Yeah!!! I am sooo excited. The future Mrs. Aiki told me that I am not to leave Failblog. Apparently I am grumpy when I don’t get my blog time in. Either that or she likes reading my comments…
Sorry to hear that.
*gives an extra squeeze to make up for lost squeezes*
The future Mrs. Aiki wanted me to convey that you can go with me on convertible rides as long as the car is back by 10 pm. Oddly she mentioned that leaving me somewhere was ok…
HAHAHAHA! That’s no problem. I’m a morning person, so I’m usually home by 9pm. I get up most mornings without an alarm clock at 5am.
.
*grabs Aiki, Avis, and Brewski and puts them in the convertible*
Hey, I’ve never been on a FB car ride before. Can I go. Just stick me on the hood, I can hold on as long as you dont mind your car looking like a Chrysler.
A guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shooters. The bartender says, “Looks like you are having a bad day.”
The guy says, “Am I ever! To start, I woke up late for work. On my way to work I got in an accident. When I got to work I was four hours late, so the boss fired me. Then to top everything off I came home to my wife screwing my best friend.”
The bartender says, “What did you say to your wife?”
The guy says, “I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again.”
The bartender says, “What did you say to your best friend?”
An ASCII character walks into a bar.
Bartender asks, “What’ll you have?”
ASCII character says, “Give me a double.”
Bartender asks, “Having a bad day?”
ASCII character says, “Yeah, I have a parity error.”
Bartender says, “Hmmm. I thought you looked a bit off.”
Who would condone such actions?
*squeezes all around*
It has been a long day at work, making me feel like a haz-bin. To top it off it is the mother Emp’s B-day today. She be 51. So I am off to pay for dinner. I might be back on around 11ish Toronto time. Don’t know what that qualifies for everyone else so… (Caffeine + dumb people shopping = dangerous).
For the win, full of win…depending on who you are with when you use it. I did have to look fapping up on UrbanDictionary. I feel….slightly like I have UrbanDictionary remorse, now…
Annie, sorry, I was just joking. I think you missed the whole “FTW” thread quite some time ago.
*squeeze*
Do you work nights? Why are you not normally awake in daylight?
Ahh…yes most likely I’ve missed something. Yes, I work as night auditor at a hotel, and for awhile I could visit Failblog and cruise through old fails. But someone took the firewall down on our main computer, some viruses got into the system, and now we can’t use the work comp for personal surfing.
Are you serious? Because it’s an important part of life which shouldn’t be a taboo imo. Apart from that, you don’t have to lie when thy catch mommy and daddy “wrestling”…
I get that, but Telletubbies is aimed at the pre-vocal age group. The under one year group. That seems a little early. I mean, they should still remember being there, if not how they got there!
Hm. “Rawr” from the Snorg T-shirt ads. Rammstein, which has come up more than once on Failblog. Are you one of these fabled lurkers????
*runs off to check out Rammstein vid*
Refresh fail. I actually learned about Rammstein through Failblog. As you know, AA, I grew up on this kinda stuff, so it holds a special place in my heart! It’s not great art or anything, but beauty is in the ear of the beholder!
Ha! A lot of metal is influenced heavily by opera. Heck, even old Queen. I wouldn’t say I don’t like it, but I never developed an appreciation for it. I really should give it a shot though, I really do respect it as an art form.
Jazz took a while, but I was able to ease into it via rock/jazz fusion. Jazz can have incredibly complex structure, so it sounds random to the novice listener. It takes a while to find the structure and fully appreciate it.
Have you seen the Barney The Dinosaur Jihad site before? I haven’t in years, but it’s still out there.
jihad.net
Barney is just as evil as the teletubbies!
Nooooo! I love Barney! He was a favorite of my oldest grandchild. We had a cassette of Barney songs – “Clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere. Clean up, clean up, everybody do their share.” That song helped me teach him to…well, clean up! Barney is not evil!!!
He shot back a somewhat harsh reply to one of my first posts!! Ha. I deserved it though, I had stumbled into a troll-roasting, and didn’t have all the history.
I remember one of the first times I saw his posts it was a rather touchy series.
*squeezes for everyone*
I’m awake during daylight…*blink* its good to see ya’ll.
Scannerdan and the Admiral had a little disagreement about what is humo(u)rous, and Scannerdan ended up saying that the Admiral is very harsh to newbies.
I begged to differ, and we really haven’t seen him since.
I like variety. Your humor is cerebral… thinker puns, obscure references. I have to read yours multiple times. Others are chatty, others geeky, others silly, others flirty, others dirty (GCF!), etc.
Well, everybody here is versatile I suppose. It’s hard to boil down any one person’s style or personality to some simple formulaic description. But you are very different from Granny!
The best humor is the joke that is totally unexpected.
Admiral, I owe you a debt of gratitude. Arthur has always been one of my favorite posters. He was a bit of a “role model”. Malicite too, because he was one of the first to acknowledge me in a non-hostile way.
I’ve tried to remember that, and that’s partly why I’ve tried to be welcoming to others, since they might be just like I was.
Well, mostly not, but yes, sometimes, because I was an idiot. But mostly, people just ignored me. Which is what I would expect! Being the newbie stranger and all. But Malicite reached out. Having that one person reach out can make all the difference!
He probably didn’t realize he was doing anything unusual at the time.
Huh? Don’t be! Nobody did anything wrong. This is just and difficult and intimidating blog to jump into, as a newbie. I don’t think any regulars did anything I wouldn’t do, as well.
Well, new folks need to be able to laugh at themselves just like everyone else. The people that stick it out have the right mindset–it’s our own subtle initiation.
I lurked for so long (trust me, it was a REALLY long time) that I think I probably would have been kinda hard to scare off, but I wanted so much for you guys to like me! And I was *squeezed* from the beginning and haven’t looked back! I’m just so glad that so many of you stuck it out, because it sounds like you had it tougher than I did. I’m happy you’re still here. *Basks in the happy glow of the fail family*
I lurked a long time, too. I made the mistake of “coming out of the lurker closet” in the evening when no one is really here. But I think I’m doing okay. At the least, noone has asked me to leave yet, so I can only assume.
Wanna know the stupid thing that kept me lurking for the longest time? It took me FOREVER to figure out that FailBlog time was PST. I kept looking at the comments, unable to figure out why everyone had commented and was gone hours before I got to the fails!
The time zone kept me at bay for a while too! It’s hard to tell when the comments were posted when the time zone isn’t specified, and no one wants to make their first post a reply to something hours old.
*Is confused, having taken her Arthur thong off much earlier because of Leila’s THURSDAY declaration*
*Shrugs*
*Opens underwear drawer full of “Arthur of the Day” thongs*
*Grabs Tuesday and puts it on*
*Thought yesterday was officially declared Thursday, but didn’t wear thong anyway*
*Is ashamed to have not been here when they were on sale, and does not have one*
The Admiral has always been nice to me. I think most of the time the newbies bring it on themselves. A little bit of lurking helps you understand how things work here. If you don’t pay attention, it’s your own fault, IMHO.
Not sure for how long. Arkansas is still very bleah but busy. I have been very very productive. I somehow got my boss fired for, of all things, pervertedness! Go figure. Me! Of all people?
‘Oh sleep!’ said the student. ‘I’ll get some sleep when I’m finished with my studies. I keep myself going on black coffee. A fine thing black coffee.’
.
From “Amerika” by Franz Kafka
Leila ♀ - It's THURSDAY!! -still at the spa with Patrica the calf ♀v4.0 says:
Yeah, he was.. uhhh.. borderline troll at times. He once posted something really nasty and when I responded with a nastygram he yelled at me for not being as funny as the Admiral.
The steak at Dragon’s powered-by party was not from Patrica, so if that is the steak in question, then my client -I mean Dragon- is innocent. I brought that steak. And the ribs. And they were totally Patrica-free.
I never thought they came in more than one sex.
As something with a Television in it’s belly at time of creation, making it bionic, doesn’t that mean that they are man made?
I’m sure they don’t have genders, because that would imply an ability to mate and procreate, which would mean we would see an increase in the numbers of teletubbies, which I don’t think has happened. Thank goodness to the deity in charge of such things.
No… Every second week I start work at 5pm instead of 9am, so I spend my morning (gasp) “doing things” instead of Failblogging. I miss it and every thing that goes on these weeks.
Teletubbies can die. It’s just that noone has stormed in there with a semi-automatic yet.
(*Squeeze*)
I’m going to take that capitalized “yet”, and the ensuing “we’ll see” as a commitment to a full-on, search-and-destroy mission against all things teletubby.
Now, while we’re at it, how do you feel about taking out the Disney “Teen Stars” faction? I think we can get them all in one shot.
OOOOOH! Even better idea, How would you feel about taking the teeny-boppers and the teletubbies and forcing them to fight to the death, and then coating the victors in honey, and then we sic a hoard of half-starved grizzly bears on them??
Gory. I love it. Or, The Teen Stars will be told that They are fired and be forced into the real world, when they realize they can’t live in middle-class society they will go mad, run into the woods and get eaten by the grizzly bears. The Teletubbies, guided by whatever diety they have, will go on a sort of crusade against the grizzlies armed with nthing but the blower thing in the video and get eaten as well.
Or we collect them all and save them to use as fodder during the zombie apocalypse while the rest of us run away to safety to wait it out, after which we establish a new society in which such a waste of human resources will be punishable by death.
Would it be right or wrong of me to point out the fact that I’ve had nothing whatsoever to do with the multiple demises of Patrica, despite being a zombie – known by most living creatures as a creature that feasts on the living?
.
*just wishes they would stop cooking the poor calf so he could figure out what all the fuss is about*
No, really, some years ago the rumor was it was Falwell’s nephew! I don’t remember when this was though. I do think that the whole “gay” thing came to be because the purple one carried a purse. Because, you know, that makes perfect sense.
Sense? Where? But seriously, this is a saddening example of how messed up our priorities/perceptions can get. In other words, our collective “why is this important” filters need a good cleaning.
Indeed. The sexualization of what is essentially a puppet is ridiculous!
Sadly, whatever the reason, that bit of info got stuck in my head and stayed there.
Yes, call in the next 10 minutes and you’ll receive, at virtually NO additional charge – direct from Saskatchewan, Nebraska – a miniaturized Toro Lawnmower attachment!
Not…
Wait … wait … hold on just one second here.
There is a Saskatchewan, Nebraska now?
.
I have relatives still “living” in Saskatchewan, Canada and they once told me a joke I thought was “cute”:
.
Saskatchewan. Easy to draw, hard to spell.
It was the pudding incidents that always creeped me out…but the built in vacuum was pretty cool. My dad watched them..he said they were neat cause they had a dome home. The day we discussed what Oprah said was the day I quit watching daytime tv.
It was the episode about expensive weddings…buy a car…OR…have a gold covered wedding cake no one can eat. Dad and I agreed some people have more money than sense.
Oscar the grouch having PTSD or whatever disorder, Cookie monster being an addict, basically picking at what made the characters unique and saying children shouldn’t be exposed to it.
Cookies are bad for kids. They’re not supposed to eat them. I am a bad parent for feeding my kids cookies. (I actually gave the 7-month-old her first taste of cookie last week.)
Breathing these days is bad for kids. All those pollutants and allergens in the air. Food of all sorts might harbor e. coli or botulism or be tampered with in some way. What’s safe nowadays?
Heh…yes, Cookie must eat veggies now, no more cookies for him. I hadn’t heard about poor Oscar. So much for using humor and mild exaggeration to help children understand the world.
Overstuffed scary things and it’s made for kids?
*POUNCE*
.
*squeeze*
.
Hey there, sexy!
*POUNCE*
*Squeeze*
How are ya?
Doing great!
.
Just 4 more weeks and you’ll have a Mrs. Aikiwaza!
Yeah!!! I am sooo excited. The future Mrs. Aiki told me that I am not to leave Failblog. Apparently I am grumpy when I don’t get my blog time in. Either that or she likes reading my comments…
I can understand. I had no internet last week and went into squeeze withdrawal. It wasn’t pretty.
Sorry to hear that.
*gives an extra squeeze to make up for lost squeezes*
The future Mrs. Aiki wanted me to convey that you can go with me on convertible rides as long as the car is back by 10 pm. Oddly she mentioned that leaving me somewhere was ok…
AHAHA THIS IS A FAIL AND WIN AT THE SAME TIME xD
WTF??
Riiiight…
HAHAHAHA! That’s no problem. I’m a morning person, so I’m usually home by 9pm. I get up most mornings without an alarm clock at 5am.
.
*grabs Aiki, Avis, and Brewski and puts them in the convertible*
Hey! Don’t forget me!
What about me? *pouts*
*Grabs Judy and Leila*
didn’t mean to grab there…
As long as you tickled it first Telletubbies style I am okay with it. *wink*
Let’s go!!
WWWOOOOOOO!!!
Oh no! There goes my teletubby beanie!!
*giggles*
*pulls Abstract in… temporarily*
*grabs abstract*
*pulls into convertible*
*gives a big SQUEEZE*
*smiles*
Please excuse the bugs in my teeth. One of the hazards of riding in the back!
*debugs Brewski*
Hey, I’ve never been on a FB car ride before. Can I go. Just stick me on the hood, I can hold on as long as you dont mind your car looking like a Chrysler.
Don’t forget to recompile him
*Dragonsqueeze!*
Don’t forget to run him too.
Dance like nobody’s watching.
Love like you’ve never been hurt.
Run like you’ve never had a divide by zero data exception.
Ha!
snorkcount++;
WhoaNellieSqueezes++;
SQUEEZE++
yeah!!! I get to go too!!
I feel left out
Climb in, it’s a stretch.
There’s a special seat for you, over there. It’s specially padded for people with… er… injured behinds!
Awww how nice.
*sits*
*oww*
There’s a 5 o’clock in the morning now?
It exists only in velvet and my honey’s world. You don’t have to acknowledge it Avis.
Oh good! I am sooooooo not a morning person. I can find several people to vouch for me on this.
Same here. Did you know it also affects dogs? One of them is NOT a morning doggie and I totally get him.
I seem to recall you once partied until the sun rose! That’s morning, hmmm???
It’s only morning if there has been an interim of sleep involved. Otherwise it’s still that night. *winks*
I will stay up to watch a gorgeous sunrise…but I’ll rarely get up to watch one.
*still considers a variety of “morning doggie”-jokes*
Do it Arthur!!! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?
I’ll have to wait until tomorrow morning to actually do it…
If that’s your style…
In the morning he’ll be all four it.
I hope we’re not just barking up the wrong FB member…
Canine convice you otherwise Arthur?
Woodn’t that be fun to watch!
A guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shooters. The bartender says, “Looks like you are having a bad day.”
The guy says, “Am I ever! To start, I woke up late for work. On my way to work I got in an accident. When I got to work I was four hours late, so the boss fired me. Then to top everything off I came home to my wife screwing my best friend.”
The bartender says, “What did you say to your wife?”
The guy says, “I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again.”
The bartender says, “What did you say to your best friend?”
The guy says, ”I said BAD DOG!”
Change that to best friend humping my wife and alter the punchline a bit, and you’ll have something there. It may not be funny, but it won’t be sick.
Sorry AA, but the darker side of me is still RIGLing at that joke. Nice one Jules; where nice means “what in all hades is wrong with you??”
No need to be sorry, ZA. Even the dead are welcome to express their opinion.
An ASCII character walks into a bar.
Bartender asks, “What’ll you have?”
ASCII character says, “Give me a double.”
Bartender asks, “Having a bad day?”
ASCII character says, “Yeah, I have a parity error.”
Bartender says, “Hmmm. I thought you looked a bit off.”
Oh, that’s sweet!
It’s great to be with a person who understands the importance of shirking responsibilities to play on the internet.
Who would condone such actions?
I might be back on around 11ish Toronto time. Don’t know what that qualifies for everyone else so… (Caffeine + dumb people shopping = dangerous).
*squeezes all around*
It has been a long day at work, making me feel like a haz-bin. To top it off it is the mother Emp’s B-day today. She be 51. So I am off to pay for dinner.
Nice to see you! Happy B-day to Mama Emp!
Very…and congratulations Aiki! You know, a bunny at your wedding would be very fashionable.
Lol… It would be, but I only take the Annie variety.
*really huge grin* woot!!!
*does the only dance she knows*
Just don’t let future Mrs.Aiki get to her. A dead rabbit before the wedding would be taboo.
Your future Mrs. Aiki sounds wonderful, Aiki! Many congrats and happy days ahead!
Woo hoo! Congrats Aiki and Future Mrs. Aiki!
Oh great! I make a meanish joke and you guys all say nice stuff.
Geez!
*Geez Squeeze*
Wazeeerp?
Your Wa seems to be zeeerping.
*Slips back in*
Dr. Brewski has another Ohectomy Patient waiting for him. We are not going to lose this one!!!
*Leaves FB again*
Dont you hate that feeling when you wake up in an alley and your butt is bleeding.
I hear ya
i always knew that the teletubbies were gay.
I thought they were G-rated?
Teletubbies gone wild!
Kids have to learn about sex early. They should have started with something less unusual, though.
Like two teletubbies one cup.
Aaaaaannnnd there goes lunch.
Two lunches, one cup?
Not if it’s one of your lunches. You don’t check the expiration dates.
: shock :
*turns velvet over*
*checks backside for expiration date*
Mmm, very fresh!
Yessssssss!! I’ve always wanted to do that. Sorry velvet.
Ummm…you lost me on that one, starfish.
.
But, do you know what FTW means? : wink :
F*ck The World, right?
For the Win! For the win…keep telling yourself that…for the win…
Find The Wookie!
Flutter the whistle.
Feed The Wackos
Fairy Tubby Wonderment
*tells self “for the win”*
OK, I did it. But what does FTW stand for??
For the win, full of win…depending on who you are with when you use it. I did have to look fapping up on UrbanDictionary. I feel….slightly like I have UrbanDictionary remorse, now…
Annie, sorry, I was just joking. I think you missed the whole “FTW” thread quite some time ago.
*squeeze*
Do you work nights? Why are you not normally awake in daylight?
Ahh…yes most likely I’ve missed something. Yes, I work as night auditor at a hotel, and for awhile I could visit Failblog and cruise through old fails. But someone took the firewall down on our main computer, some viruses got into the system, and now we can’t use the work comp for personal surfing.
Heh…tmi ftl. I do need a nap…I’m taking my two centers of the universe to see H.P. & T.H.B.P. at 3.30 am.
Um… pardon my ignorance… H.P and T.H.B.P?
Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince
Opening night.
I didn’t even know.
Wait… TAFKAP is a half-blood? Everyone’s becoming white after some albums.
And I thought LOTR looked crazy. H.P & T.H.B.P. looks like a serious illness.
C0ck your head to the right Jenny and everything will look normal.
IT MEANS FOR THE WIN
I have a mackerel and I’m not afraid to use it!
0.0
That should be done in private Avis. Has this fail sent you rampant?
*squeeze*
*snork* That’s not what I meant!
*squeeze*
Taint nothing wrong with that.
Why do they have to learn about sex early?
Are you serious? Because it’s an important part of life which shouldn’t be a taboo imo. Apart from that, you don’t have to lie when thy catch mommy and daddy “wrestling”…
I get that, but Telletubbies is aimed at the pre-vocal age group. The under one year group. That seems a little early. I mean, they should still remember being there, if not how they got there!
Yes, you have a point there.
*giggles*
*blink*
Arthur just giggled.
Yup. Giggling happend right here.
*puts down party favo(u)r*
*walks away*
Mission accomplished!
Baffled me too.
LOL
This is just a lesson teaching that friends should do each other a favor.
Yech! Favor has a flavor?
♪ What’s gonna work? Teamwork! And what’s gonna work? Teamwork! ♫
That’s quite a favor!
Perhaps they were extended family members.
They shoot that show in Arkansas?
I resent that.
Why, is your mother also your sister?
He misspelled resemble?
Kissing cousins? That’s quite a stretch.
It’s hard to avoid once love has been unfurled.
Are you suggesting that prolix relations can widen my horizons?
but its yummy!!!!!!
Teaching kids about blowing, toys, @nal, and “self-pleasure” all at once… Disney could take a lesson.
A lesson? Come now. Why do you think Snow White spent so much time with those seven dwarfs?
But we didn’t get to see it.
Would you really want to?
I think I would.
Maybe?
Look up Sonne by Rammstein on Youtube. That should give you all the info you need
Hm. “Rawr” from the Snorg T-shirt ads. Rammstein, which has come up more than once on Failblog. Are you one of these fabled lurkers????
*runs off to check out Rammstein vid*
Well I hope to be a lurker no longer!
And having to do with Rammstein and Rawr… Those are purely coincidental.
*watched video*
Awesome!! Perfect! And a good song too!
*gives Rawr! gold star for esteemed contribution to FailBlog*
Whee! Gold Star!
And yes that is a good song. Rammstein is my favo(u)rite band (currently).
Was that a nesting fail or refresh fail?
Welcome, Rawr!
Mmm… That’s my kind of song.
*Hand’s Rawr! a Judy cookie.*
Welcome. That’s Dark side free, I promise.
Refresh fail. I actually learned about Rammstein through Failblog. As you know, AA, I grew up on this kinda stuff, so it holds a special place in my heart! It’s not great art or anything, but beauty is in the ear of the beholder!
I don’t see how you can appreciate that and not like opera!
Ha! A lot of metal is influenced heavily by opera. Heck, even old Queen. I wouldn’t say I don’t like it, but I never developed an appreciation for it. I really should give it a shot though, I really do respect it as an art form.
Jazz took a while, but I was able to ease into it via rock/jazz fusion. Jazz can have incredibly complex structure, so it sounds random to the novice listener. It takes a while to find the structure and fully appreciate it.
*sings an aria*
Jazz was easy for me to get into. I was hooked the first time I heard Dave Brubeck Quartet Time Out.
Brava, brava!
Stanley Jordan was one of my first jazz explorations.
I have Dave Brubek too!
You did here them whistle while they worked.
What?? Speak up! hear^
They just put their lips together and blew?
C’mere, Slim. I have an Ernest desire to give you a *smooch!*
Being Ernest is important!
*SMOOCH*
*pops in*
You two are a Wilde pair.
*pops out*
There’s only one thing worse than being a Wilde pair, and that’s NOT being a Wilde pair.
Heigh-hooooo!
I seem to remember a Hustler or other porno mag having a 1-panel full page cartoon of Snow White in bed saying…
“I always wanted to get 7 inches, but not one inch at a time…”
Or they could just go to Nickelodeon – I mean, come on, Jamie Spears.
I don’t see what’s the problem, it’s just innocent
You people just see sex in everything these days
-_-’
Those things scare the hell out of me.
You are not alone in that.
Another thing we could start group therapy over.
idk…. kinda turned me on…..
*franticly tries to delete post*
*leaves it for viewing pleasure*
He…errr, she…um, IT seems to enjoy it.
The teletubby got poked by a telechubby.
Maybe this should have been powered by Judy. She’s usually using the E.T. finger…
Granny should have uttered a sentence or thirty that would have been appropriate for this fail.
*snork* Indeed! Where is Granny?
Check the catflap.
Sorry, Ms B, but I’ve decided to use my powers for good instead of evil. And those teletubbies are evil!
Have you seen the Barney The Dinosaur Jihad site before? I haven’t in years, but it’s still out there.
jihad.net
Barney is just as evil as the teletubbies!
Nooooo! I love Barney! He was a favorite of my oldest grandchild. We had a cassette of Barney songs – “Clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere. Clean up, clean up, everybody do their share.” That song helped me teach him to…well, clean up! Barney is not evil!!!
Someone once did a letter/number anagram like thing with Barney and came up with the mark of the beast. Not much of a surprise really.
*resists the urge to start singing the “Barney’s on fire” parody song*
One of these days, someone needs to search the various internet archive sites for “into the purple abyss”, which was Barney as a Cthulhu-esque being…
The other teletubby tickled her fanny.
Powered by scannerdan!
.
*confetti*
*grabs confetti as it falls*
*Throws it again*
*Grabs Velvet in a giant SQUUEEEEEZE*
*throws velvet*
*squeezes confetti*
*wonders what went wrong*
*gets up*
*pinches Arthur*
*dumps confetti down Arthur’s pants*
*pulls up in Audi to collect Arthur*
*all doors and wheels fall of as Audi stops*
Guess that would be a BMW win too
*stands next to a burning BMW wreck*
Not really…
*Wonders if BFF was driving*
*blinks repeatedly*
You. Wrecked and Torched. A. BMW???????
Yeah. I was looking for a Porsche, but didn’t find one.
Were you looking for a *SQUEEZE*, too?
‘Cuz I can help you with that.
*pulls up silently in candy apple red Tesla*
ME TOO ME TOO ONNA SQUEEEEEEEEZE!!!
*slams Tesla door*
*SQUEEEEZES the Dragon*
*drives silently – but amazingly quickly – away… *
*follows WN walking slowly*
*catches him at next red light due to empty batteries*
*squeeze!*
*squeesnork*
*squeezes everyone*
you guys are awesome!
*sneezes*
*pats Sam on the back*
*wheezes*
*dresses Sam in black*
I like this Sam so much better than the last.
I must stop doing that.
*seizes*
*cuts Sam some slack*
*pleases*
Woops. Mayhap best not to do that in public.
*blush*
*teases*
*suggestively slips away to private place, leaving trail of clothes*
*confettis Arthur*
*throws squeezes*
What ever happened to ScannerDan? We have been losing a lot of regulars lately. Did I scare everybody away??
You can’t scare me away!
.
I might scare you away, though…
.
*smooch*
.
*grabs Brewski’s butt and squeezes 3 times*
Hi velvet!!! *squeeze* Watch out for Brewski, he’s been licking people’s food while they are not looking.
*licks Brewski*
.
I’m cool with that…
Oh, and *squeeze* Leila!!
.
(I clickied too fast)
Ooh! That’s a good spot.
Only for you, Leila!
You just know how to make a girl feel special, don’t you? *kisses*
Not likely!
Third time’s the charm, by the way!
*smooch*
Did you get my reply email yesterday?
You wish!
*catches squeeze*
Now what do i do with it?
*gives squeeze back to Brewski*
I was just joking, but there is a lot of turnover here.
Hey, do you have my comcast email address, or my work one? (If it’s not comcast, it’s work)
Must be work… rus____
Yep. Can you try again right now? I may have to check to see if your domain is blocked.
So, who is scannerdan? I’ve not seen him/her since I’ve been on FB.
I’ve not seen scannerdan for awhile either.
He shot back a somewhat harsh reply to one of my first posts!! Ha. I deserved it though, I had stumbled into a troll-roasting, and didn’t have all the history.
I remember one of the first times I saw his posts it was a rather touchy series.
*squeezes for everyone*
I’m awake during daylight…*blink* its good to see ya’ll.
Scannerdan doesn’t have a very favorable opinion of me.
Really? Why would anybody think poorly of you?
I don’t really know him.
Then he is wrong.
So very, very wrong.
Scannerdan and the Admiral had a little disagreement about what is humo(u)rous, and Scannerdan ended up saying that the Admiral is very harsh to newbies.
I begged to differ, and we really haven’t seen him since.
The Admiral was among the few people here who encouraged me to stay.
Dragon’s right, he went personal during a perfectly amiable disagreement. Some people get defensive like that.
Brewski, I don’t think he got my style of humo(u)r.
Thanks WN.
Arthur, to think I played some small part in your continued presence makes me
AA, does that mean that Arthur gives you a toothache?
It looks more like Arthur makes him feel like going to the dentist.
Looks more like a bad case of lockjaw to me.
*picks*
*flosses*
All better.
I like variety. Your humor is cerebral… thinker puns, obscure references. I have to read yours multiple times. Others are chatty, others geeky, others silly, others flirty, others dirty (GCF!), etc.
Most humo(u)r works by having the listener/viewer fill in the missing piece, connect the dots, etc., thus requiring some thought and cooperation.
I’d like to think I’m versatile, though…see Arthur giggle above. : shrug :
Geeky…X
Silly…X
Flirty…XXX
Ahem. I beg to differ with that assessment, Admiral. If I may…
Geeky: XXX
Silly: XXXX
Flirty: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX with an extra XXX rating.
*BIG, silly grin!*
*smooooch-AHH!*
Well, everybody here is versatile I suppose. It’s hard to boil down any one person’s style or personality to some simple formulaic description. But you are very different from Granny!
The best humor is the joke that is totally unexpected.
I’m a sucker for those, ink case you didn’t know.
So my Brewski + pantsless = humo(u)rous formula is faulty and reductive? DAMMIT!
Hee! Now that was unexpected!
Small? Nope. Big!
Woohoo!!
*SQUEEZE!!*
Admiral, I owe you a debt of gratitude. Arthur has always been one of my favorite posters. He was a bit of a “role model”. Malicite too, because he was one of the first to acknowledge me in a non-hostile way.
I’ve tried to remember that, and that’s partly why I’ve tried to be welcoming to others, since they might be just like I was.
Hostile? Someone was hostile to you?
Eeeeeeep! I hope it wasn’t I!
Well, mostly not, but yes, sometimes, because I was an idiot. But mostly, people just ignored me. Which is what I would expect! Being the newbie stranger and all. But Malicite reached out. Having that one person reach out can make all the difference!
He probably didn’t realize he was doing anything unusual at the time.
I’m sowwy.
*squeeze*
Huh? Don’t be! Nobody did anything wrong. This is just and difficult and intimidating blog to jump into, as a newbie. I don’t think any regulars did anything I wouldn’t do, as well.
Well, new folks need to be able to laugh at themselves just like everyone else. The people that stick it out have the right mindset–it’s our own subtle initiation.
I lurked for so long (trust me, it was a REALLY long time) that I think I probably would have been kinda hard to scare off, but I wanted so much for you guys to like me! And I was *squeezed* from the beginning and haven’t looked back! I’m just so glad that so many of you stuck it out, because it sounds like you had it tougher than I did. I’m happy you’re still here. *Basks in the happy glow of the fail family*
Ummmm, there’s some sort of initiation?
*nervous side-to-side glances*
Joking aside, everyone’s been nice to me so far, even you Admiral.
I lurked a long time, too. I made the mistake of “coming out of the lurker closet” in the evening when no one is really here.
But I think I’m doing okay. 
At the least, noone has asked me to leave yet, so I can only assume.
Wanna know the stupid thing that kept me lurking for the longest time? It took me FOREVER to figure out that FailBlog time was PST. I kept looking at the comments, unable to figure out why everyone had commented and was gone hours before I got to the fails!
…And now you all know my deep, dark secret.
Yay! I’m nice!
The time zone kept me at bay for a while too! It’s hard to tell when the comments were posted when the time zone isn’t specified, and no one wants to make their first post a reply to something hours old.
I couldn’t figure out how everyone kept up with the new posts. Thanks for pointing the Recent Comments out to me Bearly!
Anytime, Scott!
I’m not at all surprised…and I’m glad he did!
*squeeeeze!*
You were one of the (not so few, coming to think about it) others.
Good night, y’all!
*squeezes all around*
I’m so so so so so so SO glad! You’re one of my very favo(u)rites, yanno.
*squeezies*
Hey, I wouldn’t be wearing a thong with your face on it if I wasn’t so fond of you, Arthur!!!
I wouldn’t either!
*leaves to find Arthur boxers*
*Is confused, having taken her Arthur thong off much earlier because of Leila’s THURSDAY declaration*
*Shrugs*
*Opens underwear drawer full of “Arthur of the Day” thongs*
*Grabs Tuesday and puts it on*
*Thought yesterday was officially declared Thursday, but didn’t wear thong anyway*
*Is ashamed to have not been here when they were on sale, and does not have one*
*Hands Chan order form*
Checks may be made payable to What I Know. Until you get your shipment, though…
*Hands Chan brand new 3-pack of Arthur thongs*
I sort of got overly excited and bought in bulk.
Thanks, Bearly!
*Dons thong* *Flaunts*
I like it! Very comfortable.
♬ Love is in the air…♬
The Admiral has always been nice to me. I think most of the time the newbies bring it on themselves. A little bit of lurking helps you understand how things work here. If you don’t pay attention, it’s your own fault, IMHO.
Some folks also don’t appreciate the difference between a “newbie” and a “troll”.
And how could someone not be nice to you, Ms B??
*SQUEEZE*
Prezackly.
*shuffles feet*
Aw shucks!
*squeeeze*
*shuffles over to Ms B*
*SQUEEZE*
Some folks seem to think they are one and the same and it can become bleah at times.
*SQUEEZE*
Woo! Lookie who’s back!
*squeezity!*
Not sure for how long. Arkansas is still very bleah but busy. I have been very very productive. I somehow got my boss fired for, of all things, pervertedness! Go figure. Me! Of all people?
Whodathunkit?
But happy to see you whenever you can pop in, you know that.
Yay!! Ry!!!! Welcome welcome!
Nice to see you again, Ryannon!
Note to self: say ‘bleah’ more.
Now why would you want to say bleah more?
When a coworker comes along: “Can you look into this? It will take only one minute.”
We’ve missed your Ry humor.
*squeeze!*
I cannot believe that nobody asked her what happend! I’m sooo curious now…
Perv.
I missed Ryannon’s visit?
BLEAH!
Hey Dragon, have you heard about the new thing called “sleep”? Everybody is doing it! You should really try it.
*squeeze*
SLEEP IS FOR SISSIES!!!!
*squeeze*
Insomnia is a prerequisite of joining the FailBlog.
‘Oh sleep!’ said the student. ‘I’ll get some sleep when I’m finished with my studies. I keep myself going on black coffee. A fine thing black coffee.’
.
From “Amerika” by Franz Kafka
Perhaps he is jealous of you and dragon.
Uh, he ain’t here no mo. You are. Ergo, he’s wrong and you’re right. Or we just like you more. Or you just like us more.
Scannerdan had his moments
Yeah, he was.. uhhh.. borderline troll at times. He once posted something really nasty and when I responded with a nastygram he yelled at me for not being as funny as the Admiral.
*squeeze*
You are HIGH-larious, floofy.
I remember that…it made me so mad! You make me laugh and laugh, fluffy!
lol
Really, this is all I can think to say about this!
But it’s no blowjob…
*looks around*
Or a grilled cheese sandwich?
Definitely NOT a GCS. Ms B maybe just a wee bit conservative. hehe
There you are. I thought we had left you in the dust.
Uuuuh yeah…
Brewski, is that your pictorial rendition of ’suck-and-blow’?
Like smoking!
Come again? You’re getting a head of me here.
Again, again! Again, again!
*lights cigarette*
*flinches*
What on earth was that huge explosion from???
Why are you wearing lipstick Brewski?
not lipstick. He has just been at it for a while and I think he is getting chapped.
*passes Brewski a tube of medicated chap stick*
*adds baconlube to chapstick*
notice that the reservoir tip was tickling it
Did someone just get a tongue lashing on national television?
Very cheeky question.
We did start the licking last fail. Just keeping up with the butt of the joke.
I am behind you till the end.
We’ll never get to the bottom of this pun run. Ever!
Don’t assume we’re not smart enough.
My comment is getting a bum rap!
*Phones lawyer*
It would be a bummer if your lawyer blows the suit.
Hopefully, it would still curtail the flap that was created.
Just don’t commit any acts of arse-on.
Yes, hopefully everyone can avoid taint-ing the pun run.
That’s just asinine!!!
Someone in editing is getting the chair for this clip.
That would totally blow!
Let’s anal(ize) this, shall we?
Would you like my analysis to be presented written or orally?
Oh, forget that crap. I brought a pitcher of pina coladas – bottom’s up!
Pina Coladas tickle my fancy!:D
Oh hell ya!!!
Nothing like a good tickle in the right places to get me going.
*tickles Leila in the wrong places*
*runs away*
Hmmm…I didn’t feel anything. Can you do it all over again? *wink*
Um, sorry to break in but uh, 4.0? What happened to my 3.11?
Uh. Um…I defer your question to the following people:
Arthur
Ms B
Judy
Dragon
Excuse me?! I never ate any of the Patricas! I usually bring my own meat.
Ditto!
She was delicious!
I formally retract the name Ms B from my statement.
Sweet! It worked!Thank you, Leila, for recognizing the truth.
UhUh!! Can you teach me the code to strike words please?
strike
TESTES:
Ms B ate Patrica.That took a lot of balls, Leila. Good
blowjob.Teste #2:
I know what I’m doingAlways Intentional TESTES.
*makes nut covered chocolate balls*Tsetsicles!
*doesn’t even know what that means*
This whole thread is giving me the giggles!
<strike …. </strike
with the appropriate right carets in place
I am going on…I don’t believe Dragon had anything to do with the slaying of said calf.
Is that the total truth?
*raises eyebrow*
There’s always hidden truth.
Always.
All I know is, there was steak at one of the barbecues.
…It was yummy.
The prosecution rests!!!
AA said that Dragon did not have anything to do with the slaying of Patricia. Dragon has only admitted that she ate her.
The steak at Dragon’s powered-by party was not from Patrica, so if that is the steak in question, then my client -I mean Dragon- is innocent. I brought that steak. And the ribs. And they were totally Patrica-free.
We all enjoyed chewing the fat with Patricia. We’ll miss her salty humo(u)r.
Yes, let’s observe a moment of silence for such a (BBQ) saucy calf.
Yes, Patrica is a
rare find.
*delicately dabs at corners of mouth with napkin*
(Urrrrp!)
Oopsie, sorry!
But… but… 3.11 was nice… she had a hat and collar!
.
.
Did you save me any?
*points to freezer*
The hat and collar made nice garnishes.
Jerry Falwell was right. The purple one IS gay!
Jerry Falwell is never right!
*cringing as she speaks*
In his defense….urk…Mr. Falwell was quoting an article he had read, he didn’t state himself that Purple Tellytubby was gay.
Jerry Falwell is about as far right as you can get.
Is it sick funny or stupid? I can’t figure it out…
Well…they do get bored at times
I have always believeed that Teletubbies sends subliminal kinky messages to those who watch but this one was not so secretive.
Isn’t one of them gay?
ONE of them?
How can you even tell male from female?
I never thought they came in more than one sex.
As something with a Television in it’s belly at time of creation, making it bionic, doesn’t that mean that they are man made?
I’m sure they don’t have genders, because that would imply an ability to mate and procreate, which would mean we would see an increase in the numbers of teletubbies, which I don’t think has happened. Thank goodness to the deity in charge of such things.
Thank goodness Telletubbies can’t reproduce? Yes.
Thank goodness they can’t die? Hardly.
And welcome, I didn’t see you here today.
No… Every second week I start work at 5pm instead of 9am, so I spend my morning (gasp) “doing things” instead of Failblogging. I miss it and every thing that goes on these weeks.
Teletubbies can die. It’s just that noone has stormed in there with a semi-automatic yet.
(*Squeeze*)
There’s a tubby episode for each day of the year. At the new year they start over again, again.
*Writes notes on Notebook named “Operation: Tele Storm*
Not YET, but we’ll see about that.
(*Squeeze*)
I’m going to take that capitalized “yet”, and the ensuing “we’ll see” as a commitment to a full-on, search-and-destroy mission against all things teletubby.
*stops loading Battle Rifle*
What gives you that idea?
Shouldn’t you fight them with whatever their polar opposite is?
Cuddley and fun to look at things?
Now, while we’re at it, how do you feel about taking out the Disney “Teen Stars” faction? I think we can get them all in one shot.
OOOOOH! Even better idea, How would you feel about taking the teeny-boppers and the teletubbies and forcing them to fight to the death, and then coating the victors in honey, and then we sic a hoard of half-starved grizzly bears on them??
Gory. I love it. Or, The Teen Stars will be told that They are fired and be forced into the real world, when they realize they can’t live in middle-class society they will go mad, run into the woods and get eaten by the grizzly bears. The Teletubbies, guided by whatever diety they have, will go on a sort of crusade against the grizzlies armed with nthing but the blower thing in the video and get eaten as well.
*Swaps e and i in previous post*
*Is quite glad she is not a grizzly and therefore will not be subjected either to Teletubbies or Disney tween stars*
We’d let you sit that one out and watch if you were a grizzly, Bearly.
Or we collect them all and save them to use as fodder during the zombie apocalypse while the rest of us run away to safety to wait it out, after which we establish a new society in which such a waste of human resources will be punishable by death.
Supposedly. Oh and it’s Tuesday and who keeps eating/making new clones of Patricia?
Per my answer to aiki ^^^
Uh. Um…I defer your question to the following people:
Arthur
Ms B
Judy
Dragon
:angel:
:angel:
…. i mean
:angel:
Would it be right or wrong of me to point out the fact that I’ve had nothing whatsoever to do with the multiple demises of Patrica, despite being a zombie – known by most living creatures as a creature that feasts on the living?
.
*just wishes they would stop cooking the poor calf so he could figure out what all the fuss is about*
Sometimes they don’t wait for her to cook.
mmmmmm Patricia Tartar.
BAD STARFISH!!! *slaps tenticle/testicle*
:angel:
Ouch!! I deserved that, but did you have to slap the boys? Breathe Starfish, breathe.
I didn’t know Starfish had ‘boys’ per se.
*hands Dragon tarnish spray too*
Hey, I might be a starfish, but I’m hung like a seahorse.
How about this – next time, we’ll keep and cook the meat, and you can have all the innards. Will that satisfy your lust for blood?
Next time?
Patrica’s innards?
Eeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!
*goes underground w/Patrica v4.0*
Sorry, Leila. I didn’t know you were still here.
.
*tries to whistle innocently and completely fails to do so*
*offers tarnish remover to Arthur, Judy and aiki for their halos*
I have a huge supply of this.
……?
……!
……O.O
Sorry I asked..
From the rumors I’ve heard, not only is the purple one gay, but the man inside the purple suit is Falwell’s nephew.
Or Cheney’s daughter?
No, really, some years ago the rumor was it was Falwell’s nephew! I don’t remember when this was though. I do think that the whole “gay” thing came to be because the purple one carried a purse. Because, you know, that makes perfect sense.
Sense? Where? But seriously, this is a saddening example of how messed up our priorities/perceptions can get. In other words, our collective “why is this important” filters need a good cleaning.
Indeed. The sexualization of what is essentially a puppet is ridiculous!
Sadly, whatever the reason, that bit of info got stuck in my head and stayed there.
For this, Billy Mays recommends Mindbleach!
And if you act now…..
You get a travel sized free…
pleasure potato! Pickled to prevent any unpleasant surprises!
But wait! There’s more…..
Yes, call in the next 10 minutes and you’ll receive, at virtually NO additional charge – direct from Saskatchewan, Nebraska – a miniaturized Toro Lawnmower attachment!
Not…
Wait … wait … hold on just one second here.
There is a Saskatchewan, Nebraska now?
.
I have relatives still “living” in Saskatchewan, Canada and they once told me a joke I thought was “cute”:
.
Saskatchewan. Easy to draw, hard to spell.
I think it also had to do with the upside-down triangle on the top of its head.
Funny, I thought it had nothing to do with anything except the fact that Falwell’s a phuqtard.
LOL
That’s pretty accurate.
It was the pudding incidents that always creeped me out…but the built in vacuum was pretty cool. My dad watched them..he said they were neat cause they had a dome home. The day we discussed what Oprah said was the day I quit watching daytime tv.
“pudding incidents”???? Don’t want to know!
I think it was custard.
I think it was something nicer than custard.
Tubby Custard! Tubby Custard!
*agrees with Judy*
*removes both index fingers*
*shoves them into each ear*
*removes both ears*
*sits on them*
*rocks back and forth, mumbling*
this is not happening. this is not happening. this is not happening.
Unfortunately, it is.
*drags ZA into his own grave, follows, shuts lid*
I am still a little curious about what Oprah said.
It was the episode about expensive weddings…buy a car…OR…have a gold covered wedding cake no one can eat. Dad and I agreed some people have more money than sense.
Loooooooooooooool
Have you seen me Ц¢k? It’s hugeeeeeeeee!!!
How come you lost it then? Maybe you misspelled “tiny”.
*hands MSH a microscope*
Unless that microscope is of the electron variety, it won’t help.
Even electron microscopes are useless when searching for the imaginary.
Even electron microscopes are useless when searching for the !maginary.
.
*HATES the moderators guts*
Of all the words to catch the filter’s attention, why that one?
*knows of the excuse regarding hacking the blog with pictures, but is convinced the moderator just hates him for no good reason*
I think you’re right. Look VVV – no probs, apparently.
Obviously because imagination is the first step towards immorality.
They are so evil. Especially their worship of the fascist sun baby messiah.
Anyone here think it’s a touch ironic that people are complaining about the messages sesame street sent?
Wich message?
Witch massage?
*bukkits*
*leaves*
Massage witches?
*grabs BaconLube, gets ready for massage*
*lies face down on table, covered with towel*
Nice and easy today, bunny.
*hops up, does the scooby dance on Judy’s back*
Better than Rolfing!!
*boing boing boing*
Scooby had a dance? I thought all he did was eat everything in sight, get scared, and jump into Shaggy’s arms.
Awww, but I like Rolf! Piano fingers give the best massages…
Guitar finger are pretty good too, trust me on that
Oscar the grouch having PTSD or whatever disorder, Cookie monster being an addict, basically picking at what made the characters unique and saying children shouldn’t be exposed to it.
Cookie Monster eating *gasp* cookies!! All that sugar and high fructose corn syrup!!
It kinda bugs me that they started introducing veggies and fruits to Cookie Monster’s skits. He’s called Cookie Monster for a reason!!!
NO! THEY DIDN’T!!! Are you serious Ms B? *blinks*
They did. No more cookies in the cookie jar for Cookie Monster.
Cookies are bad for kids. They’re not supposed to eat them. I am a bad parent for feeding my kids cookies. (I actually gave the 7-month-old her first taste of cookie last week.)
Breathing these days is bad for kids. All those pollutants and allergens in the air. Food of all sorts might harbor e. coli or botulism or be tampered with in some way. What’s safe nowadays?
Chinese-made toys from WalMart?
Choking hazard
But they’re lead tainted-tastic!
Caskets are perfectly safe for kids to play in for the rest of their lives. Plus you don’t have to move them afterward!
Pigs are flying, the fat lady is singing and the world went to hell which just froze over.
I should just die now.
What happened to the handbasket? ^^^
Under the fat lady.
*muffles*
Do we call 3333 or Jenny Craig?
I’ll call both!!
*picks up one phone with each hand*
Can somebody get that fat lady to stop that blasted singing?! I can’t hear!
*stops singing*
You only had to ask.
Lurk?! That wasn’t you, was it? You’re a cutie!
*smooch*
Oh, hi Brewski!
*takes off fat-lady suit*
*smooch*
That.
Is.
So.
Very.
Wrong.
Heh…yes, Cookie must eat veggies now, no more cookies for him. I hadn’t heard about poor Oscar. So much for using humor and mild exaggeration to help children understand the world.
This Teletubbies clip was brought to you
by the letter Potato
and the number Hoo Hoo!
I can count to Potato!
*best Count imitation*
Ah. Ah. Ah.
You’re lucky…I can’t even SPELL Potato!
*sobs on the Count’s shoulder*
*pats Boobie*
Its okay..you did much better than V.P. Quail.
I don’t see anything up there. It’s just a blank white space. Is that supposed to be an image?
It’s a video of the Tellytubbies.
Whose name I can’t spell. Bukkit, please.
*ahem* there are a few details you left out there Anniebunny.
If only someone could describe the clip colorfully…
What do they call that particular type of party favor?
*looks innocent*
I don’t know…you tell me.
I meant the thing, not the act. And I really don’t know.
I think it’s called a blowout.
So the purple telletubbie got a blowout to the whoopsie-daisy.
Somehow that looks even dirtier in print!
You meant that thing that, when you blow it, it gets bigger/longer?
That is often given away in goodie bags at parties. Yes, that thing!
I never give mine away!!
At least, not to just anybody.
I need to go to more parties…
*Snickers*
Avis sure knows how to party!
Marius, if you only knew how far from the truth that was!
‘does best animal impression’
PARTY, PARTY, PANTY!
Now I don’t believe for one second that you, Avis, are a wall flower.
*Squeeze*
Not so much a wall flower as a house plant. I don’t go out all that much anymore. *shrugs*
I just couldn’t bring myself to describe it…Ohhhh the humanity!!!
wheres the human?
Those freaks ALWAYS creeped me out!
how do you upload to failblog?
what do you want to upload?
a picture
I don’t believe that’s allowed here dawsey. A video maybe but not a picture.
can you send 1 in to the site
Click on “Send in the Fail Boat” link at the top of the page.
Yes, but you need to submit a 1,000 word description of said picture for approval first.
You also need a signed and notarized certification from your local civic government office, stating that the picture has not been photoshopped.
Ooooh! This explains why mine never made it onto the vote page…
I bet I won’t need any notorization of sorts to submit pics of Ms B and Brewski and Bearly and aiki.