second thought, I think I could let you off this time if, say, you gave me some cookies…
Sua mãe tem a piriquita raspada.
How about a cereal bowl made of cereal.
cool.
And in here you will find the refrigerator, spoons and forks. Sorry, the knives were banned by upper management too.
Sporks?
Chopsticks?
IV lines?
i’llhve a liquid bag of chips, please!
grrr.. i got a new laptop and the keyboard is messing up. sorry in advance for typos.
yyou sssuck
tytypoes mmakke u lllook dumbur34
That doesn’t include baking, so we are OKAY!
*starts baking cookies and cakes*
Please do not disturb Chef No while he is cooking!
But…Chef No is cooking fish. I wanna cake!
uh oh … sounds like a Nō drama is, um, cooking up
This made me hungry.
must be Pundit Kitchen
…or Zen Kitchen
Hindu?
… where the vegetables are cut into one.
Yeah, I lost you there.
…
Beer?
As long as it wasn’t brewed by Jim Koch, I guess (which is too bad, ’cause I like his beer).
*realized that only works orally, not in writing*
What is the sound of one pan in the cabinet?
The sound of a lobster dying?
or maybe the sound of cans being kicked by multiple people.
If a rolling pin falls in an empty kitchen, does it make a sound?
If a rat the size of a dog is sleeping in the kitchen does it lye?
I cook therefor I’m banned.
Be a philosopher; but, admidst all your philosophy, be still a chef.
Believe those who are seeking a cook. Doubt those who find one.
Too many kooks roil the goth.
Indulge your passion for the science of cooking, says she, but let your science be cumin and other spices, and such as may have a direct reference to olfaction and variety.
Love of food is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.
Uh oh! The Lunchroom says “NO EATING”!!
But what about the cake?
*Adds a
to that*
They didn’t say “NO TASTE TESTS”.
At least he didn’t dined.
*Leaving because of the jokes flying over his head*
C’mon, tough it out, it’s worth it!
*one joke manages to hit Captain Obvious*
*Falls over backwards*
Ow! That one got me in the face!
*Brings out the joke shotgun*
jokes, “AHHH!!!!—–CHHHOOOO”
Ewwww! Joke Sneeze!
*Runs to vantage point*
*Loads L96A1 with Jokes*
BAM!
jokes, “OH NO!—That is the wrong answer”
No-YOU’RE THE WRONG ANSWER!
jokes, “Your right—or left, or maybe even up or down”
*Grand Theft Auto’s car*
*Turns in circles until cops come*
THREE RIGHTS MAKE A LEFT WHEEEEEEEE!
jokes, “going in circles—like a dog”
*Cops come*
*Drives off*
*Crashes after five feet*
*Cops arrest CO*
Hey, let me go! I’m a superhero! I can do what I want!
(Omnipotent voice)BUSTED!
Hey! Who said that?
jokes, “Busted—me ouch cat”
By the way, I forgot to squeeze everybody today!
*allsqueeze*
*squeeze*
This is crap, it’s a temporary sign, maybe they’re just fixing the gas or putting a fire door in.
Remember, it is the Zen kitchen, oh angry one. Both sign and kitchen are not permanent. They are both illusions. There is no need to get stuck with the idea of sign or kitchen. Both will be here and both will pass.
(As will the gas, hopefully.)
If it is an illusion then how can I make you a pie MRN?
You can still make me a pie, but I won’t get attached to it, because I know that it’s all fun and games until somebody loses a pie.
I can make you a pie, MRN. Just climb into this pie tin right here and you’ll experience a transcendental transformation in no time…
I hope the cat does’t get him while they’re in there.
I can almost guarantee this is shot from a mormon church. I remember you were only allowed to re-heat.
Yeah, this.
*Eats a doughnut in the kitchen* Yum. Nomnomnomnom. ( ( ) )
They didn’t say:
“NO BAKING”
“NO THAWING”
“NO MAKING”
You sick bastards….
AAAHHH–CCCHHHOOO!!! *wipes nose*
Geshundheit!
*cough cough* I fell sick. Good day to you ShadowTheSniper C.C.C.
Good day to you too *squeezes all around*
*SQUEEZES ENTIRE GROUP*
*Squeeze back to Sunday troll*
*squeezes all* :c)
*busts into the kitchen and starts to cook, then caught the kitchen on fire* AAAAAHHHHH!!!! I’M ON FIRE!
*Lightly Salts Shadow*
Yum!
*Thinks about nomming*
AAAAHHHH!!!!! IT BURNS!!!!!! PLZ STOP IT!!!!!!
*catches Captain Obvious on fire*
Ahhhh! Where’s the fire extinguisher?
*Runs around frantically*
THIS IS THE WORST GAME OF HALO INFECTION I’VE EVER PLAYED!
*laughs and crys in pain at the same time* MWHAHAHAHAHA…..OW……MWHAHAHAHA….OW…WWHAHAHAHA!
*Takes MAC-11*
*Begins shooting glass door to fire extinguisher*
*Extinguishes self and locks Burning Triple C in room before he can catch him on fire again*
*Takes a health pack*
*Runs like hell*
Burns wooden door and melts plastic and metal doors down, and chases Captain Obvious*
*Runs faster*
*Fans wind in Shadow’s direction to hopefully make him go faster and have the flames burn his overshield before he can reach CO*
*Flames get bigger and shadow has the power to throw fireballs and starts chucking them at Captain Obvious*
Hey, that’s no fair! You can level up faster than me!
*Eats a Rare Candy*
Haha!
*Casts big water wall all around him*
*Summons Diabolos*
*Shadow’s overshield is finally burnt through*
Hah! Now you’re actually on fire!
AAAAHHHH!!!! *Summons each Ifrit from each Final Fantasy game*
Hahahahaha!
*Uses AVOID parameter of over 9,000! to dodge Ifrit attacks*
*Feels sorry for burning, dead, Shadow and gives him an extra life, a truce, and a cookie.*
Thanks *also calls a truce and gladly eats the cookie*
*Launches a smoke grenade into room where ShadowTheSniper C.C. CCaptain Obvious are*
*runs in and steals their cookies.
*sticks a traking device on the cookie theif*
Ever play counter Strike Captain? Or left 4 dead? Come into the kitchen we well have some pie and shoot the sh!t about it.
WOOO ZOMBIES!
*Grabs the M16*
BAMBAMBMABABMAMBAM!
AHHHH!*Comes in dressed like Rambo and starts shooting like a crazy*
* grabs fire extinguisher sprays ShadowTheSniper and Captain Obvious out and puts fire out* There you go lads, good as new.
Thank you. Now I can happily cook again.
Do I need to separate you two?. No more noming on each other.
Man, I’m a slow typer!
wow.
you guys should like publish that into a book or somthing. at least make a video game.
No cooking fail? That means we can cook if we don’t fail at it!
Hooray for Loopholes!
Hooray for pockets on underwear!
BEST IDEA EVER!
Or if we don’t cook the fails.
no, it means we can cook anyting but fail. (i.e. fail bread, fail pasta, fail soup, fail donuts.)
Wait, what?
How am I supposed to cook my famous fail pizza? Oh, well… I still have beer…
They didn’t mention boiling, and I need tea. *goes to kitchen to put on the kettle*
May I join you for some tea, good woman?
I love your new web site LOL. Are you the one that does tatoos?
My name is because I’m a fan of Kat Von D the celebrity tattoo artist. The pic is of Helena Bonham Carter in Sweeney Todd. The website is (her husband) Tim Burton’s website. I’m a geek. I admit it.
That kettle suits you.
NO! i love cooking! :’(
Oh, and how do you get an avatar to work?
go to gravatar.com follow instruction. Then clear your cashe and wait ten minutes or so I hope this helps.
Yup, 5_eagles is right. It’s fast and easy. If you have any problems just ask the guys around here. They’ll give you a hand.
BTW, is your name a reference to the Strong Bad Email? If you don’t know what that is, don’t ask, it’s hard to explain.
wow, the person who took this picture could have easily put that paper on the door and taken a picture of it, this is a lame fail picture
And the person who posted this comment could have easily posted a much more interesting and humo(u)rous comment rather than this lame fail comment.
…You get props for properly using an auxiliary verb in the perfect aspect, though.
Are you teaching summer school again, DW?
There isn’t a pop quiz today is there?!
Hah-HAH!! Yes, there is! Define the subjunctive mood!
*cackles evilly*
Subjunctive mood is when a verb is used to express a condition that is false or doubtful.
If that is correct, can I have a cookie?
*looks at Katz suspiciously*
Did you google???
Hee…! Even if you did, have a cookie! Lemme just nip off to the kitchen to cook ‘em up!
Yay! Cookies! *tries to look innocent by conjuring halo over her head*
It was required that I go back to look at old texts by your quiz. If I had known, I would have studied up on the subject. If you were to give the quiz tomorrow, then I would be better prepared to answer.
A++ for the “show, don’t tell” method of quiz-taking!
*smooch*
*Comes in late to class…again*
I’m ready to take the quiz…*snore*…HUH? What? Oh yeah, I spent all last light studying.
*doubleSQUEEZE*
*off to bed*
*ginormousgoodnightSQUEEEZE!*
G’night, sweet stuff.
Heee! *sleepy-squeeze!*
I be not in the mood.
Were that we were worthy with the ways of words.
…but, points off for missing the opportunity to use a semicolon.
Aaaaah…only truly special people know how to use semicolons properly. ‘Tis a rare thing, indeed.
I’ve used a semicolon or two correctly in my time. It’s amazing how far that gets you with high school English teachers.
Oh wow, print no cooking on a piece of paper, stick it on the door, take a picture it. who moderates what gets put up on here….
Same person who allowed your comment to be posted.
In other words: a kitchenotte.
Somebody forgot to take out the refuse.
*POUNCY-POUNCE!!*
*hopes comment doesn’t get eaten this time*
*laps and shnuggles*
If you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen?
If you can’t cook to eat in the kitchen, go get out for take out?
This is not a kitchen.
Anyone with half a brine can see that.
*good-to-see-you squeeze!*
That’s high braise, right there.
Are you saying it’s a fig mint of my emulsion? *squeeze*
Phi’ss total !
…Aaaaand I’m back. I just had an idea. Since today is the weekend and there’s not much to do, does anyone want to go troll bashing with me? It’s still fun, even though we are not supposed to.
Probably best not to.
We actually had to legally have a “No Cooking” sign in the kitchen at my former employer in order to get a certificate of occupancy. I think it had to do with something about being a business without a restaurant license. Don’t tell anybody, but I used to cook my lunch there all the time.
I won’t tell anyone, but you have to give me a cookie for my cooperation.
woooow dorsalfin nice job
It must be a sushi restaurant.
Makes sense.
That’s a bit lame.
I like the previous Fail better.
FAKE
No faking?
Hey guys and gals,
Sorry I haven’t been on much lately, things are hectic. At about 6:07 (Toronto time) on Thursday August 20th, my street and house got hit by a Tornado. So things have been really hectic around here, trying to find a permanent place to stay, well an interim one for now. So I have been moving from hotel and family homes for a few days now. I am on my uncle’s computer for now but tonight we move again to another hotel, until thursday when we can move into (hopefully) a rented house for a couple of months. Luckily no one was seriously injured in our area, but in this storm a 11 year old boy in Durham died from the impact of some debris. Just thought I would check in an see if everything was on the up and up for everyone else.
The pool was being filled and being prepared and well I was planning on taking a dip after it was done, but mother nature interviened. So pool party is postponed until next year most likely. We will also have a welcome back party for those residents whom will have to wait a year until they return to their homes.
-Emp.
Wow! Glad to hear you are OK. I heard about that tornado from family in Toronto, but didn’t know anyone here was in that area. If you’re really stuck I could see if they know of anything available, but it would most likely be in the Mississauga area.
Good luck with finding somewhere to be for a while. I could tell from your updates you were really psyched about the pool too, what lousy timing!
Best wishes, Emp. Hang in there.
Yeah, mate, we’ll be thinking about you. Best of luck.
OMG! That’s terrible! I guess there are some advantages in living in Arizona after all, though!
But seriously, this place sucks. 
Definitely glad to hear you are okay though. Must be difficult for you right now. *sympasqueezey*
*Feels urge to do something nice*
*Figuratively builds FailBlog home for those struck by tornados*
BTW, how are you accessing the internet right now?
Eep. Sorry to hear about your troubles, but I’m glad you and your family are all right.
Yeah Emp, sorry to hear of your predicament, but glad you have a good contingency plan. The blog will be here when life returns to “normal”. Take care of yourself and loved ones.
We may have a house in the area, it was not affectde by the tornado and won’t affect travel schedules that bad anyways, thanks for the offer.
I can’t help but ask…did you make any Wizard of Oz jokes during the tornado?
I know I’m kinda being an a55h0l3 by asking that.
My mother did right after it left. Sometime humo(u)r is the only way we can deal with tragic events. My father who was in the truck on my driveway made a joke that my late grandmother, his mother-inlaw, decided to give him a scare and shake up his truck and pelt it with some 2×4’s. It scared him but he is dealing with it it seems.
Sometimes*
I’ll be off soon, time to pack up and go…
Having a tornado strike would be bad enough on it’s own, but having it strike just when your new pool was nearly done just makes it that much worse.
At least you made it through safe. For what it’s worth, here’s a *extra-big squeeze*.
Thanks and take care all. Hope to see you around sometime in the near future.
*Hopeful look up*
I am so glad you are safe brother. I knew someone from FB was from Toronto but couldn’t remember who. I am about 40 minutes from Durham and my native teacher lives in Durham.
Poor boy…
OMG, I’m so bored!
*squeezes self*
*Goes Troll hunting with the M1 Garand*
*Suffers dementia*
HAAHAHAdsfSTFU n00b aksksdkf
*BAMBAMBMABMAMBAMBVAMBAM!*
YIPPIE KAYAY MUT3RFUGG3R5
Your troll killing enthusiasm would probably be appreciated in that “Inglorious Basterds” movie.
Wait, is that for or against the movie? I heard it was okay. I’d rather see District 9.
*Shrugs and goes off to play Grand Theft Auto 4*
Hooray for movies for gamers!
Eh, answers shmanswers.
But, if you insist, that was FOR the movie
Wow, this site gets boring. Hardly anyone to talk to.
Have a good one
aiushdiauhsdiuhas
Shut the F*ck up!
ME FIRST!
No, YOU go f*ck yourself!
D: I HAS A SAD.
It’s okay. Edward is just CO’s angry alias, he should revert back to normal anytime soon now.
*Gives Alice a cookie*
*Gives Alice the incentive to make 1337 sp33k and video game jokes and memes*
*eats cookie*
Why don’t the people on ICHC, or the dog one of that spell right?
Because no one gives worth a damn about a flying damn.
That is probably the stupidest thing that has ever come out of your mouth.
OH YEAH? WELL F*CK YOU AND YOU’RE STUPID DOG TOO!
I NOT HAS A DOG!
I do have a cat though.
*facepalms*
You know what I just forgot? The Wasteland!
*Rolls out lawn chairs, cake, guns, and beer*
CAKE?
DAMN YOU EMOTES!
Oops! Gotta go do dishes! BRB.
Somebody is bored.
Who?
CO. *point’s to above thread*
Oops. *grabs extra ‘ from above post*
*strolls by*
*casually drops another ‘ in*
*walks away, whistling innocently*
It’s the BlogMonster! Somebody kill it!
It's the Shadow! Somebody turn on the light!… You do know how shadows are made, right?
Well, technically, turning on a light just decreases the amount of shadow...but...yeah, I did mean to say turn off the light.
It’s okay. There’s nothing you could have done anyway. Your shadow is always with you. Even at night. In fact, it’s scarier at night… because then, you know your shadow is there… but you can’t see it. Save for isolated glimpses next to the windows of houses and under streetlamps.
But yes… we never leave you. NEVER.
I think so… It all starts when a daddy shadow, and a mommy shadow love each other very much.
No. Only the daddies are called shadows. The mom’s are silhouettes.
It all starts when a daddy shadow, and a mommy silhouette love each other very much.
THIS BETTER?I suppose.
WHO LIKES UNRELATED STUFF?
Real FAIL! How about go outside and let’s have BBQ together especially Admiral and General!!! Who wants Oscar Mayer Wieners? *all cheers* YAY!!!
Really impressive fail!
A kitchen for sex only?
don’t you watch movies? teh kitchen is for fighting only
maybe their previous chef was just horrible, so now all they do is order out for food…
next thing you know there will be a kitchen with a “no women” sign on it
that would be a true fail
reminds me of deerfield beach. hillsboro rd in florida.
as you walk onto the beach there is a sign “no bare feet”
wish i had pic
You’re not supposed to cook at work. You’re working at work. The kitchen is there for show.
they just printed a “no cooking” sign then taped it underneath the sign that says kitchen.