Girls seem to think the whole thing through more then guys do. Unless we’re talking about the “women” who take skanky pictures of themselves in mirrors. With their kids in the room.
I think in general guys don’t really mind if it turns out to be an embarrassing failure (eg, here). Or, “Watch what I can do” is more male ego than “Look how pretty I am”, which is more female ego (??)
Brewski, I think you are confusing what it means to be driven by your hormones for a woman. When my wife says she is hormonal, it NEVER means she is horny. It means that I need to watch out because she will either be irrational, angry, sad, or all three at the same time. When you say a dude is driven by his hormones, it usually means he is horny.
Very good point indeed AA. Maybe Brewski is right and women are better at acting like they aren’t horny (Failbloggers aside). That would make my wife the Meryl Streep (sp?) of not acting horny
*spent 45 minutes Friday night trying to explain to a “hormonal” guy why I would not have sex with him*
This conversation took place over the phone. Otherwise I would have slapped him.
I did have a nympho girlfriend in college. OMG, she would not quit!! We were once playing “Dr. Ruth’s Game of Good Sex” with another couple. It was a risque board game. My girlfriend and I had a question: “How often would you ideally like to have sex?” We wrote down our answers, then showed them. I said something like twice a week, and she said twice a day. She was so embarrassed.
Exactly!! *ducks for cover*
Seriously, women do get judged by a different set of standards, particularly in management and politics. It’s unfair. Women are either viewed as weak and spineless, or bitchy. An assertive male is simple called “confident”, or “a natural leader”. It pisses me off. The ones who succeed have to pull off an incredibly delicate balancing act.
For the record, I didn’t hang up on him because he is the younger brother of a friend from grade school. I have respect for his sister, not him. Hanging up on him might have ended up in some misunderstandings with his sister. Did I mention he is 9 years younger than his sister, who was a year behind me in school? He tried to convince me he was a year older than myself.
I have no problem with letting my hormones run rampant, I am quite choosy with whom I hop into bed with, but then once in, it’s ON until I’ve worn them out.
But if it works, you’re soooo cool. It’s worth the risk, especially when your risk/reward logic is… shall we say, fuzzy. I know alcohol makes me think I am more clever/stronger/etc than I really am. Doesn’t stop me from abusing it, tho’.
“Roses have thorns, and silver fountains mud;
Clouds and eclipses stain both moon and sun,
And loathsome canker lies in sweetest bud.
All men make faults, and even I in this. . .”
While I believe men might have some evolutionary baggage which makes them more likely to take risks as we were the hunters and warriors, I also believe boys and girls are raised differently. Parents (in general), intentionally or not, seem to encourage risky behavior in boys and discourage it in little girls. As the father of an infant boy, I have seen this played out many times on playgrounds. When a boy does something reckless, the parents say “oh he is such a boy” and let him fail. When girls do something similar, parents often try to protect them teach them not to be so careless. I know this is a generalization, but in my experience it seems to be pretty accurate.
woman have connection problems between the 2 sides of the brain, resulting in slower, irrational thinking, and men on average have 13 more IQ points then women
In short men are superior
*waits for pc brainwashed scum to cry about sexism*
Not always. Today I went for a walk at lunch, and when I came back one of my female coworkers was out back on a wheeled chair trying to roll down a cement incline and through a metal gate.
I left this on the last fail — but here it is again. traditional treatments have not worked. He is now on a new, theorical antibiotic treatment …
He is not getting it. He had another relapse and they cannot do a transplant when there is active Leukemia. There is actually no traditional treatment that can be used for him now. He is not strong enough for any more chemo and his Leukemia is resistant to radiation. He was discharged from the hospital into Hospice.
BUT – he is now undergoing a new antibiotic treatment. This treatment is not tested or approved. I only know about it becasue my law firm wrote the patent application for the doctor that developed it. It has only been used on one other person. It helped with the Leukemia, but that person (64 years old) dies of a viral infection.
The antibiotic is commonly available — it is used for drug resistant TB. If it is going to work we will know in the next week.
I have been on the suckiest rollercoaster the past 10 days – but being an optimistic person — and understanding the science — I am very hopeful.
My brave boy told me yesterday – either way is OK, whether he gets to stay here or goes to heaven – both will be good, in different ways.
He is at his Dad’s — long story — 14 year old boys want their Dad and this arrangement causes less drama… but I see him lots and lots. So, sorry for the serious post, but pray pray pray for the success of a new Leukemia treatment. If it works it will save more than just Matt’s life!
Thanks to all of you. Last year if someone had said you could get such love and support from people you did not “know” I would have said they were nuts. but between the LolCats and you guys I know I will always have someone available that will listen and somewhere to go to laugh and get away from the stress. I am so glad that a couple of you invaded ICHC so that us cool cats came over to give it back to you. We all made a bunch of new friends over that invasion …
May the great Creator Manitou look and see the love you have for your son Elsa_Mama and see that you are a wonderful mother and heal you son on the wings of the great eagle and the strength of the bear. My prayers I offer up for you and your son.
You and your son will be in out thoughts, Elsa_Mama. Your son is not only brave, but wonderfully caring for being able to focus on your feelings at this time. I hope you both get what you want.
(Likely) drunk young guy tries to jump from fountain (in Cork?) and slips on the way off, landing painfully, but jumps up in great mock victory and walks away. Powered by Jules, who’s line is “♪ Wipeout ♪” .
I think they should add a scream sound effect when a virus is removed, like the virus has just been thrown in a bottomless pit.
AAAAIIIIIIEEEEEeeeeeeee……
*shreds recycle bin*
*stuffs recycled confetti into cannon*
*fires across room, deafening everyone*
.
WoooHooo!
♪ ‘cuz there ain’t no party like an alcoholic party!♪
Does the intense fear in the girls voice that her loved one could be seriously injured or killed ruin the videos comedic value for ayone else?……ok me neither.
But the companion cube is forever… until you throw it into a fire, but who cares about her at that point. You know she was experimenting with other test subjects…
I love regular posters, in fact I’m trying to become one, but I digress. It’s a lot of fun to come here and read the funny comments that add that delicious Icing to the Fail-Cake (It’s a lie by the by…)
In the vein of sh!t happens, Lutheranism is sh!it happens because I deserve it.
One is supposed to be sorry for life. To acknowledge oneself as a worthless excuse of a life.
Sounds happy, no?
I never thought of it that way. They would probably die of embarrassment if that ever came to be public knowledge! I think I’m going to get a good giggle out this for a long while!
And now whenever I see one of these children, a conversation along these lines will more than likely occur:
“Excuse me, are you an extremist?”
“I’m sorry?”
“You know, Lutheranism. You seem to take it very seriously.”
“OMG! You found me out!!!” *Dies of embarassment*
“Oh… Oh my.” *Runs before anyone sees him with a dead body*
Admittedly, in the large selection of movies I own, I have anime. If anyone doubts that anime can be good I recommend Hayao Miyazaki and any movies done by him.
*With many apologizes to the very many good Jewish friends and offense meant only to this commenter*
Go back to your ashtray.
*Again with profuse apologies to others I just offended*
In all fairness, I wouldn’t've guessed that would happen when he dropped down from the upper level. Though again, you have to question the wisdom of being up there in the first place.
Lol, a friend of mine was there when this happened. I used to live where it happened too. Its in Ireland in a city called Cork. We do have the best drunken antics in this country.
I know the feeling. I’m about to flee the country. I can’t explain why, but let’s just say it involves Alberto Gonzales, Johnny Depp, and Barney the Dinosaur. I fear I’ve said too much already.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed, all because he knew the truth about the rainbow conspiracy. None of this was happening 20 years ago!!!
*looks nervously over shoulder*
*shuts blinds*
* Brewski unaware of the red lazer squeezing in between the blinds
following him around bouncing of the objects in the room with a slow and deliberate movement. Ever shadowing his steps.*
*5 eagles unaware that his gun has been tampered with by the unseen forces that be.* don’t squeeze that trigger if you know what’s good for you. oh, and remain unaware….
*claws up from the ground in front of all 5 eagles*
…
incorporeal |ˌinkôrˈpôrēəl|
adjective
not composed of matter; having no material existence
…
*playfully sticks index finger in gun barrel*
…
Pull my trigger.
Attention everyone on Failblog. Including lurkers.
I am working on a project that I won’t reveal at this time but I’m sure you all can figure it out if you think hard enough, But I was wondering if you could all send me a full picture of your Avatar through clickie or send them by e-Mail (Ask me for it if you need to send it this way)
Please please please please please send them. It would be a big help to the project without them. In fact without them it wouldn’t even be a project. It would be a mess that doesn’t make any sense.
Not exactly. I want the full picture. Doesn’t matter if its cropped. Better if its not in fact.. I don’t care where you got it. As long as its a version of it.
Well, it’ll be morning before I get through moderation, and I spelled a word wrong anyway… Take 2:
Well, whoever you are and if you come back here, here’s the link to my avatar pic:
www(dot)impawards.com/1988/posters/imagine_john_lennon.jpg
*finally remembers why his posts keep getting moderated*
OK, xCainex person, here goes – reconstruct it accordingly.
My pic:
www(dot)impawards.com/1988/posters/!magine_john_lennon.jpg
You grab the Avatar, drag it to another tab & drop it there.
Or get the properties of the Avatar in question by right clicking it
Anyway then in the address bar change the “=32&d=” to “=3200&d=”, this will make the little 32×32 image become as big as it can get.
That’s what I do to look at everyone’s avatars.
Oh well, I hope you’re still around to see this.
You grab the Avatar, drag it to another tab & drop it there.
Or get the properties of the Avatar in by right clicking it.
Anyway then in the address bar change the “=32&d=” to “=3200&d=”, this will make the little 32×32 pixel picture become as big as it can get.
That’s what I do to look at everyone’s avatars.
Oh well, I hope you’re still around to see this.
Well, someone asked and someone else answered in a bit of a more involved way a few months back when everyone was showing off their real faces. I just played with it and shortened it up somewhat.
*bows anyway*
Aiki, I’m posting here ’cause the reply button was waaaaaayyyy too far away from the comments.
The guy in question (the clearly desperate one) is a 24 year old self proclaimed “stud” who cannot fathom that there are women – straight women at that – who don’t want to sleep with him.
I call him desperate because that is all a booty call is, a desperate cry in the dark.
One of those glommed (sp?) onto me at a party when I was in college. He kept trying to convince me that I needed to have sex with him. Every time I got up & walked to a different room or different area, he followed me. It was quite pathetic. The encounter ended like this:
Him: “Come on! You KNOW you want to sleep with me — why would you turn me down?”
Me: “First of all, you’re remarkably annoying. Second, and more important, I find you completely and totally unattractive.”
I watched him deflate. It was actually quite satisfying.
I was talking to a (somewhat drunk) friend of mine outside. We had flirted for a couple of years — but the kind of flirting that happens when both of you know the flirting will never actually lead to anything. Suddenly (I blame the tequila), he decided that he needed to start hitting on me for real. Mind you, this was about 5 minutes after the other guy deflated and crept off into the night. My friend was trying to kiss me and paw at me, but I was having none of it. Finally, he said, “If you really didn’t want to sleep with me, you’d turn around and go back inside.”
So I did…. as many people told him the next day (he didn’t remember hitting on me).
I seem attract Bill Collectors with Thick Foreign Accents, Grocery Buggies with Wobbly Wheels, Lonely Large Women with Bad Teeth and the Slowest Drivers in Town on the Road in Front of Me!
Friday’s tried humiliating me into it. I laughed at him. When he asked if I was a lesbian I laughed at him. When he told me I was acting like an old lady I laughed at him. When he was giving up, but asked me if he could listen to me masturbate, I hung up on him. He’s REALLY lucky I haven’t told his big sister about the whole thing.
Getting into a battle of wits with drunk people is like picking a fight with a five year old. He wasn’t worth that effort. Had we been in the same room I’d have slapped him. Repeatedly.
To his ends yes. I’m taller than him by a few inches and out weigh him by about 30 pounds. (I’m heavier than I look- and my pic has been up before) I wouldn’t have been too worried.
Why have they stopped uploading to youtube?
Youtube is owned by Guinness. No, that’s not it…
They added youtube as a link underneath. “Original can be found here”
And there was a time where nothing on youtube was playable due to copyright restrictions.
1st
Because YouTube keeps suspending FailBlog’s account for “breaking” the terms of use agreement.
I would like to see the “legal” correspondence between FB and Youtube.. I bet the word “douchbaggery” pops up quite a lot in there.
I believe I would pay to see that. Well, maybe…
I just want to see it!
Yeah. those YouTube guys can be so hot-headed.
If they put up a link to the legal correspondence, don’t fall for it.
♪
Never gonna give, never gonna give …
♪
.
*vomits violently for an hour, unable to finish the thought*
*can’t believe he did that to himself*
If you haven’t, check out their posting of the “legal” correspondence from that fail posting.
Granny? Is that you? You look… different.
It must be my granny. A wise women if ever I knew one.
*looks from Aiki to Granny*
Must be. She looks kind of like you.
*squeeze*
*Squeeze*
Not to be confused with GCF.
DID HE DIE?
Too many “Did it die” Troll Viruses in the youtube downloads. Who wants that?!
So that’s where those comments keep coming from. Good to know!
Do them dies?
.
*buries self before trouble gets going*
*lights a small fire where ZA buried himself*
*roasts marshmallows over the fire*
You just opened a can of worms ZA.
Worms is something zombies have plenty of!
So, do marchmallows roasted over an open Zombie have a distinctive flavor?
buried zombie = marsh marrows.
*SNORKROFFLE!!!*
*goes to read another chapter*
Hee! I knew you’d get it!!
Yanno…you do this nearly every day, and it keeps not being funny. Mayhap you should take the hint?
Oh, uh … no, I didn’t realize that. Thanks!
.
*IS a zombie after all*
*vows to cut it out*
*bets $10 that you will slip up*
cause 10 yrs are posting (did __ die?)
It’s always a guy…
Girls seem to think the whole thing through more then guys do. Unless we’re talking about the “women” who take skanky pictures of themselves in mirrors. With their kids in the room.
I think in general guys don’t really mind if it turns out to be an embarrassing failure (eg, here). Or, “Watch what I can do” is more male ego than “Look how pretty I am”, which is more female ego (??)
Good point. But isn’t embarrassing failure sorta the opposite of “look what I can do”?
No… For a guy failing is as much a win as actually doing it right. Why? Cause we are idiots sometimes.
Oh. Ok.
*will not try to wrap brain around that concept*
*doesn’t need a headache*
*Hands Avis a drink and aspirin*
*steals the drink and asprin*
Hey!
*reprimands Ms. B*
Go to my room young lady!
And give those back!
*snork*
Avis, you should read Dave Barry’s “Guide to Guys”. That will tell you what you need to know.
OH!! I love Dave Barry. I’ve read a bunch of his, but not that one. A good read? I love his rambling style that always comes full-circle somehow.
You may need it later, but I need it NOW!
What happened?
Just woke up with a headache, is all. Wake-up headaches are the most persistent.
*Starts mixing a bigger and stronger drink for Ms. B*
Tell Granny, Granny knows best.
Ummm… Granny… what big… paws you have!
All the better to… um… somethings are better left unsaid.
…paw you with?
Aw…!
*gives Ms B some dragon-strength aspirin*
THAT should knock out your headache quickly!
*takes dragon-strength asprin*
Thanks, Dragon! Any side effects I should know about?
MS B!!
NOOOOO!!!
Never, EVER take dragon meds!! I know this from an *ahem* authoritative source!!
Side effects??
Well…not for dragons.
*sees a gentle “phooot” of steam coming from Ms B’s ears*
Ummmmm….gottagobye!
*zing!*
*chases after DW*
Miss! Miss! You forgot this.
*squeeze*
*jumps and hides in fountain with snorkel*
*Squeezes snorkel*
*Poses on top of fountain while spitting a steam of water out of mouth*
*is incredibly grateful that he said “mouth” and not something else…*
They had one of those at the pool in a Catskill resort we frequented.
Everyone has a picture of themselves standing under the stream.
*blink blink*
Wow! That was quite the nap. I feel much better now. I don’t remember lying down though…
*reads dragon asprin* “Dragon Asprin. DO NOT GIVE TO HUMANS!!” Um…
*reads on…*
Ms B, did you happen to have a dream like the clicky above these words^
Thanks, I may need that!
I think all you need to do is watch some old episodes of Jackass.
Notice there were no women on that show.
One word. Testosterone. Many a mind has been rendered stupid by it.
Gad…hormones. Both genders are slaves to their devious, conniving ways!!
*Grunts*
*SQUEEZE*
*Knuckle drags away humming “I Feel Pretty”*
*snork*
So, women are driven by hormones too? How do they do such a good job of hiding it? Or do I just hang out around the wrong women?
Awww, look at how sweet Brewski is! The hubby makes it quite clear to me that I am frequently driven by hormones.
*grumble grumble*
Brewski, I think you are confusing what it means to be driven by your hormones for a woman. When my wife says she is hormonal, it NEVER means she is horny. It means that I need to watch out because she will either be irrational, angry, sad, or all three at the same time. When you say a dude is driven by his hormones, it usually means he is horny.
That’s not to say women are also not hormonally horny. Just look around the blog!
Ahem.
Indeed.
Very good point indeed AA. Maybe Brewski is right and women are better at acting like they aren’t horny (Failbloggers aside). That would make my wife the Meryl Streep (sp?) of not acting horny
I’ve dated a couple of De Niro’s in that respect, starfish. It isn’t just women, yanno.
*snork*
*spent 45 minutes Friday night trying to explain to a “hormonal” guy why I would not have sex with him*
This conversation took place over the phone. Otherwise I would have slapped him.
DW, care for a five act play later?
WOOHOO!!
Erm. I mean…maybe.
I love it when you’re silly.
I did have a nympho girlfriend in college. OMG, she would not quit!! We were once playing “Dr. Ruth’s Game of Good Sex” with another couple. It was a risque board game. My girlfriend and I had a question: “How often would you ideally like to have sex?” We wrote down our answers, then showed them. I said something like twice a week, and she said twice a day. She was so embarrassed.
So if a woman likes sex, she’s a “nympho” and if she doesn’t she’s hormonal and frigid??
WE CAN’T WIN WITH YOU GUYS!!!!!
(That was said silly-style, btw…just in case you thought I was really yelling.)
Hey, twice a week seems ok to me.
Exactly!! *ducks for cover*
Seriously, women do get judged by a different set of standards, particularly in management and politics. It’s unfair. Women are either viewed as weak and spineless, or bitchy. An assertive male is simple called “confident”, or “a natural leader”. It pisses me off. The ones who succeed have to pull off an incredibly delicate balancing act.
“Love diminishes the delicacy of women and increases that of men.”
~Jean Paul Richter
*Snickers*
Don’t forget the guys who assume you are a lesbian if you don’t want to sleep with them!
@Avis: Why didn’t you just hang up on that guy?
For the record, I didn’t hang up on him because he is the younger brother of a friend from grade school. I have respect for his sister, not him. Hanging up on him might have ended up in some misunderstandings with his sister. Did I mention he is 9 years younger than his sister, who was a year behind me in school? He tried to convince me he was a year older than myself.
Those are the type of guys that give us a bad name.
I have no problem with letting my hormones run rampant, I am quite choosy with whom I hop into bed with, but then once in, it’s ON until I’ve worn them out.
*carefully reminds Avis not to over-think the “guys are idiots sometimes” concept*
But if it works, you’re soooo cool. It’s worth the risk, especially when your risk/reward logic is… shall we say, fuzzy. I know alcohol makes me think I am more clever/stronger/etc than I really am. Doesn’t stop me from abusing it, tho’.
“My mind is troubled, like a fountain stirred;
And I myself see not the bottom of it.”
~ Shakespeare
Then I guess it would not be such a good idea to hector you now, would it?
Did I have the right play here?
“And thou, and I, sit round about some fountain,
Looking all downwards to behold our cheeks…”
~ also Shakespeare
Sounds like a good way to spend the afternoon to me!
Graze on my lips, and if those hills are dry, stray lower where the pleasant fountains lie.
~ Wm Shakespeare
What a kinky guy!
“Roses have thorns, and silver fountains mud;
Clouds and eclipses stain both moon and sun,
And loathsome canker lies in sweetest bud.
All men make faults, and even I in this. . .”
~ Shakespeare
This just hurts my heart.
While I believe men might have some evolutionary baggage which makes them more likely to take risks as we were the hunters and warriors, I also believe boys and girls are raised differently. Parents (in general), intentionally or not, seem to encourage risky behavior in boys and discourage it in little girls. As the father of an infant boy, I have seen this played out many times on playgrounds. When a boy does something reckless, the parents say “oh he is such a boy” and let him fail. When girls do something similar, parents often try to protect them teach them not to be so careless. I know this is a generalization, but in my experience it seems to be pretty accurate.
*agrees*
MRN! What are you doing playing with that Barbie Doll!! Here, take this GI Joe and start pretending to kill people!
That’s a good boy!
woman have connection problems between the 2 sides of the brain, resulting in slower, irrational thinking, and men on average have 13 more IQ points then women
In short men are superior
*waits for pc brainwashed scum to cry about sexism*
Do you think he might be drunk?
Not always. Today I went for a walk at lunch, and when I came back one of my female coworkers was out back on a wheeled chair trying to roll down a cement incline and through a metal gate.
Aww, man. I didn’t think anyone could see me.
And he was being so careful!
Too much bacon lube!
I like this one! Its a proper old fashioned fail.
Yeah, but he looks like the kind that spouts off about his “skills”.
Watch this!
*climbs on top of Admiral’s stars*
*tried to slide down on butt*
*pants catch on edge of star and rip off*
*faceplants a**-side up*
TA DA!
*claps*
Bravo! Bravo!
No, no, no, it’s ‘Three Coins in the Fountain” not “The Groin’s in the Fountain”!
*hundreds of lurkers stare and judge*
He gives new meaning to the word “waterfall”.
Brewski turned it into a watershed event.
Geyser just crazy.
We’re not exactly fonts of wisdom around a hawt babe; crazy thoughts spring to mind.
I just go with the flow.
The fountains of sacred rivers flow upwards AA?
Brewski, you all right? You took quite a drop.
Don’t worry Aja. If he doesn’t drop within 4 hours he has to call his doctor, so it’s actually a good thing.
*takes pic and submits it to Fail Blog*
*faceplant*
Yay Jules!!!! *confettis*
I was wondering when they were going to show it!
Yay for me, it means I am special now!
*loads up confetti cannon*
*fires it across the room*
Congrats Jules!
*throws confetti*
Yay, Jules!
*Releases 99 red balloons*
Congrats, Jules! Nicely done!
Woohoooo!!! Yaya Jules!
You’re always special, sweetie!
Congrats!
Woopwoop for Jules. We’d be handicapped without him.
*FWWEEEEEEEEEEEP!!*
*pops champagne*
*drinks champagne*
Hee!
*eyes inverted bottle in awe*
*grabs second bottle of champagne*
*FWWEEEEEEEEEEEP!!*
*nearly drowns trying to repeat feat*
Hah! It’s taken me YEARS of practice to perfect that little party trick!
*wrings shirttail*
*wipes face with trusty towel*
I almost had it, until the bubbles climbed up my throat!
Yay Jules! Throws scooby snacks and runs to get toddler boy from school before they lock the doors !!!!
*facefountain*
*facesidewalk*
Jules!!!! Congratulations!!!
Is that you Jules?
(Elsa – how’s your son’s treatments going?)
I left this on the last fail — but here it is again. traditional treatments have not worked. He is now on a new, theorical antibiotic treatment …
He is not getting it. He had another relapse and they cannot do a transplant when there is active Leukemia. There is actually no traditional treatment that can be used for him now. He is not strong enough for any more chemo and his Leukemia is resistant to radiation. He was discharged from the hospital into Hospice.
BUT – he is now undergoing a new antibiotic treatment. This treatment is not tested or approved. I only know about it becasue my law firm wrote the patent application for the doctor that developed it. It has only been used on one other person. It helped with the Leukemia, but that person (64 years old) dies of a viral infection.
The antibiotic is commonly available — it is used for drug resistant TB. If it is going to work we will know in the next week.
I have been on the suckiest rollercoaster the past 10 days – but being an optimistic person — and understanding the science — I am very hopeful.
My brave boy told me yesterday – either way is OK, whether he gets to stay here or goes to heaven – both will be good, in different ways.
He is at his Dad’s — long story — 14 year old boys want their Dad and this arrangement causes less drama… but I see him lots and lots. So, sorry for the serious post, but pray pray pray for the success of a new Leukemia treatment. If it works it will save more than just Matt’s life!
My thoughts and prayers go to you and your son.
*SQUEEZE!*
Best wishes Elsa! We’ll be pulling for you both.
I’m sure I speak for everyone here (that matters:)) when I say we all wish the very best for both you and Matt.
Thanks to all of you. Last year if someone had said you could get such love and support from people you did not “know” I would have said they were nuts. but between the LolCats and you guys I know I will always have someone available that will listen and somewhere to go to laugh and get away from the stress. I am so glad that a couple of you invaded ICHC so that us cool cats came over to give it back to you. We all made a bunch of new friends over that invasion …
Your family is in my thoughts and prayers Elsa_Mama.
I’m glad, too, Elsa_Mama. Sometimes things that seem cloaked in badness come out so well in the end.
*crosses wings, talons, legs and eyes*
*squeeze*
May the great Creator Manitou look and see the love you have for your son Elsa_Mama and see that you are a wonderful mother and heal you son on the wings of the great eagle and the strength of the bear. My prayers I offer up for you and your son.
You and your son will be in out thoughts, Elsa_Mama. Your son is not only brave, but wonderfully caring for being able to focus on your feelings at this time. I hope you both get what you want.
*hug*
*biggesteversqueezes*
*biggesteversqueeze*
Grrr… Well have two lots anyway. Stoopid comment muncher.
Elsa. Clickie
Oh, Elsa, my heart aches for what you and your family are going through. I will be saying many prayers for you all!
Thanks Neener — do you know where to get “G. lucidum extract”?
Oh sweetie…I’m so sorry. You and your family will be in my thoughts, and please, feel free to email me if you want or need someone to talk to.
*squeezes Elsa*
Your son is very brave. I hope everything turns out all right.
Also, just noticed the shreak in slo-mo.
Reminds me of a young elephant.
*shriek damn it, shriek.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
You happy now?
Once more, With feeling.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE + FEELING!!!!!
Better?
No, like this:
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE + *masturbates*
Shouldn’t that be in the opposite order…?
He jumped the gun?
He overshot the runway?
This makes as much sense as “roof-sprinted cup-slacks van eaters”.
*Snickers*
Try to think about something else. That’ll help.
Worst case of cart-before-the-horse that ever was!
Caution: Slippery when wet!
Caution: Gets wet in the evening, after a couple of drinks.
Wet your whistle?
*pours a waterfall or alcohol*
I have to pick one?
E|R|T
.D|F|G
I made a mistake while typing.
*replaces ‘r’ with ‘f’*
“poufs?”
If that’s the case I don’t want to know where the waterfall or alcohol is coming from.
*considers*
I don’t want to know either.
In my long life of say 20 some odd years I have learned that there are MANY things you really don’t want to know…
so… doo deed ooo dee do… I can’t see the vid….again…
doo deed oo dee do…refresh?
(Likely) drunk young guy tries to jump from fountain (in Cork?) and slips on the way off, landing painfully, but jumps up in great mock victory and walks away. Powered by Jules, who’s line is “♪ Wipeout ♪” .
thanks! that sounds all too familiar…
In honour of Jules….
♪ Wipeout ♫
*Sees he is the only one who came to this party*
*Looks at invite to check address*
Okay guys, who sent me to the wrong place?
*Sits down and waits*
*fly-by squeezes Aiki*
*Fleeting squeeze as Avis flies off*
Aha! I found the party! Here it is, guys!
*Squeeze*
Hi Judy. I guess I was just early.
Pick your poison. Drinks are on the house for all!
woot!!
can i get a giant margharita on the rocks with salt?
Already in front of you. Careful it’s a 32 oz version.
Man, so many parties in my honor, I just have to make it around to all of them. Amaretto sour please.
One Amaretto Sour, extra cherry on the bottom, highball glass coming right up.
*nom, nom, nom*
Thanks!
Hey, Jules, thanks for the advice in the last fail. I did, I had one and the program you suggested kicked butt. Thanks.
No problem, I love malwarebytes. Every virus/ spyware I had to deal on multiple computers dies an instant horrible death.
I think they should add a scream sound effect when a virus is removed, like the virus has just been thrown in a bottomless pit.
AAAAIIIIIIEEEEEeeeeeeee……
Ooh, I’d buy that!
oh, I can take it!!
Beer me, aiki. Domestic. And cold.
*Slides a tall cold one, frosted mug*
A beer a beer a beer!
Gracias! Sorry about the finger earlier!
Sure you are…
Well you wouldn’t be Judy without it!
Wooooooo!!! Party!
They should be joining us soon, Aiki.
I left a trail of alcoholic beverages for them to follow.
Oh yeah. I followed that.
Now it’s just a trail of bottles and cans.
Oh yeah. I followed that.
Now they’re all in the recycle bin.
*shreds recycle bin*
*stuffs recycled confetti into cannon*
*fires across room, deafening everyone*
.
WoooHooo!
♪ ‘cuz there ain’t no party like an alcoholic party!♪
Now that is a slogan I can get behind…
Yay, Jules!
*throws confetti*
*dances in the confetti*
Yay Jules!
*starts the mimosa maker up*
This calls for a celebration!
one, please…oh, who am I kidding? 3 please.
3 gallons coming right up.
oh, god. along with the 32 oz. margharita, i might die.
HOORAY JULES!!
*grabs 32 oz margarita from abstract*
*downs in one gulp*
hic!
*kisses abstract*
*FROWNY FACE*
*foot tap* may I please have annother……… *reluctant kiss* you can have a nice one once toy get me my giant 32 oz. margharita again.
Is Brewski your boy toy? Be honest!
mmmm, well. only on weekdays
*hands abstract a 64-oz margarita with sugared rim*
Sorry! I was just toying with you.
ooohhh, thanks! yum!!!!
oh, a big big kiss for Brewski, I almost forgot. *smooch*
I believe temporary’s had enough. Can someone make sure she gets home ok?
hey, don’t call me that!
Sorry, abstract!
It looks like temporary was only temporary.
*applauds, temporarily*
lol! it came back now that i have something to temporarily be.
In the beggining it sounds like someone is trying very hard to suck at singing.
Most of us don’t have to try to do that.
How does one suck and sing at the same time?
GCS win?
See ZA’s answer. V
*natural talent*
FIRST!
NOT!
Isn’t that a double-negative?
*note: only C-programmers will understand this one. Sorry. Geek humo(u)r*
YES! Which is to say… NO! Which is to say YES. *eyeroll*
I did and I dunno crap about C.
Maybe mathematicians?
longjmp fail
I understood it even though I !C-programmer.
Does the intense fear in the girls voice that her loved one could be seriously injured or killed ruin the videos comedic value for ayone else?……ok me neither.
Well, I don’t have sound, but I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t kill the comedic value for me. I’m sick and twisted that way.
Uh, yeah … what Lurk said.
I find it makes it better!
Better, definitely better.
Your all sick….no hard feelings.
I’ve always wanted my own sick.
Oh, the meomories we’ll make!
*snork!*
Are those like cat noises?
Or recollection of a past event featuring cat noises.
♪ Midnight – not a sound from the pavement… ♪
It’s not just a sick, it’s an ‘all sick’. Sweet!
All your sick are belong to you?
All your sick are belong to us!
dern, i wanted to say that.
Our “all sick” is nice and cushiony, then?
♪ Welcome to the fountain of pain ♪
Did he die? nope he did not die but got up and walk away folks.
Can you believe it! wait is that a tooth flying out of his mouth…
no…
This is what happens when the lames and nerds take over. Get a real life losers.
What, comments like yours happen?
The truth is a lie.
AARRRRGGGGGG!
*offers throat lozenge*
Here you go… sounds like you may need one.
so is the cake..
But the companion cube is forever… until you throw it into a fire, but who cares about her at that point. You know she was experimenting with other test subjects…
I bet he got laid that night.
Out of pity, maybe.
Or a guy friend. With a hit like that everyone is bound to look the same.
You guys missed it. He did get laid. On the sidewalk. Face first.
Last night too?
You guys are all trying to be funny with your stupid comments but you all fail evry single time. Stupid suckers.
Humour, much like math, is a matter of opinion.
*applauds the fail-ref win*
Ye gods, what’s with all the haters today?
Haters? What haters? I loved the Verizon FAIL!
Not you! All the “you regular posters suck” haters!
There’s a bunch of them out today.
I love regular posters, in fact I’m trying to become one, but I digress. It’s a lot of fun to come here and read the funny comments that add that delicious Icing to the Fail-Cake (It’s a lie by the by…)
Hey… you forgot an ‘e’.
Spellcheck is your friend. Or should be.
…sometimes your only friend.
Well apparently his only friend has turned his back on him. Maybe we should all pity this poor guy?
Too late for me it seems…
Are all the servos on your left side bothering you again?
You misspelled diodes.
Every part of me has been replaced except fopr the diodes on my left side. How miserable.
I also find it ghastly that I can’t spell “for”. What a wretched day.
*facepalm*
No excuse – I started re-re-re-reading the Guide last weekend.
As you should. I still laugh whenever I think of God’s Final Message to Humanity.
I guess atheism makes all religion jokes funny.
I don’t know, I was raised Lutheran and I find most religion jokes funny. Of course I rejected Lutheranisms beliefs and have substituted my own.
Aren’t most Lutheran beliefs just to lead a normal, simple life? or is that Confucianism?
In the vein of sh!t happens, Lutheranism is sh!it happens because I deserve it.
One is supposed to be sorry for life. To acknowledge oneself as a worthless excuse of a life.
Sounds happy, no?
That’s terrible.
Does this mean all those “Emo-Goth” kids are pretending to practice Lutheranism?
It’s more popular than I thought.
I never thought of it that way. They would probably die of embarrassment if that ever came to be public knowledge! I think I’m going to get a good giggle out this for a long while!
And now whenever I see one of these children, a conversation along these lines will more than likely occur:
“Excuse me, are you an extremist?”
“I’m sorry?”
“You know, Lutheranism. You seem to take it very seriously.”
“OMG! You found me out!!!” *Dies of embarassment*
“Oh… Oh my.” *Runs before anyone sees him with a dead body*
I was thinking more along the lines of they would die if they ever took the time to figure out and realize the correlation. But that works too!
Oops. But one less Crazy Extremist in the world, right?
Right!
Wow. I feel like a FailBlog Terrorist or something (An image I don’t necessarily want). Telletubbies, Goths, what have I become!?
What the heck. I’m gonna Spartan Laser the moderater.
That’s Taoism. Confucius was more concerned with morality and ceremony.
Do I sense jealousy?
Why waste your time to read our “stupid comments” if they suck in your eyes anyway?
*Views JEW as a telletubby*
*Spartan Lasers*
they definitly suck in my eyes…..ack, where are my eyes now? lol
my eyes, my eyes!!!
Don’t know, I don’t know such stuff. I just do eyes, ju-, ju-, just eyes. . .
Evry followup comment proves my point. Trying so hard to be funny with the internet-slang garbage. Still not funny. Still nothing original.
Try harder you animewatching nerds.
Do not fear that you will ever drown in your arrogance. For surely, before that day arrives, you will have choked on your ignorance.
You guys watch anime?
I never really thought that stuff was my style.
*doesn’t watch anime*
*doesn’t get any TV channels*
*lives under a rock*
*hangs out under rock with lurk*
Damn potato bugs!! Got some Raid?
Admittedly, in the large selection of movies I own, I have anime. If anyone doubts that anime can be good I recommend Hayao Miyazaki and any movies done by him.
♥ Hayao Miyazaki ♥
When life gives you potato bugs, make mashed potatoes!
*Sigh*
There, there.
*pat pat pat*
Buurrp!
That’s better, thank you Dragon.
Hee!
*snork!*
Just something I’ve been wondering, are you afraid of ever burning someone with a snork? Being a dragon must open up so many different fire hazards.
I don;t watch animals I eat them.
I don’t know why this reminded me of this joke, but …
.
I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals, I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.
hmmm. it’s hard to see your point, my eyes got sucked out. *fumbles about blindly*
Here you go. They were rolling around at JEW.
why thank you! heym this one is blue and the other one is brown…mmm, I kind of like it.
*With many apologizes to the very many good Jewish friends and offense meant only to this commenter*
Go back to your ashtray.
*Again with profuse apologies to others I just offended*
There is no try.
And I don’t watch anime.
The chick sounds like a whale in slow motion
They’re having a whale of a time.
Remember when Failblog was funny, and not just World’s Funniest Home Videos on the internet?
Hey everybody! It’s Short Attention Span Theatre!
*grabs popcorn*
*plops down on seat*
*wonders what show we’re watching*
Hey what are you…. ohhh look! Something shiny!
*just keeps swimming*
Hey, I do not have a short… oh look a chicken…
Remember when people knew how to spell, or to check the spelling of a word in the dictionary if they were unsure?
Honestly? … no.
You misspelled dicitionary.
lol, i loved that fail so much I put it on my myspace
That must have been way back when you knew how to spell your name.
That’s kinda what I was getting at in my post. ^^
Yep, you beat me to it. Great minds I guess.
Remember when there was a Vote Page where you could cast your vote for what is funny?
Remember when the fail was not a video, but rather a picture??
And FAILs were only a nickle?
Remember when Failblog had losers that could actually spell their own names correctly?
*headdesk*
Refresh early, refresh often!
That’s a very refreshing comment!
Wow, a unanimous troll vote. Not a single person came to your defense. Impressive.
I remember every little thing, as if it happened only yesterday.
Quick!!! What was the fail on September 19, 2008?
I thought it was my birthday but I was two days off.
HA! The girl sounded like George of the Jungle on slow-mo.
Watch out for that sidewalk!
Drunk? Retarded? What’s wrong with that guy?
Groin issues.
He found his Achilles heel.
He should have stepped up his performance it didn’t go over all that well.
In all fairness, I wouldn’t've guessed that would happen when he dropped down from the upper level. Though again, you have to question the wisdom of being up there in the first place.
“Awards are like hemorrhoids. Sooner or later every asshole gets one.”
– Sarah Morton
This jerk’s an applicant for the Darwin Award … c’mon, try again!
I’d say it’s win
You would? So, why don’t you?
He just had his tonsils taken out.
the girls sounds like a wolf in slow-mo
Ayyyy!
*Looks around for leather jacket*
Lol, a friend of mine was there when this happened. I used to live where it happened too. Its in Ireland in a city called Cork. We do have the best drunken antics in this country.
Pinche tan pendejo!!
Did he dive?
Photoshoved!
*SQUEEEZE!*
I’ve been wondering where you’ve been!
I read on lolcats last night that LCB has been traveling…at least I think that’s what she said.
Aaaaand, I just saw the pictures! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
*jealous*
*squeezes back*
Yes, I had to, er, flee the jurisdiction for a while. Statute of limitations is up now, so I came back.
I know the feeling. I’m about to flee the country. I can’t explain why, but let’s just say it involves Alberto Gonzales, Johnny Depp, and Barney the Dinosaur. I fear I’ve said too much already.
Curses! The terrible three!
Aren’t they the axis of evil?
Pedobear pushed him lol
Maybe
Humpty Dumpty was pushed, all because he knew the truth about the rainbow conspiracy. None of this was happening 20 years ago!!!
*looks nervously over shoulder*
*shuts blinds*
* Brewski unaware of the red lazer squeezing in between the blinds
following him around bouncing of the objects in the room with a slow and deliberate movement. Ever shadowing his steps.*
*5 eagles unaware that his gun has been tampered with by the unseen forces that be.* don’t squeeze that trigger if you know what’s good for you. oh, and remain unaware….
*retracts steps back and acquires new target Abstract.*
good luck, I’m incorporeal! even if you could see me…
explain incorporeal abstract?
*claws up from the ground in front of all 5 eagles*
…
incorporeal |ˌinkôrˈpôrēəl|
adjective
not composed of matter; having no material existence
…
*playfully sticks index finger in gun barrel*
…
Pull my trigger.
Ooooh!
Is it cartoon hour?
I call Selective Gravity!
thanks ZA
Not breaking your neck WIN?
You mean Survivor WIN o.O
Still have all your teeth WIN
Must’ve been fun
where the hell did everyone go? the comment sream hs slowed to a trickle. BTW, I miss Tofu, where is she?
I’m still here, but only for another 15 minutes. I think I saw tofu on here last night, but I wasn’t on long.
okey dokey. have fun seeing Jeff Dunham, he is pretty funny!
Dot Com!
No, it’s Dun Haaaaaaaaammmmmm.
Je-fuh fuh.
She was on holidays I think, but she was around yesterday
*fades back into the shadows*
Long time no see…HI and Bye…runs…………………….
Wow, haven’t seen your face in these parts for a long time!
Was that a drive-by?
Definitely a WIN
Ha! I love it when dumbasses totally embarrass themselves while doing dumbsh*t things.
Her scream blew my eardrums. Forgot to turn the speakers down.
what a langer!
It appears everybody left. Hm, okay, be that way! See if I care! *sniff* I can have fun all by myself! *sob!*
Alas, my hour has come anyway. ‘Night!
Have a good night, Brewski.
Dang. And I wanted to watch Brewski have fun with himself.
:O
Brewski proclaimed “Happy hour to all and to all a good night.” as he fapped away.
Attention everyone on Failblog. Including lurkers.
I am working on a project that I won’t reveal at this time but I’m sure you all can figure it out if you think hard enough, But I was wondering if you could all send me a full picture of your Avatar through clickie or send them by e-Mail (Ask me for it if you need to send it this way)
Please please please please please send them. It would be a big help to the project without them. In fact without them it wouldn’t even be a project. It would be a mess that doesn’t make any sense.
Ummm… I am reliably informed that there is a way to “grab” said avatars. Both with pcs and macs. Try that first.
Not big enough.
Wouldn’t that require us to tell you EXACTLY where we got the picture and where to crop it?
Not exactly. I want the full picture. Doesn’t matter if its cropped. Better if its not in fact.. I don’t care where you got it. As long as its a version of it.
And when will this project be revealed to us?
When I get enough of the Avatars to make it look AMAZING and fun.
If you will excuse me, I a going for a bike ride be back in half an hour.
Later!
You may want to talk to Aiki and see if he can help you find a secure way to do your ‘project’ I am not entirely opposed – but very cautious.
Well, it’ll be morning before I get through moderation, and I spelled a word wrong anyway… Take 2:
Well, whoever you are and if you come back here, here’s the link to my avatar pic:
www(dot)impawards.com/1988/posters/imagine_john_lennon.jpg
*finally remembers why his posts keep getting moderated*
OK, xCainex person, here goes – reconstruct it accordingly.
My pic:
www(dot)impawards.com/1988/posters/!magine_john_lennon.jpg
You grab the Avatar, drag it to another tab & drop it there.
Or get the properties of the Avatar in question by right clicking it
Anyway then in the address bar change the “=32&d=” to “=3200&d=”, this will make the little 32×32 image become as big as it can get.
That’s what I do to look at everyone’s avatars.
Oh well, I hope you’re still around to see this.
Well, whoever you are and if you come bavk here, here’s the clickie pic.
You grab the Avatar, drag it to another tab & drop it there.
Or get the properties of the Avatar in by right clicking it.
Anyway then in the address bar change the “=32&d=” to “=3200&d=”, this will make the little 32×32 pixel picture become as big as it can get.
That’s what I do to look at everyone’s avatars.
Oh well, I hope you’re still around to see this.
SEE!?!? I knew there was a way!
Well, someone asked and someone else answered in a bit of a more involved way a few months back when everyone was showing off their real faces. I just played with it and shortened it up somewhat.
*bows anyway*
*sneaks in with E.T. finger*
*decides not to ‘explore’ the roadkill just yet*
*wanders off in search of familiar prey*
*SNORK!*
Judy! I was just talking about you down there! VVV
yes, wait for more flies
…AND… Roadkill is bowing down there, too! What timing!
Holy crap! I was taking it for granted that you couldn’t see stuff cause it was so small. Ooops
And how do we send them?And where?
Yeah, and I can’t really send you just a link, because I modified my avatar on microsoft paint (yeah…I know, eck) and would have to send it via email.
Ahh. I love the later hours in FB.
Except for the emptiness, of course.
Aiki, I’m posting here ’cause the reply button was waaaaaayyyy too far away from the comments.
The guy in question (the clearly desperate one) is a 24 year old self proclaimed “stud” who cannot fathom that there are women – straight women at that – who don’t want to sleep with him.
I call him desperate because that is all a booty call is, a desperate cry in the dark.
One of those glommed (sp?) onto me at a party when I was in college. He kept trying to convince me that I needed to have sex with him. Every time I got up & walked to a different room or different area, he followed me. It was quite pathetic. The encounter ended like this:
Him: “Come on! You KNOW you want to sleep with me — why would you turn me down?”
Me: “First of all, you’re remarkably annoying. Second, and more important, I find you completely and totally unattractive.”
I watched him deflate. It was actually quite satisfying.
*Adds nightshayde’s post to “Badass Comeback” Notebook*
I was talking to a (somewhat drunk) friend of mine outside. We had flirted for a couple of years — but the kind of flirting that happens when both of you know the flirting will never actually lead to anything. Suddenly (I blame the tequila), he decided that he needed to start hitting on me for real. Mind you, this was about 5 minutes after the other guy deflated and crept off into the night. My friend was trying to kiss me and paw at me, but I was having none of it. Finally, he said, “If you really didn’t want to sleep with me, you’d turn around and go back inside.”
So I did…. as many people told him the next day (he didn’t remember hitting on me).
I want to hang out with you at parties! You and Dragon both.
Well – nobody other than my husband has hit on me for quite a while now. I’m neither as young nor as hawt as I used to be. *wistful sigh*
*Hits on nightshayde*
I know it’s not the same as when a guy does it…
Rawr?
In my book, there’s nothing wrong with being hit upon by a female. It’s happened to me, and I’ve been quite flattered.
I fully agree. Women tend to be more particular than men about who they hit on, so it can be very flattering.
I concur w/ Chan.
Me too. I am a chick magnet. I swear, if I were a lesbian I would date SO much more than I do. Women think I rawk. Most men think I’m terrifying.
(I do not, of course, refer to the men on this blog.)
I get the feeling that a lot of the women on this blog have similar experiences. I’m not entirely sure we represent the rest of society though.
I tend to attract more toothless fisherman than I do woman.
*suddenly wonders if I smell*
*hides in corner*
I tend to attract no one. Maybe that's why I like Fail Blog.AA are you in the curio cabinet?
*pokes head out from corner*
Noop! He just knew I was over here!
*hugs hide*
I seem attract Bill Collectors with Thick Foreign Accents, Grocery Buggies with Wobbly Wheels, Lonely Large Women with Bad Teeth and the Slowest Drivers in Town on the Road in Front of Me!
You never know, ‘ Lonely Large Women with Bad Teeth’ could be me.
Ya never know, they might be attracted to me because I flirt with them ‘ Lonely Large Women with Bad Teeth’ .
*snork*
Friday’s tried humiliating me into it. I laughed at him. When he asked if I was a lesbian I laughed at him. When he told me I was acting like an old lady I laughed at him. When he was giving up, but asked me if he could listen to me masturbate, I hung up on him. He’s REALLY lucky I haven’t told his big sister about the whole thing.
Eeewww, that last request of his was creepy!
*Agrees completely*
Scott’s here!
Hey, Nice shirt!
Why thank you. It was courtesy of Bearly!
Where is she anyway? I have a new score to report on that game of hers.
He is exactly the type of guy I avoid when I’m out. He is the epitome of douchebag. Out of respect to his sister I did not read him the riot act.
Sounds like you were EXTREMELY restrained to me! Of course I’ve never been able to relate to that kind of behavior in other guys.
Getting into a battle of wits with drunk people is like picking a fight with a five year old. He wasn’t worth that effort. Had we been in the same room I’d have slapped him. Repeatedly.
… that might have proved counter-productive.
To his ends yes. I’m taller than him by a few inches and out weigh him by about 30 pounds. (I’m heavier than I look- and my pic has been up before) I wouldn’t have been too worried.
yes, you’re correct about drunks. Slapping him probably would have been much more satisfying though!