Weapon Choice Fail
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Cheezburger Network Blog
Maybe they’re cereal killers.
En guard
*attacks with wotsits*
*blocks with a Butterfinger*
*stabs with a Twix*
It’s Rocky, my hero!
*swoon*
Haha! Fools! One-handed weapons are child’s-play!
*slashes with double pixie stix*
*avoids attack with a double backflip*
*throws cut-out chocolate throwing stars*
*Suprise attacks from behind with a cup of choclate milk*
*calls cops*
*cops tear down door, rush in and dunk their donuts in the chocolate milk*
Never dunk your donuts in company milk!
Pervert Noctaluca. LOL
*gets tazered by cops while sneaking up on them with a chocolate-coated baguette*
*jumps in* *attacks all with sweep of Extra Large Slim Jim* hah! face the wrath of my meat!
*BAM* Like my 3 Musketeers bar sword? *SHOOM*
*runs towards cops with reces peices and throws them at cops* that`ll teach cops to mess with me!
*dives behind couch, blindsides cops with duel wielded twinkies*
*attacks with twizzler nunchucks*
Are you fencing with me?
*Skips away from the fight*
..at least you did not quaver! *squeeze*
Yeah! But I can tell you it was no Picnic.
*squeeze*
You are a lion at heart really!
I’m BATMAN
This one was easy!
*just leaves running as fast as he can*
Good one jam !
That’d be funny if Cheetos were cereal. I think you may have them confused with Cheerios. One fail to you my condiment friend.
Is cornmeal not made from flour now?
Um, I think you answered your own question there. Its called CORNmeal because its made with corn, not flour.
Maize is a cereal. Cornmeal is ground maize. Flour is ground cereal.
But what do I know?
Yes it is a cereal. But a cheeto is so full of chemicals and additives that there probably isn’t enough cereal in there to even class it as one, despite what it says on the packaging in regards to the amount. I stand by my fail.
so cheetos are cereal? were I live cheetos are a cheesy-bacon puff snack.
You stand by your fail, yet you just admitted they are in fact cereal. Okaaaay then.
————-
Doesn’t “standing by one’s fail” equals admitting one was wrong?
Hehehe, good spot there Arthur.
Stand by your fail
And tell the world you love him
Keep giving all the love you can
Stand by your fail
Better than a deagle!
lol
Maybe one of them was allergic?
Cheetos – Fatal to those of a lactose intolerant disposal!
Maybe they created a cheesy puff so thick that the cheesy vapors caused… yeah. I got nothing.
Dangerously cheesy!
*sharpens edam*
mame? is that you?
It’s both the beaufort and after.
I heard it was a munster-ous fight!
Somehow? Isn’t that what’s really interesting?
Snack based danger, makes you wonder!
Is that a wonder of the golden variety?
They were amateurs. Now Jackie Chan with a Cheeto, that’s another story!
Not to forget Chuck Norris.
Crouching tiger, hidden cheeto.
Hidden where………oh…..erm…..oh dear, does the vicar know?
What about Mcgyver?
AFAIK, he preferred chewing gum.
I’ve never cared for Cheetos. By the way, my name is Ska! Nice to meet you all!
Hello!
*waves*
PUT YOUR HANDS UP!!! NOW LAY ON THE GROUND!! I HAVE A PUFFY CHEESE SNACK AND IM NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!!!! *steals wallet*
Hmmm…what kind of music do you listen to?
..Psychobilly Country fusion..
You’re my three minute hero!
WOW! Three times as long as most.
*is tempted to make the joke*
Doitdoitdoit!
I don’t care either way. I have to go out.
That’s more than… no.
In Soviet Russia… no.
Hmm, I got nothing.
That’s what she..? Chuck Norris…? Yeah, I can see where you were stuck.
Wotsit you’re on about?
*waves at Cap’n Ska”
I’ve been following failblog for so long I finally decided to join in the fun
*waves*
now go get an avatar *pokes in ribs*
I would if I knew how! You can believe that!
gravatar . com!
or wordpress
Can’t have been reading that long then. Tsk.
Gravatar.com
BAM
..or Damn?
Rawr!
A compromise would be “Dam”. Hoover?
He doesn’t suck that much.
I’m hoping the wit comes with time!
Dams suck? Oh, Hoover, I get it.
HEY! Hoover was a great president! He did major things to stimulate the economy while his enemy FDR was just blathering about how awesome he was and how Hoover screwed things up (he didn’t, read the book The presidency of Herbert C. Hoover.) The biggest act he made was the Home Loan Bank bill, which kept the hoovervilles from expanding. He also supported and himself created many local-level relief efforts, and (tried) to get charitable donations from bigwigs to help the relief efforts. (he did not do relief at the federal level until later, since he did not want to increase the national debt and use taxpayer money for this). Incedentially, if anyone sucks its Roosevelt, Hoover’s successor. FDR did SO much to mutilate Hoover it’s crazy. He blamed Hoover for the Great Depression,
… are you talking about the vacuum cleaner…?
HEY HEY hey. Hoover was one of, if not THE best presidents ever. If you want me to go into detail I can…
He was caught cheeting.
Well she was something of a puff, too.
Wait… Shelbyville? It exists? Leave Springfield alone!
They did not steal the lemon tree?
Caffeine? Ooooh, where, where, where?? WhErE?!
Splblargh!
Sorry about the mess.
*passes shamwow*
I do not think you need any of my shiny sparkly caffeine.
*hides her fairy dust*
My question is, why report you were assaulted by cheetos…isn’t that embarrassing in itself?
Ask not or you’ll not like the answer.
Because maybe one of them poked their eye out?
Cheetos are dangerous weapons?
*sigh*
Those lolcats would get it.
Dd=∑(Nu X Lu)/Ab
My brain works differently!
Eh?
Equals?
Fail?
And on that note, I’m outta here!
*waves and squeezes*
*squeeze*
*sigh*
Em?
(I’ll finish this joke myself if no one jumps in! You have been warned!)
Fine.
See?
squared?
WOOHOO! You got it!
*squeeze*
*facepalm*
i thought that, then second guessed myself to the alphabet thing.
*squeeze*
(p.s that is the method for working out the drainage density of any drainage basin I just posted..not quite the same level really!)
BRAVO !
*clap clap clap* Einstein would be proud.
Einsteins got the clap?
(don’t tell Marylin Monroe)
I did not get it- I am either slow…..or different- that is what I was typing at the time!
-bit like a typing brain frt!
It’s a lolcat game. They do this thing where they ask a question and for every letter of the alphabet, they come up with an answer.
I should know better than to try these things outside of their natural habitats.
ah- and I actually continued it on by accident *snork*
I gotta pay attention to what is on my clipboard- sorry!
Does make sense to me.
Easy once you figure it out.
Free squeeze for you!
Geez.
How are we supposed to know?
I have never seen that before.
Go Morbid mistress
*Hides herself*
*in mortification*…….is that even a word
Jeebus, this is fun.
Kit kats might have been messier.
Laughing, i would be anyway, on my way to jail.
MM is good at this
Never will I learn
Oh to be that good!
Please don’t stop!
Quitters never prosper
Remember this well.
Simply answer the question from the first line.
Thank you for such kind words.
Ugly is that “quit” word.
*i didnt really follow the rules here*
Visions of repercussions to come
Won’t stop me from writing despite
xenophobic tendencies
*There was no question on the first line, and x is hard to do!
*
ZOINKS! last letter already
*first line, meaning the letter A*
You forgot one!
“Ask not or you’ll not like the answer.” ?
That’s not a question!
D’oh! oh lordy..is this time for the bukkit?
I think the “ask not” question was pertaining to the actual fail….Wait, that wasn’t a question.
*brain is mushy today*
Aw, I love you anyway! *squeeze*
Tym asked the question. I was providing some alphabetical answers.
Ah, I see. It was so far up I didn’t see it!
Next time I’ll remember (and hopefully not get stuck with Q,V and X again!) 
Are you saying you read comments on ICHC?
Because that’s crazy talk.
Cat comment posters just seem to abort the English language with a spork.
Don’t tell me anyone actually reads that and lives.
I do. Every day. And I love it. I also like FB.
*ABCD ^^*
and we love you too
*smoochie squeeze*
all thats missing is the picture of them being halled away with a guy in a chester the cheetah fursuit following behind them in cuffs as well! =3
Your callous disregard for fursuiters has upset the furries. Once the Robo-Scientologists invade the earth once again, don’t expect them to save you from a fate of Country Music and really terrible movies. Hope you like Battlefield Earth, because that’s the first movie your Robo-Scientologist torturers will make you watch.
the sad thing is they were hauled off in handcuffs. For fighting with cheetos? Isn’t it a bit of a stretch to charge them with domestic assault for having a snack fight? I mean it cost them both $2500 bail… I don’t know who fails worse, them for fighting or the police for actually arresting them.
Neither – the biggest fail is the state’s legislators. Because they’re so afraid of someone saying they’re “supporting wife-beaters,” most states have passed insanely draconian laws forcing the police to take someone to jail any time they’re called. No exceptions, ever. And because both the laws and the judicial system are one-size-fits-all, the cheeto-throwers typically get punished just as harshly as the ones who put their victims in the hospital.
One friend of mine spent a weekend in solitary for throwing a hamburger at her boyfriend. Another spent three days in jail and $3000 in lawyer’s fees because he tried to hug his wife when was pissed off and didn’t want to be hugged. (Washington state law says any unwanted touch of any kind is domestic abuse. Yes, literally.)
FOOOOOD FIGHT!
I just had a wordpress error: “You are posting your comments too quick. Slow down.”
WTF?
*ROFFLE!*
Then what you do is say “f*ck you” and kick her with your power-legs!
NO!
She’ll be all like “Sloooooow dooooown”
And you’ll be like
“f*ck you” and kick her with your energy legs!
In fact sometimes that’s not right to do
Sometimes you’ve got to make some love
And f*ckin give her some smoochies too
Tenacious D *dunno how to do the special thingies*
Argh! I knew something was gonna be wrong in my post, just couldn’t pick it out.
it’s ok, it was plucking funny anyway.
This isn’t the Autobahn Arthur, we have speed limits!
Scheiße!
*marches off (slowly)*
Should have said “JAWOHL!”
JAWOHL?
(Yippee, the good smileys are back!
)
(I know it means yessir, but I don’t understand where you should have said it!)
Autobahn, marching, JAWOHL… C’mon, don’t tell me all those stereotypes about us Germans don’t work anymore! Where did I park my tank?
The only stereotypes I have of Germans are:
1) efficiency
2) good quality meat
3) good beer
Is there a fourth I’m not aware of?
4) all round decent people I have always found.
I dunno, I’ve met my share of German a$$holes, every country has them.
Only ever met one- he did not expect an 8 year old English girl to understand exactly what he said….and reply! (I love the fact my mum used to speak German, French and Latin with my dad in an effort to not be understood!)
LOL! Epic win!
Yeah great. We conquered almost all of Europe and now we don’t even get stereotyped for that? WHAT MORE COULD WE HAVE DONE?!?
Pff, almost everyone has done that at some point! It’s old news!
Rome
England
Spain
France
Germany
America…
Mongolia
Persia
Greece
Wherever the Celts came from
(or at least, they were all partially successful)
EnglandUSA / USSR
Sweden
Austria
The Huns (the real Huns, not us)
Greece
Oh yeah! Don’t forget the Turks!
The Osman Empire? Only the southeast. Then we must also count the Arabs. When did the Persians and the Celts conquer Europe?
The Celts held most of Western Europe before the Romans all but wiped them out, Persians didn’t get very far, I think they were halted by the Spartans and Greeks. Xerxes.
Walmart
McDonald’s
That doesn’t really count then, does it?
Starbucks
*snork at Katz*
True I suppose. He only tried, like the Carthaginians. Walmart has very few (if any) stores outside of the states.
hem- I think Asda is owned by them now.
I stand corrected, but still they only have stores in Britain, that’s hardly an invasion of Europe!
They seem to stick to the greater Americas.
They used to be in germany…but they had to close down! there were quite a few!
USA
Canada
Mexico
UK
Japan
Argentina
Brazil
Puerto Rico
China
South Korea
and until recently Germany.
Indeed, but still, they only have stores in one country in Europe and three others outside of the Americas. I stand by my point!
McDonalds however…….
Bluergh! I don’t like McDonalds! But they are everywhere! And Burger King, Microsoft, Google, Coca Cola, etc, etc.
I have a picture I took in Africa….of a taxi rank sponsored by Coca Cola *sighs*
:O … I wonder about this one…
*covers Arthur’s tracks with farfalle for caltrops*
That’s nothing. Anpu once decapitated a man using nothing but a wet spaghetti noodle. I guess “dangerously cheesy” is a case of truth in advertisement.
*uses Bugles on fingertips as claws*
*opens bag of Doritos to use as throwing stars*
Alright, lets rumble!
G’morning FB people.
*squeezies*
*loads tank with large wheels of edam*
*squeeze*
*squeeze*
*puts marshmallows on horns to prevent serious accidents*
*squeeze*
*loads custard powered grenades with rice krispie shrapnel*
Looks like we are ready to go, Cap’n Crunch!
Who are we warring against?
The Keebler Elves!
Cheerios!
I don’t know. I think Cheetos would hurt if someone happened to get you in the eye. BTW, I’m Lea, it’s nice to meet you all! I’ve been lurking for a while and I love the comments threads!
Welcome Lea!
Hello princess!
Yay!
*capers happily*
*waves*
may the 4s’ be with you
Nice to meet you.
HIDEEHOOOOOO LEA!!!
Watch out for this guy!
^^ yeah… my momma tells me rainbows taste like cheetos!
hey your hideyhoo is not for waving about there mister!
Oh my mistress! I didn’t see you there…
*bows down to the ground and kisses mistress’s feet*
aaahahahaha!
ok, ok enough, it tickles
*whips out the french tickler*
Look out baby we’ve got the tools!
Where do you want these?
*indicates boxes of “Black Mambos” and “Crocodile Ribs”*
*whispers and tries to hold a grin*
dude… not yet!
heeeey! how did you get the key to my box?
uhm… my mistress *tears on collar*
I’m sorry… but this is mine!!! you gave it to me together with the motordickle!! I paid for it!!! don’t you remember???
look up thread to see where my brains turned to mush.
*apologizes with sweet kisses*
up as in up ^^^ there a lil bit.
Hideyhoo. I’ve heard a lot of words for that, but never that one!
You would know if you would’ve seen it ^^
I don’t like the lolcats comments section! It moderated my attepts at lol speak!
The first comment there is always moderated. Always. That’s why they asked us to make a random comment there before the production of Star Wars, if we wanted to take part in it.
That’s a pretty good idea actually, does it take long to come out of moderation?
Took mine about half a day, I think.
Nah, I’ve tried posting 3 time now, all have been moderated!
lolcats hates me.
*squeeze*
*pats scales*
I am sure it will all work out.
*sniff*
You think?
*looks hopefully at K@*
they did say it could take up to a day to be released from moderation over there.
Wow, that’s just unfriendly! So I can’t post there until tomorrow?
That sucks and blows at the same time!!!!
i posted yesterday, and i am still moderated.
yeah! I hear ya!!! Same thing here I just checked!!!
Why the kitties not like us?
I even tried to post in lolspeak!
*sniffles*
the kittehs love us, the forum…not so much
They have a lot more trolls than we do, so their security system is a lot stricter… I think.
My comments have disappeared, they’re not even waiting in moderation anymore!
poor poor gaynorvader♂ !!
did it woik???
No, maybe it’s because I’m a dragon?
must be!!!! I would do something to help you… but I’m only noctaluca…
you have my sympathy though!!!
I think that it is because ICHC is a rather less “adult” forum than FB. I even got moderated for spelling a county on the South coast of England in full (it ends with 3 letters that have another meaning)
Most comments take 2 – 3 hours to get out of jail – it depends on the content.
I wrote something along the lines of
“Duz I haz to speakz in da lol speak on dis?”
aww… *patpatpat* keep trying. i have been posting there for a year and a half now, and i’ve had perfectly harmless, family-friendly comments moderated into oblivion. it happens to all of us. just keep trying. (anni might be on to something, maybe the “gay” at the front of your name is tripping the filter, although that would be stupid. maybe try an alias?)
(understand, please, *i’m* not saying there’s anything wrong with “gay” or your name or anything, it’s just that after having some experience with the bizarre perplexities of ICHC and WP moderation, it’s a possibility)
That’s a good idea! I’ll try that.
(my second name is actually “Gaynor”, I had the same problem on Xbox Live, I even complained and they said my name could cause offense. BS, so I sold my Xbox and now will have nothing to do with it!)
The two “X” in Xbox offend me.
I got a PS3 and a on Home now, they accept me! *sniff*
*squeeze*
Yay! Acceptance! Now to try ICHCB again! *sigh*
What?!
In Soviet Russia, comments moderate you!!
BTW, where did my screen name go? It kind of disappeared after I got my avatar. This honestly still is Lea… but I didn’t see this coming.
On your replies you can change your name as often as you like in the Name (required) box, if it doesn’t match I’m not sure what the issue is.
The Name box isn’t there anymore! It just says “Logged in as lcm1840. Log out>>”. If this can’t be fixed…. screen name fail.
If you’re logged into WordPress, it keeps you logged in when you go from blog to blog. You need to log out in order to change your name.
Like that.
Like how? Is there any way to get the name box back?
Go over to nickname, change it to Lea, and then go to the dropdown thing under display name publicly as. It should change then.
Ahhhh, much better. Thank you!
A guy goes to visit his doctor in a panic, “Doc, my penis has turned bright orange!” The doctor instructs him to disrobe, examines the man carefully, then tells him to go ahead and get dressed. “Well, Doc? Is it bad?” the man asks.
The doctor rubs his chin and asks “Have you been fired from your job recently?”
The man is shocked, “How did you know?!”
To which the doctor replies, “Something tells me you’ve been laying on the sofa all day watching porn and eating cheetos.”
I’m not eating cheetos for a while.
A guy goes to visit his doctor in a panic, “Doc, my penis has turned bright orange!”
The doctor replies that this is a very rare condition and that he has to to look it up in a book. “Here we have it … Color change in the penis … let’s see … Blue penis: requires amputation … Yellow penis: requires amputation … Green penis: requires amputation …”
The patient turns pale and gasps in horror.
The doctor continues: “Here it is: Orange penis: doesn’t require amputation…”
The patient breathes a sigh of relief.
“…falls off on its own.”
I heard that one as a guy visiting the island of Bagoomboo. A witch doctor warns him that if he has sex with any of the native girls, he’ll be cursed with a fate worse than death. He meets a beautiful girl on beach, starts thinking with his other brain, and decides it was just superstition.
After he gets back, it starts turning all sorts of colors. Every doctor he goes to asks if he recently visited Bagoomboo, then tells him he has Bagoomboo Penis Rot and needs immediate amputation. He goes back to island in a panic and finds the witch doctor, who tells him
“That silly, it no need cut off…”
“Once it turn purple, it fall off by itself in day or two.”
The horror…
Maybe he cheeto on her?(did anyone say that)
Those are the Simpsons’ antagonists in Shelbyville!
FRIED SHRIMP
DRIED IMP
SHREDDED SUCCUBUS.
BOILED BUMBLEBEES
Hey, that’d make a pretty good G-rated expletive, no?
If the police call involved cheetos, I really, REALLY wanna see the transcript.
* dodges milk dud bullets while throwing a calbury egg grenade*
am so badass
this is one CHEESEy fail. (/badpun)
I keep reading “Teen couple”.
Only in Shelbyville
… the real fail here is that they were actually charged with assault for attacking each other with something that doesn’t even hurt when thrown. wtf? it’s cheetoes. They gonna start arresting little kids for food fights now?
A fight to the death! With the dangerous cheetoes one will decide who is the better wielder in the battle of the cheesiest. Its so dangerous that they have to have the police stop it before anyone gets hurt.
Crime scene investigators place number markers next to Cheetos instead of bullet casings. This is going to be a tough case to crack.
i live in tenn!
FAIL: “they were charged with domestic assault. No one was hurt.”
also slightly predictable that no1 woz hurt, lol
dangerously cheesy.
Well,they can be a choking hazard.However,I do wonder how it can be considered assault.There was a cop who arrested a man for farting on him one time.He was arrested for assault.So I guess farting in somones general direction can be considered assault now? I’d be afraid of holding it in so long that I spontaneously combust.
*someones…sorry
Maybe it was Cartman… All he had on hand was Cheezy Poofs!
Got one better than that. A friend of my got arrested for assaulting a gas station clerk by throwing cookies at him…
That’s right! Make Chester proud!
Someone got Cheeted on!
Transfat kills. (:
so do cheetos didn’t you see when chester cheeto snorted some cheetos
They cheeted! they used cheetos them cheeters! LOL!!!!
Can I have a bag of your “Assualt”?