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and we could make things…. crazy
Okay. That is definitely some kind of record. How many in a row is that, Fuzz? Four, at least. You should receive some kind of award. Lemme see.
*rummages around in purse*
*considers breaking fuzz’s fingers*
You should thank him.
For?
Preventing firsters to be correct when they spell their favorite word. And stuff.
oh, like, cool then.
Thank you fuzz and, like, umm…stuff.
Yeah, like totally.
*like pinches AE’s ass and stuff*
Like, totally!
Like whoa dude and stuff! You like totally pinched my ass and stuff!
Like, kinky, ummm… and such…!
“dude”??? Try dudette, hot stuff.
*tries the dudette*
*is pleased*
This is, like, totally weird and stuff.
*reaches into thread and pinches Arthur’s ass while everyone is distracted*
*accidenty gooses Judy instead*
*is okay with that*
*is disappointed with that*
*YIP!!
*pinches Arthur’s ass*
For AE: ♥
♥
*bats eyelashes at the Admiral*
*…and at Judy*
*throws meaningful glance at Arthur*
AHEM!
*snork*
That’s okay, fluffy…we can flirt with each other!
*winks at fluffy*
*bats for lashes*
Kinky, Aja.
I missed ass pinching? Bummer.
*pinches everyone’s ass that’s still around*
*feels a little behind*
*Hops out of seat.*
*Love from above’s Ms B*
*Carefully covers butt while edging towards the door.*
*Arrives late and is scared*
Got my pinchers on! Anybody still here????
*pinchy, pinchy!*
*YEEEP!!*
It could be worse…she could be wearing the ET FInger.
Or fingering the ET.
Yeah, because fingering is good for the people LOL!
*rubs bum*
That’s very true.
*gives bum a hand out*
*hands out pinchies!!!*
Or fingering the ET
I LOVE U
first to post after the person before me!
jk people
But don’t they have machines that makes it, um, like, bad, to say that, and stuff?
BOO
she is growing pot not food
“and then we could make them into typing machines
… and sell them at the Farmer’s Market … filled with frosting”
Mmmmm! We need finger food cuz it’s food and stuff.
.. and food is free cuz you know and stuff, so I think we should make more food cuz it’s free.
You know, cuz yeah, if we made more, like, food, and stuff, we could, like… OMG! We could, like, solve world hunger, and stuff!
..And food makes you live, and stuff. And people need to live, and stuff, or they’d die, and stuff. And then there’d be no people, and stuff. Which is bad, and stuff. ‘Cuz the malls would be, like, empty, and stuff. So, like, people need to not die, so like, people need to not not eat, and stuff. So we need food. ‘Cuz.. stuff.
..Holy crap, I think I blew my cerebellum out on that mini- paragraph. 0_o
(gets brain band-aid from medicine cabinet, stick on brain-aid)
And it could like be free, cuz all we gotta due to buy the land andpay the farmers — but otherwise its like free …
and buy the seed, and the tractors and stuff, (unless your going to sow and harvest it by hand…) and stuff…
And pay for property taxes, irrigation, utilities, workers on larger plots… But yeah, essentially free.
It’s Dubya all over again! :s
Is our childrens speaking at the city council and stuff?
Well, we now know for certain that our childrens is not learning…
somebody clapped when she was done speaking…Dick Cheney, perhaps?
Weren’t YOU glad when she quit speaking??
I know I was…. *applauds*
Loufail did a grand slam sometime last year. I don’t think anyone managed one since.
I got this one covered.
*ahem*
Fuzz, by the power invested in me by no one in particular, I hereby award you the Shadow Award for Failbloggian Excellence.
vested ^^clickie^^
Ah, whatever…
It must be residual fail from Miss Political Activist. And stuff…
lol *squeeze* hee hee
There shall be no excuses.
*gives Shadow a Tequila shot*
Nana nanana na na na… nana nanana na na…
Clickie.
Can’t do Youtube at work.
It’s the Tequila song. By The Champs.
*fingers snappin’, toes tappin’*
I think this could be the Failblog theme song. And stuff.
Fer shure!!!
I thought we hired some immigrants to impersonate the The Doors a few fails back? So we have a house band and a theme song? and stuff?
I wouldn’t know. I was still in my hiatus a few fails back.
“Loosing [sic] My Religion” has been the unofficial FB song for ages.
Okay. I got it.
*hands Fuzz bullwhip*
It already has your teeth marks on it, so you don’t have to break it in.
Use it in good health, and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!one!!!111
*SPEECH, SPEECH!*
…and stuff
So THAT’s where I put that.
Perhaps not a reward, but should be given a big first place ribbon which has “DO NOT ALLOW TO REPRODUCE” written on it. She should then be required to wear it everyday.
no, “the machine can make it for us”
We, the Gnomes and Elves, don’t need machines.
… just underpatnts, and … ???? … and …
PROFIT!!
Underpatents? Profitable!
What are these underpants you speak of?
Expensive, apparently.
But not as profitable as the Arthur thongs!
I’m still waiting for my share.
*pants*
(under *pants*)
*shares a supply of Arthur thongs with Arthur*
There you go!! I like the colors and stuff.
Kinda weird to have my own face on my underwear.
That way you can keep a very close eye on … things and stuff.
It’s that hard to see?
*peeks down AE’s underwear*
Don’t intimidate him!
The Melty Man Cometh?
*falls into the giggle loop*
*peeks at Arthur*
*stifles a smirk*
*turns glass upside down on table*
ROFL!!!
“I’ve seen things; i’ve seen them with my eyes. I’ve seen things; they’re often in disguise…” (http://www.weebls-stuff.com/search/?q=scampi)
—Jonti Picking (aka Weebl)
“These things are making me crazy. These things are keeping me sane.”
—Joe walsh
“You know: ‘thingy’.”
—Monty Python
You have no idea. I live about 1 hr. away from santa cruz, and that’s not too far off from a typical person there.
That explains the Mystery Spot. Where people are too stupid to understand the concept of a hill.
-masturbates
Public Speaker: And we should like, stop talking and stuff…I don’t like to talk…talking is a waste of time…ah crap I did it again….I actually like to tal….
The Public: SHUT UP ALREADY X(!!
Well, that was…enlightening.
Very… Like, And Stuff. Totally…
God, it’s like Miss (North/South?) Carolina all over again. “And I believe…we should…in Iraq…and I believe…for our children…for the future…”
for those, who don’t know, that was her answer to “Why do you think 1 out of 5 Americans can’t find the US on a map.”
*check*
It was South. Please don’t confuse the two.
WooooHoooo!!!!
Frist!!!one11!!!!
Where’s Fuzz when you need ‘em?
↑↑
ahem
*sees P.P. is Frist!! in line to speak next to the Council*
Thank you, Fuzz.
*clears throat*
Okay. Ummmm. I just wanted to say that I think this site should be free to all people because it’s a good thing for the environment and everyone could benefit from watching … ummmm … stuff like snakes eating babies and stuff like that.
Inspiring.
Thank you. I took Humor 101 in college.
Haha! See Leila?! There’s your proof!
*crazed laughter*
LIES!!
*darts a dirty look @ PP*
Show me your credentials.
*sigh*
*whips out Photoshopped diploma*
Okay, but this is the last time.
You have a photoshop diploma?
It’s fake! See! Look at the pixels here by this “R”!
it’s got a bullet hole in it?!
No, that’s just for coolness factor. I’m talking about there! Right… there! See?!
Of course it’s ALL fake. Even PP is fake!! Look at her picture. Totally photoshopped and stuff.
Obviously. See! She only has one arm in that picture! Oh… wait…
*slaps Shadow*
What in heck are you talking about?
I was making a stupid joke. As is my style.
I don’t care. I just wanted to slap you.
I thought you were able to overcome that urge?
*hangs head in shame*
I need more therapy.
Totally SFW clickie.
I’m his #1 fan! *said in Kathy Bates psycho voice*
I could have sworn I had seen that somewhere else.
Oh yeah, Geddes!
The photographer who puts little babies in egg shells (and stuff!) … and shoots at them with a
guncamera.*camera clickie*
oops … forgot my clickie battery
Are y’all related to this chick? –
ht tp://failblog.org/2008/09/08/conspiracy-fail/
Hehe, I remember that one. Good times.
*nostalgia*
Future events such as these will affect you in the future.
You mean it doesn’t?
*puts away Day Light Savings Time sucks sign*
There is ONE state in the US that doesn’t obey the DLST because we believe it totally sucks … for real.
Name it.
NO GOOGLING!!!!
*without googling*
Idaho?
I thought Arizona and Hawaii were 2 states that didn’t, though I may be mistaken…
I know of Arizona.
*gives the buttery cow one confetti* WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Ok, now name a state in the lower 48 that was so dyslexic that it had pieces in two different time zones until just a couple of years ago, and one of those pieces (but not both) did not obey DST.
Oregon. I’m guessing.
Home sweet home.
Nope. Idaho has two TZs though…
So does Oregon. Except our second time zone is incredibly tiny. Just the little bitty sliver of land on the Idaho border.
Isn’t that Indiana?
They STILL are screwy. Just not the same way as then.
Suzie gets the prize again!
Thank you, once again!
*clears throat*
I would like to thank my public school teachers who taught me these udderly, ahem, utterly useless facts…and stuff..
Thank you very much!
*looks at confetti*
Wow…a spray of confetti does wonders on butter…
I guess Arizona! I didn’t even think about google
I never think about Google; Dogpile is so much better
*Sneaks in, squeezes WN*
reminds me of last night. My parents were packing for a flight and my mom picked up the suitcase and guessed 45lbs. my dad weighed it and said that it was 45 lbs exactly, i said, ooohhh, can i guess? lol!
*giggles*
What would you have guessed? Safety?
no, i did guess…I said i think this weighs about 45 lbs. ROFL
Is it like….the state of confusion and stuff? Because
I totally live there.
Indiana.
Well… half of it anyway.
So… India?
*squeeze*
*snork*
*squeeze*
My dad lives in Indiana, his town is divided in half, and there are two of every street. But none are marked to indicate which one you’re on. Visiting him is frustrating.
What? There’s a, let’s say, main street and a main street? And you don’t know on which you are? Why is that?
I’m sure the people who live there understand it. But it’s tear-your-hair-out frustrating for visitors. I got lost five times. And I have a good sense of direction!
arizona. i didn’t google and i didn’t look down. I heard it’s because there are more old people than kids, and DST benefits kids who wait for a bus more than anyone. Not saying i believe that, its just what i heard.
Actually there are three states in total all were named at one point or another
Hawaii
Indiana
and of course
Arizona
*clap clap clap*
Thank you. Next speaker.
Yeah, so I would like to like talk about stuff,
because it is super important.
Is it good for the enviroment and stuff?
Dude, you get the best barrels of stuff ever, dude …
ht tp://failblog.org/2009/08/06/surfer-interview-fail/
That’s like WHOA dude!
And the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration is like NOAA dude! Because it’s the environment and water is at the bottom of the sea, in a hole, and there’s like a log in that whole in the bottom of the sea, and … but then QWAZ said, like, “Never. Again.”
And that was the end of THAT stuff!
Like, theres a flea on a fly on a frog on the log on the hole at the bottom of the sea?
Ah, hell, WIK.
What I know is now Qwaz is gonna take off and nuke the entire site from orbit.
for sure
Right after we get finished with Hot Topic.
It’s the only way to be sure.
…food is so good.
yum, food and stuff.
ya…like the food that grows from the ground like cows and stuff.
But you should like buy it at a store and stuff so you can be sure that no animals were like harmed and stuff.
Ahhh nice reminder…
http://failblog.org/2009/03/26/meat-fail/ for those who don’t catch the reference
I like to put on my veggies salt and stuff; it brings out their flavo(u)r.
I used to teach pre-school and one of my students come up to me and asks, “we eat cows, right *name withheld*?”, “yes, *name withheld* we do eat cows.”. ahhh, young minds.
But…but…but…we don’t.
Doch.
Is that douchebag in Germanish?
Nope. It’s the bestest word in German and I seriously don’t understand how English-speakers can live without it. It contradicts whatever someone said; it’s “yes we have/do/will…”.
Hee! A friend’s daughter once had a favorite sandwich…the bacon, egg and cheese from…Dairy Queen, I think? Or Dunkin’ Donuts? Some “D” place. Anyway, she read Charlotte’s Web and fell in love with Wilbur…absolutely adored him. So one day, she’s nomming on her favorite sandwich, when she suddenly stops and asks, “Mom…is bacon made from pig?”
My friend winced, suspecting what was coming. But she answered truthfully, “Yes, love, bacon comes from pigs.”
Silence in the back seat for a looooooong time. Then, in a very quiet voice…
“I’m sorry, piggie, but you are just too delicious.” And she ate the rest of the sammich.
LOL!
Heehee!
*snickers*
ROFL!!!
Aw.
*Chuckles*
Oh, god, I actually LOLD and really hard tooo!!!!
“The only problem with eating bacon is it makes you thirsty…
for more bacon!” -Jim Gaffigan
Clickie for his whole bacon routine, it’s priceless.
Bacon and eggs. A day’s work for the chicken, a lifetime commitment for the pig.
(can’t take credit for that, I got it in an email)
*RIGL*
Ain’t kids adorable?
That’s fantastic. And kudos to the kid for accepting the circle of life, such as it is.
wow, i never realised, that there is no english word for “doch”. but isn’t it possible to answer like this
- we don’t eat cows
- sure we do
–> shortening to
- we don’t eat cows
- sure
if that’s possible it’s like “doch”, isn’t it?
yes, well, I do at least, i totally eat cows and stuff. all natural cows…because it’s good for the environment…*noms a cow*
naturally grown cows are good I guess…
Great noms come from happy cows. And happy cows, as you can see, come from California.
ROFL!! awesome reference Win!!
You’ve been checking out her udders???
*slaps Shadow*
No…
*sniffle*
Ah Texas, get over yourself…
(Forgot to change my name back… whoops)
Identity Fail?
Identity crisis.
Damn, Shadow, you’ve been back two days and you’ve been thwacked three times already!
*shakes head*
Hey, it’s not my fault.
Leila is in dire need of a stiff drink and/or a squeeze and/or therapy.
She didn’t say it was your fault.
But she implied it…
I don’t think that was what she meant. Let’s ask her. Dragon?
No, that’s not what I meant, Shadow. I mean…you TOTALLY deserved the one I gave you, but I was just being silly with you here. :p
Alas, poor Patrica! I knew her, Abstract.
Um… *raises right eyebrow*
What about Patrica? Hmmmmm????
Leila, could you check on her, please, to make sure she is still ok?
No need to look for her, she’s
tastyfine!Um…don’t worry about her. Don’t you have a turkey to sausage or something?
oh, well….as such I would never nom a cow I knew personally and stuff.. That’s practically cannibalism!
Hey, I don’t think you’re a cow!
ROFL!! mooo
It’s OK, she’s like, biodegradeable and stuff.
mmmmm … biodegradable cow …. mmmmmm….
*slowly backs away from thread*
I’ll be moo-ving along now…
Lemme steer you over here…
Run, SuzieQ!!!
Gee, that could have been the start of a nice pun-run, if I hadn’t have just botched it up. Please don’t have a cow, everyone. ☺
*attempts to beef up the pun run*
We can’t give it up now. Not when the steaks are so high!
she just didn’t heifer comments in order.
*milks it for all it’s worth*
*SQUEEEEEZES WIK inna process*
That’s a very bull-d move, WN.
I call bull, you are not suppose to eat cows. Their meat is not as good as steers.
Anyone up for a roast?
I veal a hunger craving coming on….
well that just bull-d me over, Judy
I’m sleepy. I need more calffeine.
*puts on a pot of dark roast for nightshayde*
I’m drinking some now.
*tips cowfee back*
*holds out a mug*
cuppa, please? I still have some stuff to do to get ready.
Ooooh…cowfee tipping! That’s a midwestern tradition! And something of a moooooot point.
Since I herd Judy udder the magic word…pours Judy a mug of hot cowfee.
What magic word? The one that broke the pun run and is doing it again?
Thanks for the coffee, luvs. I’m done. Setting up our own coffee pot for morning and hitting the hay! Talk to you all on Monday!!!
*nascarsmoochysqueezies*
*Joins the cow-punning failpeeps for a cuddle*
Ah, Judy – Great minds find the same dangling thread at the same time! Have a wonderful weekend (as if I have to tell you!) and make sure you milk the experience for all it’s worth!
Cud you be more enthusiastic? Enjoy the stock car race!
*have-a-great-time squeeze*
(methinks Judy is nascarleptic right about now)
Have fun, Judy!
*squeezies*
Like, I totally don’t, like get it and stuff!
*chomps gum and twirls hair*
Was that Miss (what was it?) South Carolina?
Eh, I was just generalizing a large population of girls. She just reminded me of them.
They ARE related…and such.
They ALL retarded…and such.
*sneaks “are” into Fuzz’s comment*
*backs away from The Fuzz*
The prime reason a number of Japanese persons have difficulty pronouncing “L’s” and “R’s” in English words is the fact that in Japanese, they have a sound that is an amalgam of those phonetic elements. Linguists refer to it as a “flap R” — it is formed by placing the tongue at the roof of the mouth, as one does in English to make an “L” sound, but then vocalizing as English do an “R”.
“L” and “R” ARE related. Switch them around, and you can sound ALL retarded.
And stuff.
*furiously takes notes*
Okay. I see, now.
You ALL funny, Fuzz!
…and such.
They are our future.. and sigh.
BondFan! Hammy! Qwaz! Help us!
It is a sad fact that we, the adults, do not offer very many role models that inspire our children towards responsibility and present, instead, an increasing amount of role models who inspire a sense of entitlement.
I blame
Arthurthe media.I blame society
We have control of both the media and society and since nobody has control of Arthur, I blame me.
We have? I try to watch only intelligent things on TV, but still it’s deteriorating since I started watching TV. I’m doing it wrong, somehow.
Try the channel selector or the on off button. Nobody is forced to watch anything and ratings keep the junk on the air. Better yet, read.
That’s what I’m talking about! But ratings don’t just appear, it means that MANY people prefer shit over quality information. Dunno about the States, but here it is possible to see good programmes – but shit gets the great ratings, quality doesn’t.
(And thanks for the reading tip. I’ll try that some day…)
tl;dr
(Me neither.)
The U.S. is the same AE. It all started with parents neglecting to monitor what the kids watched. Now we have parents with poor TV habits letting kids take it one step further down the ladder. And I know. . .it’s my own damn fault.
@ Fuzz *Cries*
♪Wastin’ away again in Margaritaville…♫
Take me with you, Shadow!
Pesticides and food and growing and free food and food is good…what a ditz!
well, without sound….. She sure fidgets a lot and her shoulders are way toooooooo broad to wear a shirt like that. and she needs a more supportive bra…ok, someone fill me in on the sound please
She, um, talks about how food is free and stuff, you just have to pay the farmers and stuff, and buy the land, and stuff and you can sell the food at the farmer’s market and stuff and machines can make cars and stuff for us and that’d be really good.
And stuff.
In other words abstract … she has nothing of significance to say. She is a total airhead.
She went on as long as she did because everyone was staring at her chest.
because it is down by her elbows? ROFL!! Hey, food is free?!?!?! alright, I’m going to the nearest market and walking out with $1,000 in free food.
Personally, I prefer to keep my money out of my food, regardless of whether or not said food is free… but hey, man, we all do our own thing.
Nothing like a $100 bill with some garlic butter…
plth! I stuff mine in saran wrap and stuff and put it inside the turkey so it stays fresh. have to remember to take it out before cooking and stuff or it gets ash and melty plastic inside instead of sausage stuffing…
Bad enough that turkey is dead and you have to violate it further by stuffing a sausage in it? Do you ask permission or take it out to dinner beforehand?
I thought dinner was the sausage? That is how it died choking on the sausage that was shoved down its throat.
Oh, the things people do for money…
I’d just like to point out that I’m NOT making a comment with the words “sausage”, “dead turkey”, “violating” and “stuffing” in it. Maybe Granny will.
I think you just did.
No he didn’t! He said he wasn’t going to! Gosh!
You forgot “shoved” and “died”, Arthur.
(um, never mind on the second part of that)
The Arthur part?!
Now who are we going to blame?
lol, nope, I knock it uconcious and store it in the freezer for a few days….then oh….um….well, IT’S NOT NECROPHELIA!!! …and stuff.
Necrophelia and bestiality all wrapped in one!!!
*shudders*
So, would that mean it’s steak wrapped in bacon?
*drools*
I am picturing a pig trying to wrap on a cow. It’s kinda funny actually … in a disturbing sorta way.
*wipes Ms B’s drool with shamwow*
mmm, with special mushroom sauce…
1/4 cup butter
1 pound portobello mushrooms, diced
1 1/2 cups port wine
2 cups heavy cream
1/4 cup chopped fresh basil
*drools exponentialy* please pass the shamwow!
*hands abstract the same shamwow Ms B used*
Don’t get that stuff on my shoes … and stuff.
Is she by chance related to ding-dong surfer dude?
Indeed. I’m impressed that nobody openly laughed at her though. Tolerant people? Iron-willed perhaps (I will NOT laugh!)? We may never know.
Sleeping?
hypnotized
Amazement…
Quintessentially (and quiescentally) quizzical?
quixotic, fer sure.
…and stuff.
How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop?
Do you know how dirty that sounds?
*bats eyelashes*
Nooooo…can you tell us?
It would require several attempts and various experimentations to get to the bottom of that.
What are we waiting for?
Town council meetings. I’ve attended a few and the experience leads me to believe no one there was listening.
This would be funny if it weren’t so sad?
I think the people watching were too much in shock to respond with laughter.
But like, that would have been totally cool.
And stuff.
I think I would have had to leave the room.
And stuff.
I think I’d have been asked to leave the room for laughing too loudly.
And stuff.
I don’t think I could have managed a laugh with my jaw locked open.
And stuff.
*smooch…! And stuff*
*locks lips…! Mnnn uff*
On drugs?
…and stuff
Too many hits from the bong
…and stuff
Is she like, high or something????
She had some, like, weed and stuff, because, like, weed is so good and stuff and it’s, like, free when you grow it.
And you only have to pay like the farmers and like buy the land. So you should totally, like do it.
Like, I totally get it now and stuff. Sooo…
Oh wow.
That’s another thing…
Drugs, um… drugs are, like, you know, bad, and stuff, mmkay? So we could like, uh… ya know… build machines to make sure no one is, ehm… growing, like, pot, and weed, and marijuana, and stuff like that? Ya know? Because the machines are like, ya know… machines, they wouldn’t be able to smoke the pot…
I believe the post ↑ is responsible for all the ads about drug use on this page and stuff.
I learned it from you, Mom! I learned it by watching you!
Excuse me???? I demand a DNA test immediately.
*slaps Shadow*
Yowch!
*winces*
You seriously need to stop doing that.
I do, don’t I? I need therapy. I am sorry. I still demand a DNA test however.
It was a JOKE. You really do need a stiff drink.
Okay … make it a pitcher.
Of what, then? Tequila?
If so, a pitcher? Really?
Slap count = 4.
Somebody say ‘tequila’???
Yeah, so no need to add insult to injury, now, hmm?
Tequila? How about some salt in the wounds?
No, thanks. I’m good.
Maybe just something stiff.
I’ll write you a prescription just give it to the first man you want to fill it.
*walks up to SuzieQ looking innocent*
*grabs SuzieQ, puts her on the head African style and runs as fast as she can*
I hate to be “Thinks everything is fake” guy, but could this possibly be real? Some of it seemed very rehearsed, or if not rehearsed, very poorly adlibbed. I dunno… But if it is real, yikes.
i think she was miss teen NC awhile back, or something like that, so it probably was rehearsed. the youtube video of this has some info, i think. its called “brilliant woman solves all californias problems.”
It’s real, I saw the whole video on a political website a couple of weeks ago… believe me, this shortened version only scratches the surface of the ridiculous things she said! At one point she claims that people on the east coast have slaves….
I’ve seen the full thing. So just because you saw it on a political website, that means it’s real? I agree with the poster below, it got to a point when she became a bit too over the top…seems like a clever ruse.
I was inclined to think it was real – on the grounds that you just couldn’t make something like that up – until she mentioned the Bush administration. That was just over the top.
She has a gift
She should return it.
For a full refund.
*stamps DENIED! on forhead*
No Refunds!!!!!
*goes to restroom to pee and clean forehead*
*pinches Ms B on her way*
Hey, you guys? Since I’m not gonna be around tomorrow, and, you know, I’d hate to like, miss the cuddle puddle and all, and, you know, it’s like, well, can we have an early cuddle puddle today? I brought pizza, ‘mkay? *points to four large boxes of pizza, all with extra cheese and pepperoni*
*cuddlesqueeze* and stuff…
Certainly.
*squeezes all around*
I brought the pies. They’re for DESSERT, people. Hands off.
You must have brought cherry, cuz somebody just busted it. ^ ^
Judy!?
Hey, who’s that pretending to be me up there????
IMPOSTER!!! I would never talk like that!
Oh, but we love it when you talk like that.
To quote Leila, again…
LIES!!!!!!!
Pizza and cuddles!!! You just made my day.
*cheezy-squeeze*
Easy deasy cheesy squeezy!
It’s okay, don’t be. We already know about PP losing her virginity.
Eeeeeeeeeee!!!! PIZZA!!!!!!
Thank you Judy!!!!!!
*tippy toes runs then tippy toes and flips into the cuddle puddle*
*sighs contentedly*
Thanks, Y’all are just great!
*snuggles deep into puddle*
C’mon, everybody, the early cuddle puddle’s open!!
I’m unacquainted with the Cuddle Puddle. Am I still welcome?
*worried look*
Of course!
*pulls Shadow into puddle*
… wooOOOAAHHH! *ker-SPLOOSH*
*gingerly sticks hand in air*
Me, too, Ms. B?
*pulls PP into puddle*
*sinks deep into puddle*
Not a virgin anymore! Yayyyyyyy!
*wonder whether that was TMI again*
Oh, no. A little wine?
*wonders whose peepee Ms B pulled ↑ there*
*jumps out of cuddle puddle concerned about losing her virginity*
Woo hoo! Cuddle puddle!
*dives in*
*SKA-WEEZES everybody*
I, too, am a virgin, Shadow.
*virgin shadow? how can a shadow be a virgin?*
How can it not?
Are you trying to tell me something?
Well, you see, AE, it’s all about the birds and the bees. First, you take the bird and … oh, nevermind.
I get that part, but I don’t understand how a shadow can have sex.
Oh, I assure you, it’s fairly simple. Clickie.
(And if you read the comments, the Shadow they’re joking about is indeed me
)
Oh I assure you, it can happen. Clickie
I tried to tell you… but I think FB ate my comment. Twice.
Every time I have sex, my shadow is having sex with her shadow. I try to give them privacy, but every once in a while I watch.
Oh, now they post my comments. Grr…
*is not feeling particularly friendly towards the filtration system in this Cuddle-Puddle at the moment*
mmmm, virgins.. *drools* oh, did i say that out loud?
*whacks abstract on the head with rolled newspaper*
Down girl!
Down!!!!!! Behave.
ouchie! mm ok… and stuff
Okay, Dragon, now that you’re here, you really need to do something about Leila’s violent tendencies. She’s already slapped me three or four times today. And now this.
*takes all accoutrements away from leila*
GO TO YOUR CORNER UNTIL YOU CAN STOP BEING VIOLENT AND HITTING PEOPLE, YOUNG MISS!!! We do NOT hit friends, and we play NICELY with each other!!!
Um… does it count that I apologized?
No? Okay. Okay. I am going.
*sets the “time out” timer*
You can’t come out until this timer goes off, young lady.
Well, now, Dragon, is that really fair? I mean, she’s already been in the time out corner for an hour now… and this is before you even set the timer.
Make her put her nose in the corner! That way she can’t play while in time-out.
*has experience with this*
*puts a spotlight on Leila so she can’t enter REM sleep*
*brings in chips/crisps and soda*
*swan dives into cuddle puddle*
Thanks, Judy! Great idea!
*squeeze* Thanks for the added goodies! Gimme a cold diet pop/soda, please!
Here ya go. *hands Judy a ice cold diet soda pop*
Bonus cuddle puddles are fantastic. *happy sigh*
*throws “n” into above comment*
*intercepts n*
*runs like hell*
*slams it to the ground scoring a touchdown*
*does a silly dance*
Hmm. No, I still don’t understand why others think American football is fun.
*shakes pom-poms*
ARTHUR! ARTHUR! HE’S OUR MAN!
IF HE CAN’T DO IT, NO ONE CAN!
YAAAAAYY!!!
*cartwheels across thread*
That’s why. Cheerleaders.
Ok, now I understand.
That’s a compliment, by the way, Katz. ;D
She’s over there, Shadow. →
She cartwheeled right into the wall.
Whoopsie.
American footbal sucks like ass juice!!!
Sorry.
*walks back shakily*
Dam! Who’s the wise guy who put that wall there?
*gets ice pack for head*
You an ice pack for a head?
Well, gee, that explains everything…
It sucks LIKE ass juice? I wasn’t aware that ass juice sucked.
*tenderly dips toe into cuddle puddle*
curses FB for failing up my text
Ah, don’t be such a baby.
*pulls Jon in*
yay *multiple squeeze*
Too funny, they brought pizza into my office today.
*squeezes for all*
Can I get anyone a bevvy?
A little pinot gris will do nicely.
Certainly!
*Pours Shadow some wine*
Enjoy.
Thankee.
How old are you?
Not old enough for wine.
*takes it away again and gives Shadow lemonade instead*
See? See?! What’d I tell ya? I knew she would do this.
*Thinks this looks like a great place to slip into the Cuddle Puddle*
A glass for me, too, please?
*Slips into Puddle as into a jacuzzi*
Ahhhhh…
Certainly. Just tell me when.
*pours*
*pours a glass of wine for Bearly*
Enjoy!
*Keeps watching expectantly as Shadow fills the bowl-sized wine glass in her left hand*
*Accepts Scott’s glass with right hand*
Oh…. “when,” Shadow. Thanks, guys!
*shows up with a bottle of Cabo Wabo*
*eyes wine drinkers*
*begins to sip tequila and eat lime slices…*
*sits next to WN*
*helps him sip tequila and eat limes*
pizza for our office tomorrow
oh, and I brought a 10 gallon jug of frozen pina colada!! *passes out festive glasses*
Yay!
Hey, are you old enough to drink?
Of course I’m drinking enough to be olding, occifer.
(A.K.A. No)
saw this on youtube a few days ago. i think my IQ dropped a few points just by watching it.
Beeindruckend, diese Mimik und Gestik
Nu’ mach mal ‘n Punkt!
*einen Punkt macht*
Kommt auf deutsch irgendwie doof rüber, oder?
Möglich ^^
“I personally believe, that U.S. Americans,
are unable to do so,
because uh,
some, people out there, in our nation don’t have maps.
and uh…
I believe that our education like such as in South Africa,
and the Iraq,
everywhere like such as…
and, I believe they should uh,
our education over here,
in the U.S. should help the U.S.
or should help South Africa,
and should help the Iraq and Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future,
for us.”
Thank you, Ms. South Carolina. But all I asked for was the correct spelling of your name.
*snork*
That is so hot when you make with the smart talk.
I prefer horneychat.
Then you’re in the right place.
*throws popcorn in*
Oh! Like that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, where Frank falls asleep, and Raymond and Robert try to hit his open mouth with Bugles™!!!
mmm, popcorn!
oh, oh wait!! You know who this reminds me of? Thanks Jennifer girl from the other day who was yelling on the bus fail!!
*that, not thanks. It’s auto-programed into my fingers…..
Manners are important, abstract. And yes, you are correct! It does sound like Jennifer!
Miss teen south Carolina?? is that you?
buba® needs transcription.
Why did they call it Ovaltine?
The mug is round,
the jar is round,
they should call it Roundtine.
And the Random Comment of the Day Award goes to….
JINX!!!
I think we both are here a little too often, Leila.
*squeeze*
*looks at the work waiting to be done*
*sigh*
*squeeze*
I only have 1one1 task left today, and it’s about a twenty-minute job. I have to make it look like I’m busy at it, though – I don’t clock out for three more hours!
I wish I could say the same.
*dances around the room*
♫ Now my work is all done ♪
*giggles, leaps back into center of cuddle puddle*
Beer me, somebody!!!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
*beers Judy*
Excited about Nascar??
I sure am! I’m outta this office in T-minus 25 minutes. All that’s left to do this evening is throw the clothes in the Officially Authorized Nascar™ travel bag and make some pepperoni rolls for snackin’ on the trip. We leave at six in the morning. It’s going to be a great weekend! Wish I could take you all with me!
Have fun!
As happy as I am for you (and believe me, I am!), I’m just as glad to be spending my weekend watching people make BOTH left AND RIGHT turns!
HA!
Zing+1
*snorkers* Oh, silly Bearly!
You get to go to the Bristol night race? Enjoy!
*turns green, likely from jealousy and not mold*
ZA – Row 2, Turn 3. Our fifth time in 6 years.
Can’t beat that!!!
Watch for me – I’ll be the one wearing the Dale, Jr. shirt!!!
*opens fridge, beers all to Judy*
Thanks, AA! Gonna need all this beer for the weekend!!
*stifled LOL*
Random thought of the day Aja?
Aja, that was non-sequitur and apro po of nothing, and I fail to see the humo(ur). But I like it. I like it.
*snicker*
Did someone say “Snicker”?
That was George Costanza’s lecture on risk management.
I’m more pro-po. Apro is antipo.
I’m more pro pain, runnin’ all ’round my brain …
Darling won’t you ease my worried mind?
That’s GOLD, Jerry! Gold!
This is painful to watch.
*gives Katz a morphine shot*
That should help.
Ouch! When does it start to…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….
*waits in line*
*squeezes AE’s ass first*
*gives him a morphine shot in the arm*
I should get some kind of certfication photoshopped since I am dispensing this stuff.
Too bad virtual morphine doesn’t reall
That must really be good stuff. It hit Arthur before he even finished his thought!
*snerk*
*stands in line for Photoshopped certification*
You can never have too many!
mee me mememememememememememememe me memem eme me em me mememememememe!
can i please have one too?
Shhhhh!!! Keep it down. We don’t want to get in trouble.
*gives abstract a shot of tequila in the arm*
um, owww. can i get some morphine to uddull teh paaaiiiinn. wow, that’s effectiff
That was so random!
But, how are we going to find the crops when we don’t have any maps, such as the Iraq? Both maps and crops are good for the children.
Oh, it’s California! That explains it. We Americans put our crazy people in California or Texas… cause they’re big states.
HEY!!!
You know it’s true.
I’m Back..And I’m Angry.
*Ships TF back to Texas*
Not while I am here!!!
*ships TF back*
RETURN TO SENDER!!!!!
I can’t send him to CA he is too angry. What say you sign him up with your boarder militia? Then he can ride around in the desert grumbling with his ilk.
Oh the minute men? I am more than okay with that.
*intercepts package at the post office*
*changes delivery address to MM @ S of the border*
Good idea Marius.
There’s a building in a desert with a rock we can send him to…
We’ll call it a “spa”.
I never get tard of hearing that one.
*just laughed so hard that both cats jumped*
*RipSnortSnicker*
RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NOTHING WILL STOP ME! *comes out of the Box Then Shoves marius in the box Changes Address To THE BERMUTA TRIANGLE Then staples Box all around then ships it* Bye Bye Marius Hope You Like Sharks! HAHAHAHAHA!
…
*cough, cough*
*crickets chirping*
*holds up “Do Not Feed The Trolls” sign for Shadow to see*
Whoops.
First Marius, it is border…Second, there is not a militia in TX. It is in Michigan. In TX we have a loosely organized group of very patriotic men with automatic weapons, beer, and tequila. They are just keeping the world safe for Democracy, God, and country. Not necessarily in that order. So before you condemn these hard working individuals, think about this:
“Col. Jessep: Son, we live in a world that has walls and those walls need to be guarded by men with guns. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and curse the Marines; you have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago’s death, while tragic, probably saved lives and that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use then as the backbone of a life trying to defend something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said “thank you,” and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest that you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.”
board her?
… I barely even knew her.
bored her?
… I barely even knew her Biblically.
*cries*
oh hell … verbal feats of ‘splainin’ don’t fail me now !
I like your style!
*Fudge Bukkits*
I can’t handle the truth SD!
*slowly backs away from Skratdaddy*
Freakin’ awesome movie…thanks Skratdaddy!
You betcha! Hug him and give him a “Thanks for the Service” from me!
*corrects Skrat’s error*
To quote the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution, “A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.”
If you read the founders’ writings – and US Code – you’d find that, by definition, “the militia” is every able-bodied male between 17 & 45.
By the way, “well regulated” meant “well performing” back then, much like a “Regulator” clock.
The militia has performance issues? No wonder they’re so angry.
But they protect you from the Brits!
Great, now who is going to protect us from the militia?
Oh, right, NATO peacekeeping forces. . . merde.
And today, that “militia” actually refers to the National Guard.
*Claps*
“Well performing” is good.
Very good.
It’s kinad funny because you would think with california being so liberal and texas being so conservative that they would be on different sides of the country.
How long would it take to saw off TX from the continent and let is just float away?
It would sink. All the guns, to heavy to float.
Tosses AE and extra “o”
Thanks!
*steals ‘o’ and runs* heeheheheheee
California, what with all the hot air, would definitely float …away… if sawed off.
*fills balloons with California hot air*
*floats away*
*leaps up and catches Lurk by the heel…*
*plays “Jaws” theme*
*Takes McFail’s spare “d” for future use*
Not much good on tests, but anyone want a d?
Okay …
I will take the d.
You should get together with Abstract and do something with those spare letters.
mhhh, do somehing, what to do, do do do………. I got nothin’
da da da
du du du
is all i have to say to you
da da da
du du du
is all i have to say to you
da da da
du du du
is all i have to say to you
da da da
du du du
is all i have to say to you
*tosses Abstract a t*
*sneaks up on Lurk and *SQUEEEEEEEEEEZES!!*
hanks, Lurk, I ran ou . can i have a few more please?
*squeezes WN*
*tosses “t‘s” through the thread for Abstract*
Mellow crazy to the west coast, angry crazy to the gulf coast.
And here I am, stuck in the middle with you.
*calls NATO*
Ms B, somedays I just want to stay in denial.
Be careful of decrocodiles then.
Sorry, Leila. It doesn’t mean there aren’t also really wonderful smart people there too! *bisous*
They did and that is thier baby in the last fail.
Not nice, Jules! Now you just go on and apologize to Texas!!!
I will not! Actually I believe Texas owes me an apology. It knows why.
Howdy, ma’am. I’m rightly sarreh about what I did. I reckon I can’t never truly make it up to ya, but is there any way I might try?
*snork*
Looks like Jules has been neutered!
Texas called Jules ma’am. Oh SHYT!!!
Texas should know…
Pardon, sir. I’s from Texas, so I’s not too good at figgerin’ these things out.
♪♫ The I’s of Texas are upon Jules. ♪♫
*sigh*
Not necessary Judy.
The answer is 42.
We apologize for the inconvenience.
Did anyone e-mail the Council?
No.
Why are these fails on youtube first?
You Ask Too many Questions and there are no Ansuers
NOW I Have One Question WHERE IS LURK!
Thank god she didn’t become Vice President.
So Where Is HE!
Wait, that wasn’t Joe Biden?
nope, it was Sarah Palins cousin (the wiser one)
ya i think she died her hair
ok, food — and stuff — is free, until you um, like have to pay the farmer for it……..oh, its free because then you turn around and sell it at the farmer’s market…….and stuff. her parents must be so proud.
OK she’s either completely devoid of education, beside the few years of Sesame Street, or and I think this is more likely she’s yet another example of the fact that Americans act like idiots in public.
Hey, that statement offends me!
You can learn alot from Sesame Street.
I’m offended by the “Americans act like idiots in public”-part. I’m not an American and I can act like a total idiot, in public and at home!
The nerve of Harry excluding you like that. He had me convinced that idiocy was solely an American affliction.
ummm…*raises hand*… can I please not be included in the stereotype of Americans?
You can include me in. I’m nuts.
Is this the boarder line?
*Queues up*
Mind you peas and queues, Marius.
I am having one of those days today.
Actually, the last week has been one of those days.
Far too many mistooks and angry customers.
*Takes his queue and starts a game of eight ball*
P.S. Squeeze!
*lobs an ‘r’ up into her previous post*
I’m obviously one to talk!
*squeeze ‘n’ stuff*
Hee!
*big squeeze*
Thanks SB.
I eat my peas with honey,
I’ve done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny,
But it keeps them on my knife!
Why, you’re a regular Robert Frost!
OMG I read that as:
“It makes my pee taste funny.”
and almost died laughing.
That was so… EPIC, um… FAIL.
More like “Logic Fail.”
wow thats really retarded!
O.O I think I wanna shoot my brains out after watching this…It’s…So…Illiterate…
Well, she obviously was put on drugs by Monsanto, to spread their ultra-deadly „pesticide“ that according to them is harmless, but according to everyone else kills you, if you enter the field, and kills your children, even decades later.
Just like their “Roundup” / “Roundup Ready” weapon of mass genocide!
CLAP CLAP clap
*Cough*
Why am I not surprised this took place in Santa Cruz?
You can see the future?
old
ancient
Antediluvian.
Prehistoric.
Primordial.
Archaic.
Paleolithic.
Medieval.
Antiquated.
Immemorial.
Hoary.
Decrepit.
Immeasurably mentally aged.
Un-Young.
Soooo last year.
You are? I’m sorry to hear that. You know, they say you’re only as young as you feel. Try to get out and have some fun, maybe it will help you feel better.
*puts on a latex glove*
*feels mitchumm*
Yup — feels old. We might want to get this replaced…
Make him cough!
Make him cough!!!!
Mooon Rivvverrrr….
But — I don’t wanna touch him any more even with gloves on.
*shudder*
superannuated
Doh!!!
*gets bukkit*
♪She ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed.♫
I second that motion.
Now Lurk We Have A Score To Setlle
*swaps the extra L with a T*
No no, he’s looking for the score in Seattle. Their beating Detroit 4 to 2.
Yes I suppose that would be their beating.
Urk!
*Swaps “their” for “they’re”*
I believe I’m in need of the Bukkit.
Here ya go… I was using it fairly heavily yesterday, so you may want to give it a good cleaning before you use it.
*splorch*
*removes “Their” and replaces it with “They’re”*
Thanks NS.
Is this week over yet?
Sadly, not quite.
*squeeze*
Please don’t ask for this week to be over too soon…the new semester starts up again next week and I’m not ready for my summer to be over.
*Sends Dragon the biggest red apple he can find*
Think of all the young minds that need your help to grow.
NO! SETTLE
Is that the title of a book?
On the contrary. She’s a total tool.
*snork!*
Maybe so. But not a sharp one. She’s like.. a spade.. and stuff.
I love California.
Same here, but not for that reason.
Those of us down here in Ventura are a little more sane than that.
*pops head up from grave, looking surprised*
Ventura? I had no idea you were so close. I’m maybe 50 miles “north” up the 101 from you. I bet you and I are among the very few who know why I used quotes around north there.
Is it one of those “north = west” things?
You from around here too?
I grew up in North Carolina, but had to visit Santa Barbara to get tarheel’d.
I’m inland almost directly east of Santa Barbara (well – east of a spot between Ventura and Santa Barbara). I can see Magic Mountain from some of the windows at work.
Dude, are you in Santa Barbara? I grew up there!
Goleta actually. The good land … buried in more freakin ash. Damn I’m sick of fire.
I lived in Goleta for about 8 years, between Fairview and Los Carneros. I went back up there a few weeks ago for the first time since the big fire. It was really sobering to see the entire hillside burned clean.
You should have been here for it. I’m close to Ward Memorial Blvd and could see the Jesusita, Tea and Gap fires from my front AND back yards. Tea wasn’t so scary (it was far enough away), but both Jesusita and Gap gave us a pretty freaky show. It was like being in hell, crimson skies, ash and smoke, flames visible through the smoke, both of them looked like they were going to hit my neighborhood any time (but didn’t).
Like I told a neighbor last weekend, I might have hosed down the driveway at my parents house a total of 3 times over the 40 years of my life that they have lived there, yet I’ve had to hose down my driveway 3 (now 4) times over the last year just to keep all that ash from being tracked constantly through the house.
Stay safe, ZA…we like having our rotting zombie around, but we don’t want a charred rotting zombie!
The Agua Dulce fire a couple of years back got within 1/2 mile of our house, but we didn’t realize how close it was until we saw the blackened hillside a few days later. I had been out at a scrapbooking event when the fire started — it was tough to get home with all the smoke around. It was scary.
Who was the person that clapped at the end? lol
I think that was pity applause.
where is the fail?
At the top of the page. Use the little scroll-y bar thingy on the side of your web browser.
So What Have I Missed On My Vacation?
Your avatar. It ran away.
*gigglefits*
did she died?
OT Pity Party Warning!
So you guys know how I was already having a bad day? I went out to get some lunch and when I tried to come back, my car wouldn’t start!!!!!!
*Headdesk Headdesk*
Luckily my dad was my knight in shining armor – tightened my battery cable (it was replaced about 2 weeks ago!) and all is well. But really. Can the weekend just hurry up and get here?!?
I need a hug.
Luckily there is already a cuddle puddle that has been formed ↑ there already.
But still… *squeeze*
Redundancy fail.
/bukkit
hi, i represent the redundancy department of redundancy… my name is Smith, mr. Smith
*big Bearly squeezes*
I’m with you on being done with this week Bearly!
*beams Bearly aboard Enterprise*
*time travels to tomorrow at 5pm*
*beams Bearly back*
*gives Bearly a hug but the kind that won’t rip her clothes off like last time*
{{{{{{{{{{BEARLY}}}}}}}}}}
Aw, man…
*Looks down*
Yep, still clothed! Thanks!
*Climbs up to cuddle puddle and jumps in*
Welcome to our early cuddle puddle, Bearly! Today, for all intents and purposes, IS my Friday. I leave at 6:00 a.m. (EDT) tomorrow for a wonderful fun-filled weekend! Wanna come along???
What’s up with that?
*puts away camera*
Awww – poor Bearly.
*squeeze*
*offers Bearly a chocolate martini*
…and a floofy kitten.
*squeeze*
is she related to Miss South Carolina?
That’s a new one!
NOT!
Sigh. Are you in need of a squeeze and another stiff drink again, Leila?
Yes. I asked for a pitcher ↑ there and I am still waiting.
That’s because I took a brief stop for lunch. People eat, you know.
i brought 10 gallons of pina collada ^^
*takes 3 gallons*
Thank you abstract
So does this mean you’ll stop slapping me now?
We can only hope.
Hey, I was sent to a corner so I doubt that I will be slapping anyone any time soon.
Awww… *squeeze*
I forgive you.
it’s tasty! you are more than welcome.. *squeeze*
you get what you deserve if you not care about politics a dumb chick
DW — when you get here, would you please diagram that sentence? ↑ I’ll try to scramble it and make sense of it in the meantime.
I think it’s not a diagram this one will be getting. Who’s got the marshmallows?
Hmm. I do believe the dumb chick (how nice of her to sign her post) is speaking a strange dialect of “moran”.
Think she has a biran?
*sniffs the air*
Nope. No urge whatsoever.
Looks more like 18th Century “Moronian” to me.
You can usually distinguish the two by the end of the sentence. Moran speakers end with “Go USA”
It’s simple: A period after “politics”.
I disagree. The period goes after the a … and stuff.
I thought the comment was signed by a dumb chick?
Hmmm. That actually makes sense. Thanks, Arthur!
*tips hat*
*throws away the little pieces of paper with the sentence’s words on them*
I’m glad I don’t feel the need to create more sentences.
If you get a dumb chick you deserve, you care not about politics. What?
Master Yoda has finally gone senile… When 900 years you reach, remember which pedal is the brakes you will not!
…but fail at life you will.
Unless go to ZA you do. Then unfail at unlife you shall.
Need your brain I do.
Hahahaha. HAAAAAHAHAHA! As a born-and-raised Santa Cruzan, I’m not at all surprised by this.
Unfortunately.
For SC, this is actually quite cogent. For it to really be out there, it’d need the requisite ranting about Bush burning down the World Trade Center and some mumbling about the World Bank and “Chemtrails”.
such as and such as…
Yeah great. There’s ONE friggin’ evening where I can be here and what happens? No Dragon, no Admiral, no Moomin. Can someone please tell ‘em that I’m disappointed? And sad. I even cried a little.
Awwww.
*squeeze*
They often show up slightly later. You’re not leaving us already, are you?
*sniff*
I second that motion.
*squeeze*
It’s okay Arthur. They still love you just as much as they always do.
*squeeze*
I’m gone in a couple of minutes, alas. But it was fun playing with you all!
*TACKLE-SQUEEZE!*
*tumblecrashsqueeze*
At least one out of three. Not bad! Good to see you!
Good to see you, too. I’ve been extra busy at work lately. I can’t afford to keep a browser pointed at Failblog–too tempting.
*dives into the squeeze-fest*
I’m here, I’m here!!!
Hello, ma’am. Long days and pleasant nights.
*taps brim of hat*
Gotcha!
*SKA-WEEEEEZE*
How do?
Wheeeeeeeeeeee! I was afraid you’d gone!
I duz good, thanks. But could you just slow down time for me a little bit…? Just a leeeeeetle??
*puss in boots eyes*
Ok, when you ask so nicely…
*digs to the center of the earth*
*slows down rotation*
*returns*
I think I need to sleep. That was a bit exhausting.
Awwww…theng-kew!!
*big squeezie-squeeze*
I have such good friends.
Don’t you look forward to the next semester? I mean, not even a bit? Work (and stuff) sucks, of course, but maybe there will be interesting new students? An intellectual challenge, mayhaps? No?
I do, I do…! I’m a little worried about this semester, though. Teaching is a very active thing for me, and at the moment the concept of “active” is a touch…problematic. The will is strong, but the body…
…Well, the body is awesome, but unfortunately it is also conspiring against me. I’ve been in a lot of pain lately and fatigue is being a huge issue. For the first time, I’m a little worried that I’ll have a hard time keeping up.
Aww… anything we can do to help?
I’m sorry to hear that, but I’d be very surprised if your worries are justified. After all, it’s the brain that counts, isn’t it? My best wishes to you and your awesome but intriguing body!
*healsqueeze*
You’ll be okay. You may have to use the dragon-cane more, but that will just add to your badass mystique.
Aw…tanks, guys.
*many squeezes*
And you’re right…I’ll be fine. Sometimes it’s just a matter of finding a way.
*mutters “I must not thwack the students with my cane…I must not thwack the students with my cane….” over and over*
*Picture Dragon flailing about the lecture hall, excitement in her voice as she demonstrates her love for the subject*
Hee! Hee!
I am sure you can not be held back once you set your mind to something.
*snork*
The single comment that shows up most often on my student evaluations is:
“She’s very enthusiastic and she obviously loves teaching very much.”
*SQUEEZES!*
I’m here for now but will be in and out. I’m hopeful Dragon will be along soon.
Say hi to her if I miss her, okay?
She’ll see this comment.
Of course, but it’s more personal if you… ok, that doesn’t really make sense.
I’ll point your message out to her if we privately communicate before she gets here. How’s that?
Now, who’s saying what to whom, now??
*launches self at Arthur and gives him a great big hug*
*smoochies the Admiral*
How are my favorite guys??
Things are looking up for me.
It makes sense to me.
You forgot Brewski.
I met him on an ancient fail today.
Oh good.
Hope he is doing ok.
How about a hint?
It’s round and has 11 points.
Toilet fail.
Or you can look waaay up ↑ there to the right for the latest entries.
…and what are we Arthur? Chopped liver/tofu?
Certainly not!
*squeeze*
(Took you a while to be miffy…
)
*squeeze*
Yeah, my miffy machine needs a litte tuning…
*hands Leila an L*
Um…thanks
*hands her an ‘a’, assuming she needed a latte tuning*
*squeezes WN*
*steals latte tuning machine*
*helps lurk carry the latte machine hoping for a milkshake*
Have a good day off A.E. Sometimes you are the bug sometimes you are the windshield.
This is fake, the sound is just the sound of someone in the Idiocracy movie at the scene where the main character tries to explain to the parlement that they need to put water instead of sport drinks over crops.
would be good if it wasn’t so obviously edited. what was the point?
Stuff and such.
Schönheit und Stoff!!
This could be the name for an art installation, a record label or a party. Well done! *applauds*
Totally your fault, AE. “Stuff and such” was die Kunstbombe.
Don’t worry. It was free. Except for buying the computer & paying for the electricity and the internet connection…. and stuff.
# Wouldn’t it be good to be in your shoes
Even if it was for just one day #
I don’t wanna eat food anymore
Is it cuz you’re Phaet? That’s not the way to lose weight. You must eat and eat to lose weight.
Or you can run and run like you do when you leave work.
What the!!! Cool wordpress has stopped eating my posts. I’ve been here for about 6 months and never could post from work.
Maybe it was your name.
hmm. I like you fuzz, but I’m a little fuzzy on whether your mocking me or being serious. Both of those things are no fun though.
But seriously (and stuff) it wasn’t the name or anything. It was my network connection at work. We have a few thousand customers and to the rest of the internet it looks like they all come from the same place, my office. So wordpress treated me like what I in fact really am, a red headed stepchild. I’m also the middle child of a very big family….I have lots of fun mental issues. lol
That was neither mock nor serious — it’s (word) play, Q.
But I am a psycho-therapist, so do feel free to share all your psychemotional issues, so I can mock them.
*Breaks down crying in a rage only the Irish can and screams “STOP MOCKING ME!!!!!!”* lol
Funny, I actually was divided between wanting to be a scientist of some sort or psychology field because I have a natural skill with science, but people were always talking to me about stuff and I basically had to act like a therapist with advice. Scary part is they always listened and kept coming back for more. yikes!
Now I am an IT consultant and happy with being wacked out of my gord.
You know, when I looked at this video two hours ago, there were no comments. In two hours there have been 421 comments. That’s almost one comment every four seconds. I am… simply amazed.
On the topic of the video itself, though… this is a city council meeting, not a ninth-grade social studies presentation. Once again, I am simply amazed. Except in a bad way this time.
ONLY 421 comments in two hours? Shit. We are slacking people!!!!!!
*pulls out whip*
Get those comments going!!! Now!
Hey Leila watch the language LOL. Please don’t w(h)ip me, here is my comment.
Please be specific. Which language?
The “shift” word. Just hacking on you.
Principessa be specific. Which tongue whip?
Which lingua from quality bocca make-a you scream-a?
That word doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I’m offended by the word two, as well as the number. It reminds me of troll brains.
aye aye capitain!!
Here Leila, Let Me Handle The Whip While You Go And Check The Blogers Who Are Not Commenting then Tell Me And I’ll Go And Whip them Ok? LETS START WORKING, BLOGERS!
I do love bloging in the wintertime.
ah, the shame of facepalm in the morning!
*gave only bullwhip to fuzz for Frist Prize*
*slaps FPs on the tushies with back of hand*
Hey! That works almost as well!
…and stuff
Yes ma’am!
Right away ma’am!
I’m sorry! They just wouldn’t get off the phone! I haven’t even had time for lunch yet!
Oh, hang on, I mis-doed the math wrong. Four comments per minute, so one comment every fifteen seconds.
SORRY EVERYBODY D=
We thank you for bringing this issue to our attention.
Now, please stand aside. Those comments are going to be flying by and I don’t want you to get hurt.
*clothes-lined by flying comment* Ok who threw that? Leila? …but I gave you a trifle
Actually, I think that’d be one comment every four minutes…
Wait… no… four comments per minute…
Math fail. Please pass the bukkit.
*hangs head in shame*
*replaces “shame” with “bukkit*
Like, such as the countries Lybia, where all crops are grown in rows, is the richest country on the universe…
# Will you take me as I am
Strung out on another man
California, I’m coming home #
♪♫ Times have changed and times are strange
Here I come, but I ain’t quite sane ∞
Mama, I’m coming home… #
£ You took me in and you drove me out to the farmers’ market (and stuff)
!! Ω
¿¿ Yeah, you had me hypnotized
ж Lost and found and turned around ↔↕↕↔
† By the fire in your, um, rhetorical style
~ Ǿżžŷ
“Fu*kin’ bin bag…”
~ Ǿżžŷ
“Fu*kin’ Ǿżžŷ”
~ bat head
oooohhhh, completely OT here.
This is how tired I am. I was tired before lunch, so I went out and bought a Red Bull. I got back from luch 50 min. ago. I still feel tired and I wondered why…then I looked at my Red Bull…..I forgot to open it… *headdesk…only once, passes out on desk* zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
*builds up a nice little bed area inside the Cuddle Puddle for abstract to sleep on*
There you go. Nite-nite.
*Gives Abstract a squeeze before tucking her in*
*smiles*
*whispers to Bearly*: They’re so much cuter when they’re sleeping, huh?
Is passing out the same as sleeping?
I don’t really know.
*tiptoes in*
*steals Abstract’s Red Bull*
*tiptoes out*
*steals Red Bull from Lurk, because I already posted that I had stolen the Red Bull and drank it down there ↓*
cancel that.
*goes to store*
*buys Red Bull*
*travels back in time*
*places 2 Red Bulls on Abstract’s desk*
*returns to current time line*
*attempts to follow this*
*gets headache*
Here, have an ice pack.
*gives Shadow an ice pack and 2 aspirin*
Yo, Shadow, this should help:
ht tp://failblog.org/2008/10/02/changing-room-fail/#comment-121745
… Ow. My headache came back.
I remember my fail, though.
oooh, two red bulls how intriguing!
Yes, but if you’ll notice, you don’t get either of them. Katz stole one, and I stole the other one. But if you like, I can give you the empty can back.
*gives Abstract an empty Red Bull can*
h…e…y….*makes a half-hearted swipe* zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
That’s a big negatory on that one, Ms Leila!
*slaps Leila onna butt cheek*
What’s with the slapping today?
Heeeeee!!!!!
DUPLICITIES!!
*smiles in sleep*
*squeeze* nighty nighy Bearly
oooh, thank you! *snuggles in and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*
Sleeping on the blog is dangerous. Somebody post guard.
We have a Dragon. What other guard do we need?
Some of us are mischievous with our sleeping friends. Fair warning.
…including dragons.
Exactly my point.
*shakes head sadly*
Too young to drink, and yet I have to be the mature one around here?
Mature? What do you think this is, church?
*gooses Shadow*
*skips off whistling a jaunty tune*
Oh really?
*pats Shadow on the back*
Omg….
*dies laughing*
Can you find those old threads?? I had completely forgotten about that!!!
failblog.org/2009/01/14/courage-fail-2/#comment-243493
Hee hee! Theng-kew.
I’ve heard sleeping isn’t good for being tired. That’s what Red Bull (or, in my case, something that doesn’t taste like motor oil) is for.
SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK
Motor oil is for the strong!
*choke*
*cough*
*sputter*
I think my engine’s dying.
I am quite addicted to the taste. It was nasty as sin when i started drinking it, but now….*drool* I crave it.
abstract what have I told you about that red bull crap? Hmmmm???
to go home and have a nice nap and relax and avoid stimulants like caffiene..
*drinks Abstract’s Red Bull*
*grows wings*
*flies around thread*
Wheeeeeeeee!
“Welcome to my world!
The world of Red Bull!”
NO! WAKE UP!*Whips abstract In The Back*NOW GET BACK ON THE COMPUTER AND START TYPING!
*Thwacks The Failer with a shellacked halibut.*
We do not disturb our sleeping failfriends!
*Holds up “Do not feed the trolls” sign*
Don’t worry. Troll lashes can’t hurt her.
Or you.
You Cant Destroy me
*claws from the grave*
*sniffs the air, makes a funny looking face*
*investigates where that nasty smell is coming from*
*traces the scent to TF’s head*
*vomits*
*goes back to the grave, unwilling to subject his hoard to this*
Not Unless If I Destroy the sign
*whips judy with a elelctric Whip* Don’t tell me what to do.
thank you! now, baczzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Sigh. How embarrassing for my lovely city. I’m surprised that the one with five women protesting (a crack-down on homeless people) removed their tube-tops at a similar meeting hasn’t been making the rounds.
Oh wait. Maybe my city is indeed nuts. Shit.
FIRST!
That was very very painful to watch
FIRST!!!!
LAST!!!
That is so sad. But on the other hand, she probably has no idea how pathetic she is, so lets laugh at her so she knows.
And then thinks through what she wants to say before saying it in the future. And like stuff.
We’ve done that over 600 times already.
But hey, the more the merrier, no?
*takes the cake*
The cake is a lie, madam.
*Brings true cake… True chocolate truffle cake*
This cake, however, is not.
[Homer]Mmmm. Caaaake.[/Homer]
Oh, goodie. I was hoping someone would want to partake. I can’t eat a whole e-cake alone!
*nomnomnomnom*
*urp*
Sorry, it appears I can. Good thing I brought an extra!
*Gingerly takes slice of new cake*
*Noms in one bite*
Yummy! (Sorry… I skipped lunch today.)
[Homer]Mmmmmore caaaake.[/Homer]
*takes big piece of cake and stuffs it into her face messily*
*steals last slice and noms before anyone notices*
*Pulls out new slab-o’-cake*
Good thing the supply on here is endless!
Woohoo!!!
*munchity-munchy-munch*
And perfectly decorated too. I want sprinkles.
I prefer fresh strawberries with my chocolate cake. Sprinkles are good too! But better for cupcakes.
*Sets out huge tray of cupcakes with plenty of sprinkles*
Ooh, nice new threads there, Chan! It looks like there’s a little *foom!* at the bottom!
Indeed. Although I believe the source refers to it as a *FWOOSH*. It’s the character Richard from the Looking for Group webcomic. Absolutely hilarious.
“It’s not the size of your FWOOSH, it’s how you use it.”
… and carrot jockeys.
Chocolate cake sounds beyond delicious right now.
Oh, Chani, I’ve only just read the first page, but that looks like teh omg funny.
Hmm… Sure she’s not blond?
Growing food is good! You can’t really argue with that.
Oh, I’m sorry, but I think she came there for abuse.
But what she really needed was ‘being hit on the head’ lessons.
what miss pagent did she participate in?
im german and i hold better speechs in english than her…
Hang on, you’re German? Then your name, translated into German would be *Dreiten Reich*, which is Hitler’s Third Reich.
Is this deliberate? Oh god, you aren’t a Grammar Nazi, are you?
Jon has a punkt — until all is klar,
I’m gonna hold my speechs with this one.
I suspect she knows she won’t go down in history as a great speaker, but she still found the courage to stand up and talk for what she believes in. In democracies, everyone has a right to be heard, not just those who are articulate.
This was pretty edited, so we almost surely got the worst parts of her speech. She was probably nervous, which tends to mess up what you were planing to say.
In conclusion I would say this wasn’t a fail, but a democracy win.
I applaud the sentiment, I guess, but I fear for our democracy and stuff.
In all honesty and such, that was just painful to watch and things.
wow lol that was pointless but really funny
Now her painfully humiliating moment will be preserved on the internets forever.
Wow, there is more than one.
Yup. I have my own personal one that I can surf without fear of being hacked. Cool eh?
The internets are serious businesses.
That’s it, fuzz.
*rummages in purse for gun*
I’ve had it.
*rummages in purse for hand grenade*
You’ve taken the LOLspeak too far today.
*rummages in purse for knife*
You better close your eyes. This might sting a little….
*whips out a pack of tissues and points at fuzz’s forehead*
Drat!
…and stuff
Hey! Where’s my bullwhip?!?!?
That’s not lolspeak, Perpetually Petulant, It’s a venerable meme from a chan far, far away and long ago — that FB doesn’t speak of.
(And you know, of course, who has the whip, so don’t even think of pulling anything on me, or I’ll get all disarmingly Indiana Jones on your
asspurse.)All your internets belongs to me!
failblog really needs to stop ripping off collegehumor.com
and stuff.
I’ve seen this fail before on You Tube. The complete version is there. This is just too funny. She looks like a former beauty queen who packed on the pounds~
FFS I was waiting on her to get the girls out!
She probably should have.
YouTube – the whole thing on TYT.
WTF?
This poor thing is wearing a VERY poorly fitted bra. Come see me in the lingerie dept. at JC Penny. Sorry, I can’t fix the stupid.
Bleh. *Curses evil firewalls that don’t allow videos to be seen.*
So what happened this time? From all the “like’s” being thrown around, I get the impression that this is similar to the that surfer interview fail.
Worse, much worse. I couldn’t finish watching it. Just listening to her kills brain cells.
Heya Quiet, nice to see you back on Failblog.
I read your comments up there ( ^^^), and it seems that you’re able to post at work now?
Sorry forgot about the evasive blue “Reply”. (See below)
Some lady is giving a speech to the Santa Cruz City Council.
Exact transcript of her speech:
Woman: “The crops are, um, growing very well, and I think that we should make, um, a perfect pesticide for the crops, and it keeps the crops preserved too, because we need the food, because it’s food and stuff. And we could make things, and we could make things, cars, the machines can make it for us. Growing food is so good… um… for the people, because it’s free. All’s you have to do is pay the farmers. And pay for the land. So, we should just…. [pause]… sell it. At the farmer’s market.”
*2 or 3 claps*
Councilman: “Next speaker.”
Hahahaha!!! I’m almost glad I can’t see the video now. Sounds as painful as watching an episode of Mr Bean.
No this is still worse. I didn’t like Mr Bean at all, but there were at least a few ok parts in there. I just hope she never reproduces.
Unfortunately, the likely-hood of your wish being granted is small. But there is always hope.
Ok, I managed to watch the whole thing. Great now I can’t drink tonight because I just wasted my allotted share of brain cells.
*gives Quiet some extra brain cells*
You’ll need to drink after watching that video.
Thanks! I already have had 2 beers here at work. I am pure irish and I feel it is my duty to uphold the stereotype.
You should watch the unedited version that Pooty posted above. My favorite line, and I quote.
“On the east coast, they have slaves, and they believe in slavery, and ‘Made in China’, but… um… on the west coast, the new west coast, we don’t believe in that, we believe in the Union, and that’s what we are, because in the Bush administration, which is really good, um… he has government funding for small business owners.”
And keep in mind, this is all said in this utterly vapid, valley girl tone of voice. I think I nearly died laughing.
Please tell me you’re joking. She doesn’t say that!
I think he’s trying to pull a fast one with me here. O.o I can’t see the video, so he can make up anything he wants and I wouldn’t be the wiser.
I’m not kidding, mate.
I’ll take your word for it then.
*squeeze*
*squeeze* You can’t make this stuff up.
You can, but you shouldn’t. There’s enough of it going on that we shouldn’t have to supplement it with false idiocy.
No, she does. Watch the video.
Any ideas for what you’re avatar will be yet?
No idea. The name Quiet was just sort of thrown in there since I was not able to post. At least for the 12+ hours of every day.
Hmmm… well you can change your name if you want, just in case you can’t find an avatar that fits. (I’m using this post as an example).
That’s probably what I will end up doing. Thing is changing your name seems to be a bit frowned upon around here. Not to mention I may have an identity crisis.
As long as you don’t use someone else’s name then you should be ok.
And, ummm… what kind of identity crisis are you talking about. Are you posting using more that one account or something? 
I spent a large amount of time working with this sites tech support as well as wordpress. They had me changing email accounts, names, and even creating whole new credentials over and over again.
So I was trying to post with many names and such, but only because they said so.
To answer your question, technically I never posted with any other name since it never showed up. They were all devoured.
That whole thing where I have seen people copying other peoples names is really screwed up and stupid.
thought this would be a funny avatar idea for you. Clean clickie. *squeeze*
Hehe. Yeah, it would need to be cropped to make it fit, but that’s not to hard to do.
I was trying to find a cartoon pick of the “see no evil monkey”, but ran across this and snorked! Had to share it. *squeeze*
KATZ!! That’s HIGH-larious!!!
*squeeze*s Katz and Dragon.
*cups hand over mouth*
*chuckles impishly*
Ha Ha! I may have to go with that one if I don’t change my name. I’m not sure quiet will fit me anymore though now that I can torment others with my opinions at will. If I stick with Quiet I will probably go with that one.
FYI, since I moved to LA I have and continue to eate snake, possum, frog leg, squirrel (god I hope I don’t get in trouble for that one by certain fellow failers), aligator tail, wild bore, and rabit.
It freaked me out at first, but believe it or not it’s really good stuff! Rabbit is now my personal choice of meat. Snake does NOT taste like chicken though. The texture is really the thing that throws you off.
I know if I was reading this statement a few years ago I would either be choked up on a WTF! or a related reference to white trash southerner something and blah blah..
Crazy how things change in life…
Ugh! Keyboard/Spelling failure on my part.
*Attempts to throw out and add countless grammatical errors but gives up because the freaken wireless keyboard is to blame and continues to screw with me*
Hello Quiet how have you been.
Working, a lot…
At least I’m doing better now. Lurk gave me a few more brain cells so now I’m sitting here at work with a beer in hand. I wish I had the time to get a picture of the soda machine here. The boss filled half of it with beer and even put the pictures of the brands on those push buttons.
What job can you drink beer at mmmmmm…I give up!
The only day I can drink at work at is Christmas Eve. We all have to work, but the boss brings in vodka, Bailey’s, Kahlua, whatever we want, and we all get bloody plastered while we work.
I’m an IT consultant. The only person in a higher position than me is the owner of the company. We’ve gotten completely plastered on the job several times. Even have some portable cots because we almost live at work. We’ve also *cough* smoked something else too.
More than you think if you live in Louisiana. For the record, I am from a place over a thousand miles away so please don’t assume I am an idiot.
What about a beer tast tester, or someone of the sort who works at a Micro-brewery. I love those. The beer is ALWAYS so much better.
*headdesk* She makes us Santa Cruzians look terrible.
Yeah just found out a couple minutes ago! Too bad it happened at the end of the day. I guess now I really do need to go find an avatar. No more excuses.
I was cringing the whole time
I don’t like fails that make me feel really bad for the person failing.
When was the last time you felt good for the person failing?
Good point.
*squeeze*
Oh! Was that *squeeze* for me? Well, in any case, *Squeeze!*
Today is a good day to be squozen.
Well — sometimes I’m laughing at them because they clearly deserve the ridicule for doing something blatantly idiotic. This poor thing isn’t doing something inherently stupid — she may even be fairly intelligent (though it’s quite possible that she’s as ditzy as she sounds). She just happens to be horrid at public speaking.
I often find the Fails themselves not that interesting — it’s the comments that tickle my mind. Or, as I once said back when I was just a young fuzzy:
“Look, if you don’t have a sense of humor about a bloody, face-deforming, teeth-breaking fail situation, it’s just not funny.”
( ht tp://failblog.org/2008/07/29/track-fail/#comment-48020 )
That was the young fuzzy?
Yeesh, that was around the time I started posting. And when I was just a young shadow, I remember I thought you’d been posting here for ages. I looked up to you. I wanted to be just like you when and if I ever grew up.
And now you know whadufuh better!!
does old fuzz have lint and candy and stuff all stck in it?
tosses up a “u” between the t and c
(*smile* … i may need to dust off my manners, that smiley face is looking just a bit more lecherous than I intended!)
I wonder if she knows the surfer ‘dude’ from a few fails ago. If not, someone should introduce them. They may get along pretty well
It could also bring us one step closer to “Idiocracy”.
Maybe she just needed some electrolytes… It’s what the body craves.
…and stuff.
……….and more stuff.
And food too, because food is like, good… And stuff.
(She shouldn’t need it though… With it being free and all.)
I really need to find that movie so I can watch it again and stuff because like there are no problems with the farmers and the land and stuff and, and, ….stuff?
I just watched that movie the other day. It’s funny, because I wanted to watch it so badly, until I was actually watching it. The beginning is funny, but after about 30 minutes, it’s just ridiculous.
Yeah your probably right. I’m “notsure” but this might be one of those “I remebered it being a lot better than it now seems to be” nastalgic moments.
Come to think of it, I may have just screwed up on my little name reference there since it’s been so long since I saw it.
Joe and Rita had three children, the three smartest kids in the world. Vice President Frito took 8 wives and had a total of 32 kids. Thirty-two of the dumbest kids ever to walk the Earth. OK, so maybe Joe didn’t save mankind, but he got the ball rolling, and that’s pretty good for an average guy.
But what happened to Upgrayyyed?
He has two D’s in his name. Like a “Double Dose” of his pimpage.
And she is the reason universal sufferage is great in theory, but in practice, has some wrinkles to iron out. She sounds like a failed beauty-pageant contestant with no collected thoughts and barely enough words between the “likes” “uhms” and “uh’s” to make a single sentence. I was half-waiting for the “SOCILIZMZ R GUD 4 HOUR NASHUN ALSO AS WELL” remarks. Methinks some kind of intelligence should be required of voters/those who take part in our political system.
You know what, Eddie, we have that. It is called a citizenship test. 50 questions that if you can’t answer, you can’t vote. If you can’t answer, study until you get it right.
And for those who think everyone, no matter how stupid gets to vote:
So, if 67 ppl out of 100 voted that is is legal to kill 6 year old girls, does that make it right? Welll, sometimes… when they go on to a career with Disney.
We don’t have a full-on citizenship test. That’s only for those coming in. If you’re born here, guess what? Instant 100%. Your “being born in the USA” doesn’t automatically make you smart enough to make decisions that affect the US as a whole, much like popping out a child doesn’t make a person a good mother.
As for the “everyone no matter how stupid gets to vote”… everyone, no matter how stupid, also gets to attempt to influence the general populace. The worst part? These days, people believe whatever they see/hear/read, and IQ’s are dropping steadily. I’m watching kids in high school now, and thinking: “Sweet shit, I wasn’t that retarded.” I’ve only been out of high school for 5 years. I blame a general breakdown of government as a whole.
And – seeing as we are a government of the people, by the people, and for the people, it all boils down to general human stupidity exemplified in the wonderful specimin in this video.
This video was good, cuz it was fail and stuff, also it was funny, it was funny hilarious.
Your comment was bad, cuz it was fail and stuff, also it was dumb, it was dumb stupid.
Hey Qwaz! Yeah that was pretty stupid… and stuff.
Be nice, Qwaz. *gives Qwaz a stern look*
*Shrinks back*
Yes Ma’am…
Thank you! *squeeze*
First rule of flirt club — do not talk about Katz’ hot new avatar.
don’t mention it : )
I’ve been dying to ask where/who that avatar comes from because “WOWZA!!!!”
*Imitates ACME cartoon steam shooting out of ears*
I do believe it is Helena Bonham Carter from the movie Sweeny Todd.
Good call. I was thinking the same thing.
I do believe Dragon is correct. It’s not like her to guess incorrectly.
Helena Bonham Carter was born to play Bellatrix Lestrange, though.
Really? I’ve never even heard of that one. I fail again?? If I had to guess I might have thought the woman from “Fight Club” maybe?…
Um…that’s the same woman. Helena Bonham Carter.
*gives Quiet a cookie*
Oh…. I’m horrible with actors names. I can name every major character from a movie I’ve seen, but I never know the actors real name.
*Retreats to a dark corner and quietly munches on cookie*
What exactly is she speakingin favor of….othe than “food and stuff” Farmers? I don’t get it.
ROFL!! Look at the guy in the background sitting on the bench behind her. It changes angles after a second and you see this “Is this woman retarded or on drugs” expression on his face.
We like to call it the “Whadufuh?” Face.
Things are really starting to slow down here. I could really use a new fail right about now to kick things back into gear again.
I wish the Powers That Be would give us a later fail too. It would be more fun.
But it makes the bonus fails so much more special when we get them!
I know, but the evenings can be a bit slow around here. If we had a late fail (5pm Fail Time) say, it would be a wonderful thing!
Yeah, but people would still need to eat dinner and actually spend some time with their families in the evening, so it would still be slow, I suspect.
Family? Psh… who needs ‘em? I have Failblog.
Grrrr!!!! You beat me by, like, 2 seconds or something.
Great minds think alike
So it would seem. *squeeze*:)
Oi! who took my smiley!
Except for the people who don’t have families and eat their dinner in front of a PC screen.
Or the people who do have families and eat their dinner in front of a PC screen anyway…
I feel sorry for those people.
Or the people who do eat their families on a PC screen…
I’m screaming at you, Zapox Ellipse!!
Well sure if you have a family. Rub it in why don’t you?!? J/K There really should be another punctuation mark for sarcasm since we have so much of it. I was caught posting for the first time just a few days ago. We still have activity here late at night.
You tech English/Grammar or something along that line don’t you?
Uh Oh! I’m way behind….. D*MN you “F5″ key!!!!!
*chuckle*
I teach English literature, not grammar, and I teach writing. At the university level, it’s expected that students already know grammar. Those who don’t…well, they have something of a struggle on their hands.
Amen, Avis! We need more FB postings! And we want them reasonably soon!
*hopes that Powers-That-Be do not strike her down*
What do we want? MORE FAILS!
When do we want them? WITHIN A REASONABLE AMOUNT OF TIME SO AS TO ALLOW FOR SUFFICIENT LOLS TO BUILD UP ON ONE FAIL, AND HAVE ANOTHER FAIL APPEAR AS THE FIRST FAIL STARTS TO WIND DOWN!
The “Great minds” Crowd…
You’re a wordy little malcontent, aren’t you?
Clickie!
I ♥ xkcd.
I think every geek on the planet reads XKCD. Occasionally I have to read the XKCD blog to understand the joke. I like that. Randall is not afraid to aim high.
I knooooooooooooooow! I love it when I learn stuff from my *snork*s.
…And stuff.
Yep, I’ve definitely had to Wiki or google a few – what always amazes me is how quickly the xkcd geeks link to the comics on Wikipedia! It’s amazing – there is always a link to the comic in the “pop culture” section before I even get there!
Ahem. Blag.
And Admiral, are you therefore calling me a geek? That’s… that’s… pretty spot-on. Hehe!
Heee!
*squeezes Bearly*
You’re too cute for words, sweetie!
Aww, shucks! Thanks!
*Enthusiastically returns Dragon’s squeeze*
Honestly, I have to hold myself back from linking to xkcd every five fails or so, but sometimes it’s just too perfect for words.
Pffft! No need to hold back…link away! I’m always happy to reread my favo(u)rite stick-figure webcomic.
Oh, blag, of course! How forgetful of me.
*secret geek squeezes*
I’ve never come across xkcd. I’ve added it to my comic strip bookmarks folder. Thanks.
I had never seen it, either.
Hmm… I have made a personal fail by not having the slightest clue about XKCD. I don’t even know what it stands for! I have FAILED!!
*SCREAMING LIKE THE DUDE IN THE OLD SCHOOL MONKEY FILM “B**TARDS YOU BLEW IT UP D**N YOU!!” style.
Really though I am the epitome of nerd and have pretty much always known exactly what reference was being made in all the pages of failblog, but I was lost on XKCD.
Man I feel more depressed than qwaz, I’m even a “squeeze virgin”. Never thought I’de be the “virgin guy” HELP!!!!!!!!!
ROFL!
Hehe! I could totally see myself making those signs, too!
Did you also mouse-over for the additional text (or right-click and go to “properties”)?
Hehe, no. But I did now. That’s… cute.
Although, I was looking through the archives…
I have to say, I don’t approve of the Oregon one. We aren’t that useless/boring… are we?
I guess we are, then, huh?
Hmmmm.
I lowered my hat to this… Not in the good way…
Maybe if we all promise to buy stuff from the store…we could get more FB posts? What do you think? Throw a little money at the problem?
Or we could put the money in the free food. Say… $1000?
That way you get a better-than-free lunch.
Wasn’t this ALREADY posted a few months ago?!
Wow… Hadn’t come around much in a while… Things haven’t gotten very ghey here…
What the hell happened?
That didn’t even include the best part of her speech.
“Fruit trees…and…vegetable trees…”
This ladies and gentleman is your next U.S. Senator!
We Need More Lemon Pledge D:
Captain Obvious would like to submit his school paper because he is bored:
Why you don’t mess with Texas
For the purposes of this story, Texas was made in the time of the Gods. Texas was founded by a bunch of people from Greece who spent too much time in the sun and their necks got red. They somehow made the trip to the Americas and killed all the Indians there using their rudimentary technology. During this long and difficult voyage, which may have taken anywhere from 20-42 years, they became stronger, and later generations could have been considered super-human. They ended up between modern day Mexico and United States. They looked around them and saw the ridiculous amount of desert and uselessness and decided it would be the perfect place to make a city.
The Gods on Mount Olympus stopped their bickering for just a moment about whether to create Jews or not, and looked upon this momentous achievement of super-humans with red necks. Then the God of Bacon, Baconius, made it rain bacon on their great city to give them strength forever. Texas’ scientists reverse engineered the bacon so that they could make it themselves and discover its secret. A great many pork families went extinct that day. They used their bacon to create a super-special-awesome-human to protect them from guns, though they didn’t know what guns were or how to make them. However, in a freak experiment, they created Chuck Norris, a man who melted the faces of the scientists. Chuck Norris came in with two Uzis, and then brought guns to Texas, and legalized them in bars, which could be regarded as the smartest decision ever made by anyone, ever. The Texans built their culture based off of Chuck Norris, and became a bunch of Jew-hating, Democrat-hating, Racist, Gun-loving bas-I mean, civilized people.
Now, one day some thousand years into the future, a bunch of European people with bad teeth and who really liked limes came during the Texans’ breakfast of 3 cows and Orange Jews. They built some crazy idea called the United States that would never work. Then they decided they didn’t like the perfect grasslands and mild climate of the East, and wanted to move out where there was no food, nowhere to live, and the Sun burned your skin so bad it felt like your soul was melting. They called this the Great West. The Europeans decided that they wanted to take over the desert land of Texas, even though there was absolutely no resource value in the area. They came with their guns and their horses and their bad teeth and started terrorizing the people. But Chuck Norris came and round-house kicked all 10,000 of them back to China where the Europeans came from. Then the Europeans sent a squad of robot ninja nuns to carry explosives and shout “Allah!” and explode in Chuck Norris’ face. But Chuck Norris shot them with his Uzis in the face before they could get close enough to explode in his face. To finish them off, Chuck Norris nuked China, where the British people came from, to end the war.
In the end, the Gods on Mount Olympus paused their keg party for a minute to laugh at the futility of this story. They, with their God eyes, can see the impending red “F” that will soon be drawn on this white paper. But then Chuck Norris got mad and filled his 4×4 with C4, and he drove it into Mount Olympus and set the bombs off. But Chuck Norris is invincible, so he survived the blast, and turned Mount Olympus into Bacon Taco land where he ruled over Texas forever and protected it from the Jews that threatened those with red necks. And that’s why you don’t mess with Texas. Because Chuck Norris will come and round-house kick everything you love and care for.
Dang, man. I’ll read it when school starts back up for inspiration or something. Too long for now.
Ugh… Lucky. I had to start mid-July. I haven’t been able to play video games all week because of all of my honors homework. But come on. It’s funny.
Wait. I saw Chuck Norris. Just a sec.
What… What is this paper for?
It’s for our own Myth to be created. So did you like it? Did you lol’d?
DidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidjaDidja?
*Waits enthusiastically*
It’s obviously fun fantasy myth, but I’d excise the anti-Semitic Jewish references and substitute something like Aliens or Horned Toads … not that there’s anything wrong with Horny Toads.
I hear they’re a wild ride.
You’re thinking of Tornado Holds.
It’s okay, my history teacher has a sense of humor, unlike most of my teachers.
It’s obviously fun fantasy myth, but I’d excise the anti-Sem!tic Jew!sh references and substitute something like Aliens or Horned Toads … not that there’s anything wrong with Horny Toads.
… and write it twice, apparently
First I lol’d. Then I serious’d. Then I lol’d again.
Speaking of which, I’ve never caught what year in your schooling journey you’re on.
Freashman in High School, though I technically shouldn’t be telling you that, on the off chance you’re a pedobear.
Sweet! Someone my own age here. Well, in the same grade, at least.
Good one! A bit overdone, but good. You did however forget that Chuck Norris is so tuff that behind his beard is not a chin, but another fist!
lol. Don’t even really care for the guy. I think his time is done and gone, but who can forget a legend that will kick your *ss from beyond the grave!?
…Unless you know ZA that is…WAIT THAT’s IT!! ZA combined with Chuck Norris! “‘”THE Ultimate Weapon!”‘”
Yet another very quiet comment by Quiet.
That’s definitely going to get an A for originality.
Forgot to change my name back. I failed.
That woman’s a born leader! I understand Alaska’s looking for a new governor.
FIRST!
If you switch Dave and first around, then I think you’ll be closer to the truth.
I too yell “DAVE!” When I want to troll a website.
Wait-a-second… you troll other websites??!!!
BAD QUAZ!!! 
No, Calm down. I don’t troll websites. It just fit in with the joke
I was JK Quaz, I know you wouldn’t do that.
*squeeze*
*Remembers antics on Runescape 3 years ago*
Nope. Not me.
Oh. And *Squeeze*
Ahhh…memories of the times when people always talked about runescape.
*tries to get memories cleared out*
Not my better days, that’s for sure.
Played it for one night, and then thought to myself, “why am I doing this?”
Played it for a year and a half, then thought to myself, “What the hell is WRONG with me?”
One of my friends went on it recently, and there were still people on there with their uber-leveled characters and such.
Got myself into a similar addiction with Travian a year ago, and now everytime I think about something along the lines of “World of Warcraft looks kinda cool, maybe I should try,” travian memories pop out and shoo out any ideas of continual online games that require more attention than Dragonadopters.
DAVE!!!111!1!11!
Jenny! How was your travelling?
*Sleep Deprivation sets in*
Man, it’s been a hard night. Lots of homework.
*squeezes all*
Is she related to Miss South Carolina????
This is just…so painful to watch.
Public Speaking Fail indeed. She has my sympathies.
I thought she did OK.
Poise, and grace, and she delivered the lines I wrote for her just perfectly, without a single slipup.
I’m so proud of her.
Next week, we’re doing Shakespeare together.
And stuff.
Is this like a dagger I see before me, and stuff?
Americans
the one clap at the end made it for me. best video of fail ever.
…..wow, this lady is almost as much of a dimwit as Sarah Palin.
cool Sarah Palin Died her hair.
America impersonated!
Did you mean “personified”, idiot?
Nope, I did not
Yeah! I agree, let’s make things out of cops and turn them into cars because they’ll make things for us which is good for the people!
Council: Yes, thank you!
Crowd: -silence-
Person in crowd: **claps once**
Wow 1,000 + Failures in communication! Haven’t seen this since The Rainbow Conspiricy
Wow she SO forgot to look at…um…write some note cards.
This is nothing, I’ve seen the whole thing! She goes on to say how the East coast believes in slavery. Frickin idiot
OMG. i HAVE to see that.
I think she got a wiff of those pesticides and thats why shes talking all that nonesense.She’s high on pesticides
She’s high on pesticides
Attention !! Captain Obviously Retarded has something to say !
It’s not just in the town. Residents hate the students up at the university for many things, but they should know that, in the closed, isolated pressure cooker of UCSC there are people who go BAT SHIT INSANE. With no one to challenge their conspiracy theories they elevate to an even crazier level, fueled by drugs and self righteousness. Protests for most people have become a fad and an excuse to get out of class while feeling smug about yourself. If people put half the energy they use TALKING about their grievances into actually DOING something to change the world it might be different.
painful.
And she’s not even cute enough to be that dumb.
Yes 1,080 spot I got it last word in.
There is absolutely no doubt that she voted for Obama.
I feel dumber just because I saw that.
What a bumbling idiot.
Goddamn americans…
i think i got dumber listening to her talk.
three claps at the end FTW
Reminds me of Miss South Carolina 2007 LMFAO
How tragic to have one of those moments that make you cringe, one of those moments that you just wish a hole would open up so that you might crawl into it, captured on film to be shared with the rest of the piss taking world. Well done camera dude.
So like um, we could like totaly do things & stuff, with like farmers & cars & it’s totaly free, OMG fur shur!
The sad thing is, I LIVE in Santa Cruz county. I promise, we’re not all like that.
it’s free! all you have to do is pay the farmers… and pay for the land…
Your web site is beautiful. I wish you continued success.
I don’t know…is growing food good for people?
大阪のリサイクルショップ買取・引取り出張サービス実施中！
I wanna know her dealer. He’s got the stickiest of the icky. It had to be her stoner friend clapping at the end….” Dat’s right Alicia !! ( clap , clap ) , STICK IT TO DUH MAN !! ” Did you see see the guy in the background ? He was like, ” who let you in here? “
She’s giving Miss South Carolina a run for her money
nice
0
I’ve seen this before.
Here’s an extended version of her fail: http://alifeinpages.blogspot.com/2009/07/slaves-on-east-coast.html
“On the east coast, they have slaves” xDDDDD
I’d do her.
i love how its like clap clap clap -dead silence-
Don’t know what she wanted to say…
Somebody buy that poor girl a good bra!
+1
if you have been to santa cruz, you would understand
She must pe executed, burned alive, tortured and then, if it’s still an option, she must tell this story again.