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Cheezburger Company Blog
That is my Child.
piss!
LOL! I think I miss out on having just a girl.
Not when it’s time to clean the bathroom.
Hadn’t thought of that one.
.
But we are considering adopting a 6 year old boy.
Make sure he has good aim!
*squeezes all failfriends*
You can adopt me, I am house broken.
*squeeze*
Ok, jules! Pack your things and let’s get going. You’ll be in the upstairs bedroom over the kitchen. We just installed a new ceiling fan, too!
Hey! What about me?
I’m little and don’t eat much!
Pleeeeeeese?
Winter is coming and I’ve nowhere enough acorns stored up and despite what everyone thinks, a hollow tree isn’t the lap of luxury by far.
Ok, you get the upstairs bedroom above our daughter’s room. And that’s the last bedroom available (all 5 are now taken).
Will it bother you when you hear S. Bob rustling around up there at night?
Hey, Jules – did that storm hit you yesterday? (early afternoon)
Well not really. It was north of my house, but I had to drive through it to get to obedience class, and it really sucked.
We had HAIL here! Quarter size. A ton of it, too, along with quite a lot of rain. The hailstorm lasted for 15 minutes. I’d never seen anything like it – especially in July.
Well, if you squeeze too hard you might pee on the carpet…
Put Cheerios in the toilet and have him try to sink them.
*Squeezes to all*
That is an excellent idea! I’m gonna try that with my nephew. He’s being stubborn about potty training.
I can see him now… pushing them down with his hands…
Spoil sport!
I’m goint to try that on my brother-in-law. When he drinks, he pees all over my toilet.
We have a friend with that problem, with or without alcohol.
I finally made a little sign to put on top of the tank.
“If the bat is too short please step closer to the plate.”
*snork*
*guzzles 10 Tsing Tao’s*
*throws some rice noodles in toilet*
WEEEEE!!!! Who needsh telebisshun?
I see you’re having a good time Brewski, regardless of whether or not you’re upside down.
WOAH! Jimbo! Howsh you stan’ onna your head like dat? Stooper-powerfull!
Just grab hold of the floor Brewski, the world will stop spinning in a little while. You are not drunk until you can’t lay on the floor without holding on.
*squeezes Brewski*
You can hang onto me, Brewski.
Hee! It is a tried and tested family method. I hope it works for you.
OVER NINE-THOUSAND!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oo
/__________________
|___________________
\
And Shoop-da-whoop.
That’s great, boys are fun. I think adoption is awesome too.
I’m adpoted and would like to return the favor.
.
Nobody is a better parent than someone who is willing to take someone else’s unwanted child and call that child their own. I was given opportunities that I never would have received had I not been adpoted.
have I ever told you I love you velvet?
*squeeze K@*
.
Nope. Well, not in the last few hours, anyways.
.
*squeezes for all who think adoption is great*
Oooh! Oooh! Me too! Me too!
*SKA-WEEEEEEEZE*
Ooooo!!!! *squeezes to all adoptees and adopters* (am planning on adopting, too)
You could adopt me too! Not only am I housebroken, I can cook!
Although I do admittedly miss the toilet on occasion.
Ok, brewski. You can have the upstairs bedroom above the living room.
.
And occasionally share my bedroom… :smooch:
Yay! Should I call you Mommy?
*smooch!*
Ah, no. That would be…weird.
Ok.
Who’s your daddy, then?!
You’re doing a wonderful thing!
*squeezie*
Muppets?!
I mean, I heard the rumours about Bert and Ernie. But really now!
It’s my new clicky. It’s safe.
Youtube is BLOCKED!! Curses!
Here:
.
Still blocked. It’s always a crap shoot here.
Hey, that’s my line!
*squeezes K@*
*other side of the world squeezes*
*wipes stray tear*
*big squeezie from me, the wife, and Viktor (the kid)*
Amen to that.
Are you new, Skrat?
Long time lurker…Came out of the closet.
Ha! Great, welcome aboard!
I’m about the sign off, I really need some sleep tonight.
A little sight-seeing is on the agenda for tomorrow.
Sleep is for the weak. Just sayin’.
Tks…I hear there is a wall or something over there. Might be worth a glance.
You‘re one to talk Bearly!
And sleep is necessary. I found out!
Yep, I sleep for the week whenever I have the chance!
(sorry for the repeat)
♪ Who needs sleep?
No you’re never gonna get it!
Who needs sleep?
Tell me what’s that for?!
Who needs sleep?
Be grateful for what you gettin’,
This guy’s been awake since the second World War! ♫
Check his Warranty First! Maybe get a “KidFax” and scrutinize his history thoroughly. You never know what kind of damage is covered up under that shiny exterior. And they never have that “new kid smell” when you get a second hand one, (but that’s a blessing)!
We adopted an 18mo old from Siberia. He will be 6 in Aug, and we are on the waiting list for a 6-12 month old girl from China, hopefully we will be traveling in Dec ’10. Also, 3 dogs, 4 cats, and a turtle. Somehow we just can’t say “no”. Go figure. Good luck and do what’s right for you.
We adopted a lovely lil’ newborn girl 7 years ago from a Private / Non-Profit Adoption Agency* in Denver. The wait was only about 15 months start to finish. We were “too old” for the local Catholic Charities Agency and the “Out of Country” adoption just wasn’t feasible for us.
*I’d pass on more info, but they have since closed.
We are using Great Wall China Adoption for our girl. The boy took 18 months from Lutheran Social Services. The girl is going to take around 3 yrs. But hey she’ll only be 1/2 the cost. Discount for patience??
I’m just glad you gave that poor abandoned turtle a good home.
*sniff*
It’s so beautiful!
(Ok, in all seriousness, thanks guys for having the heart to share your lives with a child who needs you. It breaks my heart that adoption is necessary though.)
Hey, don’t thank us. The turtle brings undescribable joy to the house. The kid just pees on the toilet…the floor…his bookshelf (woke up in the middle of the night. Had to go. Got out of bed. Whipped it out and hit the closest thing to him)…bath tub…sink…
I do that too, but usually only when whiskey or tequila are involved. I know at least on house where I am no longer welcome if I’m drinking.
*slips an “e” into comment before it’s missed*
We had to buy a new refrigerator after that stunt of yours, Jimbo!
Whoa, wait a sec. I was talking about a dresser! Did I pull that at your house too?
You don’t remember?!
Well then, I’m off to my AA meeting. I’ll pick up a new fridge for you on the way home.
*squeeze*
*bear hug*
Aardvark Adventure?
Umm… adoption is the only alternative for some folks. I can’t have kids of my own, so I’m kinda glad the option is there. Not necessarily the circumstances that create the option though.
We tried everything else first. Although, I must say getting the “samples” for the fertility doc was fun. Ms Skrat wasn’t thrilled about the process for hers though. In the end, it all works out.
I was adopted as an infant. Was always treated like the real deal (and was parents’ first kiddo – later, one more adoption and then 2 “real” ones).
Adoption is a Very Good Thing
*squeezes WhoaNellie’s entire family*
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww… *SQUEEZES* back!
My father has a similar story. He was adopted and then a little girl because my gramma was told she wouldn’t be able to have kids. Then she had 3 of her own. My dad was always treated the same and my grandparent’s are amazing.
It’s a little difficult when trying to give family medical history tho, almost all my answers are “I really don’t know”. But adoption is a very very good thing.
*squeeze for all*
My son got stung by a bee for the first time a couple of weeks ago and we freaked out not knowing if he was allergic. Never really thought about it until it happened. Turns out the bee was allergic to him…Go figure.
Maybe you’ll get a shemale?
Nobody knows….
did he DIE?
this is my nephew
That’s where the mannequin pi$$ keeps getting taken to!
Manneken Pis (“mannequin” in fact derives from “manneken”, diminutive for “man”)
Thanks! I was in a bit of a rush to ward off F*rsters.
AAAAHH!!! Czuhc, your beard is on fire!!!
*unzips and aims high*
Whoops!
Sorry, BFF. Here, you can have my last box of ShamWows.
You need to keep that fire hose under control buddy. Look at this place!
Happens all the time when I’m filling me pipe too enthusiastically.
Have-A-Tamp(a) Czuhc.
To water plants properly do a 180 degree turn. Resume tinkling.
Just watch out for other “sprinklers” out there.
*squeezes malicite and emperor*
.
Good morning!
*squeezes* Happy Wednesday!
Mornin’, folks!
Morning Mal, Emperor and Judy! *squeeze*
Góöd mørníng! *šquéěže*
Foreign squeezies!
*earflicks gaynorvader*
.
What am I, chopped liver?
.
*squeezes gaynorvader anyways*
Er…It’s because I’m blind see? B)
No, I’m not.
Sorry velvet! I don’t know how I managed such a monumental c0ck up!
*extra-special squeeze*
I said B) instead of 8) as well!
*squeezes in to enjoy the squeezes from everybody*
*pounce!*
*Passes squeezes around like they’re going out of style*
*Squeezes Ms B, Brewski and GBF*
Brewski!!! *squeeze*
Did you get a chance to see the eclipse or were you not in the right part of China?
I really wanted to, but I’m just a bit too far south. Just a partial eclipse here. Oh well, a full moon is often visible when I’m around, so I guess I just gotta roll with it.
*squeeze*
Squeeze party!! Woo hoo!!
*squeezes for everyone!*
Grows Mr Tickle arms in order to be able to squeeze everyone.
*Sneaks in to join the squeezes*
No need to sneak Bearly! You’re welcome to the squeezes!
*squeezes Starfish, Katz, k@ and Bearly*
*insinuates himself into the squeeze party*
*bear hugs everyone, at once*
*roundup squeeze*
I don’t think I can miss you with these pipes.
Oh and just would like to add,
I GOT MY G YESTERDAY!!!
WOOOOOO, yes it is a little late, 2 years and going one year before the expiry date but I got it. Now I can have younger passengers in the car.
When I was your age, “getting a G” meant something completely different.
Almost forgot:
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
Time for a pool party?
*offers to help brew across the street*
What did it mean?
Don’t pretend you aren’t hip and young at heart brew.
Yeah, I’m not sure what “getting a G” means exactly, but good for you! *High
sixfive*Oh and yea sorry about that, I have been having internet troubles, the ground breaking is happening tomorrow. I AM BUBBLING WITH EXCITEMENT. I wan you all here (at my house) in august. Use aiki’s site to get here and well, REAL LIFE POOL PARTAY!!!
He just called today to say they are coming tomorrow.
@Bearly: Oh and yes, I am now a fully licensed driver. Basically what it means. I know back a couple of years getting your g1 was called your 365. Well now the steps are g1 -> g2 -> g. On a side note I brought my sister so she could get her g1. She got is as well.
Well, let’s just say “G” stood for “gram”. Draw your own conclusions.
*squeeze*
*special squeeze for Bearly before Brewski signs off*
Aww, thanks! Have fun tomorrow! Take pictures, but spend more time without a camera in front of your face. It makes for a much better experience. But I’m pretty sure you already knew that.
@ Brewski: Grandma nooooooo!
*congrats squeeze for Emp*
And an extra *smooch* for the hell of it.
It’s a plant I tell you…
Your plant is leaking miss.
You have sown the seeds of doubt.
I’m a pee to pip in if needed.
*had a pea/pee dilemma*
Water you talking about?
Not sure really. Mostly, I’m just dripping out.
No whey.
I soiled it. My comments just aren’t fluid.
How on earth can you feel that way Jam, you are awash in puns today.
One day I’ll land myself in trouble with the comment surges.
(They don’t always make sense)
Oh for peat’s sake, stop worrying and just go with the flow Jam.
Thanks Marius. I try to stay grounded but the insecurities flood through.
*ebbs away*
*Tips hat*
I must bow out now Jam.
A deluge of work has hit my desk and I need to start digging my way through it.
TTFN!
There always seems to be a steady stream of work.
*Reaps*
Urine luck! It’s ingrained in me to offer assistance.
That’s perfect! Without your help, I’m just a dribbling mess.
I was hoping to sow some wild oats, I’m glad I didn’t waste my time.
Your lant is meaking, p!ss.
Eggs of numbing inevitability BB?
*hands BB 4 chunky kit-kats melted together, so he can pretend to be a pixie*
A tiny little pixie?
That’s one way to get to the front of the checkout line.
Or just get thrown out of the store.
I thought it was this statue! clicky
LOL! How come in two dimensions it’s considered gross, but on a 3D statue, it’s considered art? One of the great mysteries of life?
I think that the difference between art and life here is the fact that the artistic statue is peeing water, while we assume the drawing is actually peeing. So the artistic statue is a glorified representation of real life.
[/nerd]
I love it when you talk nerd fluffy!
So what about peeing is glorious?
The glint of sunlight reflecting rainbows from the glistening stream gently pitter-pattering down into the pool sending little droplets leaping majestically into the air before crashing back down sending ripples out. What’s not glorious about it?!
If you pee on the concrete floor at Home Depot, some customer is not going to be watching where they’re going and slip in the pee, fall, and get a concussion, and then sue the šhit out of Home Depot! What’s glorious about a lawsuit?
$$$
I don’t know. Maybe what I meant to say before is what about the SIGHT of peeing is glorious. It’s smelly, liquid, yellow waste coming out someone’s, you know.
Wow, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that…
Actually, urine is sterile and only smells if the person’s diet is bad. Most of urine in made up of urea and water, so isn’t just waste either. Urine is actually full of minerals and has a variety of uses. Yum!
*lurker pounces from shadows*
Or you could just get Hep A from it.
It doesn’t smell bad and it’s not yellow, if you drink enough water, that is.
Warum?????????????
I don’t think the sign is trying to say “no peeing off of the cart” (but it does look like that’s what the silhouette kid is doing). It’s saying “don’t let your kid ride on the cart because they may fall”. The curved dotted line is describing the kid’s trajectory should the cart come to a sudden stop.
Nothing to do with vandalism.
I think the dotted line has been cunningly drawn on with a black marker.
I have come up with a plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
Ahh, where is Sully when we need him!!!
What is that from? I know I know it, I just can’t remember right now.
*guesses*
X-files?
I think that would have been “Scully” and Scully was a she anyway so…… I think it’s from a book, but can’t remember which one.
The british office?
I prefer, “How can I soar with the eagles when I’m surrounded by turkeys?”
I was talking about Captain Sullenbarger, the very cool-headed gentleman who landed his plane in the Hudson after it’s engines were knocked out by birds. Quite a hero, that gentleman.
But do we know where the quote is from? This is going to drive me batty!
I’m pretty sure it was Ricky Gervais’ character (David Brent or something like that) in The Office.
But I’ve never seen that. And I know the quote!
John Benfield?
*shrugs*
My math teacher for the past 2 years has had that quote stuck on the wall in his classroom for said 2 years. I don’t think it originated from “The Office”, I think “The Office” merely used it and popularized it.
*removes Jimbo’s superfluous apostrophe, just because I’m that kind of a guy*
I hate that rule! Its porridge, it’s porridge! Gah!
Pea’s porridge hot… peas porridge cold…
Hmmm, my porridge tastes funny.
wait a minute…ewww, peas!
I just got it off a website with bumper sticker quotes!
Clicky!
So cunning you can stick a tail on it and call it a weasel?
SNAP!
How on earth did you manage to get so much custard out of such a small kitten?
Couldn’t face the enemy guns without my stick sir.
How are you feeling, Darling?
Not too great sir. Hoped to get through this whole thing, carry on at Pratt and Sons, keep wicket for the Croyden Gentlemen, marry Doris. Wrote one word in my diary on the way here. Simply says, “Bugger.”
I remember this because I did it in a performance a couple of months ago. Might not be perfect, but =P
Iunno about custard, but if you have the right brush, you can procure insane amounts of fur from cats. I have a small cat, but the pile of fur could end up being as big as her when I’m done brushing her. And if I pick her up… the fur gets all over my clothes, and even up my nose!
So that’s what the rubber hose is for!
So what’s that thingy where the “trajectory” is coming from?
And why is dad levitating?
Why is dad’s head not attached to his body?
Venus flytraps?
Isn’t that a woman on the right? No man should have an hourglass figure like that!
If that’s the father, then why isn’t he holding one of his hands limp? Could this have to do with his missing left hand? Why am I answering questions with more questions?
“Does my bum look big in this?”
He has got a big bum, but that still doesn’t explain the moobs.
So that’s dad’s blood dripping from junior’s hands?
The fiend!
I don’t see any hands at all, I see a head, torso, arms, legs, an ašs, and a hidey-hoo!
Oh. You mean on the dad?! Well… Venus flytraps.
Comment following FAIL
Introducing the automatic child-piss machine with turbo action!
To water your plants? You’ve got to face it the right way first!
I wonder how the compost is dispensed?
Through the back door?
*squeezes 2 of Starfish’s tentacles*
Hello my marine friend.
Nein, das ist Wienerschnitzel. (Did I spell all that right? I only know a few words in German.)
mmmm…. Wienerschnitzel….
Fluffy dear, you need to keep these thoughts about german sausage to yourself. What will the neighbors think? German men coming and going at all hours…
Her neighbors are used to it, Jimbo.
I wasn’t talking about arthur…
The Wienerschnitzel is not a sausage.. it’s a boneless cut of meat… and the neighbors are already used to hearing me moaning at dinner time. Yummy…
They’re not small dogs???
Wienerschnitzel is what human legs taste like to small dogs, especially after you pišs them off.
oh my god that is sick, well the sign is there because it happened !!
YEah! no chiz! Im here weres the patient pi$$
Hullo!
Only few people know that Manneken Pis has a female counterpart, Jeanneke Pis (clickie).
Oh, gord! *Must now kill all relatives who own computers to prevent new family nickname*
POH{HOVS G2G afhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
It’s a urinary track invention.
This is a clever path you’re trying to get us on.
You followed the breadcrumb trail easily enough.
Really, I blazed my way right through it.
Just a straight shooter…
Yeah, but I enjoy the FB tendency to take the road less travelled.
A true trailblazer…
Oooh! Rolled a double!
My mind keeps trailing off to other places.
You should try to get your thoughts on a straighter path.
I’m starting to think said path is leading nowhere.
True story…
My brother had troubles with the potty training. My mom was at the hardware store and he decided he had to go to the bathroom. He wandered off and found the toilet aisle. My mom was so embarrassed, but excited that he finally used the facilities!!!
They shouldn’t put them in the middle of the floor like that. Their own fault I say.
*snorkroffle!*
How did he turn out? Would he be able to go into Chan’s store without getting arrested?
I know you’re gone to bed and all, but I’m going to answer your question anyway. He’s fairly normal…I guess…I don’t think you’d catch him in Chan’s store though!
I was just joking of course.
Giving the goods a test drive in an “adult” store would be even worse than test-driving the toilets in a home store.
*squeeze!*
Had to get that in!
I will clean it up, have you seen the mop?
*hands 5 eagles a shamwow*
We don’t use a mop around here!
what a shamwow? I have seen you fbs say it lots of times.
(I have a black sharpie marker and I aint afraid to use it. )
I wish we didn’t have to post dumb signs like this.
Let kid stand on flatbed cart over concrete floor = catastrophic ouchies.
Parenting Fail?
Parenting win, little boys learn by making mistakes. That’s why God made them so they bounce. “Hey, that hurt! Maybe next time I won’t do that.”
We call that lesson “concussion”, kids!
Next we’re gonna learn about internal bleeding!
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!
Leila! *Squeeze* You missed the squeeze party!
There’s much peeness going on here, which is nice.
*jamsqueeze*
Pea plants in aisle seven, no peeness on the peaness please.
*Brewskisqueeze*
That’s right! I definitely don’t want to do clean up on aisle seven.
Peeness. *snork*
HEY! When did they bring back the old emoticons?!
Hooray!!
Can we still get an :angel: though?
No!
*pat pat*
!!
There, there. At least we can still be
I saw that last night on my laptop and I thought it was just me!
How do you do mad face?
That one is : twisted : (no spaces).
mad :mad)
:MAD:
Just like that except lower case
Ok 5 Eagles…here’s a list for you. All you have to do is type the word in lower case letter between two colons –> ::
smile =
grin =
sad =
eek =
shock =
??? =
cool =
mad =
razz =
lol=
oops =
cry =
evil =
twisted =
roll =
! =
? =
idea =
arrow =
mrgreen =
Some of them are the same but with different words in between the ::. Okay?
Is that how everyone does their smileys? With the exception of trying to get the blushing one, I was using : ) types.
There isn’t one specific way of doing it SD.
allrighty, and thank you so much
Oh, thank you so much! I was wondering how to get them.
You are very welcome.
Thanks leila. Now I have to write them all out and keep the list handy.
OMG!!!! The normal smileys are back!!!!! I am sooooooo happy.
*ok. compose yourself*
Hello everyone and *squeeze*
I couldn’t particularly care about the smileys, but I’m super happy you’re here.
*bear hugs Leila*
Aw…thanks Jimbo. *squeeze*
*sneaks in for one last post*
*pssst!*
Nitey, nite, Brewski! *smooch*
YAY!
*gets out of suitcase, puts on PJs, jumps into bed and snuggles up w/Brewski*
*squeeze*
Hello Judy. Is it me or is it slow here in FB today?
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAA!! the child is Weeing!… what an age we live in.
All children in every age have done it. This particular tot just has trouble distinguishing where it would be appropriate to carry out this activity.
must feel good to doing that free as the wind goin through home depot
And this little piggy went wee, wee, wee all the way home!
*slaps a diaper on the little piggy*
that should do it for now.
The amount of people staring at you would be incredible, though.
I believe there is an age restriction on that particular activity as well
You need some dragon diapers my friend. *squeeze*
But I can’t fit into the toilets!
*squeezes Leila*
Sorry I forgot I needed to…
*offers shamwow*
When you find yourself flying around, just … ahem, water the plants while you are it.
Now I must shower.
Hey! Did it just start raining? I don’t see any clouds….
*sniff sniff*
This rain smells funny.
Well, as long as you can blame it on the wind…no harm done.
How are things going for you. I feel like we haven’t “spoken” much.
I think it’s a middle age restriction. If you’re young enough, or old enough, people just smile.
testest
tsetse fly
Bot fly (Yuck!)
Black fly
horsefly
♪ Shoo, fly. Don’t bother me.
Shoo, fly. Don’t bother me. ♪
(little music note) I knew an old lady who swalloed a fly
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly
I guess she’ll die. (‘nother little music note)
To make musical notes, use the Alt key along with a 13 on your number key pad. Also, see clickie for more.
Thanks!
*Hands Leila shiny nut*
The French word for “fly”, mouche, is pronounced the same as the Russian word for “husband”!
According to my wife, that would be a$$hole most of the time.
In what country can happens this
In Soviet Russia, floor pee on YOU!!
*bends lea over his knee*
*switches Lea with a vengeance*
Now that hurt me more than it hurt you, but I hope you learned your lesson!
*lip quivers*
B…b…but whyyyy??
In soviet russia, hole in floor pee on you!
happens this in aspen, where the beer flows like wine and the women instinctively flock.
Every country has one human who is capable of peeing.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! There’s a smurf in the failblog!
We can only hope it’s vandalism.
If not… oh dear God, what has the world come to, that we have random children peeing on the floor in Home Depot while riding on the carts?
the peeing boy is a famous statue in brussels, belgium! here it’s called ‘manneke pis’ which can be translated as ‘little boy pee’. they sell these as small souvenirs
Why is the boy standing on the cart drawn in a different style than the person pushing the cart? (i.e. he has a neck and accurate body proportions). Do the people who make these have any standards?
Please do not leave urinating children unattended on shopping carts
Actually it’s please don’t push the cart while child is urinating. There’s a $500 fine in small print
Hello this is my first post *first time squeez* HAs anyone considered the trauma those plants have? Also, does anyone else notice the cart pusher looks like he? has a bulge in his? pants.
Excellent f*rst post paleoman! Welcome to failblog. *squeeze*
NEVER push a trolley with a pissing child and house plants while having an erection!
so if THAT is illegal than how the hell am i supposed to spend my upcoming sunday?
sadly the only reason they would have this is if someone has done it
In that case, that would be parenting FAIL.
No fertilizing the plants!
Damn it! Now me and my friends have nothing to do.
How many times did this have to have happened before this sign was made?
Kids must not piss while they are on a cart with plants that’s being pushed.
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