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Cheezburger Network Blog
Guys do stupid things to impress others.
and then girls go : aaaaaaaaaaaaaaawww…
That “aaaaaaaaaawwwww” is usually followed by an eye roll and a muttered “idiot”.
At least by the ones who have two brain cells to rub together.
We conveniently forget about the
and the derrogatory comments about our intelligence. The aaaawwwww makes the pain go away anyways. My theory, the growth of the male ego releases endorphins.
That would go explain William Shatner.
Well, the colored girls go “Do – do do – do – do do do do – do…”
Are we allowed to LOL here? Cuz kitteh tinks datz funneh!
Horny young bulls can find themselves polled.
They say pogo stick fail.
I say redneck birth-control win.
Hopefully those family jewels will be out of commission for at least a few years.
It is incidents like this that convince me that my plans to impose the “Darwinian Order” upon my ascension to Global Emperor are essential.
The theory is that, currently, the process of evolution is currently working in reverse. For proof of this, look at who is reproducing at high rates and who is opting to have one or two kids, if that many.
The process would punish stupidity rather than embrace it, and after enough offenses, impose sterilization, and if the threat of spread of stupidity by influence, if not by genetics, was present.
Look at society 50 years ago and look at it today. We’re technologically more advanced as a society, but as individuals, I think we’re getting dumber by the day.
So you agree with me that we’re screwing ourselves by subsidizing stupidity* and therefore thwarting natural selection?
.
* We try to protect people from “dangers” that should be obvious, and then reward them (via lawsuit) if they somehow managed to do the stupid thing anyhow.
I’m pretty sure Hitler had a similar plan.
Just letting the stupid kill themselves off will work just fine. We might give a little encouragement with shows like “Jacka$$” and “Caught on Tape” and others like them, but that’s about it.
I find I’m inclined to agree with everyone here. Yes, stupidity is rampant. No, it doesn’t seem like enough to just let them die off themselves (anyone seen the opening scenes of Idiocracy? Frightening, humourous, and with an eerie miasma of truth). But Avis has a point, regarding the inhumanity and “Hitlerishness” of the idea of killing one another off. Genocide isn’t exactly a forward step.
But… But they’re eating all of my candy…
I’m glad someone else mentioned Idiocracy already, this thread had me thinking of that movie as well.
To wake up as the smartest man on earth would probably make me abuse whatever power I come unto.
To wake up as the smartest man on earth …. I would be amazed at how stupid the world had become. Of course I always was a “why is this glass so damned empty” pessimist.
*Raises fullish glass*
To not having prostitute girlfriends!
I swear to god, that movie isn’t fiction–it’s a documentary of our future if something isn’t done to keep the idiots out of positions of cultural influence.
“Keep” the idiots out of positions of cultural influence..?
BWAHAHAHAHA *pounds floor*
*finally recovers breath*
I’m sorry, Pennyforth, but I think that might be a lost cause. By at least a couple of decades.
You’re assuming evolution favours the intelligent. Why dolphins would surely be the second most successful lifeform on this planet if that was the case. Survival of the fittest, not the smartest.
Second most successful = behind the mice? ^_^
(I’m a Hitchhiker’s Guide series geek)
I should have included the serious reply as well:
Yeah, “best-adapted to successfully procreate in XYZ environment” is NOT inherently the same as “most intelligent,” or “best” in any other fashion. In some environments, yes, but not in modern America.
Well maybe modern America needs more pogo sticks.
*applauds*
I’ll second that motion. ^_^
I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!
Durrr… wa wa zat?
Really, though, when you think about it, society is almost as bad as the individual.
Look at lemmings, for example (OK, fine, not exactly society, but it gets the point across, no?). The ones in front get to the edge of the cliff, look down, think (I know, I know, I’m pushing it! Just… Just bear with me. And if you look at this next slide, you can see last years rainfall stats in the Amazon Basin.) “Oh, well, that’s quite a drop,” and they stop. Then they get pushed forward by the mass of bodies behind them.
Then there’s just one left at the edge, and it looks down, points and laughs, then immediately gets run over on the nearest highway.
Hopefully they will be out of commission forever therefore he couldn’t ever have children with his genetics
Those are the chicks who do not shave their pits and call their cat the best man in their lives.
Ok, time to pull out the shellacked bull again!
*THWACK*
Here, next time try the whale!
*hands Ms B the shellacked blue whale*
OOH! When Ms B’s done can I use it tommorrow?
(Though hopefully I won’t have to use it)
They’re here to be used, whenever you need ‘em. We’ve got bulls, halibut, mackerel, trout, and whales.
The minnows are merely to make a point. The whales are to make a mess.
*Thinks of ZA’s skill to annihilate trolls without too much mess*
Is there an animal out there we can use like that?
My trained Rocs can remove the trolls without too much of a mess. At least until a little bit later. Granted they’re digestive systems are a bit slow, but inevitably there will be a mess. A rather sizable one at that.
Oh well.
I’m thinking about ditching my Spartan Laser and using the world of Pixar to get rid of trolls
^ These are the men who can’t get laid and always blame women for their inadequacies.
A chauvinist pig troll…how 1973.
Once again, the truth is a lie.
I thought the Cake was a lie?
lol YES!! that made my day.
Of course it did, thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye
the lie was a cake!
The cake was a truth.
THE CAKE WAS NOT A LIE! remember when GLaDOS said “you should have gone left, it would have been funny.” …. Well, once you beat the game it shows u a cutscene of taking the left path and it shows you ending up with the cake and companion cube. so therefore, by the process of deduction, the Cake exists therefore the cake was not a lie.
I dig a woman with unshaven pits. Gimme a girl with buckwheat in a headlock!
Repost Fail!
*isn’t impressed*
Did he died?
yes he did died
This is true… but it was a great try. A couple more attempts and he’ll get it. Wear a cup next time though buddy.
That’s one of the reasons. Others include: because it’s fun; because it looks awesome; because it’s personally satisfying, because risky undertakings are incredibly empowering once they’re accomplished; and others which vary from individual from individual, of both genders.
you forgot — “becasue someone told me not to…” or its cousin “someone said I can’t”
“Does this look like a man who cannot take on a challenge!?”
It actually looked like his “friend” knew exactly what was about to happen. I’m a twenty-odd year veteran of America’s Funniest Videos and I didn’t see that one coming.
How about, “Someone triple-dog-dared me to!”?
:p
Teehee! :p
Or the triple dog dare.
It is SOOOOOOO good to see you.
*SQUEEEZE!*
oww my balls!
Just stick to it.
*squeeze*
.
Happy Monday! The auditors are here this week. I was nervous at first. Then after speaking with them for a few minutes I remembered why I left public accounting.
.
It’s a good day!
.
How’s your day?
.
*squeezes for all of the blog crew*
*squeezes and smooches*
*smoochsmoochsmooch*
.
I’m so glad you’re back home safely!
I don’t think I’m gonna make it through the day though, I can’t keep my eyes open.
*sneaks some extra velvet-smooches to wake up*
I fear all auditors. *squeeze velvet*
Some of us ended up in a super sized king bed on the previous fail. It’s a rough day.
Oh! So sorry to hear that.
.
Does the bed vibrate or would that just be hyperactive bedbugs?
I think it’s mostly for comfort-cuddling.
*cuddles comfortably*
I could go for some comforting comforter.
*cuddles*
*keeps her freezing feet tucked in*
Good thing it’s a huge bed.
I’m all for bringing the bbq and the cuddle puddle together today.
*puddles*
…Wait. that just sounded wrong. :p
I’ll keep my distance. For everyone’s sake.
*nabs Ms B and drags her into the cuddle*
That’s the nice thing about the blog…no germs!
Can I come In? I have never been to a puddle and it sounds good with the events of today.
*makes room in bed for 5 eagles*
Watch your talons.
Woah in bed I thought it was a puddle. LOL.
Dragon writer is a cover hogger from what I hear.
Move over!
*hogs the pillows and blankets*
First time in a cuddle puddle and you make accusations. Tsk tsk. You show little tact.
Better than a little tack in a cuddle puddle, I’d have to say…
I’m not having a bad day, but I sure could use a cuddle puddle and some squeezes! Always a good time for those! And may I have some smooches please?
*cuddles*
*squeezes*
*smooches*
I hope that helps.
Thanks Leila! Did you have a nice birthday?
*squeezes and smooches back*
By the way, Leila, I see that failblog gave you a stripper for your birthday, too. I think it’s their one-size-fits-all present…
Hey, I never got a stripper for MY birthday!!!
zippycat: I sure did. I had a lot of fun.
Bearly: the stripper the highlight of the whole FB bdday bash.
WN: I will get you one, when is your bday?
March 31. It’s a long wait, but I’m sure it’ll be worth it
Sorry ’bout the body paint – I’m glad Jimbo was able to help you out on that one!
It’s okay. I got tired of waiting in your studio all naked, so maybe next time?
wow, it really is, i keep yawning and stretching just to stay awake….not helping much
*tickles abstract*
Here, does this help???
*super tickles*
lol!! rofl!!! aaaakakak, hhhhhahahaaahaha, ok,ok stop! thanks itdid help *smooch*
*squeeze*
Don’t really feel like doing work today. It’s the last day at work before I am gone for 2 weeks of training so, I don’t feel the need to get any work done.
Whatcha in training for, Jules?
I have 1 week of train at the Electrical power Research Institute, in Nashville and then 1 week of train up at the main branch for root cause analysis.
Good idea if you want to get a jump on the competition.
Yep yep, hop on to it.
Well, that assumption is a leap!
Let’s skip the accusations.
To be honest, we should probably skotch this whole topic.
Yeah, before someone trips up and breaks the pun run.
If somebody does, we’ll just have the Failblog bouncer toss them out.
They sure would fall out of favor with the community.
They are bound to happen, though.
It was their own vault.
Yep, no need for anyone to flip out over something like that.
I DRINK IT UP!
It’s a hurdle to overcome.
A pounce of prevention is worth a bound of cure.
I’d say hop to it then.
Argh! Refresh fail.
Powered by JUDY!
.
*confetti*
Hooray for Judy!!! Power it up!!
JUDY JUDY JUDY!!! WooHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*breaks out the champagne*
oooh, it must be time for mimosas again!!
*mixes mimosas and hands them out*
Yay Judy!!
*bounces in*
Woopity woopsass for Judy!
*covers ass and runs away from Jam*
Heeeeee!
Aww… I miss that angel smiley.
* is innocent*
hehehe
*squeezes all*
Yippeee!!!!!
Go JUDY! You wild blue thing you!
Any time is a good time for a mimosa. This is the only place I can have alcohol.
*holds up carafe* Fill ‘er up?
*looks @ empty carafe*
*pouts*
I will just go make me some decaf coffee.
Did you want some more tea, Leila?
Or if you prefer, I have a pitcher of Mimosa’s right here!
*offers both*
Both please and thank you. My hero!! *smoooooooch and xtra long squeeze*
Leila, congratulations on getting hitched! I didn’t even know if you were single, engaged, married, or what, so I didn’t pick up on your reference the other day.
Thanks Brewski. Was engaged for a long while. If there is such a thing as a soulmate, I would say he is mine.
I want to say congrats as well, Leila! I tried to congratulate you Friday, but it was after you had left for the evening.
*squeeze*
Thanks Ms B. *squeeze* I am sorry I missed everyone’s comments. After I leave work nightly or for weekends, I avoid looking at my computer because if I turn it on, I just end up working. They don’t pay me that well to sacrifice family time for work.
Leila, can you tell us your love story?
*snuggles deeper into pillows, waits for story*
*snuggles in next to Judy*
I’m a sucker for a good romantic story.
To make a story short, I was single for a loooooooooooong time and already sworn off men/relationship and blah blah blah. We worked together on company projects and became really good friends. One day I opened my eyes and there he was. My best friend became something different. I can’t possibly spin this story to make it sound romantic but suffice it say that he is a beautiful and most amazing human being. I am very lucky to have him.
Leila, that IS romantic!
*squeeze*
And the best type of story!
♪ Lucky to be in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again ♫
Congrats, Leila! Falling in love with your best friend is the most amazing kind of love story.
Whoa Nellie!!!!!!!
Congrats Leila!!
Thanks everyone!
*squeeze*
That was so sweet!
Congrats on the nuptuals!
Thanks Judy. I finally made an honest man outta him… HAHA!!!!
WAYYYY TO GOOO LEILA. Grats.
Way to go Judy on the power.
CONGRATS JUDY!!!!
*throws confetti*
Thanks, failpeeps! And just in time for the Monday BBQ, I brought some ribeyes and T-bones from the freezer in my basement. I was full almost to overflowing! I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to put Andrew in Meat Rehab – every time steaks or ribs go on sale, he goes shopping!
Who has a super size grill?
*secrectly slips out to check on Patrica the calf ♀* Whew!!!
We can borrow Emp’s super size grill.
I brought my ice cream machine. How does orange sherbet sound?
Ice cream! Yay Velvet! You’re my lifesaver.
I just ordered an ice cream maker!! I’m looking forward to making sorbets, so is my family.
Avis, I was buying ice cream this weekend and remembered you told me about a caramel ice cream I needed to try. Unfortunately I couldn’t remember what it was! Would you mind giving me a refresher?
Haagen Daz. Caramel Fleur del Sel. It is vanilla with caramel swirls, and has chunks of chocolate with bits of sea salt. It is heavenly!
Oh, Velvet! Make that today!
*drools*
I’ve been addicted to this cheap Lucerne ice cream lately. It’s cheesecake ice cream with caramel swirls and chunks of butter toffee. So good!
I’m taking notes here, so I can try to make these when my ball comes in.
.
.
.
Wait, that didn’t sound right!
*snork*
*raises eyebrow*
Avis, you should do it Girl Scout style. They put the mixture in a bag placed sealed coffee can filled with ice and kick it around for a while. Insant Ice Cream!!! LOL
Avis, you should do it Girl Scout style. They put the mixture in a bag placed sealed coffee can filled with ice and kick it around for a while. Voila!!! Instant Ice Cream!!! LOL
oooOOOooo! Leila’s posting in stereo today!
What tha?
*goes to her usual corner*
I’m getting an ….(wait for it)…. ICE CREAM BALL!!! Some coincidence! It’s being purchased for me as partial payment for all the cooking I did this past few week ends. The way it works is I work like mad in the kitchen and get rewarded with kitchen gadgets to aid me in future endeavors. Clickie if you want the story of all the cooking.
*gently lands holding “grill trailer”*
I stopped off in Texas and snagged one. I figured we would get some use out of it.
Three cheers for JUDY!
Hip Hip Hooray!
Jimbo! How wonderful! Dragon, would you do the honors and light up this bad boy?
Happy to!
*gives a gentle *poof* of flame and gets the grill going*
And you didn’t even burn anybody’s hair off!! I’m impressed, Dragon, you’re finally getting that flame thrower under control.
Oh, she’s always had extremely fine flame control…it’s just that, well, accidents can happen.
*points at head*
Lookee! I have hair again!
Just in time to save you from severe scalp burn.
*hands Ms B some more cold aloe*
Thanks, Admiral! Can you believe I had to put clothes on for work today?! Ouchie!
Well, here on failblog you can rest comfortably naked. No chafing this dish!
*looks quickly around to make sure that the Failblog mirrors are all still hidden*
You’re looking remarkably handsome today, Brewski!!
(It’s amazing to me how many people get nekkid and shorn on this blog…!)
*coughs*
It doesn’t look that baad.
*sheepish grin*
I think it’s quite becoming, thank you.
*leaves and surreptitiously replaces toque on head*
Congrats Judy!
*squeezes*
I brought a truckload of watermelons for the BBQ!
Watermelons?
Yes, watermelons! What goes better at a nice bbq than a slice of watermelon for dessert? Thanks, Lurk!
*squeeze*
I remember what happened the last time I brought a watermelon. Suffice to say that it was messier than the scene from Dirty Dancing.
*Pretends to glare at Brewski*
Can we dip said watermelon into alcohol?
Uh, what? What’d I do? Was this related to Dragon Grog, perchance?
*grabs slice of watermelon*
You dropped your keg on it!
Oh that watermelon. I was just practicing my Gallagher gag.
OOOOH, please allow me to assist you with your over abundance of meat. *opens mouth* insert here, please!
*claps hand over mouth*
*giggles*
That was just too easy an opening. I’m not going fill this space with the obvious retort.
I’m just going to act like a 12-year-old and keep giggling.
*averts eyes from sausages*
Um…
hey, be good now!!!
Don’t talk with your mouth full.
*rofl!*
Yes, you don’t want that meat to spill on the floor. We don’t want it to come to that.
Good meat is not to be wasted.
*eyes Brewski*
naughty!!
T-bone or ribeye? The t-bones have a dry rub, the ribeyes have been marinating.
You’re rubbing the meat before inserting it into abstract’s mouth??
Maybe you should beat it too, so it’s nice and tender.
*huge explosion heard in the distance*
There goes another one….*sigh*
I was going to say…I prefer to rub my own meat, but if you insist.
Would you folks please get your minds out of the gutter for five minutes and let’s enjoy a nice meal together? Is that too much to ask? Sheesh!
Yup. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much to ask.
*gooses Judy and flees*
Not possible, Judy dear. We live in the gutter!
It’s no wonder I love you guys!
*squeezes all*
You mean, five consecutive minutes??
*snork!*
*starts stopwatch*
Can I have a steak, Judy? I’ll take a T-boner. I mean, T-BONE!! Darnit!
*resets stopwatch*
I don’t know, Judy. Five minutes is a long time.
Judy, I tried and tried to clean the gutter many times. I just gave up because it’s always crammed with so many of us.
Oh, I give up!
*hops into the gutter with friends*
*reaches into the air*
*grabs portable gutter (much like a portable hole)*
*jumps in with the gang*
hey!! you’re being bad again!!
I’ll go with ribeye, thanks!! I love steak thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssss much!!
I noticed how you used the word “steak” instead of “meat” this time.
Hee! Will stick to using a glass today. Cheers, Judy!!!
Hee…I think that’s probably best. Though you ARE cute when you stand on your head.
You can’t have a party without the guest of honor. Can you?
I’m here! *sips mimosa*
*squeeze!*
You went camouflage for a sec. Praise be to your power.
*sticks a flower in Judy’s hair*
*SQUEEZE*
*admires flower*
Thanks, AA!
Wooohoooo! Judy!!!
*squeezes to all*
*first checks that all is clear*
*fires celebratory confetti cannon across room*
Congrats Judy!
*spits out confetti*
Thanks, ZA! Nice to see you!
How are things in your world?
Busier than usual I guess, but otherwise OK.
♪Can’t complain, but sometimes I still do.♪
*wonders what the undead can be busy doing*
Death’s been good to you so far?
Wanted to show off his stick.
It was just another prat fall.
I thought the idea was to stick the landing.
I’d say his landing was sticked.
This was filmed in Soviet Russia?
in soviet Russia, the landing sticks you!
The stick sticked his stick.
aye, it apears so. it would have been cool if he could do it!
I go Pogo.
“We have met the enemy, and he is my nuts.”
Hee! These two fit as-is:
“We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities.”
“Now is the time for all good men to come to.”
OMG OMG OMG! Walt Kelly fans!!! Woo hoo!!!
My favorite poem is:
They’re looking glum into my head
And back I’m looking, yes.
They cluck their tongues and say “My, my
The whole thing is a mess”.
For what they see is naught but nil
And what I see is less.
Christmas carols!
♬ Deeeeeeeeeeeeck the halls with Boston Charlie
Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-laaaaaaaaaaaa!!! ♬
aaaahhhggggghhhh! I feel the pain!!
Urm why does the other guy grab his balls?
think about it…. he got hurt too!
****
2 prostitutes were playing golf when one of them hit the ball directly at the man in front of them. He went down in a huddle, clutching his hands between his legs.
Mortified, the woman raced over to him and, saying she had experience in this area, offered to make it all better.
She proceded to tender her services and afterwards asked him it that had helped.
He replied, “Well, I definitely feel better, but I think my hand is still broken”.
****
Fore! (play)
sympathy pains.
*brings out pump and blows “s” up to an “S”*
*recognizes pump*
That’s not mine, baby! I’ve never seen that before!
He LIES like a rug.
Okay…at first I read that as:
He LIKES a rug.
An’ I was most confuzzled!
Heehee!! My eyes trick me too at times. Especially when it comes to pun runs. Yeah…
*hopes she buys it*
*holds out a shiny wooden nickel*
I’ll buy that!
That’s actually a lot more than I expected.
*puts shiny wodden nickel in her cucci purse*
*snork*
Because the other guy LANDED on them.
Crushed landing…
Hey, I grabbed my balls and I don’t even have any!
You can borrow mine.
Snork!
*squeeze* (not your balls)
*tentacled squeeze* Good to see your echinoderminess!
*Gets idea to start ball rental shop*
*Struggles to find a company slogan*
They have balls to spare?
For something spectacular go testicular?
No it’s a mouthful…mouthful?
*giggles a bit*
“We’ve got wall-to-wall balls”
*looks hesitantly around the room before taking a step*
Uh, maybe I’ll just use the restroom downstairs….
OUCH!
Watch where you’re walking!
…with more than enough for all?
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ALL OUR BALLS ARE BELONG TO YOU!!
…FOR A PRICE!!
“You’ll have a ball (or two) at Technicolor’s House of Balls!”
He may not be having any children after this.
probably for the best.. *squeeze*
This kid needs a beer and a hug. Maybe a massage too but don’t ask me where.
His ego, that’s where.
His mango? whaaa?
*dons haz-mat suit*
*runs away and runs faster*
Speed like a sparrow.
*doesn’t ask where*
A new type of Darwinian action. People stupid enough to crush their jewels while attempting silling stunts shouldn’t breed.
My only question is, why? How on earth did they think that a stupid stunt like that would work?
I’m guessing the other kid was supposed to take the other stick with him when he moved. He seems a bit upset with his friend at the end.
I thought jumping guy was supposed to land on the other stick and continue jumping…. if it had worked, it might have been cool.
…and we would never see it, would we?
A very profound observation, Leila. We don’t see a whole lot of humanity’s successes around here… Besides the Failbloggers themselves, of course!!
I get those ideas ALL the time. The only thing that saves me is NOT my logic but my simple laziness.
technicolor (to himself): Wouldn’t it be cool if did a back flip over that moving SUV? But then I’d have to get off this couch and learn how to back flip…f*#k that.
Don’t talk down on them Brewski. Bet you don’t even have the balls to try. I dare ya. No double dog dare ya.
Alright, that’s it! Watch THIS!!!
*straps JATO booster to Mini*
*fires JATO*
*launches Mini into lower-earth orbit*
WOAH!! That was intense. I’m glad I remembered to close the sunroof first.
Sorta like the movie…clickie
That was a Darwin reference, but I didn’t realize it had been made into a movie!! What next?
“FAILBLOG!! The Movie”
I think I want Woody Harrelson to play me.
What about the rest of you? Who’ll play your character? I guess Jenny’s can come from the canned food aisle of the local supermarket.
As long as we have the “Impregnating Brewski” storyline included, I’m game.
Can I have Jennifer Aniston?
Oooh, that might be a problem. ‘Cuz I want Angelina Jolie to play me!
I want Phyllis Diller to play me.
If that’s the case, I’d like to portrayed by Tina Fey.
I totally want James Earl Jones to play me. If he’s not available, , one of the Jonas brothers will do.
*SNORK!!!*
I would like David Mitchell (the actor, not the author).
George A. Romero is the only one qualified to play me.
Avis, you look a lot like Tina Fey, now that you mention it!!
THANK YOU!!!!
Even though I’m pretty sure the similarity lies in the glasses. But I’ll take it!
I would like to have Paul Rudd, particularly his comedic sense from Role Models.
I could go for Sandra Bullock if it becomes a problem!
I’ll have to go with Nathan Fillion.
A top-notch makeup artist and special effects team, maybe, just maybe, might make Angelina Jolie attractive enough to pull it off.
But she’s totally badass enough to play me!
*smoooooch*
I want Halle Berry!!
Me too, but who do you want to play you in the movie?
I would say I do my own stunts but then I can’t sit around and eat donuts on set.
So I call Matt LeBlanc.
I want Anne Hathaway to play me!
*Is now thinking this would be a huge hit at the Box Office*
Meg Ryan for me. Dragon, I totally see you as a young, feisty Katherine Hepburn. Brewski – not Woody Harrelson – you’re Dennis Quaid. I like who the rest of you picked. Admiral, I’m going to have to look up Nathan Harrier to see who he is – I still see you as Sean Connery!
Nathan Fillion played the captain in the short-lived space western TV series Firefly and the movie Serenity that followed.
Hee…! I took a “Which grande dame of Hollywood are you?” quiz on facebook, and it came up with…Katharine Hepburn! I like the continuity of that.
I could see Lauren Bacall for you, too.
And for me…who am I kidding, Alan Tudyk is probably more my speed.
“Some people juggle geese…!”
Wash is awesome…and definitely the funniest of the bunch.
“We gotta go to the crappy town where I’m a hero!”
Scrat, I love that movie, I’ve seen it a dozen times or more. Oh, and I want Liv Tyler to play me.
Errol Flynn.
I remember that episode of MythBusters. In fact, I think it was the very first episode of MythBusters.
“Myth Busted!”
It was destiny
Destiny NO child?
Uh-Oh. Bet he looks so crazy right now.
Not to worry. He’s a survivor.
I think he might have to lay off on the jumpin’ jumpin’ from here on out, though.
At least he did have balls to try it
DID
Past tense
*prefers HAD but okay*
We don’t always get what we prefer Qwaz.
Just ask Mr. Jagger…
He can’t always get what he wants? I bet he gets what he needs.
At least now this clown can’t reproduce.
He was *nuts* to try a stunt like that.
I don’t think he missed it at all.
You can’t miss what you didn’t have in the first place.
BALLS!!!
NUTS!!!
Looks like there may a couple of extras lying around…What more could a squirrel want?
what a dork
Nice shtick.
*makes note in log book*
*squeeze*
Wow, I have a whole team of personal log-book-keepers now? I noticed a few people helped out while I was away last week!
*squeeze*
It’s kind of like a game now!
Warning: I’m a Realist. I don’t think he hit the family jewels. If he had he wouldn’t be calmly sitting there, he’d be rolling around screaming in agony. Luck for him he hit pretty squarely on his pelvis/hips. A valiant effort, he almost made it.
WIN for giving it a go.
There’s that word… “almost”.
Missed it by that much!
Wait. Where did I see that comment before?
If you would just get smart, you’d know!
Would you believe a boy scout and his pet dog?
I would believe 99 boy scouts maybe.
What if you were a Surrealist? You’d think he was a fish?
If he was a Naturalist, he’d be naked.
If he was a Naturalist Surrealist he’d be a… a… wait, I’ll get it…
If you observe closely, his boys don’t exactly land on the handle, do they? Unless he can ‘curl’ them all the way up there…
It does look like he hit more on his stomache and pelvis, and I think Jimster is probably right about his reaction. I would have been curled into the fetal position, crying.
Yeah, it seems Jimster and I were on the same wave length. He would be in absolute agony.
Do girls experience the same kind of pain if hit in ‘that’ area? I am a girl and I don’t even know.
I’m gonna go with not so much, but then I’ve never been hit all that hard in that area.
I’ve had my own pain in that area. I think I’m done with having kids…
Oh…yeah. Natural childbirth… *crosses legs*
I’ve been told by guys it’s a nauseating pain in the lower abdomen, and that it’s similar to really awful PMS style, “curl-up-on-the-bathroom-floor-crying”, “screw-Midol-gimme-horse-tranquilizers” type cramps.
*Hopes she’s not the only one*
To answer Leila’s question… from some failed attempts at gymnastics stunts on the beam/bars in my younger years, I can pretty much verify that for girls it hurts because there are bones right there, not because of any special kind of pain unique to the area. No further questions, please.
but…I have more questions!!
I guarantee it is different. It’s a very unique and very intense pain, and is definitely related to the testes.
Next question?
*opens mouth but words do not come out*
*closes mouth*
FWIW, it does NOT take any kind of a hard hit “in that area” – ask any guy how he’d feel about having them “snapped” with your finger… and it KEEPS hurting for a while…
Kids can be pretty brutal in that area. Or so says the hubby.
I used to vom from period cramps. They were soooo painful. You are not the only one. They do improve once you have a child. I am not condoning anyone to have babies just to stop menstrual pain however.
I’ve never had PMS. People hit me and call me a lucky bitch when I tell them that. *cowers*
been there, wanted to die!!!!! I’m on Depo now, it makes you not even have your monthly visitor, but I still get cramps now an then when it should be there. of course, never anywhere near as bad.
No, it hurts, but not like it does for them. I’ve sustained signifigant impact to the area, buti’ve never double over and lost my lunch. I’ve seen that happen.
Your “moon time” is a great gift. That makes you women the most powerful beings on earth.
I wonder if you would still feel the same if roles were reversed.
*Thinks.*
*Wouldn’t*
Ms B it was a compliment not an argument.
I didn’t take it as an argument. I’m just doing you the courtesy of letting you know that women aren’t going to take that as a compliment…at least this woman…
Or this one! I personally find the whole ordeal insulting. I mean, if I can’t have kids, why should I have to suffer cramps that could drop a bull?
I don’t know what to say but men go through all the stuff with you to. We can’t make love to you on those seven days either so we are sacrificing to LOL(holds shield up). Avis you can’t have kids now that ain’t right you are a wonderful person, I guess you have other gifts you give to children?
Ms B you are a wonderful woman count that as a gift and with any gift there is a sacrifice.
Gifts are only gifts if you use them. If you don’t use them they are objects with no purpose yet.
……….Muskrat who cares for the Fire.
Now where did I put that whale?
I take it I am getting the smack for the love making comment.LOL
Well, as an object with no purpose, what would you be doing with a whale anyway?
The love making comment was the least of your offensiveness.
How do you feel DW about you being an woman? Your “moon time” is a great gift. That makes you women the most powerful beings on earth.
I am provoking some thought how you women think. I am having the woman I walk with move in with me soon so enlighten me,help me get in the correct frame of mind.
It’s shellacked and packs a hell of a wallop.
Just shut up already. You don’t know what you are talking about and you have already GREATLY INSULTED her. Go away.
YOU are doing nothing but insulting the women around here. YOU are provoking nothing but loathing.
Avis if I have insulted you then I apologies. You seem to have things wired right about being a woman. I was trying to invoked some feed back on what it was like too have your moon time.
I am going to unilaterally preempt this little bit of ugliness–mostly because I’ve heard crap like this before and I’ve learned not to let it get under my skin–for some real news.
I’ve just received an email from Elsa_Mama…much to my great relief. I’ve been so worried about her all day. She sounds good, and she’s with people who love her. She says that all the comments, notes, and messages left for her on Lolcats and Failblog today have been a godsend, and she says that we are all awesome and sends her thanks. It really made a difference.
The funeral will be on Saturday, with visitation before that, so she says she will most likely be hanging around on the sites tomorrow. So I’m very hopeful that we will see her posting a bit tomorrow.
What it’s like to have “my moon time”? Really? It sucks. It’s miserable. It’s an inconvenience of epic proportions. It costs me money. It causes me extreme physical pain. It bothers me that when I have to deal with it I am forced to deal with the condescension of others as well. I do hope this was helpful. In the future, you might want to re-think spouting off about “moon time”.
Thank you for the update on Elsa_Mama. I’m glad she is in good company. I know many of us worried about her today.
Oh, man, I was hoping that things were getting better. I had no idea. Kind of makes all of our bickering… stupid.
Oh. My. Gawd. How insensitive and clueless can you possibly be?!
Men do not go through anything close to menstruation, and your “joke” that men suffer and sacrifice alongside women completely falls flat, leaving aside that the assertion is false.
Women are not placed on this planet just to give birth, and their lives and worth are NOT diminished ONE BIT by not having children, whether by choice or otherwise.
*squeeze*
Thank you Admiral.
Admiral again you jump down my throat before I have finished. You said we can have some good conversation on here allowing opinions. Dumb ass I know we don’t have moon cycles with mensuration but we go through chemical changes to with our partners. Women give birth or not to give birth is still a honour where I come from. i know elders that have never had chilkdren but still know what it is to be a woman.
Anytime, Avis.
*a most heartfelt SQUEEZE*
*Winces*
I was hoping it wouldn’t turn out this bad…
5 eagles, there is no way any man can EVER know what it is like to be a woman. EVER. Acknowledge that. And drop it.
Admiral Apparent you are very hostile man you could of asked where this questioning was coming from. Instead of
assumptions.
I hostile because you are hurting my dearest friends with your insensitive comments.
And it’s “could have”! It doesn’t matter where your question is coming from. You are asking personal questions from people you do not have the privilege of knowing their personal stories. I have made no assumptions. Your disparaging ideas come through loud and clear.
This is the last I’m going to say because I want this to stop, now.
Really 5_eagles, you need to leave this one be and move on.
The first rule of holes: When you find yourself in one, STOP DIGGING.
Yes I will drop it Avis sorry I was not intentional trying to hurt you or Ms B or Dragonwriter or any other women.
Any time you want to go Admiral Apparent name the place little boy. I will teach you how to be a man. This is war between you and me from now on not any one else on fail blog. I ask every one to stay out of it.
Aww.. We had just ended it…
There was gonna be peace.
You attack the Admiral…you attack all of us. Especially me.
I suggest you very, very carefully rethink your strategy here.
Eagles? You take one step forward and about 10 steps back. If you want to fight someone, GO SOMEWHERE ELSE. NOW.
You have fiery breath, various rotten animals, the Admiral’s amazing use of words, and a laser here.
I hate to say it, but things are not looking like a one on one.
*places a “Do not feed the trolls with non-shellacked comments” sign on 5_eagles*
Ok, I know the Admiral is not fond of me. I do not have any intention to cause more issues, but eagles, you need to do some growing up. You chose to take words and make them actions. What is the matter you cannot articulate your thoughts without moving your fists. I don’t care if you try and find me, you go ahead. You are one example of why we can’t move forward as a race/species. Vicious words do not need to be escalated. Do your research, present your view on the topic well next time and you avoid your childish nonsense.
This is no bull, I have anyone of these regulars backs, no matter my relationship with them. I would appreciate you not threatening them. Fine and dandy to make fun of them here, but to make a real life threat, you change everything. That is not welcome. (If this is late I am sorry I had to work today and was not here to witness this filth.)
Agreed, pretty neat trick if he pulls it off and props for the try!
I think he did. If not a groin shot at least.
You know, I watch something like this and think, “What did he think was going to happen?” Then I remember a few years ago some kid tried to jump over a car going 40mph, and I realize that thought had nothing to do with it.
he didnt seem too hurt, did he?
“Don’t touch me!”
*touches Cloral*
*assists Leila in touching Cloral*
*watches Leila and Abstract touch Cloral*
*finds the scene… touching*
Touché!
I only take solace in the fact that this moron will not be able to procreate
Why did the other guy try to grope him? “Don’t touch me!” Hahah.
I don’t think strangulation counts as a “grope”.
that’s what i wondered too
oogo poogo.
no kids for you
Nobody has come up with a song that goes for the fail yet?
♫ Jesus was a beggar, he was rich in grace
And Solomon kept his head in all his glory
It’s just that some steps outside the Pogo dance
Have a fascination for me ♫
Evolution in action!
thats really wasnt a fail as it was too close to a win. if he pulls that stunt off he’d become a god in the cirus world
What do clouds have to do with this?
I dont think I need to answer that one… come on now
I think you should!
*waits*
*taps foot*
*looks at watch*
I don’t think it’s gonna happen guys. Pity though, it could have been interesting.
I was about to pitch the tent, too!
It rained on our parade.
Ms B. — very funny question — although I’m not sure what a cirus cloud is either?? I think it is a reference to the CIRUS nuclear reactor in India??? Being a God in the world of physics would a feat indeed!!
Not to mention that most of the people there reject deities.
I can only assume you speak of the world of physics!
Although, I’m willing to believe they have their own deities!
Definitely not India. 16% of the worlds population with no belief? An interesting day that would turn out to be.
Hee! That it would!
I rather like some of their ideas, not that I’m terribly familiar with any of them. But some of them seem … intriguing.
(As an aside, considering how I butchered the word “intriguing” the first time, it’s a wonder spellchecker knew what I meant!)
One of my 4 brothers is a high energy experimental physicist and a Catholic. He is as spiritual and religious as I am, whichis to say quite a bit. I think that what you say is a stereotype of any highly scientific person. However, science and religion and faith can co-exist. My brother gave a talk specifically about the science and the faith in the movie Angles and Demons.
I read the book, but haven’t seen the movie yet. It posed some interesting theories. And pointed out how things CAN coexist.
I think I read that series out of order, did the da Vinci code come first?
Yes
Then if I try to talk about that specific set of books please stop me for I have no idea what I’m talking about.
I thought “The… Code” happened after “Angels and Demons”?
Oh, I guess I don’t know then — I thought the order of thier “coming out” as Quaz says was the correct order… I have not read either of them…
Nope…you were right. “The DaVinci Code” was the first one.
Of course, I haven’t read them, either. Hee….!
HAH! I’m totally wrong!
*sticks head in bukkit*
Nope! But “The Da Vinci Code” reached popularity first.
Maybe the clouds rained on his pogo parade, and that’s why he missed the second pogo stick.
I think it’s more likely his pogo parade was ZAPPED by a Dot Org.
But that’s just me.
Lmao that was good. Did you see the white guy jump on the black guy and start humping him?
Not that there is anything wrong with that…seems I saw a bull pull that same move somewhere.
*tries move on Ms Skrat*
*remembers today is not “Happy Friday”*
*dejectedly goes back to computer*
Aaaaaaaaaaaaw!!! Keep trying Skratdaddy. She will tire of saying no eventually …
*SNORK!*
So, what’s with the black/white guy comment up there anyway? Would have sufficed to say look at the guy humping him …
There was a pile of guys I was drawing your attention to them. Doesn’t mean nothin. So don’t give me a yellow card.LOL
Am I the only one that notices that the white person that began humping the black guy was NOT a guy but it was actually a GIRL…notice the “PONYTAIL” and the “BOOBS” ya NOT a guy just a really happy and/or horny girl.
Pogo show is a no-go.
Empathy WIN!
Just to further prove how FB can slowly encroach IRL for some of us, I have a pic I snapped that I believe you will find interesting because it concerns *GASP* DW. All in good fun. Believe me.
*snickers*
I am trying to find a good place to post it. I thought about Picasa. Any other suggestions?
Ummm….
*is suddenly nervous*
My palms are a bit sweaty, too.
Mine are a bit hairy
Nah, he just needs help!
Don’t worry, DW. It’s not a pic that I took, so it can’t be too bad.
Post it here and we will power it and it will be a win.
First of all, she said “pic” not video. Pics do not get “powered”.
Second of all, bitter much?
It had BETTER not be a video!! All those videos are under lock and k….
Um….
I mean….heh heh….
There aren’t any videos of me. Noop. Not a one. Nuh-uh.
*goes and hides under the bed*
*snork!*
I think we know where she hides them now!
*wears fireproof catburglar outfit and crawls under DW’s bed*
Hmmm…lemme see. I could add some other goodies to the pic.
Oooo…LCB is gonna be mad when she sees you’ve taken her suit!
*steals Leila’s photoshop*
*watches to see what develops*
Is hers fireproof too?
*thinking of possible hiding places*
You’ve already admitted to doing your own stunts.
*smooch*
I don’t get the bitter much comment, I thought it would be cool.
I did not know pictures do not get powered ok climb down from my throat.
As exciting as this is, my serious suggestion is Flicker. That way it is not tied to your google account. Can’t wait!
Thank you!
First
The guy walking away was cupping his own balls, while the pogoist seemed to be fine. That was the severest incidence of pain diffusion I have seen yet.
if he would’ve pulled that off it would’ve been bad ass
No, because he’d still own two pogo sticks.
REPOST FAIL!
No need to repost, it is right there on the top of the page.
*SNORK!!*
There is no way that hit his junk. It hit him right in the waist, maybe higher. No doubt it would hurt like hell, but not nearly as much as it could have.
actually that wasn’t in the nuts, that was in the stomach
So it didn’t hurt?
He doesn’t look like the “Abs of Steel” type so I’m gonna say it still did.
I’ll go with “Abs of Pudding”, what do you think?
Abs of Silly Putty
Abs of Play D’oh!
Forget abs of steal, I will love abs of veal when I am older.
behold the creation of Josè, douchebag on a stick!
Missed by that much
I’ve actually seen this particular Pogo trick done sccessfully before. I’m sure this guy saw the same thing I thought he could do it. Which its obvious how much he failed, but also he did not get hit in the jewels if you look closer it looks more like he got hit in the stomach.
lolz
That wasn’t a very bright idea
That was awesome even if he didnt land it!!!!
In response to Dragon’s update (Didn’t wanna post up there, looks like No-Man’s Land): Elsa_Mama’s strength and courage is a force to be reckoned with, and I revere her for that.
Here…I’ll repost it down here.
I’ve just received an email from Elsa_Mama…much to my great relief. I’ve been so worried about her all day. She sounds good, and she’s with people who love her. She says that all the comments, notes, and messages left for her on Lolcats and Failblog today have been a godsend, and she says that we are all awesome and sends her thanks. It really made a difference.
The funeral will be on Saturday, with visitation before that, so she says she will most likely be hanging around on the sites tomorrow. So I’m very hopeful that we will see her posting a bit tomorrow.
I hope I can catch her online tomorrow, then. Again, thank you.
Thanks Dragonwriter for the update. I know this is hard on you too.
Where was she from exactly or close to?. So can offer my prayers up to her and her direction.
She is in the world. Isn’t that enough?
Avis I would like to face in her direction. That is my heart talking not my warrior spirit.
you could spin in a circle while praying; it makes as much sence as needing to know where she is.
I am in Downers Grove, IL USA — a suburb of Chicago. Matt and I and my daughter Christine are accepting all good thoughts, prayers and energies how ever they are sent and based on whatever beliefs they are backed with. I trust that each person will send them in the way that is the most meaningful to them and thus the thoughts and prayers will likewise be the most meaningful to us.
Elsa,
Although no words can really help to ease the loss you bear, just know that you are very close in every thought and prayer.
If there’s anything I can do to help in any way, be it provide a meal or three, or clean your bathrooms, let me know. Dragon has both my e-mail and other forms of contact and my full permission to give them to you. If you need anything I can give, it’s yours.
Thank you Avis!
I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t live close enough to make good on my offers. I’m serious, if you need it (or just want it) and I can do it, I will.
Really. ^ I hear she cleans a mean bathroom.
But, all my bathrooms are nice!
I wish our bathrooms could meet. My bathrooms don’t take kindly to people to much.
*Ah-Scooches another ‘o’ into above post*
*snork*
Uh.. what do your bathrooms do to people? Remind me if I ever visit to use the facilities at the local McDonalds … and to not drink or eat too much while I am there…
Well I had a friend named Justin, see.
About three years ago he went to the bathroom, tonights the anniversary of his disappearence.
*looks over shoulder*
JUSTIN!? It IS you! Where have you be-AAAAAUUUGGH!
.
.
.
Is it just me or is that not a good plot for a movie?
People have made millions from less — just be sure you have T&A and lots of moronic men!
*Writes on note pad*
*ahem* I clean my parent’s entire apartment, bathrooms and all. Oddly enough, I would rather clean a bathroom than vacuum a room. I haven’t been able to figure out why.
I would rather load the dishwasher and wash the dirty dishes then unload the clean dishes —
Because vacuumable rooms are mean too. Case closed.
Fitting to this Fail — the current guest on the Tonight Show write about the fact that “All Men are Morons…”
Ah… he’s the director of the movie “Funny People”
Which, strangely enough, looks like an extremely un-funny movie.
Because it is based on the premise the all men are morans….
But… Adam Sandler…
I’m off — put the pups to bed and soak in the tub (with the jets on … awww) Just have to be sure I do not drop my Kindle into the water ….
Bye Elsa! Have a nice night.
G’night, Elsa_Mama.
*squeeze*
See you tomorrow.
*always seems to come when everyone else is leaving*
I promise you we don’t leave because you show up.
Elsa_mama always had a up beat spirit(personality) about her even when her son was sick. when she talked you could hear happiness in her voice. We are only given what we can handle(?).
We are given other people, so we don’t have to handle that which life gives us alone.
And I re-iterate, she is in the world, it is a sphere. Any happy thoughts, prayers, whatever you name them, will reach her.
Thank you (Meegwetch) I understand sometimes the long way is what I understand. Don’t hate me for that, I am not slow but need to get whole picture, not pieces.
“We are given other people, so we don’t have to handle that which life gives us alone”. Can I use this in my walk and teachings of life Avis?
You don’t need my permission to learn from what others might have to offer.
That was totally set up…
im sry but thts wat you get lol
At least he had enough common sense to wear some protective clothing.
oh wait…
IMO, that’s a pretty impressive fail.
OW! MY BALLS!!!
I believe I need to find another location for my computer.
It’s in a little alcove very near the kitchens trash can, and I now hate my sister for enjoying cantaloupe(Correct?) so much because it is GROSS when it rots.
Perhaps it is a goad to get you to take out the trash?
Interestingly enough, downstairs trash is my sisters responsibility.
I maintain that this is a gambit to get YOU to do it!
Well she IS pretty smart…
*tags Qwaz*
*hides*
You're it!Dang! And I was so looking forward to you being it again.
Well played, Ninja.
*Bows in direction of Ninjas footprints*
I have been gone a lot...Soccer thing?
That's right. Today, we won the game which puts us in the State Championship on Wednesday!!Right on!
So does this mean you relax tomorrow?
Well….atleast we know the pogosticks alright ^.^
*gives this comment a standing ovation*
*Checks watch* Twenty minutes. The pulse of this fail has officially slowed.
These things happen. I was just getting the update in the week end’s goings on.
Whoa! How do you people do this!?
Oh well. To any who pass by: Goodnight, see you tommorrow.
Night, Qwaz.
adios amigos
Actually, I believe the pogo stick won.
i 2nd that
There is no spoon oh and that hurt so much the other guy was grabbing his crotch
I was expecting a nutshot in that video, not just a cheap shot to the belly from the jealous inactive pogostick.
common guys he got really close lol it would have been pretty cool if he had actually made it and you know it
Ha… right in the giant tan pee pee.
Would have been pretty impressive if he pulled it off
would have been cool and it was so clsoe
Too lazy to wade through more than 500 comments. Thought I’d put it out there in case someone hadn’t commented about this yet: Anyone notice how as the second guy came up to the first, the hurt guy said, “Don’t touch–”? *smirk* Made me laugh harder!
sooo close. woulda been awesome lol oh well
odd, the guy who didn’t get nailed walked away clutching his nuts… telekinesis?..
nevverr can watch this video enough times
ahahha so funny.
why did the other guy grab his balls its not like anything happened to him -.-
sympathy?
I felt that in my ovaries… that I don’t have… but wish I did…
okay now that’s in the open… I hope this doesn’t change our relationship.
i think its a W I N !
becuz he almost made it and kicked sumone xD
“Don’t touch me!”
i just closed my eyes during the replay.. i couldnt handle it
Frankly, I think the dismount was spot on.
doode… i did the whole land wrong on a pogostick deal once…. handlebars hit me in the stomach like that. I was peeing blood for 2 days
i am the smartest person on earth
oh my god
is the pogostick alright
the kid holding the pogo stick looks like the singer from All Time Low.
That.
Is.
ACE!
Gotta go buy me a pogo stick!
funny stuff
someones gona b sterill
The parents should probably spend money on something other than a Mustang GT
That would have been awesome if he would have made it. Then it could have been a win… lol
watch carefully it doesn’t get his private bits
LOLZ
I cantz stop laufin
Pogostick for the lulz!
This guy has Balls! Had anyways
Keep it up – thats intense!
Fail now on the Jay Leno Show!!!
Has anyone actually noticed that it hits him in the stomach, not the balls?