The following is a real ad from Craiglist’s “Free” section that’s not at all really “free”. They are preserved for the lulz on ItemNotAsDescribed.com. Do people really fall/fail for this “OMG Free!” nonsense?
Free Bited never used it. e-mail me for address,thnx
See more Fail-worthy “freebies” on ItemNotAsDescribed.com:
Free Dreadlocks to a good home
Do all the work and we won’t even have to pay to get it off our property!
-
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Copy & paste this:
First ehhhhh i dont get it
SECOND!
And watch the flames… Commence…
Third.
What a crappy picture…
Is it worth it to point out (hours later) that this is NOT a toilet?
No. I will go on with the toilet humo(u)r. Thank You.
Ceci n’est pas une toilette — c’est un Duchamp’s fountain!
Oui?
lol … oui oui, all the way home
wii wii wii
you were turd.
I’m home
Basically – it’s advertised it’s free – but it is broken so most people won’t want it even if it’s free. What they forget to mention is there are people who take broken stuff. They use it for parts, they have it melted (or broken down to base components) and some take it for recycling.
Even broken shit has value.
Used bidet? DO NOT WANT!
OK – why is the font defaulting to bold?
so we can be heard?
Are you sure its in bold?
*snerk*
I mean…Yeah! :p
Not even if it really was free?
Well – not THAT one.
I guess I’ve never worried about the bidet having been used if I’m in a hotel room that has one.
My mom seriously kept a bathtub in her front yard for years so she could put it in the bathroom downstairs when she remodeled it. It looked about like that. I shudder to think that it’s now used to “clean” people…
We have an unused, porcelain toilet in the “novelty” part of our yard. The toilet bowl is filled with potting soil and we have some rather lovely pansies growing out of it..
See, that I really don’t mind, I guess. But it just sat there. And it wasn’t a pretty tub either! It was a seal it into the wall kind of tub. My mum is such a weirdo…
*Lives in an area where people still don’t know the difference between porch furniture and living room furniture but think I’m weird when I tell them there is no furniture on my porch*
*Doesn’t think a bathtub in the yard is all that unusual in certain places*
Just so long as you don’t have any lawn chairs on your lawn!
*files a lawsuit*
*Countersues regarding the swingset rejected from a condemned Soviet playground*
I feel left out.
I feel your pain.
What? Nobody else had an old car front seat on their front porch? Seriously?
Musta just been a West Virginia thing….
No, it’s a northern Georgia thingie… remember Deliverance? Lotsa stuff on that porch.
plink
plink plink
sauer kraut – have never watched Deliverance and, upon the sage advice of friends on failblog, never will.
Most terrifying movie I have ever seen. Not in a good way.
Judy… the movie is okay… but the kid with the banjo on the porch, well… the duel was something else. Have the youtube of it on my blog somewhere, prolly back in Feb but too lazy to link to it.
That movie is not “OK”. That movie is just plain scary. Not slasher movie scary. Not spooky scary. No, this one is more of a this-is-what-people-can-do-to-each-other scary. A this-could-REALLY-happen scary.
I get that it’s fiction now, but… *shudders*
perhaps it’s because you haven’t had a nice soapy powerwash lately.
A few years ago I saw a yard with beautiful brass bed frame in it. they had a sort of raised garden in the frame and it was filled with teeny tiny white flowers. It looked amazing actually.
Surely they have a bed-wetting problem. Who weed?
Oooooh, thistle be difficult to explain, won’t it?
Surely you’re dandelion.
I think it would be nice to lie there and do some stargazer(ing).
To thy fair flower add the rank smell of wee’d: But why thy odour matcheth not thy show, The soil is this, that thou dost common go.
Thus may we gather honey from the weed,
And make a moral of the devil himself.
Oh, I mind it. When I was in high school, my last name went from “Montoya” to “Montoilet”.
I hated my parents for it.
*tries to contain giggles*
Are the pansies…FERTILIZED?!
*erupts into giggle fits*
Ow! My sides!
Sadly….Steer Manure…
-throws pity party-
*catches pity party*
GO LONG!
*Button hooks The Moomin*
SQUEEZE!
*Sweeps left*
*throws party wide to Marius*
*squeezes past*
*runs up the field and into a tree*
Oh, Moomin! If you weren’t so fluffy that may have hurt.
Hey! Give that back! It’s mine!
my name is indigo mantoilet, prepare to be flushed!
Does anyone else think it weird that we brought the toilets into the house from the bottom of the garden and put them in the room where we clean ourselves?
I wonder how long it took to domesticate them….
We had to flush them out of the undergrowth first. . .
How about potty training?
Yer a loo-natic.
Urinal-ine to be next, Moomin.
*Heads on down the line*
He’ll use any means at his disposal.
He’s flushed with excitement.
It’s his Kamodus Oporandi
He forgot toilet the window open…plug your noses people!
Why? It isn’t like porcelain really “goes bad”. I mean, iron will rust and plastic can decompose, but I don’t see anything going wrong with ceramic. The fittings above are probably not in the best shape, but they were designed to stand up to water anyway…
Porcelain.
*shudders*
My mistake. It appears to be a “bited,” and not a bidet (if you believe what the line under it says).
This is…weird.
Bite your tongue. It’s more blogging space.
But it hurts the eyes to look at it.
… and *poof*, the default bolding is gone.
THAT’S the weird I was referring to!
I missed that. Sorry Dragon.
Did someone commit a bold face lie?
Did you guys boldly post where noone has posted before?
hahahahhahaha these are great!
There goes lunch. Thanks, Failblog Diet!
Failblog: helping bulimics since… whenever. (that was funnier in my mind)
Not so bad here…
Hey, Skrat, you’re in Louisiana yes?
I think it’s quite interesting that both of our resident squirrels/squirrel derivatives are from Louisiana. Are you subtly telling us something about the people down there, guys?
That, amongst these squirrels, is a bunch of nuts?
lol
FailSnail, new here? Welcome aboard, and get an avatar!
*squeeze*
Not really new, just new to actually posting
I am ridiculously technology impaired and wouldn’t know what to do with an avatar if you gave me illustrated instructions ><
And thank you for the welcome
*hugs*
*is from Louisiana, a long time ago, that is*
Originally from New Iberia, La…Now in Liberty Hill, TX (a little NW of Austin)
Wow! I have family in New Iberia. Orig. from Springhill.
Cool, haven’t lived there since I was 14. Not gonna tell you how long ago that was. I took Ms Skratdaddy to the McIlhenny Tabasco plant and the old neighborhood and things had changed a tad.
I haven’t been back there for… years. I’m going next week to see some of my people.
It must be nice to have family that can cook well, none of mine can do much more than grill. But man, can they grill!
I got the best of both worlds. We do a 250lb crawfish boil every year and my kids b-day party is on the 8th of Aug and I’m cooking up 40lbs of brisket. Too much fun.
My dad does crawfish boils every year. He used to brag when I was young that I could shell a crawdad before I could walk. *makes slurping sound*
*drools*
That sounds fantastic!
First, we couldn’t fit the bidet in our out houses. Second, the water shooting up our squirrel holes would not be a welcome surprise. And lastly, we would more than likely fill it with water and see what critters it would attract so we could catch a little dinner.
*fondly remembers eating “stuff” grandpa cooked*
*has never been from Louisiana*
Oh, DW! I’ll be there next week, you should come down and get some yummy Cajun food!
MMMmmmmm! I have been to NOLA, and it was wonderful. Some of the best food I’ve ever eaten.
Lovely thing about LA is that you will often find restaurants right next to cemeteries.
I couldn’t do it. I think I lost like 3lbs on my trip while there just one day.
What? Dead people don’t make you think of large pots of “stuff” called Gumbo?
And you can find most the dead people above the ground in Gn’awlins cemeteries.
*snork* I like the way you can pronounce it ‘correctly’
I took a tour of the cemeteries…I found it fascinating! And then I went right across the street and had a nommy lunch.
I think I would have handled across but looking at the cemetery from outside the window? Mmmm…I don’t know…
I would have never thought to be bothered by the cemetary resteraunts.
Unless the dead were actively emerging from their graves, I don’t think it would bother me, either.
Of course, if they were just emerging from their graves to do a production number and to devour a troll, I would just find them entertaining. Plus, they clean up after themselves so nicely.
I think I’d like to see that, at least once in my life.
Dinner and a show!
I love watching theater in the ground!
I have tickets to the repertory production of “Charnel Knowledge” for this weekend…come with me?
Absolutely! Do you have the tickets with you, or do we have to wait in line like zombies at will call?
*has been to Louisiana*
*could find Louisiana on a map*
*could find loose Anna in Louisiana*
Andrew and I went down to the last Mardi Gras in NOLA before Katrina hit. I had planned to journal the entire trip for future memories/laughs. My first entry on that first day – “We are at Jimmy Buffett’s and are waiting for a seat for dinner. We’re having Hurricanes in the bar while we wait.”
.
.
The remainder of the journal is empty.
I love stories like that.
♥♥♥
Well Judy, do you at least remember what happened the rest of the trip?
I remember coming home with a lot of beads….
(Hee!)
Bayou not from there before?
That Creole joke? Ha!
Ma ye sha. We got dem crawfish and some jambalaya, for true.
yaboy, I go down dea fo dat.
No wonder dat domino is fat.
yaboy, wit’ a po’boy!
♫ Jambalay, crawfish pie, filet gumbo! Son of a gun we gon have some fun me-o-my-o! ♫
I thought it looked a little off, but ate it anyway.
Hey guys!
Hey!
hey is for horses, better for cows.
Used dreadlocks! Just what I ALWAYS wanted!!!
:ick:
I dread to think what those locks were used for.
*plops used dreads on your head*
Very…..nice….
*gag*
I had no idea that my backyard was missing something…Damn you, Craigslist.
Don’t fret! You can get that lovely bited for free (if nobody else has claimed it already).
*bites nightshayde’s finger*
Um, is that not what you meant?
*returns to her desk from lunch, wondering why her finger randomly started hurting.*
OW!
*looks at Ms B*
Ahem!!! I guess we don’t practice what we preach eh?
So Leila, where are we leaving to next?
Too Late. I think my mom probably took it to put more flowers in….and look….it came pre-fertilized…
oh, my mistake…I was in the market for a backyard bidet. Some dreams remain unfulfilled.
You use it for washing toadstools.
would a pun on stool be boring? and would it make a diff-if it were three legs or four?
Pssst…the pun already happened.
Hey! no more bold!
Haaaaha!
Oh, yeah…
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!
I just loooOOOooove bonus fails! And two days in a row too!
Bonus fails are happy times, but most of the fun people have vanished before it arrives.
:’(
What…am…I…then…
*sobs*
Be nice Bearly, we are fun…I swear.
That’s ’cause when the fails get really full the page takes forever to load.
Gee. Thanks Bear….
HEY!
:p
Hehehe. How do you bring failfriends out of the woodwork? Insult ‘em!
Seriously, guys, I’m just talking about numbers. Look around – there are a lot of us missing, aren’t there? You all are amazing, ok?
*Squeezes*
No no no, you can’t win us over that easily! HMPH!
Oh, please. Watch this.
Jam, forgive me right now or I won’t squeeze you anymore. *Folds arms and looks away*
Pfft. She’d never fall for that.
…She might FALL, mind you…but never for that.
I dunno, I like a good bear hug. Hmmm…. *ponders*
Watch this…
Bearly…either you hug Jam right now, or I’ll never, ever *snork* at anything you say again…EVER!
Don’t think she’s falling for it. I don’t want her bear hugs anyway. I got me stress ball I can squeeze.
@Bearly Pbbbt! :p
And a cuddly dragon!
*squeeze*
*cuddles*
Yes you certainly are!
I can’t cuddle you for too long or I’ll start dozing.
I always knew you were a dozy broad.
I could get defensive and say that’s snooze to me but it’s just not.
Oh no! I have been delinquent in my *SQUEEZES!*
*Sends emergency squeezes to Jam and DW*
Eh, technically I’m not a fail friend…I’m just lurking…-dons hooded cloak-
Did somebody call me?
O_O
No? Ok then.
*shuffles away dejectedly*
*pets* You can stay ^^
*is petted*
*goes with it anyway*
‘scuze me! Some of us had to actually WORK. I’m here now. Where are you….HMMMMM?
You have found the magic formula to summon everyone at once.
Did I just hear someone calling?
*runs out of the room, sobbing*
*pokes head out of ground*
Who said what in the where now?
The tree one isn’t so bad, my father would have jumped at the chance. Of course, he has a wood burning stove and likes to think he could be a lumberjack. But folks with fireplaces or wood burning stoves would gladly head over with chainsaws if they could just HAVE the wood.
Looks pretty free to me, roaming the woods for unsuspecting prey.
*sees an unsuspecting Moomin*
*leaps!*
RAWR!
*squeezies*
*saunters away with an “I meant to do that” attitude*
Eeek!
*scampers up tree*
I suppose if it sneaks up on you and you crap yourself, you’ve got it sorted!
You’re going to leave an awful mess for the person who wants to use it next.
*hears Discovery Channel voice in head: “Here we see the free-range kamodus fithus, let’s see what it does now that it’s noticed us”*
*growls at camera*
That’s a frisky one there, maybe if I poke at it….
Oh no… Not the spoon again!
*Scuttles away*
*bites stick*
*Steve Irwin voice*
Koo right! What a Beauty! This one’s got some fight in ‘em!
*waggles stick from side to side in mouth*
RRRRrrrrrRRRRrrrrRRRRrrrrRRRR
(So, I can totally picture a bidet doing that. I need to leave here)
I just LOVE the !mages you all put in my head! This one will last me long times!
Yeah, thanks Moomin, I’m still catching my breath from that lol
*snorkroffle* Moomin… you are great.
Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!
*flings self to ground and clings to Moomin’s ankle*
*Flings self to ground and clings to DW’s ankle for added weight*
Aw…this is really heartbreaking you two.
*takes photos*
*cingclingclingcling*
*Posts sign*
PLEASE
Do Not Feed
Kamodus Fithus
Not even orange-strawberry sorbet? I just made it!
Mmmm – that sounds delicious! I’d be happy to take it off your hands.
My ice cream ball arrived today and I just couldn’t not make something! I highly recommend the purchase of one of those balls!
*shares out the sorbet*
*holds out bowl*
Ewwwww…you took that right off the lawn, didn’t you??
*gives WIK a helping of sorbet*
It is made only of orange juice, strawberries and a spoon-full or three of sugar. It’s a wee bit tart, but that’s the way (uh-huh) I like it!
*makes sour face* numyummy!
*snork!*
*makes sour face at WIK*
*sticks out tongue and crosses eyes*
*holds out bowl for a sample*
Pleeeeeze? Sounds nommy!
*hands out full sized helping*
But of course!
Thanks, Avis! What flavor are you planning next?
I’m not sure. Haagen Daz (or however it’s spelled) has a brown sugar flavor out, I may try to mimic that. Otherwise it’s likely to be vanilla with chocolate chips.
So, what is your honest opinion of the ice cream ball? I’ve seen it, but was skeptical. How much does it actually make?
I got the one that makes a pint, and it works! It works well at that! I wouldn’t try it out over nice hardwood floors (condensation drips, and possible scratches from the hard plastic and all) but I really like it. If you get one, make sure you also get a sturdy plastic or wooden spoon, if you don’t already have one. You can’t use metal utensils in it. I would definitely say that I am a satisfied customer.
Try maple nut Avis. A little maple extract, a few walnuts and the basic vanilla recipe and you’re there. My preschoolers and after school children always loved to crank (literally) that stuff out.
I’ll have to try that!
The beauty of the ball is there is no cranking. Just roll the thing around for 30 minutes or so and you’re good! Don’t try to bounce it though. The little booklet that came with it said not to. Having used it already, I can see why.
BTW- new post up. Bit of a rant though.
Eh, if you read the comments on those, you can tell that the posts themselves are pretty fail. Way to pick the “best” entries to show us, failblog!
Failbloggers have more fun.
“Failbloggers do it under the rug!”
Wait…um…nemmind.
“Failers do it on the blog”….”with their friends”!
“Squirrels do it in the trees”
…Whales do it in the seas?
Dogs do it under their fleas?
Lol…
*watches as the reference whooshes overheads*
*ducks*
QUACK
*gooses*
HONK!
*pulls wool over eyes*
Got to run y’all.
*squeezies all around*
*squeezes Skratdaddy before he skedaddles*
Toodles!
*waggles fingers*
Waggles!
*toodles fingers*
Really a fail blog fail. Dum Dum Dumb!
I think natures calling.
*walks in sporting a head full of dreadlocks*
So, how is everyone doing?
*realizes she is talking to no one*
Where is everyone?
Nice hairdo!
Did I say something dreadful to scare everyone away?
Awww… Some small animal is missing out on a hammock now…
*runs in*
I’m here now. I’m sure that made your day (if you’re even still here).
Hiya, Chan!
(Way too late) Hi NS!
Hee hee – not too late (though now I’m probably too late). I’ll be leaving in a few minutes.
*squeeeeeeeeeeze!*
*squeeeeeeeeeeeze!*
Are those regular minutes or nightshayde-at-work minutes?
*also squeeze*
They’re just regular work minutes.
I work Monday, so I shouldn’t be here too late tomorrow (and hopefully not on Monday, either).
*squeeze*
I’m outta here. I hear Edamame calling me all the way from Trader Joe’s (nifty groovy supermarket-ish store).
I shop there all the time. Good food, better prices. Did you know that they are a subsidiary of Aldi’s?
I’ve never heard of Aldi’s – so it’s news to me. *shrug*
OK — really leaving now!
*squeeze*
It’s a super-discounted grocery store, mostly canned goods and frozen stuff. I have also seen dolls there. Scary looking things, those were.
*squeeze*
Did I make it in time?
*squeezes nightshayde*
Hi/Bye!
Hi, Judy!
Bye, Judy!
*squeeze*
Byes! *Squeeze!* Have a good night!
*squeeze*
I don’t get the fail.
*pat-pat*
We love you anyway.
Has anyone seen Brewski’s checklist?
*makes note in logbook*
I was wondering if an appearance had been made yet today! Now I can sleep peacefully.
I’m here!
*noted*
I’m still lurking about.
*A flat minor*
is the fail the misspelling of “bidet”?
That, and the fact that it seems to be a free range bidet rather than a domesticated one.
*snork*
“Free range bidet”
*snork*
They say it’s healthier for you than those caged kind.
And Lynard Skynard says this bidet you cannot change.
Ok, what’s on TV? It very suddenly got very quiet here.
Deadliest Catch.
Erm…
*looks at book she’s reading*
The Eyre Affair. The picture is kinda static, though.
Did you ever read the futuristic retelling of Jayne Eyre? It was interesting to say the least.
Noop…I’ll have to check it out.
It’s titled “Jenna Starborn”. It certainly caught my eye at the bookstore!
I found another interesting retelling at Chapters today: “Pride & Prejudice… & Zombies”. My better judgement didn’t allow me to purchase it right away, but I think I shall have to go back for it.
Obviously the only thing that could make a classic better is the living dead.
I’m trying to figure out how zombies could figure in the story and well… I’m having a tough time with that. I may need to go find this book now!
My thoughts exactly. It’s not so much for the zombies themselves, that I would like to read it, but just to see how the zombies are incorporated.
I survived the first day of the wake — 3 – 8 and the lines never stopped — so many people loved my boy. His friends tied white ribbons on all the tree by my house and all the way to the Church — High School Freshman BOYS!! Tied ribbons …
100′a and 100′s of people and I know as many tomorrow. Every teacher he ever had – and my friends fro high school I have not seen in years and years….
A tribute to my wonderful boy. In 14 years he touched so many people. Everyone who came becasue they loved him….
*SQUEEZE!!*
Just because.
*long, tight hug*
Here. This is from me.
*ties a white ribbon ’round the old oak tree*
What a lovely, lovely tribute.
*squeeze!*
I’m off – bath and bed … *squeezes* all around!!
{{{{{{{{{{Elsa_Mama}}}}}}}}}}
I’m so glad you came around to tell us…and to let us know how you’re doing. Take care of yourself, sweetie.
And because they love you, Elsa_Mama!
You’ll survive the other days as well. You probably now have an idea how much the love from other people can keep you going.
{{{{{{Elsa_Mama}}}}}}
Wow, that looks fantastic! Shakespearean authorship disputes inspire gang wars, hah!
Jasper Fforde is a GENIUS!!!
(I ran out of Connie Willis.
)
I LOVED “Passages”!! I stupidly lent it out and never saw it again though.
That one never did capture my attention, not like Planet Earth did.
So You Think You Can Dance is on at 9pm/8pm central.
what a bold concept!
*is in the central time zone*
It’s 9:30ish now.
just past 10:30ishish here. brb… gonna use the latrine out back.
Making fun of free things… what a shitty thing to do!
well would you accept that sink (I thinks thats what it is)
Sleep well everyone
*waves*
Thanks – you, too!
‘Night…I think I’ll have a Saurian brandy nightcap.
*thinks*
Star Trek?
Yup…it’s a Scotty and Admiral thing.
So what the hell is with this stupid search page that has been coming up with failblog the past week?
Why the hell would they want this thing?
Brewski! What the heck are you still doing here?
Yeah, when I saw you up on recent comments, I thought you were still in China or something.
I could ask the same thing!
I can’t sleep due to a bug I picked up while over there.
Gah! The Lead flu!
*dons breathing mask*
makes no sense.. doesn’t belong on failblog. How is it not exactly free? You fail at posting on failblog.
Reminds me of the time that my uncle and I saw a toilet sitting in a church yard with a sign that said “free” on it. I wonder if it was full of holy crap…
the guy wrote Bited instead of Bidet
Is that a water fountain?
FOR A BEER!!!